In My Skin (2020–…): Season 2, Episode 1 - Episode 1 - full transcript
Bethan may have a new love interest and makes a shock discovery about her mum.
This programme contains strong
language
I dared you to go in. That means
you have to go in.
No. Oh... Why have I got to do it?
Lyd, tell him.
Trav, you've got to stop being such
a pussy.
Like, your face is actually
morphing into a labia majora.
Trav, they've got free crisps
and biscuits in there.
Yeah. Come on. I swear. Do it.
BOTH CHANT: Do it, do it, do it, do
it...
Oh, my God, you're such little
sods.
THEY GIGGLE
FROM ROOM: Yes?
Hi, miss. Um, I was just wondering,
are we all right to come in?
Who's "we"?
Oh, but of course, it's Tweedledee,
Tweedledum and Tweedle Plum.
Who's Plum? You. You are. Shut up!
Right, come in, sit down, shut up.
WHISPERS: Hey, get the crisps. Get
the crisps.
Oh, bloody hell!
As I was saying before we were
rudely interrupted...
Oh, relax, Pete.
Yeah, take the pole out your bum.
How is that shutting up?
..there should be a means based
system in place
before people are
allowed to breed.
If you're on x amount of salary,
you can have two children.
If you're on this match,
you can have three.
CAM SCOFFS
Something funny?
No, it's not funny. It's eugenics,
mate.
Speaker, I've actually got
time left on the clock.
Sorry, go on.
My point is as long as we allow
people to spawn children
they can't afford and let the state
prop them up, the rest of society
is held back.
THEY GIGGLE
Sorry, I'm not trying to hold
you back.
Yeah, OK, Cam.
60 seconds for the opposer, OK?
Um...
..the proposer suggests
a salary-based child cap
to relieve financial
stresses on the state.
But how do we enforce that?
If a family breaks the cap,
do we lock up the parents?
Prison costs something like £40,000
per person per year,
so that's 80k
for mum and dad.
Currently, Family Allowance is £20
a week for your first child and £13
a week for every child thereafter.
I haven't got any abacus on me,
but that's, like, a lot cheaper.
Or should we start sterilising women
as soon as they've hit their cap?
In a nutshell, the motion proposed
is impossible to enforce, immoral
and puts the state in the position
of playing God.
And women have had enough of white
men in suits policing their wombs.
Thanks. Proposer, any counter
points?
Yes. The suggestion that prison
and sterilisation are the only
courses of action is absolutely
MUFFLED FART
ludicrous and sensationalist.
STUDENTS GIGGLE
Oh, my God.
Pete, did you just fart?
Oh, grow up! OK, right!
Come on. You can smell it...
You've usually got a lot
to say for yourself.
Do you think there should be
a salary-based child cap?
If there was, I wouldn't exist.
Um, if you can't buy a kid
nice trainers,
don't have a kid, innit?
Very astute. Thanks for that.
BELL RINGS
Right, OK. Come on.
Out, I want my lunch.
That was boring. I'm taking these.
SINGING: I saw this girl driving
past, we never met each other.
We going out tonight, then?
No, I can't, sorry. No, I told you,
my mother's cut me off.
Well, just take money from her
purse.
She said she'd shave my head if she
caught me doing that.
Imagine!
Hi, Lozza. It'd suit you, babe.
No, it wouldn't. I'd look like
a sucked baked bean.
Mate, Cam! That was wicked earlier.
Sorry?
Your argument to Peter,
you watching him sweating!
You smashed it. Yeah, well done.
Thanks.
We're going to go to the park if
you want to come? No, we're not.
I've got to go home. See you.
Bye. Bye.
What you rimming Cam for?
No, I'm not!
Your tongue is so deep
in her sphincter.
Bethan! Yeah.
Your mum still hasn't signed
the forms for the trip.
Then I'll do it tonight. Miss, are
we allowed to drink at the open day?
I need it tomorrow or
you can't come.
I know. Sorry. She's been working.
You're head girl.
You should be there.
Chill, woman! I'll do it, man.
You're obsessed with me.
Watch it!
THEY GIGGLE
Oh, my God, look at this big
dick energy, Beth. Woohoo!
DOOR OPENS
Woo-woo!
Thought you'd pulled, then,
didn't you? As if. All right?
Giz a hand.
What you up to? I've come to see
you. I need to you to sign the forms
for my uni trip.
Here. Come in and see Nana.
There you go. VIP entrance.
Outside our doors,
the weather might be grey,
but in here, we know we'll have a
lovely day.
Excited you stand
to buy your bingo books,
greeting each other with "Hiya"s
and cheeky looks.
We all cross our fingers
and pray to the Lord,
"Let it be my name that adorns
the winner's board."
Right, that's the end of that.
APPLAUSE
Hooray! Right...
I tell you what, you've got a
gift...
You should read each other's poems.
Yeah, maybe, yeah. You haven't
given me my kiss.
Oi-oi!
Gwen Evans won on the link.
And she gave you some?
Christ, she must like you.
Gwen Evans is a tight old boot.
Dinner's on me, girls.
Now you're talking!
Perry, look after that for me, kid.
Watch my ribs, man, Marge.
Nan, careful!
Perry, this is my girl.
She going uni.
Oh, well done you.
WHISPERS: You've got to stop saying
that. I will never stop saying that.
THEY CHUCKLE
Oh, my God, we've got to get one
of these, girls.
Well, that's me,
happy as a dog with two dicks.
Yeah.
I'm a Burger Babe. They're fabulous.
Yeah. Look at us all matching.
Could be in a band, couldn't we?
We are the Burger Babes.
BOTH CHANT: We are the Burger Babes.
We are the Burger Babes.
We are the Burger Babes...
No! The pair of you!
You're not even funny, man.
I think we're side-splitting.
Hey, Trin. Mm? Did you hear? It all
kicked off today
between Roger Hughes
and Doreen Pinkett?
You know Doreen...? Wears a wig.
Roger found one of her spare wigs
in the staffroom. Course, he puts
it on, he's flouncing around, isn't
he? "Look at me, I'm Doreen!"
She only walks in and catches him.
She was tamping!
She had him by the throat.
She called him a bastard troll doll!
Troll doll?
Cos he's so short, he looks like
he'd fit on the end of a pencil.
THEY CHUCKLE
Fucking hell, we rolled.
Fucking troll doll!
Beth. Beth? Nan!
Careful, man, I nearly liked that,
then.
Here, you've hardly touched your
Monster Burger.
You can have it if you want.
Ooh, that's not like you to miss a
meal, love.
You can't say stuff like that.
Do you know how many teenage girls
have got eating disorders?
PHONE VIBRATES
Is that Dilly? Mm.
Hi, Dil! Yeah.
No, I'm just with your mum.
Oh, you must be starving, yeah.
Right, we're leaving now.
Are we? Sorry.
Get him a burger. You do know
he can make his own food, don't you?
He's been working all day, man!
Yeah, so's she.
All right, come on. CHANTS: We are
the Burger Babes.
No, stop it! We are the Burger
Babes. We are the Burger Babes!
We are the Burger Babes...
TV: ..previous arrests for
trafficking were in central Bristol.
We're back!
Sorry, love. Got you food.
What am I rushing home for if
you're not even here?
Sorry, it's just Mum's been on her
feet all day.
I wanted to get her a dinner.
I'll get the sauces. Work all right?
HE BELCHES LOUDLY
Disgusting, revolting, sick prick.
Get your shoes off the chair.
They're not touching the chair.
Get them off.
Get them down, Beth. Seriously?
They're like, one mile from the
chair.
Push me now and see what happens.
Beth, take 'em down, love.
Not so hard, was it?
Right, programme about monkeys
I want to watch now. Better be good.
Oh, good.
Problem? No.
Say it if you've got something
to say. I haven't.
Just leave it, Dil, she's in a mood.
Right, what channel's this on?
Hey. What?
You ignorant little sh...
Oh, piss off!
What did you just say?
You're a lazy fuck!
That's what you are, a lazy fu...
Dil, stop!
Just ignore her!
You going to let her speak to me
like that?
WHISPERS: Prick!
DISTANT ARGUING
SHE BREATHES HEAVILY, MUTTERS
SHE BREATHES DEEPLY
RADIO, QUIET: So what's the appeal
of holidays...?
New this week at BBC Radio Wales.
And great music on the way from
Celeste, Alicia Keys and Chic...
Your calls, your stories.
Mornings with Jason Mohammad...
RADIO CONTINUES IN BACKGROUND
You're up early. Mm.
What's this?
Oh, no, Mam, don't do that.
They'll go flat.
Oh! Oh. What?
They're already flat, babe. Oh, no!
Oh, what the hell?
Love... Oh! ..should have used
self-raising.
Yeah, well, I know that now,
don't I? I'm not stupid.
What are they meant to be? Muffins!
They look a bit grey.
Forms. Buy some muffins.
There you go, Bob's your uncle,
Fanny's your crotch. Ta.
Do you ever smile any more?
Oh, God, you're gorgeous.
Gimme them cheeks. Mmm!
No, stop it! Get off!
Right, I'm going. Love you.
I could eat you.
Fine. Love you. Bye. Bye.
Have a nice day.
DOOR SLAMS
LAUGHTER
You watching?
Lyds, you watching?
Oh, my... You're going to break a
rib.
HE GUFFAWS
Oh, I've got, um, blueberry
muffins.
TRAVIS: Oh, lush. Have you spat in
'em?
Does anyone want a blueberry muffin?
Oh, stunning. Yeah, please.
Oh, there she is.
Hi, Loz.
Give us a taste of your skanky muff,
Beth!
HE CACKLES
What we got, Lyds?
It looks like a clit, don't it?
Looks more like
your micro dick, Priest. As if.
I've got a fat, sweaty
frankfurter, babe.
Oh, why is it sweating?
Yeah, you want to get some Lynx
on that, babes.
Well, it's up yours, eh? It's
fucking wet from all the pussies.
Oh! OK.
Oh, gutting! Priest's dick smells
like Lozza Chapman's piss.
Oh! Oh, d'oh! Pity!
CAM: Get back to your breakdancing,
mate. Shut up, Cam. Fuck off.
Bunch of munters. Move, trollop!
Fuck's sake.
BELL RINGS
Hey, what are you chewing a wasp
for? I'm not.
Look, if you fancy Cam... I don't.
What? ..just ask her if she's a
lesbian.
Hey. Hey. All right, Lorraine?
Do I smell of BO?
What you asking that for?
Cos I heard Lydia say it, and now
everyone's saying
"Bo-Bo like Lo-Lo" to Priest, so...
I wouldn't worry. Just, like,
ignore them.
Do I, though?
I'm asking you because I know
you'll be honest with me.
Um, yeah, I-I don't know, like...
..maybe sometimes, like, after
PE or something.
I appreciate that.
Cam is a lesbian, by the way.
How'd you know that?
I asked her if she was a virgin.
What, out of the blue, just asked
her if she was a virgin?
Yeah. You can't do that, Lorraine.
What'd she say? She's not.
And she's got an ex called Chelsea,
so...
Chelsea is a girl's name, innit?
Yeah. Yeah.
So Atticus shoots the rabid dog,
but is it just a dog being shot
or does it symbolise something
more?
That's rude, man. A dog is for life.
STUDENTS GIGGLE
Just button it for once.
Ooh, touchy.
You on the blob, miss?
Because it has rabies,
It's a threat to the community.
So in shooting the dog...
What?
It symbolises that Atticus is
trying to protect the community
from danger, both rabies and racism.
Yes.
WHISPERS: Nice. Nailed it.
Bethan!
What? I'm just saying she nailed it.
Try saying nothing.
Nothing.
STUDENTS GIGGLE
The other element is that Atticus
gets to impress his kids.
Before, they thought their dad
was just an old fart.
But now they know he's the best
shot in the county.
Right, page 32, everyone, please.
WHISPERS: Cam.
WHISPERS: I'm trying to listen.
Ha, reject-a-mundo, babe! Shut up!
Bethan, I'm not
going to tell you again!
All right, relax, like.
Get out!
Sorry, I'm listening.
No, no. Pack up your stuff and get
out.
STUDENT GIGGLES
STUDENTS MUTTER
Head girl, everybody.
Shameful look!
LYDIA: Did you actually feel, like,
your bum hole constrict?
Or did it fall out
and it's in your pants right now
and you've just not done anything
about it?
It was so awkward!
Are you OK?
I've never seen Miss Morgan like
that.
Oh, whatever, Trav. Who gives
a fuck?
Dibsies on this. Er, no! Give it!
What? It's not all for you, you pig.
Give it.
Shall I nick her trolley?
Yes! Why?
Stop being boring. Yeah, do it.
OK, one sec.
Go on. Shh. There she is.
Oh, my God, she's done it!
Hey! I've got stuff in that!
Legend!
THEY LAUGH
We did it! Where you going?
BETHAN SCREAMS
I'm flying! Jack!
Guys, we're out. Oh, that's because
you've drunk it.
I didn't drink at all! You're a
pisshead. That's bullshit.
This happens all the time. You, you
downed half that. That's a lie.
That is the biggest lie ever! You,
you're always the first to finish.
You usually shove it down your
throat whole. Shut up!
You guzzled... Shut up. ..you
guzzled, like, three quarters.
Shu-u-u-t up. Shut up.
What time is it? Um...
..quarter past five.
Are you fucking kidding me?
No, it's ridic... No! I might just
go home. What?
Go on, then. You're so boring.
Er, Lyd, have you got any more
money? I'll try and get us served.
No, I've told you, my mother's cut
me off.
I want to go as well
and make her cook for me.
No! What, are you just going to
leave me? It's 5pm.
You pair of pussies! Like, what's
the point if we're out of booze?
Oh, we should have deodorant.
Sorry, what? Got some in my bag,
look.
Er, amazing. 72 hour protection!
Er, what?
Hang on, sorry.
How do you even do that? I don't...
Trav, do you live under a rock?
Stop it.
No, I just don't know how to huff
deodorant. Stop being so boring,
look.
Travis, this is how you do it,
right? What are you doing in a
trolley?
Hey? What?
Nothing, I'm just sitting.
She behaving herself?
Y-Yeah.
Just going to drop
these home for you and Dad.
What to share them?
Oh, thank you. Thank you. Right.
Don't be home late, you. Right.
Hang on, I'm just going to go
and ask her for money.
Be back now. Oh, foot up.
What the fuck?
Her mother works at the bingo?
What you walking around dressed like
that for?
Want me to get changed, do you? I
only get half an hour for me break
and I've got to sort your dad's tea
out.
Fine, but don't talk to my friends,
then.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Too good for me now, are you?
Well, you won't be asking me for
more money then, will you,
if you're too good for my money
from the bingo?
Don't be a dick.
What did you just say?
Are you deaf?
Don't be a dick.
Get in the car. No.
I said, get in the car. you're not
speaking to me like that.
You're grounded. What, you suddenly
want to act like a mother, now,
is it? Jog on, Trin. Get in the car.
I hate you!
Sorry, Mam, I...
Don't be late.
Come on, I was only joking. Mam!
No, you weren't.
ENGINE STARTS
Whatever, then.
SHE SNIFFS
Piece of shit!
Fuck's sake, Beth!
SHE SNIFFS
WHISPERS: Twat!
You OK? Oh, my God, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no!
Why have you got your hand
in a drain?
I dropped my bracelet.
CAM CHUCKLES
Want a hand?
Please.
CAM GROWLS
It's like Jenga.
Do you mean Operation?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, wait, I think I got it.
Oooh! Yeah!
Oh, mate! Hanging! What is that?
Definitely thought that was going to
be gold or something.
Thank you. Family heirloom.
Sorry about earlier.
You got done. Yeah.
So do you, um...
Do you have any hobbies? Or...
THEY GIGGLE
Oh, no, don't worry. That's stupid.
No, it's not stupid!
Oh, no, sorry, I just feel a bit,
just...
Just had a bit to drink earlier,
that's all. I can tell.
Are you...? What are you doing now?
I'm just going to drive home.
You can drive? Yeah.
I passed with two minors.
Fair play.
Well, um... I could show you around,
just to know the area and stuff,
but you don't have to if you don't
want to, just...
Yeah. All right.
OK, cool. Let's do it.
Yeah, let's go.
Right, see this roundabout?
Lydia did her first titty wank on
here.
THEY LAUGH
Traditional Welsh cuisine, is it?
Yeah, I've got the same.
This is where you come to pick
up prostitutes.
Is this all just roundabouts?
Someone bit my nipple there.
I can shove it down in one.
You go first.
INDISTINCT
ENGINE STOPS
CAM CHUCKLES
What?
Nothing, it's just funny that we're
sat in a car park for doggers.
See that two flashes? Mm.
Yeah? That means,
"You wank, I watch."
No, it doesn't. It does, honestly.
Don't turn the music down, though.
You'll hear balls slapping.
CAM BANGS DOOR
Ugh!
Are these balls made of concrete?
Shouldn't this be in a museum?
Er, yeah,
alongside your family heirloom.
What is that?
It's a iPod Shuffle, mate.
All right.
That's actually full of bangers,
I'll have you know.
Every song on there has a piece in
my heart. Mm.
So how come you moved here?
Er, we've moved a few times,
actually.
Me mum's the manager of a gym.
She mega-fit?
Yeah, she runs marathons.
Is she a MILF?
Objectively speaking, yeah.
Would I fancy her?
Don't know. Don't know what your
type is.
So, um, will you go back
to Manchester for uni?
No, I'm not going to do uni.
What? It'll be like Big Brain
Central.
CAM LAUGHS
Cool. Very cool.
Erm, no, I thought about it,
but, like, my mum always said,
"I'm going to teach you how to
think, not tell you what to think."
And with uni, it's just, like, we
all pay thousands of pounds to go
and have our brains coded in the
exact same way.
Like, just have us all regurgitating
the exact same lessons
on the exact same subjects.
Turning us into sheep, basically.
And they charge you for it.
It's a scam.
Well, your mum did a good job,
because I like the way you think.
Well, I am Big Brain Central,
after all.
What are you going to do?
Don't know, not sure.
So...what will you do
if you don't go to uni?
I'm going to go to Marseilles.
Really? Yeah, my dad's from there.
Is he?
Can you speak French? Um...
..I can actually, yeah.
Say something.
THEY GIGGLE
Erm, je suis dans une voiture
avec une mof qui est
insupportable mais...
..je l'aime bien comme meme.
Oh, my God, that's so fucking
cool.
What did you say?
It's a secret.
Say something in Welsh.
OK.
SHE CLEARS HER THROAT
Ready?
Ydy DVD fi yn dy dy di?
BETH SNORTS
What? What does that mean?
"Is my DVD in your house?"
Oh, wow. Well, thank you for saying
that. It really means a lot.
Pleasure.
Is my DVD in your house, though?
No, absolutely not, mate.
THEY SIGH
You still wasted?
No.
No.
Um, I should probably go.
My mum's going to kill me.
Aren't you going to kiss me?
What?
I thought that's why you pretended
to want to show me around.
Rate yourself. Fucking hell.
OK.
Cool.
Cool.
CAM GIGGLES
I should probably take you home,
shouldn't I?
Don't want your mum to kill you.
Yeah.
ENGINE SPLUTTERS
Fuck! What?
Ah!
We've had the music on. The
battery's flat.
Oh, no! OK, shit, um...
OK. What do we do?
We need jump leads.
Well, let's just ask the doggers.
Hm, what? Yeah, it's fine.
No way! That's too mental!
What? They're just having a wank.
They're not murderers.
Absolutely not.
You mad? Don't get out of this car!
There's so much shit in your car.
You've done this before, have you?
DOOR CLOSES
Let's just walk until we've got
signal. No, it's fine, come on.
Hello!
Hello, can anyone help us, please?
THEY GIGGLE
My God!
I'm going to knock on a window.
Come on.
I think it'll be great.
CAR APPROACHES
What's wrong?
Yeah, this is...
This is mad. Let's just walk.
Come on. Let's go.
# If you ask me one more question
I'm about to crash
# If you ask me one more question
# If you ask me one more question
I'm about to crash
# Look around, there's no
competition
# Where the heavy drinkers at?
# Kind of like a presence
If you ask me one more question
# It's kind of like an attitude
# It's kind of like a rhythm
If you ask me one more question
# Can I learn the way you move?
# It's kind of like a prison
If you ask me one more question
# Where there's not much to see
# I kind of like the distance
If you ask me one more question
# To keep you away from me
# Deep inside my own illusions,
never going back
# Deep inside my own confusion... #
language
I dared you to go in. That means
you have to go in.
No. Oh... Why have I got to do it?
Lyd, tell him.
Trav, you've got to stop being such
a pussy.
Like, your face is actually
morphing into a labia majora.
Trav, they've got free crisps
and biscuits in there.
Yeah. Come on. I swear. Do it.
BOTH CHANT: Do it, do it, do it, do
it...
Oh, my God, you're such little
sods.
THEY GIGGLE
FROM ROOM: Yes?
Hi, miss. Um, I was just wondering,
are we all right to come in?
Who's "we"?
Oh, but of course, it's Tweedledee,
Tweedledum and Tweedle Plum.
Who's Plum? You. You are. Shut up!
Right, come in, sit down, shut up.
WHISPERS: Hey, get the crisps. Get
the crisps.
Oh, bloody hell!
As I was saying before we were
rudely interrupted...
Oh, relax, Pete.
Yeah, take the pole out your bum.
How is that shutting up?
..there should be a means based
system in place
before people are
allowed to breed.
If you're on x amount of salary,
you can have two children.
If you're on this match,
you can have three.
CAM SCOFFS
Something funny?
No, it's not funny. It's eugenics,
mate.
Speaker, I've actually got
time left on the clock.
Sorry, go on.
My point is as long as we allow
people to spawn children
they can't afford and let the state
prop them up, the rest of society
is held back.
THEY GIGGLE
Sorry, I'm not trying to hold
you back.
Yeah, OK, Cam.
60 seconds for the opposer, OK?
Um...
..the proposer suggests
a salary-based child cap
to relieve financial
stresses on the state.
But how do we enforce that?
If a family breaks the cap,
do we lock up the parents?
Prison costs something like £40,000
per person per year,
so that's 80k
for mum and dad.
Currently, Family Allowance is £20
a week for your first child and £13
a week for every child thereafter.
I haven't got any abacus on me,
but that's, like, a lot cheaper.
Or should we start sterilising women
as soon as they've hit their cap?
In a nutshell, the motion proposed
is impossible to enforce, immoral
and puts the state in the position
of playing God.
And women have had enough of white
men in suits policing their wombs.
Thanks. Proposer, any counter
points?
Yes. The suggestion that prison
and sterilisation are the only
courses of action is absolutely
MUFFLED FART
ludicrous and sensationalist.
STUDENTS GIGGLE
Oh, my God.
Pete, did you just fart?
Oh, grow up! OK, right!
Come on. You can smell it...
You've usually got a lot
to say for yourself.
Do you think there should be
a salary-based child cap?
If there was, I wouldn't exist.
Um, if you can't buy a kid
nice trainers,
don't have a kid, innit?
Very astute. Thanks for that.
BELL RINGS
Right, OK. Come on.
Out, I want my lunch.
That was boring. I'm taking these.
SINGING: I saw this girl driving
past, we never met each other.
We going out tonight, then?
No, I can't, sorry. No, I told you,
my mother's cut me off.
Well, just take money from her
purse.
She said she'd shave my head if she
caught me doing that.
Imagine!
Hi, Lozza. It'd suit you, babe.
No, it wouldn't. I'd look like
a sucked baked bean.
Mate, Cam! That was wicked earlier.
Sorry?
Your argument to Peter,
you watching him sweating!
You smashed it. Yeah, well done.
Thanks.
We're going to go to the park if
you want to come? No, we're not.
I've got to go home. See you.
Bye. Bye.
What you rimming Cam for?
No, I'm not!
Your tongue is so deep
in her sphincter.
Bethan! Yeah.
Your mum still hasn't signed
the forms for the trip.
Then I'll do it tonight. Miss, are
we allowed to drink at the open day?
I need it tomorrow or
you can't come.
I know. Sorry. She's been working.
You're head girl.
You should be there.
Chill, woman! I'll do it, man.
You're obsessed with me.
Watch it!
THEY GIGGLE
Oh, my God, look at this big
dick energy, Beth. Woohoo!
DOOR OPENS
Woo-woo!
Thought you'd pulled, then,
didn't you? As if. All right?
Giz a hand.
What you up to? I've come to see
you. I need to you to sign the forms
for my uni trip.
Here. Come in and see Nana.
There you go. VIP entrance.
Outside our doors,
the weather might be grey,
but in here, we know we'll have a
lovely day.
Excited you stand
to buy your bingo books,
greeting each other with "Hiya"s
and cheeky looks.
We all cross our fingers
and pray to the Lord,
"Let it be my name that adorns
the winner's board."
Right, that's the end of that.
APPLAUSE
Hooray! Right...
I tell you what, you've got a
gift...
You should read each other's poems.
Yeah, maybe, yeah. You haven't
given me my kiss.
Oi-oi!
Gwen Evans won on the link.
And she gave you some?
Christ, she must like you.
Gwen Evans is a tight old boot.
Dinner's on me, girls.
Now you're talking!
Perry, look after that for me, kid.
Watch my ribs, man, Marge.
Nan, careful!
Perry, this is my girl.
She going uni.
Oh, well done you.
WHISPERS: You've got to stop saying
that. I will never stop saying that.
THEY CHUCKLE
Oh, my God, we've got to get one
of these, girls.
Well, that's me,
happy as a dog with two dicks.
Yeah.
I'm a Burger Babe. They're fabulous.
Yeah. Look at us all matching.
Could be in a band, couldn't we?
We are the Burger Babes.
BOTH CHANT: We are the Burger Babes.
We are the Burger Babes.
We are the Burger Babes...
No! The pair of you!
You're not even funny, man.
I think we're side-splitting.
Hey, Trin. Mm? Did you hear? It all
kicked off today
between Roger Hughes
and Doreen Pinkett?
You know Doreen...? Wears a wig.
Roger found one of her spare wigs
in the staffroom. Course, he puts
it on, he's flouncing around, isn't
he? "Look at me, I'm Doreen!"
She only walks in and catches him.
She was tamping!
She had him by the throat.
She called him a bastard troll doll!
Troll doll?
Cos he's so short, he looks like
he'd fit on the end of a pencil.
THEY CHUCKLE
Fucking hell, we rolled.
Fucking troll doll!
Beth. Beth? Nan!
Careful, man, I nearly liked that,
then.
Here, you've hardly touched your
Monster Burger.
You can have it if you want.
Ooh, that's not like you to miss a
meal, love.
You can't say stuff like that.
Do you know how many teenage girls
have got eating disorders?
PHONE VIBRATES
Is that Dilly? Mm.
Hi, Dil! Yeah.
No, I'm just with your mum.
Oh, you must be starving, yeah.
Right, we're leaving now.
Are we? Sorry.
Get him a burger. You do know
he can make his own food, don't you?
He's been working all day, man!
Yeah, so's she.
All right, come on. CHANTS: We are
the Burger Babes.
No, stop it! We are the Burger
Babes. We are the Burger Babes!
We are the Burger Babes...
TV: ..previous arrests for
trafficking were in central Bristol.
We're back!
Sorry, love. Got you food.
What am I rushing home for if
you're not even here?
Sorry, it's just Mum's been on her
feet all day.
I wanted to get her a dinner.
I'll get the sauces. Work all right?
HE BELCHES LOUDLY
Disgusting, revolting, sick prick.
Get your shoes off the chair.
They're not touching the chair.
Get them off.
Get them down, Beth. Seriously?
They're like, one mile from the
chair.
Push me now and see what happens.
Beth, take 'em down, love.
Not so hard, was it?
Right, programme about monkeys
I want to watch now. Better be good.
Oh, good.
Problem? No.
Say it if you've got something
to say. I haven't.
Just leave it, Dil, she's in a mood.
Right, what channel's this on?
Hey. What?
You ignorant little sh...
Oh, piss off!
What did you just say?
You're a lazy fuck!
That's what you are, a lazy fu...
Dil, stop!
Just ignore her!
You going to let her speak to me
like that?
WHISPERS: Prick!
DISTANT ARGUING
SHE BREATHES HEAVILY, MUTTERS
SHE BREATHES DEEPLY
RADIO, QUIET: So what's the appeal
of holidays...?
New this week at BBC Radio Wales.
And great music on the way from
Celeste, Alicia Keys and Chic...
Your calls, your stories.
Mornings with Jason Mohammad...
RADIO CONTINUES IN BACKGROUND
You're up early. Mm.
What's this?
Oh, no, Mam, don't do that.
They'll go flat.
Oh! Oh. What?
They're already flat, babe. Oh, no!
Oh, what the hell?
Love... Oh! ..should have used
self-raising.
Yeah, well, I know that now,
don't I? I'm not stupid.
What are they meant to be? Muffins!
They look a bit grey.
Forms. Buy some muffins.
There you go, Bob's your uncle,
Fanny's your crotch. Ta.
Do you ever smile any more?
Oh, God, you're gorgeous.
Gimme them cheeks. Mmm!
No, stop it! Get off!
Right, I'm going. Love you.
I could eat you.
Fine. Love you. Bye. Bye.
Have a nice day.
DOOR SLAMS
LAUGHTER
You watching?
Lyds, you watching?
Oh, my... You're going to break a
rib.
HE GUFFAWS
Oh, I've got, um, blueberry
muffins.
TRAVIS: Oh, lush. Have you spat in
'em?
Does anyone want a blueberry muffin?
Oh, stunning. Yeah, please.
Oh, there she is.
Hi, Loz.
Give us a taste of your skanky muff,
Beth!
HE CACKLES
What we got, Lyds?
It looks like a clit, don't it?
Looks more like
your micro dick, Priest. As if.
I've got a fat, sweaty
frankfurter, babe.
Oh, why is it sweating?
Yeah, you want to get some Lynx
on that, babes.
Well, it's up yours, eh? It's
fucking wet from all the pussies.
Oh! OK.
Oh, gutting! Priest's dick smells
like Lozza Chapman's piss.
Oh! Oh, d'oh! Pity!
CAM: Get back to your breakdancing,
mate. Shut up, Cam. Fuck off.
Bunch of munters. Move, trollop!
Fuck's sake.
BELL RINGS
Hey, what are you chewing a wasp
for? I'm not.
Look, if you fancy Cam... I don't.
What? ..just ask her if she's a
lesbian.
Hey. Hey. All right, Lorraine?
Do I smell of BO?
What you asking that for?
Cos I heard Lydia say it, and now
everyone's saying
"Bo-Bo like Lo-Lo" to Priest, so...
I wouldn't worry. Just, like,
ignore them.
Do I, though?
I'm asking you because I know
you'll be honest with me.
Um, yeah, I-I don't know, like...
..maybe sometimes, like, after
PE or something.
I appreciate that.
Cam is a lesbian, by the way.
How'd you know that?
I asked her if she was a virgin.
What, out of the blue, just asked
her if she was a virgin?
Yeah. You can't do that, Lorraine.
What'd she say? She's not.
And she's got an ex called Chelsea,
so...
Chelsea is a girl's name, innit?
Yeah. Yeah.
So Atticus shoots the rabid dog,
but is it just a dog being shot
or does it symbolise something
more?
That's rude, man. A dog is for life.
STUDENTS GIGGLE
Just button it for once.
Ooh, touchy.
You on the blob, miss?
Because it has rabies,
It's a threat to the community.
So in shooting the dog...
What?
It symbolises that Atticus is
trying to protect the community
from danger, both rabies and racism.
Yes.
WHISPERS: Nice. Nailed it.
Bethan!
What? I'm just saying she nailed it.
Try saying nothing.
Nothing.
STUDENTS GIGGLE
The other element is that Atticus
gets to impress his kids.
Before, they thought their dad
was just an old fart.
But now they know he's the best
shot in the county.
Right, page 32, everyone, please.
WHISPERS: Cam.
WHISPERS: I'm trying to listen.
Ha, reject-a-mundo, babe! Shut up!
Bethan, I'm not
going to tell you again!
All right, relax, like.
Get out!
Sorry, I'm listening.
No, no. Pack up your stuff and get
out.
STUDENT GIGGLES
STUDENTS MUTTER
Head girl, everybody.
Shameful look!
LYDIA: Did you actually feel, like,
your bum hole constrict?
Or did it fall out
and it's in your pants right now
and you've just not done anything
about it?
It was so awkward!
Are you OK?
I've never seen Miss Morgan like
that.
Oh, whatever, Trav. Who gives
a fuck?
Dibsies on this. Er, no! Give it!
What? It's not all for you, you pig.
Give it.
Shall I nick her trolley?
Yes! Why?
Stop being boring. Yeah, do it.
OK, one sec.
Go on. Shh. There she is.
Oh, my God, she's done it!
Hey! I've got stuff in that!
Legend!
THEY LAUGH
We did it! Where you going?
BETHAN SCREAMS
I'm flying! Jack!
Guys, we're out. Oh, that's because
you've drunk it.
I didn't drink at all! You're a
pisshead. That's bullshit.
This happens all the time. You, you
downed half that. That's a lie.
That is the biggest lie ever! You,
you're always the first to finish.
You usually shove it down your
throat whole. Shut up!
You guzzled... Shut up. ..you
guzzled, like, three quarters.
Shu-u-u-t up. Shut up.
What time is it? Um...
..quarter past five.
Are you fucking kidding me?
No, it's ridic... No! I might just
go home. What?
Go on, then. You're so boring.
Er, Lyd, have you got any more
money? I'll try and get us served.
No, I've told you, my mother's cut
me off.
I want to go as well
and make her cook for me.
No! What, are you just going to
leave me? It's 5pm.
You pair of pussies! Like, what's
the point if we're out of booze?
Oh, we should have deodorant.
Sorry, what? Got some in my bag,
look.
Er, amazing. 72 hour protection!
Er, what?
Hang on, sorry.
How do you even do that? I don't...
Trav, do you live under a rock?
Stop it.
No, I just don't know how to huff
deodorant. Stop being so boring,
look.
Travis, this is how you do it,
right? What are you doing in a
trolley?
Hey? What?
Nothing, I'm just sitting.
She behaving herself?
Y-Yeah.
Just going to drop
these home for you and Dad.
What to share them?
Oh, thank you. Thank you. Right.
Don't be home late, you. Right.
Hang on, I'm just going to go
and ask her for money.
Be back now. Oh, foot up.
What the fuck?
Her mother works at the bingo?
What you walking around dressed like
that for?
Want me to get changed, do you? I
only get half an hour for me break
and I've got to sort your dad's tea
out.
Fine, but don't talk to my friends,
then.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Too good for me now, are you?
Well, you won't be asking me for
more money then, will you,
if you're too good for my money
from the bingo?
Don't be a dick.
What did you just say?
Are you deaf?
Don't be a dick.
Get in the car. No.
I said, get in the car. you're not
speaking to me like that.
You're grounded. What, you suddenly
want to act like a mother, now,
is it? Jog on, Trin. Get in the car.
I hate you!
Sorry, Mam, I...
Don't be late.
Come on, I was only joking. Mam!
No, you weren't.
ENGINE STARTS
Whatever, then.
SHE SNIFFS
Piece of shit!
Fuck's sake, Beth!
SHE SNIFFS
WHISPERS: Twat!
You OK? Oh, my God, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no!
Why have you got your hand
in a drain?
I dropped my bracelet.
CAM CHUCKLES
Want a hand?
Please.
CAM GROWLS
It's like Jenga.
Do you mean Operation?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, wait, I think I got it.
Oooh! Yeah!
Oh, mate! Hanging! What is that?
Definitely thought that was going to
be gold or something.
Thank you. Family heirloom.
Sorry about earlier.
You got done. Yeah.
So do you, um...
Do you have any hobbies? Or...
THEY GIGGLE
Oh, no, don't worry. That's stupid.
No, it's not stupid!
Oh, no, sorry, I just feel a bit,
just...
Just had a bit to drink earlier,
that's all. I can tell.
Are you...? What are you doing now?
I'm just going to drive home.
You can drive? Yeah.
I passed with two minors.
Fair play.
Well, um... I could show you around,
just to know the area and stuff,
but you don't have to if you don't
want to, just...
Yeah. All right.
OK, cool. Let's do it.
Yeah, let's go.
Right, see this roundabout?
Lydia did her first titty wank on
here.
THEY LAUGH
Traditional Welsh cuisine, is it?
Yeah, I've got the same.
This is where you come to pick
up prostitutes.
Is this all just roundabouts?
Someone bit my nipple there.
I can shove it down in one.
You go first.
INDISTINCT
ENGINE STOPS
CAM CHUCKLES
What?
Nothing, it's just funny that we're
sat in a car park for doggers.
See that two flashes? Mm.
Yeah? That means,
"You wank, I watch."
No, it doesn't. It does, honestly.
Don't turn the music down, though.
You'll hear balls slapping.
CAM BANGS DOOR
Ugh!
Are these balls made of concrete?
Shouldn't this be in a museum?
Er, yeah,
alongside your family heirloom.
What is that?
It's a iPod Shuffle, mate.
All right.
That's actually full of bangers,
I'll have you know.
Every song on there has a piece in
my heart. Mm.
So how come you moved here?
Er, we've moved a few times,
actually.
Me mum's the manager of a gym.
She mega-fit?
Yeah, she runs marathons.
Is she a MILF?
Objectively speaking, yeah.
Would I fancy her?
Don't know. Don't know what your
type is.
So, um, will you go back
to Manchester for uni?
No, I'm not going to do uni.
What? It'll be like Big Brain
Central.
CAM LAUGHS
Cool. Very cool.
Erm, no, I thought about it,
but, like, my mum always said,
"I'm going to teach you how to
think, not tell you what to think."
And with uni, it's just, like, we
all pay thousands of pounds to go
and have our brains coded in the
exact same way.
Like, just have us all regurgitating
the exact same lessons
on the exact same subjects.
Turning us into sheep, basically.
And they charge you for it.
It's a scam.
Well, your mum did a good job,
because I like the way you think.
Well, I am Big Brain Central,
after all.
What are you going to do?
Don't know, not sure.
So...what will you do
if you don't go to uni?
I'm going to go to Marseilles.
Really? Yeah, my dad's from there.
Is he?
Can you speak French? Um...
..I can actually, yeah.
Say something.
THEY GIGGLE
Erm, je suis dans une voiture
avec une mof qui est
insupportable mais...
..je l'aime bien comme meme.
Oh, my God, that's so fucking
cool.
What did you say?
It's a secret.
Say something in Welsh.
OK.
SHE CLEARS HER THROAT
Ready?
Ydy DVD fi yn dy dy di?
BETH SNORTS
What? What does that mean?
"Is my DVD in your house?"
Oh, wow. Well, thank you for saying
that. It really means a lot.
Pleasure.
Is my DVD in your house, though?
No, absolutely not, mate.
THEY SIGH
You still wasted?
No.
No.
Um, I should probably go.
My mum's going to kill me.
Aren't you going to kiss me?
What?
I thought that's why you pretended
to want to show me around.
Rate yourself. Fucking hell.
OK.
Cool.
Cool.
CAM GIGGLES
I should probably take you home,
shouldn't I?
Don't want your mum to kill you.
Yeah.
ENGINE SPLUTTERS
Fuck! What?
Ah!
We've had the music on. The
battery's flat.
Oh, no! OK, shit, um...
OK. What do we do?
We need jump leads.
Well, let's just ask the doggers.
Hm, what? Yeah, it's fine.
No way! That's too mental!
What? They're just having a wank.
They're not murderers.
Absolutely not.
You mad? Don't get out of this car!
There's so much shit in your car.
You've done this before, have you?
DOOR CLOSES
Let's just walk until we've got
signal. No, it's fine, come on.
Hello!
Hello, can anyone help us, please?
THEY GIGGLE
My God!
I'm going to knock on a window.
Come on.
I think it'll be great.
CAR APPROACHES
What's wrong?
Yeah, this is...
This is mad. Let's just walk.
Come on. Let's go.
# If you ask me one more question
I'm about to crash
# If you ask me one more question
# If you ask me one more question
I'm about to crash
# Look around, there's no
competition
# Where the heavy drinkers at?
# Kind of like a presence
If you ask me one more question
# It's kind of like an attitude
# It's kind of like a rhythm
If you ask me one more question
# Can I learn the way you move?
# It's kind of like a prison
If you ask me one more question
# Where there's not much to see
# I kind of like the distance
If you ask me one more question
# To keep you away from me
# Deep inside my own illusions,
never going back
# Deep inside my own confusion... #