I'm a Virgo (2023): Season 1, Episode 1 - You a Big Muthaf***a - full transcript

Raised by his aunt LaFrancine and uncle Martisse in Oakland, 19-year-old Cootie decides to sneak out and discover the world. He's curious, has adventures, makes friends and is spotted by the Hero.

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Cootie.
That's your name, baby.

Cootie!

Oh boy, you are big.

Heart, head, hands, feet.

Here.

I thought you might like that.

You know, you a big mother fucker.

All the wear and tear that
you're putting on this house.

I mean just leaning on the
walls, you putting holes in 'em

and I gotta fix this shit myself

'cause I don't want
nobody to see your big ass



because if they see you, they gonna
try to get the people and turn you in.

I'm sorry.

When this paint dry just make
sure you stay on the yellow side.

♪ Auto Area ♪

♪ These are the parts for
the autos in your area ♪

Heir to the modern computational

instruments fortune, successful
comic book publisher,

Jay Whittle, sold record
breaking amounts of The Hero,

but by issue number 12,
The Hero would jump off the page

and into the embattled streets of Oakland.

Get your mind right, half wits.

Why do you let him watch this shit?

He doesn't have much, let him have this.

The Daily is about to find out



just what makes the
enigmatic entrepreneur tick.

I think that people see in colors

and I see in black and white.

I suppose gray is a color,

but even that color
isn't in my color wheel.

It's very simple, really.

People shouldn't have to be afraid.

People shouldn't feel like they have a gun

pointed at their head all the time.

Uh-

People should feel protected.
The law protects people.

The law leads to order.

And order is how we make
sure that everyone...

...is safe.

Jay?

I really, I hope that you weren't
threatened by that in any way.

- That certainly wasn't my intention.
- No, of course.

Let me hold your hand.

- The world is not ready yet.
- How could you know, Mom?

You never ask a Gemini
how they know things.

I feel like I can't breathe in here.

Last night, the infamous Cocoa Twins

were captured and taken off
the open streets for good.

The two men were connected
with a cigarette stealing crime spree

that lasted about a month.

- You still watching TV?
- It's just the news.

How many hours of reading have you put in?

I told you, 10 hours of book reading,
three hours of exercise.

One hour of hygiene and three
hours to do what I want.

- I know. I already did my 10.
- You need to get discipline.

Is that your feet, your
butt, or your arms I smell?

Keep it right here...

You want the Bing-Bang Burger

to burger your burger...

...This wet, juicy burger
deep in your mouth

for premium satisfaction...
Get over here now!

You gonna keep on campaigning,
you gonna get elected.

Come on, let's go. Let's do this.
Come on.

Heart, head, hands, feet.

As long as I push, there is no defeat.

Get your right shoulder out Cootie.
Stay on the yellow, man.

- Slowly, slowly.
- Only on the yellow, man.

- I need-
- Stay on the yellow, man.

Keep it calm, Martisse.

I have to get out of here.

- What you think, boy?
- Oh!

Whoa!

- Ah, ah, shoes.
- Oh.

- You know better than that.
- Whoa.

Next stop... the world.

Not yet.

Not until your 21st birthday.

Why? What, I'll magically
be ready two years from now?

Yeah. Trust us.

Can't trust us, who can you trust?

What?

A Bing?
It's not poison?

It's a version
of a Bing-Bang burger.

Yeah, it's aversion.

You know we ain't gonna bring
that poison in here to you.

You lucky we got your back.

- You ever took my mama to Bing-Bang?
- Who? Her?

- Hell nah.
- You know who I mean.

Look, my little sister
was a beautiful soul.

Okay, I wouldn't give her the poison.

I wouldn't give it to you and I damn sure
wouldn't give it to myself.

Heart, head, hands, feet.
Come on, come on.

Heart, head, hands, feet.
As long as I push, there's no defeat.

My discipline is the structure
which makes me complete.

A clear mind shall nourish
and truth is never weak.

I suffer for the day when all shall gain.

I'll be ready for the world
and ready for the pain.

Get your mind right, half wits.

Get your mind right, half wits.

I ain't trying to go to jail but,

this bitch obviously don't
know who she fucking with.

This bitch really don't
know who she fucking with.

Focus on your key words today.
Control, magnetic, commanding.

From that day forward,

I knew nothing would stop
me from achieving greatness.

From that day forward,

I knew nothing would stop
me from achieving greatness.

Psst! Hey!

I saw you!

I saw you man.

Now I understand why Francine and 'Tisse
brought in this fence and these trees.

Look man,
my permit paperwork is so fishy.

Believe me, I'm not trying
to blow your spot up

and have the city coming around here.
You dig?

I can see the old bay from up there.

I've got two and a half
outta five bridges. I'm Lalo, man.

I'm making some tamales
for the block party.

I'll sneak some over if you want.

Tamales?

Best in Oakland.

Yes, please.

It ain't no Bing-Bang Burger
like your old man 'Tisse loves.

Like, like Martisse loves?

Me and him, we used to fuck
a Bing-Bang Burger hardcore style

every other day it seems like.

I figured you must be into it too
because you-

Mothafucka...

I had to move it out of the way,
keep track of your own shit.

It's not even out here.

You doing more of your watching, huh?
That's good.

I'm sorry I act ungrateful sometimes.
I know you guys just want the best for me.

Like how you don't want me to eat the
poison that these corporations feed people

like Bing-Bang Burger.

I know you wouldn't want me
to eat something that you haven't ate,

so I'm sorry for acting
like a pouty little kid.

Apology accepted.

Hey, where you headed?

- We 'finna go to the park.
- Y'all gonna be hanging out all night?

I don't know, maybe.

If you can't trust us,
who can you trust? Control.

We used to fuck with Bing-Bang
Burger hardcore style.

This bitch obviously
don't know who she fucking with.

- Virgo.
- Yo!

Bro, what the fuck?

This is the last, bro, stop
buying his cheap shit, bro.

What the fuck is wrong with you?
Nasty as fuck.

Almost burned my fucking throat.

Damn!

Stop! you're gonna
make me pee on myself!

- I'm just sayin'!
- Just piss in the bushes. Go!

- Baby bladder!
- Shut up!

Oh, damn.
Okay.

Hey, yo.

I'm on some high shit. Alright.

What the...?

Oh shit!
Hey! Hey!

- Come on!
- What?

The bush just ran away!

It's a damn giant.

When your mom makes dinner and it's-

Let me let my boy Felix
tell his version of the story, you dig?

I saw what I saw.
It was a 13 foot tall nigga

with leaves and shit all over, twigs...

Hey, hey, we got t-shirts based off
Felix's drawing of the Twamp Monster.

Twamp Monster.

- Hey link in the bio.
- Link in bio.

- Get yours before they go okay?
- Twamp team, my people soft.

Whoo!

She's a rubber.
You feel me?

She coming over to me,
I'm like, and so we arguing and shit.

I'm like, look, if you talking all of that
you must got the wrong tool in your hand...

...what you really wanna hold?

Hey!

I told y'all!
Hey, bro! I see you!

- Just come out.
- Hey, what's up?

Holy shit. Hey, you wanna hit this?

- Bro! No!
- Chill, chill.

Whoa!

This shit is saucy.
Hey Scat, come here.

I really thought they grew weed in here.

I'm I'm Cootie.

Well it's "Kuti" but
you can call me Cootie.

- So, you work at Auto Area?
- Uh, I do, yes.

♪ Auto Area ♪

♪ We sell the parts for
the autos in your area ♪

- ♪ Ba da boom ♪
- Ka-pow!

Ay bro, honestly, I just work there
so I can get parts to fix up my car.

But it's really like the car is my job
'cause it's really... fuck Auto Area.

Yeah. My parents told me that
if you don't get a job

they send you directly to jail,
so... that make sense.

You know, as a young black man
if you walk down the street

and the police see that you don't have
a job, they send you directly to jail.

I know all about it.

- Bro, that's not exactly how it is.
- I mean metaphorically

- that's how it goes...
- Well, shit.

Damn!

So, uh, besides when he saw you,
you never been out there?

My mom made me some tacos.
You guys want some?

She made,
she made a good amount.

- I'm good, man.
- Okay.

- Wow.
- Damn, is it good?

Hey yo, I'm just gonna just
ask what we all thinking,

- why you so damn big, bro?
- Facts.

I started to think
maybe my size is a sign.

Yeah, it says step back bitches.

- It's a signal to do something important.
- Important like an overdue bill, or?

- Important like The Hero.
- What'd you say your name was again?

- Jones.
- Hey yo, The Hero locked my cousin up

for selling weed without a license bro.

Well why was he doing that?

It was either for shits and giggles
or rent money. I should ask him.

Um...

You guys wanna see me
bench press the Caprice?

Yo!

Power is something exercised
that's put into action.

- Foucault.
- Yup.

Power exists only when
it's put into action.

It sounds pretty but useless
for actual organizing.

- Okay. Hey, we gotta cut y'all.
- You have to leave now?

- Just hit the side show with us.
- Yeah.

I don't know.
My mother, she says people get crazy.

Hey brother, the whole hood love you.
They already got your t-shirts on.

For real.

The world is not ready yet.

I don't want
nobody to see your big ass,

'cause if they see you,
they gonna try to get the people.

Gotta wait till your 21st birthday.

From that day forward I knew,

nothing would stop me
from achieving greatness.

Well, I'm a Virgo and
Virgos love adventure.

- Facts!
- Let's go!

We showin' up with a giant!

♪ This is the word ♪

♪ I done been through a whole lot ♪

♪ Trial, tribulation, but I know God ♪

♪ Satan wanna put me in a bow tie ♪

♪ Pray that the holy water don't go dry
Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ As I look around me
So many motherfuckers wanna down me ♪

♪ But enemigo never drown me ♪

♪ In front of a dirty
double-mirror they found me ♪

♪ And I love myself ♪

I feel small.

♪ I love myself ♪

♪ I love my ♪

Hey, Cootie!

You ever hear six woofers
coming outta the trunk?

♪ Party wanna pull our big pics up ♪

♪ Big subwoofer
bouncin' like a trampoline ♪

♪ Glass shake when I roll past the scene ♪

♪ Candy apple paint
Drippin' classic green ♪

Hold on, hold on I wanna hear.

♪ Everybody eatin', you can ask the team ♪

♪ Fast and mean, speakers
bumpin', tags is clean ♪

♪ Keep me somethin' to smoke on ♪

♪ Bad bitch to poke on, bass
hittin' like a earthquake ♪

I love this!

♪ Hit the block and roll on
My bitch got ass like two eighteens ♪

♪ Her favorite Too $hort
song is In Those Jeans ♪

On the yellow line.
Stay on the yellow line.

Come on, Cootie, we gotta go.

From that day forward,

I knew that nothing would stop
me from achieving greatness.

What?

It's a saying,
people say it all the time.

People don't be talkin' like that bro.

Gotta help Jones with something.

First, take the wheat paste, put it on the
wall, then you put the poster up.

And then you go back over
with the wheat paste.

- Can I help?
- Yes sir.

What the hell?
Damn, he could do the whole block.

He really could do the whole block.

Well my mom tells me that
people get on a FBI list,

- you know when they-
- Yo, everybody's on the FBI list anyway.

- Might as well be for good reason.
- Who? You on the FBI list...

- You on the FBI list too.
- And you too...

- Damn.
- Man, the power company

be cutting our shit
whenever just to save money.

Let's go!

Alright, I see you. Aye, que rico!

Yay!

Hold on!

- Punch that shit Felix!
- Whooo!

Yeah!

- Y'all ain't got no giant!
- Yeah!

Cootie, leave 'em wanting more.

That shit was hard.

- Whoo!
- You feel me!

Hey bro, this car is my life, bro.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure
this nigga's dick got steering fluid.

Tonight you made her a legend.

- Hey bro, you a real one.
- I am?

Yes!

Ruh-roh.

For reals?

It's him?

Spotlight.
You are above the approved decimal levels.

I'll check your vehicle registration
numbers and impound these vehicles.

In California, more than three people
gathered together wearing similar clothes

can be prosecuted as a gang

Get your mind right, half wits.

Turn my music down,
how about this motha...

♪ Fuck the police,
fuck the police, fuck 'em ♪

♪ Fuck the police, fuck
the police, fuck 'em ♪

What the hell's
wrong with you coming in...

Shh!
What are you thinking?

- What?
- What do you mean what?

It's a word attempting to specifically
locate the object of one's inquiry.

- Boy, I wish I was eight foot taller.
- Have you been listening to me?

Have I been wasting my breath?

You can't waste or save it
because it comes out either way.

Man, this dude is crazy.

You do not appreciate what we put aside
to keep you safe and to keep you fed...

I didn't ask for it...
I didn't ask for it!

To become the man that you are.
I gave up-

What? Bing-Bang Burgers?
Hmm? Y'all used to eat Bing-Bang Burgers.

Yes, I did.

I did eat Bing-Bang Burgers but I stopped.

- Okay. How about subwoofers then?
- Huh?

You guys always play music
from these tiny little speakers.

So, you basically kept one
of the greatest inventions from me.

It moves through your
body like, like waves.

Okay? And it sings to your bones

and you can feel the ground
and the sky at the same time.

As if, as if you,

as if you're the thing that's
keeping it together. You know?

I'm 19 and I heard bass
for the first time.

That's abuse!

You know what,
no one's ever took me away.

Y'all are just paranoid
and y'all are lying to me.

- Take a look at this.
- No, no.

- Come on, sit down.
- Mama.

Come on man.

It gives me nightmares
every time, please. Tomorrow.

Sit down.

We are not lying about this.

This is how we keep them just nightmares.

None of them are related to me.
None of them?

No...

But there's one just like you
every generation somewhere.

People are always afraid.
And you are a 13 foot tall black man.

They fear you.

They were excited to see me, mama.
They were excited.

- Come on.
- No, no.

- Heart, head, hands, feet.
- No, no, no.

Not tonight.
I don't want to do that tonight.

You know, Cootie,
soon people are gonna try to figure out

how to use you and when
they can't use you no more...

They gonna try to get rid of you.

I have one question.

- Did she used to go to Bing-Bang Burger?
- Aw man...

Mama tell me, did she eat...

- Bing-Bang Burgers?
- Yes.

Oh, shit.

♪ Is it me ♪

♪ Or is the moonlight shining
brighter than it usually does ♪

♪ Is it me ♪

♪ Or is tonight the most
amazing night that there ever was ♪

♪ Can you see the stars ♪

Next?

Welcome to Bing-Bang Burger.
What can I bop you with?

Um. I'll take seven
Bing-Bang burgers, please.

Your's is ready, big man.

Hey.

Oh...

What?

Oh!

Oh!

- Scat.
- Thank you.

- Jones.
- Oh, damn!

- Felix.
- Yessir.

- This right here!
- Now you want to do a food van?

- This sauce, bro!
- This sauce, bro!

- The sauce!
- There's crack in this sauce.

- Come on.
- That Bing-Bang sauce!

- Bing-Bang sauce!
- What they put in this?

- I dunno, this shit hits.
- Always.

- Hit, hit.
- Mmm.

What you think?
Good, right?

Mh hm!

It's actually very disgusting.

What?

It's really very bad.

That's 'cause this
nigga' be eating spinach pies.

♪ I'm outta this world ♪

♪ My name is Furl ♪

- Aye, bruh, you ain't dancin', man?
- Huh?

- What?
- You ain't gon' dance?

Oh! Nah, nah.

- I ain't never danced before, so.
- Well at least like holler

- at some females or something bro.
- It's my first time at a club.

Hey bro, if you don't just down those
shots and get on the dance floor

and holler at some females,
me and you gonna fight.

You messing with me...
that's what friends do.

Okay!

I always wondered what having a friend
was, now I know it's like bass

because like the bass
coming out this speaker,

friends can help you feel
the inside of yourself

and the rest of the
world at the same time.

- Yeah! Hey bruh, that's real as fuck.
- Right?

Yes. Alright, look, I declare us friends.

Well then I want to help you
feel the inside of yourself too.

Hey, you need another one right?

- Hey, can I get one more for my boy?
- I think I'm drunk.

Good.
Just hold it otherwise you look weird.

- Okay.
- Hey, there go one looking.

You ready?
Beautiful! In the black dress.

Hey, look, look, just don't
let silence happen, okay?

Silence is a killer.
Beautiful, beautiful.

Yes. This is the big man.
Just don't stop talking, okay?

- Your dress is really pretty.
- Thanks.

I think you could be in the background
of a music video or something.

Cardi B or Beyoncé or somebody big.

I mean, you pick what music video
you want to be the background in and...

They'll put you in it.

You know, as long as they
don't have enough pretty girls.

But I'm sure you would
show up early though...

Because you look punctual.

- Virgos are punctual, I'm a Virgo...
- I'm sorry, I don't speak English.

♪ Tell me when to go ♪

Go Cootie! Go Cootie!

♪ Tell me when to go
Tell me when to go ♪

♪ Dum, dum, dum, dum ♪

♪ Tell me when to go
Tell me when to go ♪

♪ Tell me when to go
Tell me when to go ♪

♪ Dum, dum, dum, dum ♪

Man, for real?

Excuse me!

We were just talking and, um,
we wanna see that dick.

- Cootie!
- Felix!

- Yo, what's up?
- What's going on with your boy, man?

Can't say excuse me?
I mean, the nigga knocked me down.

I'm just looking for an "excuse me".

Aw, bro. Hey.

I'm... I'm very sorry.

That's socially unacceptable, bro.

Grab ya mans, Felix.
I'm not feeling the love right now, bro.

Just let me know where
you want to feel the love

and I can put it right there.

You twamp niggas.

Act like you forgot what the
cement taste like, homie.

- What the semen tastes like?
- The cement, muthafucka!

You going to taste the cement you
fucking Slim Jim ass, built-ass nigga.

Tall ass...Slim Jim...
Grumpy-built ass nigga...

Mark-ass nigga...

He getting scared!
He getting tired!

Come on, get off!

- We told you to get off!
- Bro, he's big, bro!

Get up, bro. Get up, bro.
Hey man, nigga's from Lower Bottoms, bro.

You got us fucked up.

You jumped on him, bro.
Like what you thought?

- Take y'all drunk asses home!
- I'm sorry!

- Good night.
- Wait Bear...

I'm gonna call you bro.

Many claimed it was a hoax.

There's a giant man in Oakland
with a penchant for sideshows,

dancing, burgers and brawls.

Police stopped the suspect

known as the Twamp Monster,

after a melee between
him and five other men.

But video by onlookers shown to police

clearly shows the giant
man acting in self-defense.

- Police are releasing him without arrest.
- Mute.

Muting.

Measure threat level
of the Twamp Monster.

Measuring now.

You're not trying to get anybody's story.

You have us sitting on the ground here.
Are you serious?

- Fuck.
- We knew it was gonna happen.

- Just wish it didn't happen so soon.
- He ain't ready, but we are.

When was the last time you checked?

We ready.