I Love Lucy (1951–1957): Season 6, Episode 24 - Building a Bar-B-Q - full transcript

(light-hearted music playing)

("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)

Hurry up, Ricky!

You'll be late for work.

Good-bye, honey.
You got five minutes

to get to the station.
Bye-bye.

(exhales)

Hi, honey.

Oh, hi.

How's Ricky enjoying his vacation?

Oh...



vacation!

(chuckles)

Honey, could you move down a little?

Where you going to sweep next?

I'm all through.

Good.

Why don't you come over and talk to
me, honey?

Talk?

Sure, you don't have to do

all that dustin' and swipin' now.

Well, I'm afraid I do, dear.

The house gets pretty dirty

if I don't do my "dustin' and
swippin'" every day.

Honey?



Yeah.

You missed a spot here.

Right along the edge there, see?

Right along that edge there.

Thanks.

(sighs)

Look, honey, this is your vacation.

Wouldn't you like to be doing
something?

No, no, I just want to sit here and
relax.

Psst.

Top of the picture there.

Honey, why don't you call up little
Freddie Mertz

and ask him to come over and play
with you?

You know Fred isn't in town for the
morning.

Oh.
He's in New York, remember?

Yeah.

Psst.

What is that?

A piece of lint.

You must have missed it with the
carpet sweeper.

Thank you very much.

What do you want me to do with it?

Why don't you get yourself a
scrapbook

and start a lint collection?

Look, honey, why don't you go for a
walk

or go out to the village

or go out and talk to the chickens or
something?

No, I don't want to do anything.

This is my vacation.

I just want to sit here and relax.

(sighs)

How comes there's no cigarette in the
cigarette box?

Well, I haven't had time to fill them
yet this morning, dear.

There's a whole drawerful

in the kitchen.
Oh, thank you.

Whew, a whole week with the Cuban
Kibitzer.

You say something?

A whole drawerful in the kitchen,
dear.

Cigarettes...
Oh.

...loaded with them.

Lucy?

What?

What's the meaning of this?

What's the meaning of this?

Yes.

Well, this is my wedding ring.

It means that we're married.

It means you're my husband, I'm
you're wife

and we have a child by this union.

I know all of that.
Oh.

What is it doing in the windowsill

on top of the kitchen sink?

Well, that's where I put it every
morning.

You see, every morning after
breakfast

I take it off, I put it on the
windowsill.

Then I wash the dishes.

Then I come in here, and I do my
housework.

I go back into the kitchen,

I take it off the windowsill

and put it back on my finger.

Mm-hmm. Well, that's the easiest way
in the world

to lose your wedding ring.

Well, I've been doing it for 16
years,

and I haven't lost it yet.

Why you have to take it off?

Because dishwater is very hard

on diamond rings.

When we got married

you said you will never take your
ring off.

When we got married, you said

that dishwater would never touch

these lily white hands.

Well, I bought you

a pair of rubber gloves, didn't I?

Right.
That's the easiest way to lose a ring

is to take it off and leave it
someplace.

You forgot you put it there...

Look, Ricky...
and then you lose it...

...I don't know if you realize it or
not,

but ever since you started your
vacation

you've done nothing but pick on me
and criticize.

LITTLE RICKY: Daddy...

let's fly my new kite.

Yeah, go fly a kite.

All right, son.

Come on.

Hi, honey.

Oh, hi.

What are you doing?

Trying to keep Ricky out of my hair.

What do you mean?

Oh, I don't know what I'm gonna do

with him home for a whole week.

He's driving me crazy.

Oh, now you know how I feel every
week.

I'm going to have to cook up a
project

to keep him occupied.

A project, huh?

Yeah.

Well, how about that barbecue

he and Fred are planning to build out
on the patio?

Gee, I don't know.
That sounds like work.

All he wants to do is sit around and
relax.

I don't know how I'd get him to build
a barbecue.

Why don't you use the method I always
use

when I want Fred to do something?

What's that?

Well, I start the project myself, and
then Fred sees me

and he says, "Ethel, that's not the
way to do that."

And then he goes ahead and does it
himself.

Ethel, you're getting to be a pretty
tricky thinker.

Well, I've been around the old master
for so long,

I guess some of you has rubbed off on
me.

(hearty chuckle)

(loudly): Well, Ethel, I guess we're
ready to build the old barbecue now.

Yeah, we've never built one before,

but let's give it a try.

Yeah.

I don't think he heard us.

Make a lot of noise.

Here he comes. Here he...
Uh, guess you better

put the cement in there, Ethel.

Might as well look like

we're starting, anyway.
Oh, okay.

We're probably gonna need a lot more

cement, too, don't you think?

Yep. Got all the cement in there.

Got plenty of bricks though, I think.

LUCY: Yeah. We may need...

What are you doing?
What are you doing?

Oh, we're building the barbecue,
dear.

Wait a minute. Fred and I are gonna
do that next month.

Oh, I know, but the weather's so
warm,

we got kind of anxious to have it
built,

so Ethel and I thought we'd just go
ahead and do it.

Yeah, just because we've never built
one before

doesn't mean we can't build this one.

No. Now here's where I thought we'd
put it, Ethel.

Right over here. This seems like the
best place, see?

Yeah.
And then I figure

that the grill should be up, say,
about that high,

to keep the smoke out of our eyes.

Now, won't that make it kind of
awkward for cooking?

Well, we'll get a little stepladder
and stand on that.

Oh, a stepladder, sure.

Wait, a minute.
Where are the blueprints?

Blueprints?

The plans.

Oh, who needs plans?

We'll just create as we go along.

Yeah, we thought we'd just ad-lib
this barbecue.

Yeah.
Now, just a minute, girls, just a
minute.

It is very obvious that you don't
know what you're doing.

I better do this job myself.

Well, Ethel, I guess that's right.

I guess they do know more about it
than we do.

Yeah, building a barbecue

is man's work.
LUCY: Yeah.

Well, let us know how you're doing,
dear.

Hold on, I'll need some help.

Help?

Help?

Yeah, sure, while I'm doing the
brickwork

you two can be mixing the cement,

so pour the water in there and get
going.

I'll go get the blueprints.

Well, you pour the water right in
there.

That's what he said.

I know what he said.

Doesn't seem to be mixing together
very well.

Maybe we're supposed to help it
along.

Oh.

Well, all right.

Oh, my ring.

Oh...

Well, don't just stand there.

Come on.

Oh, Lucy.

Eww.

What are you doing now?

Mixing the cement, like you told us
to.

You're not supposed to put your hands
in there.

You're supposed to mix it with that
hoe over there.

Now he tells us.

FRED: Hey.
Hi, Fred! Hi!

ETHEL: Oh, hi, Fred.

LUCY: Hi.

What in Sam Hill's going on around
here?

Well, we're going to build the
barbecue.

I thought we were going to do that
next month.

I know, but the weather got so nice,

we thought we'd start right away.

Well, then, I'll go and put on my
working clothes

and come back and help you.
Thank you.

FRED: You're welcome.

RICKY: Okay, Fred.
All right.

Well, as long as you have Fred to
help you,

guess you won't be needing us, dear.

No, we'll just go on in the house.

Now, just a minute.
Just a minute.

For a job like that, it's very good
to have some helpers.

Uh, you can mix the cement and hand
us

the brick while we're doing the work.

Now, go on, get going, mix the
cement.

And put some more water in there,
Ethel.

Lucy, you pile all these bricks over
there

in a nice... little nice pile over
there.

All the bricks over there.

Nice and neat.

Keep it moving, Ethel.

Yes, sir.

Hurry up, honey.

Well, Fred, how about it, huh?

Well, if I do say so myself, it looks
pretty good.

Pretty good?

Why, it's a work of art.

(chuckling)

I hope the gals got dinner ready.

I'm starved.

Yeah, me, too.

Well, we get...

Ay, mira que tiene cosa,

la mujer esta...
What's wrong, what's wrong?

Oh, Lucy-- I never seen anyone as
careless as she is.

Look where she left her ring.

Well, that's one problem I'll never
have with Ethel.

She's careful, huh?

No, her fingers have gotten so fat

she can't get her ring off.

You know what I got a notion to do?
No.

I'm going to hide this ring in my
pocket.

Oh?
And let's see how long

it takes her to find out that it's
missing.

ETHEL AND LUCY: Surprise!

Hi!
RICKY: Surprise. Hi!

(Ricky shouts)
FRED: No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

Honey, don't put it there.

That's still wet, dear.
That's still wet.

Don't do that.
Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh...
(chuckles): Gosh.

What were you going to do?

Well, we're gonna initiate our new
barbecue.

We were going to cook hamburgers.

Oh, well, you'll have to wait till
tomorrow.

You see, this needs about 12 hours,

at least, before it sets.

Oh...
Oh...
RICKY: Gotta dry.

Well, honey, save it for tomorrow.

Well, okay.
We can cook them tomorrow.

We'll make something else tonight,
then, hon.

All right.
I'll go home and clean up.

Wait a minute, Fred.

Lucy?
Hmm?

Uh... be sure that when you're ready

to give Fred a ring.

Yeah, Lucy, give me a ring.

What are you talking about?

I'll call you on the intercom.

Why should I give you a ring?
We have an intercom now.

Why...?

Lucy, you can cook macaroni and
cheese for me anytime.

Oh, thanks, Ethel.

I'll wash, you dry.

No, I'll wash, you dry.

Okay.

What's the matter?

Oh, no.

What's the matter, Lucy?

My ring is missing.
I've lost my ring.

Oh, now, Lucy, are you sure?

Yes. Oh, and it couldn't have
happened at a worse time.

This morning Ricky found my ring just
lying here,

and he just about hit the ceiling.

Oh, well, now think, girl.

When do you remember wearing it last?

Let's see now... after Ricky gave it
back to me,

I put it on my finger and I left it
on until...

I took it off to mix the cement.

I remember. I saw you put it on the
bench.

It must be still on there.

I left it right here.

Oh, dear.

Oh, dear.
It isn't here.

No, it isn't.

Maybe it fell through the slats.

Oh, Ethel, I don't see it.

(gasps)

Maybe it fell in one of those pails
of water.

And we used that water to mix the
cement.

Oh, Ethel.

My wedding ring

is someplace in this barbecue.

What are you going to do?

What else can we do?

Now, Lucy, I'm not going to start

taking this whole barbecue apart.

Neither one of us are, right now.

We're gonna have to wait until the
boys are asleep.

No, Lucy, I'm just not going to do
it.

I won't do it!
Now, Ethel, I'd do it for you

if you'd lost your wedding ring.

If I lost my wedding ring we wouldn't
have to find it,

we'd just have to buy another box of
Cracker Jack.

Ethel, it's my wedding ring,

the one that I've had for 16 years.

The one that Ricky slipped on my
finger

when we promised to love, honor and
obey.

When the minister said, "Do you take
this woman...

to be your la...?" Look, before you
start

singing "O, Promise Me," I'll help
you.

Oh, thanks, Ethel.
Thanks.

I just got to find that ring.
Well...

Now look, after Fred gets to sleep,
you meet me

out here, see?
Okay.

You know, it's times like these I
wished I'd have kept a diary.

Why?

Just so I could write, "Dear Diary,

"tonight I went out in the backyard
in my nightgown

and felt wet cement."

Oh, now, Ethel...

Oh, Lucy, that's the last of it.

Where can your ring be?

(sobbing): I don't know...

Now, honey, it'll turn up someplace.

Oh, gee, it's 2:30.

I got to get some sleep.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

I'm beat, too.

(sniffling)

What are you doing?

I'm putting the barbecue back
together again.

Lucy, that'll take you all night.

Listen, I'm going to be in enough
trouble

when Ricky finds out I lost my
wedding ring.

I'd hate to think what he'd do if he
sees this.

I could have been in a nice, quiet
apartment in New York.

No, I had to move to Connecticut so I
could be near you.

I don't blame you for the way you
feel, Ethel.

You go on to bed, I'll do this.

Good night.

Good night.
Sleep tight.

(sighs)

Oh, gee, Ethel, thanks.

It's times like this

when you know what friends are for.

If I'd known this is what friends are
for,

I'd have signed up as an enemy.

RICKY: Morning!

Oh, hi, honey.

Hi! Where's Ricky?

Oh, he's out flying his kite.
How do you want your eggs?

Oh, hold it for a minute.

I want to go out and see the
barbecue.

Oh, you don't want to look at the
barbecue.

(chuckling): Why not?

Well, uh, you-you shouldn't look

at a barbecue on an empty stomach.

Hey, that's very funny.

(chuckling)

I'll be back in a minute.

(whistling)

(Ricky singing)

(Ricky shouting indistinctly)

Lucy, everybody, hurry!

Come out here and look!

Hurry up! Hurry up!

What happened?

What happened?

Oh, my goodness, how terrible!

Oh, isn't that awful?

Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle.

Never mind about your relatives!

How did this thing happen?

How should I know?

That's not the barbecue we built!

Of course it isn't!

This is a monstrosity!

I'll say! I've seen better things

built by a beaver with his tail in a
sling.

I-It looks like-like somebody took it
apart

and-and put it back together again.
Yes.

Oh, for heaven's sake, who would do a
thing like that?

Well, what else could have happened?

Well, any one of a number of things.

Like what?

Well...

like maybe an earthquake...

an earthquake last night.

Yeah, that's it.

They don't have earthquakes here in
Connecticut!

That's not it!

It looks like it was hit by a
tornado.

A tornado, that's it, hit by a big
fat tornado.

They don't have tornadoes in
Connecticut, either.

Oh, boy, this is a dull state.

I tell you what I think it was.

ETHEL AND LUCY: What?

A couple of hurricanes.

Hurricanes!
Oh, hurricanes.

Yeah, Hurricane Lucy and Hurricane
Ethel!

Whatever makes you think a thing like
that?

I don't know.

But it just so happens

that anytime something goes wrong
around here,

I got a pretty good idea where to
start looking.

Well, could we help it if the cement
wasn't...?

Aha! Aha! The cement was what?

What did you say?

I didn't say anything, did I, Ethel?

Uh, no, no, no.
I didn't...

I didn't hear her say a-anything.
Daddy, Daddy!

Just-just-just a minute, partner.

We're about to hear a very
interesting story

from your mother.

But Daddy...

In a minute, amigo.

All right, Lucy, let's hear it.

I'd rather hear from little amigo.

Lucy!

Well, all right.

We took the barbecue apart

and put it back together again.

But why?

Why?

Don't hold back the sordid details.

Because I lost my wedding ring,

and we thought it was in the cement,
but it wasn't.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Ethel!

Were you really in on the
shenanigans?

Yes, I was in on the shenanigans,

and I'm dead tired

from being up all night

lifting those heavy bricks.

And if you say one more word to me,
Fred Mertz,

I'm going to take you apart

and put you back together again.

I just asked, honeybunch.

Ricky, go ahead and get mad or
something

and get it over with.

I'm not mad.

You're not?

No, I'm not mad at all.

This is all my fault.

Your fault?

Yeah...

I found your ring on the bench here
yesterday

when we were building the barbecue,

so I hid it in my shirt pocket.

But why, honey?

To teach you a lesson.

I wanted to find out how long it
would take you

before you realized it was missing.

Oh, dear.

I'll go and get it.

It's in the shirt I was wearing
yesterday.

Oh, honey...

that shirt was all covered with
cement.

I gave it to Ethel to use as a rag.

Oh, and I gave it to Fred

to use on the lawnmower.

Oh, for corn's sake.

What's the matter?
What's the matter?

I tore it to pieces to make the tail

for Little Ricky's kite.

Oh, well, where's your kite?

That's what I been trying to tell
you.

It flew away.

It flew away?

Which way?
Which way?

Where?!
That way!

(shouting)

The barbecue may look kind of funny,

but it makes awful good hamburgers,
huh?

Yeah, I'm still going to rebuild it.

I'll cut it up for you.

It sure is an eyesore.

Here you are, honey.

ETHEL: Mmm-mm!

Mmm... good.

FRED (whispers): There you are.

Honey?

Come on, eat your hamburger.

No, thanks, I'm not hungry.

Oh, you better have one, honey.
They're awful good.

How can I eat when my wedding ring is
flying

somewhere over Long Island Sound?

Oh, honey...

I told you I'll buy you a new one.

I don't want a new one.
I want the same one.

I feel so terrible about this.

I'll tell you what.

Look, I'll buy you a new one
with-with

big diamonds all around it.

I don't want one with big diamonds
all around it.

I want mine with the little diamonds
halfway around it.

Oh, honey. I'm sorry.

Come on, honey. Come on.
Come on, sweetheart.
Come on.

Lucy, it's great.
I don't want it.
Come on.

(wailing)
Oh, it tastes so good...

It's good, really.

ETHEL: Mm-mmm!

Good, huh?

Mmm!

Mmm!

ETHEL: Hmm, boy...

(shouting)

What?
ETHEL: What's that?

What?!
ETHEL: Her ring!

I found my ring!
Your ring!

Where'd you find it?

(muffled): In the hamburger.

In the hamburger?!
In the hamburger!

How did it get there?

I don't know!
ETHEL: Oh...

Hey, wait a minute.

ETHEL: What?
I think I know.

You know, you know, yesterday

when you brought that tray...
FRED: Yeah.

...with the hamburgers and
everything?

ETHEL: Oh, yeah?

A-And I pi-pick...
bend down

to-to give it back to you?

Yeah?
Yeah?

It must have fallen out of my shirt
in the meat.

(all talking excitedly)

Oh, Lucy, oh!
Oh, boy!

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

What's the matter?

I want to slip it on your finger,

like I did 16 years ago.

Oh...

honey...

(giggles)

There you are...

Aw, isn't that romantic?

Yeah, just like it was 16 years ago,
only then my ring

didn't have mustard and relish all
over it.

(laughing)

Oh...
Oh!

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