I Love Lucy (1951–1957): Season 6, Episode 27 - The Ricardos Dedicate a Statue - full transcript
Lucy organizes a Revolutionary Day Celebration, including a statue dedication. Ricky is going to give the dedication speech. Lucy accidentally breaks the statue and decides to step in with stone makeup to take its place for the ceremony.
(light-hearted music playing)
("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)
(theme song ending)
(clicks knob)
Ethel!
Ethel?
(snoring over intercom)
Fred...
(snoring)
Fred!
Fred, wake up!
(screaming): Fred!
(snoring stops suddenly)
FRED: What is it, Ethel?
Fred, this is Lucy on the intercom.
Oh, oh.
Is Ethel there?
No.
Well, where is she?
How should I know?
Well, she's your wife.
Well, did you wake me up just to rub
it in?
Oh...
Listen, Ethel was supposed to be here
an hour ago.
I don't know how I'm gonna do all the
things I have to do
for the Yankee Doodle Day celebration
if Ethel isn't gonna cooperate with
me.
Honestly!
Listen, Fred, did you try on your
costume yet?
Fred, did you try on your costume
yet?
(snoring)
Really.
(sighs)
Committee member Mertz reporting.
(sighs heavily)
Ethel, where have you been?
I've got a million things to check
with you.
Let me see that poster.
"Yankee Doodle Day Celebration."
Uh...
I thought it was supposed to say
"Lucy Ricardo, chairman
of the Yankee Doodle Day
celebration"!
Well, thanks for the billing.
Did you put these posters up all over
town?
Yeah.
Did you nail them
to the telephone poles like I asked
you to?
All right, now. Let's see.
Did you call all the members of my
committee
and ask them to be here for luncheon
tomorrow?
Yep, I did.
All of them?
Yep, all of them.
Did you check the man who's writing
a special song about the Battle of
Campo?
Yep. I did that.
Did you talk to Mr. Silvestri the
sculptor,
make sure the statue will be ready
the day after tomorrow?
Yeah. Uh-huh.
Day after tomorrow.
Yep, yep, yep.
Did you rent the trailer to carry it
in?
Yep, yep.
Good. Oh, boy!
I'm never gonna be chairman of
another committee.
It's too much work.
For who?
For me.
For you?!
Who do you think's been doing all the
work?
How about... Ouch!
Listen, Ethel, I just mean
that I have all the responsibility.
I'm the one that has to sit home and
worry
about whether you're getting all the
work done or not.
Well, now, I'll just make you a deal.
Next year, I'll sit home and worry,
and you go out and nail your thumb to
a telephone pole.
Oh, Ethel. Listen.
We are commemorating a battle of the
Revolutionary War.
Now, let's not start one of our own.
Well, all right.
Okay.
Did you and Fred try on your costumes
yet?
Yep.
How were they?
Oh, mine's just fine.
Fred's grumbling about his as usual.
He's gonna wear it, isn't he?
Yeah, I think he is.
When I left this morning,
he was standing in front of a mirror,
trying on his powdered wig.
It was a proud sight.
It's the first time in 20 years
Fred's been able to brush his hair.
(laughs)
Well, I got Ricky to read the speech
at the unveiling.
You did?
Yeah.
Did you have much of a struggle?
No. He agreed to it right away.
You mean you didn't have to trick him
or anything?
Mm.
My, he's getting agreeable these
days.
I know. Things are working out
beautifully.
Ricky's getting mellow just as I'm
running out of tricks.
RICKY: Lucy!
What?
Look at this!
What is it?
Fred! He chewed up my slippers!
Fred wouldn't do a thing like that.
Oh, he means the dog Fred.
Oh.
I knew we made a mistake
letting Little Ricky name that dog
Fred.
We made a mistake letting Little
Ricky
get the dog in the first place.
Where is that four-legged beast?
Oh, I don't know. He's up with Little
Ricky, I guess.
Well, where is Ricky?
He's not in his room.
Well, he must be up there someplace.
Ricky!
LITTLE RICKY: Yes, Mommy?
Is Fred up there with you?
No, Mommy.
LUCY: What is that you have on your
face?
I'm a clown.
Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay!
He's a clown.
March yourself right down here, young
man.
RICKY: He must have gotten into my
makeup kit.
Yeah. Ricky, you shouldn't put stuff
like that
all over your face, honey.
Daddy was a clown this morning.
Yeah, I know I was a clown this
morning,
but that's because I'm doing a circus
number at the club.
I wanted to show Mommy how I was
gonna look.
Well, from now on,
you'd better not bring home your
m-a-k-e-u-p.
I know what that is.
You do?
Uh-huh. It's spelling.
It's spelling. Yeah.
Well, now, you go on upstairs
and take all that stuff off your
face,
and don't you ever get in Daddy's
makeup kit again.
Okay, Mommy.
Go on now.
Where's Fred?
In the den, Daddy, sleeping in your
chair.
In the den, sleeping in my chair.
You know, that dog uses my favorite
chair more than I do.
Well, he likes to be comfortable like
anyone else.
Well, then why doesn't he go out and
buy his own izzy share?
He's not gonna hurt your old "izzy
share."
Besides, there's a brand-new doghouse
in the backyard,
and you were supposed to keep him
there.
He doesn't like it out there.
Why not?
I don't know.
Why don't you ask him?
Mira, que tiene cosa...
el perro este no le gusta la casa de
perro...
And stop jabbering at me in a foreign
tongue.
I got enough trouble without you
being cranky.
I am not cranky!
The dog sits in my favorite chair all
the time.
He doesn't like the doghouse that I
bought him.
He chews up all my slippers.
Ever since we got that animal,
he's leading my life
and I'm leading the dog's life.
I'm sorry you have to hear all this
arguing, Ethel.
Oh, that's all right.
Makes me feel right at home.
I thought you were taking him to
obedience school.
I have been.
Well, then, how come
that he hasn't learned how to
obedience?
Well, I don't know.
Maybe it's because
I haven't been helping him with his
homework.
Well, you'd better help him with his
homework,
or I'm going to take him right back
to the pound
that's where we got him.
Oh, honey, now you don't mean that.
Anyway, he's graduating from
obedience school tomorrow,
and I'm sure he's gonna come through
with flying colors.
Good.
Now, listen.
Did you try your costume on yet?
Oh, that's another thing.
I'll make the speech,
but I'm not gonna wear that
silly-looking
Yankee Doodle dandy outfit that you
got me. No.
Oh, honey, you look so wonderful
in a Revolutionary War uniform.
Oh, sure, yeah.
Yeah, those knee breeches will give
you a chance
to show off your good-looking legs.
I am not going to be seen
in those silly early-American
snickers.
It's knickers.
That's what I said-- snickers.
Well, now, look.
you're making a mistake.
I'll leave it to you, Ethel.
Doesn't he have good-looking legs?
(wolf-whistle)
Come on, now, will you?
Cut it out.
Well, everybody else is wearing a
costume.
Yeah, Rick.
Even Fred.
Yeah? What's he wearing?
Oh, he's got a wonderful one.
He's gonna be the town crier.
He's gonna go through the town
ringing a bell,
announcing all the ceremonies.
This I got to see.
Well, will you wear it or not?
All right, all right.
I'll go learn my speech.
Okay, he will.
Oh, honestly.
They give you a fight, don't they?
What you have to go through...
Boy, oh, boy.
...to get him into costume for a
thing like this.
(bell ringing)
Hear ye!
Hear ye! Hear ye!
Oh, Fred, you look wonderful!
(bell ringing)
Hear ye! Hear ye! Hear ye!
Get yourself another town crier!
What are you talking about?
I refuse to do this fool thing.
Well, why, Fred?
Well, first of all, this ding-dang
wig is too hot!
How do people stand it when they have
hair?
Listen, Fred.
Maybe you can do it
without the wig, huh?
That's not all.
These things are killing my feet.
If their shoes pinched like these,
no wonder the town criers cried.
Fred, we can get you some bigger
shoes.
Oh, sure, Fred. You gotta do
something
to celebrate Yankee Doodle Day.
Well, I can always stick a feather in
my hat
and call it macaroni.
Oh, now, Fred.
Fred!
Come on, now.
Say you'll be the town crier.
No, sir. I wouldn't go yelling
through town in this outfit
if the British were to come back
again!
Oh, Fred!
I'll get him to do it.
Don't worry about it.
I'll get him to do it.
ETHEL: Now, listen, Fred...
RICKY: Fred! Fred! Fred!
Fred! Fred!
Where did he go?
What did he do?
He chewed up my whole speech.
Oh. Well, now, honey, don't, don't,
don't be mad at him.
He won't do these things
once he's graduated from obedience
school.
If you ask me, we should have sent
him to reform school.
Oh...
"Fellow citizens of Westport,
"we're gathered here on Yankee Doodle
Day
to commemorate, to unveil and
dedicate a statue."
"The statue will commemorate the
great bravery and daring courage
"of the patriots of this community
"during the Battle of Campo in 17...
"1777.
"I hereby dedicate this statue to the
ancestors
"of these brave men,
"many of whom are still living...
Hi, dear.
in this..." Oh, hi.
Congratulations are in order.
Fred graduated!
Well! Congratulations, old man!
What's that?
That's his diploma.
Well, we'll frame it up
and put it in his doghouse.
Yeah.
Did he really learn something?
Well, I told you he graduated.
Well, good for you, because I'm
running out of slippers.
Hey, who set the table for my
luncheon?
Oh, Ethel did.
And there's a beautiful plate
of cold cuts back in the kitchen.
Oh, good.
They're delicious.
What are you doing?
These cold cuts are for my committee
members.
Well, what is the principal speaker
supposed to eat for lunch?
I'll fix you
a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
Thanks a lot.
Well, Fred, now let's see if you
really graduated.
I want you to take this diploma,
take it over to Little Ricky upstairs
and show it to him.
Then after you do that,
I want you to the diploma over to the
guest house
and show it to Aunt Ethel and Uncle
Fred.
Oh, for heaven's sake, Ricky.
He can't do all that.
Well, you just told me
he graduated from obedience school.
Well, he learned obedience,
but he's not ready for The Ed
Sullivan Show.
What can he do?
He can do lots of things.
He can sit up, he can speak, he can
roll over.
I'll show you later.
Well, show me now.
No. I haven't got time now, honey.
I gotta get this luncheon going.
Listen. I paid 30 bucks
for this character to go to that
school.
I want to see what he learned.
I don't want to show you right now.
I will show you later.
Apparently, the wrong one went to
obedience school.
Oh, all right.
Show what you learned to Senor Simon
Legree.
Leash. Come on, now, Fred.
All righty, boy.
Show Daddy what we learned here, huh?
Oh, boy, he graduated top honors,
too, boy.
All right, now.
Sit up, honey.
Sit up, Fred.
Fred, sit up.
Come on, Fred, sit up.
Aw, come on, Fred.
You know how to sit up.
Now, you're not paying attention.
Come on, now.
Sit up.
Here we go.
Up we go.
Up, up, up, up, Fred. Up!
Show Daddy how you can sit up.
Come on here. Fred, up.
You know how to sit up.
You know how to sit up.
Come on, honey.
Never mind the lovemaking.
Just come on, now. Sit up.
I want you to sit up.
Now, pay attention. Up, boy.
Up.
Aw, come on, now.
You know how to it.
Look. Like this. See? Like this.
I guess he just doesn't feel like
sitting up right now.
No, I guess not.
Well, actually, sitting up wasn't his
best subject.
Oh?
No. Let's try speaking.
Here we go now.
All right, Fred, pay attention now.
All right, speak!
Speak, boy!
Speak! Fred?
Speak, speak, speak!
Come on, say something.
Talk up a storm, boy!
Come on. Say something.
Speak, Fred!
Come on, say something for me.
Just a couple of words, huh?
Oh, now, Fred, stop.
Come on. Speak.
(barking)
I guess he didn't head his class in
speaking either.
Well, actually, he isn't supposed to
speak
unless he wants something, you know,
like his dinner.
Oh. Oh, I see.
He's a before-dinner speaker.
Yeah, well.
Here's something he does very well.
Now, watch.
Okay, Fred.
Now, roll over and play dead!
Come on, Fred.
Come on now, roll over and play dead.
Come on. Roll over and play dead,
boy.
Come on. Down you go.
Play dead.
Fred...
Come on now, roll over and play dead,
boy.
Fred, pay attention to me.
Look. Look, Fred. Fred...
Like this.
Are you sure they didn't give him the
diploma
just to get rid of him?
Well, I don't understand it.
He did everything beautifully for the
instructor at school.
Look, I'm gonna give you one more
chance here.
Now, you stand up there.
Now, Fred, pay attention!
Go get it, boy!
Fred, go get it.
Fred! Go get it!
Fetch the paper, Frederick.
Can't you do just one trick, for me,
Fred? Come on.
Fred, look.
Nice Lucy.
Nice Lucy.
Here. You deserve this more than he
does.
Well, he just must be exhausted
for cramming for all of his exams,
that's all.
He needs a vacation.
Good. Then he can go out in the
doghouse
and then he can take his vacation.
He doesn't like it out there.
Well, that's too bad.
But if he's not smart enough to
learn, how...
Shh! Don't talk like that in front of
Fred.
You'll hurt his feelings.
Come on, Fred.
Fred.
Fred!
Oh, Fred!
You big bully.
Now, what were you saying?
I was saying that if he's not smart
enough to mind,
he can stay in the doghouse.
You're mean!
Since when is mean for a dog
to stay in his doghouse?
When the dog doesn't like the
doghouse,
he's not happy out there.
Why shouldn't he be happy out there?
It's a beautiful doghouse.
It's very roomy.
It's brand-new.
It doesn't have a mortgage.
And he doesn't have a wife to nag
him.
Oh, there's no talking to you.
I have things to do.
We'll discuss this later.
Fellow citizens of Westport,
we are gathered here on Yankee
Doodle...
LUCY: Oh, no!
Oh, you naughty dog!
What's the matter?
He licked half of the cold cuts on
that platter!
Where are you going?
I'm going to put him out
in the doghouse where he belongs!
...On Doodle Dandy Day to dedicate...
Ethel, wait till you see it.
Mr. Silvestri did a wonderful job.
Oh, I can hardly wait!
Oh, it's really...
It's just beautiful.
Are you ready?
Yeah.
Oh!
Oh, it's pretty lifelike, isn't it?
Oh, I should say it is.
I thought I saw him squeeze the
trigger.
Ha, ha!
Isn't it great?
It is just great!
When do you take it over to Jessup
Green?
Well, I'm going to get it there
just a few minutes before Ricky does
the unveiling.
That way nobody will be able to peek
at it
before the ceremony.
Where is Ricky?
He's over at the newspaper office.
They're taking some pictures
for the Yankee Doodle Day
celebration.
LITTLE RICKY: Mommy! Mommy!
What?
Fred ran away!
Fred ran away?
Which Fred?
My dog!
Oh, nuts.
Are you sure?
Are you sure he ran away?
His rope's chewed up,
and there's a hole in the fence.
Oh, dear. It's my fault for putting
him
out there in that doghouse.
Now, honey, he's around here
someplace.
We'll find him.
Oh, dear.
Fred!
Fred!
Fred!
Fred!
Fred!
Fred!
Fred!
Fred?
What do you want?
Oh, not you.
We're calling the dog.
He ran away.
Oh, Mommy, where is he?
We'll find him, honey. I promise.
Don't worry, honey.
(Fred whistling)
Fred!
(phone rings)
Lucy, your phone's ringing.
Lucy..
What?
Your phone.
Your phone.
You keep looking.
We will, honey.
(ringing continues)
Fred!
(whistling)
Fred!
Fred!
Hello.
Oh, hello, Grace.
Yeah.
Yeah, we just found out a minute ago.
He did?
Which way did he go?
Oh. Okay. Yeah. Thanks, Grace.
Oh, dear!
Fred.
Fred! Fred!
Can't you hear me?
Yeah, I can hear you.
Well, why didn't you answer?
I thought you were calling the dog.
Oh, for heaven's sakes.
Tell Ethel and Ricky to come in here
right away.
(whistles)
Ethel!
Yes?
Come on.
Lucy wants you.
What's up?
Grace Munson just called and said
that she saw a dog that looked like
Fred
running up the road past her house.
Oh! That's almost a mile away from
here!
Maybe it wasn't our Fred.
Well, we gotta track down every lead.
Now, listen, I'm gonna drive over to
the Munsons'.
You go out and get Bruce Ramsey,
honey.
Look all around the neighborhood.
Hear?
Okay, Mommy.
You stay here in case there're
any more calls, will you, Ethel?
Oh, sure.
Lucy, you call us, now, if you find
him.
Yeah, I will.
I'll look around here.
Maybe he's hiding inside.
I'll look in the kitchen.
Fred!
What?
I'm calling the dog.
Oh, for corn sakes.
I haven't been right once today.
Maybe it'd make things simpler
if you changed your name.
To what?
Rover.
(laughs)
Very funny!
I'll go and look in the den.
I'll go upstairs and look, Fred.
(car driving off, engine revving)
(loud crash, glass shattering)
Hey!
What was that?
Something sounded like a wreck out
there in back.
No, no. It was out here, Fred.
No, it was in back.
I know it was out there.
My ear tells me it's in the back.
It sounded just like it was out
front.
It's out back!
Now go on!
Lucy, are you all right?
I'm all right, but look at him.
ETHEL: Oh, my goodness, honey.
What happened?
Oh, I jumped in the car
and forgot all about the trailer
and backed right into that elm tree.
Wouldn't you know it?
The poor guy got through the
Revolutionary War
without a scratch,
but five minutes with you and he's
finished.
Oh, be quiet, Fred.
Uh, Lucy, maybe we can glue it back
together.
Glue what back together?
This is all that's left of him.
Oh, my goodness.
Well, you gotta do something.
You've got to fix it.
Oh, how can I fix it, for heaven's
sake?
Doesn't look very good.
Lucy.
What?
The unveiling's in an hour.
What are you gonnna do?
Oh, dear, I don't know.
But while I'm thinking,
will you drive over to the Munsons',
find Little Ricky and go find the
dog, will you?
Sure.
Yeah.
Oh...
See you later, shorty.
Ethel, what am I gonna do?
They'll throw me out of the
Historical Society.
Oh, you'll be lucky
if they don't throw you out of town.
Oh, dear.
Hey, I'll call Mr. Silvestri
and see if he's got another one.
Another one?
They don't make statues in pairs like
bookends.
Oh, it doesn't hurt to ask.
Mr. Silvestri?
This is Mrs. Ricardo.
Yeah. You know the statue you made
for us?
Well, by any chance, do you happen to
have a spare?
Oh, you don't, huh?
Well, could you make another one?
Oh, good!
How long will it take?
Two weeks!
Oh, dear.
Well, could you make it sooner?
Well, I was thinking in about an
hour, maybe?
Yeah, well, all right, all right, all
right, Mr. Silvestri.
Well, you start on it right now, huh?
Yeah. What?
Why do I want another one?
Why? Why?
Why, Ethel?
Why do we want two of them?
Uh... well...
Westport is growing
and it may become twin cities
like Saint Paul and Minneapolis.
Yeah, well, you know, Mr. Silvestri,
Westport is growing so, it just might
become twin cities
like Saint Appolis and Minnie Paul.
Minneapolis and Saint Paul.
Oh.
Well, you just go ahead, Mr.
Silvestri,
and we'll think up a reason later.
I mean, I'll tell you the reason
later. Yeah.
Oh, uh, Mr. Silvestri,
incidentally, is the, uh, the first
statue insured?
Oh! Oh, thank goodness!
Yeah, well, just start on the...
on the other one.
Thanks very much.
Oh! Thank goodness that's over.
Now all you have to do
is postpone the ceremonies for two
weeks.
Yeah.
Postpone the...?
I can't postpone the ceremonies!
Everybody in town will be over there
in an hour.
Well, what are you gonna do?
I don't know. I forgot all about the
ceremonies.
Oh, dear.
Oh, Ethel.
Hey, I got an idea.
No, maybe it's too wild.
If you've got an idea that you think
is too wild,
I don't want to hear it.
No, I think it will work.
Yeah, I think so.
(band playing "Yankee Doodle")
You know, we're going to have
ice cream and cake later.
Are you having a good time, honey?
Yes.
Fred! Fred, you found Fred!
Oh, let him through here. Oh, Fred!
Yeah, I found him.
I found him all right.
Oh, bless his little heart.
Where was he?
Well, you will never believe it.
He was sitting on the steps
of the obedience school.
Oh, Fred.
Now, why do you suppose he went
there?
Well, I guess he heard he had a bad
report.
He was trying to sign up for summer
school.
Oh, maybe.
Your mommy's here, honey.
You'll see her pretty soon.
And your daddy's getting ready to
make a speech.
Did you know that?
Yeah.
(applause)
Fellow citizens of Westport,
we are gathered here on Yankee Doodle
Day
to unveil and dedicate a statue--
a statue which commemorates
the great bravery and daring courage
of the patriots of this community
during the Battle of Campo in 1777.
So I hereby dedicate this statue to
these brave men and women,
and to their descendants,
many of whom are still living in this
community.
And now, for the unveiling.
(applause)
Here we go!
Lucy?
Lucy!
Shoot, if you must, this old redhead.
Un momento, un momento que ha pasado
algo...
Fred...
Que ha pasado algo...
(crowd murmuring)
(applause)
(band plays dramatic note to
conclusion)
ANNOUNCER: "I Love Lucy",
starring Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz,
was brought to you by new Lilt,
the only home permanent with
squeeze-bottle magic.
The fastest, easiest home permanent
ever.
("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)
"I Love Lucy" is a Desilu Production.
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz
will be back next week at this same
time.
("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)
(theme song ending)
(clicks knob)
Ethel!
Ethel?
(snoring over intercom)
Fred...
(snoring)
Fred!
Fred, wake up!
(screaming): Fred!
(snoring stops suddenly)
FRED: What is it, Ethel?
Fred, this is Lucy on the intercom.
Oh, oh.
Is Ethel there?
No.
Well, where is she?
How should I know?
Well, she's your wife.
Well, did you wake me up just to rub
it in?
Oh...
Listen, Ethel was supposed to be here
an hour ago.
I don't know how I'm gonna do all the
things I have to do
for the Yankee Doodle Day celebration
if Ethel isn't gonna cooperate with
me.
Honestly!
Listen, Fred, did you try on your
costume yet?
Fred, did you try on your costume
yet?
(snoring)
Really.
(sighs)
Committee member Mertz reporting.
(sighs heavily)
Ethel, where have you been?
I've got a million things to check
with you.
Let me see that poster.
"Yankee Doodle Day Celebration."
Uh...
I thought it was supposed to say
"Lucy Ricardo, chairman
of the Yankee Doodle Day
celebration"!
Well, thanks for the billing.
Did you put these posters up all over
town?
Yeah.
Did you nail them
to the telephone poles like I asked
you to?
All right, now. Let's see.
Did you call all the members of my
committee
and ask them to be here for luncheon
tomorrow?
Yep, I did.
All of them?
Yep, all of them.
Did you check the man who's writing
a special song about the Battle of
Campo?
Yep. I did that.
Did you talk to Mr. Silvestri the
sculptor,
make sure the statue will be ready
the day after tomorrow?
Yeah. Uh-huh.
Day after tomorrow.
Yep, yep, yep.
Did you rent the trailer to carry it
in?
Yep, yep.
Good. Oh, boy!
I'm never gonna be chairman of
another committee.
It's too much work.
For who?
For me.
For you?!
Who do you think's been doing all the
work?
How about... Ouch!
Listen, Ethel, I just mean
that I have all the responsibility.
I'm the one that has to sit home and
worry
about whether you're getting all the
work done or not.
Well, now, I'll just make you a deal.
Next year, I'll sit home and worry,
and you go out and nail your thumb to
a telephone pole.
Oh, Ethel. Listen.
We are commemorating a battle of the
Revolutionary War.
Now, let's not start one of our own.
Well, all right.
Okay.
Did you and Fred try on your costumes
yet?
Yep.
How were they?
Oh, mine's just fine.
Fred's grumbling about his as usual.
He's gonna wear it, isn't he?
Yeah, I think he is.
When I left this morning,
he was standing in front of a mirror,
trying on his powdered wig.
It was a proud sight.
It's the first time in 20 years
Fred's been able to brush his hair.
(laughs)
Well, I got Ricky to read the speech
at the unveiling.
You did?
Yeah.
Did you have much of a struggle?
No. He agreed to it right away.
You mean you didn't have to trick him
or anything?
Mm.
My, he's getting agreeable these
days.
I know. Things are working out
beautifully.
Ricky's getting mellow just as I'm
running out of tricks.
RICKY: Lucy!
What?
Look at this!
What is it?
Fred! He chewed up my slippers!
Fred wouldn't do a thing like that.
Oh, he means the dog Fred.
Oh.
I knew we made a mistake
letting Little Ricky name that dog
Fred.
We made a mistake letting Little
Ricky
get the dog in the first place.
Where is that four-legged beast?
Oh, I don't know. He's up with Little
Ricky, I guess.
Well, where is Ricky?
He's not in his room.
Well, he must be up there someplace.
Ricky!
LITTLE RICKY: Yes, Mommy?
Is Fred up there with you?
No, Mommy.
LUCY: What is that you have on your
face?
I'm a clown.
Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay!
He's a clown.
March yourself right down here, young
man.
RICKY: He must have gotten into my
makeup kit.
Yeah. Ricky, you shouldn't put stuff
like that
all over your face, honey.
Daddy was a clown this morning.
Yeah, I know I was a clown this
morning,
but that's because I'm doing a circus
number at the club.
I wanted to show Mommy how I was
gonna look.
Well, from now on,
you'd better not bring home your
m-a-k-e-u-p.
I know what that is.
You do?
Uh-huh. It's spelling.
It's spelling. Yeah.
Well, now, you go on upstairs
and take all that stuff off your
face,
and don't you ever get in Daddy's
makeup kit again.
Okay, Mommy.
Go on now.
Where's Fred?
In the den, Daddy, sleeping in your
chair.
In the den, sleeping in my chair.
You know, that dog uses my favorite
chair more than I do.
Well, he likes to be comfortable like
anyone else.
Well, then why doesn't he go out and
buy his own izzy share?
He's not gonna hurt your old "izzy
share."
Besides, there's a brand-new doghouse
in the backyard,
and you were supposed to keep him
there.
He doesn't like it out there.
Why not?
I don't know.
Why don't you ask him?
Mira, que tiene cosa...
el perro este no le gusta la casa de
perro...
And stop jabbering at me in a foreign
tongue.
I got enough trouble without you
being cranky.
I am not cranky!
The dog sits in my favorite chair all
the time.
He doesn't like the doghouse that I
bought him.
He chews up all my slippers.
Ever since we got that animal,
he's leading my life
and I'm leading the dog's life.
I'm sorry you have to hear all this
arguing, Ethel.
Oh, that's all right.
Makes me feel right at home.
I thought you were taking him to
obedience school.
I have been.
Well, then, how come
that he hasn't learned how to
obedience?
Well, I don't know.
Maybe it's because
I haven't been helping him with his
homework.
Well, you'd better help him with his
homework,
or I'm going to take him right back
to the pound
that's where we got him.
Oh, honey, now you don't mean that.
Anyway, he's graduating from
obedience school tomorrow,
and I'm sure he's gonna come through
with flying colors.
Good.
Now, listen.
Did you try your costume on yet?
Oh, that's another thing.
I'll make the speech,
but I'm not gonna wear that
silly-looking
Yankee Doodle dandy outfit that you
got me. No.
Oh, honey, you look so wonderful
in a Revolutionary War uniform.
Oh, sure, yeah.
Yeah, those knee breeches will give
you a chance
to show off your good-looking legs.
I am not going to be seen
in those silly early-American
snickers.
It's knickers.
That's what I said-- snickers.
Well, now, look.
you're making a mistake.
I'll leave it to you, Ethel.
Doesn't he have good-looking legs?
(wolf-whistle)
Come on, now, will you?
Cut it out.
Well, everybody else is wearing a
costume.
Yeah, Rick.
Even Fred.
Yeah? What's he wearing?
Oh, he's got a wonderful one.
He's gonna be the town crier.
He's gonna go through the town
ringing a bell,
announcing all the ceremonies.
This I got to see.
Well, will you wear it or not?
All right, all right.
I'll go learn my speech.
Okay, he will.
Oh, honestly.
They give you a fight, don't they?
What you have to go through...
Boy, oh, boy.
...to get him into costume for a
thing like this.
(bell ringing)
Hear ye!
Hear ye! Hear ye!
Oh, Fred, you look wonderful!
(bell ringing)
Hear ye! Hear ye! Hear ye!
Get yourself another town crier!
What are you talking about?
I refuse to do this fool thing.
Well, why, Fred?
Well, first of all, this ding-dang
wig is too hot!
How do people stand it when they have
hair?
Listen, Fred.
Maybe you can do it
without the wig, huh?
That's not all.
These things are killing my feet.
If their shoes pinched like these,
no wonder the town criers cried.
Fred, we can get you some bigger
shoes.
Oh, sure, Fred. You gotta do
something
to celebrate Yankee Doodle Day.
Well, I can always stick a feather in
my hat
and call it macaroni.
Oh, now, Fred.
Fred!
Come on, now.
Say you'll be the town crier.
No, sir. I wouldn't go yelling
through town in this outfit
if the British were to come back
again!
Oh, Fred!
I'll get him to do it.
Don't worry about it.
I'll get him to do it.
ETHEL: Now, listen, Fred...
RICKY: Fred! Fred! Fred!
Fred! Fred!
Where did he go?
What did he do?
He chewed up my whole speech.
Oh. Well, now, honey, don't, don't,
don't be mad at him.
He won't do these things
once he's graduated from obedience
school.
If you ask me, we should have sent
him to reform school.
Oh...
"Fellow citizens of Westport,
"we're gathered here on Yankee Doodle
Day
to commemorate, to unveil and
dedicate a statue."
"The statue will commemorate the
great bravery and daring courage
"of the patriots of this community
"during the Battle of Campo in 17...
"1777.
"I hereby dedicate this statue to the
ancestors
"of these brave men,
"many of whom are still living...
Hi, dear.
in this..." Oh, hi.
Congratulations are in order.
Fred graduated!
Well! Congratulations, old man!
What's that?
That's his diploma.
Well, we'll frame it up
and put it in his doghouse.
Yeah.
Did he really learn something?
Well, I told you he graduated.
Well, good for you, because I'm
running out of slippers.
Hey, who set the table for my
luncheon?
Oh, Ethel did.
And there's a beautiful plate
of cold cuts back in the kitchen.
Oh, good.
They're delicious.
What are you doing?
These cold cuts are for my committee
members.
Well, what is the principal speaker
supposed to eat for lunch?
I'll fix you
a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
Thanks a lot.
Well, Fred, now let's see if you
really graduated.
I want you to take this diploma,
take it over to Little Ricky upstairs
and show it to him.
Then after you do that,
I want you to the diploma over to the
guest house
and show it to Aunt Ethel and Uncle
Fred.
Oh, for heaven's sake, Ricky.
He can't do all that.
Well, you just told me
he graduated from obedience school.
Well, he learned obedience,
but he's not ready for The Ed
Sullivan Show.
What can he do?
He can do lots of things.
He can sit up, he can speak, he can
roll over.
I'll show you later.
Well, show me now.
No. I haven't got time now, honey.
I gotta get this luncheon going.
Listen. I paid 30 bucks
for this character to go to that
school.
I want to see what he learned.
I don't want to show you right now.
I will show you later.
Apparently, the wrong one went to
obedience school.
Oh, all right.
Show what you learned to Senor Simon
Legree.
Leash. Come on, now, Fred.
All righty, boy.
Show Daddy what we learned here, huh?
Oh, boy, he graduated top honors,
too, boy.
All right, now.
Sit up, honey.
Sit up, Fred.
Fred, sit up.
Come on, Fred, sit up.
Aw, come on, Fred.
You know how to sit up.
Now, you're not paying attention.
Come on, now.
Sit up.
Here we go.
Up we go.
Up, up, up, up, Fred. Up!
Show Daddy how you can sit up.
Come on here. Fred, up.
You know how to sit up.
You know how to sit up.
Come on, honey.
Never mind the lovemaking.
Just come on, now. Sit up.
I want you to sit up.
Now, pay attention. Up, boy.
Up.
Aw, come on, now.
You know how to it.
Look. Like this. See? Like this.
I guess he just doesn't feel like
sitting up right now.
No, I guess not.
Well, actually, sitting up wasn't his
best subject.
Oh?
No. Let's try speaking.
Here we go now.
All right, Fred, pay attention now.
All right, speak!
Speak, boy!
Speak! Fred?
Speak, speak, speak!
Come on, say something.
Talk up a storm, boy!
Come on. Say something.
Speak, Fred!
Come on, say something for me.
Just a couple of words, huh?
Oh, now, Fred, stop.
Come on. Speak.
(barking)
I guess he didn't head his class in
speaking either.
Well, actually, he isn't supposed to
speak
unless he wants something, you know,
like his dinner.
Oh. Oh, I see.
He's a before-dinner speaker.
Yeah, well.
Here's something he does very well.
Now, watch.
Okay, Fred.
Now, roll over and play dead!
Come on, Fred.
Come on now, roll over and play dead.
Come on. Roll over and play dead,
boy.
Come on. Down you go.
Play dead.
Fred...
Come on now, roll over and play dead,
boy.
Fred, pay attention to me.
Look. Look, Fred. Fred...
Like this.
Are you sure they didn't give him the
diploma
just to get rid of him?
Well, I don't understand it.
He did everything beautifully for the
instructor at school.
Look, I'm gonna give you one more
chance here.
Now, you stand up there.
Now, Fred, pay attention!
Go get it, boy!
Fred, go get it.
Fred! Go get it!
Fetch the paper, Frederick.
Can't you do just one trick, for me,
Fred? Come on.
Fred, look.
Nice Lucy.
Nice Lucy.
Here. You deserve this more than he
does.
Well, he just must be exhausted
for cramming for all of his exams,
that's all.
He needs a vacation.
Good. Then he can go out in the
doghouse
and then he can take his vacation.
He doesn't like it out there.
Well, that's too bad.
But if he's not smart enough to
learn, how...
Shh! Don't talk like that in front of
Fred.
You'll hurt his feelings.
Come on, Fred.
Fred.
Fred!
Oh, Fred!
You big bully.
Now, what were you saying?
I was saying that if he's not smart
enough to mind,
he can stay in the doghouse.
You're mean!
Since when is mean for a dog
to stay in his doghouse?
When the dog doesn't like the
doghouse,
he's not happy out there.
Why shouldn't he be happy out there?
It's a beautiful doghouse.
It's very roomy.
It's brand-new.
It doesn't have a mortgage.
And he doesn't have a wife to nag
him.
Oh, there's no talking to you.
I have things to do.
We'll discuss this later.
Fellow citizens of Westport,
we are gathered here on Yankee
Doodle...
LUCY: Oh, no!
Oh, you naughty dog!
What's the matter?
He licked half of the cold cuts on
that platter!
Where are you going?
I'm going to put him out
in the doghouse where he belongs!
...On Doodle Dandy Day to dedicate...
Ethel, wait till you see it.
Mr. Silvestri did a wonderful job.
Oh, I can hardly wait!
Oh, it's really...
It's just beautiful.
Are you ready?
Yeah.
Oh!
Oh, it's pretty lifelike, isn't it?
Oh, I should say it is.
I thought I saw him squeeze the
trigger.
Ha, ha!
Isn't it great?
It is just great!
When do you take it over to Jessup
Green?
Well, I'm going to get it there
just a few minutes before Ricky does
the unveiling.
That way nobody will be able to peek
at it
before the ceremony.
Where is Ricky?
He's over at the newspaper office.
They're taking some pictures
for the Yankee Doodle Day
celebration.
LITTLE RICKY: Mommy! Mommy!
What?
Fred ran away!
Fred ran away?
Which Fred?
My dog!
Oh, nuts.
Are you sure?
Are you sure he ran away?
His rope's chewed up,
and there's a hole in the fence.
Oh, dear. It's my fault for putting
him
out there in that doghouse.
Now, honey, he's around here
someplace.
We'll find him.
Oh, dear.
Fred!
Fred!
Fred!
Fred!
Fred!
Fred!
Fred!
Fred?
What do you want?
Oh, not you.
We're calling the dog.
He ran away.
Oh, Mommy, where is he?
We'll find him, honey. I promise.
Don't worry, honey.
(Fred whistling)
Fred!
(phone rings)
Lucy, your phone's ringing.
Lucy..
What?
Your phone.
Your phone.
You keep looking.
We will, honey.
(ringing continues)
Fred!
(whistling)
Fred!
Fred!
Hello.
Oh, hello, Grace.
Yeah.
Yeah, we just found out a minute ago.
He did?
Which way did he go?
Oh. Okay. Yeah. Thanks, Grace.
Oh, dear!
Fred.
Fred! Fred!
Can't you hear me?
Yeah, I can hear you.
Well, why didn't you answer?
I thought you were calling the dog.
Oh, for heaven's sakes.
Tell Ethel and Ricky to come in here
right away.
(whistles)
Ethel!
Yes?
Come on.
Lucy wants you.
What's up?
Grace Munson just called and said
that she saw a dog that looked like
Fred
running up the road past her house.
Oh! That's almost a mile away from
here!
Maybe it wasn't our Fred.
Well, we gotta track down every lead.
Now, listen, I'm gonna drive over to
the Munsons'.
You go out and get Bruce Ramsey,
honey.
Look all around the neighborhood.
Hear?
Okay, Mommy.
You stay here in case there're
any more calls, will you, Ethel?
Oh, sure.
Lucy, you call us, now, if you find
him.
Yeah, I will.
I'll look around here.
Maybe he's hiding inside.
I'll look in the kitchen.
Fred!
What?
I'm calling the dog.
Oh, for corn sakes.
I haven't been right once today.
Maybe it'd make things simpler
if you changed your name.
To what?
Rover.
(laughs)
Very funny!
I'll go and look in the den.
I'll go upstairs and look, Fred.
(car driving off, engine revving)
(loud crash, glass shattering)
Hey!
What was that?
Something sounded like a wreck out
there in back.
No, no. It was out here, Fred.
No, it was in back.
I know it was out there.
My ear tells me it's in the back.
It sounded just like it was out
front.
It's out back!
Now go on!
Lucy, are you all right?
I'm all right, but look at him.
ETHEL: Oh, my goodness, honey.
What happened?
Oh, I jumped in the car
and forgot all about the trailer
and backed right into that elm tree.
Wouldn't you know it?
The poor guy got through the
Revolutionary War
without a scratch,
but five minutes with you and he's
finished.
Oh, be quiet, Fred.
Uh, Lucy, maybe we can glue it back
together.
Glue what back together?
This is all that's left of him.
Oh, my goodness.
Well, you gotta do something.
You've got to fix it.
Oh, how can I fix it, for heaven's
sake?
Doesn't look very good.
Lucy.
What?
The unveiling's in an hour.
What are you gonnna do?
Oh, dear, I don't know.
But while I'm thinking,
will you drive over to the Munsons',
find Little Ricky and go find the
dog, will you?
Sure.
Yeah.
Oh...
See you later, shorty.
Ethel, what am I gonna do?
They'll throw me out of the
Historical Society.
Oh, you'll be lucky
if they don't throw you out of town.
Oh, dear.
Hey, I'll call Mr. Silvestri
and see if he's got another one.
Another one?
They don't make statues in pairs like
bookends.
Oh, it doesn't hurt to ask.
Mr. Silvestri?
This is Mrs. Ricardo.
Yeah. You know the statue you made
for us?
Well, by any chance, do you happen to
have a spare?
Oh, you don't, huh?
Well, could you make another one?
Oh, good!
How long will it take?
Two weeks!
Oh, dear.
Well, could you make it sooner?
Well, I was thinking in about an
hour, maybe?
Yeah, well, all right, all right, all
right, Mr. Silvestri.
Well, you start on it right now, huh?
Yeah. What?
Why do I want another one?
Why? Why?
Why, Ethel?
Why do we want two of them?
Uh... well...
Westport is growing
and it may become twin cities
like Saint Paul and Minneapolis.
Yeah, well, you know, Mr. Silvestri,
Westport is growing so, it just might
become twin cities
like Saint Appolis and Minnie Paul.
Minneapolis and Saint Paul.
Oh.
Well, you just go ahead, Mr.
Silvestri,
and we'll think up a reason later.
I mean, I'll tell you the reason
later. Yeah.
Oh, uh, Mr. Silvestri,
incidentally, is the, uh, the first
statue insured?
Oh! Oh, thank goodness!
Yeah, well, just start on the...
on the other one.
Thanks very much.
Oh! Thank goodness that's over.
Now all you have to do
is postpone the ceremonies for two
weeks.
Yeah.
Postpone the...?
I can't postpone the ceremonies!
Everybody in town will be over there
in an hour.
Well, what are you gonna do?
I don't know. I forgot all about the
ceremonies.
Oh, dear.
Oh, Ethel.
Hey, I got an idea.
No, maybe it's too wild.
If you've got an idea that you think
is too wild,
I don't want to hear it.
No, I think it will work.
Yeah, I think so.
(band playing "Yankee Doodle")
You know, we're going to have
ice cream and cake later.
Are you having a good time, honey?
Yes.
Fred! Fred, you found Fred!
Oh, let him through here. Oh, Fred!
Yeah, I found him.
I found him all right.
Oh, bless his little heart.
Where was he?
Well, you will never believe it.
He was sitting on the steps
of the obedience school.
Oh, Fred.
Now, why do you suppose he went
there?
Well, I guess he heard he had a bad
report.
He was trying to sign up for summer
school.
Oh, maybe.
Your mommy's here, honey.
You'll see her pretty soon.
And your daddy's getting ready to
make a speech.
Did you know that?
Yeah.
(applause)
Fellow citizens of Westport,
we are gathered here on Yankee Doodle
Day
to unveil and dedicate a statue--
a statue which commemorates
the great bravery and daring courage
of the patriots of this community
during the Battle of Campo in 1777.
So I hereby dedicate this statue to
these brave men and women,
and to their descendants,
many of whom are still living in this
community.
And now, for the unveiling.
(applause)
Here we go!
Lucy?
Lucy!
Shoot, if you must, this old redhead.
Un momento, un momento que ha pasado
algo...
Fred...
Que ha pasado algo...
(crowd murmuring)
(applause)
(band plays dramatic note to
conclusion)
ANNOUNCER: "I Love Lucy",
starring Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz,
was brought to you by new Lilt,
the only home permanent with
squeeze-bottle magic.
The fastest, easiest home permanent
ever.
("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)
"I Love Lucy" is a Desilu Production.
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz
will be back next week at this same
time.