In Treatment (2008–2010): Season 2, Episode 17 - April: Week Four - full transcript

I know I'm early,
but it's cold in the waiting room.

- Can I come inside?
- Sure.

I have to leave this on.

Daniel might call
and if he does, I'll have to go.

How are you feeling?

I'm fine.

Good.

So how did the conversation go
with your mother?

I told you I'd call you
after it was over.

I didn't hear from you.

You didn't have the conversation?



She was driving
when you called her, right?

Right.

Did she call you back?

Did you answer?

Of course I answered.
Don't I always answer?

I couldn't tell her.

Why not?

I wasn't in a place
where I could talk.

Where were you?

The lobby of Sloan-Kettering.

I just went to see
how it would feel.

And...

How did it feel?

Like going to a hotel.
Like checking into



one of those fancy airport hotels
in a city where nobody actually lives.

There was this girl behind the desk.
She was like my age.

She smiled at me and...

she was like, "Can I help you?"

And I know that's just something
you say to people, but...

I sort of took her at face value
in the moment and...

I was like, "Can she help me?

No, probably not.
I mean,

she doesn't know
how to cure cancer."

But still,
she deals with it every day.

The minute she looked at you,
she must have known.

- Are you telling me that she didn't...
- {\Well, }My mom,

just she called back
and I had to leave to get reception.

She was like,

"Where are you?
You sound funny."

And I was like,

"Well, mom, I'm...

I'm actually a little sick."

So she started to lecture me
on how I don't take care of myself.

I don't wash my hands when
I get off of the subway

and I need to stop biting
my nails because I'm a grownup.

- She was really stressed out.
- Why was she stressed out?

Daniel tried to kill himself...

Again.

I'm sorry to hear that.

Last week
you said he was doing better.

I should've realized
that that was a warning sign.

- What happened?
- He tried to jump off the roof.

Anyway he's meeting now
with one of his old teachers, this...

this miracle worker... Mr. Heath.

He's the Anne Sullivan
to Daniel's Helen Keller.

He teaches at this special school
for autistic boys.

My parts sent Daniel there
when he was 10.

They took out a second
mortgage to pay for it,

because things had gotten so bad.

Daniel had

these two bald spots on either side
of his head from hitting himself.

The hair just stopped growing in.

And what was it that this Mr. Heath

did for Daniel?

He got Daniel to wear
a helmet for a while.

And daniel thought the...

helmet gave him special powers.

He thought it made him...

What?

It made him what, April?

Just stay with the thought.
It made him what?

He thought it made him smart.

Anyway...

He's supposed to...

He's supposed to call me
after the meeting's over,

so I might have to go pick him up.

Well, can't your mother do that?

She's busy?

No, she...

She can't deal with him...

Not when he's this bad.
Not when he wants to die.

Did he actually say that?
"I want to die"?

No, he says

he wants to turn into a cloud
and float away,

but he knows what would happen to him
if he stepped off a building.

He's not stupid.

He just... He gets so tired
of everything feeling so strange.

Well, right now the world must seem

pretty strange to you as well.

And you're going it alone,

without any Mr. Heath

to save you.

Isn't that supposed to be your job?

Yes, it is.

But if you don't let me in,
I can't help you.

And that scares me,
because I'm afraid that if you don't,

we'll waste the little
time that we have left.

Jesus.

Kind of blunt today, aren't you?

I think I'm depressed.

Okay.
Tell me why.

Probably because I have cancer.

Right.

But can you tell me
what you're feeling?

I'm not feeling anything.

I'm just sort of sick

and tired and just...

I don't know,
just kind of disgusted with everything.

I'll be brushing my teeth
and I'll look at myself in the mirror

and suddenly I'll look so ugly,

just awful. And...

And before I know it
I'm on the bathroom floor,

just starting at the lint
in the bath mat, and I...

I have no idea how
I'm going to get back up again.

That sounds like depression.

It also might be
what happens when you feel

that things are slipping
out of your control.

It's horrible.

When you're feeling like that,
I want you to call me.

- Why?
- Listen to me.

I don't care what time of the day
or night it is, you call me.

Do you understand?
That's what I'm here for.

You want to talk to me
when I'm on the bathroom floor?

Any time.

I saw my mom last week
for the first time in a while.

She took me to brunch.

And what did you talk about?

My brother.

Did she notice how...

How tired you look?

I put on some makeup...

A lot of makeup, actually.

So you didn't want her

to not see you at your best.

I always try to look good
when I see her.

- Why?
- It makes her feel better.

But this last time
I could've lost an arm

- and she wouldn't have noticed.
- Because of Daniel.

Sort of.

Also...

she wants to leave my father.

Did she tell you that?

{\I mean, }It's not a big deal.

She's been saying that
for as long as I can remember.

"Life would be so much
easier without your father.

Never marry a workaholic."
Blah blah blah.

The fucked up thing is she doesn't
actually want to leave him.

She's crazy about him.

She is.

But she said she wanted to leave.

Do you think it's possible that

what she wants to leave is Daniel?

You know, I think your mother passes
a lot of her anxiety on to you.

But I don't think
the relationship is balanced,

because you don't pass
your problems back to her.

I'm sorry I brought her up. It's...

You don't talk about your dad
a lot in here.

I know.

I don't have that much
to say about him.

He's never around.
He's always at the hospital.

For a while when we were young...

Daniel kept forgetting who he was.

He'd call him mister,
like, "Hey, mister."

But Daniel kept getting worse as he got
older and my dad couldn't handle it

- and he just checked out.
- On both of you?

He and I have our own relationship.

I used to wait up for him

until he came home.

I'd sit with him
while he ate his dinner.

He'd talk abouhis day, his patients.

So he treated you like an adult.

- It was nice.
- It sounds like he understands you.

But he didn't raise me.

He just got to sweep in
at the end of the day

and talk to the healthy
child for 15 minutes.

She was with Daniel
day in and day out.

Do you think part of the reason
{\that }you treasured those moments

was because your dad was talking
about something other than Daniel?

She needs to talk to someone.

Of course. I understand that,
but why couldn't she tell a friend?

It wasn't anybody else's business.

It's okay, paul.

I could handle it.

I wanted to handle it.

She gets overwhelmed.
She needs to vent.

So after she vents and she puts
the stress, the disappointment

and the worry of her own life
on your shoulders,

who do you turn to?

Or do you just carry it with you,
your burden and hers?

Are we out of time?

No, we don't have to worry
about the time.

You know, I've been...

I've been reading up on autism

and it seems like
there's some pretty

promising research coming out.

- There's never gonna be a cure.
- You seem pretty certain about that.

It's not a disease.

If it's not{\ a disease}, there can't be a cure.

Actually, some scientists seem to
be reconsidering that assumption.

Well, that's because they're being
funded by rich, desperate people.

Autistic children don't get better,
they just get older.

I'm sorry if that sounds cynical.

No, it doesn't.

But you're right. Those children
eventually become adults and their...

Their parents die.

And when that happens it falls on
somebody else to take care of them.

In Daniel's case,
that would be you, April,

for the rest of your life.

I'm a horrible person.

Why would you say that?

Because I don't want to do it.

He ruined their lives.
He ruined their marriage.

You can't... You can't
give Daniel what he needs

and have any space for anyone else.

Well, your mother couldn't,
but you're not your mother.

- You can make different choices.
- She didn't make any choices.

- She gotstuck.
- She did, April.

But every life is...
It's a constellation of choices.

Nobody escapes making them.

You mother made choices
that kept her locked into Daniel.

- You can choose differently.
- He's my brother.

I'm not suggesting
that you abandon him,

but you don't know what the future
holds for either of you.

You don't know
what sort of innovations

are gonna come along
in the treatment of autism.

You're not psychic, april.

You can't predict the future.
You can't control it.

The only thing you can do

in relation to the future now

is to decide whether or not
you want to be in it.

- I look like such shit right now.
- Okay, that's enough.

We have to start talking now
about chemo.

Hi, Daniel.
How was your meeting?

You didn't see Mr. Heath?

Where are you?

I'm going to call you back
in just one minute.

Will you pick up the phone?

Promise?

Okay, bye.

Mr. Heath.
Hi, it's April.

Yeah, I know.
I just spoke to him.

No, he's fine.
He's in Central Park.

He's at the sailboat pond.

He likes it there.

But if I go and get him right now

could I still bring him
to see you today?

Do you still have time?

I'm in Brooklyn now,
so it'll take me a few hours.

Thank you so much.

Damn it, pick up.

Come on, pick up.

I'm gonna come and meet
you in about an hour,

but I want you to stay
right where you are.

Okay, will you do that?
Will you stay?

All right, I'm gonna see you soon.

What happened?

You fainted!

What?

- No way.
- Yes way.

You are sick

and you're not taking care
of yourself. Sit down!

You need to eat.

You need sugar in your system.

You don't have to do that.

You're not calling
the shots now, I am!

Now you stay there
and you don't move!

I just stood up too quickly. I have
really low blood sugar. I'm used to it.

- I'm fine. Really.
- Do you see what you're doing?

You're treating me just the way
you treat your parents.

Can we talk about it next week?

Are you so afraid
that I won't be able to help you?

Yeah, I have to go.

2 minutes ago you were
passed out on the couch,

- now you're off to save the world.
- I'm not going to save the world.

- I'm going to save my brother.
- Call your mother.

Tell her to go get him.

- Why not?
- Because I can do it.

There has to be another option.

You can't take care of everything
and everybody all the time.

Listen.
It's okay if you can't handle this.

What?

I saw how you panicked there.
I get it.

It's scary what I have,
what I'm going through.

I don't have to come back here
if you can't handle it.

Is that what you think I was doing?
You think I was panicking?

- Come on, you freaked.
- Okay, let's say I freaked.

- What does that mean?
- That means I can't come back here.

- Why not?
- Because you can't handle me.

It's possible to live in a world
where people panic,

where people let each other down,

where they disappoint each other
but still help each other.

I will get sicker and sicker.

I'm gonna keep passing out
on your couch.

I'll probably vomit on your couch.

And then eventually

I'm gonna die on your couch.
Is that really what you want?

No! I want you
to go to chemotherapy!

Do you even know what chemo is?!

It is poison that they administer
directly to your heart!

They put this big pump
right to your heart.

And do you know why?

Because if they just gave you a shot
and some of it got under your skin,

- it would melt your fucking flesh!
- That is not gonna happen to you!

You don't know that.

You don't know anything.

You can't stop what's
gonna happen to me.

The nausea and the pain,

my hair.

You'll tell me

that life is beautiful
and I have to be brave

and I'll say,
"yes yes yes," blah blah blah.

But I'll be lying
and you know that I'll be lying.

And one morning
you're gonna wake up and...

say to yourself,

"I just wish that fucking girl...

I just wish that fucking girl
would leave me alone

so I can be happy again."
You won't be able to handle it.

You won't.

So to help someone is... is torture.

It's unbelievably painful.
It's hell.

Yeah?

If you let me help you,
I will hate you for it.

Yeah?

And I'll probably fail you anyway.

Yeah?

Hi, mom.

No, he didn't.

I don't know what happened. He...

He's in Central Park.
I was...

I was gonna go and get him,
but I got stuck somewhere.

Well, I'm in Brooklyn now.

Could you go get him?

Because I can't leave.

No, I can't.

I can't.

I ca... I can't, mo...

She hung up.

- Our time is up.
- Can you wait a minute?

- Just sit down for a minute.
- Don't you have another patient?

No, I want to say something to you.
Sit down.

Listen.

If we had more time,

we could find a way to tell your mother
and see if she could handle it.

But you don't have time.

Do you understand that?

And, April, I'm not going
to sit here week after week

and watch you just slip away.

We have to begin
treatment today, now.

I tried. I told you I went there.
I couldn't do it.

Last week you said that the things
we discuss in this room make sense

while you're here, and then
when you leave everything changes.

What is it about this room

that makes things seem...

Different?

I don't know.

The isolation, the detachment.

You.

What if I come with you
to the hospital?

Would you?

Yes.

Now?

Yes.

Right now.