In Treatment (2008–2010): Season 2, Episode 22 - April: Week Five - full transcript

Nice cap.

Those stairs were so hard for me.

This keeps happening, you're gonna have
to start giving me therapy at chemo.

Two birds with one stone.

- You know what I like best about you?
- What?

My morbid sense of humor?

Your eyes.

I remember the first time
I came here

and as I was leaving
I looked at you,

and you looked at me
and I lost my breath for a moment.

It's a compliment.



I know.

Don't worry.
I'm not gonna jump you.

I'm in chemo...
I can barely keep my food down.

You know, they have drugs
they can give you

- that can counteract the nausea.
- You're not even my type.

But your eyes are...

Bottomless.

I'm just saying.

Are you okay?

I just...
I forget I can't do that anymore

because of the thing
I have there now.

Does the port hurt all the time?

Only if I move a certain way.

I can't remember them
cutting me open.



I didn't faint or anything, did I?

No.

Do you remember them putting it in?

Did you watch it happen?

Not... not all of it.

'Cause you didn't want
to see my breasts?

Trust me,
there's nothing really to see.

But thank you for not looking.

And thank you for taking me.

You're welcome.

{\You know, }It's funny... I've had so many
conversations with you in my head

over these last two weeks.

I mean, literally every day
we've talked

for, like, hours at a time.

We've had whole arguments in my head
and then we've made up.

And what...
What have we argued about?

Whether life is just bullshit
or there's something deeper behind it.

And what do I say?

{\Well, }You don't say much even in my head,
which I find frustrating.

But when I asked you

if it was all worth it, you said,

"Of course it is, April,

if you make yourself
and others happy."

What?

I'm such an optimist

in your head.

- You wouldn't have said that?
- What you're essentially doing

is giving yourself advice
in the form of my voice.

I know.

And very sound advice it is.

You're taking very good
care of yourself.

Once I asked you
not to give up on me.

And what did I say?

You said, "Never.

I just want to haze you
for a while."

What do you think I meant by that?

You're testing me.

And how do you pass?

I live.

Do you get extra points
for telling your parents?

Isn't it amazing
how many people have cancer?

And just, like,
having conversations, doing sudoku.

Did you see those two girls
in the corner on the computer?

They were shopping online...

For underwear.

We have catheters
coming out of our fucking hearts

and they're buying new bras.

You know, sometimes a little denial
is not a bad thing...

but don't tell anybody I said that.

I'm sorry I've been
such an asshole in here.

I told you... no apologies.

I mean, I didn't answer your calls.

I made you let me talk to Sienna
during a session.

I smashed my {\freaking }model in your office
and I left it for you to clean up.

I must be the worst patient
you've ever had.

Oh no, you're not.

Thank you for taking me.

And thank you for going.

No, really.

Thank you.

I heard that.

I had a bad night last week...

Just a few days after the chemo.

- I wanted to call you, but...
- Why didn't you call me?

You canceled our session.
I thought you needed a break.

- {\April, }That was nothing to do with you.
- It doesn't matter.

I called my best friend Leah instead.

Leah.

I haven't heard you
mention her name before.

What did you say to her?

Well, I...

I had woken up from this dream

where I was already dead

or...

No, not exactly.
It was more like I knew

that I was about to die,
like something was coming to kill me.

It was horrible.

But...

I also kind of wanted it to happen,

just to get it over with.

There's another way
of looking at that dream.

Maybe it's just the part of you
that refuses help...

I don't want to talk about
what the dream means.

I was just, you know,
setting the stage.

Understood.

Anyway, I woke up

with this really high fever,

like so high I was shaking...
I couldn't even hold a glass of water.

And I totally freaked.

I mean, I really thought
it was all about to end.

That's why I called Leah.

She came right over.

And she took one look at me
and called 911.

On the way there the ambulance guys were
asking me if I was on any medication

that they should know about.
And I said,

"Well, chemo."

So was Leah
in the ambulance with you?

And her mouth just...

sort of hit the floor. And...

I was so out of it
I just started apologizing.

You know, "I'm sorry.
I wouldn't have called, but...

I'm dying," and...

She took my hand and...

she said,
"April, you don't die this quickly."

She sounds like a true friend.

She really is.

Yet you hadn't told her
about the cancer till then.

I haven't seen her for a while.

She's in law school,
so she's been really busy.

Have you known each other for long?

We shared a bus stop
with a bunch of other kids.

When I was 10, Daniel came to school
with me for the first time.

He was trying kindergarten.

I was so afraid that everybody
was gonna make fun of him.

And that first day, I turned around

for just a second
and when I turned back around,

daniel was standing there singing

and holding his penis.

And I wanted to die right there.

I mean,
everybody was staring at him.

Nobody said anything

until...

Until Leah said, "Daniel,

you can sing
or you can hold your penis,

but you cannot sing
and hold your penis."

Everybody started laughing.

Then all the guys started
singing and holding their own dicks.

It was amazing.

So she's always looked out for you?

We've looked out for each other.

Her mom died
when we were in high school,

so she came to live with us
for a while.

She's really more like a sister
than a friend.

You know, her reaction when...

When you called her reminded me of

how Kyle reacted
when you called him,

when you were having trouble
with the model, remember?

You said that he also

came right over.

Yeah, so?

So it seems like the people in your life
are very committed to you.

I have good taste in people.

I think it's more than that.

I think that you demand

incredible loyalty.

So the only people
you allow to get close to you

are the people you feel
that can measure up,

people you feel
that can really go the distance.

I'm incredibly loyal
to them as well.

Yes, I know that.

So why are you making it
sound like it's a bad thing?

I guess I just wonder why you work
so hard to make friends who are...

so fiercely devoted to you and then,

when you need help,
you seem reluctant to rely upon them.

I called leah.

Yeah, that's true,

but you waited until you thought
that you were dying.

It's like a bank.

You keep taking money out,

then eventually
there'll be nothing left.

So you think that there's only
a limited amount of support

that one person can offer another

and when that support is used up,
it's gone forever?

If Leah had cancer,
would you get tired of helping her?

But not everyone is like me.

And what do you mean
everybody is not like you?

In the emergency room,

the doctor told me I should expect

more fevers just like this one.

As he said it, I saw Leah's face.

She just looked terrified.

For herself or for you?

Enough. I get it.
{\I mean, }I get what you're trying to say.

I just don't agree with you.
Is that okay?

Of course.

Not everyone is like me, Paul.

I mean, I know you think I'm crazy,
but I'm right.

I don't think you're crazy, April.

You canceled our session last week.

Yes, I'm...

I'm sorry about that.

How did you feel
when you got the message?

Well, considering we've determined
that I have a tough time

elying on people, it was a pretty
ballsy move on your part.

What happened?

I had a family

emergency.

So what happened?

You don't want to tell me?

Come on. I told you I have cancer.

Just know that
if I could've been there for you...

I would have been.

I know that.

Hey, how old are you?

A bit... a bit passed 50.

'Cause I was thinking this week,
when...

When Leah's mom died she was 35...

We were 15 and she was 35...
And I remember

her being so old,
like middle-aged, and...

now she seems so young to me.

And I was wondering,

you know, if I make it to 35,

will I look back on the time
in here and think,

"When I was 23

and Paul was 50,
he seemed middle-aged.

And now he seems so young."

You'll have to let me know
when you get there.

So we'll keep in touch?

My hair started falling out.

They say I'll...

wake up one day next week
and the rest of it will just

be there on the pillow.

It's gonna be hard to keep it
from my parents after that happens.

I guess you and I
should start strategizing.

Or maybe you could just tell them.

I bet you and my dad
would actually get along.

You're both sort of intense
in the same way.

I think you should be part
of that conversation.

We could ask them
to come with you to therapy.

That might work.

We could schedule something
before your next chemotherapy session.

No, we can't.

It's tomorrow.

So...

Who's gonna take you?

You?

And what about Leah?

What about her?

Wouldn't you prefer if she took you?

Do you not want to take me?

It's not a question of whether
I want to take you.

Okay, are you refusing to take me?

- You still haven't told your parents.
- So?

So you've got a whole system of support
in place that you're not using.

I don't want my mother
to take me to chemo.

- Why not?
- Because I want you to take me.

I think we should talk about why you
still can't tell this to your parents.

- Is this some kind of a joke?
- No, it's not.

I am your therapist and you need one{\a therapist},
but you also need a caregiver

and I cannot be both people.

You mean you won't.

- It isn't appropriate.
- Yeah, but you've already taken me.

I... I had to do that.

- Nobody forced you.
- It was the right thing to do.

April, you are very sick,
but I crossed a line.

What line?!
There's no line!

There needs to be a line
if I'm to continue being your therapist.

- You just drew the damn line!
- April, listen to me.

I knew you couldn't take it.

I knew as soon as you saw that...

them put that port into my heart,
you said, "Fuck this shit.

This isn't my daughter.
This isn't my problem."

What's going on?

Tell me.

I can't.

Yes, you can.

I can't do this.

I'm gonna fail your fucking test.

No, you won't.

People die of this shit every day.

But not everyone is
as strong as you, remember?

I thought you were gonna
take care of me.

I'm trying.

No, you're dropping me.

No, I'm not dropping you.

I'm here for you, April,
as your therapist.

Until you're not.

I was so scared last week.

I dreamt I was dead.

I need you then.
I know.

I had a family

emergency.

What happened?
Did your dog die?

My father.

What?

It's okay.

He...

He'd been sick for a while.

Your father died?

How could you let me

go on blathering like this

when your... your father just died?

- I appreciate your concern...
- Were you close?

No, not really.

Why not?

He left the family when...

When I was young.

So was your mom at the funeral?

No, my mom has been gone
for a while.

When?

A long time ago.

Jesus.

So you've had it pretty rough,
haven't you?

I'm... I'm sorry.

We all have our fights to fight.

Well, look at you.

You deal with Daniel every day.

God, why do you have to do that?

- Do what?
- Turn everything around

so that it's about me
and my experience.

Can't I just feel bad for you?

Sure.

Go ahead.

So are you...

Feeling bad for me now?

Yes.

We're having a whole conversation
in my head.

I have expressed my sympathies
about your father, and you have

gratefully and graciously
accepted my condolences.

Good.

You know, having a fantasy life
as powerful as that...

The ability to play out
whole scenarios

in your head... that's...

That's the mark of
a highly intelligent person.

- Really?
- Yes.

Yes, according to some studies.

And what do the other studies
consider it a sign of?

Utter insanity.

Can we go back to talking about
your chemo session tomorrow?

Who can take you?

I don't know.

I understand you don't want
to talk to your mother...

And I appreciate
Leah can't take the stress...

Yeah. She's got midterms.

But you must have other friends
who would like to be there.

I guess so.

What about Kyle?

When you figure out who's gonna
take you, will you let me know?

Why?

I want to know
that you've found somebody.

I'm sorry about your dad, Paul.