I Love Lucy (1951–1957): Season 6, Episode 18 - Lucy Gets Chummy with the Neighbors - full transcript

Breakfast ready, honey?

Lucy?

(whistles)

Oh, there you are.

Oh, good morning, darling.

Where you been?

Well, we were out of bread, so I went
next door

to the Ramseys' to borrow some.

Oh.

Oh, gee, that Betty Ramsey is a nice
person.

And so is Ralph, her husband.
You're just gonna love him.



We're sure lucky to have such good
neighbors.

Look, honey, uh...
I don't think it's a good idea

to get too friendly with the
neighbors too fast.

Why not? We're gonna be living here
the rest of our lives.

Why shouldn't we get friendly with
the neighbors right away?

That's just it.

We are gonna be here for the rest of
our lives,

so I think that we get... that we
should get chummy gradually.

Oh, well, maybe you can get chummy
gradually.

With me, it's instant chummy.

Well, I still say

that you shouldn't rush into
friendships.

Oh, pish-tush.

There you are, some nice, neighborly
toast.



I'll have some nice, unneighborly
jelly.

Okay, dear, I'll get it.
Thank you.

Gee, you should see the Ramseys'
house.

It's all done in the most beautiful
early American.

I'm getting some wonderful ideas from
Betty

for redecorating our house.

In the far distant future, of course.

Here you are, doll.

Thank you.

Blech!

Tush-sheesh!

Ugh!

Why don't you ask me what's the
matter?

I can't afford to ask you what's the
matter.

Honey, our old furniture looks just
awful

in our beautiful new house.

What are you talking about?

When we bought this house,

you said that our furniture would
look perfect in here.

Well, we haven't got enough furniture
for this big place.

Aw, gee, honey, please, can't I buy
just one new thing?

All right, I guess we could afford
one new thing.

What's it gonna be?

One house full of furniture.

One downstairs full of furniture?

One living room full of furniture?

Oh, if you put some seeds in you
head,

you could use it for a maraca.

Look, Lucy, we just cannot afford

a lot of new furniture right now.

But this stuff looks so awful.

Look, why can't we put all this in
the den

and then all we'd need is just a few
basic things,

you know, like a... a table and a
lamp and a little old rug.

Oh, please, honey, please?

All right, all right.

You can buy $500 worth of furniture

and not a penny more.

Oh, thank you, honey.
Thank you so much.

All right.

(knock at door)

Well, good morning, Bruce.

Hello.

Hi. Honey, you know Bruce Ramsey?

Oh, yeah.
Hi, Bruce.

Hi. Is Little Ricky here?

Yes, sweetheart.

He's here.
He's upstairs.

Go on up.

Little Ricky, Bruce is here!

Hi, Ramsey.

Hi, Ricardo.

Oh, isn't that cute?

Ramsey and Ricardo.

How about that.

I got to go.

I got to catch the 9:20.

Oh, okay, darling.

Bye-bye, sweetheart.

Good-bye, honey.

Now, only $500.

I know, $500. I have it engraved
right here.

All right.

Bye-bye.
Bye.

(knock at door)

Oh!

Come on in, Betty.

Hi!
Hi, dear.

Lucy, guess what.
What?

You remember your telling me about

wanting to buy new furniture?
Yes.

Well, I just talked to Ralph on the
phone

and he's arranged for us

to go to a wholesale furniture place
this afternoon.

Oh, how wonderful!

And I just talked to Ricky

and he said, "Go ahead, buy a few
things."

Oh, good!

How about that?
You want some coffee?

I'd love some.

Oh, really, they have simply gorgeous
things at this place,

and I can get you 40% discount on
everything you buy.

Oh, that's great!

Let's see, 40% of five...

of, uh... of what Ricky said I could
spend...

Why, I can get almost twice as much
as I thought I could.

Oh, you're so lucky, Lucy.

You know, most husbands would raise
quite a fuss

if their wives wanted to redecorate.

Ricky must be very generous.

Oh, yes, he is very generous in his
own little way.

Of course, someone in Ricky's
position

doesn't have to worry about money.

No.

(uneasy chuckle)

Well, now, let's see.

Um... we'll do the whole living room
and dining room

in early American.

We will? The whole thing?

Oh, well, I, uh...

I kind of wanted to keep a couple of
the old pieces

for sentimental reasons, you know.

Oh, no, no, no, dear,

you don't want to mix this beat-up
old stuff

with your lovely new things.

Well, I don't want to, but...

You know what we should do with this?

Set fire to it?

No, trade it in, get an allowance on
the new furniture.

That way, you'll save even more
money.

Trade it in!
That's a great idea!

Now, I think we should put two wing
chairs here.

Two wing chairs, yeah.

And a big sofa here...
maybe even two sofas.

Two sofas!

Yes.

BETTY: Now, let's see. we picked out
the whole dining room set,

the buffet, the two chairs

the couch, the bench, end tables...

Uh, now, we decide on a coffee table.

Uh-huh.

Well, how about this one?

Yes, yes.
That's very nice.

How about that one over there, Betty?

Could be.

Uh, yeah, now that I get a better
look at this,

this is fine.

Yes, I like that.

I like the shape there.

Mm-hmm. Now, lamps.

That's attractive.

Oh, isn't it? Yes.

Uh... how about that one over there?

Sometimes at parties,

our friends like to try on lampshades
for hats.

I was just making sure it was the
right size.

Oh, Lucy, you're such a clown.

Yeah, well...

Say, you know, Betty,

I can't get over how inexpensive

all this furniture is.

What do you mean, dear?

Mr. Perry hasn't quoted prices yet.

Oh, well, I just casually happened to
glance

at some of the price tags,

and there's some real bargains here.

Price tags?

Yeah. You know, like, for instance,

here's one right here.

See, this table is $10.62.

Oh, Lucy, there you go clowning.

Those aren't price tags.

They're stock numbers.

Stock numbers?!

Uh, Mrs. Ramsey, Yes.

I've, uh, been going over Mrs.
Ricardo's purchases,

like you asked me to,

and the furniture that she has
selected so far

less the 40% discount, of course,

and the allowance on her old
furniture

comes to exactly $1,875.50.

We like to do these little favors for
our friends.

$1,875.50?

That price is fantastic.

You can say that again.

Now, Mr. Perry, do you have any more
lamps

besides this because

I don't think any of these are right

for Mrs. Ricardo.

I have just the thing for you.

LUCY: Look, Betty... Oh, good.

Betty...

maybe I shouldn't have rushed into
this.

Maybe I shouldn't buy so much all at
once.

Maybe I should just buy a-a chair or
a lamp

or a little old table or something.

But dear, why not buy everything all
at once?

Yeah, why not?

Well, because... I sort of like to
have furniture trickle in

one at a time, you know.

Like a Chair-Of-The-Month Club.

Stop clowning, Lucy.

Here we are.

Oh, that's very nice.

Uh, to tell you the truth, Betty,

I... I... I need everything by
Saturday night.

Yeah, we're having some friends in
Saturday night

and if we can't have everything by
Saturday night--

and I know that's impossible--

why, then I'm afraid I won't be able
to take any of it.

But just so the afternoon won't be a
total loss, I'll, um...

I'll take this little footstool here.

Saturday night?

Oh, my, that is awfully fast.

Yes, I knew it would be, so if you'd
just wrap it up...

But since you are

such a good friend of Mrs. Ramsey's,
I'll do it.

Thanks a lot.

Er, this is $24.50.

I'll just put it with your other
furniture.

Thank you so much, Mr. Perry.

Oh, come on, Lucy, we've got lots of
other things to look at.

We haven't even started on the den
yet, dear.

Yeah, why not? What have I got to
lose except my life?

What?

Oh, there I go, clowning again.

(chuckles)

(dry sob)

Well, here it is, Lucy-- all your new
furniture.

Yeah, here it is.

I'll bet Ricky raves when he sees
this.

He'll rave all right.

Of course you'll still need a few
knickknacks and things,

but we can get those next week.

Listen, I have to run now, dear, but
I'll see you later, okay?

Bye.
Okay. Okay, Betty. Bye.

Operator, can I have Schuyler 4-8098,
New York City, please?

(phone rings)

Hello?

Oh, I'm in terrible trouble.

Can you come out right away?

What's the matter?
What's up?

Who is it?

It's Lucy and she's in trouble!

Quick, hang up!

Oh, Fred.

Is it bad trouble, honey?

Well, Ricky told me that I could
spend $500

for some new furniture

and I got carried away and I spent
over thr...

I... I spent over thr...

How much? How much?

I spent over $3,000.

$3,000?!

What, what, what about $3,000?

Ricky told Lucy she could spend $500

for some new furniture, and she spent
over $3,000!

Now, Fred...

Fred, loosen your collar so you won't
faint.

Fred, it's not your money.

Lucy?

What happened to Fred?

Oh, he got lightheaded

just thinking about somebody spending
$3,000.

Oh, Ethel, can you come out right
away?

Maybe Ricky won't be so mad if you're
here.

Sure, honey, we'll get on a train

just as soon as I can revive Fred.

Oh, thank you so much and hurry,
hurry!

Okay, we will. Bye.

Fred? Fred?

Fred, come on. Pull yourself
together.

We got to go out to Connecticut.

Three thousand dollars...

(light tapping on door)

Oh, good, Fred and Ethel.

I forgot my key, honey...
(screams)

Hey! What's going on here?

Hey, honey!

Lucy!

My foot's stuck!

I know. I want to talk to you

before I let you in.

Now, listen, Ricky, I've done
something awful,

and I want to tell my side of the
story

such as it is,

and then when you've had a chance to
calm down,

I'll let you in.

Now, listen, honey, now, listen.

Uh... remember the other day

when, when Betty Ramsey took me to
that wholesale house

and you said that I could spend $500

and when I came home, you asked me if
I spent it

and I said "yes"?

Well, honey, I...
I spent a little more.

I didn't mean to, but, uh, I-I-I
thought

that the price tags-- the tags were
price tags

and they were really stock numbers,
see?

And, well, honey...

Now, honey, get a grip on yourself.

I-I-I spent over $3,000.

I didn't mean to, Ricky.
Really, I didn't.

And I'm not going to let you in now

until you promise to calm down, be
understanding

and talk like a normal human being.

Now, do you promise that, Ricky, do
you?

Okay, I promise.

(screaming)

(Ricky shouting)

Let me out!

Lucy!

You stay right where you are!

Oh, now, honey, you promised

to be calm and understanding.

I am... I am calm,

and I am very understanding.

Now, we go in there.

We go and sit down in there

and-and we'll talk over this whole
thing

like two normal human beings.

Honey, isn't this pretty what we're
sitting on?

See, I... I got both,

because the room is so big

and they match the two chairs and
everything.

I bought this 'cause I like the
little railings

and it spins; you can get things from
all sides.

And the rug. Did you notice the
rug...

(shouting): Three thousand dollars!

$3,272.65.

How could you do such a thin'?!

Well?

Well, um...
I didn't mean to, but...

Now, if you look at it another way,
dear,

we really saved you money, you see,

because Betty got them to take our
other furniture in on trade,

and Betty got us a 40% discount.

Betty.

Yes, Betty.

Do you remember I told you it wasn't
right

to get too chummy with the neighbors
too fast?

Oh, you're not gonna say, "I told you
so"?

Yes, I am!

Well, I just thought I'd ask.

But, honey, I still say that Betty
did us a big favor.

Uh, do you know how much money we're
saving?

Yeah, exactly.

We're saving $3,292.95.

Well, now, why...

Because all this stuff is going back!

Oh, honey, I can't return all this.

What'll I tell Betty Ramsey?

Just tell her the truth-- that we
can't afford it.

Oh, I couldn't tell her that.

Why not?

Why, I just couldn't, that's all.

You, you, you tell her.

You go on over and tell her you're a
tightwad.

I'm a tightwad?

Well, if the shoe fits...

You go right over there,

you go right over there this minute
and tell Betty.

But Ricky...
Right this minute

you go over there and tell her,

I'll be upstairs.

Honey?

You, uh, you might notice a few new
things up there, too.

Go on!

Go on!

Hi!
Hi!

I'm going into town to pick up a few
things.

Anything I can get for you?

No, not another thing.

I saw Ricky come home.

What did he have to say when he saw
all the new things?

Couldn't you hear him over at your
house?

No. What do you mean?

Well, as a matter of fact, Betty,

I was just on my way over to talk to
you.

I'm afraid we're going to have to
return all these things.

Return them? Why?

Well, we just can't...

I don't think that, uh....

Well...

We... we just don't think we
should...

We should look at some other
furniture

before we plunge into buying all
this.

Well, Lucy, you might at least have
told me this

before we took up Mr. Perry's time

and had everything sent out.

Yeah, well...

You know, Betty, now that I see all
this furniture here,

I don't think it suits the house.

Doesn't suit it?

It's an early American house.

This is early American furniture.

That's just it, it's too pat.

What?

Well, you know what this house needs?

What?

Chinese modern.

Yeah, low black tables and bamboo
mats

and cushions thrown all around.

We love to eat on the floor.

And, and, and lanterns and screens

and a built-in mah-jongg set.

All right, Lucy, why don't you just
come right out and say it.

Say what?

You don't like my taste.

Oh, no, Betty, I didn't mean that.
No.

What else could it be?

I'm only trying to be helpful.

Well, that's what I get.

My husband warned me not to get too
chummy

with the new neighbors, and he was so
right. Huh!

Oh, Betty, but I didn't say that. I
didn't mean that.

You don't understand, Betty.

Betty, listen...

(door slamming)

Oh, dear.

Oh, dear.

(crying)

What's the matter?

Betty Ramsey was just here.

Oh. You tell her we couldn't afford
the furniture?

Oh, I couldn't bring myself to tell
her we couldn't afford it,

so now she thinks that we don't like
her taste

and everything's a big mess.

Oh, fine, leave it to two women to
get everything fouled up.

All right, I'll go next door

and have a man-to-man talk with her
husband

and just tell him that we cannot
afford it, that's all.

All right.

(crying)

And don't cry on that sofa--

that's going back.

Oh!

(knocking on door)

Mr. Ramsey?
Yes.

I'm Ricky Ricardo from next door.

Our wives have already met.

Oh, hi! Come on in.

Thank you.

Call me Ralph.

Thank you.

Let's go in the den where we can sit
down.

Oh, uh, I haven't got much time.

I just want to talk about something.

Oh? I was telling the boys down at
the agency

that I live next door to a big
celebrity now.

(chuckling)

Uh, what agency are you with?

Burton, Warshman & Ramsey.

Oh! Are you that Ramsey?

Well, yes, I guess I am.

Talking about you last week out at
the country club.

You were?
Mm-hmm.

Proposed your name to the membership
committee.

No kidding.

Yeah, of course the dues,

the initiation fee are pretty high,

but I told them that money doesn't
mean a thing

to a big star like Ricky Ricardo.

Yeah, well, uh...

Oh, yeah!

Yeah!

Sure.

Yesterday, down at our weekly Think
Conference at the agency,

I suggested your name for a guest
shot on a TV show.

You did?

Yes, and the reaction was tremendous.

Well, how nice.

Are you interested?

Why, sure, I'm always interested

in doing guest spots.

Oh, good, good.

Uh, what was it you wanted to talk to
me about?

Oh, well, I just wanted to talk to
you

about the furniture that your wife
picked up.

Oh, that's all right.

You don't have to thank me.

I was glad to set it up for you.
How do you like it?

Fine, fine.
Only that, uh...

Well, it's a little bit high...

High-priced?

No, no, no, it's not that; it's
just...

high-class, you know.

We, uh...

We're very earthy people.

You mean you don't like it?

Oh, no, no, it's not that; it's fine.
It's just that...

Well...

it's not for us.

What you mean is, it doesn't suit
you.

Yes, that's it.

In other words, you don't like my
wife's taste.

Oh, no, I didn't say that.

Well, that's what you were inferring.

Well, no, I... I didn't infer, I
didn't.

Well, I got you a wonderful discount,

so it can't be the price.
What is it?

We just want to return it, that's
all.

Well, it's impossible.

Why?

Well, I went to a lot of trouble to
set up that deal.

I can't ask those people to take it
back.

Why not?

Well, I just can't, that's all.

Are you by any chance getting a
kickback

from this furniture store?

Now, look here, Mr. Ricardo,

I don't have to stand here and be
insulted.

First you don't like my wife's taste,

now you call me a crook.

I think you'd better get going.

Are you throwing me out?

I said, I think you'd better get
going.

Who's going to make me?

I am.

You are?

Mm.

Hah!

Would you care to step outside?

I'd love to.

So would I.

Good.

Good!

And you can forget about that TV
show.

We'll get Cugat.

That does it.
Come on, let's go.

(door slamming)

ETHEL: Don't bother to knock.

Just use your key, Fred.

Hurry up. Hurry up, Fred.

FRED: All right.

Do you suppose we beat Ricky here?

I guess so. There's nothing broken.

My, Fred, isn't all this new
furniture beautiful?

Beautiful it is.

$3,000 worth it ain't.

Oh, Fred.

It's too quiet around here.

I don't like it.

Mira que cosa!

Hi!

Mira que cosa!

Oh, my goodness!

If he looks like that, what must Lucy
look like?

Oh, Fred and Ethel, you're here!

Not a scratch on her.

Honey! What happened?

Don't you know?

No! Honey, what happened to you?

Yo te voy a decir lo que ha pasado

y que es esta senora y que es Ralph
Ramsey!

What about Ralph Ramsey?

Que nos pusimos en un peleado y me
empujo en un rosebush!

What's he saying, Lucy?
What's he saying?

Well, as near as I can tell,

our next-door neighbor Ralph Ramsey

pushed him into a rosebush.

Why did he do a thing like that?

Well, Ricky went over to tell Ralph
Ramsey--

that's Betty's husband--

that we couldn't afford all this
furniture,

because when I told Betty we couldn't
afford it,

she thought that I thought that she
had bad taste.

What'd she say?

I got it. Didn't you?

No. I was doing better with his
Spanish.

What happened to you?

I had a fight with Bruce.

You had a fight with Bruce!
What about?

He said his daddy beat up my daddy.

Is that so?!

Honey, honey, now calm down.

I'm not going to calm down!

I'm going to...
Honey, honey...

I thought people moved to the country

for peace and quiet.

Honey, we'll get cleaned up.

Ricardo, I think you owe us an
apology!

Look what your boy did to our boy!

What do you mean I owe you an
apology?

You owe us an apology!

Look what your boy

did to our boy!

I'm not apologizing until you do!

Well, I'm not apologizing until you
do.

Well, you started the whole thing.

I did not.
My wife did.

I did?

You inferred you didn't like my
taste.

I did not.

And you called me a crook.

No, I did not...

I didn't call you a crook.

(all arguing)

Fellas, keep quiet, please.
(whistling)

Just give me a chance!

(argument and whistling stops)

Lucy...

What?

Aren't you going to introduce us?

These are our friends, the Mertzes;

our enemies, the Ramseys.

(all arguing again)

You won't give me a chance!

(whistling)

Oh, you fellas, quiet.

This is all a big misunderstanding.

The real reason for all this trouble
is

that the Ricardos simply cannot
afford

all this new furniture.

Is that all?

Why didn't you say so?

Yeah, why didn't you say so?

Yeah, why didn't you say so?

Me? I'm just a little boy.

(all laughing)

Oh, Lucy...

why didn't you tell me the truth?

Well, I was too embarrassed to admit
it.

Yeah, me, too.

We would have understood.

I've been wanting to redecorate our
house for years,

but we just couldn't...

Go ahead, honey, tell them.

We couldn't afford it either.

Hey, Bruce,

how about being friends?

Sure. Want to be mine?

Sure. Let's go out and play.

BETTY: Aw...

Lucy...

I'm sorry.

Sorry, pal.

Had a nice workout, anyway.

We sure did.

Forget what I said about Cugat.

If you want that job, it's yours.

Well, thanks.
I'll take it.

Hey, Lucy.
Yeah.

Ralph is going to give me

a television job in one of his shows.

A guest appearance.

A television job!
Yeah.

Oh, boy, that's wonderful!

Yeah.
It pays $3,500.

$3,500?
Mm-hmm.

$3,500!

Honey, that'll just about, uh...

Yeah, I know, pay for the new
furniture.

Yeah.

All right, all right.

(all chattering excitedly)

(applause)

(closing orchestral flourish playing)

ANNOUNCER: "I Love Lucy"

starring Lucille Ball

and Desi Arnaz

has been presented for your pleasure

by Instant Sanka,

the hearty coffee you can drink as
strong as you like,

it still can't upset your nerves.

("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)

"I Love Lucy" is a Desilu production.

Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz

will be back next week at this same
time.