Impractical Jokers (2011–…): Season 8, Episode 23 - Hollywood - full transcript

The guys fly to Los Angeles to try their hand at directing; then meet up with Jay and Silent Bob to pants the town red; finally, the guys throw a huge party, and tonight's loser learns the hard way that he's in the band.

Hey!

We are in Hollywood, bitches!

Why is the sign blurry?

Because you gotta pay to show it and
we don't want to spend the money.

What, you do?!

Yeah, you gotta pay to show the
Hollywood sign. We're not gonna do it.

Well this is a huge episode. Show the sign,
pay the bill, guys!

We did pay. We paid. We have it
for 6 seconds.

[overlapping arguments and incredulity]

Listen, I don't want... we got
a whole to do. Alright, fine!

Fine! FINE!



Hello, we are in Hollywood for
our 200th episode!

[screeching bird of prey]

Coming up on a special hour-long
episode of Impractical Jokers:

Lock her up!

What's got Sal playing the Pied Piper?

[flute music]

Why is Q playing "chicken"
with Jay and Silent Bob?

Oh my god, these guys!
Go go go!

And which losing Joker will be stuck in
a hairy situation in tonight's punishment?

Prepare for something amazing!

Hey, mustache, what's up?

Like a boss!

I will never forgive you!

Larry!



And... action!

Well, it only took us 199 episodes...

but we made it in Hollywood.

That's right. Today we're on the Santa
Monica pier, and guys...

we are making a movie!

Yeah. We'll be playing directors. And
while our crew is "in" on it

we'll be recruiting "passerbys" who
have no idea what's really going on.

The catch is the scene we're directing
has been written by the other guys

and will get progressively more bizarre.

The goal is to get this extra to play out
the scene no matter how bizarre it gets.

If you can't get that person to
act out that crazy scene

that's a wrap! Cut! You lose.

[Murr] Alright. Director Vulcano is on set.

Yeah, can you... come around here, guys.

[Joe] So, we're using our crew as extras.

[Murr] This lovely woman has no idea she's
on Impractical Jokers right now.

She thinks she's an extra, cast in a movie.

[Joe] Alright, Sal. So there's your scene, buddy.
-Okay.

So, basically, we're shooting today,
basically it's like a

coming of age, rom com thriller
with a horror twist.

He's selling it! He's selling it!

In this scene, right now, you
are pontificiating

uh... if you should be leaving or not.

You guys, you know, just a family nearby.

I gotta tell you, Sal's doing a
convincing job directing.

He doesn't know the twist
that's going to hit him.

Three! Two! And [whispering] action!

[light jazz soundtrack]

[Sal] Terrific. Cut.

I like it a lot. I liked it a lot.

Okay, now you have an idea. Now you want to go to
your confessional cam. Tell them to hang on.

I might make the scene a little beefier.
Just give me one second.

[Joe] Yeah, get a little beefier, Sal.
Here we go.

[Q] This is the new scene.

Your extra's going to run up to
him say "STOP!

before you get on that plane,
listen to this!"

And then she's going to pull out
a flute and start playing.

####

[Murr] Now, can Sall talk the stranger
into acting in this scene?

We'll find out.

Are any of you willing to do a line?
You willing to do a line if I gave you a line?

Okay.

Okay! Okay!

What I just need you to say is
"Wait, Joe.

Before you get on that plane,
please listen to this."

And by... by chance...

By chance, are you musically inclined whatsoever?
-No.

Okay, so. No worries, no worries, no worries.

I have a flute for you to play.

We'll add the flute in "post"

and I need you pull the flute out

and I need you to just start
playing the flute

until I tell you "stop playing".

Okay.
-Okay.

Also, Joe? -Yeah?
We're going to go with "funnel cake fury".

So there should be a little
bit of a mess.

Alright, guys!
Let's say we try it!

Here we go!
-Alright! Let's see!

Three... two...
action!

[light jazz soundtrack]

[Sal] Enter Charlotte.

Wait, Joe, wait!

Before you go, I want you
to think about this.

[blows into flute, no music]

[flute soundtrack]

[Murr] Keep playing! Sal!
-Sal!

Keep playing!

You're not allowed to say "cut", Sal!

Charlotte! Get in there and play
that song, Charlotte!

[sound of blowing into flute]

[flute soundtrack added]

[Sal] The message is getting through, Joe!
You're being charmed.

Sal, not yet! Don't call cut!

Dance it out, Charlotte. Dance it out.

[blowing noises]

[Joe] Here we go, here you go,
Sal, bring it down!

[flute soundtrack ends]

I'm still getting on that plane.

Cut!

One take wonders!

You were wonderful!

[Joe] Nice job, Sal!

Hazel? Brian.

[Murr] Ah, here you go, Q. Here's the talent
we found on the boardwalk.

She just got cast in a movie. She has no
idea it's a TV show.

This is pretty easy, Hazel.

All we're doing is, we're walking by.

This is Mack, he's our orphan.

Hi.

You're just going to walk by
from there to there.

And then you're just going to ignore him.
-Uh huh.

Maybe even give him, like
a little, like a little

like that. And keep going.

Okay?
-Okay.

So all the scene is on paper is
this woman walks by this orphan.

And doesn't give him change.
-Doesn't give him change.

Well, that's how the scene starts.

Alright. And.... action!

Money for a little orphan?

[Joe and Q] Ohhh. Pretty good!

[Q] Cut, cut on that.

Cutting!

Great. You know what?
I got an idea.

That was great. I actually want
to build on that a little more.

Give me one second. I want
to write something.

[Murr] Alright, director.
[Joe] Alright, director. Here's what we want.

We want her to walk by and say

"You have nice, tiny fingers. Your
dead parents [laughing]

liked watches, I bet.

Come work for me in my watch factory."

Okay, boys.

Talk her into it, bud!

Uh, yeah. Let me ask you something.
You think you could handle a line?

Uh... what do you want me to say?

Okay. So.

Okay, so when he goes for change, I want
you to stop. And I want you to say:

"You have nice tiny fingers.

Your dead parents liked watches, I bet.

Want to work in my watch factory?"

That's a lot of words.

I know.

Want to give it a shot?
-I could try.

Quiet all around, c'mon. Quiet on the set!

Love you guys. Action!

Change for a little orphan?

You have nice, tiny fingers.

I bet your dead parents liked watches.

Want to work in a...
watch factory?

Sure!

[Hazel laughs]

That is a cut!

You nailed it!

It's pretty cool. My first feature film.

If you don't count Damned.

It's pretty cool. My second feature film.

They'll bring over your extras
and your script, and we'll get going.

[Murr] Wade, right? -Yes.
Alright, Wade. James.

[Joe] Alright, Murr. So your regular
scene's super easy.

You're going to have our actors. Pete and Chá.
We all know Pete and Chá.

[Q] Of course.
-Yeah, it's a little love scene between those two.

You're just a passerby. You're
on the dock here

Taking selfies of yourself. Get the ocean
behind you, the beach behind you.

Alright, let's do it!

Okay. Good. Good?
Ready!

And... action!

How about that kiss?
-That was a mistake.

Is it my wife?
-No. It's my wife.

Cut. Cut. Cut all around.

You know what? I feel inspired.
I feel inspired!

I might have an idea. Give me one second
let me work through it in my head, okay?

Okay, let me take a look at
the script, guys.

We... we're gonna switch up genre
a little bit.

You're gonna have the extra here

fighting a dragon that will be
added later in CGI.

Okay.

So, we're gonna twist
the scene a little bit, okay?

Let's see this explanation.

You don't know about the
whole story in the scene.

This is kinda like towards the ending,
but the dragon's come back.

He just, nonchalant:
"The dragon's come back."

It'll be all around you. I want
you to fight off the dragon. -Okay

In any way you can. I mean:
kick, swing, punch!

There is no amount of swinging and
kicking that is too big for this scene.

You understand. Okay, great, let's
do it. Okay, great.

Murr, talk to him through the thing.
Talk to him through the thing.

Oh, wait. Remember, take a selfie. Angle up...

You don't want to block your face.
Great, okay.

Okay, everybody settle. Everybody settle.

Here we go, let's do it!

And... action!

Now, about that kiss.
-That was a mistake.

Is it my wife?
-No.

It's my wife.

Dragons!

[dramatic fantasy fanfare music]

Rarraaghghg!

Why are you guys not running!?

It's a dragon!

[Q] You're fighting for your life, Wade!

We'll add the sword in, in "post".

Now tell Pete and Chá to kiss!

Kiss!

The dragon won't go away!

Unless you kiss!

[Joe] Cut, cut. [Murr] Cut!
[Joe] You know what?

You know what? This is great. I'm
very inspired.

Let's bring in the dragon.

Let...

[Joe] Great. This is great.
Super inspired. I'm very inspired.

Now let's bring in the dragon.

Let... [Joe] Murr, just say that.
Let's bring in the dragon!

[Q] He's got a tail!

Okay, ready. Roll up!
Now fight the dragon!

Do I actually fight him?
-Actually fight him. Defend yourself against him.

Ready! Roll up!

And big energy! Action!

I will not kiss you.

[Murr] And dragons! Yes!

Wade, get him! Get him!

That's it, that's it!

Cian's laughing! Cian's laughing!

Dragon! Dragon!

It's an "Imagination Dragon".
-It's an "Imagination Dragon!"

[Cian makes 'roar' noises]

Wade, scream at them "You have to
kiss for the dragon to go away!"

Hurry up and kiss!

My life needs it!

[Murr] Okay. Fly away, dragon, fly away!

That's it!

Cut, all around!

Unbelieveable!

You know what, guys? We're just
going to use the original take with no dragon.

Uh, Sal?
-Yep?

Do you remember the phone call I had with you
when I was living out here about 5 1/2 months

and I was at my wits' end and I was going to
move back home and you said "Don't do it,

give yourself at least 6 months?"
-Yes I do.

You remember that phone call?
-Yes, I do.

The day before that phone call

I was on this pier, crying. Defeated.
-Really?
Yeah.

On this pier.

Then you stayed. -Yep.
And then you

turned a corned and ended up
loving it out here.

Yeah. So that was it. It was that
phone call, Sal, so thank you.

That's a very dramatic choice.

Why wouldn't you just cry in your apartment?
You drove...

Yeah, drove here. Paid for parking.
[Q] You started your car and you drove.

You wasted gas, precious money that you
didn't have to drive to Santa Monica.

Yeah, yeah. But I felt it would
be more of a thing here.

I love that you went so far out
of your way to cry.

I lived an hour and 20 minutes
from here. With traffic!

Gonna have you guys
lined up here on...

uh, to go to the restroom.

Vee, hop on line right here.

[Sal] So we got 5 people on the
scene who are on our crew.

Vee is the only person that doesn't
know what's going on right now.

Yeah.

You guys. You're just waiting on line
for the Port-o-Potty.

Here, the problem is: they're
going to miss the concert. Okay?

Alright guys, let's do it. Let's lock it up!

Whoever's in there, start to "do a turd"

[laughing] Okay.

Okay...
If you're in...

Okay, hold on.

Hold on, okay. If you're in the... if you're in
the Port-o-Potty, you can start... turd.

Ready and...
action!

Ugh! The line's too long.
We're gonna miss the concert!

That's okay. We get to spend
more time together.

I feel like I've always known you.

And... cut! Great.

Joe, we've got a little rewrite for you.
Come on over to the camera.

You know, we've had an idea. What if
your new actor...

What if he comes out of the Port-o-Potty

does a karate chop

flips over the entire hot dog cart

and then walks off screen like a robot?

I'll need a pen. Thank you.

[Murr] Port-o-Potty. Karate chop.
Hot dog cart. Robot.

[Murr] I mean, it makes sense to the story.

Okay, good, we're going to do a rewrite.

Ali, you were great, but what I'm going
to need is something totally different here.

This is going to be a little different. I'm going
to actually ask Vee if you mind.

Mind helping me out with this?

Let's see if Vee takes the bait.

I'm going to need you to exit the Port-o-Potty
and karate chop everybody on line.

Terry, I'm going to have you take a
step back like...

"What's up with the choppin'?"
You come back and

then Vee I'm going to want you
to flip this.

We own this. It's fine.

And then after, I need you to walk
off like a robot over here.

[makes beeping noises] And then
"meep moop meep".

That's all I need. Is that good for you?
Good.

There's no way!

Okay, so Terry. You're selling hot dogs
here. They're coming in.

It's their date, okay? You're just here.
Pretend your business

You think maybe these guys are here.
Do you have a cell phone?

No, I don't have a cell phone.
-Okay, then, forget it.

Alright guys, here we go.
Lock her up!

LOCK HER UP!

LOCK IT UP!

Vee, that dude's for you.
Terry, "what's going on"

And Terry, after the whole thing
happens, he exits, give me a line.

Whatever feels natural.
Ready guys?

Action!

The line's too long. We're going to miss the concert!

That's okay. We get to spend more time together.

I feel like I've always known you.

You guys exit. And... Vee!

[action movie soundtrack]

[Joe] Flip the cart.

[Joe] Good. Really get... yeah!

[Joe] Flip it, go ahead!

Meep meep meep moop meep.

Who let my dogs out!?

And cut! That was fantastic!

Fantastic!

That's a wrap everybody, great work!
Great work.

And that's how you direct a
movie Hollywood.

[Q] Great job, Director Gatto.

All the guys made it in Hollywood.
So they're safe from the loser board.

We're here at the legendary Canter's
Deli in Los Angeles.

While working as waiters, we've got
to do and say what the other guys tell us.

And if you refuse to do or
say anything, you lose.

Look, look it's been 200 episodes.

If you don't get that we do this
by now, I don't even know

Well it might be their first episode.
Oh, hey this is what we do! Check it out!

[Joe] There it is, Murr. Canter's Deli!
[Q] Wow.

This is L.A., iconic, Jewish delicatessen.

Why do we always find ourselves, no matter what coast
we're on, to be in a place that serves delicious food?

You know why.

For the same reason my body
doesn't fit in this XL shirt.
-Yes! [laughs]

Guys, you done with this menu?
Do you uh...

want me to take it for you?

Ohhhh. What are you thinking?
Anything good?

[Joe] You might want to ask for
proof of funds.

That they're going to be able
to pay for their food.

The one thing is this. Uh...

With the cheesecake specifically...

Can I just see, if you don't mind?

Uh. Proof of funds.

It's $5.50, so if I can just see that you at
least have the $6.00, you'll be fine.

Yessssss.

[Joe] Oh, she has it!

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh oh oh.

You have $10? That's enough
with gratuity. So you're fine.

Hi guys, my name's James. How
are you today?

Alright, listen guys, I'm sorry if I'm
moving a little slow today.

I'm sorry, by the way, if I'm
moving a little slow today.

I had 12 back-to-back auditions yesterday.

I had 12 back-to-back auditions yesterday.

And my ass is killing me.

And... [stifles laugh]

And my ass is killing me.

[Q] Look at her, look at her
she loves it!

[Sal] Murr, give a little surprise
customer service to that guy in black.

Everything good? Everything's good?

[Joe] Alright, Murr. We gave you a check.
[Joe and Q] Don't look at it!

[Joe] We want you to drop that off
to a table that's done.

Just drop it and go.

And here's your check by the way.
Whenever you guys are ready.

Thank you so much.

What could it be? On that check, Murr?

Is your mind racing?

[Joe] Here we go! Here we go!

This is ready to go?

[Joe] The check is about 5 pages long.

Be uh... $3293.00.

This is not yours?

Excuse me?

Does it have the sausage on it?
-Yes yes yes.

That's mine.

[Joe] Okay, now go give it to him.

My apologies. This is his bill.

"Does it have the sausage on it"

Be uh... $3293.00.

[Sal] Joe, pick one table. And I
want you to hover.

Like, be a super-attentive, helicopter waiter.

That water's out. I'll get you some more water.

[Q] Yeah, super-attentive, Joey.

More pickles to go?

Yeah yeah, I'll get you a whole bunch.

Joe, just go back and give them
to them from your hand.

[Q] And then wrap them in their
old napkins.

You got it. Here, we got you a bunch.

Yeah, these.

[Q] Look at this guy.

Good. Thank you.

[Sal] She's shaking her head
like "What am I going to do with these?"

Oh, you're going to go by bus!
Oh, so I'll wrap this up, then.

I wrapped it up so it doesn't leak.

And this completes the five-step
pickle process. Yeah.

Take those for the home, too.

"The home"

[Q] Does she walk out with them?

[Murr] She's taking them. And the
tins. Watch this.

[Q] That is so funny. She's
leaving with them!

[Murr] Joe, you see that
"section closed" sign"

I want you to go plant it in
front of someone's table.

[loud clanking sound]

[Murr] Dan Cast, can you leave
because the section's closed?

Is this... the section's closed now?

Yeah. [unintelligible] ####

Oh, I didn't realize you guys were
here. I'm so sorry about that.

I've been trying to get rid of this guy.
He's here all day drinking waters.
Had one "thing" of fries.

Okay. So I would like the half-pastrami.
-Okay, great.

What comes with that?
-[Sal] Read the entire menu.

What is that, 200 items?

[Murr laughing] Yeah!

We could get you, on the side it says
right here: sandwiches served with fresh baked
rye bread with a pickle

Now I don't know if you saw over here

[Murr] He's starting on page 1.

There's 3 egg omelets or scrambles here

You could do the Spanish omelete, deli omelet,
avocado mushroom and swiss

And then spinach, mushroom, and jack,
But don't

sleep on the pancakes, waffles, and
French toast.

Get every section of that menu.

Now are you doing the breakfast?
-No, I'm doing the classic sandwich.

Okay, well don't sleep on this right here.

Corned beef and cabbage which we're known for here

baked eggplant parmesan which is okay

if I'm going to be honest the spaghetti
who does that here

salads you got the Caesar salad

there's Greek salad spinach salad garden
salad wedge salad and a chop if you want (don't do it)

We got some good burgers too.
Cheeseburger, black bean burger

barbeque burger Canter burger California burger
pastrami burger patty melt turkey melt veggie burger

Joe, take a break and drink her water.

Matt's special, beef and turkey, Philly
cheesesteak Monte Cristo

Whatever you want. Just let me know.

Cheers. Cheers, guys.

[Joe] Oh, Sal. Welcome to Canter's.

Let me just say something. Dan Cast
is killing it today.

Everything's better with Dan Cast.
-Oh, man.

Dan Cast is what we think Rob Emmer is.

[Joe laughing] That's a good point!

That's a valid point.
-No, I disagree with you.

Rob Emmer is exactly what I think Rob Emmer is.

Rob Emmer... yeah. Rob Emmer delivers
on a different level.

I'm talking about performance. When he's in
the field he crashes and burns like the #### Hindenburg.

Mr. Vulcano.

Here are the "wife of your photos"

Oh, man, that hurt!

[Q] What are you doing?

You hit the button to get out.

I did not know that.

He doesn't even say "Oh yeah"

[Joe] Here we go, Sal.
-Hey guys, how are you?

You've been taken care of already, right?
-Yeah.

Sal, see if this group wants
"fish skins" for the table.

Um, can I drop some fish skins
off for the table at all?

We're the only Jewish deli in
town with fish skins.

Alright.
-Sure.
-Thank you.

Alright, Sal. Go find fish skins.

[Murr] Sal. I have one more line
for that table.

"So who is this thirst trap"?

What is a "thirst trap"?
-I don't know.

And by the way, might I add:
who is this thirst trap?

Anyway, here you go.
Uh, it's the, uh...

fish skins? Thank you, guys.

Thank you. Wait?

I'm so confused.

[Murr] Sal, single out one of the ladies.

You ready to win, guys?
-Ooh.

Hey. [Murr] I have to tell you.
I do have to tell you.

[Murr] The staff and I have decided
that you are...

The staff and I have decided
that you are...

Unreasonable.

[Murr] Sal, single out one of the ladies.

You ready to win, guys?
-Ooh.

[Murr] I have to tell you.
I do have to tell you.

[Murr] The staff and I have decided
that you are...

The staff and I have decided
that you are...

[Murr] Unreasonable.

Terrific.

And he loses.

No, she's terrific. They
think you're unreasonable.

Oh! He reversed it!
He reversed it!

Terrific. Unreasonable. Thirst trap.

Enjoy the fish skins. I've been Sal Vulcano.

Sal is coming out strong.

You guys order already? Eveything good?
-Yeah.

Alright, Sal. Give the table a
healthy serving of "F bombs"

Did anybody try the #### roast beef?

It'll blow your #### balls off.

I like to lean in and say it low because I
don't like other people to hear.

but I can tell you guys will level with me.

Excuse me.

How many times have we talked about this?

[Joe] It's Sal's real headshot!

How many times have we talked about you
putting your headshots in the menu for people?

[Murr] Look at that picture of Sal!

Did you guys get one of
these in your menu?

He's been doing this to everybody that
he thinks is a Hollywood producer.

If it doesn't stop, you're #### fired.

Alright you guys. Sorry about that.
I'm #### embarrased.

I'm just going to leave it here.

In case you know anybody.
Thanks, guys.

[Murr] The face of desperation right there.

You on break, bud? What are you doing?

[Murr] Are you on your cell phone?

Rob... Rob Emmer?
Are you "facetiming" Rob Emmer?

Hey, Rob!
Hey, Q, how you doing?

We're out here in L.A. shooting
the 200th episode.

Uh huh.

Uh, well, here's the thing.

Sal doesn't think you're very good on the show.

#### you!

What!?

He... he feels that every time
you come on to set

you... you take what we give you
and then you mess it up completely

In fact, he said that Dan Cast is a better
version of you than you.

Ohhhh!

I just wanted to let you know
that here on our 200th episode

I guess you ARE on, in way

It's just that I have to fire you
from Impractical Jokers.

[sobbing] So this is the end? It's
all I have, man!

[Joe] Ohhhh, god.

Alright, I have to side with
Sal here, buddy.

I mean, you clearly told him to cry, right?

How am I just supposed to
walk away from this?

[Sal and Joe] Ohhhh my god!

[Sal] Dan Cast? You just got a raise.

He made one motion that was funnier than
Rob Emmer's whole phone call!

[Murr] Alright, Q, here we go.

[Joe] Just uh, let this couple know
the specials today that are available at Canter's.

Hey, guys. Did anybody come over and
tell you guys the specials yet?

Okay, let me just hit you with those real quick.

Here we go. Today's specials are
the Hemworth

Brothers triple baked bean bags.

If you guys are corn fans...

we have Meryl Streep's one bite corn-on-the-cob.

[Sal] You can tell he's confused by how many blinks.

[Joe] His mind is like, clicking.

We have, uh, saber-blasted porgs

with extra schmaltz.

Did you see "Last Jedi"?

I do.

It's only in Los Angeles, guys, that
this kinda "bump into" happens.

Q, get his autograph. Get his autograph.

Can I get your autograph?

-Thank you.

That's okay. Your drums were in there.

[Murr] I wonder if you could buy
the rights to his life story.

It's Hollywood, baby! It's where
stories are made.

Has anybody approached you about
buying the rights to your story?

Your life story.

How much... if I was going to develop
a screenplay... what does that run me?

You'd have to research it.

You don't mind being played by
Wesley Snipes, do you?

Just... you know how things are today. I'm just
trying to jazz this up to make it a more sellable project.

Do you care if you're played
by like, Wesley Snipes?

Thanks, bro. Thanks, guys.
Oh the waiter will... I'm the waiter.

Be right back.

It's coming up aces for the Jokers in Hollywood!

The loser board is still empty.

Jay and Silent Bob are in the "hizz-ouse"

in Venice Beach with the Impractical Jokers.

They have to get someone to untangle these
headphones, and if they don't

Biggity-bam! They get pantsed by us!

If they get pantsed by Jay and Silent Bob

they lose.

You have anything to add?

Happy 200th episode, boys.
Give it up for the boys!

[Joe] We're back to playing pants party.
[Q] This is it, baby.

So they gotta separate the headphones
before you get pantsed.

There's no way. There's no way.

I never thought I would live to see the day
I would see Murr vs Jay and Silent Bob.

That is what we're seeing.

[Q] Alright, Murr. Good luck, bud.

Oh god, I can't get this...

Are you guys good with this?

I can't get this damned thing untangled.
I've been trying for 10 minutes.

Do you mind if I give you a shot to try?
Are you good with separating these things? You good?

Your sure? You can untangle these?

Wait for the hand-off.

Okay, ready... and... give it a shot.

Go! Go! Go! Go!

Release the Jay and Silent Bob!

Pants Murr for sure.

Pantsing Murr.

Okay, you're getting close.
Oh, man.

Here we go. See, the time is
really the issue here.

[guitar noises] Ha ha!

Almost, almost, almost! She's almost got it!
She's almost got it!

She's almost got it! She's almost got it!

Don't get it, don't get it, no no no no
no no no no!

You get the right leg, I get the left.

C'mon you're so close!

[Sal] What does it say?

[Q] "It ain't gonna spank itself"!

[Sal] Murray wears booty shorts?

No, I made him put those on.
I wanted to surprise you.

[Joe] You can pull your pants up now.
What are you doing? Pull your pants up!

Y... yeah, no kidding. What am I doing!

[Q] Alright, Joe's in.

This is... unsolveable, this problem.

You see this right? Look at this.

Come here, look.

[Murr] Alright, Joe's got somebody.

Look at this. Isn't this crazy?
-Yeah.

You see... look, 3 together. That's imposs...
seems impossible to undo, right?

-Yeah. -I have faith in you. You think
you could help me with this?
-I could try.

You could try? Good. She
has it. Alright.

Cue Jay and Silent Bob!

🎵[guitar riff]🎵

Here comes Jay and Silent Bob!

Here we go!
-Oh boy!

Oh great, oh there's one!
That was kinda easy.

Yo Joe!

Uh oh. Here we go.

[Murr] Oh, they're running! They're running!

Just concentrate. Focus.

Nothing. Focus... focus. Focus.

Gimme one, just one second, guys.

What is this!?
What is this betrayal!?

Just one second.

Why are you doing this?
-Just concentrate!

Ah #### it.

🎵[triumphant guitar riff]🎵

[Murr] Alright, Sal.
[Q] Alright, here we go.

Sal vs Jay and Silent Bob.
-Yes.

Excuse me. Can you help me
untangle these two headphones?

They're impossible.

[Murr] Oh! Go! Go!

Alright, send them in. Send them in.
-Yeah, here we go.

🎵[dramatic orchestra sting]🎵

Oh! Guys, who did I fly in?

[Q] Look who's coming!

Excuse me. Can you help me
untangle these two headphones?

They're impossible.

[Murr] Oh! Go! Go!

Alright, send them in. Send them in.
-Yeah, here we go.

[Q] Oh! Guys, who did I fly in?

That's Rob Emmer!

[Q] Look who's coming!
[Q and Murr] It's Rob Emmer!

I flew him in last night!

Sal! I need my job!
Come on, Sal, please!

Please! Please give me my job back!

Please!

Please give me my job!

Please!

He's not even pulling my pants down.

Pull the pants down. Pull the pants down.

Fine! I pulled the pants down.

At the very least, I could have had
Jay and Silent Bob pull my pants down.

And I didn't even get that?

[Joe] Q's out there.

Alright. Oh, man.

Q, this is world's colliding for you, huh?
-This is it.

This is a big one for me.

You got a long history here, buddy.

The way I met Kevin and Jay, is that I was
such a huge fan of Jay and Silent Bob.

Started working for Kevin. And
now here we are

25 years later and we're getting to work
together on my TV show!

Yeah. On your terms!

Legends come here to work with us.
I'm so excited.

Yeah, well, we don't all
get to work with them.

You get your own legend.

Yeah, thanks a lot Rob Emmer.

Rob Emmer flies across the country
to pull my pants down.

Then doesn't pull them.

Okay, here we go.

Okay. Oh man!

Hey man, could you help me with something?
Can I borrow you one second?

Let me ask you something.

I'm having a hard time untangling these.

Are you any good at this? Do you
think you could untangle these for me?

I could try.
-Give it a shot. Go.

[overlapping yelling]
[Murr] Go!

Jay and Silent Bob. You're in.

Oh boy. Uh oh.

Oh man, it's Jay and Silent Bob.

"Q"... is for "quick"

[Sal] They're running! They're running!

Oh my god, these guys.
Go go go!

Don't run! Don't run!

Do it! Why are you running!

I got the undies, I got the undies!

This isn't good! Ahh! Ahh! Ahh!

We love you, bro!

[Joe] They got your ass out!

You gotta cover that because
we might get in "trubs"

[Joe] Cover your holes.

[Joe] This guy's still working on the headphones.

Alright. Let's go. Come on.

Biggidy-bam! All the guys are heading
to the loser board.

Alright, baby, we are on Hollywood Boulevard

and you can't believe it, we got
tickets to a big-time premiere tonight

but ohhh....

we can't go!
-Oh, man!

Well, we'll try to give the
tickets away to a stranger.

But the thing is, the bizarre movie
has been created by the other guys.

If you can't talk the stranger into
taking those ridiculous movie tickets, you lose.

Side note: I've never paid for candy
at a movie theater in my life.

Do you steal it?

No, I don't steal it. I go to the supermarket
beforehand and buy it at a reasonable price.

I stuff my pockets.

And uh, you know, I win.

That's a long intro.

[Joe] Here we go, buddy.

[Joe] There he is!
-[Q] Ahh.

On the famous Walk of Fame.
Our star, if you will.

Sal Vulcano.

If we're going to be honest with
each other, he's the star... of the shit show.

Of this show? No he's not.

The star of the shit show.

I'm the star. I'm the star of the show!
I'm the star!

I always considered myself the star.
-Yeah?

I will say that you probably are the one
that would consider yourself the star.

I mean, I can't go. So...

they're going to go to waste anyway.

Excuse me. Do you want tickets to a movie here
tonight? They just gave me free tickets. I can't go.

It's for tonight, yeah. It's for uh...

8:35 here. It's called Escalator 2.

No, it's a new movie.

"The sequel to the movie where
a group of strangers

gets stuck on an escalator
for 5 hours."

Well, a group of strangers, in the first one,
got stuck on an escalator

for 5 hours.

I'm just, I'm now just realizing
the absurdity... of the movie.

So, this is the sequel
to Escalator 1.

If you don't like scary movies,
it's not scary.

If you love scary movies...

it's a great horror movie.

How do you feel about escalators?
-How do you feel about escalators?

Yeah.
Or down.

"rot"... "L.A."

So, you're breaking down
the word "escalator".

Do it. Let me see.

2. -2
"Rot" -Rot.

So you're making "escalator"
an acronym, backward?

Okay, let's do it.

What's happening right now?

Yeah.

Sal. You forget that weed is legal
in Los Angeles, bud.

That's what's going on.

"2 rot"
-I see that here.

You got the weed socks. -Yeah.
-I love it.

Oh, really?
That's a thing?

Yeah.

Okay, let's do it.
-Alright.

So... "Escalator 2"...

backwards... means "2"...

"2 Run Over The Angel's Lost
After Crying Sadly on Earth."

[silence]

You want them tickets or not?
-Yes. I'd love to.

[Q] This sort of wacky shit is not
going on in the streets of Manhattan.

Alright, boys.
-[Murr] Alright, Q.

How we feeling?
-[Joe] Fantastic. [Murr] Feeling good, buddy.

You're on the Hollywood Walk
of Fame, man.

How would you describe the Hollywood Walk
of Fame, Murray? Only the elite...

Of course. You have to reach a certain level of...
prestige and power and looks and fame and grace.

[Joe] They don't just give it to anybody.
[Murr] Noooo.

Huh. What's this?

[Joe] "Brian Quinn" [laughs]

Look at that!

Wow!

Is that a sticker?

[Sal] It looks so real.
[Murr] It's not in line with the rest of the stars.

This is the V.I.P. row over here.

[Murr] Your sticker doesn't quite reach
all the way to the end of the concrete.

It's not a sticker, it's a star!

Heh. I don't know who half these guys
are, but I know who that is, you know?

Who's Brian Quinn?

He was on that show Impractical Jokers?
You ever hear about him?

Yeah, yeah. He was here. He was here tonight,
they're actually having a movie premiere tonight.

Oh.

He doesn't recognize Q?

Actually, they're having a movie premiere
tonight with this guy in it.

And they gave me two tickets. I gotta
leave town. You want the tickets?

It's called, uh...

"The King and Guy"

"Guy Fieri plays Queen Elizabeth II

in a cross-dressing drama

that will leave you questioning
whether monarchies

are the way to go".

You guys want tickets to this?
Brian Quinn's in it!

Whadya talkin about you dunno who that

Guy Fieri, the chef.

Plays Queen Elizabeth...
Yeah he's gonna be here with Brian Quinn.

Carol, you want to go, right?

I think you should take them.

[Joe] Oh, ho, he's going to take them?

Guy Fieri, the chef.

Plays Queen Elizabeth...
Yeah he's gonna be here with Brian Quinn.

Carol, you want to go, right?

Carol's in!

Come on, date night!
How many movie premieres you get to go see?

You get to meet Brian Quinn!

I think you should take them.

Well, you try it. See what happens.

Enjoy the movie, man.
Nice to see you.

Yeah! -Yay!

It's called "star power", guys.

[Joe] Star power.

[Q] Joey!

Okay. Alright, well if we can't
go, we can't go. Thanks.

Hey. I got two tickets I can't use.
Would you like these, bud?

There for a movie premiere here tonight.
You can see, it's...

I don't want anything for them. My plans
changed, I'm going back to New York.

Oh, you don't care?

Well, I appreciate the
honesty about that.

Yeah, no, that's fine if you don't care about it.
But it's just two tickets I didn't want them to go to waste.

But if you don't give a shit, you
don't give a shit, it's fine.

Enjoy your day, pal.

Breaking news: I don't care.

I love it. I love him!

How's it going?
[Q] Yeah, that's going to work.
-Fantastic.

Her eyes said a million things at once.

Before he even engaged!
-She was like "this happens to me every minute".

I mean, they're free movie
tickets. What am I going to do?

Alright. I'll call you later.
Hi!

Oh yeah. I can't make the premiere.
It's a premiere tonight.

Are you interested, for sure?

It's uh... it's a movie tonight that's uh...

playing at the theater. But I have
to go back to New York.

It's called "2 Brothers 1 Horse".

"2 brothers lost in the desert with a single horse.

1 brother wants to ride it. The
other wants to eat it.

What happens next will shock you."

2 brothers, 1 horse. They don't
know what to do with the horse.

Joe, Joe. Just keep saying "shocking".

What they'll do will shock you.

So I don't want you to miss out on it.
But it...

There's only two tickets. So they'll
have to tell you what happens.

It'll shock you.

So what... so what they'll do will shock you.
It's for free.

Take it. Take the whole
thing. Here you go.

I don't need anything.

Wow, Joe!

[Q laughing] You got lucky on this one.

[Joe] Murr's up.

Okay, I'll just give them to them.

Guys, you want these tickets?
They're free.

I don't want any money.
I can't go to the premiere tonight.

It's for a movie.

I don't want any money. I just don't
want them to go to waste.

They just gave me the tickets.

It's "Prostitute Woman".

"An unsuccessful businessman

needs a date for a social event

so he hires a prostitute

that he meets, only to fall in love."

The plot sounds familiar to me.

Starring "Julie Robert"

Yeah. I heard she has a heart of bronze.

Nice try buddy.

Guys. One more shot.
Please. Come on.

[Sal] Sure.
[Joe] Yep, get another envelope.

Alright. Here we go.
Dude!

You want these tickets? They're free.
I don't want them. I can't use em tonight.

I gotta fly back early.

Th... th... they just gave me these
movie tickets for a premiere.

It's for "Lions and Tigers and Chairs".

It's a "documentary about lion tamers.

But it's just dudes getting
shredded by big cats

for 59 minutes.

They had to keep it under and hour, or
it would 'be legally be' audience assault."

So, just take it. Do you want...

You won't benefit from it?

Neither will Murray, unfortunately.

[Joe] Oh, Murr. "O for two"
-Guys.

Guys. Best out of three? Please?

He's already "O for two". Sure.

Yeah, sure. "Best out of three"

You don't know how to do math? You
stupid moron, you already lost two.

Do you want these? They're free
tickets. I can't use them.

I got to fly home earlier
than I thought.

I don't want them to go to waste.
They just gave them to me.

It... the movie is, ummm...

"My #### Ate My Balls"

"My #### Ate My Balls"
It's a big premiere tonight.

It's about "137 of the worlds

greatest animators and puppeteers

spend 69 million dollars

over a span of 13 years

to create the sexual horror mystery

based on a true story

about Babe Ruth's weirdo cousin."

Just take it. I don't want
it to go to waste.

Yeah, you want it?

It's a big premiere tonight.
-You got me on the puppets. I'll do the puppets.

The puppets? The puppets. The puppets.
Take it and enjoy.

You got it, bud. Enjoy.

[Q] Yeah, hey, Murr. Good job buddy.

So, you realize what just happened?

Yes. [Q] We gave you "two out of three"
Yes.

Yeah, you lost two. You only
got one

so you still lost.

What did... why am I even
out here then?

[Sal] That's a classic case of
"your #### ate your balls" right there.

That's a wrap on Murr. He's tonight's big loser.

Yeah!!

It's the end of our 200th episode,
and the loser is not me!

It is Murr and...

What is this? What's going on?

for your punishment, we have
thrown a party that cannot be beat.

Yes. While in Los Angeles, we decided
to throw a concert.

We invited tons of Jokers fans

and we managed to book legendary
metal bad boys: Steel Panther, baby!

That's right. And, of course,
Murr, you're in the band.

Yessss.

You're... you're inside the band.

Yeah.
-You're inside the band.

Kinda "in" the band.

[Joe] Steel Panther is taking the stage.

[Q] Oh, I love these guys.

Alright! Give me some love! Yeah!

[Joe] There he is.

Geesh!

We made Murray in the band.
Meaning: inside the kick drum of the drum kit.

[Sal] No one here knows he's
inside that kick drum.

He's just going to endure every song.

I feel like an idiot. I'm the only
one that can fit in a drum.

This is what you get for
being the skinny one, buddy.

Are you ready for the greatest
band in the world!?

Steel Panther!

There's a lot of people out there.

We're going to rock your balls!

🎵[80s hair metal]🎵

Are you ready for the greatest
band in the world!?

Steel Panther!

[Joe] There he is.

Come on!

🎵 Met a girl on Tinder, about a year ago

[drumming noises]

Oh my god, it's so loud!

[Joe] How's that, buddy?
-It's awful!

I feel like... my... my my
fillings are vibrating.

🎵 ...three days later, guess who shows up...

I'm also about 1 foot
from this guy's balls.

Now I wonder, because the audience is filled
with Impractical Jokers fans

have any of them guessed

what's going on?
-No, no, no way.

None of them know that
Murray is in that drum.

All will be revealed.

He... this... #### keeps... ow!

We've told him to kick the
drum as much as he wants.

Yeah, no ####.

🎵 But I can almost guarantee
I'm gonna wind up with that girl

[Joe] The crowd seems pretty into it.

What do you say we get them a little
more into it? -Yeah, yeah, let's do it.

You gonna do it?

Here goes nothing.

Alright!

[crowd screaming]
[guitar solo]

What's up!!

What's up, everybody!!

Happy... happy 200th episode.

I know that you guys felt like you
were alone, like we weren't here.

But we were here the whole time.

Oh, come on!

Are you kidding me?
Are you kidding me?

I feel like an idiot!

Come on! [drum beat]
####!

I hope you can last, bro.

'Cause we're gonna rock
your balls literally off.

Make some noise
for this guy!

This is so stupid!

I'm a grown man!
Like, we're adults.

I'm an adult.

🎵 Have sex! Yeah!

I have a mortgage!

🎵 The end is near! Yeah!

Loud!

🎵 Let's get drunk!

I'm so happy you didn't lose.
I'm so happy he didn't lose.

Me, too.

🎵 cougar porn, baby
Let's all party

Get ready, here comes the confetti.

Are you kidding?
It was in my mouth!

Don't worry. It's only confetti
that's going to come through that pipe.

Come on!

Are you kidding me!

🎵 insane, yeah!

🎵 Time is runnin' out you see

Come on!

It turned into Nickelodeon.

Look at the drum. You can't even see him!

Whoa, whoa! Whoa!
What the hell!

Congratulations on 200 episodes
of Impractical Jokers.

Guys!

Alright, let's go say "hi"
to everybody.

Are you kidding me?

You guys ready for "the guys"?

Joey wants to tell you something!

Drum soloooooooooo!!

Come on!

Come on!

Alright, we get it. We get it!

How long is this solo!?

Guys! You guys have been showing
up for years now

and we want to say "thank you"
so so much for coming out

tonight and every night on Thursday
turning your TV on for us!

[Q] Ladies and gentlemen, James Murray!

[unintelligible]

Show's closing in on nine
years on the air.

We never thought we'd do this.

And, uh, this is a special
moment for us.

So, thank you, guys.
We'll always have tonight

that we shared together. This is really
special for us. Thank you so much.

Alright.

Love you guys!

I am ready to direct.

Alright, here we go!

Speeding!

Okay. Did you check the gate?

[Murr] You haven't shot it yet!

Alright, Spielberg. Well, what do
you want me to tell you?

I can't do lunch today. I'm running
late. It's "magic hour".

This is the "martini shot", people!
[Q] Martini shot!

"Martini shot" means it's the
last shot of the day.

I'm going to count you in
from 3. Look at me!

That could be your last funnel cake.
We're losing daylight, people.

[helicopter noise]
Oh good, your helicopter's here, Sal.

I'm going to hold for the chopper!

Guys, the chopper is for in 10
minutes from now.

Have it loop back around!

Go around!

Can you get, can you lock that up, please?

Can we lock it up?

How is this the "martini shot" if
the chopper's for later?