I Love Lucy (1951–1957): Season 4, Episode 30 - The Tour - full transcript
Lucy gets stranded in Richard Widmark's house after trying to steal a grapefruit from a tree in his backyard.
("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)
Are you ready?
Lucy, I told you, you cannot go with
me.
Yeah, I know you told me that, but
you didn't mean it.
Yes, I did mean it.
But, Ricky, you're having lunch
with Richard Widmark at Romanoff's.
Correct.
Well, why can't I go with you?
Give me one good reason.
I don't want you there.
Ricky, look.
If you say I can go with you, I
promise I-I won't say a word.
All I want to do is just sit and
drool at him.
Honey, you won't even know I'm there.
I'll be as quiet as a mouse.
I won't eat very much, just a little
piece of cheese.
I'll, I'll even pick up the check for
the whole lunch.
How about that?
No, thanks, sport.
Oh, Ricky, please.
Please. This is the opportunity of a
lifetime.
Please say I can go with you.
You may not go with me.
Ricky Ricardo, can you look me in the
eye
and tell me I cannot have lunch
with Richard Widmark, my idol, my
dream man?
You cannot have lunch with Richard
Widmark,
your idol, your dream man.
Would you like to try the other eye?
Now, look, Lucy, let me try to get
this
into that little thick skull of
yours.
Now, I am not positively, absolutely
taking you
along with me definitely.
(sighing)
Well, it finally happened.
What has?
I knew the day would come when you'd
go too far.
I'm gonna punch you in the nose,
buster.
What?!
(grunting)
Come on now. Come on now.
Ricky!
Ricky, come on now!
Hey, hey...!
What's going on?
Nothing. Calm down, will you, Lucy?
Calm down! Calm down!
Lucy, what did he do?
He's having lunch with Richard
Widmark at Romanoff's
and he won't take me along.
Let me at the dirty rat.
Hey, hey, now.
Never mind, Rocky, never mind.
Honestly, I am never gonna tell you
when I'm having lunch with anyone
again.
You didn't tell me this time,
remember?
Well, I'm never gonna have a
telephone
with an extension again.
You're just being mean.
You know how much I want to meet him.
Aw, Ricky, why don't you take her
along?
What's the harm?
I never thought I'd agree with these
two, Rick,
but why don't you take her along?
Well, well, well.
It's very obvious that all of you are
gonna buyer me, so...
"Buyer me"?
You know what I mean.
"Buyer me"?
I think there is something that all
of you should know.
Well, in these short three months
that we've been out here,
Lucy has become a Hollywood legend.
Me, a Hollywood legend?
Yes, that's right.
When I'm out in the street,
people point me out and say, "There
he goes.
"That's the fellow
that's married to that redheaded
screwball."
Oh, they do not.
And then the first thing they want to
know
when they meet me: "Is it true
"that she threw a pie at Bill Holden
in the Brown Derby?"
I told you, I did not throw that pie.
The waiter bumped into me.
Uh-huh, well, yeah.
And then they want to know
if she really sneaked into Cornel
Wilde's room
dressed as a bellhop.
Well, I... that...
And the commotion that
that orange that she had Robert
Taylor autograph for her
at the Farmer's Market. Now,
listen,
there's a good, logical reason for
everything
that's happened to me.
Well, I'm sure that there is, honey,
but I haven't got time to listen to
them now.
So, uh, I'll see you later,
character.
Yee-ee-ee.
Yeah, I'll see you.
I don't like that tone.
You are thinking again.
There's no law against my going to
Romanoff's, too,
and perhaps dropping by your table
and delivering
a cheery little hello Lucy...
to someone that I Lucy...
think is real dreamy.
Lucy!
What?
I want you to listen to me
and I want you to listen very
carefully.
If I as much as see your face in
Romanoff,
I am gonna wrap you up in brown paper
and mail you back to New York!
And that's an ultimatum!
(door slamming)
An ultimatum?!
Well, I'm not surprised.
I am. I didn't think he knew how to
pronounce it.
Oh, nuts.
Hey, I know where you can go and be
surrounded
by movie stars Where? all
afternoon.
Take that bus trip we were reading
about,
the one that goes through Beverly
Hills.
Oh, I don't want to see the outsides
of their houses.
I want to see them in person, up
close.
That's right, you like to be within
pie-throwing range.
Oh, Fred!
Well, you two do what you like.
I'm going to the ball game. Good-bye.
Where's that pamphlet, tells about
that bus ride?
Over here.
Is this bus that tours the movie
stars' homes?
Yes, ma'am, but we don't leave for a
few minutes yet.
Oh, well, that's good 'cause we want
to get a good seat.
Where's the best place to sit?
You can see equally as well on either
side.
Oh.
Uh, this'll show you where we go.
Your tickets, please?
Thank you.
Let's sit here, Ethel.
All right.
I want to sit by the window.
Why?
'Cause I'm right-handed.
Oh.
What's that got to do with it?
Oh, move to the other side, Ethel.
Well, look, Why?
when we go out Wilshire Boulevard,
the La Brea Tar Pits and all these
buildings
are on the left.
That's the best side. Go on.
Okay.
Ethel.
You got two right hands?
Come on.
Thank you.
Uh-oh.
We'll miss The ocean if we stay on
this side.
Now, look, Lucy...
Come on, before somebody else
gets on and takes that seat. Come on!
Ethel...
This seat is very comfortable.
I can see fine.
Ethel...
This is just great.
Clark Gable's house is on the left
and so is Bob Hope's.
Oh, Lucy, we're not gonna move again.
You want to bet?
Well, I'm sorry if we're bothering
you,
but we paid our money for this trip
and we want to see everything.
I wish there was someplace we could
sit
so we could see both sides.
Oh, but there is.
Where?
I could strap you onto the front of
the bus!
Well! I don't see anything so funny
about that.
Oh, I think you had it coming.
Come on now, we can see things
over there much better than over
here.
I am not going to move.
Oh, all right.
You stay with the Pacific Ocean.
I'll take Clark Gable and the La Brea
Tar Pits
Go ahead.
if you don't mind.
Pardon me, ma'am, but this seat is
taken.
Sure is, honey.
Pardon me, madam,
it doesn't seem to be getting through
to you,
but this seat is taken.
Me, here.
DRIVER: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome
aboard.
I'd like to tell you about where
you're going on our tour.
We're first going down the Hollywood
Freeway
to the downtown area.
Then we'll come back up Wilshire
Boulevard
all the way to the beach.
Then we'll go through the Pacific
Palisades,
Brentwood, Bel Air, Holmby Hills and
Beverly Hills.
Beverly Hills. That's where we want
to go.
(bus engine starting)
DRIVER: That beautiful colonial
mansion
over there is Mr. Alan Ladd's home.
Alan Ladd!
Yeah, gee, it would be nice
if we could see Sue Carol walking
around there.
And over here on the left is Shirley
Temple's old home.
Right there by that big hedge, you
see?
What's that?
Shirley Temple's old home over here.
Old home. Not the one she's in--
she's married now; she's married to
Mr. Black.
Lady...
Oh.
Lady.
Yeah.
Now, if you look at that hedge,
you will see a mailbox.
Where? Now...
Over this side, please.
That's a replica of Shirley Temple's
dollhouse
she used to play in the backyard
with.
I can't see.
Where is it?
This side, please.
Sorry. Oh, yeah!
Yeah, Ethel, it's just like a little
dollhouse.
I can't see a thing.
Oh!
Please! Please!
Lady...
Lady.
What?
Lady, please.
Your ticket entitles you to one seat.
Will you please stay in it!
Well, I couldn't see!
Well, you're supposed to see
what he's talking about, aren't you?
You pay...
Now, over here on the right,
that red brick house next to Alan
Ladd's
is the home of Miss Ava Gardner.
Ava Gardner!
Look, you can see the laundry on the
line.
I read all about her in a movie
magazine.
They say she just bought
scads of new clothes when she was in
Rome.
-If you look at the backyard, -Did
she?
...there you can see...
And her favorite type
...the swimming pool...
of clothes are evening gowns
and plain, black slacks.
and the tennis courts and...
And I understand that
she wears nothing but black lace
lingerie.
What are you doing?
What's the matter with you?
Well, since you seem to know so much
about it,
I thought maybe you would like to
take over.
Well! Here.
Honestly.
(whispering)
Well, I don't see why.
And up the street there, that old
English house,
I haven't ladies and got
anything gentlemen,
to say to that, do I?
...that is the home of Miss Joan
Crawford.
Joan Crawford!
(bus engine starting)
That, uh, ranch-type home on the
left,
ladies and gentlemen,
belongs to Betty Grable and Harry
James.
Oh!
It's a beautiful house.
Oh, look at that.
And over here--
there's a beautiful home over there
by that high wall
you can see there--
that is the home of Mr. Richard
Widmark.
Richard Widmark!
Uh, I'd like you to know
that my husband is having lunch with
Richard Widmark
right this minute at Romanoff's.
No!
Wait till I tell Lana about that at
dinner tonight.
Now, listen, you...
Now, Lucy, don't start anything.
I was just trying to give them
an interesting bit of information.
He is having lunch at Romanoff's
right this minute with Mr. Richard
Widmark.
Isn't that a beautiful house?
Isn't that Yes.
something?
I knew he'd have a house...
Oh, look!
There's grapefruit growing right out
there in his backyard.
See over that wall?
Yeah.
Grapefruit. Gee, I'd love to have
a Richard Widmark grapefruit
to go with my Robert Taylor orange.
What a fruit salad that'd make!
Yeah.
The next area we're about to enter,
ladies and gentlemen...
Uh, driver...
Yes?
Driver,
I'd like to get off the bus, please.
No, no, I can't do that, madam.
I've a schedule to keep.
I just want to pick a grapefruit.
Look, this may come as a shock to
you,
but you can buy one in the corner
market.
Oh, you are humorous.
Open the door, please.
Come on, Ethel.
Just a minute, lady.
If you go through that door,
it's your own responsibility.
Well, will you at least wait for us?
Go ahead.
Try me.
(falsetto): "Go ahead. Try me."
Come on, we'll take a cab back.
Gee, I didn't think he'd really leave
us, did you?
Oh, I don't care.
I'm glad he did.
Well, let your grapefruit and let's
get out of here.
Gee, this wall is higher than I
thought.
Here. Give me a step up.
Yeah. A step up?
You know, you know how they do it
like this.
You gonna climb the wall?
Well, sure.
Nothing.
Okay.
Come on, go like this now.
All right.
Okay. Now hold on.
You ready?
Yeah.
One, two, three!
(grunting)
Come on, Ethel, I'm close.
Want your other one on it?
Yeah. Okay, now...
You all right?
Is there any more there?
One more.
Whoo!
Did you make it?
Yeah.
Okay.
Hee-hee-hee.
Hee-hee-hee.
Can you get one?
Sure. Oh, boy, are they beauties.
Here's one.
Can you get that one?
Yeah.
Oh, it's not...
(screaming)
Lucy!
Sheesh!
Lucy, are you all right?
Yeah.
I got one!
Come on now, let's get out of here.
Okay. Just a minute.
Come on.
Oh... Ethel.
You should see it back here.
Gee, is it beautiful.
There's a swimming pool
and a tennis court
and a barbecue pit
and a doghouse.
(dog growling)
And a dog!
(dog barking ferociously)
Lucy, come on!
Ethel...
Come on! Come on!
Get out of here, buster! Go on!
Stop it! Now cut it out.
The biggest dog you have ever seen.
I guess he just wants to play, but...
(growling)
Stay away.
Now cut it out. Please, oh...!
Lucy?
Lucy, what happened?
(dog barking)
Go...
Go away now. Go on!
Come on! Come on!
Oh, no! He's got my shoe.
Oh, Lucy, those are your good shoes.
Is he chewing it up?
No, but he swallowed it whole.
Oh, no.
Come on now. Come on.
Ooh. Oh, no, no! Cut it out!
(barking)
No, wait!
(barking)
Oh, please.
Ethel?
Yeah?
Ethel, there's no way to get back
over this wall.
(gasps)
Lucy, what are you gonna do?
Well, now wait a minute, wait a
minute.
My gosh, it's walled all around.
There's no way out.
Oh...
For heaven's sake.
Oh, listen.
Yeah?
Listen.
Huh?
The back door is open, and I'll sneak
in
and I'll sneak through the house and
get out the front.
You wait for me out there.
Oh, you can't do that.
It's the only way.
Now go-go on!
(barking incessantly)
(yelling)
(phone ringing)
WOMAN: I'm coming!
I'm coming.
Mr. Widmark's residence.
Oh, hi.
No, I'm not busy.
Mr. Widmark's off to the studio and
I've got nothing to do.
What's new?
No kidding?
You really broke up with him?
Tell me all about it.
Oh.
Really?
You don't mean it.
Oh.
Oh, Fred. Oh, thank goodness you're
home.
Listen, I'm in Beverly Hills, and
Lucy's in an awful mess.
Never mind "what else is new."
Now, listen, we got off of the bus
in front of Richard Widmark's house
because Lucy wanted to pick a
grapefruit
that was growing in his backyard.
So, she got up on the wall and she
tried to get it
and she fell over the other side
and then she told me that she
couldn't get out.
So, she said for me to go around and
wait in front
and that she would go through the
house and meet me out there
and I've been standing out there for
an hour
and she never did come out...
Stop saying, "Madam, you've got the
wrong number!"
Now, this-this is the worst part.
Richard Widmark just drove by here
and he had Ricky in the car with him
and we've got to get Lucy out of
there.
Now, I've got a plan.
Oh.
Oh, really?
You don't mean it.
Oh.
Uh, say, listen, Mr. Widmark just
drove up.
I've got to go now.
Good-bye.
RICHARD: Come on in, Rick.
RICKY: Hey, this is a lovely house.
RICHARD: Uh, we sort of like it.
We've lived here for quite a long
time now.
From the hallway here, you can see
the living room.
RICKY: Oh, yes, yes.
RICHARD: Just beyond that is the
dining room
and a little breakfast room.
RICKY: Uh-huh.
And, uh, right in here is the trophy
room.
Oh, this is nice.
Come on, I'll show you the pool.
RICKY: Okay. I'd love to see the
backyard.
Now, there's the pool right over
there.
Oh, isn't that nice?
Over there to the left, that's the
tennis court.
Oh, yeah. You play a lot of tennis?
Oh, not too much. I'm getting a
little old for that.
RICKY: I'm taking up golf, yeah.
RICHARD: Oh, I like golf better.
Easier, easier.
I got some fruit trees in the back
there, too.
(dog barking)
Uh-huh.
Got some oranges and lemons.
Hello there, Cap.
How are you?
Oh, isn't he a beautiful dog!
Been a good boy?
Yeah, he's a big one.
Yes, this room is really my favorite.
Well, I don't blame you.
This is really something.
Say, I didn't know that you were
interested in big game hunting.
Oh, yeah. I got started on it
when I was on location in Africa.
Oh, yeah.
I got that water buffalo here.
Isn't that beautiful?
You know, I had an uncle who combed
his hair just like that.
(laughing)
Say, Rick, did you ever shoot a gun?
Well, I won a Kewpie doll at Coney
Island once.
Well, I was hoping to get some
shooting in
last summer in Germany.
I made a picture there called A Prize
Of Gold,
but I was too busy.
Oh, yeah, you know, a lot of people
told me that
that's a great picture.
Well, it's nice to know that
people are saying something about it
anyway.
Hey, you see those two heads there?
What are those?
Those are boars' heads.
Wow!
Got those down at Borneo.
Look at those teeth.
Yeah. Aren't they something, though?
Mm-hmm.
You seen your dentist lately?
A couple of years ago, I was over in
India
Uh-huh.
and I got this tiger.
Oh, yeah.
What do you think of this?
RICHARD: I don't know what he's
laughing at.
What are those over there?
Oh, hose are giant sable antelope
antlers.
They're sharp.
Say, Ricky...
Ricky, I've been meaning to ask you:
These stories I've been hearing about
your wife, are they true?
RICKY: Oh, yeah.
I mean, did she really throw a pie at
Bill Holden?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
She did, huh?
Yeah, I've been waiting for you to
ask me that.
You were?
Um... you know that story about her
throwing a pie at Holden at the Brown
Derby?
RICHARD: Yeah, that's the one I
heard.
And also that thing about she
sneaking
into Cornel Wilde's room...
Yeah, I heard about it.
That's true.
And then she met Taylor
at the Farmer's Market one day
and she asked him to sign his orange.
I heard rumors about that.
I'll tell you...
You know something?
She's a very nice girl,
but, uh, it's just that something
happens to her
when she gets close to a movie star.
Yeah, I got you.
I got you.
As a matter of fact,
she wanted to join us in our luncheon
today.
What?
No, don't worry about it.
She's not within ten miles of here.
Well, that's good.
From the way she sounds,
I might end up with another head on
my wall.
Listen, Ricky.
Yeah?
Have you ever seen a real elephant
gun?
No.
Well, take a look at this.
Oh.
I got this about five years ago down
in Nairobi.
RICKY: Isn't that a beautiful thing?
That's got a kick like ten...
(jabbering)
All right, Cap, I'll take it from
here.
Please, put that...
Well...
Is, uh, this, uh...?
The pie-thrower herself, yes.
How are you?
Please, I can explain. It's all very
normal and natural.
I-I can tell you just how it
happened,
but put that down first, please.
Huh?
Well, now, I don't know about that.
It'd be such a public service to
Hollywood.
Yeah. You might even get a special
Oscar.
Ricky!
Thank you. Go ahead.
No, no, no, please! Please!
I can explain.
All right, go ahead.
Go ahead.
Explain?
Yeah, go ahead and explain.
Well...
Sit down, Cap. You might as well
listen to this.
Oh, you wouldn't believe it anyway.
Go ahead and shoot.
No, now, fellas!
Well... look, it-it was this way.
Uh, the whole thing wouldn't have
happened if I hadn't...
hadn't got trapped inside your wall.
Mm-hmm.
There's no way out of there.
No.
You'll be very happy to know
that you're very well-protected, sir.
Oh, thank you.
Isn't nice to know?
Oh, yeah.
And I... and I...
Oh, by the way, I have a grapefruit
I'd like you to autograph.
May I?
Be my guest.
Thank you.
No! Now, Ricky!
You see, Mr. Widmark,
uh, Ricky was going to have lunch
with you
and he wouldn't let me come along,
so Ethel and I took one of those bus
tours
that goes all around the movie stars'
home...
RICKY: Ethel...
Ethel is a girlfriend.
Yes.
Oh, I see.
A girlfriend from New York,
and we went all around the movie
stars' homes
and we went past your house and-and,
uh,
we saw the grapefruit growing out
over the wall...
So I-I-I sneaked through the house
and I was intending to get out the
front
and you came in, and-and I ran in
here
and I tried to hide and that's all
there is to it.
Well?
Well, it sort of makes sense
in a crazy mixed-up way.
Oh, that's, that's the trouble with
her.
It is?
Yeah.
Uh, pardon me, Mr. Widmark,
there's some people here from the
mental hospital.
A mental hospital?
Oh, there you are, Miss Bell!
(Fred muttering)
There you are, dear.
No, no...
We'll take you right back...
All right, all right, everybody, hold
it!
Oh, you don't understand.
This woman's very dangerous.
Yes.
Yeah, I know that.
I've known that for a long time.
She's very dangerous, yes,
and he knows that she is my wife.
Oh. Oh.
Fred, Ethel, I'd like you to meet
someone, Mr....
How do you do?
Oh, how...
That's all right, Richard.
These are my next-door neighbors.
Hello.
Hi. How do you do?
Well, how convenient for you, Ricky,
to live next door to a mental
hospital.
Oh, no, now, these are just costumes.
We wanted to get Lucy out of here
before you found out she was Ricky's
wife.
Oh, I see.
RICKY: Isn't that simple?
Yes, very simple.
Ricky, uh, you must lead a very
interesting life.
Yes, yeah, yeah, it's got its
moments, yeah.
Well, I'll tell you, Dick,
the way I look at it is this way:
You know, everybody has a problem.
Mm-hmm.
You know, there are some people
that have financial problems...
Yeah.
...and then there are people
that have health problems.
Yeah.
Everybody has something, you know?
Got you.
Well...
RICKY: there it is.
It's my problem.
RICKY: But I love her.
Oh, honey!
(laughing)
Isn't he wonderful?
Amazing.
Oh, would you autograph my
grapefruit, please?
(clearing throat)
Yes, ma'am.
Thank you.
ANNOUNCER: Next week I Love Lucy will
be brought to you by
Lilt Home Permanents.
("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)
The driver was Benny Rubin, the maid
was Juney Ellis,
the women on the bus were Barbara
Pepper and Audrey Betz
and Richard Widmark portrayed
himself.
I Love Lucy is a Desilu Production.
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz
will be back next week at this same
time.
Are you ready?
Lucy, I told you, you cannot go with
me.
Yeah, I know you told me that, but
you didn't mean it.
Yes, I did mean it.
But, Ricky, you're having lunch
with Richard Widmark at Romanoff's.
Correct.
Well, why can't I go with you?
Give me one good reason.
I don't want you there.
Ricky, look.
If you say I can go with you, I
promise I-I won't say a word.
All I want to do is just sit and
drool at him.
Honey, you won't even know I'm there.
I'll be as quiet as a mouse.
I won't eat very much, just a little
piece of cheese.
I'll, I'll even pick up the check for
the whole lunch.
How about that?
No, thanks, sport.
Oh, Ricky, please.
Please. This is the opportunity of a
lifetime.
Please say I can go with you.
You may not go with me.
Ricky Ricardo, can you look me in the
eye
and tell me I cannot have lunch
with Richard Widmark, my idol, my
dream man?
You cannot have lunch with Richard
Widmark,
your idol, your dream man.
Would you like to try the other eye?
Now, look, Lucy, let me try to get
this
into that little thick skull of
yours.
Now, I am not positively, absolutely
taking you
along with me definitely.
(sighing)
Well, it finally happened.
What has?
I knew the day would come when you'd
go too far.
I'm gonna punch you in the nose,
buster.
What?!
(grunting)
Come on now. Come on now.
Ricky!
Ricky, come on now!
Hey, hey...!
What's going on?
Nothing. Calm down, will you, Lucy?
Calm down! Calm down!
Lucy, what did he do?
He's having lunch with Richard
Widmark at Romanoff's
and he won't take me along.
Let me at the dirty rat.
Hey, hey, now.
Never mind, Rocky, never mind.
Honestly, I am never gonna tell you
when I'm having lunch with anyone
again.
You didn't tell me this time,
remember?
Well, I'm never gonna have a
telephone
with an extension again.
You're just being mean.
You know how much I want to meet him.
Aw, Ricky, why don't you take her
along?
What's the harm?
I never thought I'd agree with these
two, Rick,
but why don't you take her along?
Well, well, well.
It's very obvious that all of you are
gonna buyer me, so...
"Buyer me"?
You know what I mean.
"Buyer me"?
I think there is something that all
of you should know.
Well, in these short three months
that we've been out here,
Lucy has become a Hollywood legend.
Me, a Hollywood legend?
Yes, that's right.
When I'm out in the street,
people point me out and say, "There
he goes.
"That's the fellow
that's married to that redheaded
screwball."
Oh, they do not.
And then the first thing they want to
know
when they meet me: "Is it true
"that she threw a pie at Bill Holden
in the Brown Derby?"
I told you, I did not throw that pie.
The waiter bumped into me.
Uh-huh, well, yeah.
And then they want to know
if she really sneaked into Cornel
Wilde's room
dressed as a bellhop.
Well, I... that...
And the commotion that
that orange that she had Robert
Taylor autograph for her
at the Farmer's Market. Now,
listen,
there's a good, logical reason for
everything
that's happened to me.
Well, I'm sure that there is, honey,
but I haven't got time to listen to
them now.
So, uh, I'll see you later,
character.
Yee-ee-ee.
Yeah, I'll see you.
I don't like that tone.
You are thinking again.
There's no law against my going to
Romanoff's, too,
and perhaps dropping by your table
and delivering
a cheery little hello Lucy...
to someone that I Lucy...
think is real dreamy.
Lucy!
What?
I want you to listen to me
and I want you to listen very
carefully.
If I as much as see your face in
Romanoff,
I am gonna wrap you up in brown paper
and mail you back to New York!
And that's an ultimatum!
(door slamming)
An ultimatum?!
Well, I'm not surprised.
I am. I didn't think he knew how to
pronounce it.
Oh, nuts.
Hey, I know where you can go and be
surrounded
by movie stars Where? all
afternoon.
Take that bus trip we were reading
about,
the one that goes through Beverly
Hills.
Oh, I don't want to see the outsides
of their houses.
I want to see them in person, up
close.
That's right, you like to be within
pie-throwing range.
Oh, Fred!
Well, you two do what you like.
I'm going to the ball game. Good-bye.
Where's that pamphlet, tells about
that bus ride?
Over here.
Is this bus that tours the movie
stars' homes?
Yes, ma'am, but we don't leave for a
few minutes yet.
Oh, well, that's good 'cause we want
to get a good seat.
Where's the best place to sit?
You can see equally as well on either
side.
Oh.
Uh, this'll show you where we go.
Your tickets, please?
Thank you.
Let's sit here, Ethel.
All right.
I want to sit by the window.
Why?
'Cause I'm right-handed.
Oh.
What's that got to do with it?
Oh, move to the other side, Ethel.
Well, look, Why?
when we go out Wilshire Boulevard,
the La Brea Tar Pits and all these
buildings
are on the left.
That's the best side. Go on.
Okay.
Ethel.
You got two right hands?
Come on.
Thank you.
Uh-oh.
We'll miss The ocean if we stay on
this side.
Now, look, Lucy...
Come on, before somebody else
gets on and takes that seat. Come on!
Ethel...
This seat is very comfortable.
I can see fine.
Ethel...
This is just great.
Clark Gable's house is on the left
and so is Bob Hope's.
Oh, Lucy, we're not gonna move again.
You want to bet?
Well, I'm sorry if we're bothering
you,
but we paid our money for this trip
and we want to see everything.
I wish there was someplace we could
sit
so we could see both sides.
Oh, but there is.
Where?
I could strap you onto the front of
the bus!
Well! I don't see anything so funny
about that.
Oh, I think you had it coming.
Come on now, we can see things
over there much better than over
here.
I am not going to move.
Oh, all right.
You stay with the Pacific Ocean.
I'll take Clark Gable and the La Brea
Tar Pits
Go ahead.
if you don't mind.
Pardon me, ma'am, but this seat is
taken.
Sure is, honey.
Pardon me, madam,
it doesn't seem to be getting through
to you,
but this seat is taken.
Me, here.
DRIVER: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome
aboard.
I'd like to tell you about where
you're going on our tour.
We're first going down the Hollywood
Freeway
to the downtown area.
Then we'll come back up Wilshire
Boulevard
all the way to the beach.
Then we'll go through the Pacific
Palisades,
Brentwood, Bel Air, Holmby Hills and
Beverly Hills.
Beverly Hills. That's where we want
to go.
(bus engine starting)
DRIVER: That beautiful colonial
mansion
over there is Mr. Alan Ladd's home.
Alan Ladd!
Yeah, gee, it would be nice
if we could see Sue Carol walking
around there.
And over here on the left is Shirley
Temple's old home.
Right there by that big hedge, you
see?
What's that?
Shirley Temple's old home over here.
Old home. Not the one she's in--
she's married now; she's married to
Mr. Black.
Lady...
Oh.
Lady.
Yeah.
Now, if you look at that hedge,
you will see a mailbox.
Where? Now...
Over this side, please.
That's a replica of Shirley Temple's
dollhouse
she used to play in the backyard
with.
I can't see.
Where is it?
This side, please.
Sorry. Oh, yeah!
Yeah, Ethel, it's just like a little
dollhouse.
I can't see a thing.
Oh!
Please! Please!
Lady...
Lady.
What?
Lady, please.
Your ticket entitles you to one seat.
Will you please stay in it!
Well, I couldn't see!
Well, you're supposed to see
what he's talking about, aren't you?
You pay...
Now, over here on the right,
that red brick house next to Alan
Ladd's
is the home of Miss Ava Gardner.
Ava Gardner!
Look, you can see the laundry on the
line.
I read all about her in a movie
magazine.
They say she just bought
scads of new clothes when she was in
Rome.
-If you look at the backyard, -Did
she?
...there you can see...
And her favorite type
...the swimming pool...
of clothes are evening gowns
and plain, black slacks.
and the tennis courts and...
And I understand that
she wears nothing but black lace
lingerie.
What are you doing?
What's the matter with you?
Well, since you seem to know so much
about it,
I thought maybe you would like to
take over.
Well! Here.
Honestly.
(whispering)
Well, I don't see why.
And up the street there, that old
English house,
I haven't ladies and got
anything gentlemen,
to say to that, do I?
...that is the home of Miss Joan
Crawford.
Joan Crawford!
(bus engine starting)
That, uh, ranch-type home on the
left,
ladies and gentlemen,
belongs to Betty Grable and Harry
James.
Oh!
It's a beautiful house.
Oh, look at that.
And over here--
there's a beautiful home over there
by that high wall
you can see there--
that is the home of Mr. Richard
Widmark.
Richard Widmark!
Uh, I'd like you to know
that my husband is having lunch with
Richard Widmark
right this minute at Romanoff's.
No!
Wait till I tell Lana about that at
dinner tonight.
Now, listen, you...
Now, Lucy, don't start anything.
I was just trying to give them
an interesting bit of information.
He is having lunch at Romanoff's
right this minute with Mr. Richard
Widmark.
Isn't that a beautiful house?
Isn't that Yes.
something?
I knew he'd have a house...
Oh, look!
There's grapefruit growing right out
there in his backyard.
See over that wall?
Yeah.
Grapefruit. Gee, I'd love to have
a Richard Widmark grapefruit
to go with my Robert Taylor orange.
What a fruit salad that'd make!
Yeah.
The next area we're about to enter,
ladies and gentlemen...
Uh, driver...
Yes?
Driver,
I'd like to get off the bus, please.
No, no, I can't do that, madam.
I've a schedule to keep.
I just want to pick a grapefruit.
Look, this may come as a shock to
you,
but you can buy one in the corner
market.
Oh, you are humorous.
Open the door, please.
Come on, Ethel.
Just a minute, lady.
If you go through that door,
it's your own responsibility.
Well, will you at least wait for us?
Go ahead.
Try me.
(falsetto): "Go ahead. Try me."
Come on, we'll take a cab back.
Gee, I didn't think he'd really leave
us, did you?
Oh, I don't care.
I'm glad he did.
Well, let your grapefruit and let's
get out of here.
Gee, this wall is higher than I
thought.
Here. Give me a step up.
Yeah. A step up?
You know, you know how they do it
like this.
You gonna climb the wall?
Well, sure.
Nothing.
Okay.
Come on, go like this now.
All right.
Okay. Now hold on.
You ready?
Yeah.
One, two, three!
(grunting)
Come on, Ethel, I'm close.
Want your other one on it?
Yeah. Okay, now...
You all right?
Is there any more there?
One more.
Whoo!
Did you make it?
Yeah.
Okay.
Hee-hee-hee.
Hee-hee-hee.
Can you get one?
Sure. Oh, boy, are they beauties.
Here's one.
Can you get that one?
Yeah.
Oh, it's not...
(screaming)
Lucy!
Sheesh!
Lucy, are you all right?
Yeah.
I got one!
Come on now, let's get out of here.
Okay. Just a minute.
Come on.
Oh... Ethel.
You should see it back here.
Gee, is it beautiful.
There's a swimming pool
and a tennis court
and a barbecue pit
and a doghouse.
(dog growling)
And a dog!
(dog barking ferociously)
Lucy, come on!
Ethel...
Come on! Come on!
Get out of here, buster! Go on!
Stop it! Now cut it out.
The biggest dog you have ever seen.
I guess he just wants to play, but...
(growling)
Stay away.
Now cut it out. Please, oh...!
Lucy?
Lucy, what happened?
(dog barking)
Go...
Go away now. Go on!
Come on! Come on!
Oh, no! He's got my shoe.
Oh, Lucy, those are your good shoes.
Is he chewing it up?
No, but he swallowed it whole.
Oh, no.
Come on now. Come on.
Ooh. Oh, no, no! Cut it out!
(barking)
No, wait!
(barking)
Oh, please.
Ethel?
Yeah?
Ethel, there's no way to get back
over this wall.
(gasps)
Lucy, what are you gonna do?
Well, now wait a minute, wait a
minute.
My gosh, it's walled all around.
There's no way out.
Oh...
For heaven's sake.
Oh, listen.
Yeah?
Listen.
Huh?
The back door is open, and I'll sneak
in
and I'll sneak through the house and
get out the front.
You wait for me out there.
Oh, you can't do that.
It's the only way.
Now go-go on!
(barking incessantly)
(yelling)
(phone ringing)
WOMAN: I'm coming!
I'm coming.
Mr. Widmark's residence.
Oh, hi.
No, I'm not busy.
Mr. Widmark's off to the studio and
I've got nothing to do.
What's new?
No kidding?
You really broke up with him?
Tell me all about it.
Oh.
Really?
You don't mean it.
Oh.
Oh, Fred. Oh, thank goodness you're
home.
Listen, I'm in Beverly Hills, and
Lucy's in an awful mess.
Never mind "what else is new."
Now, listen, we got off of the bus
in front of Richard Widmark's house
because Lucy wanted to pick a
grapefruit
that was growing in his backyard.
So, she got up on the wall and she
tried to get it
and she fell over the other side
and then she told me that she
couldn't get out.
So, she said for me to go around and
wait in front
and that she would go through the
house and meet me out there
and I've been standing out there for
an hour
and she never did come out...
Stop saying, "Madam, you've got the
wrong number!"
Now, this-this is the worst part.
Richard Widmark just drove by here
and he had Ricky in the car with him
and we've got to get Lucy out of
there.
Now, I've got a plan.
Oh.
Oh, really?
You don't mean it.
Oh.
Uh, say, listen, Mr. Widmark just
drove up.
I've got to go now.
Good-bye.
RICHARD: Come on in, Rick.
RICKY: Hey, this is a lovely house.
RICHARD: Uh, we sort of like it.
We've lived here for quite a long
time now.
From the hallway here, you can see
the living room.
RICKY: Oh, yes, yes.
RICHARD: Just beyond that is the
dining room
and a little breakfast room.
RICKY: Uh-huh.
And, uh, right in here is the trophy
room.
Oh, this is nice.
Come on, I'll show you the pool.
RICKY: Okay. I'd love to see the
backyard.
Now, there's the pool right over
there.
Oh, isn't that nice?
Over there to the left, that's the
tennis court.
Oh, yeah. You play a lot of tennis?
Oh, not too much. I'm getting a
little old for that.
RICKY: I'm taking up golf, yeah.
RICHARD: Oh, I like golf better.
Easier, easier.
I got some fruit trees in the back
there, too.
(dog barking)
Uh-huh.
Got some oranges and lemons.
Hello there, Cap.
How are you?
Oh, isn't he a beautiful dog!
Been a good boy?
Yeah, he's a big one.
Yes, this room is really my favorite.
Well, I don't blame you.
This is really something.
Say, I didn't know that you were
interested in big game hunting.
Oh, yeah. I got started on it
when I was on location in Africa.
Oh, yeah.
I got that water buffalo here.
Isn't that beautiful?
You know, I had an uncle who combed
his hair just like that.
(laughing)
Say, Rick, did you ever shoot a gun?
Well, I won a Kewpie doll at Coney
Island once.
Well, I was hoping to get some
shooting in
last summer in Germany.
I made a picture there called A Prize
Of Gold,
but I was too busy.
Oh, yeah, you know, a lot of people
told me that
that's a great picture.
Well, it's nice to know that
people are saying something about it
anyway.
Hey, you see those two heads there?
What are those?
Those are boars' heads.
Wow!
Got those down at Borneo.
Look at those teeth.
Yeah. Aren't they something, though?
Mm-hmm.
You seen your dentist lately?
A couple of years ago, I was over in
India
Uh-huh.
and I got this tiger.
Oh, yeah.
What do you think of this?
RICHARD: I don't know what he's
laughing at.
What are those over there?
Oh, hose are giant sable antelope
antlers.
They're sharp.
Say, Ricky...
Ricky, I've been meaning to ask you:
These stories I've been hearing about
your wife, are they true?
RICKY: Oh, yeah.
I mean, did she really throw a pie at
Bill Holden?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
She did, huh?
Yeah, I've been waiting for you to
ask me that.
You were?
Um... you know that story about her
throwing a pie at Holden at the Brown
Derby?
RICHARD: Yeah, that's the one I
heard.
And also that thing about she
sneaking
into Cornel Wilde's room...
Yeah, I heard about it.
That's true.
And then she met Taylor
at the Farmer's Market one day
and she asked him to sign his orange.
I heard rumors about that.
I'll tell you...
You know something?
She's a very nice girl,
but, uh, it's just that something
happens to her
when she gets close to a movie star.
Yeah, I got you.
I got you.
As a matter of fact,
she wanted to join us in our luncheon
today.
What?
No, don't worry about it.
She's not within ten miles of here.
Well, that's good.
From the way she sounds,
I might end up with another head on
my wall.
Listen, Ricky.
Yeah?
Have you ever seen a real elephant
gun?
No.
Well, take a look at this.
Oh.
I got this about five years ago down
in Nairobi.
RICKY: Isn't that a beautiful thing?
That's got a kick like ten...
(jabbering)
All right, Cap, I'll take it from
here.
Please, put that...
Well...
Is, uh, this, uh...?
The pie-thrower herself, yes.
How are you?
Please, I can explain. It's all very
normal and natural.
I-I can tell you just how it
happened,
but put that down first, please.
Huh?
Well, now, I don't know about that.
It'd be such a public service to
Hollywood.
Yeah. You might even get a special
Oscar.
Ricky!
Thank you. Go ahead.
No, no, no, please! Please!
I can explain.
All right, go ahead.
Go ahead.
Explain?
Yeah, go ahead and explain.
Well...
Sit down, Cap. You might as well
listen to this.
Oh, you wouldn't believe it anyway.
Go ahead and shoot.
No, now, fellas!
Well... look, it-it was this way.
Uh, the whole thing wouldn't have
happened if I hadn't...
hadn't got trapped inside your wall.
Mm-hmm.
There's no way out of there.
No.
You'll be very happy to know
that you're very well-protected, sir.
Oh, thank you.
Isn't nice to know?
Oh, yeah.
And I... and I...
Oh, by the way, I have a grapefruit
I'd like you to autograph.
May I?
Be my guest.
Thank you.
No! Now, Ricky!
You see, Mr. Widmark,
uh, Ricky was going to have lunch
with you
and he wouldn't let me come along,
so Ethel and I took one of those bus
tours
that goes all around the movie stars'
home...
RICKY: Ethel...
Ethel is a girlfriend.
Yes.
Oh, I see.
A girlfriend from New York,
and we went all around the movie
stars' homes
and we went past your house and-and,
uh,
we saw the grapefruit growing out
over the wall...
So I-I-I sneaked through the house
and I was intending to get out the
front
and you came in, and-and I ran in
here
and I tried to hide and that's all
there is to it.
Well?
Well, it sort of makes sense
in a crazy mixed-up way.
Oh, that's, that's the trouble with
her.
It is?
Yeah.
Uh, pardon me, Mr. Widmark,
there's some people here from the
mental hospital.
A mental hospital?
Oh, there you are, Miss Bell!
(Fred muttering)
There you are, dear.
No, no...
We'll take you right back...
All right, all right, everybody, hold
it!
Oh, you don't understand.
This woman's very dangerous.
Yes.
Yeah, I know that.
I've known that for a long time.
She's very dangerous, yes,
and he knows that she is my wife.
Oh. Oh.
Fred, Ethel, I'd like you to meet
someone, Mr....
How do you do?
Oh, how...
That's all right, Richard.
These are my next-door neighbors.
Hello.
Hi. How do you do?
Well, how convenient for you, Ricky,
to live next door to a mental
hospital.
Oh, no, now, these are just costumes.
We wanted to get Lucy out of here
before you found out she was Ricky's
wife.
Oh, I see.
RICKY: Isn't that simple?
Yes, very simple.
Ricky, uh, you must lead a very
interesting life.
Yes, yeah, yeah, it's got its
moments, yeah.
Well, I'll tell you, Dick,
the way I look at it is this way:
You know, everybody has a problem.
Mm-hmm.
You know, there are some people
that have financial problems...
Yeah.
...and then there are people
that have health problems.
Yeah.
Everybody has something, you know?
Got you.
Well...
RICKY: there it is.
It's my problem.
RICKY: But I love her.
Oh, honey!
(laughing)
Isn't he wonderful?
Amazing.
Oh, would you autograph my
grapefruit, please?
(clearing throat)
Yes, ma'am.
Thank you.
ANNOUNCER: Next week I Love Lucy will
be brought to you by
Lilt Home Permanents.
("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)
The driver was Benny Rubin, the maid
was Juney Ellis,
the women on the bus were Barbara
Pepper and Audrey Betz
and Richard Widmark portrayed
himself.
I Love Lucy is a Desilu Production.
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz
will be back next week at this same
time.