In Treatment (2008–2010): Season 3, Episode 23 - Jesse: Week Six - full transcript

What's the matter?

I have an eating disorder.

That blows.

What about you?

Oh, Paul's my uncle.

He's just taking me out
for my birthday.

You don't go
to St. Ann's, do you?

Packer?

No.

You look familiar.

Well, I live in Milwaukee.



Well, have a good birthday.

Thanks.

Hey.

I think you're beautiful

just the way you are.

♪ Happy Birthday to me ♪

♪ Happy Birthday to me ♪

♪ Happy Birthday dear Jesse ♪

♪ Happy Birthday
to me. ♪

Millions of chat sites
are rejoicing

because 17 is the age of
consent in New York state.

I'm not kidding.

It's like a new gay holiday.

Happy Birthday, Jesse.



It's just how I always
dreamed it would be.

So...

What happened last week?

Was there a fire?

Did your son intentionally
set the house on fire?

No no, it was just...
just an accident.

Is your son okay?

Yes.

Good.

I'm glad.

Actually, I'm glad
you brought it up.

I wanted to talk to you
about why you...

why you ran off.

I should have never
been here, okay?

It was stupid.
It was late and...

You should have just kicked me
out when I first showed up.

But I didn't
kick you out, Jesse.

Yeah, but you
wanted to.

Now why would you think that?

Paul, can I ask you something?

Sure.

Why did you become a therapist?

I...

I guess because I wanted to...

to help people.

Are you a good therapist?

Do you think
I'm a good therapist?

Is there some way

that I could be
a better therapist for you?

Probably not.

I guess I just... I don't
really see what the point is.

I don't know why you do it.

You don't feel
it's working for you?

Does it make anyone happy?

Well, the point is
not always to be happy.

Okay, then what's the point?

Well, it differs
from person to person.

You know, a lot of people...

they spend their whole lives

in a kind of a fog.

I think that therapy,
when it works,

when it really works...

it helps people

to, well, unlock themselves.

Well, I ran into the girl
before me in the waiting room.

She said she had
an eating disorder.

What are you telling her?

Well, I'm trying
to help her identify

why she sees herself
in that way.

Do you know why?

I have some ideas, obviously,

but, you know, ultimately

what I think
doesn't really matter.

It's what she thinks
that matters.

What, that doesn't sound
credible to you?

- It sounds like...
- It sounds like what?

Never mind.

No, go on.
Please tell me.

It sounds like those
guys on canal street

that are selling fake Rolexes.

Like, what does it matter
if it isn't a rolex

as long as you think
it's a rolex, you know?

But it still isn't a rolex.

It's still just
a cheap piece of shit,

no matter what you think.

Well, it's not a rolex.
That's true.

But it's not
a piece of shit either.

Because objects are worth

the meaning that we
invest in them,

what we ascribe to them,

and so are people.

I got an email from Kevin.

And what did he say?

He says...

That it was a mistake
to contact me prematurely,

that it was
irresponsible,

that he won't attempt
to contact me again,

but he hopes I'll get
back in touch with them

when I think I'm ready.

I'm so sorry, Jesse.

Why?

It must be

tremendously disappointing.

Not really.

What do you...

what do you feel about that?

Nothing.

Did you email him back?

No, there's no point.
It's over.

You don't anticipate ever getting
back in touch with them?

No, they don't want me to.

God, it's my fucking birthday.

17...

17 years ago I came out
of Karen Scott's vagina.

And now all she has
to say to me

is that she contacted me
prematurely.

God.

Why is everything
such bullshit?

Hey, how long do you
think I'll live?

I don't know, Jesse.

I mean, if I don't fall off a
building or shoot myself or whatever,

how long is the average?

Um, 80... 80 years.

Jesus.

That means I have to make it

through another 63 years.

You know...

You're not always gonna feel

the way you're feeling
right now.

You mean it's going to
get better?

Yeah, but the thing is,

I've always felt like this,

even before I met
Kevin and Karen.

You felt like...
like what way exactly?

I have this friend, okay?
Named Barrett.

And he has a really big nose.

And even when we were,
like, eight

and all the other kids
had little kid noses,

Barrett had this honker.

And I've just...

I've always thought
that if I were Barrett,

I would be really
embarrassed by my nose.

But Barrett isn't.

He doesn't even notice it.

And he's always really happy.

And everyone really likes him.

And even since

we've been in High School,
he has girlfriends.

And it was all just
really confusing to me

until I met his dad.

He's this fancy
wall street guy,

a really good dresser,

but he has the same nose.

It's huge.

And I met his mother.

She's really beautiful.

They just seem like
the perfect family.

And now I get it.

Where Barrett got
his confidence from.

Yeah, exactly.

He looks just like his dad.

And his dad is really happy.

So why shouldn't
Barrett be happy?

I used to spend hours
when I was a kid

just looking in the mirror,

trying to figure out
if I was handsome or not.

And what did you decide?

Well, it just depended
on the day.

If someone told me
I was handsome,

then I was handsome.

And if someone told me
I was ugly,

then I believed that.

I hardly ever look in the
mirror anymore though,

not if I can help it.

It's just too stressful.

When you met
your birth parents...

Did you... did you...

did you see yourself
in their faces?

Were they...

were they good-looking,
did you think?

And rich

and happy,

until they kicked me out.

Kicked you out?

Is that...

that's how you remember
the experience?

I imagine you've been
thinking quite a lot

about what happened

at Kevin and Karen's last week.

Yeah.

And when you were telling the
story of Barrett's father,

can I tell you
what I thought of?

Sure.

How last week
you were considering

donating your kidney

to your...
to your brother.

Did Kevin mention anything
about that in his email?

No.

I guess I was wrong
about all that.

You know, when you talk
about Barrett

it sounds like you saw his nose

as like a promise,
some kind of contract

passed down from father to son:

You have my nose;
You are my son;

I am a happy man therefore
you are a happy man.

So maybe you were
trying to create

your own contract with Kevin.

Maybe you thought,

if you gave your brother
a kidney, they'd have...

they'd really have to be
your parents finally

and recognize you

as part of them,

you know?

You're probably right.

That sounds smart.

Thanks.

You know, Jesse,
there's no reason

why you can't write Kevin back

and just say to him

how painful it was

to receive his email.

He has left the door open
to communication.

Yeah, when I feel
that I'm ready.

Yeah, I think that's up to you
to decide what that means.

Well, he basically just
told me to go fuck myself.

Okay, I can see

why you would think that.

Maybe he's trying
to give you space

if you need it,

but still maintain
a connection.

Look, if he really wanted to
maintain a connection with me

he shouldn't have given me
up for fucking adoption.

You have plans
for tonight,

for your birthday?

I might go to the
marriott in Times Square

to ride the elevators.

You can ride them for free.

They're glass.

And they go up
over this huge atrium.

It's really peaceful.

Sounds... sounds nice.

Will you invite anybody
to go with you?

Like who?

Josh, Raif.

They're out of town.

Anyone else?

What were you gonna say?

Nobody.

Nate, but he would never come.

- Why not?
- He just wouldn't.

So have you talked
to him recently?

Not since he beat
the crap out of me.

Do you want to speak to him?

No, he hates me.

You're certain of that?

He punched me.

Jesse, do you remember what
happened before he punched you?

Are you saying
that I deserved it?

No, I'm not.

Why don't they want me
in their lives?

What is so wrong with me?

I don't understand.

Am I that awful?

No, Jesse, you're not.

Well, then why don't
they want me?

I'm his son.

He kicked me out of his house.

I think he was frightened.

Of what?

Of the situation.

God, what does that mean?

Jesse, you were high.

And you were upset with them
after seeing your siblings.

From their point of view

you must have seemed
highly volatile.

You've been fantasizing
about Kevin and Karen

all your life.

You imagined that they
would be your saviors.

And now that you've met them,

you know that they're
not capable of that.

They're just ordinary people.
Worse than that...

they're deeply
disappointing.

And that's
incredibly difficult.

I don't want to be anywhere.

I don't want to talk to anyone.

I just want...

I just want to disappear.

Jesse,

as your therapist,

I'm not supposed to
tell you what to do,

but as someone who cares
about you, I'm going to.

Go home to the people
who love you

and celebrate your
birthday with them.

Go home.

I can't go home.

I have to get to RISD.

They want to set up
an interview.

That means I'm a finalist.

Roberto gave me money
for my birthday

and I'm gonna use it
to buy a train ticket.

Mm-hmm, and have you found a
way to cover the tuition?

No, I'm...

I'm just gonna show
them the pictures.

- Which pictures?
- The ones from Westchester.

- From the yard?
- Yeah.

I'll just show them
the pictures

and then I'll tell them
my story.

You said they don't
offer financial aid.

Are you hoping they'll
let you come anyway

because they're gonna
feel sorry for you?

That place was made for me.

You saw the brochure.

- It's a school for people
just like you. - Yeah.

A place where they'll finally

appreciate and embrace you,

the true home you've
been searching for.

Do you see what
you're doing here?

Go fuck yourself.

Jesse, y need
to stay here.

I know that running away
seems like a good idea now,

but I promise you you will take this
feeling with you wherever you go.

It will not leave you
until you deal with it.

And it won't leave you
even then,

but it will lessen.

And believe it or not,
eventually you'll be able

to draw a strength
from this experience

that you never
imagined possible.

How's your son?

You... you've asked me
that already.

He... he's fine.

Is he still here?

No, he...

he went back to Baltimore

to live with his...
with his mother.

Have you ever been to that ice
cream place by the waterfront?

I don't think so.

Well, I was thinking
of going there later

for my birthday.

Do you want to come?

Why don't you ask Roberto?

I can't.

Yes, you can.

- God, you don't understand.
- What don't I understand?

You so obviously don't get it.
Nobody gets it.

Jesse, look at me.
I get it.

I get it.

Is the session over?

Oh yes.
Yes, it is.

Do you want me to leave?

Not alone.

With your permission, I'd like
to call your mother and father

- to come pick you up.
- Please don't do that.

I'll be all right.

Just let me sit here
for a moment.

Okay.

I was looking forward
to this all week.