I Love Lucy (1951–1957): Season 5, Episode 17 - Lucy Goes to Scotland - full transcript
Lucy wants to investigate her family history in Scotland.
("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)
ANNOUNCER: And now, "I Love Lucy."
(applause)
Oh, honey, what a show!
That scene where the girl sacrificed
herself
to save the whole village-- well, it
was just wonderful.
Isn't that great?
Yeah, and weren't those Scotch
costumes colorful?
The men in the kilts and the bagpipes
and the sword dance!
Oh, gee, I enjoyed it.
Yeah, I did, too.
Ricky, I've got an idea!
No!
You don't even know what it is.
Oh, yes, I do.
You want to go to Scotland
and look up your mother's relatives.
You think you're so smart.
That wasn't it at all.
That was the farthest thing from my
mind.
All right, what was your idea?
Well, why can't we go to Scotland?
I promised Mother that, that I'd look
up
some of the McGillicuddy clan.
Maybe bring back a bolt of the family
plaid, you know.
Just forget it.
Oh, why, honey?
No.
(knock at door)
Scotland isn't very far.
Come in!
It wouldn't take very long to go to
Scotland.
Hi, honey!
Oh, hi, hi!
We waited up to see how you like the
show.
Oh, I just loved it!
What is that?
Well, it's a dragon.
I bought it
to take home for little Ricky.
I thought it was something different.
Well, it's different all right.
Well, I have never seen anything like
this before.
Really? Well, when I was a kid,
they had toy dragons.
ETHEL: Do you think it'll scare
little Ricky?
Oh, no, he'll love it.
Ethel, how would you like to go to
Scotland?
Scotland!
Yeah.
Yeah, she wants to go to Scotland
to look for some of her mother's
relatives.
Look, honey, Scotland is a big place.
You can't just get off the train and
walk up to someone
and say, "Take me to the nearest
McGillicuddy."
I know just where to look.
My great-great-great-grandfather was
Angus McGillicuddy.
He lived in the wee town of Kildoonan
in Northern Scotland.
It's between Golspie and Ullapool.
Oh, you must have made that up.
I did not. Now, look, all I want to
do
is send a wire up there
and see if any of our relatives are
still around.
All right.
I'd like to hear you
explain to the operator about
Gillhooly
between Galespie and Babalu and the
Cranafranz.
Aa-ah!
Hello, uh, I'd like to send a
telegram, please.
Good night, honey.
Good night, baby.
(makes kissing sounds)
(chuckling)
Angus McGillicuddy.
(laughing harder)
What's so funny about Angus
McGillicuddy?
Oh, nothing, nothing.
It's a very ordinary, everyday name.
I know a hundred of them.
You should talk.
I'll bet your great-great-great-
grandfather's name
was probably Enchilada Ricardo.
All right, good night.
'Night.
Oh, you take the high road
And I'll take the low road...
(mimics bagpipes playing song)
Lucy, turn off those bagpipes!
(song fading out)
Now go to sleep.
Aye, laddie!
Good night.
Hoot mon!
(townspeople murmuring)
Calm yourselves, my friends, calm
yourselves!
Mayor Ferguson, is there noo way
to save our happy home?
Noo, there's noo way.
As you're all aware,
the ferocious dragon comes to
Kildoonan every 30 years
to eat a McGillicuddy, and for the
first time in our history,
there's not a single member of old
Angus McGillicuddy's clan
left to throw to the monster.
(music begins)
Then we must flee.
Aye! It's either flee or dee.
Tis nae a braw bricht nicht tonicht!
TOWNSPEOPLE: 'Tis nae, 'tis nae
There's a terrible two-headed dragon
Who can swallow with either head
If he dinna' fill his toupe wi'
McGillicuddy soup
He'll ruin Kildoonan instead
TOWNSPEOPLE: Ruin Kildoonan instead!
Ruin Kildoonan instead!
Ah, to find a McGillicuddy would take
a bonnie wizard!
There's nary a man o' bonnie clan
They're all in the dragon's gizzard
TOWNSPEOPLE: All in the dragon's
gizzard
All in the dragon's gizzard.
(all wailing)
ALL: Nae a braw bricht nicht!
(applause)
Pardon me, but are you the mayor?
Aye. Who are you?
Oh, well, I'm Lucy,
the great-great- great-granddaughter
of Angus McGillicuddy.
McGilli...
Do you hear that, lads?
She's a McGillicuddy!
(all cheering)
Well, golly, what a welcome!
I didn't know you'd be this glad to
see me!
Lucy McGillicuddy, you look good
enough to eat!
(laughter)
Well!
How can we be sure the lass is a real
McGillicuddy?
Oh, I am, I am.
Cross my heart and hope to dee.
Well, then you can prove it.
Let us see you do the Sworrrd Dance!
The Sworrrd Dance?
Aye. You can dance it, aye?
Aye.
TOWNSPEOPLE: Aye.
Ay-ay-ay.
Bring out the swords!
On with the Sword Dance!
Come along, Lucy.
(bagpipes and drums playing)
(song ends)
(music resumes)
(music stops abruptly)
(drumroll)
(drumroll)
(bagpipes begin playing)
(bagpipes and drums playing)
(cymbals clashing)
(moans of disappointment)
Well, I am a McGillicuddy.
Aye, that you ar-r-e!
There never was a McGillicuddy could
dance worth a hoot!
Oh!
Aye, do you know what that means,
lads?
Ha, ha, ha!
A McGillicuddy is here!
(all cheering, music begins)
When you meet a McGillicuddy
Coming through the rye
Then you've got a real buddy
Who for you would die!
TOWNSPEOPLE: There's nothing a
McGillicuddy would not do for ye
Do you want her shirt, her kilt, her
cat?
Ha, ha!
She'll give you that
That's me!
Give a cry!
Hiye!
A cry!
Hiye!
A cry and a yell and a cheer
Give a cry and a yell and a hoot and
a hiye
A McGillicuddy is her-r-e!
ALL: Give a cry and a yell and a hoot
and a hiye
A McGillicuddy is here!
(piano playing)
Oh, 'tis very nice to see a
McGillicuddy face
Even though it nae may be very long
around this place
If you're a McGillicuddy,
you're a heck of a regular fella.
Yeah, well, my mother was a Cuddy
and my father was a Megillah.
There's nothing a McGillicuddy would
not do for ye
If it's feed you need or a friendly
chat
She'll give you that
That's me!
Give a hoot A hoot
Give a hoot A hoot
Give a hoot and a yell and a cheer
Give a hoot and a yell and a cry and
a hiye
A McGillicuddy is here
ALL: Give a hoot and a yell and a cry
and a hiye
A McGillicuddy is here!
(piano playing)
You make me feel so welcome
You really have the knack
And though I've not been here before
I su-r-re am glad I'm back!
(amicable laughter)
Some cousins of my mother's
Are they around here yet?
The McGillicuddy brothers?
Aye.
Ha, ha, ha!
Hail fellas-- well et!
(laughter)
Ther-r-e's
ALL: nothing a McGillicuddy would not
do for ye
I'd give you my Davy Crockett hat
My shillings, my fillings
My cricket bat
My candied yams, my brandied quince
My TV antenna, my henna rinse!
To save us strife
TOWNSPEOPLE: She'll give us her life!
That's me!
(drum beating with footsteps)
That's me?
Give a yeoww!
Yeoww!
Burrr!
Burrr!
A yeoww and a burrr And a cheer
Give a yeoww and a burrr and a burrr
and a yeoww
A McGillicuddy is here!
LUCY: Give a yih and a hih and a who
and a wha'
A McGillicuddy was h-h-here
TOWNSPEOPLE: A McGillicuddy is here
A McGillicuddy is here
A McGillicuddy is here
A McGillicuddy is here
A McGill-i-cuddy is here!
(song ends)
All right.
Take her to the inn and fatten her
up!
She looks a wee bit bony.
Come along, me bony lassie.
What do you mean, fatten me up?
What's the matter with everybody?
You were just so glad to see me a
minute ago!
Aye, that we were, and that we are.
Well, what about a hut and hoo
and a what and a burrr and all that
stuff?
Oh, take her away!
(clamoring)
Aye, here comes Scotty MacArdo,
and he's in a terrible dither!
Mayor!
Aye, Scotty.
Mayor!
Mayor, I'm in a terrible dither.
I just saw the dr-r-agon.
No!
When did he arrive?
Last nicht.
Last nicht?
Last nicht.
I could see him because there was a
bra bricht
moonlicht nicht last nicht.
We must flee!
R-r-run! R-r-run!
Not so fast!
not so fast!
Hold your britches.
What britches?
The one you wear under your kilts.
You're supposed to wear britches?
Scotty, Scotty, we found a
McGillicuddy.
A real McGillicuddy?
Aye, aye.
And I hereby assign you to keep an
eye on her
till we can throw her to the dragon
tomorrow.
Aye.
She's in the inn, and do not let her
oot.
Aye.
ALL: A McGillicuddy is here.
A McGillicuddy is here.
A McGillicuddy is here.
A McGillicuddy is here.
RICKY (sotto voce): A McGillicuddy is
here.
A McGillicuddy is here.
Are you a McGillicuddy?
That's right.
My name is Lucy.
I'm sorry, Miss Lucy.
I kinna let you pass.
Why not?
I'm your bodyguard.
I'm Scotty MacTavish MacDougall
MacArdo.
You're Scotch?
Aye.
My great-great- great-grandfather
sailed to Scotland with the Spanish
Armada.
Perhaps you've heard of him--
Enchilada Ricardo.
Why are you lookin' at me like that,
Scotty MacTavish MacDougall MacArdo?
Lucy, you gaha maha pihee face.
"I gaha "maha pihee face"?
I believe I'm in love with ye.
With me?
Aye.
Little old heather-pickin' me?
It was love at firrrst sight.
But woe is me!
What's the matter?
You're in grave danger.
Why?
They're going to throw a McGillicuddy
to the dragon tomorrow.
They're going to throw me to a
dragon?
Aye.
Every 30 years, they throw a
McGillicuddy
to the two terrible two-headed dragon
for his dinner.
No wonder I'm the last of the
McGillicuddys!
I'm in love with the dragon's dinner
The dragon's embraceable dinner
I'll swear my love will e'er be true
I'll serve ye with all me heart
But the hungry dragon will serve ye,
too
He'll serve ye a la carte
He'll serve me a la carte?
He'll serve ye a la carte
I'm in love with the dragon's dinner
And the dragon's a drag on me!
I'm in love with the dragon's dinner
The dragon's embraceable dinner
My bonnie chick, you'll always be
You'll fill my every need
But woe is me
I hate to see my chicken fricasseed
"Your chicken fricasseed"?
My chicken fricasseed
You're the stew in the dragon's
dinner
And the dragon's a drag on me
Maybe a nip of heather mist
would put ye in the mood?
Well, that would be a novel twist
even the stew would be stewed.
But when that dragon starts to eat,
I'll really get his goat.
I'll kick and I'll scratch and I'll
drag my feet
all the way down his throat!
I'm... in love with the dragon's
dinner
The dragon's embraceable dinner
Our weddin' day we ne'er will see...
Or our kids that might have been
Kith and kin we ne'er will be...
So kith me while you kin!
So kiss me while you kin!
And kiss me once again
I'm in love, I'm in love
I'm in love, I'm in love
I'm in love, I'm in love
I'm in love, I'm in love
I'm in love with the dragon's dinner
And the dragon's a drag on me!
Why does it always have to be a
McGillicuddy the dragon eats?
Oh, that's life, lassie.
It's nature's way.
Cats eat mice,
dogs eat bones,
cows eat grass,
and dragons eat McGillicuddys.
Well, let's you and I go and have a
talk
with this terrible two-headed dragon.
Maybe it'll listen to reason.
Well, wha' ha' we got to lose?
Let's go.
(growling and grunting)
(sneezing)
(honking)
I wish you'd get over that cold.
It's driving me crazy!
Aah!
Gee, I haven't eaten in 30 years.
Boy, am I starved!
Me, too!
Mmm... Won't it be good to sink our
teeth
into a nice, fresh McGillicuddy?
Aye, yummy, yummy, yum!
How will we have it this time?
How about a McGillicuddy burger?
Nah, no.
Well, what about McGillicuddy foo
yong?
Oh, no!
Why not?
Well, we only eat once every 30
years.
You know how that Chinese food is--
you eat it and a year later, you're
hungry.
Well, I still want a McGillicuddy foo
yong.
Well, I don't!
Well, I do!
Well, I don't!
I do!
Well, I don't!
I do!
Oh, who ever said two heads are
better than one?
Aah...
(music begins)
Two heads are nae better than one,
than one
They're not even better than none,
than none
So pity a two-headed dragon
Two heads are nae better than one
Hoot mon! Hoot mon!
Whenever I come to a fork in the road
My heads have a terrible fight
My right head wants to go to the left
And my left wants to go to the right!
I want to go this way!
I want to go that!
You see, we could never agree.
Oh, I wish we had another head
to be the referee!
Hoot mon! Hoot mon!
However, there's one good reason
for an extra head to keep.
When I'm too tired to stay awake,
I sing myself to sleep.
Sleep gently, sweet dragon
Just close your wee eyes
And dream of a dinner
Of fresh people pie
The dragon is dreaming
In slumber so deep...
Now get up!
Why did you wake me up?
Because I want to sleep and you...
I don't want you sleeping.
I want to sleep.
Oh....
LADY DRAGON: Shh!
I think I hear somebody coming!
Fee, fi, foe, fuddy,
I smell the blood of a McGillicuddy!
Ha!
(growling and snarling)
(roaring)
Hi.
Hi!
Hi.
(snapping): Hi!
LADY DRAGON: Oh, one of them must be
a McGillicuddy.
Who are you?
I'm Scotty MacArdo.
Well, then she must be...
Yeah, yeah, I'm tomorrow's blue plate
special.
Why do you always have to eat a
McGillicuddy?
Eat me.
Oh, no, we couldn't do that.
Spanish food gives us heartburn.
Well, then I guess tomorrow
you're... you're really going to...
eat me.
(ravenous growling)
(wolf whistle)
What are you whistling at?
Get a load of those drumsticks!
I kinna let you go, Lucy.
I will fight the dragon with my bare
hands.
You'll fight the dragon for me?
For bonnie Annie Lucy,
I will lay me doon and dee.
(music begins)
There are moments in a maiden's life
when her days are pure as bliss.
But the moment of them all,
the moment I'll recall,
the blissest of the bliss is this.
For today you will slay me a dragon,
my darling, my hero,
I'm thrilled.
Ah.
It's like we're in a fairy tale,
except you'll probably get killed.
But for 32 bars, let's sing and act
merrily.
Life is ours...
Temporarily.
(upbeat music playing)
TOWNSPEOPLE: It's time for romance,
so darling let's dance
The dragon waltz
Your life is nill till you know the
thrill
Of the dragon waltz.
A dragon's no hoax, he gobbles up
folks
Like chocolate malts.
But come what may, let's live for
today
ALL: And the dragon waltz.
A lock of your hair
And darling, please swear
Your love's not false
Take this hanky from me...
Aw...
And this brand-new LP.
Xavier MacCougat!
(cymbals clash)
ALL: And the dragon
The dragon
The dragon waltz.
(dragon growling viciously)
The dragon is coming!
MAYOR: Throw the McGillicuddy to it!
No, no, no!
(ravenous growling)
No, no, I don't have to be eaten!
No, no, I don't have to be eaten!
Scotty said he would fight the dragon
for me!
Didn't you, Scotty?
Well...
What do you mean, "well"?
You just said for bonnie Annie Lucy,
you would lay you down and die.
I said no such thing.
I said I'd lay me doon and dee.
Well, that's what doon and dee means.
Are you kiddin'?
Go on now, Scotty. Now, come
on.
You go.
No!
I hope she's nice and tender!
No, no, no!
Nice and tender!
(harp plays arpeggio)
What's the matter?
You coward!
(closing flourish playing)
("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)
ANNOUNCER: The original lyrics were
by written Larry Orenstein,
original music by Elliot Daniel
the choreography by Jack Baker.
"I Love Lucy" is a Desilu Production.
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz
will be back next week at this same
time.
ANNOUNCER: And now, "I Love Lucy."
(applause)
Oh, honey, what a show!
That scene where the girl sacrificed
herself
to save the whole village-- well, it
was just wonderful.
Isn't that great?
Yeah, and weren't those Scotch
costumes colorful?
The men in the kilts and the bagpipes
and the sword dance!
Oh, gee, I enjoyed it.
Yeah, I did, too.
Ricky, I've got an idea!
No!
You don't even know what it is.
Oh, yes, I do.
You want to go to Scotland
and look up your mother's relatives.
You think you're so smart.
That wasn't it at all.
That was the farthest thing from my
mind.
All right, what was your idea?
Well, why can't we go to Scotland?
I promised Mother that, that I'd look
up
some of the McGillicuddy clan.
Maybe bring back a bolt of the family
plaid, you know.
Just forget it.
Oh, why, honey?
No.
(knock at door)
Scotland isn't very far.
Come in!
It wouldn't take very long to go to
Scotland.
Hi, honey!
Oh, hi, hi!
We waited up to see how you like the
show.
Oh, I just loved it!
What is that?
Well, it's a dragon.
I bought it
to take home for little Ricky.
I thought it was something different.
Well, it's different all right.
Well, I have never seen anything like
this before.
Really? Well, when I was a kid,
they had toy dragons.
ETHEL: Do you think it'll scare
little Ricky?
Oh, no, he'll love it.
Ethel, how would you like to go to
Scotland?
Scotland!
Yeah.
Yeah, she wants to go to Scotland
to look for some of her mother's
relatives.
Look, honey, Scotland is a big place.
You can't just get off the train and
walk up to someone
and say, "Take me to the nearest
McGillicuddy."
I know just where to look.
My great-great-great-grandfather was
Angus McGillicuddy.
He lived in the wee town of Kildoonan
in Northern Scotland.
It's between Golspie and Ullapool.
Oh, you must have made that up.
I did not. Now, look, all I want to
do
is send a wire up there
and see if any of our relatives are
still around.
All right.
I'd like to hear you
explain to the operator about
Gillhooly
between Galespie and Babalu and the
Cranafranz.
Aa-ah!
Hello, uh, I'd like to send a
telegram, please.
Good night, honey.
Good night, baby.
(makes kissing sounds)
(chuckling)
Angus McGillicuddy.
(laughing harder)
What's so funny about Angus
McGillicuddy?
Oh, nothing, nothing.
It's a very ordinary, everyday name.
I know a hundred of them.
You should talk.
I'll bet your great-great-great-
grandfather's name
was probably Enchilada Ricardo.
All right, good night.
'Night.
Oh, you take the high road
And I'll take the low road...
(mimics bagpipes playing song)
Lucy, turn off those bagpipes!
(song fading out)
Now go to sleep.
Aye, laddie!
Good night.
Hoot mon!
(townspeople murmuring)
Calm yourselves, my friends, calm
yourselves!
Mayor Ferguson, is there noo way
to save our happy home?
Noo, there's noo way.
As you're all aware,
the ferocious dragon comes to
Kildoonan every 30 years
to eat a McGillicuddy, and for the
first time in our history,
there's not a single member of old
Angus McGillicuddy's clan
left to throw to the monster.
(music begins)
Then we must flee.
Aye! It's either flee or dee.
Tis nae a braw bricht nicht tonicht!
TOWNSPEOPLE: 'Tis nae, 'tis nae
There's a terrible two-headed dragon
Who can swallow with either head
If he dinna' fill his toupe wi'
McGillicuddy soup
He'll ruin Kildoonan instead
TOWNSPEOPLE: Ruin Kildoonan instead!
Ruin Kildoonan instead!
Ah, to find a McGillicuddy would take
a bonnie wizard!
There's nary a man o' bonnie clan
They're all in the dragon's gizzard
TOWNSPEOPLE: All in the dragon's
gizzard
All in the dragon's gizzard.
(all wailing)
ALL: Nae a braw bricht nicht!
(applause)
Pardon me, but are you the mayor?
Aye. Who are you?
Oh, well, I'm Lucy,
the great-great- great-granddaughter
of Angus McGillicuddy.
McGilli...
Do you hear that, lads?
She's a McGillicuddy!
(all cheering)
Well, golly, what a welcome!
I didn't know you'd be this glad to
see me!
Lucy McGillicuddy, you look good
enough to eat!
(laughter)
Well!
How can we be sure the lass is a real
McGillicuddy?
Oh, I am, I am.
Cross my heart and hope to dee.
Well, then you can prove it.
Let us see you do the Sworrrd Dance!
The Sworrrd Dance?
Aye. You can dance it, aye?
Aye.
TOWNSPEOPLE: Aye.
Ay-ay-ay.
Bring out the swords!
On with the Sword Dance!
Come along, Lucy.
(bagpipes and drums playing)
(song ends)
(music resumes)
(music stops abruptly)
(drumroll)
(drumroll)
(bagpipes begin playing)
(bagpipes and drums playing)
(cymbals clashing)
(moans of disappointment)
Well, I am a McGillicuddy.
Aye, that you ar-r-e!
There never was a McGillicuddy could
dance worth a hoot!
Oh!
Aye, do you know what that means,
lads?
Ha, ha, ha!
A McGillicuddy is here!
(all cheering, music begins)
When you meet a McGillicuddy
Coming through the rye
Then you've got a real buddy
Who for you would die!
TOWNSPEOPLE: There's nothing a
McGillicuddy would not do for ye
Do you want her shirt, her kilt, her
cat?
Ha, ha!
She'll give you that
That's me!
Give a cry!
Hiye!
A cry!
Hiye!
A cry and a yell and a cheer
Give a cry and a yell and a hoot and
a hiye
A McGillicuddy is her-r-e!
ALL: Give a cry and a yell and a hoot
and a hiye
A McGillicuddy is here!
(piano playing)
Oh, 'tis very nice to see a
McGillicuddy face
Even though it nae may be very long
around this place
If you're a McGillicuddy,
you're a heck of a regular fella.
Yeah, well, my mother was a Cuddy
and my father was a Megillah.
There's nothing a McGillicuddy would
not do for ye
If it's feed you need or a friendly
chat
She'll give you that
That's me!
Give a hoot A hoot
Give a hoot A hoot
Give a hoot and a yell and a cheer
Give a hoot and a yell and a cry and
a hiye
A McGillicuddy is here
ALL: Give a hoot and a yell and a cry
and a hiye
A McGillicuddy is here!
(piano playing)
You make me feel so welcome
You really have the knack
And though I've not been here before
I su-r-re am glad I'm back!
(amicable laughter)
Some cousins of my mother's
Are they around here yet?
The McGillicuddy brothers?
Aye.
Ha, ha, ha!
Hail fellas-- well et!
(laughter)
Ther-r-e's
ALL: nothing a McGillicuddy would not
do for ye
I'd give you my Davy Crockett hat
My shillings, my fillings
My cricket bat
My candied yams, my brandied quince
My TV antenna, my henna rinse!
To save us strife
TOWNSPEOPLE: She'll give us her life!
That's me!
(drum beating with footsteps)
That's me?
Give a yeoww!
Yeoww!
Burrr!
Burrr!
A yeoww and a burrr And a cheer
Give a yeoww and a burrr and a burrr
and a yeoww
A McGillicuddy is here!
LUCY: Give a yih and a hih and a who
and a wha'
A McGillicuddy was h-h-here
TOWNSPEOPLE: A McGillicuddy is here
A McGillicuddy is here
A McGillicuddy is here
A McGillicuddy is here
A McGill-i-cuddy is here!
(song ends)
All right.
Take her to the inn and fatten her
up!
She looks a wee bit bony.
Come along, me bony lassie.
What do you mean, fatten me up?
What's the matter with everybody?
You were just so glad to see me a
minute ago!
Aye, that we were, and that we are.
Well, what about a hut and hoo
and a what and a burrr and all that
stuff?
Oh, take her away!
(clamoring)
Aye, here comes Scotty MacArdo,
and he's in a terrible dither!
Mayor!
Aye, Scotty.
Mayor!
Mayor, I'm in a terrible dither.
I just saw the dr-r-agon.
No!
When did he arrive?
Last nicht.
Last nicht?
Last nicht.
I could see him because there was a
bra bricht
moonlicht nicht last nicht.
We must flee!
R-r-run! R-r-run!
Not so fast!
not so fast!
Hold your britches.
What britches?
The one you wear under your kilts.
You're supposed to wear britches?
Scotty, Scotty, we found a
McGillicuddy.
A real McGillicuddy?
Aye, aye.
And I hereby assign you to keep an
eye on her
till we can throw her to the dragon
tomorrow.
Aye.
She's in the inn, and do not let her
oot.
Aye.
ALL: A McGillicuddy is here.
A McGillicuddy is here.
A McGillicuddy is here.
A McGillicuddy is here.
RICKY (sotto voce): A McGillicuddy is
here.
A McGillicuddy is here.
Are you a McGillicuddy?
That's right.
My name is Lucy.
I'm sorry, Miss Lucy.
I kinna let you pass.
Why not?
I'm your bodyguard.
I'm Scotty MacTavish MacDougall
MacArdo.
You're Scotch?
Aye.
My great-great- great-grandfather
sailed to Scotland with the Spanish
Armada.
Perhaps you've heard of him--
Enchilada Ricardo.
Why are you lookin' at me like that,
Scotty MacTavish MacDougall MacArdo?
Lucy, you gaha maha pihee face.
"I gaha "maha pihee face"?
I believe I'm in love with ye.
With me?
Aye.
Little old heather-pickin' me?
It was love at firrrst sight.
But woe is me!
What's the matter?
You're in grave danger.
Why?
They're going to throw a McGillicuddy
to the dragon tomorrow.
They're going to throw me to a
dragon?
Aye.
Every 30 years, they throw a
McGillicuddy
to the two terrible two-headed dragon
for his dinner.
No wonder I'm the last of the
McGillicuddys!
I'm in love with the dragon's dinner
The dragon's embraceable dinner
I'll swear my love will e'er be true
I'll serve ye with all me heart
But the hungry dragon will serve ye,
too
He'll serve ye a la carte
He'll serve me a la carte?
He'll serve ye a la carte
I'm in love with the dragon's dinner
And the dragon's a drag on me!
I'm in love with the dragon's dinner
The dragon's embraceable dinner
My bonnie chick, you'll always be
You'll fill my every need
But woe is me
I hate to see my chicken fricasseed
"Your chicken fricasseed"?
My chicken fricasseed
You're the stew in the dragon's
dinner
And the dragon's a drag on me
Maybe a nip of heather mist
would put ye in the mood?
Well, that would be a novel twist
even the stew would be stewed.
But when that dragon starts to eat,
I'll really get his goat.
I'll kick and I'll scratch and I'll
drag my feet
all the way down his throat!
I'm... in love with the dragon's
dinner
The dragon's embraceable dinner
Our weddin' day we ne'er will see...
Or our kids that might have been
Kith and kin we ne'er will be...
So kith me while you kin!
So kiss me while you kin!
And kiss me once again
I'm in love, I'm in love
I'm in love, I'm in love
I'm in love, I'm in love
I'm in love, I'm in love
I'm in love with the dragon's dinner
And the dragon's a drag on me!
Why does it always have to be a
McGillicuddy the dragon eats?
Oh, that's life, lassie.
It's nature's way.
Cats eat mice,
dogs eat bones,
cows eat grass,
and dragons eat McGillicuddys.
Well, let's you and I go and have a
talk
with this terrible two-headed dragon.
Maybe it'll listen to reason.
Well, wha' ha' we got to lose?
Let's go.
(growling and grunting)
(sneezing)
(honking)
I wish you'd get over that cold.
It's driving me crazy!
Aah!
Gee, I haven't eaten in 30 years.
Boy, am I starved!
Me, too!
Mmm... Won't it be good to sink our
teeth
into a nice, fresh McGillicuddy?
Aye, yummy, yummy, yum!
How will we have it this time?
How about a McGillicuddy burger?
Nah, no.
Well, what about McGillicuddy foo
yong?
Oh, no!
Why not?
Well, we only eat once every 30
years.
You know how that Chinese food is--
you eat it and a year later, you're
hungry.
Well, I still want a McGillicuddy foo
yong.
Well, I don't!
Well, I do!
Well, I don't!
I do!
Well, I don't!
I do!
Oh, who ever said two heads are
better than one?
Aah...
(music begins)
Two heads are nae better than one,
than one
They're not even better than none,
than none
So pity a two-headed dragon
Two heads are nae better than one
Hoot mon! Hoot mon!
Whenever I come to a fork in the road
My heads have a terrible fight
My right head wants to go to the left
And my left wants to go to the right!
I want to go this way!
I want to go that!
You see, we could never agree.
Oh, I wish we had another head
to be the referee!
Hoot mon! Hoot mon!
However, there's one good reason
for an extra head to keep.
When I'm too tired to stay awake,
I sing myself to sleep.
Sleep gently, sweet dragon
Just close your wee eyes
And dream of a dinner
Of fresh people pie
The dragon is dreaming
In slumber so deep...
Now get up!
Why did you wake me up?
Because I want to sleep and you...
I don't want you sleeping.
I want to sleep.
Oh....
LADY DRAGON: Shh!
I think I hear somebody coming!
Fee, fi, foe, fuddy,
I smell the blood of a McGillicuddy!
Ha!
(growling and snarling)
(roaring)
Hi.
Hi!
Hi.
(snapping): Hi!
LADY DRAGON: Oh, one of them must be
a McGillicuddy.
Who are you?
I'm Scotty MacArdo.
Well, then she must be...
Yeah, yeah, I'm tomorrow's blue plate
special.
Why do you always have to eat a
McGillicuddy?
Eat me.
Oh, no, we couldn't do that.
Spanish food gives us heartburn.
Well, then I guess tomorrow
you're... you're really going to...
eat me.
(ravenous growling)
(wolf whistle)
What are you whistling at?
Get a load of those drumsticks!
I kinna let you go, Lucy.
I will fight the dragon with my bare
hands.
You'll fight the dragon for me?
For bonnie Annie Lucy,
I will lay me doon and dee.
(music begins)
There are moments in a maiden's life
when her days are pure as bliss.
But the moment of them all,
the moment I'll recall,
the blissest of the bliss is this.
For today you will slay me a dragon,
my darling, my hero,
I'm thrilled.
Ah.
It's like we're in a fairy tale,
except you'll probably get killed.
But for 32 bars, let's sing and act
merrily.
Life is ours...
Temporarily.
(upbeat music playing)
TOWNSPEOPLE: It's time for romance,
so darling let's dance
The dragon waltz
Your life is nill till you know the
thrill
Of the dragon waltz.
A dragon's no hoax, he gobbles up
folks
Like chocolate malts.
But come what may, let's live for
today
ALL: And the dragon waltz.
A lock of your hair
And darling, please swear
Your love's not false
Take this hanky from me...
Aw...
And this brand-new LP.
Xavier MacCougat!
(cymbals clash)
ALL: And the dragon
The dragon
The dragon waltz.
(dragon growling viciously)
The dragon is coming!
MAYOR: Throw the McGillicuddy to it!
No, no, no!
(ravenous growling)
No, no, I don't have to be eaten!
No, no, I don't have to be eaten!
Scotty said he would fight the dragon
for me!
Didn't you, Scotty?
Well...
What do you mean, "well"?
You just said for bonnie Annie Lucy,
you would lay you down and die.
I said no such thing.
I said I'd lay me doon and dee.
Well, that's what doon and dee means.
Are you kiddin'?
Go on now, Scotty. Now, come
on.
You go.
No!
I hope she's nice and tender!
No, no, no!
Nice and tender!
(harp plays arpeggio)
What's the matter?
You coward!
(closing flourish playing)
("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)
ANNOUNCER: The original lyrics were
by written Larry Orenstein,
original music by Elliot Daniel
the choreography by Jack Baker.
"I Love Lucy" is a Desilu Production.
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz
will be back next week at this same
time.