I Spy (1965–1968): Season 1, Episode 6 - The Loser - full transcript
After Kelly and Scotty capture some heroin, the mobster wants it back, and to make certain he gets it returned, he's got a very valuable item to exchange; Scotty, who's being kept as a hostage in the dressing room of the beautiful drug addicted singer (Ms Eartha Kitt), who's working for the mobster.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Kelly.
Oh, hi, Mr. Kelly.
How are you, Kelly?
Thanks for coming.
Thanks.
Real strong game, Kel.
Thanks, Don.
I'll catch you next week.
I'll teach you to drink now, all right?
Mr. Robinson, telephone.
Punch me, and I'll catch it over here.
Hello?
Hello?
Yes, speaking.
Scotty?
Yeah, how's it going?
You all right.
Where'd you disappear to last night?
I don't know exactly.
Sorry about that.
You pretty?
No.
Say again, where are you now?
Not sure about that either.
Someplace in the new territories.
What are you doing out there?
Well, I got a tip on
another shipment of heroin.
How much?
$3 million worth, like the
one we picked up yesterday.
Didn't seem like much of a lead, though.
Didn't want to bother you with it.
Would you check it out?
Mm-hmm.
Is it genuine?
Yeah.
Well, get on back here.
Let's go to work.
I can't right now.
How come?
Well, as a matter of fact, that's
what I was calling you about.
Ran into a little trouble.
[I Spy theme playing]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
(Gunshot)
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[MUSIC PLAYING].
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[Jazz music playing]
You'll be so easy to love, so easy
to idolize all others above.
So worth the yearning for, so swell
to keep every home fire burning for.
We'd be so grand at the game, so carefree
together that it does seem a shame.
But you can't see your future with
me, 'cause we'd be oh, so easy to love.
You'd be so easy to
love, so easy to idolize.
all others above.
So worth the yearning for, so swell
to keep every home fire burning for.
We'd be so grand at the
game, so carefree together
that it does seem a shame.
But you can't see your future with
me, 'cause we'd be oh, so easy to love.
[CHATTER]
[cars honking]
[CHATTER]
Jimmy?
Jimmy?
I'm in the back.
Jim?
What's up?
I got a return of package, something
Scotty and I confiscated yesterday.
I got to give it back.
Unfortunately, the package
doesn't exist anymore.
It's been destroyed.
So we got to fake it.
What's in the package?
Flour, raw sugar, whatever
I can find, rice maybe.
How far you want to follow it?
As far as it goes.
Then it explodes at the radio signal?
No, no, not this time.
My instructions are to dump it off the
back of the hydrofoil tomorrow morning.
I just want it to float.
You just want it to float.
Jimmy, this is the most important
thing you've ever built for us.
If it isn't perfect, there isn't
going to be any more us.
Down to the last detail, it's got to be
large enough to float with a 200 pound load.
Strong enough to take a
pony, yet so innocent looking,
you'd pass it on the street 100 times
and never even notice that it was there.
And I need it by tomorrow morning.
I know, I know, it sounds impossible.
Can you do it?
Like this?
Well, yeah.
Sometimes I think I ought to take sides.
[MUSIC PLAYING].
Pardon me, miss.
I seem to be having a little
trouble with the laces here.
I wonder if you could show me
something a little less severe.
How about something
a couple of sizes larger?
Huh?
Please?
How about something basic black,
a single strand of pearls, all right?
I don't like it either.
Of course I love the way
you've done the room, though.
[MUSIC PLAYING].
Listen, Angel, I'm dying.
Oh, no jokes now, come on.
Just cut the laces in the back.
Nobody will know the difference.
Come on, will you?
How'd you know my name?
What?
My name, I don't know you.
Angel, Angel, please, don't go.
Is that your name, Angel?
I don't know you.
I don't want to know you.
Listen, how could I hurt you?
Like a bug in a pen.
I don't know nothing, I don't see nothing.
I'm late.
Angel, wait, listen,
that's a beautiful name.
How'd you get a name like that?
I took it.
From the movies.
Yeah, that's right.
Listen, you were in the movies.
I knew I'd seen you somewhere.
You were in the movies, weren't you?
Almost.
[DOOR OPENS]
[DOOR CLOSES].
Well, let's show biz.
[FIRE CRACKLING].
[MUSIC PLAYING]
I'm feeling mighty lonesome,
haven't slept a wink.
And in between I drink black coffee.
Love's a hand-me-down room.
Well, I'll never know
Sunday in this wicked room.
[Trumpet Playing]
I'm talking to the shadows
from 1 o'clock to 4.
And Lord, how slow the moments.
[Piano Playing]
Well, I'll never know--
[Piano and Bass Playing]
[Trumpet Playing]
My, and it is so nice to see you.
[Trumpet Playing]
A woman's born to...
Manolo, let's go.
--to go 11.
A woman's born to weep and pray.
To stay at home and tend her oven.
And drown her past regrets.
Coffee and cigarettes.
I'm mooning in the morning.
Mooning all the night.
And in between it's nicotine.
And not much heart to fight.
[Music]
Well, I'll never know
a... Oh, man, I... [Music]
(Jazz Music)
Manolo.
All right, let's try it.
Once more, without any jokes. No jokes.
I told you it's a little...
I'm afraid your partner, he's
gonna try to get clever with you.
I don't see how.
All he has to do is
drop the package off the
side of the hydrofoil
on the way to Macau.
Now, there's no way he can
follow unless he's some kind of fish.
Manolo!
You see, you're trying to
get smart with me, huh?
And your partner, your partner's
gonna try to get smart too, huh?
We better send you a note.
Make sure everybody shows a tape.
A little note, something from
you, personal, you know?
All trainees custom for ransom notes.
You got two ears, don't you?
You don't need them both.
Manolo.
Get out!
You get out of here and get back to work!
I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't.
Out!
Ramon, look at me, Ramon.
Look at me.
I don't wanna look at
you, you're making me sick.
I've been singing all day,
Ramon, please, please.
You promised to sing good!
I wanna sing good,
but I can't sing like this.
Just give me a chip, let me go
downstairs to the room, please.
All the good girls need
a chip to that room.
I wanna be good, Ramon, but I can't.
I can't sing like this, please.
You can't sing at all, you sing lousy.
I think I'll find somebody that sings good.
I think I'll get rid of you.
You wanna be by yourself out in the street?
No, no, no.
Nobody to look after you?
Well, then you get out of here.
And get back and sing a song nice.
I got business here.
Now get out.
I can't.
I can't.
All right.
Then you watch.
You watch what happens to
people that get smart with me.
General Chu, he say right away.
What?
Downstairs, he say now.
General Chu.
Manolo.
I see you both in a few minutes.
Angel.
Angel, I got a painkiller
in my belt, you can have it.
What?
Strong enough to give a man with a
whole cleareth room an extra half hour.
It's in my belt.
You better untie the laces.
Come on.
Angel.
Come on, in my belt.
Come on, in my belt.
General.
Speak English.
Chinese or French?
I don't understand Spanish.
English, please.
One of the others.
Son.
It goes well.
The package will be delivered to us.
I will deliver it.
This responsibility is his.
If he doesn't teach you, he will
never have this responsibility.
You mean the package
will deliver to you, not to us.
It was your responsibility.
It is not returned.
My General instruct me to tell you.
You have no more
responsibilities of any kind.
But the American is here.
There's nothing to be disturbed about.
Ramon, you disturb me.
You overcomplicate.
You state your child is dramatic.
That disturbs me.
General, I have everything under control.
How can I make my General mind at ease?
I will do it simply.
Let's kill him.
Now.
How do you feel?
It didn't help much.
Who is he?
You're going to waste it on him?
Yes.
Go easy on that stuff.
It's enough to kill an elephant.
I was going to do it for you.
I've seen it before.
Come on, get out of here
before that guy comes.
He's not coming.
The guy is dead. Do you understand?
Do you understand? The guy is dead.
You're in this with me
whether you like it or not.
He's dead.
I didn't do anything.
Oh, yeah? Well, you turn me loose.
That's all Ramona care about.
Listen to me.
Listen to me. Can you think like this?
Are you all right?
Leave me alone.
I can't. I need you.
I can't do this thing without you.
Now, if you vote on me
now, we're both dead.
Ramona will walk on both of us.
She's not an originality.
Listen, what are these for?
The orange chips. Where did you get those?
What are they for?
The room.
Where?
Down the back stairs.
And who goes in the room?
Customers that play the
right combination at the table.
They get the orange chips
and they're getting at the door.
Is there a way out of the room?
No. Only the way you come in.
We can hide there.
No, the guy at the door's
got to know your face.
Well, I haven't got time for that.
You better think of a bright idea.
A quick hot shot.
As far as bright ideas
go, I think it stinks.
What's the matter? Did you ever
see a chorus girl pop out of a cake?
You haven't got a figure for it.
You get killed.
I dance pretty good, Jimmy.
Let's try the lid again.
I have a friend who's a pole bearer.
I'll send him along.
I'll send him along.
♪ (jaunty music).
- Where's Mano?
- Mano left.
- Where is Mano?
- Mano's...
- Look at me.
When I left you were thin.
Now where did you get it?
- Um, Mano had a little bit left over.
- He's not supposed to
give you any, unless I say.
- Just this one tray. It wasn't much.
♪ (jaunty music)
- You see, General? (laughs)
Neat and clean!
Tomorrow morning we make the pickup,
it goes over the side to feed the sharks!
- Not tomorrow, today! Now!
- Wow!
- Stupid fool, you have an incinerator?
Burn it!
(laughs) - All right!
♪ (jaunty music)
(door closes).
♪ (jaunty music)
- Well, so much for that bright idea.
Come on, we gotta make a run for it.
♪ (jaunty music)
(speaking in Chinese)
♪ (jaunty music)
- Tell them to remove
everything from the party.
They will not burn.
(speaking in Chinese).
♪ (jaunty music).
(footsteps)
- Uff!
(footsteps)
♪ (jaunty music).
- Mr. Ramon, did Mano come back that way?
- No, not through here.
- Are you sure? - Yeah, I'm sure.
- Ask your friend.
- You see Mano?
- No, I hear him in the driveway.
- All right, come on both of
you, come on back this way.
- Okay, he wants to go there.
- They're coming!
- Manolo?
Manolo?
- We gotta go back!
- Manolo? Manolo?
♪ (jaunty music)
Manolo?
(footsteps)
Manolo?
(footsteps)
♪ (jaunty music)
(speaking in Chinese)
(door opens)
- Is this the place?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Hi there, how you doing?
Nice to see you again, huh?
You remember me from last year, right?
No? Oh, well maybe it was another guy.
I was here though.
I think you have a reservation for me.
Name's Loser, Honor Loser, from Philadelphia,
men's and ladies' undergarments.
Huh? Right? Nothing, okay.
Oh look, I never forget a head
waiter, and how about these?
Mean anything to you?
You don't have to give
us anything in the front.
You can give us something off to the side.
Two small chairs behind a small bush.
How about something in the cloakroom?
Huh?
Uh-oh, well... That's all right,
we don't want anything anyway.
We'll go down to the corner
beanery and get a hamburger.
(footsteps).
Actually, I wasn't hungry anyway.
- You want to go in?
- Let him.
- That's right.
(laughing)
You want to go in?
Go ahead, smart fella.
Give him a chip.
Go ahead, give him a chip.
(knocking at door)
♪ (dramatic music)
♪ (dramatic music)
(door creaking)
♪ (dramatic music).
Nope.
Not you.
You stay here.
Why go in, smart boy?
♪ (dramatic music)
(door opens).
No thanks, I'm driving.
♪ (dramatic music)
♪ (dramatic music).
(engine rumbling).
(engine rumbling)
(engine rumbling)
(engine rumbling)
(engine rumbling)
(engine rumbling)
(engine rumbling)
(engine rumbling)
(engine rumbling)
(engine rumbling)
(engine rumbling)
(engine rumbling)
(engine rumbling)
(engine rumbling)
(hissing).
(hissing).
(hissing)
(hissing)
(hissing)
(hissing)
(splash)
(hissing)
(hissing)
(hissing)
(hissing)
(hissing)
- Close the door.
Easy, easy.
Right.
Watch out now.
Take another.
- Who's there?
(clattering).
- Somebody give me a hand.
- Give him a hand.
- Well, you can't figure everything.
My legs have gone to sleep.
- Help him up.
- Oh!
Thanks, fellas.
- You're probably all wondering.
(clattering).
(clattering).
(door slams).
- Well, here's another fine
mess you've gotten me into.
- Sorry about that, Ollie.
You can't do anything right, can you?
- My legs want to sleep.
- Your legs want to sleep.
Your legs want to sleep.
I wish you wouldn't keep saying that.
- So they went to
sleep, the legs, did they?
- You say that one more time
and I'll punch you right in the mouth.
- Go ahead, go ahead.
Take your best shot.
- I did it, untie my hands.
- I'll untie your hands
if you untie mine first.
- I thought so, you're afraid of me.
- I'm not afraid of you.
I just don't want to hit a man whose
legs go to sleep on him, that's all.
- Well, if that were your
pretty head, just untie me.
Come on.
(lock clicking).
- You better hurry, though.
I think my punching arm's gone to sleep.
- Well, I'll tell you what,
why don't you take a nap
all over and I'll wake
you if anything happens.
♪ Going crazy ♪
♪ Here ♪
♪ Fly like wine ♪
♪ I think I'm ready ♪
♪ For my ♪.
♪ Love ♪.
- Ramon?
- Yes, Angel?
(plate clatters).
- I sang good.
(plate clatters)
- You sang good.
- Then will you phone
in a vote for me, please?
I can use it now.
- Sure you can.
There's never a time you can't, is there?
- It's... It's been a long time.
I need it now.
- Not yet.
(silence)
- Please, Ramon.
- Not yet.
Go back and sing some more.
(silence).
♪ Fly like wine ♪.
♪ It's sweet and heavy ♪.
Pfft!
This is the last time I'm ever
gonna get you out of trouble.
The last time!
I'm afraid you're right.
Ramon.
Cat's name is Ramon.
He runs the joint?
Yeah.
Whole world is just junkie.
Well, we'll keep him in mind.
I'll keep him in mind for both of us.
And there's a girl.
What girl?
What's her name?
Angel.
Yeah, she would be.
You managed to get her under your skin.
No, no, no.
She doesn't mean anything to me.
Nothing but just a dumb,
funky loser, that's all.
So?
So, I come from a long line of losers.
Whenever I see one, it hurts.
Get off me!
You all right?
Hi.
Hi there.
Welcome to our bag.
It is much, but we call it home.
You're a kook.
Have no fear, Annie.
Punjab, and he asked for here to save you.
It's my man.
Hi, Angel.
Don't worry.
We've been the worst fixers than this.
Oh, yeah?
Well, they're gonna dump
us in the ocean tonight.
I'm not kidding. They're gonna kill us.
Well, we got a few
tricks left in our pockets.
Yeah, if we could just reach our pockets.
Will you stop fooling
around with me, please?
You got me into this mess.
If there's a way out, you gotta tell me.
Well, what do you want to know?
Well, what are you?
Some kind of government agent or what?
Well, we were...
until we found out what was in
the package and what it was worth.
You got a big mouth, pal.
Well, listen, man. The ball game is over.
Listen, Angel.
Our superiors never even
knew what was in the package.
So we figured it was worth the risk.
We don't make the greatest
salaries in the world, you know.
You kept it? You never checked it in?
It's a half mile from here.
You can still get it?
I can, yeah.
I know where it is. He doesn't.
That's why he came after me to help me.
Ramona make a deal. Talk to him.
Well, we gotta do something.
You want me to talk to
him or do you want to?
He's desperate.
You pay anything, you'll do anything.
I got a better idea.
Your hands are free. Untie me.
We tried that before, remember?
Look at me. I said look at me!
He didn't give you very much, did he?
Just enough. Just a taste.
I don't know what you're talking about.
You know what I'm talking about.
Let's cut out the con, the
games and the conversation.
All right?
Now, you got the answers
that Ramona wanted to hear.
We've got the package, right?
And we know where it is.
Now, we'll lead him to it if he can follow
us long enough and well enough, right?
So, that's the play.
Now, you untie us so we can escape, right?
So, let's get on with it.
I don't know what you're so mad about.
Neither do I.
So, we put him on a leash, my General.
And if the leash is
strong enough, eventually,
they will lead us
where we want them to.
The leash will not break.
Nobody will ever break this leash.
So, she is untying him.
Now, we wait.
Where did you get that key?
It's part of the game.
Ramon planted it on me.
You can't very well escape without a key.
Well, Angel, it's been nice knowing you.
Aren't you going to take me with you?
You're supposed to go with us, too, huh?
Ramon didn't miss a trick.
He'll kill me.
He'll give you a bonus.
Please.
Please take me with you.
I can't do that, Angel.
You'd sell out your own mother.
What do you know about it, anyway?
Who cares about you?
You don't mean anything to me.
I'm only trying to save my own neck around here.
You're the one that put it in a noose.
Scotty, make up your mind.
Scotty?
(man speaking in foreign language)
(gentle music)
(man speaking in foreign language)
(man speaking in foreign language)
(man speaking in foreign language)
(man speaking in foreign language)
(man speaking in foreign language)
(upbeat music)
(upbeat music)
(man screams)
(man speaking in foreign language)
- What'd you tell him?
- I told him I just ran into 27 Moss Road.
Up on the roof.
- What is it?
- It's a lady's bathhouse.
Should be interesting.
- All right.
Let's go put in a couple of phone
calls to the cops and go watch the fun.
- Yeah, listen, you make
the phone call, will you?
- Okay.
You need that?
- No.
- Let me have it.
- You're kidding.
I gotta get her out, Kelly.
- You don't have to do that.
- I still owe you a punch in
the mouth if you want it now.
(upbeat music)
(upbeat music)
- Well, you know what number one
son always said in "Charlie Chan"?
- What's that?
- You'll never think of
looking for us here, Pop.
- Number one son was always wrong.
- You had to bring that up.
- How's the game going?
- Fourth down, goal to go our ball,
and they're still running
around in that bathhouse.
- How can you tell?
- 'Cause I just heard a lady scream.
- Can I apologize?
- No.
- Class.
(people chattering)
(upbeat music)
- Hello.
Hello.
- Hi.
- My name Lily, this is my Tom Barbara.
- That's marvelous.
- Yeah.
What are your names?
- Oh, well, this is Lee,
and my name is Wong.
- Giving up the bathhouse,
they're on their way back here.
- Oh, beautiful.
- Thank you.
You wanna dance?
- Why, you betcha I said we would.
Wonderful.
(upbeat music)
- How's our team doing?
- Well, three of them
are on their way over here
to the showers, the others
are covering the field.
- Great.
Afraid our boys might be outnumbered.
- We may be small,
but we got a lot of heart.
- Yeah, we're doing our brains.
- Too good.
- You're so funny.
- Oh, he's a laugh, right?
You ought to see him with a lampshade.
Ah, girls, listen, would
you wait for us at a table?
Now, we have to go and powder our noses.
If we're not back in five
minutes, you start without us.
- When the cops come in on the
front door, Harvey's coming in the back,
we got five minutes,
maybe more, maybe less.
- I've always admired your sense of timing.
- We'll make it.
- That's what number one
son used to always say.
(door knocking)
(buzzing)
- Put that gun away.
- There's no guns in here.
- I told you.
(upbeat music)
- Come on out, Ramon.
- Somebody else up in the
room with a two-way radio.
Just call that the whole
team on the double.
- Whoopee, it's a party.
Whoever's in that
office, get 'em out of here.
Get 'em out of here, Ramon, now.
- All right, all right,
you two clever fellas.
(laughing)
Come on out, come on out.
- Well, yeah, come on out, General.
That means business.
Now, what can Ramon do for you?
- Ramon, if there's
any trouble, you go first.
I guarantee it.
- I believe you.
- Go ahead, Scotty.
(gentle music)
- Oh, man, come on.
I haven't gone in 10 minutes.
- Angel, let's go.
- There you are.
Bad penny.
- We'll get your things together.
- What?
- I'm taking you out of here.
- Where?
- Where you belong, huh?
(gentle music)
- Back to the States?
- Anywhere but this.
- Anywhere?
Where's anywhere?
What do you mean?
- Come on, honey.
We gotta get out of here
before the rest of 'em get back.
- The rest of what?
What are you talking about?
What do you mean?
- Look, I haven't got
time to talk to you now.
Come on, we gotta get out of here.
The whole world's breathing down our necks.
(gentle music)
- Hey, what is this?
Come out of here.
Leave me alone.
- That what you came back for?
- Angel, what's the matter with you?
They came back to save you,
and you better listen to them.
(laughing)
- What are they, crazy or what?
- Well, they're just nice boys, Angel.
- Hold it!
Drop 'em.
Drop 'em!
- Now, hold everything.
Everything is under control here, boys.
Now, stay still.
- We're cutting it a little thin, Scotty.
(gentle music).
- There you go.
She's free.
Go ahead, Angel.
Have some fun.
Take a vacation, even.
Even get yourself a new life.
(laughs)
- I got a life.
Where?
Home.
That's what I need.
- Angel.
- I'll give you that,
Angel, but... Home.
Eight people sleeping in a room
and a garbage out in the hallway.
If you call that home, you can have it.
Hey, Ramon!
Isn't he beautiful?
(laughs)
Why don't we all get married
and settle down with the chickens?
(laughs)
(gentle music).
There's someone who needs me.
I know he knocks me around a bit,
but I know what's happening with him.
I know where I stand.
Not like you, some kind
of weird old boy scout.
(laughs).
- Scotty.
- Your arms are all full of holes.
- Everybody's got his bag, man.
That's mine.
- Well, listen.
Ramon is through.
He's finished, as of now.
- There were three Ramons before him.
I guess there'll be another one.
Listen, you dummy.
I got three squares and a place to sleep.
I pay my dues, that's it.
There ain't no more.
Don't make no difference.
It's all the same, anywhere.
I know 'cause I've been there.
So long, hotshot.
Sorry to have caused you so much trouble...
but don't get killed on the way out.
- What's the matter, smart fella?
She doesn't wanna get sick.
(laughs)
Those are those ladies for you.
You're a poor loser, friend.
- Right.
(dramatic music)
- Hold it, hold it!
Go around front, when I come out, kill them.
-Cop! -Shut up!
Shut up and listen.
I want you to close everything up.
Close, send everybody home,
and close the place up, all right?
I can't.
What do you mean you can't?
Come on, let's go!
Come on!
(policemen shouting)
Are you all right?
(blues music)
I'd like to have two houses and a hotel.
And Marvin Gardens.
(SIGHS)
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
Parts 2750, school will rental
$5, deposit 15, that leaves 10,
and 20% off on all goods
returned in good condition.
You gave us 30% last time.
20%! I'm cutting to the bone, Kelly!
Make it into a submarine, sell it to
your wonderful Russian clients, 30% off.
All right, 25%. I can't stand haggling.
You can't stand haggling, you're
going to watch him like a hawk.
Hang in there, Tiger, you got
him right where he wants you.
Don't be so smart.
How come I always have to do this?
Because you're better
at it than I am, that's why.
Listen, you start prowling away at
him and he's helpless, right, Jimmy?
As a businessman, he makes a wonderful spy.
Labor is 13 hours, $1,000 an
hour, $130... It's a half-hour lunch.
A sandwich and... [Music].
Kelly.
Oh, hi, Mr. Kelly.
How are you, Kelly?
Thanks for coming.
Thanks.
Real strong game, Kel.
Thanks, Don.
I'll catch you next week.
I'll teach you to drink now, all right?
Mr. Robinson, telephone.
Punch me, and I'll catch it over here.
Hello?
Hello?
Yes, speaking.
Scotty?
Yeah, how's it going?
You all right.
Where'd you disappear to last night?
I don't know exactly.
Sorry about that.
You pretty?
No.
Say again, where are you now?
Not sure about that either.
Someplace in the new territories.
What are you doing out there?
Well, I got a tip on
another shipment of heroin.
How much?
$3 million worth, like the
one we picked up yesterday.
Didn't seem like much of a lead, though.
Didn't want to bother you with it.
Would you check it out?
Mm-hmm.
Is it genuine?
Yeah.
Well, get on back here.
Let's go to work.
I can't right now.
How come?
Well, as a matter of fact, that's
what I was calling you about.
Ran into a little trouble.
[I Spy theme playing]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
(Gunshot)
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[MUSIC PLAYING].
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[Jazz music playing]
You'll be so easy to love, so easy
to idolize all others above.
So worth the yearning for, so swell
to keep every home fire burning for.
We'd be so grand at the game, so carefree
together that it does seem a shame.
But you can't see your future with
me, 'cause we'd be oh, so easy to love.
You'd be so easy to
love, so easy to idolize.
all others above.
So worth the yearning for, so swell
to keep every home fire burning for.
We'd be so grand at the
game, so carefree together
that it does seem a shame.
But you can't see your future with
me, 'cause we'd be oh, so easy to love.
[CHATTER]
[cars honking]
[CHATTER]
Jimmy?
Jimmy?
I'm in the back.
Jim?
What's up?
I got a return of package, something
Scotty and I confiscated yesterday.
I got to give it back.
Unfortunately, the package
doesn't exist anymore.
It's been destroyed.
So we got to fake it.
What's in the package?
Flour, raw sugar, whatever
I can find, rice maybe.
How far you want to follow it?
As far as it goes.
Then it explodes at the radio signal?
No, no, not this time.
My instructions are to dump it off the
back of the hydrofoil tomorrow morning.
I just want it to float.
You just want it to float.
Jimmy, this is the most important
thing you've ever built for us.
If it isn't perfect, there isn't
going to be any more us.
Down to the last detail, it's got to be
large enough to float with a 200 pound load.
Strong enough to take a
pony, yet so innocent looking,
you'd pass it on the street 100 times
and never even notice that it was there.
And I need it by tomorrow morning.
I know, I know, it sounds impossible.
Can you do it?
Like this?
Well, yeah.
Sometimes I think I ought to take sides.
[MUSIC PLAYING].
Pardon me, miss.
I seem to be having a little
trouble with the laces here.
I wonder if you could show me
something a little less severe.
How about something
a couple of sizes larger?
Huh?
Please?
How about something basic black,
a single strand of pearls, all right?
I don't like it either.
Of course I love the way
you've done the room, though.
[MUSIC PLAYING].
Listen, Angel, I'm dying.
Oh, no jokes now, come on.
Just cut the laces in the back.
Nobody will know the difference.
Come on, will you?
How'd you know my name?
What?
My name, I don't know you.
Angel, Angel, please, don't go.
Is that your name, Angel?
I don't know you.
I don't want to know you.
Listen, how could I hurt you?
Like a bug in a pen.
I don't know nothing, I don't see nothing.
I'm late.
Angel, wait, listen,
that's a beautiful name.
How'd you get a name like that?
I took it.
From the movies.
Yeah, that's right.
Listen, you were in the movies.
I knew I'd seen you somewhere.
You were in the movies, weren't you?
Almost.
[DOOR OPENS]
[DOOR CLOSES].
Well, let's show biz.
[FIRE CRACKLING].
[MUSIC PLAYING]
I'm feeling mighty lonesome,
haven't slept a wink.
And in between I drink black coffee.
Love's a hand-me-down room.
Well, I'll never know
Sunday in this wicked room.
[Trumpet Playing]
I'm talking to the shadows
from 1 o'clock to 4.
And Lord, how slow the moments.
[Piano Playing]
Well, I'll never know--
[Piano and Bass Playing]
[Trumpet Playing]
My, and it is so nice to see you.
[Trumpet Playing]
A woman's born to...
Manolo, let's go.
--to go 11.
A woman's born to weep and pray.
To stay at home and tend her oven.
And drown her past regrets.
Coffee and cigarettes.
I'm mooning in the morning.
Mooning all the night.
And in between it's nicotine.
And not much heart to fight.
[Music]
Well, I'll never know
a... Oh, man, I... [Music]
(Jazz Music)
Manolo.
All right, let's try it.
Once more, without any jokes. No jokes.
I told you it's a little...
I'm afraid your partner, he's
gonna try to get clever with you.
I don't see how.
All he has to do is
drop the package off the
side of the hydrofoil
on the way to Macau.
Now, there's no way he can
follow unless he's some kind of fish.
Manolo!
You see, you're trying to
get smart with me, huh?
And your partner, your partner's
gonna try to get smart too, huh?
We better send you a note.
Make sure everybody shows a tape.
A little note, something from
you, personal, you know?
All trainees custom for ransom notes.
You got two ears, don't you?
You don't need them both.
Manolo.
Get out!
You get out of here and get back to work!
I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't.
Out!
Ramon, look at me, Ramon.
Look at me.
I don't wanna look at
you, you're making me sick.
I've been singing all day,
Ramon, please, please.
You promised to sing good!
I wanna sing good,
but I can't sing like this.
Just give me a chip, let me go
downstairs to the room, please.
All the good girls need
a chip to that room.
I wanna be good, Ramon, but I can't.
I can't sing like this, please.
You can't sing at all, you sing lousy.
I think I'll find somebody that sings good.
I think I'll get rid of you.
You wanna be by yourself out in the street?
No, no, no.
Nobody to look after you?
Well, then you get out of here.
And get back and sing a song nice.
I got business here.
Now get out.
I can't.
I can't.
All right.
Then you watch.
You watch what happens to
people that get smart with me.
General Chu, he say right away.
What?
Downstairs, he say now.
General Chu.
Manolo.
I see you both in a few minutes.
Angel.
Angel, I got a painkiller
in my belt, you can have it.
What?
Strong enough to give a man with a
whole cleareth room an extra half hour.
It's in my belt.
You better untie the laces.
Come on.
Angel.
Come on, in my belt.
Come on, in my belt.
General.
Speak English.
Chinese or French?
I don't understand Spanish.
English, please.
One of the others.
Son.
It goes well.
The package will be delivered to us.
I will deliver it.
This responsibility is his.
If he doesn't teach you, he will
never have this responsibility.
You mean the package
will deliver to you, not to us.
It was your responsibility.
It is not returned.
My General instruct me to tell you.
You have no more
responsibilities of any kind.
But the American is here.
There's nothing to be disturbed about.
Ramon, you disturb me.
You overcomplicate.
You state your child is dramatic.
That disturbs me.
General, I have everything under control.
How can I make my General mind at ease?
I will do it simply.
Let's kill him.
Now.
How do you feel?
It didn't help much.
Who is he?
You're going to waste it on him?
Yes.
Go easy on that stuff.
It's enough to kill an elephant.
I was going to do it for you.
I've seen it before.
Come on, get out of here
before that guy comes.
He's not coming.
The guy is dead. Do you understand?
Do you understand? The guy is dead.
You're in this with me
whether you like it or not.
He's dead.
I didn't do anything.
Oh, yeah? Well, you turn me loose.
That's all Ramona care about.
Listen to me.
Listen to me. Can you think like this?
Are you all right?
Leave me alone.
I can't. I need you.
I can't do this thing without you.
Now, if you vote on me
now, we're both dead.
Ramona will walk on both of us.
She's not an originality.
Listen, what are these for?
The orange chips. Where did you get those?
What are they for?
The room.
Where?
Down the back stairs.
And who goes in the room?
Customers that play the
right combination at the table.
They get the orange chips
and they're getting at the door.
Is there a way out of the room?
No. Only the way you come in.
We can hide there.
No, the guy at the door's
got to know your face.
Well, I haven't got time for that.
You better think of a bright idea.
A quick hot shot.
As far as bright ideas
go, I think it stinks.
What's the matter? Did you ever
see a chorus girl pop out of a cake?
You haven't got a figure for it.
You get killed.
I dance pretty good, Jimmy.
Let's try the lid again.
I have a friend who's a pole bearer.
I'll send him along.
I'll send him along.
♪ (jaunty music).
- Where's Mano?
- Mano left.
- Where is Mano?
- Mano's...
- Look at me.
When I left you were thin.
Now where did you get it?
- Um, Mano had a little bit left over.
- He's not supposed to
give you any, unless I say.
- Just this one tray. It wasn't much.
♪ (jaunty music)
- You see, General? (laughs)
Neat and clean!
Tomorrow morning we make the pickup,
it goes over the side to feed the sharks!
- Not tomorrow, today! Now!
- Wow!
- Stupid fool, you have an incinerator?
Burn it!
(laughs) - All right!
♪ (jaunty music)
(door closes).
♪ (jaunty music)
- Well, so much for that bright idea.
Come on, we gotta make a run for it.
♪ (jaunty music)
(speaking in Chinese)
♪ (jaunty music)
- Tell them to remove
everything from the party.
They will not burn.
(speaking in Chinese).
♪ (jaunty music).
(footsteps)
- Uff!
(footsteps)
♪ (jaunty music).
- Mr. Ramon, did Mano come back that way?
- No, not through here.
- Are you sure? - Yeah, I'm sure.
- Ask your friend.
- You see Mano?
- No, I hear him in the driveway.
- All right, come on both of
you, come on back this way.
- Okay, he wants to go there.
- They're coming!
- Manolo?
Manolo?
- We gotta go back!
- Manolo? Manolo?
♪ (jaunty music)
Manolo?
(footsteps)
Manolo?
(footsteps)
♪ (jaunty music)
(speaking in Chinese)
(door opens)
- Is this the place?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Hi there, how you doing?
Nice to see you again, huh?
You remember me from last year, right?
No? Oh, well maybe it was another guy.
I was here though.
I think you have a reservation for me.
Name's Loser, Honor Loser, from Philadelphia,
men's and ladies' undergarments.
Huh? Right? Nothing, okay.
Oh look, I never forget a head
waiter, and how about these?
Mean anything to you?
You don't have to give
us anything in the front.
You can give us something off to the side.
Two small chairs behind a small bush.
How about something in the cloakroom?
Huh?
Uh-oh, well... That's all right,
we don't want anything anyway.
We'll go down to the corner
beanery and get a hamburger.
(footsteps).
Actually, I wasn't hungry anyway.
- You want to go in?
- Let him.
- That's right.
(laughing)
You want to go in?
Go ahead, smart fella.
Give him a chip.
Go ahead, give him a chip.
(knocking at door)
♪ (dramatic music)
♪ (dramatic music)
(door creaking)
♪ (dramatic music).
Nope.
Not you.
You stay here.
Why go in, smart boy?
♪ (dramatic music)
(door opens).
No thanks, I'm driving.
♪ (dramatic music)
♪ (dramatic music).
(engine rumbling).
(engine rumbling)
(engine rumbling)
(engine rumbling)
(engine rumbling)
(engine rumbling)
(engine rumbling)
(engine rumbling)
(engine rumbling)
(engine rumbling)
(engine rumbling)
(engine rumbling)
(engine rumbling)
(engine rumbling)
(hissing).
(hissing).
(hissing)
(hissing)
(hissing)
(hissing)
(splash)
(hissing)
(hissing)
(hissing)
(hissing)
(hissing)
- Close the door.
Easy, easy.
Right.
Watch out now.
Take another.
- Who's there?
(clattering).
- Somebody give me a hand.
- Give him a hand.
- Well, you can't figure everything.
My legs have gone to sleep.
- Help him up.
- Oh!
Thanks, fellas.
- You're probably all wondering.
(clattering).
(clattering).
(door slams).
- Well, here's another fine
mess you've gotten me into.
- Sorry about that, Ollie.
You can't do anything right, can you?
- My legs want to sleep.
- Your legs want to sleep.
Your legs want to sleep.
I wish you wouldn't keep saying that.
- So they went to
sleep, the legs, did they?
- You say that one more time
and I'll punch you right in the mouth.
- Go ahead, go ahead.
Take your best shot.
- I did it, untie my hands.
- I'll untie your hands
if you untie mine first.
- I thought so, you're afraid of me.
- I'm not afraid of you.
I just don't want to hit a man whose
legs go to sleep on him, that's all.
- Well, if that were your
pretty head, just untie me.
Come on.
(lock clicking).
- You better hurry, though.
I think my punching arm's gone to sleep.
- Well, I'll tell you what,
why don't you take a nap
all over and I'll wake
you if anything happens.
♪ Going crazy ♪
♪ Here ♪
♪ Fly like wine ♪
♪ I think I'm ready ♪
♪ For my ♪.
♪ Love ♪.
- Ramon?
- Yes, Angel?
(plate clatters).
- I sang good.
(plate clatters)
- You sang good.
- Then will you phone
in a vote for me, please?
I can use it now.
- Sure you can.
There's never a time you can't, is there?
- It's... It's been a long time.
I need it now.
- Not yet.
(silence)
- Please, Ramon.
- Not yet.
Go back and sing some more.
(silence).
♪ Fly like wine ♪.
♪ It's sweet and heavy ♪.
Pfft!
This is the last time I'm ever
gonna get you out of trouble.
The last time!
I'm afraid you're right.
Ramon.
Cat's name is Ramon.
He runs the joint?
Yeah.
Whole world is just junkie.
Well, we'll keep him in mind.
I'll keep him in mind for both of us.
And there's a girl.
What girl?
What's her name?
Angel.
Yeah, she would be.
You managed to get her under your skin.
No, no, no.
She doesn't mean anything to me.
Nothing but just a dumb,
funky loser, that's all.
So?
So, I come from a long line of losers.
Whenever I see one, it hurts.
Get off me!
You all right?
Hi.
Hi there.
Welcome to our bag.
It is much, but we call it home.
You're a kook.
Have no fear, Annie.
Punjab, and he asked for here to save you.
It's my man.
Hi, Angel.
Don't worry.
We've been the worst fixers than this.
Oh, yeah?
Well, they're gonna dump
us in the ocean tonight.
I'm not kidding. They're gonna kill us.
Well, we got a few
tricks left in our pockets.
Yeah, if we could just reach our pockets.
Will you stop fooling
around with me, please?
You got me into this mess.
If there's a way out, you gotta tell me.
Well, what do you want to know?
Well, what are you?
Some kind of government agent or what?
Well, we were...
until we found out what was in
the package and what it was worth.
You got a big mouth, pal.
Well, listen, man. The ball game is over.
Listen, Angel.
Our superiors never even
knew what was in the package.
So we figured it was worth the risk.
We don't make the greatest
salaries in the world, you know.
You kept it? You never checked it in?
It's a half mile from here.
You can still get it?
I can, yeah.
I know where it is. He doesn't.
That's why he came after me to help me.
Ramona make a deal. Talk to him.
Well, we gotta do something.
You want me to talk to
him or do you want to?
He's desperate.
You pay anything, you'll do anything.
I got a better idea.
Your hands are free. Untie me.
We tried that before, remember?
Look at me. I said look at me!
He didn't give you very much, did he?
Just enough. Just a taste.
I don't know what you're talking about.
You know what I'm talking about.
Let's cut out the con, the
games and the conversation.
All right?
Now, you got the answers
that Ramona wanted to hear.
We've got the package, right?
And we know where it is.
Now, we'll lead him to it if he can follow
us long enough and well enough, right?
So, that's the play.
Now, you untie us so we can escape, right?
So, let's get on with it.
I don't know what you're so mad about.
Neither do I.
So, we put him on a leash, my General.
And if the leash is
strong enough, eventually,
they will lead us
where we want them to.
The leash will not break.
Nobody will ever break this leash.
So, she is untying him.
Now, we wait.
Where did you get that key?
It's part of the game.
Ramon planted it on me.
You can't very well escape without a key.
Well, Angel, it's been nice knowing you.
Aren't you going to take me with you?
You're supposed to go with us, too, huh?
Ramon didn't miss a trick.
He'll kill me.
He'll give you a bonus.
Please.
Please take me with you.
I can't do that, Angel.
You'd sell out your own mother.
What do you know about it, anyway?
Who cares about you?
You don't mean anything to me.
I'm only trying to save my own neck around here.
You're the one that put it in a noose.
Scotty, make up your mind.
Scotty?
(man speaking in foreign language)
(gentle music)
(man speaking in foreign language)
(man speaking in foreign language)
(man speaking in foreign language)
(man speaking in foreign language)
(man speaking in foreign language)
(upbeat music)
(upbeat music)
(man screams)
(man speaking in foreign language)
- What'd you tell him?
- I told him I just ran into 27 Moss Road.
Up on the roof.
- What is it?
- It's a lady's bathhouse.
Should be interesting.
- All right.
Let's go put in a couple of phone
calls to the cops and go watch the fun.
- Yeah, listen, you make
the phone call, will you?
- Okay.
You need that?
- No.
- Let me have it.
- You're kidding.
I gotta get her out, Kelly.
- You don't have to do that.
- I still owe you a punch in
the mouth if you want it now.
(upbeat music)
(upbeat music)
- Well, you know what number one
son always said in "Charlie Chan"?
- What's that?
- You'll never think of
looking for us here, Pop.
- Number one son was always wrong.
- You had to bring that up.
- How's the game going?
- Fourth down, goal to go our ball,
and they're still running
around in that bathhouse.
- How can you tell?
- 'Cause I just heard a lady scream.
- Can I apologize?
- No.
- Class.
(people chattering)
(upbeat music)
- Hello.
Hello.
- Hi.
- My name Lily, this is my Tom Barbara.
- That's marvelous.
- Yeah.
What are your names?
- Oh, well, this is Lee,
and my name is Wong.
- Giving up the bathhouse,
they're on their way back here.
- Oh, beautiful.
- Thank you.
You wanna dance?
- Why, you betcha I said we would.
Wonderful.
(upbeat music)
- How's our team doing?
- Well, three of them
are on their way over here
to the showers, the others
are covering the field.
- Great.
Afraid our boys might be outnumbered.
- We may be small,
but we got a lot of heart.
- Yeah, we're doing our brains.
- Too good.
- You're so funny.
- Oh, he's a laugh, right?
You ought to see him with a lampshade.
Ah, girls, listen, would
you wait for us at a table?
Now, we have to go and powder our noses.
If we're not back in five
minutes, you start without us.
- When the cops come in on the
front door, Harvey's coming in the back,
we got five minutes,
maybe more, maybe less.
- I've always admired your sense of timing.
- We'll make it.
- That's what number one
son used to always say.
(door knocking)
(buzzing)
- Put that gun away.
- There's no guns in here.
- I told you.
(upbeat music)
- Come on out, Ramon.
- Somebody else up in the
room with a two-way radio.
Just call that the whole
team on the double.
- Whoopee, it's a party.
Whoever's in that
office, get 'em out of here.
Get 'em out of here, Ramon, now.
- All right, all right,
you two clever fellas.
(laughing)
Come on out, come on out.
- Well, yeah, come on out, General.
That means business.
Now, what can Ramon do for you?
- Ramon, if there's
any trouble, you go first.
I guarantee it.
- I believe you.
- Go ahead, Scotty.
(gentle music)
- Oh, man, come on.
I haven't gone in 10 minutes.
- Angel, let's go.
- There you are.
Bad penny.
- We'll get your things together.
- What?
- I'm taking you out of here.
- Where?
- Where you belong, huh?
(gentle music)
- Back to the States?
- Anywhere but this.
- Anywhere?
Where's anywhere?
What do you mean?
- Come on, honey.
We gotta get out of here
before the rest of 'em get back.
- The rest of what?
What are you talking about?
What do you mean?
- Look, I haven't got
time to talk to you now.
Come on, we gotta get out of here.
The whole world's breathing down our necks.
(gentle music)
- Hey, what is this?
Come out of here.
Leave me alone.
- That what you came back for?
- Angel, what's the matter with you?
They came back to save you,
and you better listen to them.
(laughing)
- What are they, crazy or what?
- Well, they're just nice boys, Angel.
- Hold it!
Drop 'em.
Drop 'em!
- Now, hold everything.
Everything is under control here, boys.
Now, stay still.
- We're cutting it a little thin, Scotty.
(gentle music).
- There you go.
She's free.
Go ahead, Angel.
Have some fun.
Take a vacation, even.
Even get yourself a new life.
(laughs)
- I got a life.
Where?
Home.
That's what I need.
- Angel.
- I'll give you that,
Angel, but... Home.
Eight people sleeping in a room
and a garbage out in the hallway.
If you call that home, you can have it.
Hey, Ramon!
Isn't he beautiful?
(laughs)
Why don't we all get married
and settle down with the chickens?
(laughs)
(gentle music).
There's someone who needs me.
I know he knocks me around a bit,
but I know what's happening with him.
I know where I stand.
Not like you, some kind
of weird old boy scout.
(laughs).
- Scotty.
- Your arms are all full of holes.
- Everybody's got his bag, man.
That's mine.
- Well, listen.
Ramon is through.
He's finished, as of now.
- There were three Ramons before him.
I guess there'll be another one.
Listen, you dummy.
I got three squares and a place to sleep.
I pay my dues, that's it.
There ain't no more.
Don't make no difference.
It's all the same, anywhere.
I know 'cause I've been there.
So long, hotshot.
Sorry to have caused you so much trouble...
but don't get killed on the way out.
- What's the matter, smart fella?
She doesn't wanna get sick.
(laughs)
Those are those ladies for you.
You're a poor loser, friend.
- Right.
(dramatic music)
- Hold it, hold it!
Go around front, when I come out, kill them.
-Cop! -Shut up!
Shut up and listen.
I want you to close everything up.
Close, send everybody home,
and close the place up, all right?
I can't.
What do you mean you can't?
Come on, let's go!
Come on!
(policemen shouting)
Are you all right?
(blues music)
I'd like to have two houses and a hotel.
And Marvin Gardens.
(SIGHS)
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
Parts 2750, school will rental
$5, deposit 15, that leaves 10,
and 20% off on all goods
returned in good condition.
You gave us 30% last time.
20%! I'm cutting to the bone, Kelly!
Make it into a submarine, sell it to
your wonderful Russian clients, 30% off.
All right, 25%. I can't stand haggling.
You can't stand haggling, you're
going to watch him like a hawk.
Hang in there, Tiger, you got
him right where he wants you.
Don't be so smart.
How come I always have to do this?
Because you're better
at it than I am, that's why.
Listen, you start prowling away at
him and he's helpless, right, Jimmy?
As a businessman, he makes a wonderful spy.
Labor is 13 hours, $1,000 an
hour, $130... It's a half-hour lunch.
A sandwich and... [Music].