I May Destroy You (2020–…): Season 1, Episode 4 - full transcript

So, I have your name,
Arabella Essiedu.

Next to that, Stranger One,

seven weeks ago DFSA,

which stands
for Drug-Facilitated Sexual Assault.

So, anything else I come to know
will be what you share with me

and is confidential.

OK.

Has it started? The session?

Mm. Yeah.

OK.

MUSIC: These Are The Days
by Guvna B



# Gotta give thanks way
too much peace

# When I two step to the beat,
that feels sweet

# Way too blessed, that's me

# Back then things got messy

# Way too stressy

# Now good vibes at the ready

# Tell a man grab a little bevvy'

# Shout out Femi my joy

# They ain't taking any

# These are the days

# We prayed for

# The sun still shines on me... #

How long does this...? One hour.

OK.



It's tough. Yeah.

How are you doing?

I'm great, great.

I'm great as long as I'm
around people.

Um...

When I'm alone...

Flashbacks?

It's just sometimes it
gets a bit much.

What do you do
when it gets a bit much?

I ju... I just make sure
I'm around someone, anyone.

Um...

Yeah, and if I'm not I say,

"There are hungry children, there
are hungry children,

there are hungry children. "There's
a war in Syria, there's a war

"in Syria, there's a war in Syria"
or "Not everyone has a smartphone,

"not everyone has a smartphone,
not everyone has a smartphone"

to remind myself
of the bigger picture.

Sometimes, when we try
our best to see the big picture...

..we lose sight of the little
one altogether.

The little detail here is you.

MAN CLEARS THROAT

ZIP UNZIPS
Oh...

..yeah.

DOOR BANGS

Rape Trauma Syndrome.
It's got some common symptoms -

frequent flashbacks,

high irritability in places

or situations that remind you
of the assault,

difficulty focusing,
emotional numbing,

which can sometimes be
a hard one to know you have.

Do you have any advice for focus?

Cos I have the first draft
of a book due.

I was doing all right
before everything, but now...

..my head's just sort of...

Yeah.

They have given me, um...

..a guy, um, to help me.

Have you asked to take a break?

I don't get paid
until I've delivered my first draft

so a break isn't going to help me.

The only thing they're
paying for is this therapy.

I see, OK.

I can only remind you

to take care of yourself
whenever possible.

MEN MOAN

TOILET FLUSHES

And that one...

With family?

Family?

Yeah. Yeah, I see...
I see 'em a bit.

You haven't told your mum, I guess?

But I've got friends.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And my friends, they, you know,
they all know what happened so...

It's helpful to identify
people you trust,

and, then, from there,
try doing relaxing,

creative things together.

Like?

Um... You could go for walks,

yoga, jogging, meditation,

painting. Painting?

Handicrafts.

I don't think I know
what handicrafts is.

Colouring in.

Um...

Yeah, my friends aren't really
going to be, um...

Ben, actually.
Um, this is his kind of shit.

Ben will be into...

I'll just text him.

He's typing.

PHONE BUZZES
Ah,

he's not in tonight.

Fuck. Band practice.

I'll sort it.

I'm OK, I'll be fine.
I will... Yeah, OK.

Yep, I know what I'm going to do.
I'll be fine.

You are the phoenix rising
from the flames. What are you?

ALL: Phoenix! What are you?

The phoenix! Now rise.

Take flight over the bodies of
your dead enemies.

What are you? Are you going to be
the phoenix or the pigeon class?

The phoenix! Good!

No, no, no, no, no, double time.
Double time!

What you saying? Huh? Huh?
What you saying?

Right, yous lot, you don't need to
pretend to be someone you're not.

You do that every day at work, on
the train, at home with your family.

When you're here with me,
I give you permission

to do YOU.

Knee pumps. Four,

and three, two,

one, well done!

Well done, my phoenixes.

All right, two minutes water break.

Right, get your air
inside you. Good.

Yo. Hey.

Um...

My grandma really liked your class
this morning,

the, um, aqua aerobics.
Oh, I'm glad.

Yeah, I saw you in, um...
I saw you in the window.

Cool, um...

You know, it's actually my last
class so if you want to grab

a coffee or something,
I'll be done in 30.

OK, everyone, back in one minute.
ARABELLA BREATHES DEEPLY

SOUND DISTORTS

SHE BREATHES HEAVILY

SHE EXHALES RAGGEDLY

You know what, I actually feel
a bit sorry for him.

Yeah?

Yeah, he's visiting from Ghana.

Most days, he can't even look me
in the eye. I'm like,

I'm like "Hey, Dad!"

He's scrunching his face,
cursing the house.

Ah, it's whatever.

One more day and he gone!

I've never really spoken
to a brother who was, um...

What, gay?

THEY LAUGH

Come on, you can say it,
we're in Britain...

no-one's going to throw me
off a building,

chase me with a stick.

You can say it.

Say what I am.

A gay guy.

Are we the same?

HE CHUCKLES

Um... Look, even if you never
find an answer,

I think it's really cool that you're
asking yourself the question.

This is me.

So...

Like, um...

I would, but... Your dad's there.

You live with your nan, right? Yeah.

If I could find somewhere

for us,

would you be interested?

I could be, still.

Even if it involved someone else?

Yeah, I ain't scared.

Why would you be?

Sorry I'm late. Oh, no.
Um, thank you for...

You good? Yeah, yeah. How are you
doing? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, um, Francine called to say
you need some help with... Yeah.

Closing the tills now
cos we're closing,

do you want anything?

Great! Thank you.

Well... Um...

We could try a bar. Some hotel ones
are pretty quiet.

A bar? OK, not a bar.

Um, we could use the office.

I can ask Julian
if his office is free.

I'm good with a bar. Yeah?

Yeah. Yeah.

"Tina finished her Sprite,
considered leaving

"but realised she didn't know
the way to the bus stop.

"She went to the toilet.

"You sat there like an African king
in Adidas trackies,

"smiling at the bones left
on your plate.

"You rubbed your lips together,
leaving no corner, crack or crevice

"safe from the chicken grease with
the skill of a magician..." Um...

OK.

Sorry. No, no, don't say sorry.
Don't say sorry.

What, um...

..genre is this?

Um...

It's just like... It's actually
quite hard to really, um...

Hi, there, would you like
to order anything?

Just water, tap for me, and you? No.

I'm not...
I'm not drinking anything.

SOUND DISTORTS

So, um...

Tina And Terrell In Tinsel Town
is just one chapter.

I go into all these different...
What's your background?

Ghana.

Career background? How did you,
um...? Oh, right...

How did I start? Um... Yeah.

Yeah, I was just expressing
myself online

and, yeah, people just seemed to

really respond to the stuff
I was... Tweeting.

Yeah, and then
everyone on Twitter was like,

"Why haven't you got a book?
You should make a book!"

So, then, I was like, "Yeah, I'm
going to..." Make a book.

Yeah, exactly, yeah.
What was it called?

Chronicles Of A Fed-Up Millennial.

Chronicles Of A Fed-Up Millennial?
Mm.

And, um, this one
you're on the way to finishing?

No, I'm not...
SOUND DISTORTS

I'm not drinking anything.

And you're being
published by Henny House, that's...

SOUND DISTORTS

Most people who get a commission
from Susy Henny,

know about Susy Henny.

Who knew I could sub three years
of uni for a Twitter account.

I know a lot of people with degrees
who are good and...

No, no, it doesn't have to...
I don't...

I'm so sorry, I have to go.
That's my bad, I'm sorry about that.

It's not you, it's just, um...
Sorry.

PHONE BEEPS

HE CHUCKLES

Long time, sis, long time.

Yeah, man, was in the area.

You live like ten minutes away.
Where's your key, man?

Mum's at work,
I'm going church, so...

MUSIC: Pull Up
by Blanco

# Step for the kill

# Gyal a one sec like Brazil

# Thugs in the back
they ain't going to film

# Caught on the slide,
they ain't going to drill, blue

# Lights when I'm running so real

# Sword down my leg to conceal

# Wait for the time to reveal

# Shawty, she eat me,
course I'm a meal

# Four-bro ride till the E-N-D

# Real time, GMT

# SA the realest BMT

# Lean out the window then D-A-B

# Pop her on top, U-A-V

# Portable ting, that's a PSP... #

SOUND DISTORTS

# ..sugar... #

UNDER BREATH: There's a war in
Syria, there's war in Syria,

there's war in Syria. There are
hungry children, there are

hungry children, there are hungry
children. Not everyone

has a smartphone, not...

# Two years left, T minus

# Step on the pedals, nitrous

# Spin, go, block, Ibis

# Lights froze on Leonidas

# Run, many run from sirens

# Street shack fighting bison

# JC around the horizon

# Drums are letting rip

# Tyson

# Tropical, darling

# Come, I'm looking
for a Spartan... #

You ready?

I don't have to do anything
with the other guy, right?

Nah, you ain't gotta do
anything at all.

You're very sexy, Kwame.

DOOR CLICKS

Sup!

Hey. Wha' you sayin'?

Yeah, wha' you sayin'?

RAP MUSIC PLAYS

It's shoes off.

INTERCOM BUZZES

Yo. ZAIN: I'm outside.

Mm...

This is good.

Good or good, considering?

Considering what?

Um, what's...what's
your background?

India.
THEY CHUCKLE

You are such a fucking dick.

Um, I studied creative writing,

and got signed in final year.

Ah, where'd you go? I was with
Portland Street Publishers first,

but Julian seemed a little more...

..rough and ready, do you know what
I mean? No, um...

Where'd you go uni? Oh, um...

..Cambridge.

SHE LAUGHS
You went to Cambridge.

Course you did, yes.

Now I get it.

Oh, Zain, I'm so sorry!

No, I'm actually really sorry.

Oh! You done? You done...

No! Nope. You went to Cambridge!

You must be hugging
your certificate at night.

THEY LAUGH

Hm...

Do you like colouring pencils?

No.

Fuck.

Shall I go? I've got no idea
what's going on.

No, no, I'm just...

No, I'm just, like, did I know this
was going to happen?

Is this a good idea?

Dunno.

What?

Well, we're probably going to be
having sex soon, innit?

Shall we do that now? Yeah.

Why don't you care about my book?
Cos you don't.

Oh, fuck off, mate.

DOOR OPENS
Ben? Ben?

Hi, mate!

This is Zain.

Hi, hi. Hello, mate.
I didn't know that you were here.

Yeah, same, didn't hear a thing.

Yeah, I was just listening
to the band sesh,

kind of sounding pretty good.

That's fantastic.

I'll see you in the morning. Great.

Oh, um, do like the idea
of painting, though,

so, we should do that one day.

Yeah.

So...um...

This is my room.
Can I just kiss you?

I've been thinking about it
for a few hours. Hm.

SOUND DISTORTS
Whoa.

Sorry.

Um...

Um...

You, yeah... Are you OK?

Yeah. Yeah, just um...

Yeah.

I can go... No! Um...

If you're not...

Please, stay.

What about you? What about me?

Where you from?
Depends who's asking.

If it's a black person, I'm going
to tell them I'm from Nigeria.

If they're English asking me
where I'm from,

they're getting
Barking and Dagenham, bruv.

If they ask me a second time,
they're getting sparked.

THEY CHUCKLE

# Why all these batty boys act
like their mothers?

# Then their ass puttin' shame
on your brothers... #

Yo, bro,
I beg you play something else.

# Don't get me wrong, I got love
for my own...

Oh, for real?

# But kissin' my niggas is not
really for me... #

And what you into?

I'm into everything.

Is that right?

Tell me that again.

I said, I'm into...

..everything. Ohh!

He's into me.

I ain't tryna fuck him.

Some bruddas like a quiet ting,
some bruddas just watch.

You're fuckin' sexy, you know that?

Come here.

# Where my real niggas at?

# Never wear tight pants,
see the shape for a fag

# All I see is a rat

# If nigga's actin' like a queen,
like a wuss, he gettin' dragged

# Where my real niggas at? #

Have you got a condom? Oh, um, yeah,
in my bag, but it's in the um...

SHE MOANS

Ah, wait. Wait, wait.

Turn over. Turn over.

Bro, do you want some of this?

HE MOANS

Get on the bed.

I want to fuck you bareback.

Um...no, no, I don't do that.

I thought you were into everything?

Yeah, not that.

Come on.

THEY MOAN

What, is that all you've got for me?
THEY LAUGH

THEY MOAN

Yeah, I'm bouncin' still.
What? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Can I do anything for you?

Um...

Um...nothing.

Fuck him. You're amazing.

Now come here.

I'm going to come.

HE MOANS

THEY PANT

HE CHUCKLES

Um, I better use the um...
Yeah, it's the first on the left.

MUSIC: Mr Sun (miss da sun)
by Greentea Peng

# I said, "Mr Sun

# "Where have you been?"

# He told me, "Sorry, dear,
I had to go away

# "But never have no fear,
I'm always back again

# "I've got to show you the dark

# "So you can really feel the light,
you know?"

# I can't lie, I need you, Mr Sun

# I can't lie, I need you, Mr Sun

# Chasin' after you,
I'm on the... #

TOILET FLUSHES

Um, there is a bin in the one across
the hallway, sorry.

What?

A bin for the condom. Oh.

There's a... Oh.

Ah...

Where'd you put the condom? I...

I took it off. I thought you...

Oh, shit.

Um... Yeah, it got...

..uncomfortable, so...
You're joking.

No. No, look here, it's here.

There.

Um? I thought you knew.

Um, couldn't you feel it?

No, I couldn't fucking feel it.

I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.

Um...

..Zain?! Um, I... I...

I... I didn't want to stop cos
it...it was... Um... I don't know,

maybe that's normal for you, but
that was... Yeah, no, but Zain!

I have... ..pretty insane. I have to
get the pill, for fuck's sake.

I know, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
Um...

SHE GROANS
Um...

It was really fucking good though,
right? Yes, it...

Argh, you are paying for it.

Right, I'm going to wait outside.

That was fun.

Stay, stay.

Argh!

Fuck!

What happened?
KWAME GROANS

Man, it's fine, it's fine.
It's just my nail.

It's fine. Good.

Come here. No, look, I need to go.

Playing, I'm just playing.

Just come on the bed. Why?

Go on the bed.

Yo, yo, nah. We're not having
sex again.

It's not sex.

What the fuck, man?
MALIK CHUCKLES

Can you...? Can you...? Can you...?

Can you stop that?!

MALIK BREATHES HEAVILY

Can you just get off me? Get...

Get the fuck off me.

MALIK MOANS

Oh.
MALIK CHUCKLES

What can I say,

I'm a bad boy.

See ya.

Done.

KWAME BREATHES RAGGEDLY

HE BREATHES RAGGEDLY

DIAL TONE

PHONE BUZZES

Hi, bae.

Hey.

You all right?

Um, yeah, yeah, yeah. You?

I'm good, bae. What you want?

Um... I'm just going...going bed,

I just thought
I'd say goodnight, bae.

Aw, love you, bae.

Night, bae.

THEY LAUGH

MUSIC: Mr Sun (miss da sun)
By Greentea Peng

# Woke up today
and the sun was shining

# I said, "Mr Sun

# "Where have you been?"

# He told me, "Sorry, dear,
I had to go away

# "But never have no fear,
I'm always back again

# "I've got to show you the dark

# "So you can really feel the light,
you know?"

# I can't lie, I need you, Mr Sun. #