I'll Be Gone in the Dark (2020–…): Season 1, Episode 6 - Walk into the Light - full transcript

In the true crime community,

Michelle's death was
unbelievable.

One of the first things
I thought was,

"That book has to get finished."

I wanted to take care
of this person,

for her whole life.

This book,
was my last opportunity

to take care of something
for her.

And then, there was the case.

There was momentum
within agencies recognizing,

"We need to get this done."



I reached out to this
genetic genealogist.

We got over a thousand matches.

Things snowballed from there.

I remember thinking,
this guy looks awfully good.

After four decades
of searching for this guy,

we got a one hundred percent
match,

to the Golden State Killer's
DNA.

I wish you were pointing
that camera

at Michelle right now.

I was 18.

The good girl,
the rule follower.

Straight-A student.

I started dating this guy.

He was studying law enforcement



and I was in nursing.

He was very gregarious, uh,
outgoing to all my friends.

We'd been together
close to a year.

He gave me a high solitaire
engagement ring.

And he told me that
we're gonna be married.

The rules were never for him.

He took me hunting...

...without a license.

Illegal spear fishing.

We crossed into "no trespassing"
territory at night.

So many of the things
that we did together,

he pushed me toward fear.

One time, I'm on the back
of his motorcycle

doing this steep hill climb,

I'm just thinking this is...
This is suicide.

He let a German shepherd
chase us on the bike...

...and he kicked the dog
underneath the chin

and he broke its neck.
It just dropped dead.

The critical point for us
was in college.

He told me that I was going
to help him

to cheat on the exam.

I told him, "I won't let you
cheat from my paper."

And that began the escalation
of, "But you have to.

We're engaged. You have to,
you have to.

You owe me this."

As he continued
to put on pressure,

I gave him back
the engagement ring.

Two weeks later,

probably two or three o'clock
in the morning,

there was a tapping
on the glass of my window.

I pulled the curtain back,
and he was pointing a gun at me

and said, "Get dressed,
we're going to Reno tonight.

We're gonna be married."

At that time,

I still lived
in my parents' home,

and I ran to go wake up
my father to ask him to help me.

He put me in the bathroom
and said,

"Don't you come out
until I come and get you."

And it was about
two hours of time.

My father came back
and just told me to go to bed.

No indication of what was said

or what had happened
in the porch,

and... and I never knew.

I never got the story
from my father.

And I never saw Joe again.

Where do we go? I'll follow you.

One minute.

Um, can we get this to stream,
or...

- We'll find it somewhere.
- Here we go.

Turn the volume up all the way.

- Yeah, I will.
- Yeah, yeah.

Good morning, everybody.

For those of you
that don't know,

my name is Anne Marie Schubert,
I'm the District Attorney

of Sacramento County.

Over these years,
hundreds of individuals

have sought justice
for these victims

and their families.

Many have dedicated
their virtual entire professions

to seeking this answer.

Joseph James DeAngelo

has been called a lot of things
by law enforcement.

He's been called
the East Side Rapist,

he's been called
the Visalia Ransacker,

the Original Night Stalker,

and the Golden State Killer.

Today, it's our pleasure
to call him defendant.

His 12-year reign of terror
lasted from 1974

through May 4th of 1986.

He started with ransacking,
sexual assaults, rape.

Wow.

He moved down the state
from Sacramento County

and ending in Orange County.

They just confirmed
that he's the Ransacker.

- Wow.
- 1980 to 1986.

Oh my God.

There's
something about these detectives,

like, I end up, like,
falling a little in love

with each of them.
Just there... there's something

about the drive that they have
and what they're doing,

that I just... I don't know,
I get, like, almost, like, teary

when I go to all these
different jurisdictions

and they're just digging
through old paperwork

and they're not giving up.

I have such respect for it.

It was disbelief.

And then, um, a flood
of emotions came through

that over 40 years,

I didn't realize
were still there.

Uh, it's absolutely huge.

After nearly a quarter
of a century

trying to find this guy,
to actually see him,

after all these years
of wondering who he was,

it's an amazing moment.

"We found
the needle in the haystack."

Those are the words
of authorities in California

following the arrest
of a former police officer.

Joseph DeAngelo, now 72,

arrested outside his home.
They surprised him.

No incident.
He didn't say, "It wasn't me,"

or anything like that?

No, uh, really no...
Really no conversation at all.

Uh, just the, uh, the only thing
he really said was,

uh, they had arrested him.

So, I can tell you that
over the last few days,

as information started to point
towards this individual,

we started some surveillance.

We were able to get
some discarded DNA,

and we were able to confirm

what we thought we already knew.

- What does he mean, "discarded DNA"?
- We had our man.

- They went through his trash.
- Oh.

I can't underscore enough
the absolute human factor.

This was a true convergence
of emerging technology

and dogged determination
by detectives.

Yes.

So I want to thank
not only the crime lab,

the DNA that helped us get here,

but my own detectives...

The amazing thing
about this DNA technology

is it's like every three months,
it gets better.

Within a year I can...

We probably will have
the family tree.

What I love is this intersection

of sort of technology
and crime solving,

in that people can get sort of
wheeled out of their house

for something they did in 1957

because of the internet,
because of DNA.

She's an incredible writer,

and a lot of people
I saw on social media today

were, you know, tweeting out

this... this last bit
that she wrote

- which seems really fitting.
- Oh, yeah, yeah.

"One day soon, you'll hear a car
pull up to your curb,

an engine cut out.

You'll
hear footsteps coming up your front walk.

The doorbell rings."

No side gates are left open.

You're long past
leaping over a fence.

Take one of your hyper
gulping breaths,

clench your teeth,

inch timidly toward
the insistent bell.

Open the door.

Show us your face.

Walk into the light.

Michelle McNamara.

Good morning to you.

We are outside the Sacramento
County Courthouse,

where later today, 72-year-old
Joseph DeAngelo

will make
his first court appearance.

Investigators now telling us

they used discarded DNA
to help track him down...

Wow, is that huge.

I was living in Citrus Heights

and he was living
in Citrus Heights for 30 years.

Same city.

And the fact that
he was a police officer

just makes me sick.

And we're off.

Gonna have positive vibes.

It's interesting
because I am getting nervous.

I mean, I'm not afraid
of him now,

he's just... he's an old man,

but, um...
you know, evil's evil.

On the first
day of the arraignment,

I was just like,
"Can this be happening?

This cannot be happening."

The victims were all kind of
gathered in the DA's office,

and Dr. Offerman's son
and his wife were there.

For the longest time,
when I found out

that the murders
were associated with the rapes,

I really wanted
to meet these women.

They were, like, the only people
maybe on the planet

who got my story,
who understood.

And I thought, "They know."

They know, but they know
what happened to Charlene.

But they lived through it,
and they got to live through it,

and they're strong.

Forty-two years.

Forty-two years
I've waited for this.

But, hey, he's behind bars
and justice is being served.

"Now we, dot, dot, dot,
have the power

and the control."

Rape is all about power
and control,

but, you know,
now we're in charge, buddy.

We're in charge.

Joseph DeAngelo
of Citrus Heights

is now facing 13 counts
of murder

and 13 counts of kidnapping.

Deb Domingo
asked if I could sit in for her,

to be there in spirit
for her mother

and her mother's boyfriend
that were so brutally murdered.

All right, Your Honor,
on the 130 calendar, page two,

in custody, DeAngelo.

Is, uh, Joseph James
DeAngelo your true correct legal name?

- I'm sorry?
- Yes.

Yes. You are.

This old man?

This pathetic old man
is the monster?

...circumstance.
Count one alleges

on or about February 2, 1978,

in the county of Sacramento,

you did willfully, unlawfully,
and with malice aforethought

murder Katie Maggiore,
a human being,

in violation of Penal Code
section 187, subdivision A.

It is a felony.
It's further alleged...

I was not happy
when I heard he was caught

because I wanted him dead.

But I was happy that he was
being brought to justice.

Like,
all the conflicting feelings,

I was angry, scared, happy, mad.

I really experienced
every emotion.

I feel that I did a great job
for 42 years of...

living and trying
to be as normal as possible.

You know, it was now real.

And unfortunately...

our brains hold onto
a lot of memories

that now were starting to flood.

...sixty-one, Mr. DeAngelo.

All right.
Why don't we take a recess...

To get through
that initial time,

I can't stress how...

how unsettling it is to live
every minute being afraid

when you never thought
that would happen to you

or could happen.

I scribbled
over his face 'cause I hated it.

Maybe we shouldn't use that one.

Here's a good one.
"How DNA was collected."

Feelings are very complicated
in these situations.

I cannot remember after the rape

the first time that I might have
broken down in tears.

I don't know that I ever did
in front of any of the officers.

The one time
I do remember crying

was two and a half months later

on August 16, 1977,
when... when Elvis Presley died.

Bye.

I cried for Elvis
and I cried for myself

and my family and all
we'd been through that year.

And strangely,
after DeAngelo's arrest,

I found myself crying a lot.

And this is the thing
about these emotions, you...

you... you couldn't even, uh...

intelligently explain
why you're crying.

It's... it's just perhaps maybe
all the emotional stress

of so much over so long a time.

And then, when they
started showing his house

out in Citrus Heights,
his nice...

comfy suburban three-car garage
house with the toys,

I thought, "You're kidding me."

Citrus Heights? Under our nose?

And he's living
the comfy suburban life

that he wrecked
for so many other people?

Crazy thought,
but what if we actually do

catch this guy
and you get the satisfaction

of knowing all the work
that we did

helps land this dude?

What's gonna happen to the kid
and all these people

that have spent 4,000 hours
looking at this stuff?

Uh, what will happen
if this case gets solved?

Um, because this does seem
to fulfill something

for a lot of people.

This house
right here. There it is.

- Seriously?
- That's it.

That is it.

Since DeAngelo's arrest,

I spent that time
trying to reconcile

Joseph James DeAngelo
with the abstract image

of the East Area Rapist
that I had developed.

It's like this person's
a stranger all over again.

Much in the way that, you know,

I'd struggled to reconcile
Michelle's substance abuse

and the things
that I didn't know about her

with the person that I knew.

I've struggled to fuse
those two people.

You know, all of my work

is interest in, uh,
the human psyche.

What makes people suffer,

what makes, uh, people turn out
the way they are.

I'm really interested
in what made Joe DeAngelo

become the East Area Rapist.

What in his life
created that monster?

Was he born like that?

I don't think so.

He may have had
something missing

and it culminated
in other things

that happened to him
in his childhood.

I don't know,
but I really want to know.

All right.

The first thing I wanted to do

was do a search for his name
in Michelle's hard drive.

She knew more about this case
than anyone...

but I didn't find it.

And I was like,
"Let's build a timeline."

We need to build a timeline
of where he's been.

Joe is one of four, born in 1945

in upstate New York.

As a boy,
he moves with his family

to an army base in Germany
where his father's stationed.

My gut has always been
like it's a troubled child

of someone who had a big
family connection

to the military. Yeah.

Then he moves to Rancho Cordova

in Sacramento County
for high school.

They struggle financially
and move frequently.

In 1964, his parents divorce
and Joe joins the Navy,

serving as a warship repairman
in Vietnam.

Another part of me
thinks, "Well, was it Vietnam?"

I mean, look at the timing
of it.

So, you know, I'm not sure
it wasn't that

or something like that.

Right. Wow.

When he returns in 1968,

Joe goes to school
for criminal justice.

That's when he's engaged
to Bonnie Colwell,

which ends badly.

After graduation,
he follows his family

south to Exeter, California,

and marries
twenty-year-old Sharon Huddle.

In 1973,
he becomes a police officer,

assigned to
the anti-burglary unit

one town over from Visalia,

the same year
the ransackings begin.

Three years later,
the ransacking ceases

and Joe moves with Sharon
to Auburn,

where he joins the police force.

The East Area Rapist attacks
begin that summer,

just 30 miles southwest
in Rancho Cordova.

No,
he definitely was living in Sacramento.

Okay.

I mean, he definitely
knew Sacramento very well.

But he keeps coming back to this
very small...

I mean, you can walk
to those crime scenes.

Yeah.

They're
within a mile of each other.

The EAR terrorizes
Sacramento and beyond

until 1979,
when Joe was arrested

for stealing dog repellent
and a hammer

and fired from the force.

He wasn't super athletic.

He had a nickname,
which was Junk Food Joey.

He would, you know,
have a bag of potato chips,

a candy bar, or a soft drink
in his hand all the time.

The Original
Night Stalker murders

in Southern California start
in 1979.

The murder spree stops in 1981,

the same year the first
of his three daughters is born.

I mean, God.

No murders occur
for the next five years

until his last known victim,
Janelle Cruz,

is killed in 1986.

Joe's second daughter is born
six months later.

In the early '90s,
his wife moves out

with their three daughters.

Though Sharon
is a divorce lawyer,

the pair never legally splits.

I think he's a middle-class guy

who... who has a respectable job
that you would just be...

Your jaw would drop if you
found out that this was him.

Joe spends
most of his time fishing

and working the night shift
as a mechanic

at a supermarket
distribution center.

In March 2018, he retires,

and the following month,
he is arrested.

Um, the inside
of the house was cluttered,

but an organized clutter. Uh...

Do we have any sense

that he knew
the book came out? Or...

No. In fact, I was half expecting
to see Michelle's book inside the house.

Yeah.

Uh, I did think
about Michelle, thinking,

"I wish you were here
to be able to see this,"

because we had so many
conversations

about who this guy actually
could be.

You know, having three daughters

and a granddaughter, um...

you know, knowing
that he committed crimes

against women like that.

What must that be like
in his soul

and in his conscience?

My first alliance
is with all the survivors,

but I also feel compassion
towards his family.

I mean, their lives
are changed forever.

This is Uncle Joe.

This is at his house, uh,
in Citrus Heights.

Here's Uncle Joe again.

It's when he was younger.

And this looks like it was
taken at my parents' place.

Um, yeah.

Yeah.

My mom, as she's dying,

she says, "This family...

is so full of secrets.

Everyone has a secret."

It's Becky, Joe, and Constance.

So, Constance is my mother.

She told me stories
where they would be eating...

peas off of the kitchen floor

and they would be looking
in cabinets

to try to find something to eat.

They were just little kids.

Yeah, they, you know,
because they were always...

They were hungry, you know,
and no one was home

to feed them.

Um, she said that they would be
locked up in a closet.

Uh, her father would lock them
in a closet

and then bring them out
and line them up

and do corporal punishment
on them.

And guess who got the worst
of the beatings?

It was Uncle Joe.

She says, "My brother, Joe,

got the worst of all of us."

When we started dating
each other,

he had a big muscle car.

He taught me how to drive.

And he bought me
a small .22 rifle

and taught me how to clean it,

how to load it, how to shoot it

and, um, it was...
It was a power thing.

It was all about his dominance.

Joe was my first sexual partner.

When we were together
intimately,

he would stop and come back

and stop and come back
and stop and come back.

And I didn't really understand
that I could say,

"You know,
this is not fun for me.

This is practically painful
for me."

And, uh...

but I j... I went along.

I didn't...
I really didn't know any better.

I just had no reference to say,
"This is...

This is going toward abusive."

After the broken engagement

with a gun at my window,

I had so put it away
and buried it.

When he was arrested

and I started to tell
the story again,

I was sleeping
about three hours a night.

I'm waking up
with a gun at my head

over and over and over again.

I still today have a hard time

believing that he did it.

I mean, Joe's like...

an amazing person.

He was loving and...

nice and...

just the dad that I always
wished that I had had.

I was related to Joe
through marriage,

but he was just always known
as Uncle Joe to me.

When I was 13,

I had two boys
break into my house

through a bathroom window
in my parents' room

and put my clo...
My sister in a closet,

held a knife to my neck,

and attacked me.

Well, between that and...

the abuse of my dad,
I tried to harm myself...

and that's pretty much
how I ended up

going to live with Joe.

This was dated on April 30th...

and I said, "Joe...

I don't even know how to begin,
other than to say..."

"I cannot believe what I am
hearing and seeing.

You taught me to drive,
shoot a gun,

always took me to Blockbuster
to rent my favorite movies.

Some of my best memories
are of you.

You were a good dad,

that is the one thing
I know to be true.

I hope you did care about me...

because my heart
is forever broken."

In 1975, we lived
off of Winchester Way

in Rancho Cordova.

One night, uh,

I was sleeping
and I had to turn over.

And I remember opening my eyes,
and I saw...

some... a man, or some man,

or something,
in a... in a ski mask

and he was staring at me.

This is the house

that me and my family
used to live in.

Um, the bedroom to the left

was me and my brother's bedroom.

That's where I saw the man
in the ski mask.

I always wondered
all these years,

who was that talking to me

through his teeth, who said,

uh, "Don't turn around,
go back to sleep"?

I never discussed it
with anybody.

I never told a soul.

I sat down with my wife
after my uncle got arrested,

and I was in tears and I was
telling her these things.

I said, "Wow,

I wonder if he used our house
as a safe haven?"

I feel very, very bad

for all these victims

and for their families,

and all these people,

you know, that were murdered
by him too and their families.

And then, you wake up one day

and you find out that you're on
this side of the spectrum,

where your family member

is the one that did
all these heinous crimes.

Can you imagine how we feel
as well?

To think that someone
who we knew all of our lives

was like this,

and we had no clue.

The only motive
that there ever was,

was to completely control
a person

that I found
physically attractive

and keep them with me
as long as possible,

even if it meant just
keeping a part of them.

What would motivate
somebody to do this?

What was the motive?

What's the motive?

What was the motive?

Motive? Motive? Motive?

Thousands of people
flocked to Nashville, Tennessee,

earlier this month.

They were headed
to the second annual CrimeCon,

a convention
whose mere existence

confirms America's
fascination with crime.

To me, it's almost like
the Coachella

of people who love true crime.

I've spent a lot
of time thinking about why.

For many reasons,
the fascination makes no sense.

I'm extraordinarily squeamish

about visual depictions
of violence

and frequently have
to leave the room

at what many would consider
mild episodes

of physical roughness on TV.

No one in my family has
murdered or been murdered.

I don't know. I just don't know.

So glad to meet you!

It's a fear a lot of women hold

that something's gonna happen
to them,

they might get attacked, um,

you know, whatever it might be.

Uh, they might get raped.

Because in the world,
they are vulnerable,

and their worst fear happened
to somebody else.

And there's empathy,
it's fear-driven...

and when you're transferred
into these alternate worlds

through true crime,

where the worst things possible
are happening,

it's both a relief,

because it takes your mind
off all your darkness inside...

and at the same time,
it's filling a fantasy

of your worst fears.

It was awesome.

- Thank you, guys.
- Thank you.

- Appreciate it.
- Can we have a picture?

- Sure.
- I'm sorry.

Big fan.

Initially, I was just a little,

um, uneasy about the fact

that I had no direct
relationship to the case.

It's the sort of thing
that's like,

"Well, why are you doing this?"

Like, "Do you know someone
who was...

Who was attacked
by this offender?" No.

But it was just, I don't know,
why do people collect,

uh, baseball cards
or model trains, you know?

It's just something that
captured my interest.

This case gave me a direction
and a focus.

Connecting with Michelle
was validating.

I was spending
ten to 15 hours a day

developing persons of interest.

Had this case not been solved,

I could have continued
doing that

for the next 20 years.

Now that the person has a face
and a name,

I guess I'm... I'm... I'm just
kind of waiting for a certain,

uh, feeling to materialize.

Sort of overwhelming waves
of feeling emotion.

Uh, and it never really happens.

Who is Joseph James DeAngelo?

The wife of
the suspected East Area Rapist

returned home only briefly
this afternoon,

driving off when she saw us
approach.

It would be living hell
to be related to this person.

Tonight,
investigators revealing new details

about what may have fueled
the rage

of accused Golden State Killer
Joseph DeAngelo.

One rape victim in 1978
describing

how her attacker sobbed
while saying,

"I hate you, Bonnie.
I hate you."

I had no idea

how much I would be involved.

The street in front of my home

was full of satellite trucks
and reporters

just waiting for me.

I had, uh, 143 phone messages

waiting on my phone.

People calling repeatedly
from NBC, ABC, CBS.

A producer from The Today Show
came day after day after day

and left notes and cards,

and "We want to interview you."

My Facebook profile photograph
wasn't protected,

so that's the photograph that
was used all over the place.

It was total invasion
of my privacy.

But I refuse to wear

the blame for a crazy man,

so I... I don't... I don't carry
the guilt for that.

But the empathy with the women
that were attacked,

and I can't...
I can't turn that off.

Applause broke out

in this Sacramento County
courtroom

after a judge ruled to begin

Joseph DeAngelo's
preliminary trial

in four months,

despite defense requests
to delay another year.

I was told by the detectives

that came to interview me
that he didn't kill from '82...

And then he killed again in '86.

And so, during that period,
I lived with him,

and then I got married
in '86 and moved away.

So...

that's the golden question,
is everybody wants to know

why he stopped.

And there's my mother.

My mother was, uh...

she was raped...

in Germany
when she was seven years old...

by two...

military...

officers or men...

in an airplane hangar.

Guess who was watching.

Uncle Joe.

He watched her getting raped.

The very thing...

that happened to my mother

is the very thing
that my uncle went

and did to other women.

I don't understand that.

How sickening is that?

Wouldn't you want to be,
like, an advocate to do good

when you see something like that
happen to your own sister?

It's just sickening.

Honestly... Oh... Oh, my God.

Thank you, guys, for staying...
Coming out so early,

for hanging out.

This was amazing.
Thank you, Paul Haynes.

Thank you, Billy Jensen.

And thank you, murderinos!

Um, this is, uh, Kris.

K-R-I-S.

And, um, and I'm
the social worker in the book.

- Oh, you are.
- Yeah.

Yes. But you're not named.
Are you okay with that?

- She used a pseu...
- You know what?

- I'm perfect.
- Okay. Good. Good.

Are you in the book as well?

- I'm number one.
- She's number one.

- Oh, my God.
- And Kris is number ten.

- God.
- And then...

And you're under pseudonyms?

- Yep.
- Yeah.

- Okay.
- And Patricia showed up tonight

and just, uh, went to
the manager of the store

and said she was a victim.

And this is
her first interaction tonight

with even,
like, meeting people that...

It's so powerful having
all the women together.

Well, this...
This has made me feel

- a thousand percent better...
- Mm-hmm.

- ...getting to see you...
- Us, too.

- Yeah.
- ...like, living

and moving around in the world
and living your...

- And strong.
- Yeah, exactly.

And we're...

I... I just feel like
we've very unified

and we do have
something in common,

but more than that,
like, we just...

- Bonded.
- We've bonded.

And so just, uh, if we're
gonna find something good

out of the bad,
we're gonna find it.

- Yeah.
- We will.

- And we are.
- Oh, God.

So you did a really
great job in finishing...

- Yeah. And we thank you.
- Thank you so much.

Thank you. Thank you.

I'm... It means everything
to get to meet you guys.

And us to meet you.

It does. I wish...

And I w... you know, I...

I wish Michelle
was hugging you guys.

I every day wish Michelle was
here to see this.

We... yeah.
I wish Michelle was here.

This would have been her glory.

Pick... Pick the Abe Lincoln
setting for Billy.

Meeting those women
up in Sacramento...

to see them there
and they're smiling

and... and... and they were like
joking with me, and, um...

They had every right
to become horrible monsters

like Joseph DeAngelo,
and they didn't.

So, them and the way
that they're living

is such a fuck-you to him.

Like, "You tried to bring
the same damage to us

that forever warped you,
and it didn't work.

And we... we've proved
that you could have chosen

to overcome this

and that's why
you can't look at us."

Fuck you, Joseph DeAngelo.

Fuck all these
fucking loser zilch assholes.

Fuck them.

It's so good to see you.

Of course! He really thinks
I don't remember them.

Are you kidding? We're like...

- Hi! Good to see you.
- How are you?

- How are you?
- Good.

- Hello. How are you?
- Hi.

I'm good.

Oh, my gosh,
it's so nice to meet you.

This is my husband, Bob.

- Hi, Bob. It's nice to meet you, too.
- Nice to meet you.

- This is Kris.
- Oh, yeah.

I just wanted
to introduce myself. I'm Linda.

- Hi. Courtney.
- Hi, Courtney. Nice to meet you.

Hi. My name's...
My name's Michelle.

Good to meet you.

And I'm number... I'm number 39.

I'm 31.

And this is my husband,
who's also 31.

Were you married then?

Mm-hmm.
And I had a three-year-old son.

- Yeah.
- And then how long did your marriage last after that?

- Seven months.
- Oh, boy.

All parties
went for death penalty.

Because I wanted him
to rot in jail, you know.

But now...

I don't think he's
gonna live that long anyway.

Nah, probably not.

I told Gay, I said,

"I hope he goes to prison
for 30 years."

Not... Don't kill him.

- Yeah.
- Let him suffer.

- Yeah, absolutely.
- Trust me, he will.

He's not gonna have
any place to hide.

I would just like
for it to be over,

and for all the convictions
to be on record,

and for him to be
out of the limelight

and where he should remain
for the rest of his life.

Yeah.

Um, I've decided to get...

a little bit of therapy
to just deal with some of the...

uh, feelings that I've developed
over this past year,

uh, things that have been
dredged up.

It's been almost a year now,
and I'm...

I'm much better in some ways.

In some ways, I'm worse.

But... I am better
in my daily life

and my ability to...

um, sleep better at night
and, uh, open the window,

wake up,
and not be certain that, uh...

death is in my home.

And, um...

it is hard for, I think,
people to understand,

although I found people here
at this gathering understand

how it doesn't go away.

I'm not gonna change my life

and give him
one more ounce of me.

And if I do, he won,
and I said I'm not doing that.

I want to be positive,
I want to show strength,

and I want to show it
to other women.

- Yes.
- And young girls.

- Yes.
- If it happens to a young girl,

report it,
don't be ashamed of it,

- own it, and move on.
- That's right.

- If you need help, get help.
- Yep.

So, I was telling her, I said...

My younger son did not want me
to be a part of these shows.

He said,
"I'm in fear of something

happening to my family."

I wrote him a letter
and I told him,

"I stayed quiet
for over 20 years."

And I said, "Today, I'm happy,

I'm healthy, I'm strong,

I'm part of the 'Me Too, '

and I have a story to tell."

And when he got the letter,
he called up and he said,

"Mom, I love you,
and I'm proud of you."

Okay, well,
has everyone got their glass?

Yep.

So, it's been four decades
since the East Area Rapist

invaded our lives...

and our bodies.

And with that...

he also invaded our sense
of security and safety.

And for me, as much as I hate
to admit it at times,

it definitely changed me.

And now, it's only been one year

since the East Area Rapist
has a face.

He can't hide
behind his mask anymore.

And he has a name.

And his name is Inmate DeAngelo.

And Inmate DeAngelo
is behind bars

and our safety
has been restored.

But something else happened...

during this year,
and that is us.

When we've met,
we've had no trouble sharing

what we couldn't share
with other people

because it comes from here
and we get it.

And we know what it means.

We're not just survivor sisters,

we are a survivor family.

- Well, said.
- And...

um, on a personal note,

I feel for the very first time

that I'm on the road
to becoming myself again.

And you are all
to thank for that.

So raise your glass

to our new extended
survivor family.

- Cheers.
- Cheers.

Great... Great job, Kris.

Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you so much.
Thank you.

- Oh, are you leaving?
- We're gonna have to go.

Okay. Yeah.
You've got vacation, huh?

The arrest of the suspect
and visiting Paris

were two lifelong dreams for me.

And somehow,
they occurred simultaneously.

We had this trip planned
for a while.

And when he was arrested,
I said...

"He's going to prison
and I'm going to Paris."

And that's...
That's a good thing.

Two days later, I found myself
walking through the Louvre

for the first time
in my whole life,

which had been a lifelong goal.

And I was just stopped
in my tracks

by this one painting.

It is a young woman
who has been left to drown

with her hands bound.

And the painting
shows her peacefully having...

given up...

just under the surface
of the water.

It just summed up
how I felt, you know,

during the event
and sometimes after.

You know,
this is what it feels like

to have everything
taken from you.

And yet, you know,
you're so close to the surface,

but you can't survive.

I think the narcotic pull for me

is what I think of
as the powerful absence

that haunts an unsolved crime.

Murderers lose their power
the moment we know them.

But he, whomever he was,
was still out there.

The hollow gap of his identity
was violently powerful to me.

But if you commit
a brutal crime and then vanish,

what you leave behind
isn't just pain,

but absence...

a great supreme blankness

that triumphs,
obscenely, it seems to me...

over everything else.

You shared so much with us,

so much of her
personal writing and thoughts.

Extraordinarily generous.

Is there something that you
were looking for in... in there

that you couldn't
look at yourself?

There were parts of her
that I didn't know about,

and I figured with talking
to other friends of hers and...

family members and people
that she worked with,

you know, even if you're
married to someone,

you don't totally
100 percent know

the other person.

It's not the whole Michelle.

It's parts of her.

I try to tell Alice
every single thing I can

about Michelle that I know.

But there's stuff I don't know.