I Love Lucy (1951–1957): Season 6, Episode 23 - Housewarming - full transcript

(light-hearted music playing)

("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)

(theme song ending)

How you doing, Fred?

Well, I got the unit installed over
at our house.

Now it's just a matter of connecting
this

and the one up in little Ricky's room

and the intercom's all set.

Fred, are you sure you know what
you're doing

with all those little wires and
things?

Do I know what I'm doing?



I'll have you know I'm the Thomas A.
Edison of today.

Hmm-hmm. Yeah, but do you know what
you're doing?

Look, name one time when I ever
botched an electrical job.

All right. How about the time you
tried to rewire your kitchen

and the whole East Side of New York
was dark for 48 hours?

Was it my fault that all that wiring
was 20 years old?

I'll bet you can't name another one.

All right. How about the time you
tried to fix our TV set

and the picture tube exploded and
burned a hole in the rug?

And how about the time you...

Do you want this thing set up or not?

Yes, Fred, I'd love to have it set
up.

I just want to make sure you know
what you're doing.

That's all.
I know what I'm doing.



Okay.
All right.

Hi, sweetheart.

Hi, Mommy.

What's Uncle Fred doing?

Oh, he's setting up an intercom
system.

What's an intercom system?

Well, it's kind of like a telephone.

See, Aunt Ethel has another gadget
like that in her place,

and she and Mommy can talk to each
other.

Is it better than a telephone?

It's cheaper.

Oh, is that good?

Is that good?
(chuckling)

I'll have to have a talk with this
lad.

What's that one for?

Well, that's for your room, honey,

so that we can talk to you when
you're upstairs.

All right, this is ready.

Oh, good. I want to talk to Ethel.

Hi, Ethel!
How are you, girl?

ETHEL: Hello, there.

Uh, Ethel?

Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

What?

When you want to talk to Ethel,
just... turn that knob.

Oh. Hello, Ethel!
How are you?

Hi, Ethel!

Testing, one, two, three.

Testing, one two, three.

ETHEL: Hello, Lucy, is that you?

Yeah.

Isn't this exciting?
Yeah.

It's just like a telephone,

only we can talk to each other

whenever we want to and all we...

That's the way to turn it off.

That's the best part of it.

Oh, now, Fred.

Hey, Ethel?

Yeah?

You want to do me some...

You want to go out to the henhouse

get a dozen fresh eggs

and bring them over right away?

Sure.
Thank you.

Now, when you get through talking,

don't forget to turn it off.

Oh, okay.

Ricky, you almost ready for
breakfast?

RICKY: In a few minutes, dear.

I'm getting out of the shower.

Okay.
Where do you want to put

the speaker in Little Ricky's room?

Well, on the nightstand, I guess,
would be fine.

Okay. Can I help, Uncle
Fred?

Sure, you can help, partner.

Come on.

Can I talk to outer space through
this?

Outer space?

(chuckling): Well, I guess you can.

But they may not answer.

Oh, boy, I'm going to say hello to
the moon.

Say hello to the moon?

All right, come on.

We'll try it.

We'll say hello to everybody.
Get up there.

Hi.

Hi, dear.

I'll just put your eggs in the
frigidaire.

Oh, don't bother, honey.

I've to take them over to Betty
Ramsey's right away.

She's making a cake for the dinner
tonight.

What dinner?

Oh, she's having the neighbors over.

Oh, that's wonderful!

Gee, my good dress is at the
cleaners, but I think if I

called them up, they'd deliver it

in time for the dinner party.

Uh, Ethel...

Huh?

She's just having the Munsons

and the Baileys and Ricky and me.

Oh?

Well, you know, it's just the
neighbors that live real close.

Oh, just the close ones, huh?

Yeah.

I see. The Baileys live four miles
away

and we live four feet away.

Oh, now, honey, there's no reason

to feel funny about it.

She just doesn't know you very well.

Well, that's true.

People like the Ramseys don't hobnob
much

with us chicken pluckers.

Chicken pluckers?

Oh, Ethel, for heaven's sake.

What a thing to say.

Now, look, we're all in the egg
business together.

If you're chicken pluckers, we're
chicken pluckers.

Then how come us chicken pluckers

weren't invited to the dinner party?

Well, she just doesn't know you
chicken pluckers...

I mean, she doesn't know you and Fred
as well, that's all.

Now, look, honey, I'm sure

when she gets to know you a little
better

she'll ask you to one of her parties.

I couldn't care less.

I wouldn't go to a party given by
that snob if she begged me.

Oh, honey, now, you got Betty all
wrong.

Here are the eggs for your friend.

And I hope her cake falls.

Oh, Ethel, for heaven's sake.

Oh...

(door slams)

Hi, honey.

Morning, dear.

Oh, I see Fred connected the
intercom, huh?

Yeah.

How do you work it?

Like this.

Oh.

He's putting one in Little Ricky's
room now.

What's the matter with you?

Oh, Ethel's all upset because they
weren't asked

to the Ramsey's dinner party tonight.

That's nothing to be upset about.

Well, that's what I told her, but it
didn't do any good.

She still feels left out

If I didn't know better,

I'd think she was jealous of my
friendship with Betty Ramsey.

Oh, honey, that's ridiculous.

Well, I don't know.

You know what the trouble is.

It's hard for the Mertzes to meet
people out here.

You know, you have your work, I have
my PTA Club activities,

but the Mertzes don't have any
friends in the country.

FRED (over intercom): We didn't have
any friends in the city either.

Now turn off your switch.

Yeah.

Where is he?

He just connected the speaker in
Little Ricky's room.

(chuckling): Oh.

You know, with that thin' around,

you gotta be careful what you say.

Yeah, that's right.

Honey, I feel so guilty about the
Mertzes.

Well, it's not your fault, dear.

Well, yes, honey, in a way, it is.

You know, they wouldn't be living out
here at all

if it wasn't for us.

Well, everything will work out all
right.

I don't know. I have never seen Ethel
so upset.

She acted like she'd lost her best
friend.

Good grief!

I guess she thinks she has.

Oh, now, honey, you're exaggerating.

No, I'm not. You know, Betty and
Ethel have only met once.

I'll bet if they got to know each
other, they'd be friends.

Well, why don't you bring them
together?

That's a good idea.

I'm gonna have the two of them over
here for lunch tomorrow.

Fine. Then it's all settled.

Hmm. Now, what'll I serve for lunch?

How about breakfast?

Who ever heard of serving breakfast
for lunch?

Oh, your breakfast!

Yeah.
Oh, honey, yes, sir!

Hi, Ethel.

Hello.

What's the big formal occasion

inviting me to luncheon?

Well, I thought it'd be fun

to have a fancy girl-type luncheon,

you know, like we used to have at
Schrafts in New York.

Who else is coming?

Lucy, what are you up to?

What do you mean what am I up to?

Now, don't tell me you've invited
Betty Ramsey,

the Elsa Maxwell of Westport, to
lunch, too.

I gotta get the mints.

Now, Lucy...

Oh, hi, Ethel!

Hello.

Well, where's our hostess?

She's in the kitchen.

Hi, Betty!
Hi, dear.

How are you, dear?

Wonderful.

How's Ralph?
Fine.

He's still on the trip.

Oh, is he really?
I didn't know that.

Listen, lunch is all ready, so why
don't we sit down.

Oh, good.
I'm starved.

Sit right here, dear.

Thank you.

Right there, dear.

Oh, it looks wonderful, Lucy.

Good.

Lucy, I must tell you

I love that dinner dress

you had on last night.

LUCY: Oh, well, thank you.

It's real old, but it's my favorite,

so I just keep on wearing it and
wearing it.

Oh, yes, I know.
I do the same thing.

I get a dinner dress I like and I
wear it to death, too.

You're the same way, aren't you,
dear?

Oh, yes, every night when Fred and I
have dinner

in front of our TV set, I wear the
same old flannel bathrobe.

(guffawing)

Oh, she's a funny one.

You know, when you get to know Ethel
better,

you will find that she's more fun
than a barrel of monkeys.

Monkeys that seldom get invited out
of their barrel, that is.

(strained laughter)

There she goes again.

(clears throat)

Oh, Lucy, I was so flattered.

Kay Bailey asked me for the recipe
for my cake last night.

Did she?
Yes, she did.

I told her the secret were your fresh
eggs.

LUCY: Oh, well, thank you.

You know, we're in the egg business
together,

so half of those belong to Ethel.

Isn't that right, dear?

Yes, the shells.

That reminds me.

Did you notice my new
eggshell-colored cushions?

Yes, I saw them yesterday.

They're just right for that couch.

Oh, I'm glad you like them.

As a matter of fact, your house
really looks lovely.

Just lovely.

Thanks to you.

Now that you've got it all fixed up,

we'll have to have a housewarming
party.

Mm, oh, I would love that!

Oh, yeah, let's see.
We'll have, uh, the Baileys,

Bill and June Spear, the Munsons,

the Parkers...

And the Mertzes.

Oh, yes, and the Mertzes.

I'm afraid we can't make it.

Oh, that's a shame.

Now, dear, we haven't even set the
date yet.

Oh, but we're booked up months ahead.

There's the, uh, Hired-Hands
Convention

and, uh,

the Poultry Growers Annual Ball...

and the Baby-Sitters Amalgamated...

Dear, dear, dear...

why don't we wait until we set the
date.

I'm sure you'll be able to work
something out.

Oh, yes, it'd be such fun.

I love parties.

I've loved parties since I was a
little girl.

So have I.

And so have you, haven't you, dear?

I haven't been to a party since I was
a little girl.

Thank you.

I have sufficient.

Speaking of being a little girl,

you should hear about

the fascinating childhood that Ethel
has had.

You know, she was raised

on a ranch outside of Albuquerque,

and I want to tell you...

Albuquerque?
Is that where you're from?

Mm-hmm.

For heaven's sake, that's my
hometown.

Oh, really?

I was born there.

No kidding?

I was born there, too.

Well, what a wonderful coincidence!

Isn't it a small world?

What was your name before it was
Mertz?

Potter? What was yours?

Foster.

Not the Leslie Fosters?

Leslie's my father.

Well, Will Potter is my father.

Oh, no!

They belonged to the same lodge.

I'm from Jamestown.

Oh, my goodness, it certainly is a
small world.

So you're Ethel Potter.

And you were Betty Foster.

I was Lucy McGillicuddy.

Oh, I remember, your family moved
away

when you were just a little girl.

Yes, that's right.
I was just nine years old.

Just nine years old.

I lived in Jamestown till I was 17.

Why didn't you tell me you were from
Albuquerque?

Me? Why didn't you mention you were
from Albuquerque?

Ethel Potter!

Betty Foster!

Lucy.

What?! Yes?

Why don't you get Little Ethel Potter
and me

another cup of coffee?

I tell you.

Oh, I should have known you were from
Albuquerque.

You're so warm and friendly.

Uh, Betty, dear, uh, uh, Yes?

I just love the way you did Lucy's
house over for her.

Would you mind doing the same thing
for me?

Do my house over?

Oh, you know I'd love it.

Where'd you go to school?

Albuquerque Elementary.

So did I.

Strawberry shortcake, gooseberry pie

V-i-c-t-o-r-y.

Will we win...

Betty, it's Lucy.
Listen, I thought

I'd like to browse around

some of the local antique shops
today.

Want to go with me?

Oh.

Uh-huh.

Well, maybe some other time, then,
dear.

Okay, bye.

What's the matter, can't she go?

No, she's going into New York today.

FRED: What do you mean, you want $40
for a lamp?

ETHEL: It's what I said.

We don't have a decent lamp to read
by.

FRED: Listen, Ethel,

if you want to read, you can read by
firelight.

FRED: If it was good enough for
Abraham Lincoln,

it's good enough for you.

ETHEL: Oh, don't drag in your boyhood
pals, Fred.

Hey, listen, you two, stop your
arguing.

I'm on the intercom.

FRED: Who's arguing?

This is the way we always talk.

Oh, Fred.

Listen, Ethel, you want to go
antiquing with me today?

Oh, I can't. I'm going into New York

with Betty to look at lamps and
stuff.

Oh.

But thanks anyway.

Yeah.

What's the matter, honey?

Betty and Ethel are going into New
York together.

So what?

So, yesterday they went to New Canaan

to visit a mutual friend from
Albuquerque.

Yeah.

The day before that,

Ethel took Betty to the market with
her.

Ever since they had lunch here,
they've been thick as thieves.

Well, you wanted them to be friends.

Yeah, I want them to be friends.

So everything is working out fine.

Yeah, everything is working out fine.

What's so hot all of a sudden about
being born in Albuquerque?

What?

I could have been born there myself

if my family hadn't lived in
Jamestown.

Why, Lucy, I think you're jealous.

Jealous?

Ha!

You're acting jealous.

Not in the least.

Look, if a person brings her two best
friends together

so that they can become friends

and those two friends become friends

and then they choose to ignore the
friend

who brought them together in the
first place,

then those friends are no longer
friends of mine.

Why, honey, you don't mean that.

I certainly do, too,

and I don't care if I never speak to
them again in my life!

What's the matter now?

My two best friends just went by arm
in arm.

(wailing)

I still don't believe it.

I did, too.

I talked to the moon last night.

Did they answer?

No, but maybe they will today.

Okay, let's try it.

BETTY: You know, Ethel, maybe you
could use a lamp

like we have in our den.

I could bring it over tonight and see
what it looks like.

And the next time we go into New
York,

I could get you one just like it.

ETHEL: Oh, that'd be great!

Would you tell me if you think

I should wallpaper the halls?

Sure. Let's go look at it.

That isn't the moon That's my mommy.

Maybe your mommy's on the moon.

No, she's with your Aunt Ethel.

Got some cookies I'm hungry?

Yeah. Come on!

Glad you liked the idea of the
wallpaper.

But maybe I ought to ask Lucy what
she thinks.

After all, she owns this house.

By the way, Ethel,

Lucy's been acting so strange lately.

If I didn't know better,

I'd think she was jealous of our
friendship.

Oh, why should she be jealous?

She's the one who brought us
together.

Well, I just can't figure her out.

When you've known Lucy as long as I
have,

you won't try to figure her out.

Ethel, I have a little housewarming
gift

for you here.

A housewarming gift!
Why, thanks.

But, uh, since Lucy's been acting so
funny,

I don't think you ought to tell her I
bought it for you.

Okay.

Go, ahead, open it.

(paper rustling)

FRED: What's that, Ethel?

ETHEL: It's a housewarming gift.

But whatever you do, don't tell Lucy.

FRED: Oh, all right.

BETTY: Well, I've got to run now.

Don't forget tonight, Ethel.

ETHEL: Don't worry, Betty, I won't.

(door shuts)

(whistling)

Honey, I have been such a fool.

What do you mean, dear?

Oh, you know, I was kind of upset
about Betty and Ethel

seeing so much of each other, but...

Do you know what those two little
dears been up to?

What?
They're giving us

a surprise housewarming party
tonight.

They are?
Yeah.

How do you know?

I just heard them on the intercom.

And, you know, they were looking

at a housewarming gift for us,

and Ethel told Fred not to tell me
about it.

You see, honey, and you were jealous.

Jealous?

Oh, What in the world are you talking
about?

How could I possibly be jealous of my
two very best friends?

(chuckling): Oh, honey.

Oh, jealous, never, never.

(sighs)

Honey, I-I still say that we're too
dressed up.

They'll know that we're expecting
them.

Now, honey, if I'm gonna be
surprised,

I want to be surprised in my best
dress.

Won't they be suspicious?

We never dress like this when we
spend an evening alone.

Well, how do they know?

They're never with us

when we spend an evening alone.

Well, there you got me.

Well, I don't know.

It's after 9:00.

Are you sure the party's tonight?

Of course, dear.

Well, where are they?

Well, they're probably gathering

over at the Mertzes, you know,

and they all want to come over
together.

Oh.

What are you doing?

Oh.

I was practicing looking surprised.

Oh.

I don't want to spoil their fun.

You ought to do it, too.

You ought to try it.
Go ahead.

Try it.
Try what?

Try looking surprised.

Oh, honey, it's a surprise party, not
a holdup.

Don't pop your eyes out like that.

I can't help it.

When I'm surprised, my eyes pop out.

Well, not so far, then.
You looked like

you just stuck your finger in a light
socket.

Come on, let's have a dress rehearsal
at the door.

A dress rehearsal?

Yeah. We're gonna practice looking
surprised, see?

I'll go outside and rap,

and then when I come in, you look
surprised, see?

Okay, let's try it.

This girl.

(knock at door)

Surprise!

Honey, that is not a look of
surprise.

Yes, it is.

I'll be surprised if my ribs aren't
broken.

Oh, now...

Come on now, you go out.

(chuckling): Go ahead, honey.

Now you surprise me.

(knocking)

Come in.

Surprise!

Surprise!

I thought I was supposed to surprise
you.

Well, honey, I'm sorry.
but, you know, sometimes

the guests come in and hide while the
people are out

and then when they come home,

they jump out and surprise them...

(gasps)

I'll bet that's why they're not here.

They're waiting for us to got out

so that they can come in here and
hide.

Hey, you get our coats.

Where are you going?

Just get our coats.

Ethel?

Yeah?

Ethel, dear, we're going into town
for about 20 minutes.

Would, uh, you leave the intercom
open

so you can hear Little Ricky?

ETHEL: Okay.

Okay, dear, remember we'll be back in
20 minutes.

Okay. Gee, it's lucky you caught me.

I was just getting ready to go to
bed.

Oh? Oh. Uh-huh.

(whispering): She's waiting for us to
go out.

Well, we're home.

Yep, here we are.

So hang up my coat...

(humming)

Well, we're home.

Yep, here we are.

Dee-da dee-da-do

It's so nice to be home...

Want something to eat, dear?

Yes, yes.
Okay.

Let's go in the kitchen, have
something to eat.

Okay.

Well, you must have been wrong,
honey.

I don't think anybody's giving us a
party tonight.

Yes, they are, dear-- I heard them on
the intercom.

Well, you must have misunderstood,
honey.

They wouldn't wait this long

if they were gonna give us a party.

Oh, now, they might.

You know, just to throw us off the
track.

That Ethel's a sly one, you know.

She just might wait this long

so it'd be so late that we'd just...

You're right, we're not having any
party.

You don't have to cry

because we're not having a party.

I'm not crying because we're not
having a party.

I'm crying because we don't have any
friends.

RICKY: Oh, now, of course, we've got
friends.

No, we haven't.

Sure, they're good friends of yours.

Come on, let's go to bed.

I don't want to go to bed!

(Lucy crying over intercom)
Fred! Fred!

Come down here quick!

Hurry up, Fred!

Oh, dear.

What's the matter?

What's going on?

Oh, Fred, I just heard

Lucy and Ricky talking on the
intercom,

and they think we're having a
surprise housewarming party

for them tonight.

Where'd they get that idea?

Well, I don't know, but we gotta do
something.

I don't know what you're gonna do,

but I'm going back to bed.

Oh, now, Fred, those poor little
things,

they're sitting over there,

thinking they haven't got a friend in
the world.

What time is it?
10:00.

They haven't.

Fred, now, we've got to do something.

Uh, here.
Wrap that as a gift.

Wrap that as a gift.

I'll call Betty Ramsey

and have her round up a lot of the
neighbors

and we'll give them a party.

Oh, brother, there goes my beauty
sleep.

(knocking)

(insistent knocking)

(knocking continues)

Coming.

Surprise!

Oh, am I surprised.

You think you're surprised!

Happy housewarming!

You didn't have any idea.

Oh, no, I certainly...

(all laughing and chattering
excitedly)

Oh, honestly...

Happy housewarming.

Oh, honey!

That's a present to you from me.

Oh, oh, boy...

Oh, you shouldn't have.

Hey, I gave you one just like that.

Oh, well, now, that's funny.

Well, now we've each got one.
Yeah.

Come on, are we gonna have this party
or not?!

Everybody, make yourselves at home.

I'll get some ice.

Take off your coat, Fred.

Take your coat off, Fred.

Come on, Fred, take your coat off.

Ethel.

Fred!

I thought you told me this was a
slumber party.

(applause)

(band plays dramatic note to
conclusion)

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ANNOUNCER: "I Love Lucy"

starring Lucille Ball

and Desi Arnaz

has been presented for your pleasure

by Instant Sanka,

the hearty coffee you can drink as
strong as you like,

it still can't upset your nerves.

("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)

"I Love Lucy" is a Desilu production.

Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz

will be back next week at this same
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