I Love Lucy (1951–1957): Season 6, Episode 16 - Lucy Hates to Leave - full transcript

The Ricardos spend a sleepless night wondering if they've made a wise decision to move. Ricky frets how much suburban life will cost as opposed to life in the city. Lucy breaks into tears when she realizes how old she'll be once the mortgage is paid. Still they are undeterred and now comes the sentimental chore of packing sixteen years of wonderful memories into crates and boxes. Lucy takes one last tearful look around Apartment 3D at 623 East 68 Street and leaves just as the new occupants, a newlywed couple, the Taylors, arrive. The Taylors love the Ricardos furniture and they agree to sell it to them. Lucy overhears what Mrs. Taylor plans to do with 'her' furniture and buys each piece back from them. The Mertzes, who have agreed to house the Ricardos until they are able to move into their new home, go along with Lucy's change of plan, but when Ricky tells them that the move will be delayed, Lucy needs to run for cover amid her recently reacquired old furniture.

What's the matter, honey?

Oh, nothing, nothing.

Oh, honey, it can't be "nothing,
nothing."

You don't pace around at 3:00 in the
morning

just to put mileage on your new
bedroom slippers.

If you want to know the truth,

I'm worrying about

that new house in the country.

Aw, honey.

Now, there's nothing to worry about.

Mr. Spaulding accepted our offer,



the bank's got all the papers,

that house is ours.

That's what I'm worrying about--

that house is ours.

Isn't it wonderful?

We own a home.

What's so wonderful about it?

You know how much money that house is
gonna cost me?

Yeah, it's gonna cost...

Oh, please, don't say it out loud.

That house is worth it.

Yeah, well.

You realize how many times

I'm gonna have to sing "Babalu" to
pay for that house?



Oh, well, honey, you don't have to
give...

give all the money at one time.

There's a mortgage.

Oh, dear me, a mortgage.

Well, now, that'll be paid off in 20
years.

(whining): 20 years!

You realize how old we will be in 20
years?

I'll be 56 and you'll be...

Never mind.

Now, honey, I know how old you are.

I know, but I've been juggling my age
for so many years,

I've... I've kind of forgotten what
it is

and I want to leave it that way.

I don't know what made me...

decide to buy that place!

I must have been out of my mind.

You realize all the extra 'spenses
we're gonna have?

We're not going to have so many extra
"'spenses."

Oh, not much.

(wry chuckle)

Taxes. There's lots of taxes in that
territory over there.

And then you got all those grounds to
keep up

and you a big barn house in that
place

and you got a chicken house.

And what are we going to farm,
anyway?

Who do I think I am, old McDougal?

Honey, it's old McDonald, and calm
down.

There's the heating.

It takes a lot to heat a big place
like that, you know.

And then...
oh, you gotta buy a new car.

And then the money, the...
the train going back and forward

from Connecticut to New York all the
time,

that's a lot of money.

Then the furniture.

The furniture.

You know how much it's gonna cost

to fill that big house with new
furniture?!

No, now, honey.

No, now, we're gonna use

all our of own furniture.

We don't have to buy new.

This will fit perfectly.
Oh, good! Good!

Thank you.

Now, honey...

That's a big load off my mind.

Yeah. Wh-Why don't you go back to bed

and just try to relax now, honey?

All right, dear.

Now come on.

All right.

Maybe things will look

a lot better in the morning.

Sure they will, honey.

You just got a bad case

of homeowners' heebie-jeebies, that's
all.

Now, now, relax.

You're right, this, this furniture is
nice.

Sure, it's fine.

This will look good there.

Sure it will, honey.

It's well-built, this stuff.
Yes, all solid stuff.

That's good.

And we got a lot of pictures

and knickknacks and everything.

Yeah, a lot of pictures and
everything.

Pleasant dreams, darling.

Thank you, honey.

Go right to sleep.

We won't have to buy anything, maybe.

No, honey, nothing.

That's good.

(sigh of relief)

What's the matter, honey?

Nothing, nothing.

What do you mean, nothing?
You don't get up at 4:00

in the morning for nothing.
What's wrong?

Well, maybe we can't afford that
house in the country.

Now, dear, calm down, honey, calm
down.

How can you be calm with a mortgage

staring you in the face?

That house won't be ours for 20
years.

Oh, now, honey, now, now.

It's nothing to cry about.

Oh, no? I just figured out how old
I'll be in 20 years!

Now, now, you just relax, honey.

You were right, honey.
You were right.

We just got a bad case

of homeowners' jeebie-heebies,

Yeah.
that's all.

We got the jeebie-heebies all right.

Sure. Come on, honey.
Go back to bed, dear.

Oh...

We'll work out something, honey.

Are you sure?

Sure, dear.

We'll manage somehow.

Good night, honey.

Good night.

Maybe I can get a hit record or
something.

You never had one before.

That's right, well.

Good night, dear.

Good night.

Now, you're sure, honey,

that we're doing the right thing?

Positive.

We bought the house,

we are going to keep it

and we're going to be very happy

living in the country.

Oh, I'm glad you feel that way

because I feel just the same way
about it.

Good.

I'm all ready!

Ready for what?

Ready to move to the country.

Ready to move to the country?

Well, we're not moving yet, partner.

We're not?

No.
No.

Not yet, Fred.

(big laughs)

When are we going, Daddy?

Well, in about a week or so.

Well, honey,

you shouldn't put Fred in a bag like
that.

Here, you go on out in the kitchen

and give him his breakfast, okay?

Okay, Mommy.

Okay. He's ready to move to the
country.

Can't hardly wait.

He's gonna be a farmer.

Hi!

Oh, hi, Fred.
Hi, Fred.

How are you?

Fine.

I hate to bring this up,

but do you remember this?

(chortling): For goodness sake.

What's that?

Our 99-year lease.

Ho, ho!

If you recall,

I gave it to you two years ago

in a sudden fit of friendliness.

Now, don't tell me

that you're gonna make us stay here
for 97 more years.

Of course not.

Oh, well, thank you, Fred.

That's very decent of you, friend.

Now, there's just one thing.
What's that?

Since I've let you off the hook for
97 years' rent,

I'd like permission to let me show

the apartment for two or three days
before you leave.

RICKY: Sure.

Oh, sure, that'll be fine, Fred.

Of course I'm not gonna barge in on
you.

I'm, uh, gonna give plenty of notice.

Okay.
Oh, any time at all.

Thank you very much.

Okay, Fred.
Good-bye.

Thank you.

Oh, gee, what a sweet guy.

Yeah, he's the... the nicest landlord
in the world.

Sure.
(pounding on door)

Mm.

Wonder who that is.
I don't know.

Hi! Well, I've given you notice.

I'm showing your apartment!

Come right in, folks.

Oh.
These are the Ricardos.

H-How do you do?

Mr. And Mrs. Taylor.

How do you do?
LUCY: How do you do?

I hope we're not barging in.

Oh, no. That's perfectly all right.

Not at all, no.

This apartment is a perfect

love nest for newlyweds.

Oh, yes, it certainly is.

Oh, are you newlyweds, too?

(laughter)

Not exactly.

That's our Ricky.

It's a little chilly in here.

Is it always this cold?

Well...

Oh, mercy, no! The Ricardos like it
this way.

If there's one thing I give my
tenants,

it's plenty of heat!

What is all that?

Oh, who knows?

This is only from one closet.

Boy, what you can accumulate after 15
years.

Yep.

You want me to help you, honey?

Yeah. Will you put all this stuff

over there in that big box?

I want to give it to the Salvation
Army.

All right, dear.

Hi, fellas.

Hi.
Hi! Hi!

Guess what?

What?

We rented your apartment.

No!

To the newlyweds you met yesterday.

Oh, they were so nice.

Gee, I hope they're gonna be as happy
in here

as Ricky and I have been.

Yeah.

We sure had 15 wonderful years in
this apartment.

(crying): Oh...

Oh, Ethel, not again.

Oh, I can't help it.

Oh...
Oh...

Dry up, honey. We've got a problem to
settle.

Yes, I know. I know.

What's the problem, Fred?

Well, the Taylors will, uh, move in

only if they can have the apartment
right away.

Tomorrow.
Yeah.

Oh, that's impossible!

We can't get into our house for four
more days.

That's right, Fred, you know, we
can't move

until the papers are all signed and
that won't be till Friday.

We can't possibly move now.

That's the thanks I get for being so
nice.

What's so nice about trying to throw
me

out of my own apartment?

Did I or did I not tear up a lease

of yours that had 97 more years to
run?

Yeah, so?

Do you know how much I saved you

by being a good- hearted schnook?

Here, look at these figures.

$125 a month rent for 97 years

comes to $145,500!

Oh, oh... no!
Yeah.

So that's what you sat up all night
figuring!

Yep.

LUCY: Well, Fred, that's very nice of
you,

but we can't possibly move out so
fast.

Listen, I'm saving you almost 150
grand.

The least you could do would be to
move out

a couple of measly days ahead of
time.

Now, just a minute, Fred!

Oh, now, wait a minute, fellas,
there's no problem.

It's just for four days.

You can move in with us.

Well, thanks a lot, Ethel,

but what are we gonna do with all of
our furniture?

Yeah, it'd be ridiculous

to store this for only four days.

That's no problem, either.

The Taylors like your furniture so
much,

they want to buy it.

Buy it?!

Oh, no, no, we're not gonna sell our
furniture.

Wait, wait, wh-why not?

Why not?

Because we're gonna use it in our new
house!

This tacky stuff, it'll never fit in
our new house.

What are you talking about?

Just... just the other night,

you told me it was beautiful
furniture,

that it'd fit in there just perfect.

Well, honey, that was before I knew

anyone was foolish enough to want to
buy it.

We can buy all-new furniture.

Now just a minute, just a minute.

Do you realize how much money it will
cost

to furnish that whole new house with
new furniture?

Are you gonna quibble about a few
sticks of furniture

when you just made $150,000?

No... no.

(dry sob)

All right.

I know when I'm licked.

Come on, honey.

Fred can bring the rest of this
stuff.

Okay.

Well, Ethel, this is it.

This is what?

I'll never see this apartment again.

Oh, now, let's not get sentimental.

It's... just another apartment.

Just another apartment?

There's 15 years of memories here.

Yeah, I know.

(chuckles)

Do you remember the day I got locked
in the trunk

right there?

Remember the day

we were redecorating the apartment

and you wallpapered me into the
closet?

(guffaws)

How about the day the pressure-cooker
exploded?

(big laughs)

It took us two days

to get the chicken fricassee off the
ceiling!

(laughing harder)

(bawling)

Ooh, I've got to cut this out.

I haven't cried so much since the day
I got married.

Come on, honey, let's get out of
here.

You go ahead, Ethel.
I'll be right over.

Okay.

(sobbing)

(sniffling)

(sniffles)

Oh.

Oh, we're sorry, Mrs. Ricardo.

We thought you'd already gone.

Oh, that's all right.
I was just leaving.

Um, I'll, I'll get all these boxes

out of here soon.

No hurry.

My husband made a list of all the
furniture--

this is the inventory-- here.

Oh, thank you, thank you.
I'll go over it

and I'll give your husband a check
this afternoon.

Well, we'll be in the apartment

across the hall if you want to see us
about anything.

We sure do appreciate

your selling us the furniture.

Saved us a lot of expense and
trouble.

Well, we were glad to do it.

I, uh... I sure hope you're going to
be happy here--

as happy as we've been.

Thank you.
Thank you.

Honey, that pink shade

will go just fine on this lamp.

Pink shade?

Yes. I've got a lovely pink shade
that my mother gave me,

and it'll look beautiful on this
lamp.

Oh.

Well, um...

this, uh, this shade was made
especially for this lamp,

and it's only two years old.

It's very nice, but I really think

the pink shade will look better.

Oh.

Uh, would you mind terribly

if-if I took this lamp off the
inventory?

I'd... I'd kind of like to buy it
back.

I guess that'd be all right with us,
huh?

I guess so.
Oh, thank you.

We can buy another lamp.

Thank you very much.

You were right, dear.

This table will look stunning painted
black.

Oh, sure!

Black?

Yeah.

Black?

This is getting to look like the
Will-Call Department at Macy's!

Oh, now, Fred, it's just for four
days.

Why do you have to grumble so much?

Because grumbling is my hobby.

Like nagging is yours.

Oh, honestly, Fred.

Hey, you got room for these?

(Fred groans)

Why, honey, I thought the Taylors
bought those things.

Well, they did, but they were gonna
ruin them,

so I bought them back.

Oh. Well, I guess we can make room.

Yeah, we can move out.

Now, Fred.

I guess there's room for that table
in the kitchen.

Come on, give me a hand here, will
you, Ethel?

Sure, yeah. Come on.

There's room in the kitchen.

All right. Okay.

All right.

Excuse me.
Huh?

I wonder if I could borrow Mr.
Mertz's saw.

Saw?

My wife wants to cut the legs off the
sofa.

Cut off its legs?!

It was my wife's idea.

I think I'd better have a little talk
with your wife.

Fred?

Oh, Fred.

I'm over here.

Where shall I put this desk chair?

How about back in your old apartment?

Oh, now, Fred, I got the desk.

I might as well have the chair.

Lucy, please don't buy back any more
of your old stuff.

Don't worry, I won't.

Oh, thank goodness.

There's nothing else left.

Where's Ethel and Little Ricky?

They went to the delicatessen to get
some sandwiches.

Sandwiches?
Yeah.

After the way we've been working,

I was kind of looking forward to a
hot meal.

Yeah, so was I, but the kitchen is so
jammed full of stuff

Ethel couldn't find the stove.

Oh, come now, Fred.

She could see it all right, but she
couldn't reach it.

Aah.

Come on, I fixed a little nook back
in here

where we can have something to eat.

Oh.

We're gonna be a little cramped,

but we'll have to make it do.

Just so I get to sit down for a few
minutes.

There's a place for you.

Where is everybody?

LUCY (yelling): Over here in the
breakfast nook.

Where?

Here!

Where?

Here!

Oh.

LUCY: Where's Little Ricky?

Here I am, Mommy!

ETHEL: Here he is.
Oh. Come on here, honey.

Go right through there, honey.
Come in this way.

Right in through there.

Careful. Don't bump your head,
sweetheart.

FRED: Hurry up, Ethel, I'm starved!

ETHEL: I'll be right there.

Here you are, honey.

Take your coat and hat off.

Can I help you, Ethel?

Yeah, you can come and get the milk.

Okay.

Oh.

(chuckles)

I guess I'd better back up.

Thanks.

Okay.

FRED: Ethel, where's my mustard?

ETHEL: Oh, I forgot it.

I'll have to go out in the kitchen
and get it.

Oh.

Oh!

Fred wants the mustard.

Oh. Well, here, you take this.

I'll get the mustard.

Honey, you'd never be able to find
it.

I'll have to get it.

Oh.

Okay?

Kind of crowded.

(chuckling)
Make it?

Whoop!
(grunts)

Well, hi, what's new?

Mommy?

I'm coming, honey.

There you are.
There's your milk, honey.

I want chocolate milk.

You want chocolate milk?

Oh, I thought that you wanted plain
milk.

I'll go get it.

Well, no, no, honey,

I don't think you're gonna be able to
find it.

I'll have to go with you.

Oh, he wants chocolate milk.

Oh, well, back up, honey.

Then you can get it.

Well, Ethel, you back up.

I backed up the last two times.

FRED: Ethel, where's my mustard?

I got a hungry husband.

Well, I got a thirsty child.

Back up.
Okay.

There we are.

Now, now, honey, don't bump your
head.

There we are.

FRED: No, this is the wrong mustard.

I wanted hot mustard!

ETHEL: If you want hot mustard, you
go get it yourself!

(Fred grumbling)

Lucy, would you mind backing up?

I want hot mustard on my sandwich and
I'm starved!

Well, Fred, you back up.

I have a thirsty child.

Little Ricky, where are you?

Here, Mommy.

How'd you get back there?

I took a shortcut under the
furniture.

He took a shortcut under the
furniture!

Isn't that cute?

Do you mind if I play through?

Go ahead.

Thank you.

Hello, Moby.

Excuse me.

Thank you.

ETHEL: Oh, I forgot the salt.

Back up, Fred.

You back up.

I will not.

Well, neither will I.

Well, we'll just see about that.

Now come on!

All right, we will see about that!

Oh, Fred, come on!

Back up!
You back up!

Come on now.

Wait a minute!
Wait a minute!

Why push me?
I'm an innocent bystander.

Come on now, Ethel, back up.

No.

Fred?

No!

We could starve to death this way.

Oh, okay, I give up.
Let's eat.

So stubborn.

Stubborn?
(laughs)

ETHEL: Lucy?

How are you gonna explain all this to
Ricky?

LUCY: Explain all what?

ETHEL: About buying all your old
furniture back.

LUCY: Listen, I convinced him it was
right to sell it,

so I'll convince him it was right to
buy it back.

You know I have Ricky trained.

He's putty in my hands.

Lucy!

LUCY: Speak of the putty.

(sharply): Lucy, where are you?

Lucy!

Lucy, where are you?

Come out here!

Lucy, I want to speak to you!

Lucy!

Lucy!

Oh, hi, Fred.
Hi.

Where'd she go?

FRED: She took the shortcut to the
kitchen.

You stool pigeon!

You come here.
I want to talk to you.

No.
Come right here!

I want to talk to you.
No!

Not till you calm down.

All right, I can take the shortcut,
too.

Ah, ah, aha!

(screams)

All right, start explaining.

Well, the Taylors were ruining our
furniture,

so I bought it all back.

You bought it all back?!
(phone ringing)

They wanted to put a pink shade on
our lamp.

They wanted to cut the legs off our
sofa.

The phone is ringing, Fred.

And they wanted to paint our table
black.

All right, I'll talk to you later.
Where's the phone?

They were ruining everything...
I'll find it.

Look for the phone!
I'll talk to you later.

FED: No.
(phone continues ringing)

Hello? Hello?

That's Little Ricky's phone.

Oh.

(phone still ringing)

Hello?

Yes, this is Mr. Ricardo.

Oh, hello, Mr. Spaulding.

All right, fine.

Well, we're planning to move in four
days.

Yes, sir.

What?

They have?

It was?

Oh...

Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay.

Well, thanks for calling.
Good-bye.

What'd he say?

The title search for the house has
been delayed.

We will have to stay here two more
weeks.

Eww...

Oh, now, honey...

Honey...

Now...

(closing orchestral flourish playing)

ANNOUNCER: "I Love Lucy"

starring Lucille Ball

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("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)

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