Infinity Train (2019–…): Season 1, Episode 4 - The Crystal Car - full transcript

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[ Dog barks in distance ]

¶¶

The door unlocked
a few minutes ago.

[ Gasps ]

Mwah!
We'll miss you, Nancy!

We know your restaurant
will be a big success.

You've come a long way
in your pasta-making.

¶¶

[ Whirring ]

Oh.



¶¶

Okay, so let's break down
the Straight-Up Italy car.

I thought we agreed to call it
the Mediterranean Republic Car.

There were at least two things
that happened in there

that correspond
to what we did in Corginia.

We helped someone -- Nancy.

And we fought someone,
the mean grandmother

stealing coins
from the fountain.

But there was no change
to my number!

See, if you look at the logic
tree that I've drawn...

Ooh, I like that you use circles
on your "I's" instead of dots.

Hmm.

[ Lock clicks ]

Whoa.



¶¶

Wow!

Anyway, my number...

May I suggest you give yourself
more moments of repose

in solving the mystery
of your number.

Perhaps if you sleep on it,
the answer will come to you.

I can crack this!

I just have to go about it
using the Scientific Method.

Interesting bit of
Tulip-trivia,

I competed in
North-Middle Branch Area

Middle School's
Scientific Odyssey Trials.

My team even took home
the award for

Best Hypothetically-Proven
Hypothesis.

At the very least,
give One-One a break from it.

Your logic trees have him
more skittish

than a squirrel
at a Corgi sock hop.

Ah!

I deserved that.

All right.

I'll put the notebook away --
for now!

Until later, my love.

¶¶

[ Chittering, barking ]

[ Birds calling ]

Ew! Oh, cool!

Anyone see a door?

Maybe it's like one of those
where we have to push a knot,

like a secret passageway?

Because my admittedly petite,

but noble legs keep me
close to the ground,

I have often found that
if there is not

an answer in front of you,
one may come from above.

Right again!

If anyone's keeping track,

I think I'm winning
at being right about things.

I've been keeping track
and you are!

Maybe we should try
building a ladder.

[ Growls, barks ]

¶¶

Oh! Hi!

Do you know how we can
get to the door up there?

[ Grunts ]

Ah, great!

¶¶

Would you mind telling us how?

[ Clinking ]

[ Gasps ] It can't speak,
just like Atticus.

-Huh?
-Ugh, man.

This is gonna take awhile.

¶¶

And then the steps that lead
to the door were stolen

by a...giant spider...

made of metal?

-Huh?
-Oh!

Like my spindly friend
in Corginia.

One-One, that thing
wasn't your friend.

Goodness!
Was it my mum?

It was trying to hurt us.

The question stands.

[ Stomping ]

[ Clinking ]

A new stairway can emerge

but only if we put our paws
on this crystal.

And...

Eat some air!
Eating air makes me burpy.

I don't think you can breathe.

You never take my psychosomatic
conditions seriously.

Oh! Do we have to sing?

Hmm. Big heart?

Very emotional perhaps
or important?

My people have a song
about a folk-hero of ours --

"The Ballad of Mustard
and Stink Tail!"

It's got drama, pathos,
and a bit of bawdy humor.

[ Howling ]

Mnh-mnh.

The crystal doesn't recognize
howling?

But it's the ancient language
of my people!

Ooh, ooh, me, now!
Me, now!

Ahem.
Do-do-do-doot.

[ Dial-up modem sound ]

Connection failed.

Don't worry, guys!

I know a super emotional
song to try.

¶ High, low ¶

¶ Wherever we go ¶

¶ I just know that our souls
twine as one ¶

[ Humming ]

Mmm.

But that song
is super emotional!

It's from this movie
about a couple

who fall in love on a zeppelin,

and the guy dies
when the zeppelin blows up!

Mmm.

Okay.
My world has a billion songs.

I'll find one that works.

Get ready, car, because I'm
about to blow your heart's mind!

[ High-pitched voice ]
¶ I cleave thee ¶

¶ To mine heart ¶

¶ Girl,
you know it's so true ¶

¶ That I'm in love with you ¶

¶ And even my pickup misses
your face ¶

Ugh!

¶ I hope you choke ¶

¶ On her perfect
cookie-cutter world ¶

¶¶

¶ I can see
our future children ¶

¶ When I look into your eyes ¶

Ugh!

I like the ones about
unrequited love the most.

It's like, real, you know?

Perhaps if we sleep on it,
the right song will come to you.

You know, you suggest
we "sleep on things" a lot.

-I am a dog.
-Oh, right.

Well, maybe if we
just build a ladder.

I'm sorry, but your weird
song thing isn't working.

Now, are you guys gonna help me
build a ladder, or what?

Ugh! No thumbs!

[ Sighs ] Lot of help everyone
is in this car.

Since I couldn't sing it,

this provides the perfect
opportunity to tell you

the "Ballad of Mustard
and Stink Tail."

Ahem.

Once, a mighty Corgi emerged
from the Blue River.

He towered at a gargantuan
2 1/2 feet tall.
[ Grunting ]

The shrewd Stink Tail
stole all the bully sticks,

and when the pups awoke for
the Spring Festival of Plenty,

not even a kibble
lay by the hearth.

At a stalemate, Mustard
and Stink Tail began trading,

shall I say,
some rather salty jibes.

And from that day on,
when one saw Mustard the Shiny,

they also saw Stink Tail --
best friends to the end.

To the end of what?

Well, their lives.

-Nice.
-Guys, I'm done.

Man, that story is really,
really long.

Mustard's story cannot
be abridged.

Grump all you want,
but this is gonna work.

¶¶

[ Grunts ] Yes!
No more emotional songs.
[ Grunts ]

Sorry, buddy, sometimes you've
just got to go logical.

Oh, no.

No, no, no, no!
It's locked!

[ Grunts ]

No! That makes no sense!

I tried out every possible
emotional theme

to find one that would work.

Break-ups, celebrities singing
to draw attention

to important social issues,

even songs about
going after your dreams.

Like my dream of getting
to Game Design Camp,

which is probably over,
like, forever ago.

I don't even know how time
works on this dumb train!

Hmm.

¶¶

My heart, me singing.

Not your heart,
not you singing.

I thought I was supposed
to find a song

that made the crystal
feel something.

It has to be a song
that's emotional for me?

I've already liked a bunch
of the songs I've tried.

How would I know which song
I really connect to most?

Hmm.

I thought of "The Ballad of
Mustard and Stink Tail"

immediately.

So it could just be
the first song I think of?

That's too arbitrary!

Seems worth a try.

¶¶

Okay.

But if this were
the Scientific Odyssey Trials,

this would not win an award --

not even for
"Best Last Ditch Effort."

And, yes,
that is a real thing.

And, yes, I petitioned
to remove the category.

And, no, they didn't.

Fine! I'm singing!

[ Sighs ]

¶ La-la-la-la ¶

What do I care about? Uh?

Programming is cool and...

I like my friends, and, um...

onions, and...

the first three bites
of pancakes, and...

Oh, I like getting new textbooks
at the beginning of the year

before I'm sick of school again,
and road trips, and...

Huh. Road trips.

Heh. Huh?

What?! Oh!

That's embarrassing,
let me pick a different one.

[ "Word Up" by Cameo playing ]

That doesn't make sense!

Doesn't seem to matter
if it makes sense.

I can't believe
this is happening.

It's the music of your heart.

But it isn't emotional at all.

It's just some song my family
used to sing on road trips.

It's about dancing
or something.

-Gross.
-Don't listen to him.

Just sing.

[ Groans ]

¶ Yo, pretty ladies,
around the world ¶

¶ Got a weird thing
to show you ¶

¶ So tell all the boys
and girls ¶

¶ Tell your brother,
your sister ¶

¶ And your mama, too ¶

Your heart is fun, Miss Tulip!
¶ 'Cause they're about
to throw down ¶

¶ And you'll know
just what to do ¶

¶ Wave your hands in the air
like you don't care ¶

¶ Glide by the people as
they stop to look and stare ¶

¶ Do your dance,
do your dance ¶

¶ Do your dance, quick, Mama ¶

¶ Come on, baby, tell me
what's the word ¶

¶ A-word up! ¶

[ Thud ]
-Huh?

[ Stomping ]

Uh...

[ Clinks ]

Ah, oh.

[ Door unlocks ]
-Whoa!

Huh.

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