I Love Lucy (1951–1957): Season 6, Episode 17 - Lucy Misses the Mertzes - full transcript

Moving day has arrived and after sixteen years at 623 East 68 Street, the Ricardos bid a poignant farewell to the Mertzes. Lucy gives the Mertzes the key to their home and a very stoic Ethel gives the Ricardos keys to their apartment for whenever they venture into New York. Lucy cries for most of the ride to Westport, but there's work to be done and the Ricardos attend to unpacking. Lucy and Ricky, unwittingly, call for Ethel and Fred for help, only to discover that 'they're not there anymore.' Back in Manhattan, the lonely Mertzes try to adjust to life without their friends, but Ethel is very blue. After 48 hours, the Ricardos, settled into their new home, decide to venture into New York, just at the Mertzes venture off to Connecticut to visit the Ricardos. Through a series of miscues and missing each other at Westport station, the two couples are reunited eventually, a tearful Lucy and Ethel professing how much they miss each other.

Gee, Ethel, this place has been in
such a mess

for the last two weeks, I bet you'll
be glad to get rid of us.

Aw, Lucy, how can you be like that?

We just loved having you.

Thank you, dear.

This the last of it, ma'am?

Yes, that's it.
Thank you.

Honey, we'll take these two bags in
the car, huh?

Okay.
Car? What car?

Oh, didn't Ricky tell you?

We rented a station wagon



to use in the country till we get
settled.

Station wagon, huh?
Pretty snappy.

Yeah, I'm going to be a regular
country square.

Honey, it's country squire.

Well, whatever it is, you know,

we're gonna be real suburbaneeties.

Suburbaneeties?

He means "suburbanites."

Oh.

I just hope we can cross the border
into Connecticut

without a passport.

Oh, never mind.

Get your coat, honey.

It's time for us to go.



Remember now, you two, no more
bawling.

That's right, Lucy.

This isn't good-bye.

It's just toodle-oo.

Yeah. Toodle-oo...

(wailing)

Oh, no, there she goes again.

Come on now, honey, buck up.

RICKY: Yeah, honey,

they'll come out and see us real
soon.

Well, I hope so.

Look, Ethel, here's the key to our
house.

You two feel free to use it any time.

Our house is your house.

Oh, thank you, honey.

FRED: Thanks, Lucy.

And here's a key to this apartment.

You use it any time you're in town.

Our apartment is your apartment.

Oh, thank you, Ethel.

Thank you, Ethel.
Thanks, Fred.

That's very nice of you.

Well, come on, Little Ricky.

Okay, Mommy.
We're ready.

Okay, sweetheart.

Aw, good-bye, little doll.

Mmm...

And good-bye, Freddie.

Bye, Lucy.

Good-bye, Ethel.

I mean, toodle-oo.

Well...

I guess this is it, Fred, huh?

Rick, old man, I sure hate to see you
go,

not just because you paid your rent
on time...

but because you've been a wonderful
friend.

Thank you, Fred.

You've been kind of wonderful
yourself.

Thank you, Ricky.

We sure had a wonderful 15 years.

FRED: We sure did.

Well...

so long, everybody.

Lucy?

(wailing): I don't want to go.

RICKY: Honey, get ahold of yourself
there.

Yes, now.

You just march right through that
door

and don't look back.

I'm proud of you, Ethel.

You, you, you didn't even whimper.

(wailing)

Well, now, honey, isn't this a
wonderful house?

Boy, I'll say.

Come on, Fred, I'll show you the
kitchen.

Show him where he's gonna sleep.

There you are.

Well, it's nice being of service to
you, Mr. Ricardo.

I hope you folks enjoy your new home.

Thank you very much.

Thanks a lot.

(contented sigh)

Well, here we are.

No more tears, honey?

Oh, no. I'm fine now that we're here.

Gee, isn't this exciting?

We're in our very own home.

The first house we ever had.

Our first house.

Come here.

Where you going?

Come here, come here,

come here, come here,

come here, come here.

What are you doing, honey?

LITTLE RICKY: Hey!

Why are you doing that, Daddy?

Well, you see, that's a...

It's a tradition, son.

When, uh... whenever you bring
someone you love

into a new home,

you carry them across the threshold.

And that is the threshold.

See?
Oh.

That's a very sweet thing to do,
honey.

Come on, Fred, I'll show you my room.

Yeah, show him your room.

RICKY: Isn't that sweet?

Oh, gee, honey, I just can't believe
we're really here.

You know, we should be awfully happy
in this house.

It's so quiet and peaceful.

Yeah, no noise.

No dust.

No traffic.

No Mertzes.

Oh, now, now.

(knock at door)

Package for Mr.
and Mrs. Ricardo.

Oh, isn't that nice?

Thank you.
Wait a minute.

Here. Here you are.

Thanks. Welcome to Westport.

Thank you very much.

Thank you.

Isn't that nice?

Who could have sent that?

There's a card there, I think.

"Lots of happiness in your new home

from your dear friends, Fred and
Ethel."

Oh, how about that?

Oh, wasn't that sweet of them?

Oh, boy, this must have set Fred back
ten bucks.

You know, they must feel just as sad
as we do.

Sad?

For Fred to spend $10 on a basket of
fruit,

he must have been hysterical.

Where are you going, honey?

I'm gonna call up and thank them
right now.

Well, honey, the phone is not
connected.

Oh, that's right.

Hey, let's drive in and thank them
right now.

Drive in? We just drove out.

We got a lot of unpacking to do,
honey.

Let's get going.
Yeah, you're right.

Where should we start?

Well, let's start right here.

Oh, boy.

After all that unpacking,

I can sure use a good night's sleep.

Me, too.

Hey, we ought to sleep real good
here--

no city noises.

Yeah, it should be nice and quiet for
a change.

Good night, honey.

Good night.

You think I'd better put another
blanket on Little Ricky's bed?

Oh, no, honey.

The furnace keeps this house nice and
warm.

Okay.

(laughing)

What are you laughing at?

This is the first time in 15 years

that I haven't had to call Fred and
ask him for more heat.

(laughs)

Oh, that's right.

Oh, Fred and Ethel, I sure do miss
them.

Now, now, honey. Good night.

Good night.

(sighing)

Ricky?

Huh?

Are you asleep?

No.

It sure is quiet out here.

Yeah, nice and quiet.

I never heard so much quiet.

Well, you'll get used to it.

Good night.

Good night.

If you ask me, it's a little too
quiet.

I know what you mean.

I wish a taxi would go by or
something.

Or a fire engine.

One of those lovely, rattly garbage
trucks.

Well, let's try to get some sleep,
dear.

Good night.

Good night.

Ricky?

Yeah?

This quiet is so loud, I can't sleep.

Well, force yourself.

(pattering)

(clatter)

What's that?

I don't know.

(pattering)

(clatter)

Move over.

(pattering)

(clatter)
What is that?

Well, it sounds like a squirrel on
top of the roof.

I think.

A squirrel?

I think.

LITTLE RICKY: Mommy! Daddy!

What's the matter, son?

I'm scared.

Scared? Well, it's nothing to be
scared of.

Move over, Daddy.

Move over, dear.

What have you got in there?

Fred. He's scared, too.

Oh, dear.
Aw...

He's got Fred with him.

Oh...

Come on, Fred.

Fred.

Lie down, Fred, now, come on.

Everybody go to sleep now.

Come on, Fred.

Isn't it funny how you get used to
sleeping around noise?

Yeah. They say it's even better

when you get used to sleeping around
quiet.

Maybe I could sleep better if you
took up snoring.

How can I take up snoring if I can't
fall asleep?

Well, you sure got a point there.

Ah, well...

Hey, we sure could use some help
around here.

We sure could use some help.

Ethel!

Honey, Ethel is not there anymore.

Oh, my goodness, I forgot.

Well, after 15 years,

it's kind of hard to break a habit.

What's in this box here?

That's Ricky's stuff--

books and toys and things--

they go upstairs.

Oh, this is heavy.

Oh, I'll help you, dear.

No, it's too heavy for you to carry,
honey.

I'll just go across the hall and
get...

Fred isn't over there anymore,
either.

I forgot, too.

Come on, help me in the kitchen,
honey.

All right.

I'll be right there, honey!

Who are you talking to?

I thought I heard Lucy calling me.

Oh, good grief, Ethel.

Get hold of yourself.

They've gone, so we'll just have to
get used to it.

I know.

Yeah.

Hey, there's a great fight at the
Garden

Saturday night.

I wonder who could get me some
passes.

Where were you going?

No place.

Oh, yes, you were.

You were going over to see Ricky,
weren't you?

Certainly not. I was going around to
see Mrs. Trumbull.

Oh, sure, Mrs. Trumbull

always has passes to the fights.

You don't have the monopoly on
missing people, you know.

Oh, dear.

Aw, there, there, honeybunch.

Oh, I know...

Harry, it was so nice of you

to invite Little Ricky

to stay overnight at your house.

Oh, he and Billy will have a great
time.

I'm sure they will.

Now, you be a good boy, sweetheart,

and mind Mrs. Munson.

Yes.
All right, sweetheart.

RICKY: Good luck.
Have a good time.

Bye-bye, darling.

Bye!
Bye!

HARRY: Good night. Now, don't worry
about him.

We'll take good care of him.

Okay. All right.

(sighs)

(sighs)

Well, here we are.

Yup, here we are.

Just the two of us, all alone in the
country.

Yup, all alone in the country.

What do we do, all alone in the
country?

I don't know.

I got an idea.

What?

Let's go to the city.

Go to the city?
What are we going to do there?

Well, we could have dinner and maybe
see a show and...

and if we have time,

or just happen to be in the
neighborhood...

we're going to see the Mertzes!

What do you think we're gonna do?

Hey, that's a wonderful idea.

I'll check the train schedules.

Okay. Gee, I'm dying to see them.

I wonder if they've changed.

Changed?

We only left them a day and a half
ago.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, we missed that train,

but there's another one in two hours.

Well, let's drive.

No, I think it's going to snow.

I don't want to take a chance.

We'll leave the car at the station
and call them

from there to see if they're home.

Did you find a good movie?

No, there's nothing around.

Oh.

Well, you want to watch some
television?

Not tonight.

Want to play some gin rummy?

Uh-uh. I don't feel like it.

(sighs)

Well, I suppose we could just sit and
talk.

Okay. Who will we talk to?

To each other.

Oh, come now, Ethel.

Well, there must be something we can
do.

Fred, are you willing to be a good
sport?

What are you suggesting?

Let's go out to the country and see
the Ricardos.

Ethel, that's the greatest idea you
ever had.

I'll check and see if they're home.

Oh, no, don't call them.

Let's surprise them.

They're bound to be home.

Where would you go in the country?

I'll look up the schedule

and see what time the next train
goes.

Ooh, it's so windy.

It's cold, too.

You call the Mertzes.
I'm going to fix my hair.

It's a mess.
All right, dear.

(train bell ringing, wind whistling)

Some wind, huh?

Yeah.

Hey, we'd better call the Ricardos.

Oh, no, let's take a taxi and
surprise them.

Now, listen, I spent two bucks on
taxi fare to Grand Central,

$6.16 on train tickets.

Isn't that surprise enough?

Come on, ask him to drive over and to
pick us up.

Oh, all right.

Somebody's using the phone.

Um, mister, is there another phone
around here?

CLERK: There's one out on the
platform.

ETHEL: Thank you.
I'll be right back.

FRED: All right.

(wind whistling)

Well, what'd they say?

They're not home.

Not home? Oh, the operator

must have been ringing the wrong
number.

No. That's what I thought at first.

I asked her to ring it again and
nobody answered.

Oh, what'll we do now?

Go home and go back to sleep.

At 8:30?

Listen, I didn't get any sleep last
night

listening to that quiet.

Oh...

(wind whistling)

Well?

I couldn't use the phone.

Some teenager was talking to her
girlfriend

about that Elvis what's-his-name.

You can use that phone over there
now.

Fred, you call them. I want to fix up
just a little, huh?

All right.

Oh, how do you like that?

Well, a flat tire.

Well, call a garage.

Somebody using the phone.

Oh.

Have you got a garage out here

that I can call?
I got a flat tire.

Yeah, but they all close at 6:00.

Oh, dear.

How are we gonna get home?

Hey, you're in luck, mister.
A cab just drove up.

Oh, good. Come on, honey. Thank you.

I'll take care of the car in the
morning.

From the back, that man looks just
like Fred Mertz.

You're lonesomer than I thought.

Well?

Well, first the operator couldn't
find their number,

and then she discovered

that their phone hasn't been
connected yet.

Then we'll have to take a taxi.

Well, okay.

Mister, where's the cab stand?

Right out there.

The cab just left.

Good.

What do you mean, good?

Well, it's not far.
We can walk.

Walk? It's cold out there!

Walking in the cold air is very
healthy.

Since when?

Since now. Come on.

Oh, Fred.

I can open it.

Good thing she gave me a key.

Yeah.

Ethel, the car is not in the garage,

the house is dark-- they're not home.

Why are we coming in?

To wait for them.

What else do you suggest?

We'll walk back to the station and go
home.

Walk way back there?!

Over my dead body.

Don't tempt me, Ethel.

Oh, pooh.

Gee, the place is shaping up nicely.

Yeah, isn't it?

There's that basket of fruit we sent
them.

Yeah.

Well, we might as well get some
return on our investment.

That wind makes it seem kind of
spooky out here, doesn't it?

It certainly does.

Gee, these new shoes hurt.

When you spend $16 for shoes, they're
not supposed to hurt.

You don't buy $16 shoes for comfort,

you buy them for looks.

Then you ought to walk on your hands

so people can see your feet.

Oh, dry up, will you?

Sure.
Ooh...

Ah-ha.

(thud)

(grunts)

(thud)

Ricky.

Hmm?

Ricky.
Hmm?

Ricky, wake up.
Yes, what?

I heard something downstairs.

What?

I heard something downstairs.

You must have been dreaming, then.

No, I distinctly heard a noise
downstairs.

It's the wind. There's a lot of wind
outside.

Would the wind blow the lights on?

What, the lights?

The lights are on.

The lights downstairs?

We got burglars.

Burglars, honey?

Come on.

Yeah?

Shh!

Did you hear that?

Yeah. What was it?

There's someone upstairs.

It must be a burglar.

Let's get out of here.

(groaning)

It must have been your imagination.

I just forgot to turn out the lights,
that's all.

Did you forget to turn out the fruit?

See, someone has been here.

Maybe they're outside.

(whispering): Get the flashlight.

(wind whistling)

(whispering): Come on, I think he's
gone.

Hurry up, Fred.

(rustling)

(wind whistling)

It's so cold.

Well, honey, if anybody was here,
they're gone.

Maybe they were just hungry or
something.

Yeah, maybe that's right.

(key rattling in door)

Go get 'em, Ricky, go get 'em.

I don't want to go get them.

Well, you were looking for 'em.

Yeah, but I didn't want to find them.

Hide in there.

(wind whistling)

This is the most ridiculous thing
I've heard of.

I paid 16 bucks for those shoes

and we're not leaving them here.

Hurry up!

(wind whooshing, door slamming)

(gasps)
(yells)

(scuffling and bumping)

FRED: Out of my way, Ethel!
Out of my way, Ethel!

Ethel?!

Ethel!
Ethel!!

Lucy!

RICKY: Fred!

ETHEL: Ricky!

Oh, my goodness.

We thought you were burglars.

We thought you were burglars.

We were just coming in to visit you.

Oh, honey,

we came out here to see you

and surprise you.

We missed...
We missed you so.

Oh, Lucy, we missed you so much.

Oh, there they go again.

(both crying and talking at once)

(applause)

(closing orchestral flourish playing)

ANNOUNCER: "I Love Lucy",

starring Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz,

was brought to you by new Lilt,

the only home permanent with
squeeze-bottle magic.

the fastest, easiest home permanent
ever.

("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)

"I Love Lucy" is a Desilu Production.

Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz

will be back next week at this same
time.