Impractical Jokers (2011–…): Season 8, Episode 11 - Fraudway - full transcript
Joe, Sal, Q and Murr one-up each other while trying not to laugh, and team up for a lunch that's for the birds. Later, tonight's big loser hits the Broadway stage, where he's treated to a classic New York welcome by an agitated crowd.
Narrator: Coming up,
why is murr on the run?
What's got Joe stuck on repeat?
Sal: I find it hard to
get there all the time.
And which losing joker
will be a camera creep
in tonight's
Broadway-sized punishment?
Sal: Prepare for
something amazing.
Q: Hey, mustache, what's up?
Murr: Like a boss!
Sal: I will never forgive you!
Joe: Larry!
Murr: I couldn't help but notice
your chest hair.
Hello! Today we are at
chefscape in 180 maiden Lane,
and all four of us
will be competing
at the same exact time.
That's right.
We'll all be sitting
in the waiting room
and secretly trying
to make each other laugh.
Now, here's
the important part...
If you laugh, you get eliminated
and you got to leave that room.
The last man standing wins.
Sitting.
♪
♪
♪
♪
I read online
that you could eat it.
My favorite snack now.
♪
♪
♪
Vomit.
♪
That's great.
That's like the "where's
the beef" from the '80s.
I'm the beef.
Yeah.
Where'd you get that?
This? Jersey shore.
That's a great shirt.
I'm sorry, is there a bathroom
here that I can use?
It's like straight down.
Down that hallway?
Great, thanks.
Appreciate it.
That is cool.
That is so cool.
♪
Sorry.
Where did you get that thing?
What's that?
What is that thing?
It's great, right?
It's luggage.
Damn it. Damn it.
Yeah, it's called the modobag.
It's great.
Can't believe he did that.
Modobag?
M-o-d-o.
Yeah.
You for riding off on a bag.
Modobag.
Modobag.
Voice: Loading Batman
pornography.
Q: Modobag.
Loading Batman pornography.
Wait, no.
Modobag.
Loading Batman pornography.
I get to laugh!
I get to laugh back here!
Ha-ha!
Ha-ha!
Oh, man, that hurt.
He doesn't even say,
"oh, yeah."
What are you doing?
Turn around.
Someone tell him to turn around.
Turn around!
Let them see you!
Murray's out!
Murray's out!
You hit the button to get out.
I did not know that.
Who was that?
That was for who?
Who did that?
You laughed at your own joke?
He screwed up so...
Who are you, me?
Get off this thing!
He screwed up so bad.
I laughed.
It's down to the last two...
Q and Joey.
Someone's coming.
Has anyone seen Chuck Yeager,
the man who discovered
the speed of light?
I'm a big fan of Chuck Yeager
who broke the speed of sound.
This is Vanessa.
Vanessa works on our show,
works very hard.
Half the times, I just don't
understand what she's saying.
We don't understand
what she's saying.
What?
Has anyone seen Chuck Yeager,
the man who discovered
the speeds of light?
- Oh, my god.
- I'm sorry.
I don't understand
what you're saying.
Oh, my god. Oh, my god
- was that Carmen sandiego?
- Sandiego.
- Looked like Carmen sandiego.
- Did Carmen sandiego
just come in here?
- She's looking for Chuck Yeager.
I would have lost it
right there.
I would have lost it.
Oh, hey, mom.
Mom?
Oh, you're in the building?
Oh, dad's with you?
Oh, no. Joe's parents...
Oh, no.
Joe's parents are dead.
There's room up here.
I'll just come grab you.
Oh, my god.
He's going to...
You know what he's gonna do!
Q, you're done.
He's bringing him
mom and dad out.
Hey, mom.
Oh, dad's with you?
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Joe's parents are dead.
I'll just come grab you.
Oh, my god.
He's going to bring...
You know what he's gonna do!
Q, you're done.
He's bringing his mom
and dad out.
Oh, no!
He did not go there.
No!
Oh, my god!
Oh, my god!
Oh, my god!
Oh, my god.
His mom's white hair.
Oh, Joe, what did you do?
♪
Oh, I forgot I promised we'd go
on the roller coaster.
Yay!
Let's talk about q not breaking.
Right on the edge.
I would have never, ever,
ever made it past that.
Yeah.
So, you said you never did
a focus group before?
No?
You didn't do them?
Uh-oh.
Here goes q.
Q: It's good to stretch.
These things have your legs
falling asleep, bud?
What?
His beard!
His beard!
♪
Stretch it out, you know?
- Joe, you didn't laugh?
- Oh, my god.
I'll give you both a win there.
I'll give you both a win.
Let's go get something to eat.
Excuse us.
Sorry about that.
Pardon.
Sorry, mom.
Sorry.
Narrator:
Joe and q kept it cool,
so they're safe
from the loser board.
Today, we're teaming up
as customers
at hill country chicken.
While eating lunch,
we're gonna have to do
and say whatever
the other guys tell us to.
If you refuse anything,
your team loses.
And you're chickens.
- That was your tag?
- You didn't like it?
We got to do something
better than that.
- That was the tag?
- That's not...
We're out of time!
Here we go.
We got this guy behind you.
Is that chest hair?
Is that chest hair?
- Probably is.
- Yeah, no, it's impressive.
It's impressive.
I have some, but not enough.
I'm sorry to interrupt.
I couldn't help but notice
your chest hair.
Oh, you noticing that?
Impressive.
I had mine shaved.
I trimmed.
I'm embarrassed by it.
I'm sorry, murr,
why don't we tell the truth
if we're telling the truth.
I used to shave.
Now I get my chest lasered.
- Which is true.
- He's telling the truth.
Is that why it's so spotty?
'Cause it's spotty. It's like
growing in there, but not there.
- Yeah.
- Well, somebody's got to feel it
before we finish with this guy.
You see, mine
is much more coarse.
If mine grew in, it would be
much more coarse than this.
You know what I mean?
'Cause, like,
yours is really soft.
They're both feeling!
- That is soft.
- Get him to feel yours.
Get him to feel yours, q.
Feel how coarse that is.
- Yeah.
- Murr, blast me.
Feel how smooth this is, though.
Feel.
Yeah.
See? Give me more.
Send me to outer space.
- Yeah.
- Sweet, alright.
- Anyways.
- Yeah, go ahead, you can order.
You got chest hair?
How 'bout this fella? Tell him
to "watch your ass, bucko.
You're in hill country now."
All yours, bud.
I'll get your back, right?
I'll try to look menacing.
Hey, watch your ass, bucko.
You're in hill country now.
Take that candy city-ass
out of here.
- I don't know.
- What are you doing?
I'm trying to improvise.
Nobody told you to escalate
the situation.
I'm trying...
I got your back.
Why are you escalating?
Candy city-ass.
Would you stop?
What's the matter with you?
You are a city
candy-ass, Murray.
Yeah.
Sal: Guys, have, like,
a super huge argument
like you're in
a silent film right now.
Okay.
♪
He is trying to understand
what is going on.
Joe: Now just hug
and hold each other.
He's taking a picture of you.
He's taking a picture.
Photo happening.
Go back to arguing.
Go back.
Murr, slowly turn and notice
that you're getting filmed.
♪
Let's have you guys take a seat.
Hold hands.
Just go in for a slow kiss
over the table.
Come on.
Come on. Come on.
Meet me halfway.
Meet me.
No.
Come on.
No.
Then I'm coming through.
I don't want to do it.
Fine!
- You're done.
- I'd rather lose.
You want to get some pie?
Let's get some pie.
Q: Alright.
Look at these two.
Joe: I'm gonna get myself
a plain cheesecake to start.
A what?
I'm gonna get a cheesecake.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
This guy behind
you's getting cake?
You getting a pie?
- I'm getting a cherry pie, man.
- Alright, great.
Get this guy to check
your mouth for you.
- What?
- Make sure it's ready for cake.
You want to eat a cake
with the cavity and everything?
Yeah, I'm gonna get a...
Hi, I'm just gonna
get a cheesecake.
Yeah. Look.
I don't think you should.
- It looks like your mouth.
- No, it don't.
Let me see your mouth.
It's the same.
Look at mine.
- Look at this guy.
- No, dude.
I would not eat until you get
that checked out.
Sir, look at his mouth,
look at my mouth.
Yeah.
You need work.
"You need work" to sal.
- I need work?
- You need work.
- Look.
- You need an orthodontist.
- Look.
- You're perfect.
- See?
- Alright, Joe,
now check his mouth for him.
Let me see yours.
Yeah, it looks great.
That's a guy who knows mouths.
Guys, get all three of you
to open your mouths
at the same time.
Let me see yours.
Ahhhhh.
♪
- Joe, how's sal's hair looking?
- It's good hair today, buddy.
- Pretty good, right?
- Yeah.
Yeah, but maybe he needs
a different style.
Point out different styles
that he could go for.
I could see you rocking
something like this.
Sal: He needs
that cleaned up.
This is nice.
I like that on you.
- You like that?
- Yeah, but you can tell
it's been weeks since
he's had a haircut.
It's all grown out.
Oh, you don't cut it short.
Murr: Keep holding your hand up.
You don't cut it short?
See how many times he can
give you a high five.
Yeah.
I like it, it's
just that, for me,
I go, like, shorter here.
I can't get a haircut
every two weeks.
- He can.
- He knows what
I'm talking about.
I can't get a haircut...
We need five high fives, Joey.
That's the difference.
I find it hard to get there
all the time.
He knows what I'm talking about.
I know what you're
talking about.
You know what?
That was too easy.
Let's go 10.
Excuses are not solutions.
7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12.
It kind of grows here.
I feel like it's
growing out, like,
around the ears right here.
And when I feel like that...
20, 21, 22.
- I want to keep going.
- You want to keep going?
I want to keep going, but how
do you make an appointment?
Do you live near your barber?
- 29, 30.
- Define "near."
I don't live with him.
No, I have...
Murr: 38, 39, 40.
Well, he's the only guy
that does a good job,
so I would use him.
Well, you should
try other people.
47! Joe, go to 100.
50, 51, 52, 53.
Q: We have to do
a time lapse on this.
5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 60!
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,
7, 8, 9, 70!
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7,
8, 9, 80!
1, 2, 3, 4, 5,
6, 7, 8, 9, 90!
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,
7, 8, 9, 100!
- -Holy.
- -They did it.
Guys, some new people
sitting next to you there.
You want to make "chomp, chomp"
noises when they chew?
Q: Guys, some people sitting
next to you there,
you want to make "chomp chomp"
noises when they chew?
Yum!
Murr: Sal, here he goes.
Om.
Om, nom, nom.
Nom, nom, nom.
Slurrp.
Crunch, crunch, crunch,
crunch, crunch, crunch.
Sal's spilling water.
Hold it together, guys.
- Hey.
- Chomp, chomp!
Just stare at them
and make the sound effects
right to their face.
- Chomp.
- Chomp.
Nom, nom, nom.
- Is it good?
- Is it good or...?
Yeah, nom, nom.
Murr: This is one of
the stupidest things
we've ever done.
It's so funny.
Alright, now all you guys
got to do is kiss
and you guys are all done.
You think I'm afraid
to kiss him?
I'll kiss him right now.
You want to kiss?
I'll kiss you.
No, don't do that.
It's a kiss.
But they didn't do it,
then we win at the kiss.
I don't want to,
and I have a cold.
Can't we just do something else?
No, because they told us.
See you later, guys.
Enjoy your travels.
Thank you.
They're not even looking.
They're not looking.
They're not looking.
They'll look.
We're looking.
You got to want it as bad as me.
We're both gonna win.
Oh, my god.
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
Alright, we'll give it to you.
Well done, gentlemen.
Wow!
A well-deserved win.
Narrator: It was a kiss of death
for murr and q,
making murr tonight's big loser.
Well, murr is our big loser.
Murr, I got a question for you.
- Yes?
- What's the first concert
you've ever seen?
Yanni.
And who do you consider to be
one of your favorite musicians.
Yanni.
And who happens to be on
Broadway for one week only?
- Yanni!
- That's right.
This show is pure yanni,
as you see,
which means it's just him
and his piano
and his camera guy.
- Really?
- Oh, yes.
I'm filming yanni?
And not only are you
a camera guy,
you're the world's
worst camera man.
Ah.
- In a matter of seconds...
- Seconds.
Globally famous yanni
will be on the stage.
An icon.
Legit icon.
He's so successful, Broadway
is a step down for him.
He's played the acropolis,
he's played the Taj Mahal.
He's like, "let me
slum it on Broadway."
That's what he's doing,
he's slumming it.
Well, he's with us, that's why.
Oh, yeah, you're right.
Yeah, Murray's been a yanni
fan since high school.
High school.
Murray always wanted to share
the stage with yanni.
It's just a little different.
Oh, god.
Here we go.
Yanni: Welcome, everybody.
How are you feeling tonight?
Sal: Yanni has partnered
with us to torture murr
using his audience.
I don't do a lot of these shows,
but believe you me, I love them.
I love them.
This is important to me.
Look at him.
There he is.
Murr:
I'm on a Broadway stage.
What I'm gonna be doing tonight
is I'm gonna start with a song.
This one is called
"to take, to hold".
Joe: Here we go, murr.
Here we go.
Excuse our language,
but James is gonna
this whole song up.
And if you noticed, guys,
there's this big screen here
that everyone gets to see.
Now, we just want you
to block yanni.
Keep going left, buddy.
Keep going.
Good.
Little to your left.
Little to your left.
Keep going left.
Big step left.
This one is called
"to take, to hold."
Joe: Here we go, murr.
Here we go.
Now we just want you
to block yanni.
Keep going left, buddy.
Keep going, keep going more.
Okay, stop right there
for a second.
Go ahead.
A little to your left.
Little to your left.
Keep going left.
Big step left.
- What is he recording?
- Stop. Stop.
Plant your feet.
Now duck down,
duck down on your knees.
Go to knees.
There you go, murr,
there you go.
Q: There you go.
Look at him.
Look at his face.
Murr, get enamored
with the playing.
Totally forget you're filming.
♪
All right, murr,
work your way around.
I want you to play peekaboo.
Yeah, pop out.
1, 2, 3.
Murr, we want you to block
the side of your fat face.
Go ahead.
Go in slow.
Stop.
A little bit higher.
Sal: The whole crowd
is laughing at you.
Q: Okay, murr, lower the camera
and start shooting your face.
♪
Pick your teeth,
pick your teeth.
Okay, murr, go around
to the front there,
get on your knee.
Now start shooting the audience.
Just turn around.
Okay.
Find somebody, now zoom
in on somebody.
Go away.
Okay, now get on his piano.
Scratch your ass,
scratch your ass.
Go tight on his mustache, bro.
Right in on his mustache.
Right in on his mustache.
Higher, higher.
Murr, now lean on the piano.
Lean on the piano and slip
and hit the keys.
Oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
Apologize to him.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
♪
Keep doing squats.
Keep doing squats.
Jump one hops.
Hop around him.
♪
Oh, boy.
I don't know about you,
but I think this is
the worst camera worker
I've ever seen in my life.
What are you doing?
What are you doing here?
I'm so sorry,
Mr. Yanni.
I'm just a huge fan.
I'm pretty good at the piano.
I am just a huge fan.
I'm actually pretty good
at the piano.
You are?
I know, "one man's dream."
I know, "one man's dream",
your song.
Murray's been taking lessons,
but he doesn't know
how to play it.
You know "one man's dream"?
Well, I took lessons.
All right, show me.
Murray didn't know
he was gonna perform.
Son of a bitch.
I want to hear him play.
He's gonna make him play
in front of Broadway.
Go ahead.
Uh, uh...
Murr, I have never seen you
sweat like this before.
I like your camera work
a lot more.
Move over.
Yes.
- Nice work, stage director.
- I did well.
I appreciate the help.
Well, we're not gonna be
invited back to Broadway.
No.
Do you remember
when this place opened?
We used to work...
Impractical jokers"
headquarters was one block away.
The official headquarters,
our lair.
Joe would order everything,
every pie.
Remember that?
You might be wondering
why sal's wearing that.
I had Mexican for lunch.
I have a little bit of a cold,
but that ain't gonna stop me.
Thank you.
This is not the response
for a little bit of a cold.
Hey, murr, are we going
to the, um...
Oh, sorry. Sorry.
He talked to fake murr.
I'm sorry, I got confused
for a second.
Joe: Oh, my god, it look like
murr in a hoodie.
I'm laughing.
Hi. Can I get the hot
honeywich sandwich?
- To stay or to go?
- To stay.
Murr, take your glasses off,
take your glasses off.
Hey, listen, I don't know
how we're gonna handle
the sal situation.
- Vanilla milkshake?
- Vanilla milkshake, yeah.
Q. Q, I'm here.
But sal and Joe.
I'm here.
Oh, geez.
Good looking guy,
good looking guy.
That mask was too tight.
I'm sorry.
Now I have to get sick.
I'm sorry.
Okay.
It's too tight.
Big fat face.
What are you thinking
of ordering?
"Hey, let me see those glasses"
and put them on.
Going I think
with the chickwich.
A chickwich?
Mm-hmm.
I can't... do you mind if I see?
I can't see with these?
Let me see.
I might be able to see
better with yours.
You want to look
with my glasses?
Yeah, I want to see
your prescription.
Why?
To see if I can see better.
Let me see.
They're strong.
Much better.
What prescription do you have?
Well, mine is too light.
Well, what is it?
It's like, uh...
Q, you want to tell these nerds
to move it along?
Five?
Yes.
Hey, you two nerds
want to move it along
before I take your lunch money.
why is murr on the run?
What's got Joe stuck on repeat?
Sal: I find it hard to
get there all the time.
And which losing joker
will be a camera creep
in tonight's
Broadway-sized punishment?
Sal: Prepare for
something amazing.
Q: Hey, mustache, what's up?
Murr: Like a boss!
Sal: I will never forgive you!
Joe: Larry!
Murr: I couldn't help but notice
your chest hair.
Hello! Today we are at
chefscape in 180 maiden Lane,
and all four of us
will be competing
at the same exact time.
That's right.
We'll all be sitting
in the waiting room
and secretly trying
to make each other laugh.
Now, here's
the important part...
If you laugh, you get eliminated
and you got to leave that room.
The last man standing wins.
Sitting.
♪
♪
♪
♪
I read online
that you could eat it.
My favorite snack now.
♪
♪
♪
Vomit.
♪
That's great.
That's like the "where's
the beef" from the '80s.
I'm the beef.
Yeah.
Where'd you get that?
This? Jersey shore.
That's a great shirt.
I'm sorry, is there a bathroom
here that I can use?
It's like straight down.
Down that hallway?
Great, thanks.
Appreciate it.
That is cool.
That is so cool.
♪
Sorry.
Where did you get that thing?
What's that?
What is that thing?
It's great, right?
It's luggage.
Damn it. Damn it.
Yeah, it's called the modobag.
It's great.
Can't believe he did that.
Modobag?
M-o-d-o.
Yeah.
You for riding off on a bag.
Modobag.
Modobag.
Voice: Loading Batman
pornography.
Q: Modobag.
Loading Batman pornography.
Wait, no.
Modobag.
Loading Batman pornography.
I get to laugh!
I get to laugh back here!
Ha-ha!
Ha-ha!
Oh, man, that hurt.
He doesn't even say,
"oh, yeah."
What are you doing?
Turn around.
Someone tell him to turn around.
Turn around!
Let them see you!
Murray's out!
Murray's out!
You hit the button to get out.
I did not know that.
Who was that?
That was for who?
Who did that?
You laughed at your own joke?
He screwed up so...
Who are you, me?
Get off this thing!
He screwed up so bad.
I laughed.
It's down to the last two...
Q and Joey.
Someone's coming.
Has anyone seen Chuck Yeager,
the man who discovered
the speed of light?
I'm a big fan of Chuck Yeager
who broke the speed of sound.
This is Vanessa.
Vanessa works on our show,
works very hard.
Half the times, I just don't
understand what she's saying.
We don't understand
what she's saying.
What?
Has anyone seen Chuck Yeager,
the man who discovered
the speeds of light?
- Oh, my god.
- I'm sorry.
I don't understand
what you're saying.
Oh, my god. Oh, my god
- was that Carmen sandiego?
- Sandiego.
- Looked like Carmen sandiego.
- Did Carmen sandiego
just come in here?
- She's looking for Chuck Yeager.
I would have lost it
right there.
I would have lost it.
Oh, hey, mom.
Mom?
Oh, you're in the building?
Oh, dad's with you?
Oh, no. Joe's parents...
Oh, no.
Joe's parents are dead.
There's room up here.
I'll just come grab you.
Oh, my god.
He's going to...
You know what he's gonna do!
Q, you're done.
He's bringing him
mom and dad out.
Hey, mom.
Oh, dad's with you?
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Joe's parents are dead.
I'll just come grab you.
Oh, my god.
He's going to bring...
You know what he's gonna do!
Q, you're done.
He's bringing his mom
and dad out.
Oh, no!
He did not go there.
No!
Oh, my god!
Oh, my god!
Oh, my god!
Oh, my god.
His mom's white hair.
Oh, Joe, what did you do?
♪
Oh, I forgot I promised we'd go
on the roller coaster.
Yay!
Let's talk about q not breaking.
Right on the edge.
I would have never, ever,
ever made it past that.
Yeah.
So, you said you never did
a focus group before?
No?
You didn't do them?
Uh-oh.
Here goes q.
Q: It's good to stretch.
These things have your legs
falling asleep, bud?
What?
His beard!
His beard!
♪
Stretch it out, you know?
- Joe, you didn't laugh?
- Oh, my god.
I'll give you both a win there.
I'll give you both a win.
Let's go get something to eat.
Excuse us.
Sorry about that.
Pardon.
Sorry, mom.
Sorry.
Narrator:
Joe and q kept it cool,
so they're safe
from the loser board.
Today, we're teaming up
as customers
at hill country chicken.
While eating lunch,
we're gonna have to do
and say whatever
the other guys tell us to.
If you refuse anything,
your team loses.
And you're chickens.
- That was your tag?
- You didn't like it?
We got to do something
better than that.
- That was the tag?
- That's not...
We're out of time!
Here we go.
We got this guy behind you.
Is that chest hair?
Is that chest hair?
- Probably is.
- Yeah, no, it's impressive.
It's impressive.
I have some, but not enough.
I'm sorry to interrupt.
I couldn't help but notice
your chest hair.
Oh, you noticing that?
Impressive.
I had mine shaved.
I trimmed.
I'm embarrassed by it.
I'm sorry, murr,
why don't we tell the truth
if we're telling the truth.
I used to shave.
Now I get my chest lasered.
- Which is true.
- He's telling the truth.
Is that why it's so spotty?
'Cause it's spotty. It's like
growing in there, but not there.
- Yeah.
- Well, somebody's got to feel it
before we finish with this guy.
You see, mine
is much more coarse.
If mine grew in, it would be
much more coarse than this.
You know what I mean?
'Cause, like,
yours is really soft.
They're both feeling!
- That is soft.
- Get him to feel yours.
Get him to feel yours, q.
Feel how coarse that is.
- Yeah.
- Murr, blast me.
Feel how smooth this is, though.
Feel.
Yeah.
See? Give me more.
Send me to outer space.
- Yeah.
- Sweet, alright.
- Anyways.
- Yeah, go ahead, you can order.
You got chest hair?
How 'bout this fella? Tell him
to "watch your ass, bucko.
You're in hill country now."
All yours, bud.
I'll get your back, right?
I'll try to look menacing.
Hey, watch your ass, bucko.
You're in hill country now.
Take that candy city-ass
out of here.
- I don't know.
- What are you doing?
I'm trying to improvise.
Nobody told you to escalate
the situation.
I'm trying...
I got your back.
Why are you escalating?
Candy city-ass.
Would you stop?
What's the matter with you?
You are a city
candy-ass, Murray.
Yeah.
Sal: Guys, have, like,
a super huge argument
like you're in
a silent film right now.
Okay.
♪
He is trying to understand
what is going on.
Joe: Now just hug
and hold each other.
He's taking a picture of you.
He's taking a picture.
Photo happening.
Go back to arguing.
Go back.
Murr, slowly turn and notice
that you're getting filmed.
♪
Let's have you guys take a seat.
Hold hands.
Just go in for a slow kiss
over the table.
Come on.
Come on. Come on.
Meet me halfway.
Meet me.
No.
Come on.
No.
Then I'm coming through.
I don't want to do it.
Fine!
- You're done.
- I'd rather lose.
You want to get some pie?
Let's get some pie.
Q: Alright.
Look at these two.
Joe: I'm gonna get myself
a plain cheesecake to start.
A what?
I'm gonna get a cheesecake.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
This guy behind
you's getting cake?
You getting a pie?
- I'm getting a cherry pie, man.
- Alright, great.
Get this guy to check
your mouth for you.
- What?
- Make sure it's ready for cake.
You want to eat a cake
with the cavity and everything?
Yeah, I'm gonna get a...
Hi, I'm just gonna
get a cheesecake.
Yeah. Look.
I don't think you should.
- It looks like your mouth.
- No, it don't.
Let me see your mouth.
It's the same.
Look at mine.
- Look at this guy.
- No, dude.
I would not eat until you get
that checked out.
Sir, look at his mouth,
look at my mouth.
Yeah.
You need work.
"You need work" to sal.
- I need work?
- You need work.
- Look.
- You need an orthodontist.
- Look.
- You're perfect.
- See?
- Alright, Joe,
now check his mouth for him.
Let me see yours.
Yeah, it looks great.
That's a guy who knows mouths.
Guys, get all three of you
to open your mouths
at the same time.
Let me see yours.
Ahhhhh.
♪
- Joe, how's sal's hair looking?
- It's good hair today, buddy.
- Pretty good, right?
- Yeah.
Yeah, but maybe he needs
a different style.
Point out different styles
that he could go for.
I could see you rocking
something like this.
Sal: He needs
that cleaned up.
This is nice.
I like that on you.
- You like that?
- Yeah, but you can tell
it's been weeks since
he's had a haircut.
It's all grown out.
Oh, you don't cut it short.
Murr: Keep holding your hand up.
You don't cut it short?
See how many times he can
give you a high five.
Yeah.
I like it, it's
just that, for me,
I go, like, shorter here.
I can't get a haircut
every two weeks.
- He can.
- He knows what
I'm talking about.
I can't get a haircut...
We need five high fives, Joey.
That's the difference.
I find it hard to get there
all the time.
He knows what I'm talking about.
I know what you're
talking about.
You know what?
That was too easy.
Let's go 10.
Excuses are not solutions.
7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12.
It kind of grows here.
I feel like it's
growing out, like,
around the ears right here.
And when I feel like that...
20, 21, 22.
- I want to keep going.
- You want to keep going?
I want to keep going, but how
do you make an appointment?
Do you live near your barber?
- 29, 30.
- Define "near."
I don't live with him.
No, I have...
Murr: 38, 39, 40.
Well, he's the only guy
that does a good job,
so I would use him.
Well, you should
try other people.
47! Joe, go to 100.
50, 51, 52, 53.
Q: We have to do
a time lapse on this.
5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 60!
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,
7, 8, 9, 70!
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7,
8, 9, 80!
1, 2, 3, 4, 5,
6, 7, 8, 9, 90!
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,
7, 8, 9, 100!
- -Holy.
- -They did it.
Guys, some new people
sitting next to you there.
You want to make "chomp, chomp"
noises when they chew?
Q: Guys, some people sitting
next to you there,
you want to make "chomp chomp"
noises when they chew?
Yum!
Murr: Sal, here he goes.
Om.
Om, nom, nom.
Nom, nom, nom.
Slurrp.
Crunch, crunch, crunch,
crunch, crunch, crunch.
Sal's spilling water.
Hold it together, guys.
- Hey.
- Chomp, chomp!
Just stare at them
and make the sound effects
right to their face.
- Chomp.
- Chomp.
Nom, nom, nom.
- Is it good?
- Is it good or...?
Yeah, nom, nom.
Murr: This is one of
the stupidest things
we've ever done.
It's so funny.
Alright, now all you guys
got to do is kiss
and you guys are all done.
You think I'm afraid
to kiss him?
I'll kiss him right now.
You want to kiss?
I'll kiss you.
No, don't do that.
It's a kiss.
But they didn't do it,
then we win at the kiss.
I don't want to,
and I have a cold.
Can't we just do something else?
No, because they told us.
See you later, guys.
Enjoy your travels.
Thank you.
They're not even looking.
They're not looking.
They're not looking.
They'll look.
We're looking.
You got to want it as bad as me.
We're both gonna win.
Oh, my god.
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
Alright, we'll give it to you.
Well done, gentlemen.
Wow!
A well-deserved win.
Narrator: It was a kiss of death
for murr and q,
making murr tonight's big loser.
Well, murr is our big loser.
Murr, I got a question for you.
- Yes?
- What's the first concert
you've ever seen?
Yanni.
And who do you consider to be
one of your favorite musicians.
Yanni.
And who happens to be on
Broadway for one week only?
- Yanni!
- That's right.
This show is pure yanni,
as you see,
which means it's just him
and his piano
and his camera guy.
- Really?
- Oh, yes.
I'm filming yanni?
And not only are you
a camera guy,
you're the world's
worst camera man.
Ah.
- In a matter of seconds...
- Seconds.
Globally famous yanni
will be on the stage.
An icon.
Legit icon.
He's so successful, Broadway
is a step down for him.
He's played the acropolis,
he's played the Taj Mahal.
He's like, "let me
slum it on Broadway."
That's what he's doing,
he's slumming it.
Well, he's with us, that's why.
Oh, yeah, you're right.
Yeah, Murray's been a yanni
fan since high school.
High school.
Murray always wanted to share
the stage with yanni.
It's just a little different.
Oh, god.
Here we go.
Yanni: Welcome, everybody.
How are you feeling tonight?
Sal: Yanni has partnered
with us to torture murr
using his audience.
I don't do a lot of these shows,
but believe you me, I love them.
I love them.
This is important to me.
Look at him.
There he is.
Murr:
I'm on a Broadway stage.
What I'm gonna be doing tonight
is I'm gonna start with a song.
This one is called
"to take, to hold".
Joe: Here we go, murr.
Here we go.
Excuse our language,
but James is gonna
this whole song up.
And if you noticed, guys,
there's this big screen here
that everyone gets to see.
Now, we just want you
to block yanni.
Keep going left, buddy.
Keep going.
Good.
Little to your left.
Little to your left.
Keep going left.
Big step left.
This one is called
"to take, to hold."
Joe: Here we go, murr.
Here we go.
Now we just want you
to block yanni.
Keep going left, buddy.
Keep going, keep going more.
Okay, stop right there
for a second.
Go ahead.
A little to your left.
Little to your left.
Keep going left.
Big step left.
- What is he recording?
- Stop. Stop.
Plant your feet.
Now duck down,
duck down on your knees.
Go to knees.
There you go, murr,
there you go.
Q: There you go.
Look at him.
Look at his face.
Murr, get enamored
with the playing.
Totally forget you're filming.
♪
All right, murr,
work your way around.
I want you to play peekaboo.
Yeah, pop out.
1, 2, 3.
Murr, we want you to block
the side of your fat face.
Go ahead.
Go in slow.
Stop.
A little bit higher.
Sal: The whole crowd
is laughing at you.
Q: Okay, murr, lower the camera
and start shooting your face.
♪
Pick your teeth,
pick your teeth.
Okay, murr, go around
to the front there,
get on your knee.
Now start shooting the audience.
Just turn around.
Okay.
Find somebody, now zoom
in on somebody.
Go away.
Okay, now get on his piano.
Scratch your ass,
scratch your ass.
Go tight on his mustache, bro.
Right in on his mustache.
Right in on his mustache.
Higher, higher.
Murr, now lean on the piano.
Lean on the piano and slip
and hit the keys.
Oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
Apologize to him.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
♪
Keep doing squats.
Keep doing squats.
Jump one hops.
Hop around him.
♪
Oh, boy.
I don't know about you,
but I think this is
the worst camera worker
I've ever seen in my life.
What are you doing?
What are you doing here?
I'm so sorry,
Mr. Yanni.
I'm just a huge fan.
I'm pretty good at the piano.
I am just a huge fan.
I'm actually pretty good
at the piano.
You are?
I know, "one man's dream."
I know, "one man's dream",
your song.
Murray's been taking lessons,
but he doesn't know
how to play it.
You know "one man's dream"?
Well, I took lessons.
All right, show me.
Murray didn't know
he was gonna perform.
Son of a bitch.
I want to hear him play.
He's gonna make him play
in front of Broadway.
Go ahead.
Uh, uh...
Murr, I have never seen you
sweat like this before.
I like your camera work
a lot more.
Move over.
Yes.
- Nice work, stage director.
- I did well.
I appreciate the help.
Well, we're not gonna be
invited back to Broadway.
No.
Do you remember
when this place opened?
We used to work...
Impractical jokers"
headquarters was one block away.
The official headquarters,
our lair.
Joe would order everything,
every pie.
Remember that?
You might be wondering
why sal's wearing that.
I had Mexican for lunch.
I have a little bit of a cold,
but that ain't gonna stop me.
Thank you.
This is not the response
for a little bit of a cold.
Hey, murr, are we going
to the, um...
Oh, sorry. Sorry.
He talked to fake murr.
I'm sorry, I got confused
for a second.
Joe: Oh, my god, it look like
murr in a hoodie.
I'm laughing.
Hi. Can I get the hot
honeywich sandwich?
- To stay or to go?
- To stay.
Murr, take your glasses off,
take your glasses off.
Hey, listen, I don't know
how we're gonna handle
the sal situation.
- Vanilla milkshake?
- Vanilla milkshake, yeah.
Q. Q, I'm here.
But sal and Joe.
I'm here.
Oh, geez.
Good looking guy,
good looking guy.
That mask was too tight.
I'm sorry.
Now I have to get sick.
I'm sorry.
Okay.
It's too tight.
Big fat face.
What are you thinking
of ordering?
"Hey, let me see those glasses"
and put them on.
Going I think
with the chickwich.
A chickwich?
Mm-hmm.
I can't... do you mind if I see?
I can't see with these?
Let me see.
I might be able to see
better with yours.
You want to look
with my glasses?
Yeah, I want to see
your prescription.
Why?
To see if I can see better.
Let me see.
They're strong.
Much better.
What prescription do you have?
Well, mine is too light.
Well, what is it?
It's like, uh...
Q, you want to tell these nerds
to move it along?
Five?
Yes.
Hey, you two nerds
want to move it along
before I take your lunch money.