I Love Lucy (1951–1957): Season 5, Episode 15 - Lucy Meets the Queen - full transcript
While in London, Lucy is determined to meet the Queen of England.
("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)
ANNOUNCER: And now, "I Love Lucy."
(applause)
Oh, Ricky, can you believe it?
We're in London!
How about it, eh?
It just doesn't seem real,
actually seeing all those places:
Picadilly, London Bridge, Westminster
Abbey.
Isn't it exciting?
Oh, and look at this lovely room.
Isn't it nice?
Oh, honey, we have a balcony!
Oh, yeah.
Will that Yes.
be all, sir? Thank you.
Pardon me, but could you tell me
where Buckingham Palace is from here?
Yes, ma'am.
It's right over that way.
Oh, Ricky, we can see it from here!
Yeah!
Isn't it beautiful?
Wonderful.
Oh, gee, I-I'm just dying to see the
queen.
Oh, have you ever seen the queen?
No, ma'am.
But I came frightful close during the
coronation.
I just missed her.
Aw, what a shame.
But I did catch a glimpse of him.
Philip?
No, ma'am. Danny Kaye.
I'll bring up the rest of your
luggage.
All right.
Isn't this wonderful?
Isn't it exciting?
Don't you just love it?
I say, old bean, ain't this the nuts?
(Ricky laughs)
What a city this is!
How's your room?
It's great, just like this.
Same view and everything.
Uh, one thing stumped him though.
I didn't know whether to give him
tuppence
or thruppence.
Fred, thruppence is only about three
cents.
Well, he solved it rather neatly.
What'd he give?
Nuppence.
Well, it's not my fault.
I just can't figure the money over
here.
What was your excuse in the USA?
Fred is now the darling of the
bellhops
on two different continents.
(chuckling)
Well, whether I tip him or not,
remember that there'll always be an
England.
Yeah, but it won't always have us in
it.
Come on, we got a million sights to
see.
Let's go to Buckingham Palace first
and see the queen.
Honey, it's only 10:00.
Queens don't get up this early.
How would you know?
Oh, well, let's just go by the palace
and look.
You know, see if the shades are down.
Yeah, and if the milk is in the front
porch,
don't ring the bell.
Oh, I won't, honey.
Fred, while their majesties are out
here hobnobbing
with the royalty, let's you and I go
to the theater, huh?
Right-o.
Oh, honey, aren't you gonna go with
us?
No, I gotta go to the Palladium.
I'll go get my coat.
Okay.
I'll go get my coat, too.
Hey, maybe we can do some shopping.
Okay, I want to get some souvenirs.
Souvenirs! Okay.
Honey, if I'm gonna go shopping,
I need some money.
All right, but no funny stuff now.
What do you mean?
Well, back in Hollywood,
you came home with John Wayne's
footprints.
I don't want to find Big Ben
ticking right next to my bed.
Here.
Thanks...
What's this?
That's 10, English money.
English money!
Yeah.
How much is this in our money?
Well a pound is $2.80 So that's $28.
28? Well, thank you.
Hey, what if I want to buy something
less than $28?
You get change, just like you do in
America.
Well, I won't know what kind of
change I should be getting.
Well, here it is, right in this
little book.
Now, you know how much a pound is.
Sure, 16 ounces.
A pound is $2.80.
Oh.
There are 20 shillings in a pound.
Each shilling is worth 14 cents.
There are seven shillings in a dollar
and 12 pennies in one shilling, see.
No wonder the Pilgrims left here to
go to America.
Just buy whatever you want
and trust the people to give you the
right change.
All right, honey, I will.
ETHEL: Okay.
I'm ready, honey.
I'm all ready to go shopping.
You all set, Rick?
Yeah.
I'll see you later.
So long, Ricky.
All right.
Bye, Fred.
Don't spend all that dough, I gave
you, Ethel.
How much you give her?
$10.
$10?
Well, ten of whatever they call
dollars over here.
Fred, if you gave her 10, you gave
her $28.
$28! Holy cow.
Ethel! Ethel! Ethel...
(chuckling)
Come on.
I told you it was too early for the
queen.
Well, she gotta come out sometime.
I thought we were gonna go shopping.
Later, later.
No, let's go now.
We can come back here.
No. We might miss her.
Wouldn't you feel terrible
if you went home without seeing the
queen?
I'd feel much worse if I went home
without spending the money Fred gave
me.
Oh. Look at the book
and see if it says what time she
comes out.
Oh, okay.
Nope, just tells about the palace,
how old it is and how many rooms it
has.
Oh, how many rooms has it got?
Over 500!
No wonder she hasn't come out.
She's probably lost.
Oh, look, look!
I see a man.
Where?
Right there.
Do you think that might be Philip?
Oh, I doubt it.
I hardly think
Philip would be out wrestling ash
cans.
Oh...
Come on, honey, let's go shopping,
huh?
Come on.
Wait a minute.
Pardon me, sir, could you tell me
when the queen might be coming out?
(speaking garbled British English)
Quite clear?
Glad to be of service.
Good morning.
What'd he say?
Couldn't you understand him?
He said: (speaking gibberish).
What's that?
I don't know.
And after living with Ricky for 15
years,
I thought I could understand anybody.
Let's go, honey, huh?
Wait a minute.
Maybe this man will know.
Pardon me, but could you tell me
what time the queen might be coming
out?
I say, could you tell me
what time the queen might be coming
out, sir?
Lucy...
What?
He's not allowed to pay any attention
to anyone.
How do you know?
Says it right here in the book.
He's a palace guard.
He's not allowed to pay any attention
to anyone.
He's not even allowed to smile.
Why not?
It's tradition
and no one can make him break the
rule.
I bet I can.
Lucy?
I bet I can make him smile.
Now, Lucy...
Hello.
He's a big one, isn't he?
Will you pardon me
while I pretend not to know who you
are?
So you won't smile, huh?
Come on.
(laughing boisterously)
(laughing louder and harder)
Well...
(humming taunting tune)
Wow, you make Ed Sullivan look like
laughing boy.
Did you ever hear the one about the
dog psychiatrist
that wrote a book?
It's called Is Your Cocker Off His
Rocker?
Is Your Collie Off His Trolley?
Is Your Poodle Off His Noodle?
I don't know, that kills them in
America.
Oh, Lucy, what a thrill!
What?
Well, didn't you see her?
Who?
The queen.
She just drove out.
No! No!
I missed her!
Oh, it's all your fault, you sphinx
you.
I say, excuse me,
I found the answer to your question.
(unintelligible)
Oh, just a minute now.
What'd you say?
I said, (unintelligible).
You'll have to pardon us.
We're Americans.
We don't understand English.
Could you perhaps
talk just a bit slower?
Oh, yes, sorry.
I understand Her Majesty's appearing
at 1:00
at the Wimbleshire Hotel Charity
Luncheon.
Thank you! The Wimbleshire Hotel--
that's our hotel.
Okay, yeah.
We gotta go right now.
Right now.
Good-bye, Smiley.
Come on, honey, it's almost 1:00.
You want to miss the queen again?
All right, I'm coming.
You wouldn't want me to have a shiny
nose
when I see the queen, would you?
(crowd cheering)
What's that?
(crowd cheering)
It's a big mob to get somebody's
autograph.
Is it the queen?
Oh, they all went inside.
Come on, come on, honey, let's go
down.
Oh, I hope we don't miss her again.
Oh, we won't.
Oh, for heaven's sake.
(crowd clamoring)
Can you see her?
No, I can't see a thing.
Gee, I didn't know queens gave out
autographs.
Neither did I. Can I borrow a sheet
of your autograph?
Thank you very much.
Would you pass this in there?
I'd like to have an autograph too,
please.
Do you see anything?
Nope, not a thing.
Jump way up.
See her now?
No.
Gee, that isn't fair.
They live here.
They've seen her before.
Here it comes.
Oh, thank you very much.
What's the matter?
"Best wishes to one of my British
fans.
Signed, Ricky Ricardo."
Really!
Well, that's just about the sneakiest
thing
you ever did in your whole life.
What did I do?
All I did was come home.
Yes, you came home at 1:00--
the same time the queen was supposed
to arrive.
That's the second time today I missed
her.
Can I help it if the English people
are nice enough to think of me as a
celebrity?
Oh... Besides...
I wish you'd never made a movie.
Really.
I want to tell you something.
Shh...
Uh, could you tell me, please,
what time the queen is arriving for
the charity luncheon today?
What?!
Oh, thank you.
The luncheon was yesterday.
(chuckling)
Well, it's not funny and it's all
your fault.
My fault?
Yes. If we'd left New York a day
earlier,
we'd have been here yesterday, and
I'd have seen the queen.
Look, would you just calm down for
one minute?
I got something to tell you.
Well, all right, one minute, but
hurry up!
I gotta get out and look for the
queen.
That's just what I want to talk to
you about.
Now, tomorrow night we open our show
at the Palladium, right?
Yeah.
All right. The royal family's gonna
be there.
Not only will you get to see the
queen,
you're gonna be presented to her.
I... I... I'm gonna be presented to
the queen?
Yes.
Oh, Ricky!
What'll I wear?
What'll I do?
What'll I say?
How will I act?
Honey, I'm really gonna be presented
to the queen?
Yes.
Lucy, did you hear?
We're gonna meet the queen.
Yes. I'm so excited, I can't stand
it.
Imagine me, meeting a queen
face-to-face.
I'm scared.
You're scared-- think of the queen.
There's nothing to be scared about.
Gee, I don't know how to address a
queen.
What do I say-- "Hello, Highness"?
"Good evening, Elizabeth"?
Oh, uh, maybe just call her "Mrs.
Mountbatten."
LUCY.
Oh.
Oh, you make so much of this.
You just walk up, slip her the grip
and say, "Hiya, Queen."
Fred, honestly.
Well, why not? I've seen her in the
newsreel,
and she looks like a real good egg.
Oh, Fred!
No, no. I think you call her "Your
Majesty."
"Your Majesty"?
RICKY: That's right.
Uh, uh, Your Maj...
Good evening, Your Majesty.
How do you do?
I don't think you shake hands.
No?
When women are presented to the
queen,
they curtsey.
They curtsey!
Of course they...
Oh, dear.
What's the matter?
Well, I can't get into my good dress
with my girdle off
and I can't curtsey with it on.
Well, you know,
I haven't curtsied since I was a kid.
Well, I can remember how.
You put your foot like that
and then you bring it around
and you make a nice bow...
Lower, Ethel, lower.
That's as low as I can get.
The queen's gonna have to meet me
halfway.
How's this, Ricky?
RICKY: That's not too bad.
Oh, say, you know, this isn't easy.
It's been years
since I used my curtsey muscles.
Hey, we'd better practice.
Yeah, let's practice.
You know, we'll probably have on a
big dress, too,
you know, a big wide skirt.
ETHEL: We ought to really practice a
sweeping one.
It'll make it more graceful, you
know.
Let's see now. My dress would come
out to about there.
Ooh!
Down, girl, down.
Just a minute now, I'll make it.
Rome wasn't built in a day.
Rome wasn't built like you either.
You mind your own business!
Yeah, you and Ricky practice your
bowing.
ETHEL: Yeah, practice bowing.
All right.
LUCY: Now, let's see.
There, that feels good.
I say, you Americans do have strange
customs, don't you?
We were just practicing bowing.
Yes, we're gonna be presented to the
queen.
Are you now?
Ain't that nice?
Uh, good evening, Your Majesty.
Oh, blimey, that'll never do.
Huh, what's the matter with it?
Well, ma'am, according to British
etiquette,
when you're presented to the queen,
your curtsey is all the way down,
resting the weight on the heel,
extending the end
and bowing the head like this.
All the way down.
Oh, that's pretty, yeah.
All the way down.
All the...
This leg is over here.
All the way down.
On the heel.
Then extend the hand and bowing the
head.
Boy, I'd like to have the lineament
concession
for this group.
It's simple once you get the hang of
it.
Well, thanks very much for showing
us.
Oh, ma'am, one thing you got to watch
out for.
What?
The hind leg.
The hind leg?
The one you puts behind you.
Keep it firm so's you don't topple
over.
Oh. I wish she hadn't mentioned that.
Try it, honey.
Topple over?
Keep the hind leg firm.
Yeah.
Firm and sit on your heel.
That's it, that's it!
And, uh...
Yes, and keep your...
Whoops-a-daisy.
Aw, you'll get it, ma'am.
All you need's a bit of practice.
Good luck to you.
Thank you.
(with Cockney accent): Ooh, I say,
governor,
I think I've hurt my hip.
Well, come on.
Enough of this.
Let's go and have lunch, eh?
Now you're talk...
No, I'm gonna stay right here
and practice my curtseying.
RICKY: How about you, Ethel?
Well, I think I'll go with the
fellows, Lucy.
I don't like to curtsey on an empty
stomach.
Yeah.
After we have lunch,
we'd better go to International
Artists
and talk to the fellow over there.
FRED: Good idea, Rick.
See you later, honey.
Good-bye...
Oh.
Good-bye, dear.
Good-bye, governor.
See you later.
Ooh.
Oh, hi, honey.
Hi.
You're still rehearsing?
Yes, sir, I'm right in the groove.
Well, I think you'd better ungroove
yourself.
Why, what do you mean?
I hate to tell you this
but I found out something this
afternoon.
What?
Well, the royal family has a special
room
behind their box at the theater.
They do?
And it seems that only certain people
get invited up there to be presented
to the queen.
Oh, dear, what a shame.
The Mertzes don't get to go.
Well, they'll just have to keep a
stiff upper lip.
Lucy...
Hmm?
Make it three stiff upper lips.
What do you mean?
Well, honey, I looked at the
invitation
and it only says Ricky Ricardo.
But surely they mean Ricky Ricardo
and wife
or Ricky Ricardo and guest.
I'll be a guest.
Honey, no, it only says Ricky
Ricardo.
I'm sorry, honey, but I don't know
what to do.
Well, couldn't you call Buckingham
Palace
and ask if you could bring a friend?
I don't think it'll be right
to question the queen's list.
Besides, you know, the British people
think
that Americans are a little forward
anyway,
and I'm kind of representing the
American people.
(whining): Oh, Ricky, I did so want
to meet the queen.
(wailing)
(wailing continues)
Give me the International Artists
Agency, please.
Uh, Philip Wilcox.
Hello, Philip, this is Ricky Ricardo.
Yes, fine, thank you.
Listen, uh, I got a problem here.
I'd like to ask your advice.
Do you think it'll be all right
if I bring my wife tomorrow night
when I'm presented to the queen?
No, her name is not on the list.
I know, Philip,
but she's dying to meet your queen.
What was that, Philip?
Ricky, I didn't mean for you to
really call Buckingham Palace.
Oh, I see.
Well, thanks a lot, Phil.
Phil!
I'll... I'll see you tomorrow night.
Good-bye.
What's the matter with you?
Well, talk about Americans being
forward!
And where did you ever get the
telephone number
of Buckingham Palace?
Buckingham...
Oh, oh.
(laughing)
Is that what you thought?
No, I was calling Philip Wilcox.
That's my agent here in Europe.
Oh.
I just wanted to find out if he
thought
it'd be all right to bring you
tomorrow.
What'd he say?
He said no. Your name is not on the
list,
it's not proper.
Oh, dear.
He said it'd be different
if... if you were in the show, you
know.
If you were one of the entertainers
or something, maybe he could...
Ricky, Ricky, I've asked you
to let me in that show before,
but I never meant it as much as I do
this time.
If you don't let me be in your show
at the Palladium,
I'm gonna give you such a punch,
you'll talk funnier than you do now!
All right, all right.
I know this is very important to you.
You can be It is. in the
show.
Oh, thank you, honey, thank you!
Oh, baby, if you weren't already
married,
I'd marry you.
Now what can I do?
Well, now, let me see, uh...
How about that...
Could you dance the lead
in that, uh...
train horse number?
Dance the lead? Yeah.
Train horse number?
Yeah, yeah.
The ponies.
The circus pony number.
Where I play the ringmaster.
Yes, yes, I could.
Sure, I could.
You haven't rehearsed it or...
Well, I've seen it, I've seen it so
many times, honey, I...
You sure you know all the steps?
Yes, yes, I know all the steps.
How about that...
They have to prance out.
Yeah, how about that big leap
they make through the loop and all
that stuff?
I'd leap through fire and water to
see the queen.
Yes, and I know how they prance
out...
That's right and I got the whip and
the whistle.
Ooh!
Ooh!
What's the matter?
Ooh, I got a little cramp in my leg.
I guess my muscles are tired from all
that bowing.
Well, are you sure you gonna be all
right tomorrow?
Oh, certainly I'll be all right
tomorrow for heaven's sake.
A little charley horse--
that ought to be good for a pony
number.
Ah-ha-ha!
Oh...
(fanfare playing)
(drumroll)
(cymbals clash, trumpet fanfare)
(applause)
(circus music playing)
(whistle blowing)
(whistle blows)
(whistle blows)
(whistle blows)
(music stops)
(whistle blows)
(applause)
(fox hunting fanfare)
(circus medley begins, with rhythmic
hoofbeat)
(whistle blows)
(whistle blows)
(whistle blows)
(whistle blowing)
(whistle blows)
(whistle blows)
(music crescendoes)
(whistle blows)
(applause)
(whistle blows)
(music crescendoes)
(whistle blows)
(applause)
(whistle blows)
(drumroll)
(whistle blows)
(drumroll)
(whistle blows)
(band plays finale)
(applause, circus music resumes)
Ray, tell the chief electrician
to put a new lamp in that blue
border.
Fred, has Ricky come back from seeing
the queen?
No. How's Lucy?
Oh, she hasn't been able
to get the charley horse out of her
leg yet.
I never thought I'd see the day
when Lucy'd turn down an introduction
to the queen.
Well, she's so embarrassed.
She thinks she made a fool of herself
in that number
and she can't curtsey.
And she won't meet the queen if she
can't curtsey.
Hi!
Oh, did you,
did you meet the queen?
What was she like?
Oh, Ethel, she is the most
charming and gracious lady I have
ever met.
Oh, I knew she would be.
What about the duke?
Is he a pretty good joe?
Just as charming as she was.
Listen, how's Lucy?
Oh, she feels terrible.
She's so disappointed.
Well, wait till she hears what I
gotta tell her.
What?
Well, the queen has requested
to meet the lady that did the comical
dancing.
I'm going to tell her right now.
Hey!
This is like a command performance.
Oh, this is gonna break her heart,
Fred.
The poor little thing.
Of all times to get a charley horse.
I bet she goes.
Oh, never.
Well, this means a lot to her.
Besides, it's a special invitation.
But she can't curtsey.
I can tell...
Going?
Well, you won't believe this.
She got into a curtsey position to
see if she could do it
and she can't get out of it.
Oh, well, that's that.
Oh, no, that's not.
Wait till you see.
She got a couple of ushers and
well...
See for yourself.
(orchestra playing closing flourish)
("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)
ANNOUNCER: Bellboy was played by Sam
Edwards.
The man on the street was Robert
Shafto
and the maid was Nancy Kulp.
Choreography by Jack Baker.
The dancers were Betty Scott and
Patti Nestor.
"I Love Lucy" is a Desilu Production.
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz
will be back next week at this same
time.
ANNOUNCER: And now, "I Love Lucy."
(applause)
Oh, Ricky, can you believe it?
We're in London!
How about it, eh?
It just doesn't seem real,
actually seeing all those places:
Picadilly, London Bridge, Westminster
Abbey.
Isn't it exciting?
Oh, and look at this lovely room.
Isn't it nice?
Oh, honey, we have a balcony!
Oh, yeah.
Will that Yes.
be all, sir? Thank you.
Pardon me, but could you tell me
where Buckingham Palace is from here?
Yes, ma'am.
It's right over that way.
Oh, Ricky, we can see it from here!
Yeah!
Isn't it beautiful?
Wonderful.
Oh, gee, I-I'm just dying to see the
queen.
Oh, have you ever seen the queen?
No, ma'am.
But I came frightful close during the
coronation.
I just missed her.
Aw, what a shame.
But I did catch a glimpse of him.
Philip?
No, ma'am. Danny Kaye.
I'll bring up the rest of your
luggage.
All right.
Isn't this wonderful?
Isn't it exciting?
Don't you just love it?
I say, old bean, ain't this the nuts?
(Ricky laughs)
What a city this is!
How's your room?
It's great, just like this.
Same view and everything.
Uh, one thing stumped him though.
I didn't know whether to give him
tuppence
or thruppence.
Fred, thruppence is only about three
cents.
Well, he solved it rather neatly.
What'd he give?
Nuppence.
Well, it's not my fault.
I just can't figure the money over
here.
What was your excuse in the USA?
Fred is now the darling of the
bellhops
on two different continents.
(chuckling)
Well, whether I tip him or not,
remember that there'll always be an
England.
Yeah, but it won't always have us in
it.
Come on, we got a million sights to
see.
Let's go to Buckingham Palace first
and see the queen.
Honey, it's only 10:00.
Queens don't get up this early.
How would you know?
Oh, well, let's just go by the palace
and look.
You know, see if the shades are down.
Yeah, and if the milk is in the front
porch,
don't ring the bell.
Oh, I won't, honey.
Fred, while their majesties are out
here hobnobbing
with the royalty, let's you and I go
to the theater, huh?
Right-o.
Oh, honey, aren't you gonna go with
us?
No, I gotta go to the Palladium.
I'll go get my coat.
Okay.
I'll go get my coat, too.
Hey, maybe we can do some shopping.
Okay, I want to get some souvenirs.
Souvenirs! Okay.
Honey, if I'm gonna go shopping,
I need some money.
All right, but no funny stuff now.
What do you mean?
Well, back in Hollywood,
you came home with John Wayne's
footprints.
I don't want to find Big Ben
ticking right next to my bed.
Here.
Thanks...
What's this?
That's 10, English money.
English money!
Yeah.
How much is this in our money?
Well a pound is $2.80 So that's $28.
28? Well, thank you.
Hey, what if I want to buy something
less than $28?
You get change, just like you do in
America.
Well, I won't know what kind of
change I should be getting.
Well, here it is, right in this
little book.
Now, you know how much a pound is.
Sure, 16 ounces.
A pound is $2.80.
Oh.
There are 20 shillings in a pound.
Each shilling is worth 14 cents.
There are seven shillings in a dollar
and 12 pennies in one shilling, see.
No wonder the Pilgrims left here to
go to America.
Just buy whatever you want
and trust the people to give you the
right change.
All right, honey, I will.
ETHEL: Okay.
I'm ready, honey.
I'm all ready to go shopping.
You all set, Rick?
Yeah.
I'll see you later.
So long, Ricky.
All right.
Bye, Fred.
Don't spend all that dough, I gave
you, Ethel.
How much you give her?
$10.
$10?
Well, ten of whatever they call
dollars over here.
Fred, if you gave her 10, you gave
her $28.
$28! Holy cow.
Ethel! Ethel! Ethel...
(chuckling)
Come on.
I told you it was too early for the
queen.
Well, she gotta come out sometime.
I thought we were gonna go shopping.
Later, later.
No, let's go now.
We can come back here.
No. We might miss her.
Wouldn't you feel terrible
if you went home without seeing the
queen?
I'd feel much worse if I went home
without spending the money Fred gave
me.
Oh. Look at the book
and see if it says what time she
comes out.
Oh, okay.
Nope, just tells about the palace,
how old it is and how many rooms it
has.
Oh, how many rooms has it got?
Over 500!
No wonder she hasn't come out.
She's probably lost.
Oh, look, look!
I see a man.
Where?
Right there.
Do you think that might be Philip?
Oh, I doubt it.
I hardly think
Philip would be out wrestling ash
cans.
Oh...
Come on, honey, let's go shopping,
huh?
Come on.
Wait a minute.
Pardon me, sir, could you tell me
when the queen might be coming out?
(speaking garbled British English)
Quite clear?
Glad to be of service.
Good morning.
What'd he say?
Couldn't you understand him?
He said: (speaking gibberish).
What's that?
I don't know.
And after living with Ricky for 15
years,
I thought I could understand anybody.
Let's go, honey, huh?
Wait a minute.
Maybe this man will know.
Pardon me, but could you tell me
what time the queen might be coming
out?
I say, could you tell me
what time the queen might be coming
out, sir?
Lucy...
What?
He's not allowed to pay any attention
to anyone.
How do you know?
Says it right here in the book.
He's a palace guard.
He's not allowed to pay any attention
to anyone.
He's not even allowed to smile.
Why not?
It's tradition
and no one can make him break the
rule.
I bet I can.
Lucy?
I bet I can make him smile.
Now, Lucy...
Hello.
He's a big one, isn't he?
Will you pardon me
while I pretend not to know who you
are?
So you won't smile, huh?
Come on.
(laughing boisterously)
(laughing louder and harder)
Well...
(humming taunting tune)
Wow, you make Ed Sullivan look like
laughing boy.
Did you ever hear the one about the
dog psychiatrist
that wrote a book?
It's called Is Your Cocker Off His
Rocker?
Is Your Collie Off His Trolley?
Is Your Poodle Off His Noodle?
I don't know, that kills them in
America.
Oh, Lucy, what a thrill!
What?
Well, didn't you see her?
Who?
The queen.
She just drove out.
No! No!
I missed her!
Oh, it's all your fault, you sphinx
you.
I say, excuse me,
I found the answer to your question.
(unintelligible)
Oh, just a minute now.
What'd you say?
I said, (unintelligible).
You'll have to pardon us.
We're Americans.
We don't understand English.
Could you perhaps
talk just a bit slower?
Oh, yes, sorry.
I understand Her Majesty's appearing
at 1:00
at the Wimbleshire Hotel Charity
Luncheon.
Thank you! The Wimbleshire Hotel--
that's our hotel.
Okay, yeah.
We gotta go right now.
Right now.
Good-bye, Smiley.
Come on, honey, it's almost 1:00.
You want to miss the queen again?
All right, I'm coming.
You wouldn't want me to have a shiny
nose
when I see the queen, would you?
(crowd cheering)
What's that?
(crowd cheering)
It's a big mob to get somebody's
autograph.
Is it the queen?
Oh, they all went inside.
Come on, come on, honey, let's go
down.
Oh, I hope we don't miss her again.
Oh, we won't.
Oh, for heaven's sake.
(crowd clamoring)
Can you see her?
No, I can't see a thing.
Gee, I didn't know queens gave out
autographs.
Neither did I. Can I borrow a sheet
of your autograph?
Thank you very much.
Would you pass this in there?
I'd like to have an autograph too,
please.
Do you see anything?
Nope, not a thing.
Jump way up.
See her now?
No.
Gee, that isn't fair.
They live here.
They've seen her before.
Here it comes.
Oh, thank you very much.
What's the matter?
"Best wishes to one of my British
fans.
Signed, Ricky Ricardo."
Really!
Well, that's just about the sneakiest
thing
you ever did in your whole life.
What did I do?
All I did was come home.
Yes, you came home at 1:00--
the same time the queen was supposed
to arrive.
That's the second time today I missed
her.
Can I help it if the English people
are nice enough to think of me as a
celebrity?
Oh... Besides...
I wish you'd never made a movie.
Really.
I want to tell you something.
Shh...
Uh, could you tell me, please,
what time the queen is arriving for
the charity luncheon today?
What?!
Oh, thank you.
The luncheon was yesterday.
(chuckling)
Well, it's not funny and it's all
your fault.
My fault?
Yes. If we'd left New York a day
earlier,
we'd have been here yesterday, and
I'd have seen the queen.
Look, would you just calm down for
one minute?
I got something to tell you.
Well, all right, one minute, but
hurry up!
I gotta get out and look for the
queen.
That's just what I want to talk to
you about.
Now, tomorrow night we open our show
at the Palladium, right?
Yeah.
All right. The royal family's gonna
be there.
Not only will you get to see the
queen,
you're gonna be presented to her.
I... I... I'm gonna be presented to
the queen?
Yes.
Oh, Ricky!
What'll I wear?
What'll I do?
What'll I say?
How will I act?
Honey, I'm really gonna be presented
to the queen?
Yes.
Lucy, did you hear?
We're gonna meet the queen.
Yes. I'm so excited, I can't stand
it.
Imagine me, meeting a queen
face-to-face.
I'm scared.
You're scared-- think of the queen.
There's nothing to be scared about.
Gee, I don't know how to address a
queen.
What do I say-- "Hello, Highness"?
"Good evening, Elizabeth"?
Oh, uh, maybe just call her "Mrs.
Mountbatten."
LUCY.
Oh.
Oh, you make so much of this.
You just walk up, slip her the grip
and say, "Hiya, Queen."
Fred, honestly.
Well, why not? I've seen her in the
newsreel,
and she looks like a real good egg.
Oh, Fred!
No, no. I think you call her "Your
Majesty."
"Your Majesty"?
RICKY: That's right.
Uh, uh, Your Maj...
Good evening, Your Majesty.
How do you do?
I don't think you shake hands.
No?
When women are presented to the
queen,
they curtsey.
They curtsey!
Of course they...
Oh, dear.
What's the matter?
Well, I can't get into my good dress
with my girdle off
and I can't curtsey with it on.
Well, you know,
I haven't curtsied since I was a kid.
Well, I can remember how.
You put your foot like that
and then you bring it around
and you make a nice bow...
Lower, Ethel, lower.
That's as low as I can get.
The queen's gonna have to meet me
halfway.
How's this, Ricky?
RICKY: That's not too bad.
Oh, say, you know, this isn't easy.
It's been years
since I used my curtsey muscles.
Hey, we'd better practice.
Yeah, let's practice.
You know, we'll probably have on a
big dress, too,
you know, a big wide skirt.
ETHEL: We ought to really practice a
sweeping one.
It'll make it more graceful, you
know.
Let's see now. My dress would come
out to about there.
Ooh!
Down, girl, down.
Just a minute now, I'll make it.
Rome wasn't built in a day.
Rome wasn't built like you either.
You mind your own business!
Yeah, you and Ricky practice your
bowing.
ETHEL: Yeah, practice bowing.
All right.
LUCY: Now, let's see.
There, that feels good.
I say, you Americans do have strange
customs, don't you?
We were just practicing bowing.
Yes, we're gonna be presented to the
queen.
Are you now?
Ain't that nice?
Uh, good evening, Your Majesty.
Oh, blimey, that'll never do.
Huh, what's the matter with it?
Well, ma'am, according to British
etiquette,
when you're presented to the queen,
your curtsey is all the way down,
resting the weight on the heel,
extending the end
and bowing the head like this.
All the way down.
Oh, that's pretty, yeah.
All the way down.
All the...
This leg is over here.
All the way down.
On the heel.
Then extend the hand and bowing the
head.
Boy, I'd like to have the lineament
concession
for this group.
It's simple once you get the hang of
it.
Well, thanks very much for showing
us.
Oh, ma'am, one thing you got to watch
out for.
What?
The hind leg.
The hind leg?
The one you puts behind you.
Keep it firm so's you don't topple
over.
Oh. I wish she hadn't mentioned that.
Try it, honey.
Topple over?
Keep the hind leg firm.
Yeah.
Firm and sit on your heel.
That's it, that's it!
And, uh...
Yes, and keep your...
Whoops-a-daisy.
Aw, you'll get it, ma'am.
All you need's a bit of practice.
Good luck to you.
Thank you.
(with Cockney accent): Ooh, I say,
governor,
I think I've hurt my hip.
Well, come on.
Enough of this.
Let's go and have lunch, eh?
Now you're talk...
No, I'm gonna stay right here
and practice my curtseying.
RICKY: How about you, Ethel?
Well, I think I'll go with the
fellows, Lucy.
I don't like to curtsey on an empty
stomach.
Yeah.
After we have lunch,
we'd better go to International
Artists
and talk to the fellow over there.
FRED: Good idea, Rick.
See you later, honey.
Good-bye...
Oh.
Good-bye, dear.
Good-bye, governor.
See you later.
Ooh.
Oh, hi, honey.
Hi.
You're still rehearsing?
Yes, sir, I'm right in the groove.
Well, I think you'd better ungroove
yourself.
Why, what do you mean?
I hate to tell you this
but I found out something this
afternoon.
What?
Well, the royal family has a special
room
behind their box at the theater.
They do?
And it seems that only certain people
get invited up there to be presented
to the queen.
Oh, dear, what a shame.
The Mertzes don't get to go.
Well, they'll just have to keep a
stiff upper lip.
Lucy...
Hmm?
Make it three stiff upper lips.
What do you mean?
Well, honey, I looked at the
invitation
and it only says Ricky Ricardo.
But surely they mean Ricky Ricardo
and wife
or Ricky Ricardo and guest.
I'll be a guest.
Honey, no, it only says Ricky
Ricardo.
I'm sorry, honey, but I don't know
what to do.
Well, couldn't you call Buckingham
Palace
and ask if you could bring a friend?
I don't think it'll be right
to question the queen's list.
Besides, you know, the British people
think
that Americans are a little forward
anyway,
and I'm kind of representing the
American people.
(whining): Oh, Ricky, I did so want
to meet the queen.
(wailing)
(wailing continues)
Give me the International Artists
Agency, please.
Uh, Philip Wilcox.
Hello, Philip, this is Ricky Ricardo.
Yes, fine, thank you.
Listen, uh, I got a problem here.
I'd like to ask your advice.
Do you think it'll be all right
if I bring my wife tomorrow night
when I'm presented to the queen?
No, her name is not on the list.
I know, Philip,
but she's dying to meet your queen.
What was that, Philip?
Ricky, I didn't mean for you to
really call Buckingham Palace.
Oh, I see.
Well, thanks a lot, Phil.
Phil!
I'll... I'll see you tomorrow night.
Good-bye.
What's the matter with you?
Well, talk about Americans being
forward!
And where did you ever get the
telephone number
of Buckingham Palace?
Buckingham...
Oh, oh.
(laughing)
Is that what you thought?
No, I was calling Philip Wilcox.
That's my agent here in Europe.
Oh.
I just wanted to find out if he
thought
it'd be all right to bring you
tomorrow.
What'd he say?
He said no. Your name is not on the
list,
it's not proper.
Oh, dear.
He said it'd be different
if... if you were in the show, you
know.
If you were one of the entertainers
or something, maybe he could...
Ricky, Ricky, I've asked you
to let me in that show before,
but I never meant it as much as I do
this time.
If you don't let me be in your show
at the Palladium,
I'm gonna give you such a punch,
you'll talk funnier than you do now!
All right, all right.
I know this is very important to you.
You can be It is. in the
show.
Oh, thank you, honey, thank you!
Oh, baby, if you weren't already
married,
I'd marry you.
Now what can I do?
Well, now, let me see, uh...
How about that...
Could you dance the lead
in that, uh...
train horse number?
Dance the lead? Yeah.
Train horse number?
Yeah, yeah.
The ponies.
The circus pony number.
Where I play the ringmaster.
Yes, yes, I could.
Sure, I could.
You haven't rehearsed it or...
Well, I've seen it, I've seen it so
many times, honey, I...
You sure you know all the steps?
Yes, yes, I know all the steps.
How about that...
They have to prance out.
Yeah, how about that big leap
they make through the loop and all
that stuff?
I'd leap through fire and water to
see the queen.
Yes, and I know how they prance
out...
That's right and I got the whip and
the whistle.
Ooh!
Ooh!
What's the matter?
Ooh, I got a little cramp in my leg.
I guess my muscles are tired from all
that bowing.
Well, are you sure you gonna be all
right tomorrow?
Oh, certainly I'll be all right
tomorrow for heaven's sake.
A little charley horse--
that ought to be good for a pony
number.
Ah-ha-ha!
Oh...
(fanfare playing)
(drumroll)
(cymbals clash, trumpet fanfare)
(applause)
(circus music playing)
(whistle blowing)
(whistle blows)
(whistle blows)
(whistle blows)
(music stops)
(whistle blows)
(applause)
(fox hunting fanfare)
(circus medley begins, with rhythmic
hoofbeat)
(whistle blows)
(whistle blows)
(whistle blows)
(whistle blowing)
(whistle blows)
(whistle blows)
(music crescendoes)
(whistle blows)
(applause)
(whistle blows)
(music crescendoes)
(whistle blows)
(applause)
(whistle blows)
(drumroll)
(whistle blows)
(drumroll)
(whistle blows)
(band plays finale)
(applause, circus music resumes)
Ray, tell the chief electrician
to put a new lamp in that blue
border.
Fred, has Ricky come back from seeing
the queen?
No. How's Lucy?
Oh, she hasn't been able
to get the charley horse out of her
leg yet.
I never thought I'd see the day
when Lucy'd turn down an introduction
to the queen.
Well, she's so embarrassed.
She thinks she made a fool of herself
in that number
and she can't curtsey.
And she won't meet the queen if she
can't curtsey.
Hi!
Oh, did you,
did you meet the queen?
What was she like?
Oh, Ethel, she is the most
charming and gracious lady I have
ever met.
Oh, I knew she would be.
What about the duke?
Is he a pretty good joe?
Just as charming as she was.
Listen, how's Lucy?
Oh, she feels terrible.
She's so disappointed.
Well, wait till she hears what I
gotta tell her.
What?
Well, the queen has requested
to meet the lady that did the comical
dancing.
I'm going to tell her right now.
Hey!
This is like a command performance.
Oh, this is gonna break her heart,
Fred.
The poor little thing.
Of all times to get a charley horse.
I bet she goes.
Oh, never.
Well, this means a lot to her.
Besides, it's a special invitation.
But she can't curtsey.
I can tell...
Going?
Well, you won't believe this.
She got into a curtsey position to
see if she could do it
and she can't get out of it.
Oh, well, that's that.
Oh, no, that's not.
Wait till you see.
She got a couple of ushers and
well...
See for yourself.
(orchestra playing closing flourish)
("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)
ANNOUNCER: Bellboy was played by Sam
Edwards.
The man on the street was Robert
Shafto
and the maid was Nancy Kulp.
Choreography by Jack Baker.
The dancers were Betty Scott and
Patti Nestor.
"I Love Lucy" is a Desilu Production.
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz
will be back next week at this same
time.