I Love Lucy (1951–1957): Season 6, Episode 19 - Lucy Raises Chickens - full transcript
Bills, bills, bills! Ricky is on a rant about how, indeed, living in Connecticut is very expensive. Lucy suggests that they are not being resourceful and that many of their neighbors run small businesses to help with the high cost of living. Lucy's idea is to buy some chickens and sell fresh eggs. The Ricardos run the idea by the Mertzes during a visit and Fred thinks it's a great plan. Fred was raised on a farm, so when the Ricardos advertise for a hired hand, the Mertzes apply and, of course, get the job. Not only are they partners in business, but neighbors yet again - the Mertzes have a manager for their NYC apartment building. In the meantime, Betty Ramsey tells Lucy that her editor friends at House and Garden Magazine would be interested in featuring her home. Lucy is thrilled, but is sidetracked when she and Ethel buy 500 baby chicks before Fred is finished working on the chicken coop. Things run amok when the chicks are let loose in the house, and amid the chaos, Betty arrives with her magazine friends. Lucy is stunned and must content herself that her home has a better chance of appearing in the next issue of 'The Chicken Breeders' Gazette.'
Bills, bills, bills!
That's all there is in the mail this
morning.
Lucy...
I'm sorry, I bought it.
I didn't want it anyway,
and I'll take it back tomorrow.
No, no, no, honey, it's not you this
time.
These are household bills.
Oh, thank goodness.
The house is gonna catch it for a
change.
How can we spend so much money?
Listen to this: heating bill-- $52,
telephone-- $23,
electric bill-- $18.75,
water-- $16.
How are we gonna pay all these bills?
Well, now, honey,
you don't have to pay them all at
once.
Look... look, I got a system.
See? We put them all
in the lazy Susan like this, see?
Just like that.
Now, we spin it around
and any bill that stays on gets paid.
See?
The lucky winner
is the Connecticut Light and Power
Company.
Lucy, we can't pay our bills
by spinning them around on a lousy
Susan.
It's a lazy Susan.
Well, whatever it is.
How do you suggest we pay all the
unlucky losers?
Well...
What's this one here?
Groceries-- $88!
How can three people eat so much?
It's five people.
Don't forget the Mertzes have been
here every weekend,
and you know how this country air
affects Ethel's appetite.
Well, maybe this weekend
you'd better tell Ethel to breathe a
little less.
They're only gonna be here one day
this time,
and, anyway, you know you love having
them.
I know, I love having them, honey,
but the money just keeps going out
and out and...
What's this?
Tree surgery-- $50.
Well, now, honey,
you know how sick that poor elm was
outside
It needed attention.
I know, but $50?!
I could have had my appendix taken
out.
Oh, honey, now,
you knew it was gonna cost more
living in the country.
I didn't know it was gonna
cost this much more.
Well, I'll say one thing for those
bills.
They've certainly taken your mind off
the $3,000 I paid
for the furniture.
(screams)
Oh, I've forgotten all about that.
Oh, me and my big mouth.
You spent $3,000 for new furniture!
Well, now, honey, it would have cost
a lot more
if Betty Ramsey hadn't gotten us that
discount.
That's another thing.
Oh...
If Betty Ramsey hadn't taken you to
that wholesale house,
you wouldn't have spent nearly as
much.
Oh, me, I gotta have a talk with my
mouth.
Wouldn't you know?
Wouldn't you know that we would just
move right next door
to somebody like Betty Ramsey?
She's the nosiest,
most meddling female that I have
ever...
LUCY: Oh, hi, Betty!
Hi, Betty!
How are you, Betty?
Hi, Ricky.
I'm sorry to barge in,
but I've got the most wonderful news.
What?
I just talked
to this friend of mine who writes
for House and Garden magazine,
and I told her about your house.
Well, she'd love to see it,
and if she likes it,
she's gonna do a whole spread of
pictures
of your house in her magazine.
Oh, Betty, how wonderful.
Isn't that exciting, Ricky?
Yeah, exciting.
Oh-ho-ho, Ricky, and you were worried
about Lucy spending all that money
for furniture.
(wry chuckle): Yeah.
Betty, I don't really have time to
talk to you about it
but I think it's wonderful.
That's really thrilling news, Betty.
Bye!
Oh, just think, honey.
Maybe we're gonna get a picture of
our home
in House and Garden.
Yeah, great, and that'll be another
expense.
Now we'll have to buy 50 copies of
the magazine.
Oh...
Gee, honey,
I guess you're right about it
being more expensive living in the
country
but it doesn't have to be.
What do you mean?
Well, we're not making the country
work for us.
You know, we could raise things.
You're right. First thing we gotta
raise is money
to pay for these bills.
No, now, I'm serious.
A lot of people around here
make extra money by farming.
Now, we could have apple orchards
and grape vineyards
and maybe some grain and wheat fields
and...
and a herd or two of cattle, maybe.
Lucy, we only own two acres, you
know.
What you're talking about
would take the entire state of
Ay-oh-a-way.
"Ay-oh-a-way"?
Well, how do you think the state of
"Ay-oh-a-way" got started?
Farming, huh?
That's right.
Well, maybe we could do a little
farming,
but it's got to be on a small scale.
Something small, now, something
small.
Chickens!
Let's raise chickens.
What about corn?
Why corn instead of chickens?
Well, we'll sleep a lot better.
Corn doesn't crow at 5:00 in the
morning.
We'll make a lot more money raising
chickens.
Yeah, how do you figure?
Well, chickens lay eggs, right?
I can't argue with you on that.
And eggs are 75 cents a dozen.
That's clear profit right there.
Yeah, well, suppose the chickens stop
laying eggs?
Once a chicken is all egged out, you
sell it for poultry.
You can't lose.
What about 'spenses?
Oh, what "spenses" are there?
Shelter and some food.
What can a little grain and corn
cost?
50 cents a sack-- that's chicken
feed.
(laughing)
Chicken feed.
(laughing harder)
Well, when you stop cackling...
who's gonna take care of all these
chickens?
Well, what's there to take care of?
As fast as they drop the eggs,
we pick them up and put them in the
cartons.
Well, it sounds good.
Sure, it's a snap.
And who knows, maybe later on
we can train the chickens to lay the
eggs right in the cartons.
You know, cut out the middle man.
Well, honey, if the business folds,
we can always eat the inventory.
That's true.
Sure.
So we figure that by selling the
eggs,
and marketing the chickens,
we could make a nice piece of change.
And it was all my idea.
RICKY: Yeah.
What's the matter?
Haven't you ever seen me eat before?
I've never seen you do anything else.
I don't see you going on any hunger
strike.
Well, Fred, what do you think of our
little scheme?
Well, it sounds pretty good,
but you'd better hire somebody
with experience to handle it for you.
Well, if we gotta get somebody,
then it's out of the question.
We can't afford to hire a hand.
We can't even afford to hire a
finger.
You don't have to pay him a salary,
Rick.
Let him work, give him a place to
live
and cut him in for a share of the
profit.
Oh, are there people who do that?
Why, sure, we had a man who did just
that
when I was a little boy on the farm.
Huh. It's hard to believe Fred was
ever on a farm.
It's hard to believe he was ever a
little boy.
(Ethel and Lucy cackling)
All right, you two, all right.
You know, Fred, if we could get
somebody like that, it might be worth
it.
Yeah, it might be profitable for both
parties.
Hey, if we got a chicken fellow,
he could live in the guest house.
Yeah. How do you go about getting
someone like that?
Well, put an ad in the local paper.
Yeah, that's a good idea.
Now, let's see, what will we say?
I had a pencil around here.
What happened to it?
Maybe Ethel ate it.
You write out the ad, Rick,
and we'll drop it off at the
newspaper
on our way to the station.
Okay, now, let's see.
How do we start it, Fred?
Well, you gotta have a tricky heading
for the ad.
Something that'll catch their eye.
Uh-huh.
I know. "Become a millionaire
overnight."
That's a little bit too optimistic,
don't you think?
How about "Get rich quick"?
That's still too much.
Why don't you just say
"Want to pour your money down a rat
hole?"
Now, honey, don't be silly.
Besides, there's no money required.
There's your heading: "No money
required."
That'd sure catch my eye.
"No money required." That's good.
"No... money... required."
Now, what else?
Wanted...
"Wanted." That's good.
"'Sperienced chicken farmer."
How do you spell 'sperience?
E-x-p...
"E-x", you're kidding?
E-x-p-e-r...
What do you know?
E-x-p...
Honey, we got some answers to our ad.
Oh, any good ones?
Well, this sounds pretty good,
but he's got 12 children.
There's no place to put them all.
Well, don't throw away his address.
He sounds like a great customer for
our eggs.
Here's a kid who's going to
agricultural college.
Oh, he sounds good.
Well, he's not for us, though.
He's a sophomore,
and he wants us to hold the job open
until he graduates.
Oh, no.
Here's one I haven't seen yet.
Let's see.
"In answer to your ad,
"I present the following
qualifications.
"I was born and raised on a farm in
the Midwest,
"and I'm very familiar with chickens.
"I am an industrious, intelligent and
reliable veteran
of World War I."
Oh, he's an old codger.
"Although my wife and I live in the
city,
"we're most anxious to return to the
simple life.
"Having been in show business
"for a long while, I feel especially
qualified
"for this position
since over the years, I have laid
many an egg myself."
He's got a good sense of humor.
Yeah.
"If you're interested, just open your
front door.
"My wife and I are waiting
"on the porch.
Sincerely yours, Fred H. Mertz."
Oh, no!
Are they kidding?
Oh!
Fred and Ethel!
I don't believe it.
What is this?
I hear you're looking for a good
hired hand.
We almost froze hiding out there.
We thought you'd never come out for
the mail.
Oh, honestly.
You mean, this whole thing isn't a
joke?
We were never more serious in our
lives.
We've been talking about it
ever since we left here Saturday.
Just made the decision this morning.
This morning? Well, how'd your letter
get here so fast?
We brought it up with us on the train
and stuck it in your mailbox.
Oh, for heaven's sake.
Didn't you notice the stamp?
No.
No.
An Easter seal.
(cackling)
You don't think Fred'd waste three
cents?
LUCY: Oh, honey!
Oh, come on in!
I was afraid you'd catch onto it.
LUCY: Oh, I never had an idea.
Ah, what a nice surprise!
Glad to be here.
Gosh, imagine you two applying for
the job.
Why, we never thought of you.
No.
We never thought of us either
until after we got to town.
We've been talking about it ever
since.
Fred was so excited, he couldn't
sleep.
I can top that.
Ethel was so excited, she couldn't
eat.
Oh, honey, I just think this is
marvelous.
And best of all, if you give us the
job,
we'll be near you again.
Of course you've got the job.
Fred, do you really know anything
about chickens?
Well, for the past 25 years, I've
been henpecked.
Remember, Rick, I told you I was
raised on a farm.
Well, partner, you got yourself a
job.
We're in the chicken business
together.
Fine.
Oh, that's wonderful.
Hey, what about your apartment?
Mrs. Trumbull's sister wants to move
in
and manage the building for us.
Oh, that's wonderful.
She'll move in anytime we give her
the high sign.
Well, that's just wonderful.
Then it's all settled, huh?
Lucy, Lucy...
What?
Well, now, we can't move into the
guest house
until all of our stuff gets here.
Oh, honey, you can stay
in our spare room upstairs.
Oh, good, fine.
Sure.
Well, look, we can start in the
chicken business right away.
Let's see now.
What do we want first?
Baby chicks.
Hold it, Lucy. Hold it.
We got a lot of fixing up to do in
that henhouse.
I gotta paint, plaster, put up
chicken wire.
That'll take at least a week.
A week?
Yes.
Oh, my. Well, if we're gonna live
with you for a week,
before we can go into business
together,
we want to pay you rent.
Oh, Ethel, no.
No, that's out of the question.
I'll say it is.
Fred, we are paying rent.
FRED: Oh, for corn's sake.
(Ricky laughs)
What's so funny?
I was just thinking,
after all these years,
I'm going to be Fred's landlord.
(laughs)
Well, I hope you'll be a good one,
Rick.
Well, I'll try to be
as good a landlord as you were.
Uh-oh, we're in trouble.
Oh-ho-ho!
Brrrr!
Yoo-hoo!
Anybody home?
Just the hired hand, ma'am.
FRED: Hi.
Oh, hi, Fred.
Where's Little Ricky?
He's next door, playing with the
Ramsey kid.
Oh.
What have you been doing, Fred?
Plastering the cracks in the henhouse
all afternoon
that you were supposed to help me
with.
That's what I've been doing, Fred.
The hired help seems to be getting
nastier all the time.
What have you been doing?
Well, we...
You tell him, Lucy.
Okay. Well, as you know, Fred,
we went into the village to do a
little shopping
and we just happened to pass the
hatchery
and we went in to browse.
Well, we just couldn't resist.
Fred, you and Ethel are now the proud
parents
of 500 baby chicks!
Congratulations, you old rooster.
The same to you, you old hen.
We can have them delivered next week
when the henhouse is ready.
Oh, the henhouse is fine,
and after all, chickens aren't fussy.
Yeah, we were just down there.
And your little family seems to love
it.
Holy mackerel!
Do you mean to tell me
that you put 500 baby chicks in that
henhouse?
Yeah. Why not?
Are you crazy?
In this cold weather, they'll freeze
their fuzz off.
Well, Fred, they're all in boxes.
Oh... but they gotta be kept warm.
Now you phone that hatchery
and tell them to send two brooders
over here right away.
Two brooders?
Yes. Right away.
Come on now, you help me bring those
chickens in here
so they'll stay warm.
Oh, I will, I will.
I never heard of such a thing.
Freeze their fuzz off?
(banging on door)
Okay!
Okay, Fred, careful on the step.
Yeah.
Take off the feed, Lucy.
Take the feed.
Gee, it is cold out there.
Whew!
Did you phone the hatchery?
Oh, yes, Fred, I did,
but they were already closed.
Oh, my! What'll we do with them,
Fred?
We'll keep them in the house till
tomorrow.
Oh, it's a good thing we got this
feed.
Uh, where shall we put them?
What's the warmest room in the house?
Well, the den, I guess.
It's right over the furnace.
Well, open the vents in the den
and turn the heat up to 90.
Ninety?
Yes, ninety.
We want to raise chickens, not roast
them.
Baby chicks have to have a
temperature of 90 degrees.
Now, don't stand there and argue.
Turn up the heat.
All right!
All right.
Oh, my, that's the first time in his
life
Fred's ever said, "Turn up the heat."
You never did this for me.
You're no chicken, Ethel.
(baby chicks cheeping)
Where's a good place?
Right here.
right here, Fred.
Oh, oh...
Ooh, ooh...
Push it over a little bit.
Oh, boy.
Whew!
Hey, let's take the boxes...
the covers off the boxes.
I'll bet it's very stuffy in here.
I'll go and check the furnace.
We gotta keep these chickens warm.
Okay.
(laughs)
Oh, aren't they the cutest little
things you ever saw?
LUCY: Oh, God love them.
Aren't they funny?
Hello, you little darlings.
Oh, my goodness.
Look at those little things.
Hello, lovie.
They're so soft and sweet.
You can hardly feel one in your
hands.
Hey, listen.
They're talking about Fred.
They're talking about Fred?
Yeah, they're saying, "cheap, cheap,
cheap."
Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello!
Gee, I bet they're hungry.
Let's feed them.
Okay.
I'll push this back.
You stay in those boxes till I get
ready for you.
Lucy, what are you doing?
I'm setting the table for their
dinner.
Don't you just leave them in the
boxes?
No, it's too cramped in there.
They gotta have elbow room.
You're gonna let them out?
Yeah, we'll put them all down here.
Sure.
Oh, well, I'll get mine out, huh?
Yeah.
Come on, honey.
Come on, honey.
Come on.
Come and get it!
Come on, honey.
Oh, you're gonna have some food.
Come and get it.
Isn't this fun?
Come on.
Here you go.
Get out there.
Wow-dee-oh!
Wow-dee-yow-dee!
Here you go!
Get out from underneath there.
Come on there, fellas.
Here you go.
Come on.
Here you are. Get out.
Right over there.
Right over there.
Here you are, get out.
Go, go, go.
Oh, my.
Come and get it!
Over here, come on, fellows.
Over here, over here, over here.
Come on.
Come on.
Here you are.
Here you are.
Oh, careful, Fred, careful.
LUCY: Careful!
Oh, come on.
Goodness sakes, why'd you let them
out?
So they'd have room to eat.
It's crowded in those boxes.
Well, I guess it'll be all right for
a few minutes.
It's hot in here now.
Yeah.
Oh, boy, I'll say it is.
Say, watching them eat has made me
kind of hungry.
Let's have a little snack, Lucy?
Okay, good idea.
Not till you put
those chickens back in their boxes.
Oh, no, Fred, let them eat.
We'll put them back in after we
finish.
Good-bye.
Come on, fellas.
Enjoy your dinner.
Have a good time.
There you go, over there. Over there.
Oh, brother.
Wall-to-wall chickens!
Oh, boy, it was hot in there.
I'll say.
Gee, I don't want to be around
when Ricky finds 500 chickens in the
den.
I'll tell you one thing.
He's gonna be plenty miserable
when he starts reading his newspaper.
What do you want to eat, Ethel?
Oh, just something to nibble on.
How about a chicken leg?
Shh, Ethel!
Oh, I hope they didn't hear you.
I'm sorry, honey.
My gosh.
Most chicken farmers only have foxes
to worry about.
We got Ethel, too.
(baby chicks cheeping)
Mommy!
Oh, boy!
Boy, those chicks are noisy little
fellows, aren't they?
Yeah, they have strong lungs.
You can hear them all the way from
the den.
If I didn't know,
I'd swear they were right in the next
room.
LITTLE RICKY: Mommy, look!
Oh, hi, sweetheart.
Oh, yeah, you found them.
Isn't that the sweetest thing?
Did you close the den door, dear?
I don't remember.
You don't remember?
Oh, Lucy!
Oh, no!
Oh, my gosh.
Oh, no wonder they sounded like
they were right in the next room.
Quick, open the vents and let in more
heat.
Hurry.
Oh, my....
ETHEL: Oh, fellas, fellas, come on
now.
Chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp.
Back to the den.
Oh, dear!
Come on, fellas.
Come on.
Back, back, back.
Back to the den.
Back to the den.
To the rear march!
To the rear march!
Oh, come on, fellas.
Come on, now. Come on, come on, come
on, come on.
Come on, come on.
Fred, what'll we do?
You were raised on a farm.
I don't know.
We were kind of funny farmers.
We kept our chickens in the henhouse.
Come on now.
431...
432... 433.
Now, let's see.
Oh, Ethel, we're still missing 67
chicks.
Oh... well, where would you go if you
were 67 chicks?
Anywhere to get out of this 90-degree
heat.
They gotta be around here somewhere.
Chick, chick, chick, chick, chick.
Come on, come on, chickens.
Chick, chick, chick, chick, chick,
chick.
Oh, where's Fred?
He's making us some lemonade.
Oh, good for him.
Chick, chick, chick, chick...
(clucking like a chicken)
Chicky-chicky-chicky, chick, chick,
chick!
Come on. Chicky, chicky, chicky!
Oh...
65-- I just found two more.
(chirping and clucking)
Come on out of...
Come on! Come on!
(baby chicks cheeping)
All right. Come and get it!
Cool and refreshing.
There you are.
Oh! Oh!
I know, I know.
(sighs)
Oh, boy, that just hits the spot!
Oh, I'll say it does.
It's like a steam bath in here.
What's the latest count?
65 still at large.
Any suggestions?
Yeah. Let's wait till they grow up.
They'll be easier to find.
Hello?
Oh, we're in here, honey.
Hey, it's hot in here.
LUCY: Yeah.
Why, it's over 90.
FRED: Don't touch that thermostat!
What's the matter?
What's going on?
What's all this?
Why is the heat up so high?
Why are you dressed up like that?
What questions do you want me to
answer:
"What's going on?
What's all this?"
"Why is the heat up so high?"
Or "why are we dressed like this?"
Answer them all.
Okay.
Boy, it's hot!
These are baby chicks
and the heat's up so high so they
won't freeze.
We're dressed like this so we won't
roast,
and this is all going on
'cause Little Ricky left the door to
the den open,
and would you care for some lemonade?
Well, I like to think that I got into
the wrong house,
but I know I didn't.
No, you didn't.
Well, Rick, you see,
Lucy and I bought 500 baby chicks.
Yeah. Aren't they cute, honey?
Adorable, but what are they doing
here?
Well, we had to bring them into the
house
because these two dumb Doras
didn't know that you have to keep
baby chicks in brooders.
Why, anybody knows
that you have to keep baby chicks in
a brooder.
What's a brooder?
It's a contraption to keep them warm.
Oh, well, come on.
Let's get them out of here, put them
in the den
and let's cool off the rest of the
house.
We can't.
Why not?
Because, sir, 65 of our chickens are
missing
Well, I can't stand this heat any
longer.
Well, now, Rick, we gotta keep it
this hot
until we find the missing chicks.
All right, come on, let's find them.
Oh, we've been looking, Ricky.
Pollito, pollito, pollito, aqui,
aqui, pollito!
Pollito!
Pollito!
Ricky, in English.
In English.
Oh....
Chick, chick, chick, chick,
chick, chick, chick, chick!
Chicky!
Boy, it's hot in here.
ETHEL: Hey, there's a bunch of them
out here under the clothes dryer!
Well, get them out of there.
Oh, I can't reach them.
They're all huddled up against the
wall.
I'll help you.
Chicky, come on.
Chicky!
Come on, chick.
Chick, chick, chick!
Are you getting them?
LUCY: No, I can't reach them either.
Well, you need any help?
No. I got an idea.
I think I'll pretend I'm their
mother.
Maybe they'll follow me.
(squawking)
RICKY: Hey, she's getting them.
RICKY: Over here, honey.
Over here, honey.
(Lucy squawking)
ETHEL: That's it.
That's it.
Hi, Betty.
(squawks louder)
Lucy, these are the people
from House and Garden magazine.
I don't think so.
Oh, dear, no.
BETTY: I'll call you later, Lucy.
(baby chicks cheeping)
Oh, dear!
Now we'll never get our picture in
House and Garden.
That's all right, honey. Don't worry.
Maybe we'll make the next issue of
Chicken Breeders' Gazette.
Oh...
Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
(wailing squawk)
(applause)
("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)
ANNOUNCER: "I Love Lucy" is a Desilu
production.
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz
will be back next week at this same
time.
That's all there is in the mail this
morning.
Lucy...
I'm sorry, I bought it.
I didn't want it anyway,
and I'll take it back tomorrow.
No, no, no, honey, it's not you this
time.
These are household bills.
Oh, thank goodness.
The house is gonna catch it for a
change.
How can we spend so much money?
Listen to this: heating bill-- $52,
telephone-- $23,
electric bill-- $18.75,
water-- $16.
How are we gonna pay all these bills?
Well, now, honey,
you don't have to pay them all at
once.
Look... look, I got a system.
See? We put them all
in the lazy Susan like this, see?
Just like that.
Now, we spin it around
and any bill that stays on gets paid.
See?
The lucky winner
is the Connecticut Light and Power
Company.
Lucy, we can't pay our bills
by spinning them around on a lousy
Susan.
It's a lazy Susan.
Well, whatever it is.
How do you suggest we pay all the
unlucky losers?
Well...
What's this one here?
Groceries-- $88!
How can three people eat so much?
It's five people.
Don't forget the Mertzes have been
here every weekend,
and you know how this country air
affects Ethel's appetite.
Well, maybe this weekend
you'd better tell Ethel to breathe a
little less.
They're only gonna be here one day
this time,
and, anyway, you know you love having
them.
I know, I love having them, honey,
but the money just keeps going out
and out and...
What's this?
Tree surgery-- $50.
Well, now, honey,
you know how sick that poor elm was
outside
It needed attention.
I know, but $50?!
I could have had my appendix taken
out.
Oh, honey, now,
you knew it was gonna cost more
living in the country.
I didn't know it was gonna
cost this much more.
Well, I'll say one thing for those
bills.
They've certainly taken your mind off
the $3,000 I paid
for the furniture.
(screams)
Oh, I've forgotten all about that.
Oh, me and my big mouth.
You spent $3,000 for new furniture!
Well, now, honey, it would have cost
a lot more
if Betty Ramsey hadn't gotten us that
discount.
That's another thing.
Oh...
If Betty Ramsey hadn't taken you to
that wholesale house,
you wouldn't have spent nearly as
much.
Oh, me, I gotta have a talk with my
mouth.
Wouldn't you know?
Wouldn't you know that we would just
move right next door
to somebody like Betty Ramsey?
She's the nosiest,
most meddling female that I have
ever...
LUCY: Oh, hi, Betty!
Hi, Betty!
How are you, Betty?
Hi, Ricky.
I'm sorry to barge in,
but I've got the most wonderful news.
What?
I just talked
to this friend of mine who writes
for House and Garden magazine,
and I told her about your house.
Well, she'd love to see it,
and if she likes it,
she's gonna do a whole spread of
pictures
of your house in her magazine.
Oh, Betty, how wonderful.
Isn't that exciting, Ricky?
Yeah, exciting.
Oh-ho-ho, Ricky, and you were worried
about Lucy spending all that money
for furniture.
(wry chuckle): Yeah.
Betty, I don't really have time to
talk to you about it
but I think it's wonderful.
That's really thrilling news, Betty.
Bye!
Oh, just think, honey.
Maybe we're gonna get a picture of
our home
in House and Garden.
Yeah, great, and that'll be another
expense.
Now we'll have to buy 50 copies of
the magazine.
Oh...
Gee, honey,
I guess you're right about it
being more expensive living in the
country
but it doesn't have to be.
What do you mean?
Well, we're not making the country
work for us.
You know, we could raise things.
You're right. First thing we gotta
raise is money
to pay for these bills.
No, now, I'm serious.
A lot of people around here
make extra money by farming.
Now, we could have apple orchards
and grape vineyards
and maybe some grain and wheat fields
and...
and a herd or two of cattle, maybe.
Lucy, we only own two acres, you
know.
What you're talking about
would take the entire state of
Ay-oh-a-way.
"Ay-oh-a-way"?
Well, how do you think the state of
"Ay-oh-a-way" got started?
Farming, huh?
That's right.
Well, maybe we could do a little
farming,
but it's got to be on a small scale.
Something small, now, something
small.
Chickens!
Let's raise chickens.
What about corn?
Why corn instead of chickens?
Well, we'll sleep a lot better.
Corn doesn't crow at 5:00 in the
morning.
We'll make a lot more money raising
chickens.
Yeah, how do you figure?
Well, chickens lay eggs, right?
I can't argue with you on that.
And eggs are 75 cents a dozen.
That's clear profit right there.
Yeah, well, suppose the chickens stop
laying eggs?
Once a chicken is all egged out, you
sell it for poultry.
You can't lose.
What about 'spenses?
Oh, what "spenses" are there?
Shelter and some food.
What can a little grain and corn
cost?
50 cents a sack-- that's chicken
feed.
(laughing)
Chicken feed.
(laughing harder)
Well, when you stop cackling...
who's gonna take care of all these
chickens?
Well, what's there to take care of?
As fast as they drop the eggs,
we pick them up and put them in the
cartons.
Well, it sounds good.
Sure, it's a snap.
And who knows, maybe later on
we can train the chickens to lay the
eggs right in the cartons.
You know, cut out the middle man.
Well, honey, if the business folds,
we can always eat the inventory.
That's true.
Sure.
So we figure that by selling the
eggs,
and marketing the chickens,
we could make a nice piece of change.
And it was all my idea.
RICKY: Yeah.
What's the matter?
Haven't you ever seen me eat before?
I've never seen you do anything else.
I don't see you going on any hunger
strike.
Well, Fred, what do you think of our
little scheme?
Well, it sounds pretty good,
but you'd better hire somebody
with experience to handle it for you.
Well, if we gotta get somebody,
then it's out of the question.
We can't afford to hire a hand.
We can't even afford to hire a
finger.
You don't have to pay him a salary,
Rick.
Let him work, give him a place to
live
and cut him in for a share of the
profit.
Oh, are there people who do that?
Why, sure, we had a man who did just
that
when I was a little boy on the farm.
Huh. It's hard to believe Fred was
ever on a farm.
It's hard to believe he was ever a
little boy.
(Ethel and Lucy cackling)
All right, you two, all right.
You know, Fred, if we could get
somebody like that, it might be worth
it.
Yeah, it might be profitable for both
parties.
Hey, if we got a chicken fellow,
he could live in the guest house.
Yeah. How do you go about getting
someone like that?
Well, put an ad in the local paper.
Yeah, that's a good idea.
Now, let's see, what will we say?
I had a pencil around here.
What happened to it?
Maybe Ethel ate it.
You write out the ad, Rick,
and we'll drop it off at the
newspaper
on our way to the station.
Okay, now, let's see.
How do we start it, Fred?
Well, you gotta have a tricky heading
for the ad.
Something that'll catch their eye.
Uh-huh.
I know. "Become a millionaire
overnight."
That's a little bit too optimistic,
don't you think?
How about "Get rich quick"?
That's still too much.
Why don't you just say
"Want to pour your money down a rat
hole?"
Now, honey, don't be silly.
Besides, there's no money required.
There's your heading: "No money
required."
That'd sure catch my eye.
"No money required." That's good.
"No... money... required."
Now, what else?
Wanted...
"Wanted." That's good.
"'Sperienced chicken farmer."
How do you spell 'sperience?
E-x-p...
"E-x", you're kidding?
E-x-p-e-r...
What do you know?
E-x-p...
Honey, we got some answers to our ad.
Oh, any good ones?
Well, this sounds pretty good,
but he's got 12 children.
There's no place to put them all.
Well, don't throw away his address.
He sounds like a great customer for
our eggs.
Here's a kid who's going to
agricultural college.
Oh, he sounds good.
Well, he's not for us, though.
He's a sophomore,
and he wants us to hold the job open
until he graduates.
Oh, no.
Here's one I haven't seen yet.
Let's see.
"In answer to your ad,
"I present the following
qualifications.
"I was born and raised on a farm in
the Midwest,
"and I'm very familiar with chickens.
"I am an industrious, intelligent and
reliable veteran
of World War I."
Oh, he's an old codger.
"Although my wife and I live in the
city,
"we're most anxious to return to the
simple life.
"Having been in show business
"for a long while, I feel especially
qualified
"for this position
since over the years, I have laid
many an egg myself."
He's got a good sense of humor.
Yeah.
"If you're interested, just open your
front door.
"My wife and I are waiting
"on the porch.
Sincerely yours, Fred H. Mertz."
Oh, no!
Are they kidding?
Oh!
Fred and Ethel!
I don't believe it.
What is this?
I hear you're looking for a good
hired hand.
We almost froze hiding out there.
We thought you'd never come out for
the mail.
Oh, honestly.
You mean, this whole thing isn't a
joke?
We were never more serious in our
lives.
We've been talking about it
ever since we left here Saturday.
Just made the decision this morning.
This morning? Well, how'd your letter
get here so fast?
We brought it up with us on the train
and stuck it in your mailbox.
Oh, for heaven's sake.
Didn't you notice the stamp?
No.
No.
An Easter seal.
(cackling)
You don't think Fred'd waste three
cents?
LUCY: Oh, honey!
Oh, come on in!
I was afraid you'd catch onto it.
LUCY: Oh, I never had an idea.
Ah, what a nice surprise!
Glad to be here.
Gosh, imagine you two applying for
the job.
Why, we never thought of you.
No.
We never thought of us either
until after we got to town.
We've been talking about it ever
since.
Fred was so excited, he couldn't
sleep.
I can top that.
Ethel was so excited, she couldn't
eat.
Oh, honey, I just think this is
marvelous.
And best of all, if you give us the
job,
we'll be near you again.
Of course you've got the job.
Fred, do you really know anything
about chickens?
Well, for the past 25 years, I've
been henpecked.
Remember, Rick, I told you I was
raised on a farm.
Well, partner, you got yourself a
job.
We're in the chicken business
together.
Fine.
Oh, that's wonderful.
Hey, what about your apartment?
Mrs. Trumbull's sister wants to move
in
and manage the building for us.
Oh, that's wonderful.
She'll move in anytime we give her
the high sign.
Well, that's just wonderful.
Then it's all settled, huh?
Lucy, Lucy...
What?
Well, now, we can't move into the
guest house
until all of our stuff gets here.
Oh, honey, you can stay
in our spare room upstairs.
Oh, good, fine.
Sure.
Well, look, we can start in the
chicken business right away.
Let's see now.
What do we want first?
Baby chicks.
Hold it, Lucy. Hold it.
We got a lot of fixing up to do in
that henhouse.
I gotta paint, plaster, put up
chicken wire.
That'll take at least a week.
A week?
Yes.
Oh, my. Well, if we're gonna live
with you for a week,
before we can go into business
together,
we want to pay you rent.
Oh, Ethel, no.
No, that's out of the question.
I'll say it is.
Fred, we are paying rent.
FRED: Oh, for corn's sake.
(Ricky laughs)
What's so funny?
I was just thinking,
after all these years,
I'm going to be Fred's landlord.
(laughs)
Well, I hope you'll be a good one,
Rick.
Well, I'll try to be
as good a landlord as you were.
Uh-oh, we're in trouble.
Oh-ho-ho!
Brrrr!
Yoo-hoo!
Anybody home?
Just the hired hand, ma'am.
FRED: Hi.
Oh, hi, Fred.
Where's Little Ricky?
He's next door, playing with the
Ramsey kid.
Oh.
What have you been doing, Fred?
Plastering the cracks in the henhouse
all afternoon
that you were supposed to help me
with.
That's what I've been doing, Fred.
The hired help seems to be getting
nastier all the time.
What have you been doing?
Well, we...
You tell him, Lucy.
Okay. Well, as you know, Fred,
we went into the village to do a
little shopping
and we just happened to pass the
hatchery
and we went in to browse.
Well, we just couldn't resist.
Fred, you and Ethel are now the proud
parents
of 500 baby chicks!
Congratulations, you old rooster.
The same to you, you old hen.
We can have them delivered next week
when the henhouse is ready.
Oh, the henhouse is fine,
and after all, chickens aren't fussy.
Yeah, we were just down there.
And your little family seems to love
it.
Holy mackerel!
Do you mean to tell me
that you put 500 baby chicks in that
henhouse?
Yeah. Why not?
Are you crazy?
In this cold weather, they'll freeze
their fuzz off.
Well, Fred, they're all in boxes.
Oh... but they gotta be kept warm.
Now you phone that hatchery
and tell them to send two brooders
over here right away.
Two brooders?
Yes. Right away.
Come on now, you help me bring those
chickens in here
so they'll stay warm.
Oh, I will, I will.
I never heard of such a thing.
Freeze their fuzz off?
(banging on door)
Okay!
Okay, Fred, careful on the step.
Yeah.
Take off the feed, Lucy.
Take the feed.
Gee, it is cold out there.
Whew!
Did you phone the hatchery?
Oh, yes, Fred, I did,
but they were already closed.
Oh, my! What'll we do with them,
Fred?
We'll keep them in the house till
tomorrow.
Oh, it's a good thing we got this
feed.
Uh, where shall we put them?
What's the warmest room in the house?
Well, the den, I guess.
It's right over the furnace.
Well, open the vents in the den
and turn the heat up to 90.
Ninety?
Yes, ninety.
We want to raise chickens, not roast
them.
Baby chicks have to have a
temperature of 90 degrees.
Now, don't stand there and argue.
Turn up the heat.
All right!
All right.
Oh, my, that's the first time in his
life
Fred's ever said, "Turn up the heat."
You never did this for me.
You're no chicken, Ethel.
(baby chicks cheeping)
Where's a good place?
Right here.
right here, Fred.
Oh, oh...
Ooh, ooh...
Push it over a little bit.
Oh, boy.
Whew!
Hey, let's take the boxes...
the covers off the boxes.
I'll bet it's very stuffy in here.
I'll go and check the furnace.
We gotta keep these chickens warm.
Okay.
(laughs)
Oh, aren't they the cutest little
things you ever saw?
LUCY: Oh, God love them.
Aren't they funny?
Hello, you little darlings.
Oh, my goodness.
Look at those little things.
Hello, lovie.
They're so soft and sweet.
You can hardly feel one in your
hands.
Hey, listen.
They're talking about Fred.
They're talking about Fred?
Yeah, they're saying, "cheap, cheap,
cheap."
Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello!
Gee, I bet they're hungry.
Let's feed them.
Okay.
I'll push this back.
You stay in those boxes till I get
ready for you.
Lucy, what are you doing?
I'm setting the table for their
dinner.
Don't you just leave them in the
boxes?
No, it's too cramped in there.
They gotta have elbow room.
You're gonna let them out?
Yeah, we'll put them all down here.
Sure.
Oh, well, I'll get mine out, huh?
Yeah.
Come on, honey.
Come on, honey.
Come on.
Come and get it!
Come on, honey.
Oh, you're gonna have some food.
Come and get it.
Isn't this fun?
Come on.
Here you go.
Get out there.
Wow-dee-oh!
Wow-dee-yow-dee!
Here you go!
Get out from underneath there.
Come on there, fellas.
Here you go.
Come on.
Here you are. Get out.
Right over there.
Right over there.
Here you are, get out.
Go, go, go.
Oh, my.
Come and get it!
Over here, come on, fellows.
Over here, over here, over here.
Come on.
Come on.
Here you are.
Here you are.
Oh, careful, Fred, careful.
LUCY: Careful!
Oh, come on.
Goodness sakes, why'd you let them
out?
So they'd have room to eat.
It's crowded in those boxes.
Well, I guess it'll be all right for
a few minutes.
It's hot in here now.
Yeah.
Oh, boy, I'll say it is.
Say, watching them eat has made me
kind of hungry.
Let's have a little snack, Lucy?
Okay, good idea.
Not till you put
those chickens back in their boxes.
Oh, no, Fred, let them eat.
We'll put them back in after we
finish.
Good-bye.
Come on, fellas.
Enjoy your dinner.
Have a good time.
There you go, over there. Over there.
Oh, brother.
Wall-to-wall chickens!
Oh, boy, it was hot in there.
I'll say.
Gee, I don't want to be around
when Ricky finds 500 chickens in the
den.
I'll tell you one thing.
He's gonna be plenty miserable
when he starts reading his newspaper.
What do you want to eat, Ethel?
Oh, just something to nibble on.
How about a chicken leg?
Shh, Ethel!
Oh, I hope they didn't hear you.
I'm sorry, honey.
My gosh.
Most chicken farmers only have foxes
to worry about.
We got Ethel, too.
(baby chicks cheeping)
Mommy!
Oh, boy!
Boy, those chicks are noisy little
fellows, aren't they?
Yeah, they have strong lungs.
You can hear them all the way from
the den.
If I didn't know,
I'd swear they were right in the next
room.
LITTLE RICKY: Mommy, look!
Oh, hi, sweetheart.
Oh, yeah, you found them.
Isn't that the sweetest thing?
Did you close the den door, dear?
I don't remember.
You don't remember?
Oh, Lucy!
Oh, no!
Oh, my gosh.
Oh, no wonder they sounded like
they were right in the next room.
Quick, open the vents and let in more
heat.
Hurry.
Oh, my....
ETHEL: Oh, fellas, fellas, come on
now.
Chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp.
Back to the den.
Oh, dear!
Come on, fellas.
Come on.
Back, back, back.
Back to the den.
Back to the den.
To the rear march!
To the rear march!
Oh, come on, fellas.
Come on, now. Come on, come on, come
on, come on.
Come on, come on.
Fred, what'll we do?
You were raised on a farm.
I don't know.
We were kind of funny farmers.
We kept our chickens in the henhouse.
Come on now.
431...
432... 433.
Now, let's see.
Oh, Ethel, we're still missing 67
chicks.
Oh... well, where would you go if you
were 67 chicks?
Anywhere to get out of this 90-degree
heat.
They gotta be around here somewhere.
Chick, chick, chick, chick, chick.
Come on, come on, chickens.
Chick, chick, chick, chick, chick,
chick.
Oh, where's Fred?
He's making us some lemonade.
Oh, good for him.
Chick, chick, chick, chick...
(clucking like a chicken)
Chicky-chicky-chicky, chick, chick,
chick!
Come on. Chicky, chicky, chicky!
Oh...
65-- I just found two more.
(chirping and clucking)
Come on out of...
Come on! Come on!
(baby chicks cheeping)
All right. Come and get it!
Cool and refreshing.
There you are.
Oh! Oh!
I know, I know.
(sighs)
Oh, boy, that just hits the spot!
Oh, I'll say it does.
It's like a steam bath in here.
What's the latest count?
65 still at large.
Any suggestions?
Yeah. Let's wait till they grow up.
They'll be easier to find.
Hello?
Oh, we're in here, honey.
Hey, it's hot in here.
LUCY: Yeah.
Why, it's over 90.
FRED: Don't touch that thermostat!
What's the matter?
What's going on?
What's all this?
Why is the heat up so high?
Why are you dressed up like that?
What questions do you want me to
answer:
"What's going on?
What's all this?"
"Why is the heat up so high?"
Or "why are we dressed like this?"
Answer them all.
Okay.
Boy, it's hot!
These are baby chicks
and the heat's up so high so they
won't freeze.
We're dressed like this so we won't
roast,
and this is all going on
'cause Little Ricky left the door to
the den open,
and would you care for some lemonade?
Well, I like to think that I got into
the wrong house,
but I know I didn't.
No, you didn't.
Well, Rick, you see,
Lucy and I bought 500 baby chicks.
Yeah. Aren't they cute, honey?
Adorable, but what are they doing
here?
Well, we had to bring them into the
house
because these two dumb Doras
didn't know that you have to keep
baby chicks in brooders.
Why, anybody knows
that you have to keep baby chicks in
a brooder.
What's a brooder?
It's a contraption to keep them warm.
Oh, well, come on.
Let's get them out of here, put them
in the den
and let's cool off the rest of the
house.
We can't.
Why not?
Because, sir, 65 of our chickens are
missing
Well, I can't stand this heat any
longer.
Well, now, Rick, we gotta keep it
this hot
until we find the missing chicks.
All right, come on, let's find them.
Oh, we've been looking, Ricky.
Pollito, pollito, pollito, aqui,
aqui, pollito!
Pollito!
Pollito!
Ricky, in English.
In English.
Oh....
Chick, chick, chick, chick,
chick, chick, chick, chick!
Chicky!
Boy, it's hot in here.
ETHEL: Hey, there's a bunch of them
out here under the clothes dryer!
Well, get them out of there.
Oh, I can't reach them.
They're all huddled up against the
wall.
I'll help you.
Chicky, come on.
Chicky!
Come on, chick.
Chick, chick, chick!
Are you getting them?
LUCY: No, I can't reach them either.
Well, you need any help?
No. I got an idea.
I think I'll pretend I'm their
mother.
Maybe they'll follow me.
(squawking)
RICKY: Hey, she's getting them.
RICKY: Over here, honey.
Over here, honey.
(Lucy squawking)
ETHEL: That's it.
That's it.
Hi, Betty.
(squawks louder)
Lucy, these are the people
from House and Garden magazine.
I don't think so.
Oh, dear, no.
BETTY: I'll call you later, Lucy.
(baby chicks cheeping)
Oh, dear!
Now we'll never get our picture in
House and Garden.
That's all right, honey. Don't worry.
Maybe we'll make the next issue of
Chicken Breeders' Gazette.
Oh...
Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
(wailing squawk)
(applause)
("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)
ANNOUNCER: "I Love Lucy" is a Desilu
production.
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz
will be back next week at this same
time.