I Love Lucy (1951–1957): Season 5, Episode 25 - Lucy Goes to Monte Carlo - full transcript
Lucy and Ethel go to the casino and inadvertently win big. After Ricky finds the hidden money, he thinks Fred has been skimming Ricky's concert earnings.
"Lucy Goes to Monte Carlo"
("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)
(theme song ending)
ANNOUNCER: And now, "I Love Lucy."
(applause)
Honey, it's time to get down for the
dinner show.
Ricky?
Ricky, do you mind if I don't go to
your show tonight?
Don't go?
Uh, yeah. The show is wonderful
and I just love the numbers you do,
but, you know, after seeing it so
many times,
it does get a little boring.
Do you mind if I don't go tonight?
Ethel and I?
No, of course not, honey.
Why should I mind?
Good. I-I thought we might go to a
movie.
Sure. That's a good idea.
Go out, have a little dinner, then go
to a movie,
and what do you mean my show is
boring?
Oh, well, honey, I didn't mean it was
really boring,
but, you know, after seeing it so
many times, it...
Well, after 20 or 30 times it does
get a little...
Yes?
Well, let's put it this way:
Your show is so great, I just can't
stand the excitement
of seeing it one more time.
That's better.
Oh.
That's better?
Hi, Rick.
Oh, hi. Hi.
We'd better get down for the dinner
show, Rick.
Yeah, okay, I'll be right with you,
Fred.
Hey, Ethel, Ethel, how would you
like to have dinner and go to a movie
with me tonight?
Oh, I'd love to,
but how did you get us out of the,
uh, s-h-o-w?
Oh, Ethel, he can't pronounce
English,
but he can spell it.
You're darn tootin' I can.
That's one thing I know how to do is
how to s-p-e-l.
I'll get my things.
FRED: Hey, Rick, there's something I
want to...
Well, I'd better tell you.
Yeah, what is it, Fred?
Well, I was going over the books and,
uh...
Well, you know that money isn't
everything.
And you also know that, uh, anyone
can make a mistake.
Well, wha-wha-what's going on?
You remember how I told you back in
Rome
that we'd cleared $3,000.
Yeah?
Well, I checked the figures again,
and, uh...
when I jiggled the paper, uh...
for what I thought were decimal
points fell off.
Must've been dirt or something.
So, we, uh, didn't make quite $3,000.
Well, how much did we make?
$300.
$300?!
Fred, when I hire a band manager,
I hire somebody to handle things, not
to louse them up.
Well, I'm sorry, Rick, but these
things just happen.
Well, there's been too many
of these dumb things just happening.
I might as just as well had Lucy for
a band manager.
Well, you don't have to get nasty.
What do you mean?
What do you mean you might just as
well
have had Lucy for a band...
And what do you mean," "You don't
have to get nasty"?
Never mind.
What's going on?
Three guesses who goofed.
What did I do?!
Not you-- Fred, the boy wonder of
Wall Street.
Oh.
Well, look, we'll have to
go over the books tomorrow and see
exactly where we stand.
Come on or we'll be late for the
show.
Okay.
I'll go get my coat.
Hey, I got a wonderful idea.
Let's you and I go to the Monte Carlo
Casino tonight.
Oh, let's do. We couldn't leave
without seeing the most famous
gambling casino in the world.
And who knows, we might be the first
Americans
who ever broke the bank at Monte
Carlo.
Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh.
You're not going to broke no bank
nowhere.
Why not? Because I don't want you to
go to the casino.
Why not?
Because I don't want you to gamble.
Oh, honey, just a few dollars. I
might win.
That would be worse.
Like my father used to say:
"El dinero que se gana jugando no
tiene ningun bien.
"Y si te encuentro jugando, no puedes
sentar por una semana.
Well!
What does that mean?
It means, "Ill-gotten gold is no
one's gain.
"And furthermore, my son, if I catch
you gambling,
you won't be able to sit down for a
week."
All right, so I won't gamble.
I just want to see what the casino
looks like.
Ah, no, no, no, no.
Once you get in there, the temptation
is irresistible.
Oh, how do you know?
I know.
My father took me to Havana once.
So?
So I couldn't sit down
for a week.
Remember, no casino.
Why don't you just lock me in my room
for the night?
Oh, no, honey, don't be silly.
You can go and have dinner anywhere
you want,
and then go see a movie.
And you stay out of that casino, too,
Ethel.
Oh, with the money you give me, you
don't have to worry.
It's not that; I'm afraid you might
meet up with some prince
and sweep him off his feet.
Well, I could. I might, I might.
(chuckling): Well, good luck.
(door shuts)
Dinner and a movie, big deal.
Well, so we can't gamble.
We can at least eat.
Where'll we go?
Well, let's see, restaurants,
restaurants...
Hey.
You know where we're dining tonight?
Where?
At a very famous
Monte Carlo restaurant called "Le
Grille."
Is it near the casino?
It's in the casino.
Lucy, we can't do that.
Why not? They said we could eat
at anyplace we wanted to, didn't
they?
Yeah, but they also said we couldn't
go to the casino.
Oh, well, Ethel, if you're gonna
split hairs...
Well, I'd rather split hairs
than have the boys split our skulls.
Look at it this way:
How many times in your life are you
going to be in Monte Carlo?
Well, I don't know, but...
Is it our fault the best restaurant
is in the casino?
Well, we don't have to go to that
restaurant.
We do if we want to see the casino.
In the face of such logic, how can I
refuse?
Oh, Ethel, isn't it exciting?
Uh, yeah, yeah.
Le-let's get out of here.
Now, now, we are, we are, we're on
our way out.
We're just strolling slowly through
the casino
to help digest our food, you know.
Les des sont a vous, madame.
Huh?
It is your dice, madame.
Oh, uh, uh, j'ai do not play-ay.
Oh, look.
Ooh, a chip, huh?
Uh...
Pardon me, sir, is this your chip?
Uh, this must be your chip, then,
sir.
No, no, madame.
No?
(sighing)
Il n'y en a plus. Merci.
26 black.
Madame, madame.
Madame!
Number 26 has won.
What?
Number 26 has won.
So?
Your number has won.
My number won?
Yes. Look, all this is yours.
Oh, well, that...
there's been a mistake.
See, I put the chip on the table,
but it wasn't really my chip in the
first place.
I-I threw it on a number, but I
didn't mean to.
This isn't my money.
Look, this isn't my money, sir.
The whole stack on number 18, madame?
Oh, fine, 18, I don't care.
Nombre dix-huit, 18.
You have won again.
Pardon me.
What is your system, madame?
System?
I don't have any system.
I don't know anything about the game.
(laughing)
Madame, madame, your money.
It is not my money, no, sir.
Pardon, madame.
It is your money.
I saw you placing the bet with my own
eyes.
Now, now, look.
Wait just a minute, mister.
I... Oh, Ethel.
Uh, you saw her put the bet on the
table,
but that chip didn't belong to her.
The first chip, it was not mine.
Oh, very well.
Voila, this is for the house.
The rest is yours.
Pardon, madame,
do you wish to place another bet?
Now, look, look. Try to get this
through your head.
I-I-I wash my hands of those chips.
But, madame...
As far as I'm concerned,
they can stay right where they are, I
don't care.
Oh, then you like to try it on the
number 18?
Fine, fine.
18 repeats!
Ethel, this is terrible.
What are they doing to me?
Oh, let's just get out of here, huh?
Pardon, pardon, pa-pa-pardon, madame.
Uh, does madame wish to continue with
the game?
I was never in the game.
Oh, you do not wish to place another
bet?
No, sir. No, sir.
Oh, wait, madame,
then please follow me to the cashier.
The cashier?
Ja. you just won 875,000 francs.
Look, I-I just couldn't care less.
All I was doing was just walking
through the casino.
I put-- 875,000 francs!
Oui, madame.
Ethel!
Ethel, come on!
Fred?
Freddie?
Come on in. We're safe.
He must have stayed for the late
show.
Oh, Ethel, what are we gonna do with
this?
Oh, Lucy, we've got to do something.
We can't hide it in my room.
If Ricky finds it, he'll kill me.
Even after he finds out how much you
won?
Oh, honey, that would be worse.
He'd be a rich widower.
Let me hide it in here
until I can at least think of some
way to...
to tell him without admitting
that I went to the casino.
Well, all right.
Where'll we put it?
How about under the mattress?
Oh, no, it'd get mixed up with Fred's
money.
I know, I know.
I've got it.
Right in here with my good lingerie.
There's lots of room.
I haven't much good lingerie.
Here. Put it under there.
It'll be safe there.
Gee, French money is big, isn't it?
Oh, I never knew it was that big.
Who would imagine a thing like this
happening?
Come on now.
It's all right.
Winning all that money.
Ethel, how am I gonna explain all
that money?
This is probably the toughest
assignment I've ever had.
Well, maybe something will come to
you in the night.
Gee, I hope so.
Don't tell Fred.
Flannelmouth Freddie?
I should say not.
Okay, and thanks a lot, Ethel.
Well, good night.
'Night.
Hi.
Hi.
Is Fred here?
No, he's down in the barbershop.
Oh, I'll call him.
Barbershop, please.
Is Lucy in her room?
No. I think she's down in the lobby.
Oh, well, maybe I'll run into her.
So long, Rick.
Bye.
Monsieur Mertz, please.
FRED: Hello?
Oh, hello, Fred, this is Ricky.
I'm up in your room.
I came over to go over the books, you
know.
I'll be right up.
As long as you're there,
why don't you get started on the
books?
All right. Where are they?
They're in my suitcase in the closet.
Okay.
(whistling)
(laughing)
Hi, Rick.
Hi, Fred.
I'm sorry, I...
Hey, you got hold of the wrong
suitcase.
I'll say I did.
That's full of Ethel's
unmentionables.
There's a few of yours in here, too.
What do you mean?
Look, Fred...
we've been friends for a long time.
Well?
I-I-I know there's a logical
explanation.
Don't you have something to tell me?
Well, no, I don't think so.
All right, Fred,
if that's the way you want to handle
it.
Open the suitcase and explain what's
in it.
Well, what are you talking about?
Just open the suitcase and explain
what's in it.
Well, all right.
This is Ethel's girdle.
(whistles)
This is what I mean.
Holy smoke! Where did that bundle of
cabbage come from?
That's what I'd like to know.
Huh?
What's the story?
What's what story?
Now, look, Fred...
Yeah?
Yesterday, you told me
that you made a mistake in
bookkeeping in Rome.
Uh-huh.
That we hadn't made $3,000,
that we've only made $300.
That we were short $2,700.
And today I find a suitcase full of
money in your closet.
Are you trying to tell me
you think I've been juggling the
books?
Fred, I am trying to find out a
logical explanation.
Now, after all, you...
you have almost a million francs in
this suitcase,
and you say you don't know where it
comes from, huh!
Well, in the first place,
it isn't my suitcase, it's Ethel's.
Please, now, don't be a cad and pin
it on your wife!
Now, where did this money come from?
I tell you, I don't know!
Now, Fred,
I am afraid I have caught you
red-handed.
You have not caught me red-handed,
you Cuban mush-mouth.
Fred...
I am trying to be fair.
Don't make me lose my temper.
Oh, go ahead and lose it.
I've already lost mine.
Now, put up your dukes!
Fred...
Go on, put 'em up.
I'm gonna thrash you within an inch
of your life.
Fred, I am not gonna get into a fight
with you.
Oh, yes, you are. You've sullied the
name of Mertz.
Now, come on.
Fred.
Fred!
Fred!
Es una cosa horrible que paso!
No lo puedo creer!
No lo puedo creer!
I didn't do anything!
I didn't do anything!
It's not you.
This time it's Fred.
Oh.
Fred Mertz.
You know what he's been doing?
What? He's been juggling the
books.
Fred Mertz is an embezzler.
Not our Fred Mertz.
Yes, our Fred Mertz.
Oh, honey, that...
that can't be true.
You must be mistaken.
No, no, no, I'm not mistaken.
Accidentally I found a suitcase full
of money in his closet.
And he says he has no idea
where that money came from. Huh!
Oh, uh...
Uh, Ricky, that isn't Fred's money in
Ethel's suitcase.
What do you mean it isn't Fred's...
How did you know it was Ethel's
suitcase?
Oh... uh, how did I know it was
Ethel's suitcase?
Yeah?
Was Ethel there?
No.
Well, then, uh...
she told me it was her money.
Where did Ethel get all that money?
Her aunt died and left it to her.
Her aunt left her French money?
Oh.
It was her French aunt.
That's good.
I mean, that's right.
Her French aunt, her aunt Yvette.
Yeah, Yvette.
Are you telling me the truth?
If I'm not, may I drop dead.
Why didn't Fred say something about
it?
He didn't know.
He didn't know?
No, no, you know how tight Fred is.
Uh, Ethel didn't want that old
rooster
to know about her nest egg.
Boy, if... if what you're saying is
right,
I certainly owe Fred Mertz an
apology.
Yeah, well...
(door slamming)
There it is, Ricardo.
My resignation.
Effective immediately.
Immediately after you pay our
transportation
back to the States,
plus two weeks severance pay.
Now, Fred...
Fred.
I-I'm afraid I owe you an apology.
I just found out
that that money belongs to Ethel.
Ethel who?
Ethel Mertz.
My Ethel Mertz?
Yes.
Her aunt died and left her the money.
What aunt?
A... A French aunt that you don't
know about.
That's right, Fred.
Do you mean my little honeybun is
loaded?
Yeah.
Gee, Fred, I'm, I'm...
I'm sorry I thought you were a crook.
That's all right, Rick, what are
friends for?
Listen, we'll tear this up, huh?
All right.
Fred... Fred, uh,
don't tell Ethel you know.
Let her tell you in her own way, huh?
Yeah, that-that'd be better, Fred.
Sure, sure. Don't say that we
told you.
I know what you mean.
Oh, there you are!
It was so hot out,
I had to come right back.
I've never seen, uh, uh...
What are you looking so funny about?
Hello, there, you little dickens,
you!
What's the matter with you?
Sweetheart, it just dawned on me
what a fascinating creature you are.
The heat's got him.
No, no, no, don't be silly.
It's you, you doll.
Why, when you walked into this room,
if we weren't already married, I'd
have asked you for a date.
Come on, honey, let's try and go
someplace
where we can be alone.
Come on, darling,
come on.
Let's try and be alone for a minute.
Come on, I'll sit here.
You sit in my lap.
Come on, sweetie pie.
Now, now, put your arm around me.
There.
Fred, are you sure you're all right?
I never felt better in my life,
lover.
Oh, then you meant all those things
you said in there?
'Course I did.
Oh, you are cute.
(phone rings)
(laughs giddily)
Hello.
Hello. Ethel, it's me.
Uh, call back later, dear.
Now, where were we?
(phone rings)
Oh...
Hello?
Ethel, listen to me now.
Ricky's going downstairs.
It's my only chance to talk to you.
Ricky found all that money in your
suitcase
and thought Fred had been juggling
the books,
so I told him it was your money.
What'd you do that for?
Well, I didn't want him to think Fred
was an embezzler
and I didn't want him to find out I'd
been gambling
and you were the only one left.
I ran out of people.
Well, you've run out of friends, too.
That's the dirtiest trick you've ever
played on me!
I never want to see you again!
(phone clicks)
Oh, but now...
Who was that, snookums?
Aah, you let me up.
No, now, tootsie...
I just found out why you're
tootsieing me.
It's on account of that money in my
suitcase.
Money? That money had nothing
to do with my deep devotion for you.
Well, it's a good thing it didn't
because it isn't mine, it's Lucy's.
Lucy's?!
She won it last night gambling at the
casino.
What are you trying to pull?
I'm not trying to pull anything.
It was Lucy's half-baked idea.
Ethel, I'm sorry. I'm sorry!
You're sorry?
How do you think I feel?
Lucy, you and I are through.
Oh, now, Ethel, listen...
And don't you say anything, you
golddigger.
Don't you call me a gold digger, you
pauper!
Oh, now, Ricky was right.
Ill-gotten gold is nobody's gain.
Look at us, at each other's throats
just because of that dirty money.
This dirty old money!
Lucy, what are you gonna do?
Lucy! Where are you gonna go?
I'm going back to the casino
and get rid of this ill-gotten gold!
(groaning)
Now, what's the matter with you?
Wiped out twice in one lifetime.
What do you mean?
The crash of '29 and now this.
Fred!
Hi.
What's the matter?
What's going on?
What's the matter with Fred?
He just found out I'm not Bobo
Rockefeller.
What are you talking about?
The money in that suitcase isn't
mine, it's Lucy's.
Oh.
Lucy's!
Yeah, she won it gambling last night
at the casino.
I told her not to gamble!
Oh, now, put your eyes back in their
sockets.
She only gambled by accident.
By accident?
Oh, come now, there was almost a
million francs in that suitcase.
You can think of a better story than
that.
Oh, now, Ricky, it's the truth.
It's the truth. She found a chip on
the floor
and she threw it on the table to give
it back and it won.
She kept pushing the chips,
just kept pushing them away from her
and she pushed her way into a
fortune.
Oh.
Now, Rick, she kept her promise,
honest she did.
We just happened to eat in a
restaurant
that was in the casino.
You told her she could eat anyplace
she wanted to.
Ricky, please don't be angry.
(chuckling)
I'm not angry.
You're not?
I think it's wonderful.
You do?
Gee, Lucy thought you'd be furious.
Of course not, it wasn't her fault.
No, it wasn't.
Not her fault.
No.
Where is she?
She's gone to the casino to give back
the money!
Oh, no!
Yeah.
(yells)
There, and I never want to see it
again.
One moment, madame.
You don't know, you don't know
what has happened to me with that
money.
I-I put one chip on this table
yesterday and-and it...
and it... money like that that I
don't...
Here are your chips, madame.
I do not want the chips, I wash my
hands.
Vingt-cinq. 25.
Wait, madame, you have won again.
That is impossible
because I did not put my chips on any
number.
I know, madame, but you had them on
red.
And 25 is red.
Oh, no.
Lucy!
Ricky, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't
mean it.
I didn't mean it...
Look, look, honey,
Ethel explained everything to me,
and I think it's wonderful.
You mean I can keep it?
Sure. Where's the money?
22.
Right there.
Oh, no!
(wailing)
(closing orchestral flourish playing)
("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)
ANNOUNCER: Also seen in tonight's
cast were Gordon Clark, John Mylong,
Louis Nicoletti and Jacques Villon.
"I Love Lucy" is a Desilu Production.
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz
will be back next week at this same
time.
("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)
(theme song ending)
ANNOUNCER: And now, "I Love Lucy."
(applause)
Honey, it's time to get down for the
dinner show.
Ricky?
Ricky, do you mind if I don't go to
your show tonight?
Don't go?
Uh, yeah. The show is wonderful
and I just love the numbers you do,
but, you know, after seeing it so
many times,
it does get a little boring.
Do you mind if I don't go tonight?
Ethel and I?
No, of course not, honey.
Why should I mind?
Good. I-I thought we might go to a
movie.
Sure. That's a good idea.
Go out, have a little dinner, then go
to a movie,
and what do you mean my show is
boring?
Oh, well, honey, I didn't mean it was
really boring,
but, you know, after seeing it so
many times, it...
Well, after 20 or 30 times it does
get a little...
Yes?
Well, let's put it this way:
Your show is so great, I just can't
stand the excitement
of seeing it one more time.
That's better.
Oh.
That's better?
Hi, Rick.
Oh, hi. Hi.
We'd better get down for the dinner
show, Rick.
Yeah, okay, I'll be right with you,
Fred.
Hey, Ethel, Ethel, how would you
like to have dinner and go to a movie
with me tonight?
Oh, I'd love to,
but how did you get us out of the,
uh, s-h-o-w?
Oh, Ethel, he can't pronounce
English,
but he can spell it.
You're darn tootin' I can.
That's one thing I know how to do is
how to s-p-e-l.
I'll get my things.
FRED: Hey, Rick, there's something I
want to...
Well, I'd better tell you.
Yeah, what is it, Fred?
Well, I was going over the books and,
uh...
Well, you know that money isn't
everything.
And you also know that, uh, anyone
can make a mistake.
Well, wha-wha-what's going on?
You remember how I told you back in
Rome
that we'd cleared $3,000.
Yeah?
Well, I checked the figures again,
and, uh...
when I jiggled the paper, uh...
for what I thought were decimal
points fell off.
Must've been dirt or something.
So, we, uh, didn't make quite $3,000.
Well, how much did we make?
$300.
$300?!
Fred, when I hire a band manager,
I hire somebody to handle things, not
to louse them up.
Well, I'm sorry, Rick, but these
things just happen.
Well, there's been too many
of these dumb things just happening.
I might as just as well had Lucy for
a band manager.
Well, you don't have to get nasty.
What do you mean?
What do you mean you might just as
well
have had Lucy for a band...
And what do you mean," "You don't
have to get nasty"?
Never mind.
What's going on?
Three guesses who goofed.
What did I do?!
Not you-- Fred, the boy wonder of
Wall Street.
Oh.
Well, look, we'll have to
go over the books tomorrow and see
exactly where we stand.
Come on or we'll be late for the
show.
Okay.
I'll go get my coat.
Hey, I got a wonderful idea.
Let's you and I go to the Monte Carlo
Casino tonight.
Oh, let's do. We couldn't leave
without seeing the most famous
gambling casino in the world.
And who knows, we might be the first
Americans
who ever broke the bank at Monte
Carlo.
Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh.
You're not going to broke no bank
nowhere.
Why not? Because I don't want you to
go to the casino.
Why not?
Because I don't want you to gamble.
Oh, honey, just a few dollars. I
might win.
That would be worse.
Like my father used to say:
"El dinero que se gana jugando no
tiene ningun bien.
"Y si te encuentro jugando, no puedes
sentar por una semana.
Well!
What does that mean?
It means, "Ill-gotten gold is no
one's gain.
"And furthermore, my son, if I catch
you gambling,
you won't be able to sit down for a
week."
All right, so I won't gamble.
I just want to see what the casino
looks like.
Ah, no, no, no, no.
Once you get in there, the temptation
is irresistible.
Oh, how do you know?
I know.
My father took me to Havana once.
So?
So I couldn't sit down
for a week.
Remember, no casino.
Why don't you just lock me in my room
for the night?
Oh, no, honey, don't be silly.
You can go and have dinner anywhere
you want,
and then go see a movie.
And you stay out of that casino, too,
Ethel.
Oh, with the money you give me, you
don't have to worry.
It's not that; I'm afraid you might
meet up with some prince
and sweep him off his feet.
Well, I could. I might, I might.
(chuckling): Well, good luck.
(door shuts)
Dinner and a movie, big deal.
Well, so we can't gamble.
We can at least eat.
Where'll we go?
Well, let's see, restaurants,
restaurants...
Hey.
You know where we're dining tonight?
Where?
At a very famous
Monte Carlo restaurant called "Le
Grille."
Is it near the casino?
It's in the casino.
Lucy, we can't do that.
Why not? They said we could eat
at anyplace we wanted to, didn't
they?
Yeah, but they also said we couldn't
go to the casino.
Oh, well, Ethel, if you're gonna
split hairs...
Well, I'd rather split hairs
than have the boys split our skulls.
Look at it this way:
How many times in your life are you
going to be in Monte Carlo?
Well, I don't know, but...
Is it our fault the best restaurant
is in the casino?
Well, we don't have to go to that
restaurant.
We do if we want to see the casino.
In the face of such logic, how can I
refuse?
Oh, Ethel, isn't it exciting?
Uh, yeah, yeah.
Le-let's get out of here.
Now, now, we are, we are, we're on
our way out.
We're just strolling slowly through
the casino
to help digest our food, you know.
Les des sont a vous, madame.
Huh?
It is your dice, madame.
Oh, uh, uh, j'ai do not play-ay.
Oh, look.
Ooh, a chip, huh?
Uh...
Pardon me, sir, is this your chip?
Uh, this must be your chip, then,
sir.
No, no, madame.
No?
(sighing)
Il n'y en a plus. Merci.
26 black.
Madame, madame.
Madame!
Number 26 has won.
What?
Number 26 has won.
So?
Your number has won.
My number won?
Yes. Look, all this is yours.
Oh, well, that...
there's been a mistake.
See, I put the chip on the table,
but it wasn't really my chip in the
first place.
I-I threw it on a number, but I
didn't mean to.
This isn't my money.
Look, this isn't my money, sir.
The whole stack on number 18, madame?
Oh, fine, 18, I don't care.
Nombre dix-huit, 18.
You have won again.
Pardon me.
What is your system, madame?
System?
I don't have any system.
I don't know anything about the game.
(laughing)
Madame, madame, your money.
It is not my money, no, sir.
Pardon, madame.
It is your money.
I saw you placing the bet with my own
eyes.
Now, now, look.
Wait just a minute, mister.
I... Oh, Ethel.
Uh, you saw her put the bet on the
table,
but that chip didn't belong to her.
The first chip, it was not mine.
Oh, very well.
Voila, this is for the house.
The rest is yours.
Pardon, madame,
do you wish to place another bet?
Now, look, look. Try to get this
through your head.
I-I-I wash my hands of those chips.
But, madame...
As far as I'm concerned,
they can stay right where they are, I
don't care.
Oh, then you like to try it on the
number 18?
Fine, fine.
18 repeats!
Ethel, this is terrible.
What are they doing to me?
Oh, let's just get out of here, huh?
Pardon, pardon, pa-pa-pardon, madame.
Uh, does madame wish to continue with
the game?
I was never in the game.
Oh, you do not wish to place another
bet?
No, sir. No, sir.
Oh, wait, madame,
then please follow me to the cashier.
The cashier?
Ja. you just won 875,000 francs.
Look, I-I just couldn't care less.
All I was doing was just walking
through the casino.
I put-- 875,000 francs!
Oui, madame.
Ethel!
Ethel, come on!
Fred?
Freddie?
Come on in. We're safe.
He must have stayed for the late
show.
Oh, Ethel, what are we gonna do with
this?
Oh, Lucy, we've got to do something.
We can't hide it in my room.
If Ricky finds it, he'll kill me.
Even after he finds out how much you
won?
Oh, honey, that would be worse.
He'd be a rich widower.
Let me hide it in here
until I can at least think of some
way to...
to tell him without admitting
that I went to the casino.
Well, all right.
Where'll we put it?
How about under the mattress?
Oh, no, it'd get mixed up with Fred's
money.
I know, I know.
I've got it.
Right in here with my good lingerie.
There's lots of room.
I haven't much good lingerie.
Here. Put it under there.
It'll be safe there.
Gee, French money is big, isn't it?
Oh, I never knew it was that big.
Who would imagine a thing like this
happening?
Come on now.
It's all right.
Winning all that money.
Ethel, how am I gonna explain all
that money?
This is probably the toughest
assignment I've ever had.
Well, maybe something will come to
you in the night.
Gee, I hope so.
Don't tell Fred.
Flannelmouth Freddie?
I should say not.
Okay, and thanks a lot, Ethel.
Well, good night.
'Night.
Hi.
Hi.
Is Fred here?
No, he's down in the barbershop.
Oh, I'll call him.
Barbershop, please.
Is Lucy in her room?
No. I think she's down in the lobby.
Oh, well, maybe I'll run into her.
So long, Rick.
Bye.
Monsieur Mertz, please.
FRED: Hello?
Oh, hello, Fred, this is Ricky.
I'm up in your room.
I came over to go over the books, you
know.
I'll be right up.
As long as you're there,
why don't you get started on the
books?
All right. Where are they?
They're in my suitcase in the closet.
Okay.
(whistling)
(laughing)
Hi, Rick.
Hi, Fred.
I'm sorry, I...
Hey, you got hold of the wrong
suitcase.
I'll say I did.
That's full of Ethel's
unmentionables.
There's a few of yours in here, too.
What do you mean?
Look, Fred...
we've been friends for a long time.
Well?
I-I-I know there's a logical
explanation.
Don't you have something to tell me?
Well, no, I don't think so.
All right, Fred,
if that's the way you want to handle
it.
Open the suitcase and explain what's
in it.
Well, what are you talking about?
Just open the suitcase and explain
what's in it.
Well, all right.
This is Ethel's girdle.
(whistles)
This is what I mean.
Holy smoke! Where did that bundle of
cabbage come from?
That's what I'd like to know.
Huh?
What's the story?
What's what story?
Now, look, Fred...
Yeah?
Yesterday, you told me
that you made a mistake in
bookkeeping in Rome.
Uh-huh.
That we hadn't made $3,000,
that we've only made $300.
That we were short $2,700.
And today I find a suitcase full of
money in your closet.
Are you trying to tell me
you think I've been juggling the
books?
Fred, I am trying to find out a
logical explanation.
Now, after all, you...
you have almost a million francs in
this suitcase,
and you say you don't know where it
comes from, huh!
Well, in the first place,
it isn't my suitcase, it's Ethel's.
Please, now, don't be a cad and pin
it on your wife!
Now, where did this money come from?
I tell you, I don't know!
Now, Fred,
I am afraid I have caught you
red-handed.
You have not caught me red-handed,
you Cuban mush-mouth.
Fred...
I am trying to be fair.
Don't make me lose my temper.
Oh, go ahead and lose it.
I've already lost mine.
Now, put up your dukes!
Fred...
Go on, put 'em up.
I'm gonna thrash you within an inch
of your life.
Fred, I am not gonna get into a fight
with you.
Oh, yes, you are. You've sullied the
name of Mertz.
Now, come on.
Fred.
Fred!
Fred!
Es una cosa horrible que paso!
No lo puedo creer!
No lo puedo creer!
I didn't do anything!
I didn't do anything!
It's not you.
This time it's Fred.
Oh.
Fred Mertz.
You know what he's been doing?
What? He's been juggling the
books.
Fred Mertz is an embezzler.
Not our Fred Mertz.
Yes, our Fred Mertz.
Oh, honey, that...
that can't be true.
You must be mistaken.
No, no, no, I'm not mistaken.
Accidentally I found a suitcase full
of money in his closet.
And he says he has no idea
where that money came from. Huh!
Oh, uh...
Uh, Ricky, that isn't Fred's money in
Ethel's suitcase.
What do you mean it isn't Fred's...
How did you know it was Ethel's
suitcase?
Oh... uh, how did I know it was
Ethel's suitcase?
Yeah?
Was Ethel there?
No.
Well, then, uh...
she told me it was her money.
Where did Ethel get all that money?
Her aunt died and left it to her.
Her aunt left her French money?
Oh.
It was her French aunt.
That's good.
I mean, that's right.
Her French aunt, her aunt Yvette.
Yeah, Yvette.
Are you telling me the truth?
If I'm not, may I drop dead.
Why didn't Fred say something about
it?
He didn't know.
He didn't know?
No, no, you know how tight Fred is.
Uh, Ethel didn't want that old
rooster
to know about her nest egg.
Boy, if... if what you're saying is
right,
I certainly owe Fred Mertz an
apology.
Yeah, well...
(door slamming)
There it is, Ricardo.
My resignation.
Effective immediately.
Immediately after you pay our
transportation
back to the States,
plus two weeks severance pay.
Now, Fred...
Fred.
I-I'm afraid I owe you an apology.
I just found out
that that money belongs to Ethel.
Ethel who?
Ethel Mertz.
My Ethel Mertz?
Yes.
Her aunt died and left her the money.
What aunt?
A... A French aunt that you don't
know about.
That's right, Fred.
Do you mean my little honeybun is
loaded?
Yeah.
Gee, Fred, I'm, I'm...
I'm sorry I thought you were a crook.
That's all right, Rick, what are
friends for?
Listen, we'll tear this up, huh?
All right.
Fred... Fred, uh,
don't tell Ethel you know.
Let her tell you in her own way, huh?
Yeah, that-that'd be better, Fred.
Sure, sure. Don't say that we
told you.
I know what you mean.
Oh, there you are!
It was so hot out,
I had to come right back.
I've never seen, uh, uh...
What are you looking so funny about?
Hello, there, you little dickens,
you!
What's the matter with you?
Sweetheart, it just dawned on me
what a fascinating creature you are.
The heat's got him.
No, no, no, don't be silly.
It's you, you doll.
Why, when you walked into this room,
if we weren't already married, I'd
have asked you for a date.
Come on, honey, let's try and go
someplace
where we can be alone.
Come on, darling,
come on.
Let's try and be alone for a minute.
Come on, I'll sit here.
You sit in my lap.
Come on, sweetie pie.
Now, now, put your arm around me.
There.
Fred, are you sure you're all right?
I never felt better in my life,
lover.
Oh, then you meant all those things
you said in there?
'Course I did.
Oh, you are cute.
(phone rings)
(laughs giddily)
Hello.
Hello. Ethel, it's me.
Uh, call back later, dear.
Now, where were we?
(phone rings)
Oh...
Hello?
Ethel, listen to me now.
Ricky's going downstairs.
It's my only chance to talk to you.
Ricky found all that money in your
suitcase
and thought Fred had been juggling
the books,
so I told him it was your money.
What'd you do that for?
Well, I didn't want him to think Fred
was an embezzler
and I didn't want him to find out I'd
been gambling
and you were the only one left.
I ran out of people.
Well, you've run out of friends, too.
That's the dirtiest trick you've ever
played on me!
I never want to see you again!
(phone clicks)
Oh, but now...
Who was that, snookums?
Aah, you let me up.
No, now, tootsie...
I just found out why you're
tootsieing me.
It's on account of that money in my
suitcase.
Money? That money had nothing
to do with my deep devotion for you.
Well, it's a good thing it didn't
because it isn't mine, it's Lucy's.
Lucy's?!
She won it last night gambling at the
casino.
What are you trying to pull?
I'm not trying to pull anything.
It was Lucy's half-baked idea.
Ethel, I'm sorry. I'm sorry!
You're sorry?
How do you think I feel?
Lucy, you and I are through.
Oh, now, Ethel, listen...
And don't you say anything, you
golddigger.
Don't you call me a gold digger, you
pauper!
Oh, now, Ricky was right.
Ill-gotten gold is nobody's gain.
Look at us, at each other's throats
just because of that dirty money.
This dirty old money!
Lucy, what are you gonna do?
Lucy! Where are you gonna go?
I'm going back to the casino
and get rid of this ill-gotten gold!
(groaning)
Now, what's the matter with you?
Wiped out twice in one lifetime.
What do you mean?
The crash of '29 and now this.
Fred!
Hi.
What's the matter?
What's going on?
What's the matter with Fred?
He just found out I'm not Bobo
Rockefeller.
What are you talking about?
The money in that suitcase isn't
mine, it's Lucy's.
Oh.
Lucy's!
Yeah, she won it gambling last night
at the casino.
I told her not to gamble!
Oh, now, put your eyes back in their
sockets.
She only gambled by accident.
By accident?
Oh, come now, there was almost a
million francs in that suitcase.
You can think of a better story than
that.
Oh, now, Ricky, it's the truth.
It's the truth. She found a chip on
the floor
and she threw it on the table to give
it back and it won.
She kept pushing the chips,
just kept pushing them away from her
and she pushed her way into a
fortune.
Oh.
Now, Rick, she kept her promise,
honest she did.
We just happened to eat in a
restaurant
that was in the casino.
You told her she could eat anyplace
she wanted to.
Ricky, please don't be angry.
(chuckling)
I'm not angry.
You're not?
I think it's wonderful.
You do?
Gee, Lucy thought you'd be furious.
Of course not, it wasn't her fault.
No, it wasn't.
Not her fault.
No.
Where is she?
She's gone to the casino to give back
the money!
Oh, no!
Yeah.
(yells)
There, and I never want to see it
again.
One moment, madame.
You don't know, you don't know
what has happened to me with that
money.
I-I put one chip on this table
yesterday and-and it...
and it... money like that that I
don't...
Here are your chips, madame.
I do not want the chips, I wash my
hands.
Vingt-cinq. 25.
Wait, madame, you have won again.
That is impossible
because I did not put my chips on any
number.
I know, madame, but you had them on
red.
And 25 is red.
Oh, no.
Lucy!
Ricky, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't
mean it.
I didn't mean it...
Look, look, honey,
Ethel explained everything to me,
and I think it's wonderful.
You mean I can keep it?
Sure. Where's the money?
22.
Right there.
Oh, no!
(wailing)
(closing orchestral flourish playing)
("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)
ANNOUNCER: Also seen in tonight's
cast were Gordon Clark, John Mylong,
Louis Nicoletti and Jacques Villon.
"I Love Lucy" is a Desilu Production.
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz
will be back next week at this same
time.