I Love Lucy (1951–1957): Season 6, Episode 15 - Lucy Wants to Move to the Country - full transcript

Ethel!

Hi, honey.

Hi.

Did you have a nice weekend in
Connecticut?

Oh, honey, it was just marvelous.

The Munsons' place is so beautiful

and Grace Munson is so sweet.

Look what she gave me to bring home.

Country butter.

(sniffing)
Oh, that's wonderful.

Grace made that herself, and look...



Grape jelly.

From the grapes in their own arbors.

Grace made that, too.

And look at the size of these eggs.

Now, don't tell me that Grace...

Oh...

Ha! Don't be silly.

But they're from their own chickens.

Oh.
And these are for you.

Oh, thanks, honey.

Oh, Ethel, there's nothing like
living in the country.

Clean, fresh air, homegrown food.

Lucy, you're not thinking of moving,
are you?

Why not? It'd be great for Little
Ricky.



And Grace took us to see

the most wonderful house that's for
sale--

a quaint, old, early American.

Why, Lucy, you're really serious
about this.

Well, I am, but Ricky isn't.

We argued about it all the way home
on the train.

You know how pigheaded he can be.

Well, hurray for pigheaded Ricky.

Ethel, whose side are you on?

Well, I know it'd be wonderful for
Little Ricky,

but I'm thinking of big Ethel.

Gee, if you moved to the country,

I may never see you again.

Oh, now, it's not as bad as all that.

You and Fred can come out on the
train on weekends.

A round-trip ticket's only $3.08.

Now I know I'll never see you again.

Oh...

Hi, Ethel.
Hi, Rick.

Hi, dear.
Honey, I'm in a hurry.

I haven't got time for breakfast.

Oh, honey, I wanted to fix you

a couple those nice, fresh country
eggs.

I'm sorry, honey, but I got to go.

Oh, and I wanted to give you some
toast

spread with country butter and
homemade jelly.

Lucy, don't start that again.

Start what again?

We decided on the train last night

that we're not gonna talk about
moving to the country anymore.

We didn't, you did.

I decided to keep right on talking
about it.

All right, you keep on talking

and I'll keep right on not listening.

Oh, honey, won't you at least think
about it

before you say no?

All right.

No.

Oh, you.

Good-bye.

Good-bye.
Bye, Ethel.

(laughing): Bye, Rick.

Oh, boy, good for him.

I have a feeling this is one time

you're not going to be able to talk
Ricky into something.

Don't you be too sure.

All my life I've wanted to live

in a quaint, old, early American
house,

and I'm not giving up without a
fight.

Oh, speaking of quaint old early
Americans,

I have to fix Fred's breakfast.

See you later.
Okay.

Thanks for the eggs, honey.

Okay.

Hi, honey.

Hi.

What are you doing?

Moving the furniture.

Well, obviously, but why is it all
pushed together

in the middle of the room?

So I can show Ricky how cramped it is

living in a crowded city apartment.

And then he'll want to move to the
country, is that it?

Ethel, I wish you'd stop thinking
like my friend

and start thinking like Little
Ricky's godmother.

Well, I just don't want you to move
away, that's all.

Oh...

Gee.

Look out.

Morbid curiosity makes me ask:

What is that for?

That's to show Ricky how really dirty
it is in the city.

I should have known.

Yeah.

Don't tell me.

City pallor.

That's right.

Oh.

Let's see now.

There, I'm all ready for Ricky to
come home.

When is the poor unsuspecting victim
due?

Any minute now.

Well, bad luck.

Oh, Ethel, honestly.

Hi, honey.

(weakly): Oh, hi, dear.

What's the matter with you?

Nothing. Why?

You look kind of pale.

Oh, that.

Well, we don't get much sun around
here, you know?

It was sunny today when you were out.

Yeah, I was out, but you know how it
is here in New York,

with all the big skyscrapers.

The Empire State Building has better
color than I do.

Lucy, what are you driving at?

Nothing, darling.

Here, I'll hang this up for you.

(banging piano keys)

Oh, honestly!

This apartment gets smaller every
day.

What's the matter with the furniture?

Not a thing. Why?

Why is it all scrunched up together

in the middle like that?

Well, that's what happens

after you spend a weekend in the
country.

You realize how small these city
apartments really are.

Any mail today?

It's on the mantle, dear.

Thank you.

Oh, honestly, the dirt in this city!

Now, you wouldn't believe that I
dusted there

just a half an hour ago, would you?

(coughing)

(coughing)

Oh, living in this congested city,

you just have one cold after another.

(hacking cough)

Lucy, I think you have gone far
enough.

(coughing): How's that?

I said you have gone far enough.

Oh, you're gonna have to speak up,
dear.

I can't hear a thing over that city
noise.

Why don't you sit down, dear,

if you can find room in this crowded
apartment.

I'm gonna put our poor little city
child to bed

in his stuffy, dusty little room.

(sneezes loudly)

While you're in there, wash that pale
look off your face.

Hi, Rick.

Hi.
Hi.

Go ahead.

Uh, Rick, we've been talking it over

and we think you should move to the
country.

You do?

Yup. After all, it doesn't matter

if we have a vacant apartment,

and what's money compared

to the health and well-being of our
good friends?

Fred, you really mean that?

No, but Ethel made me say it.

He does, too, mean it.

I really do, Rick.

For once you should listen to the
rattle-brained redhead.

I get it. You're part of Lucy's
propaganda campaign.

No, we're not.

I was against it at first and said
so,

but after I got to thinking it over,

I realized I was just being selfish.

Little Ricky should live in the
country.

You really think so, huh?

Yes, I think that every child is
better off

when they're out in the fresh air.

Can you keep a secret?

Ethel, put your fingers in your ears.

Why?

Because the only way you can keep a
secret

is not to hear it.

Oh, never mind now.
I won't tell, Ricky.

Well, you know, next week is our 16th
wedding anniversary.

Yeah, I know that.

And I got a surprise for Lucy.

Oh, what is it?

I bought her that house in the
country.

You bought the house?

Yeah. Isn't that wonderful?

You know, I pretended to be against
it at first

to throw her off the track.

But it's a wonderful house and I got
a real bargain.

I gave the man $500 deposit this
afternoon.

Gee, that's swell.

(sobbing)

What's the matter, Ethel?

I thought you said we should move.

Yes, I... I know we said you should
move, but...

But what?

You're going to move.

Good grief, Ethel.

Oh, now, it won't be that bad.

Sure, we can go out and see them on
weekends.

Fred, round-trip tickets on the train
cost $3.08 apiece.

Like I said, they can come in and see
us on weekends.

LUCY: Good night, sweetheart.

Shh...

Well, hi, Fred.
Hi.

Hi, Ethel.

ETHEL: Hi.

Honey, the baby wants you to come in

and tell him a bedtime story.

All right, dear.

Why don't you tell him

the one about Rudolph the red-nosed
reindeer

who lived in the big city and had one
cold after another

and had to keep blowing his nose and
that's why his nose was red.

I'll do that.

Or you could tell him the one

about Snow White and the seven city
dwarfs--

Sneezy, Dusty, Stuffy, Drafty,
Sniffly,

Noisy...

That's enough.

..and Pasty.

(sighs)

Gee, I'm sure not getting anywhere
with him.

LUCY: You don't suppose through the
years, Ricky has grown

an immunity to me, do you?

Well, they're giving shots for
everything these days.

Well, I don't know.

Looks like the Ricardos and the
Mertzes

are gonna be living side by side for
the rest of their lives.

(crying)

What's the matter with you, Ethel?

Are you crying?

No. No, I... I just guess

I'm getting one of those city colds
you were talking about.

You are, too, crying.

(wailing): I am not!

Oh, Ethel.

Come on, Ethel, we'd better get out
of here.

No, now, wait a minute, Fred.

Something's wrong.
What is it, Ethel?

Oh, Lucy, I know you're not gonna
move,

but if you ever do move, don't move!

(wailing): Oh, Lucy...

Why, I've never seen her like this
before.

Oh, she's out of control.

LUCY: Oh, well...

Come on, honey, but you'd better go
home

and lie down and take a nap

and I'll put a cold cloth on your
head.

No, no, no.

Oh, honey, now, there's no need to
get upset,

We're not moving to the country.

You heard what Ricky said.

(crying): Oh...

Well, honey, I know how you feel.

I'd hate to leave you, too.

I must have been crazy to even think
about moving.

Yes, Lucy.

Oh, for corn's sake.

I wouldn't leave you two and go to
the country

if you paid me.

You wouldn't?

Really, I wouldn't.

(crying)
Oh...

Well, he fell asleep right after I
was...

(Lucy and Ethel sobbing)

What happened?

Oh, honey,

thank you for being so stubborn and
pigheaded.

What?

I'm glad you didn't buy that house.

I don't want to move.

You dun't?

No, I "dun't."

I want to stay right here

in the city near my loved ones.

Well, one of your loved ones isn't
gonna be very near.

Which one?

Me-- I'm gonna be living in the
country.

What?

Well, I wanted to save it

as a surprise for our anniversary,
but...

Well, I bought you that house.

Yes.

You bought me that house?

Oh, Ricky, that's the sweetest,
nicest thing you've ever done

in all the years we've been married.

I thought so.

Oh, wasn't that sweet?

Sweet, sweet.

(crying)
Oh...

What's the matter with them?

Five minutes ago, she wanted the
house.

Oh, that was before Ethel turned on
the waterworks.

Well, if I'd known that the Bobbsey
twins

were gonna pledge eternal friendship,

I wouldn't have given that guy $500
deposit this afternoon.

Well, honey, you can get your deposit
back.

How?

Well, can't you just tell him

that you changed your mind?
Yes.

Well, honey, buying a house is not
like buying a dress.

You just can't call up the guy

and say "I don't like the color."

Well, you could tell him

it doesn't fit.
Yes.

All right, all right, I'll call him
first thing in the morning

and see what I can do.

Oh, thank you, honey.
Oh, Ricky!

Are you sure you won't change your
mind again?

I'm positive, honey.

I never want to live any other place
as long as I live.

All right.

LUCY: I just want to be right here.

Okay. Okay.

Women-- you can't live with them,

but I guess it'd be pretty hard to
live without them.

Well, it might be worth a try.

Well, I know, I know, Mr. Spaulding,

but you see, well, my wife changed
her mind

and I thought that maybe we could...

Sure.

Yes, sir, uh-huh.

All right, sir. Good-bye.

What did he say?

Is he gonna give you your deposit
back?

He said absolutely not.

A deal is a deal.

Oh, dear.

You mean you have to move to the
country

whether you want to or not?

No. But if I don't buy the house, I
lose $500.

Well, I don't think that's very nice
of Mr. Spaulding

not giving you your money back.

Well, honey, on the strength of us
buying his house,

he bought another house down the
road,

so you can't blame him for holding us
to the deal.

I sure wouldn't be as calm as you are

if I were losing $500.

If you were losing $500, you'd be
foaming at the mouth.

Well, I guess that's that.

Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.

It's all my fault.

Maybe... maybe you could take it out
of my allowance

for the next 50 years.

I have to go to the club, honey.

I'll talk to you when I come home.
Good-bye.

Bye, Rick.
Bye.

FRED: So long, Rick.

Oh, gee.

There must be some way to get that
$500 back.

Fred, you know about real estate and
things.

Isn't there some way that we can make
Mr. Spaulding

give, um, give that deposit back?

Well, I don't know.

Unless you could fix it some way

to make him think you're undesirable,

and he didn't want you to have the
house.

Hey, that's a good idea.

Yeah.

Now, let's think.

How can we do that?

We?

How did we get in on this?

Well, for heaven's sake, Ethel,

You and Fred are the reason that I
don't want to move.

The least you can do is help me out
of this fix.

Oh, you're right.

Let's see now.

How can we be undesirable?

That shouldn't be hard for you,
Ethel.

Never mind now.

Just think.

(weeping)

Oh, there, there, Eleanor.

I can't help it, Gerald.

Moving out of this house after 30
years.

Well, we're not moving to the North
Pole, my dear.

We'll be living right down the road.

Oh, it won't be the same.

Oh, maybe you should give the
Ricardos their money back.

Now, Eleanor, a deal is a deal.

And don't forget, we both agreed

now that the children are married,

we don't need this big house.

That's right.

Oh, I do hope they're nice people

and will take care of it.

They seem like very nice people.

Well, you never can tell, dear.

Remember, they're in show business.

Oh, now, Eleanor, we mustn't be
narrow-minded.

Some of them are all right.

I suppose so.

(knock at door)

Oh, I'll, uh, I'll see who that is.

Hiya, Pops.

Uh... oh, Mrs. Ricardo.

That's right.

Do you mind if I bring a couple my
friends in

and case the joint?

Uh, well, uh, not at all.

I just want to show them around, you
know.

(whistles)

Come on in, the coast is clear.

I want you to meet a couple friends
of mine,

Fred and Ethel Mertz.

Uh, how do you do?

Hiya, honey.

Lay off, baby.

Okay.

Oh, Eleanor.

Oh, hiya, toots.

You, uh, you know Mrs. Ricardo,

and these are her friends, Fred and
Ethel Mertz.

How do you do?
Hi, honey.

Lay off, baby.

Mrs. Ricardo, you...

you don't look at all the way you did
the other day.

Your clothes are so different.

Oh, you mean that little dark suit
and the hat

with the veil and the little white
gloves?

Yes, that's right.

I was on my way to a masquerade
party.

Went as a lady.

(laughing loudly)

Well, come on, let's case the joint.

Okay.

Whoo, boy.

Well, nice little hideout.

Hideout?

He means hideaway.

Hey, Fingers, get a load of this.

Perfect spot for stashing the ice.

Yeah.

Ice?

Oh, we have a refrigerator.

Ah, you're cute, kiddo.

Corny, but cute.

Leave it to The Brains to pick out a
spot like this.

Yeah, they don't call him "The
Brains" for nothing.

Brains?

Tricky Ricky Ricardo.

Your husband?

I thought he was a bandleader.

He's our leader.

We're the band.

But he told us he had a rhumba band.

(cackling)

Oh, that one again.

Don't tell me he used that phony
Spanish accent, too?

(thud)

Whoops!

Sorry.

Fingers, I thought I told you not to
pack a rod

unless we were pulling a job.

LUCY: Now hand it over.

Why should I?
You ain't The Brains.

No, but I'm Mrs. Brains

and don't you forget it, bub.

Uh, Mrs. Ricardo...

What do you want?

Well, uh, Eleanor and I have just
been thinking,

and perhaps this isn't the right
house for you after all.

Now just a minute.

A deal's a deal.

The Brains bought this house

and gave you his check for a deposit.

Well, it's not really a deal unless I
cash the check.

Is that so?

So what I think I'll do is

just return it, nothing personal.

That's right, nothing personal.

Now The Brains will have to find
another house.

He ain't gonna like this.

What do I care what he likes?

Watch out or you'll step on The
Brains' toes, Fingers.

All right, hands up, everybody!

(shrieking)

Not you, Eleanor.

Don't try anything funny.

Eleanor, get her purse, that's where
she put the gun.

Careful.

Uh, Mr. Spaulding, I can explain
everything.

You can explain it to the police.

Well, I'd rather explain it to you,
sir.

No, to the police.

And here, you can take your check
back.

We don't want your kind of people out
here.

Take it, take it.

All right, now back up against the
fireplace.

You, too, buster.

Back up.

All right, now turn around.

That's better.

(knocking at door)

Oh, Eleanor, see who that is at the
door, and be careful.

Higher with the hands!

It's The Brains!

(screams)

Mr. Spaulding, what's...

All right, get your hands up!

What's the matter?

Back over here, Brains.
What?

Right there.
Back up.

Somebody wanna tell me what's go...

What are you doing here?

Well, I got your deposit back, dear,
here.

Oh, good.

What are we doing up with our hands
like this?

Well, uh, he thinks we're gangsters.

Gangsters!

That's right, Ricardo.

And you can drop that phony Spanish
accent.

Huh?

We-we-we pretended to be gangsters

so that Mr. Spaulding would think we
were undesirable

and then wouldn't sell us his house,
see,

so we can get your deposit back, and
it worked.

Except that we might have to spend
the rest

of our lives in the pokey.

If my hands weren't up here,

they'd be right around your neck.

Look, Mr. Spaulding, this is very
simple.

My wife just changed her mind...

She really didn't make...

Back! Back! Back!
Back! Back! Back!

I changed my mind, that's all.

Mr. Spaulding, I know that it's very
difficult

for anybody to believe

that anyone would pull a stunt like
this,

but you don't know my dizzy wife and
her crackpot friends.

(protesting)

Quiet! Quiet!
Quiet!

Quiet. The man said quiet.

I'd never known such gabby gangsters.

Mr. Spaulding, I-I assure you

if we could just be alone for a
minute, I could 'splain

if I could get in a wordge in
edgewise.

Yeah, just let him get a "wordge" in
edgewise

and he'll "'splain."

Well, yeah, all right.

See if he's got a gun, Eleanor, and
be careful.

He's clean.

That's what they say on Line Up.

Well, you, uh, take this and guard
them,

and be careful now.

All right, Ricardo, come with me.

Look out with that thing, lady, now.

Right over there.

Through that door, and keep your
hands up.

Yes, sir.
Yes.

I'm an orchestra leader.

Yes. Right in there, please.

(door shuts)

Oh, boy, I could never be a gangster.

I don't have the arms for it.

You know, Lucy, now that I get a
chance

to look around this room, it really
is beautiful.

Oh, I know, it's the most charming
house I've ever seen,

and you should see the den in the
upstairs.

Oh, it's beautiful.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, don't mention it.

Oh, and it's authentic early
American.

Yes, it's over a hundred years old.

You won't find beamed ceilings like
that

in the houses that they build today.

No kidding, a hundred years old, huh?

Ethel, did you see the fireplace?

Yes, I did.

And there's one in the master
bedroom, too.

And oh, the kitchen.

You ought to see the kitchen, Ethel.

It's a dream.

Lucy, I don't blame you

for wanting to move out here.

Isn't it wonderful?

Beautiful.

It's all right, Eleanor.

Mr. Ricardo has just convinced me

they're not really gangsters.

But you wouldn't believe some of the
other things

his dizzy wife and her crackpot
friends have done.

Well, are you sure he's telling the
truth, Gerald?

Yes, ma'am.
Oh, I'm sure

for one thing that accent isn't
phony.

I could hardly understand his
explanation.

But how about that gun?

Just a water pistol, see?

Just a water pistol.

It belongs to our little son.

I'm sorry... I'm sorry about all the
misunderstanding,

and I think it's very, very nice of
you to let me keep the check.

SPALDING: It's quite all right.

Uh, Ricky, honey.

Yes, dear?

What, dear?

Give him the check back, honey.

What?!

I want the house after all.

Oh, no!

Oh, please, honey, I just got to have
it.

Oh...
Please?

Are you sure this time?

I'm positive.

Mr. Spaulding, is the house still for
sale?

Yes, it's still for sale, but it'll
cost $500 more.

$500 more?!

Yes. You frightened Eleanor and me
out of our wits.

It'll cost exactly $500 to recover.

All right.

All right, $500 more.

Oh, thank you!

Thank you!

Oh! I'm sorry.

That'll be $550 more.

Oh.

Happy anniversary, darling.

16 years.

Honey?

Happy anniversary.

(applause)

(band plays dramatic note to
conclusion)

ANNOUNCER: "I Love Lucy" starring
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz

was brought to you by New Lilt,

the only home permanent with
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The fastest, easiest home permanent
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("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)

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