I Love Lucy (1951–1957): Season 4, Episode 25 - The Star Upstairs - full transcript

("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)

Hi.
Hi, girl.

I just saw your mother and Little
Ricky

on the way to the park again.

Isn't that wonderful?

They can go outside every day in
California.

What are you doing?

Writing in my trip diary.

Let's see now.

"Friday, we went to Farmers Market.

Saw Robert Taylor squeezing oranges."



Yeah, some oranges have all the luck.

Wait till the girls back home see the
orange I have

that Robert Taylor touched.

And you've got his autograph to prove
it.

Yeah. Wasn't he cute when he said

he'd never signed an orange before?

(laughing)

Too bad you didn't get him

to autograph something more
permanent.

You'll have to throw that orange away
eventually.

Never. That orange and I

are going to grow old and wrinkled
together.

How many movie stars does that make
we've seen?

Well, let's see now.



I got them all right back here.

Eighty-four...

Ninety-nine!

We just need one more to make a
hundred.

Oh, hi, Ethel.

ETHEL: Hi, Rick.

Hey, Lucy.

Listen to this item in Sheila
Graham's column.

"A well-known star has been ordered
by the doctor

"to get away from it all

"and has taken a room at one of our
local hotels.

"I wouldn't give away the secret
hiding place,

but the hotel's first name is
Beverly."

Beverly! I'll bet that movie star's

hiding right here at the Beverly
Palms.

Or the Beverly Hills Hotel

Let's see now.

Well-known star.

I wonder who it is.

I just got to find out.

Why is it such a matter of life and
death?

Because we've already found 99 movie
stars

since we came to Hollywood.

We need one more to make an even
hundred.

(doorbell buzzing)

Oh, hi, Bobby.

Hi, Mrs. Ricardo.

Oh, Mr. Ricardo, I brought up the
trade papers.

You got a mention today.

Variety, page eight, column three. I
circled it.

Thank you.

Well, I'll say that's real service.

Oh, I'm always looking for items
about guests here in the hotel.

Oh, say Bobby, I'll bet you'd know.

What's that?

About that item in Sheila Graham's
column.

Is some movie star hiding out in this
hotel?

Um, um... I don't know anything about
it.

Not much you don't.

No, honest, I haven't the slightest
idea

who's up in the penthouse.

The penthouse!
I was right.

Who is it, Bobby?
Who is it?

No, no, I've said too much already.

Aw, come on now, Bobby.

All we want to know is, is it a man
or woman?

Aw, come on, Bobby.
You can trust us.

We're your friends.

Yeah. Come on.

All we want to know is, is it a man
or a woman?

Now, the manager's not allowed us to
discuss him.

Then it's a man!

What's his name?

Bobby, what's his name?

Oh, come on, Bobby.

Mr. Ricardo, help!

All right. All right, girls.

Help!

All right, girls.
Lay off of him.

Why don't you pick on somebody your
own size?

Yeah!

LUCY: All we want to know is the
name.

For heaven's sake, what's wrong with
that?

Don't you tell them anything that
you're not supposed to.

I won't.

Come on, I'll convoy you to the door.

Thank you, Mr. Ricardo.

If anybody finds out that Cornel
Wilde is...

Cornel Wilde!

Right here in our hotel.

Yeah!

Oh, well, I can always get a job

at the new Beverly Hilton.

Oh, don't worry, Bobby, your secret's
safe with us.

LUCY: Sure, sure. Yeah, I
bet.

Good-bye.
Good-bye, Bobby.

Cornel Wilde, right up there in that
penthouse.

Boy!

All we have to do now is figure out
how to get a look at him.

Wup-up-up-up-up.

What are you wup-up-upping about?

Now, we're gonna nip this thing in
the bud right now.

Cornel Wilde came here

to get away from people, remember?

I don't want to bother him.

All I want to do is see him.

Oh well, that I can arrange.

You can?
Sure.

Oh, you know him from the studio.

Will you really arrange so I can see
him?

Sure. Tonight we'll go see his new
picture The Big Combo.

Got wonderful reviews.

Oh... you know what I mean.

I want to see him up close.

All right, we'll sit in the front
row.

Oh, Ricky, now, you can't do this to
me.

One of the biggest movie stars in
Hollywood

is right over my head, under my nose.

Now, look, Lucy, I've got a message
for you.

Well, slip it under the door.

I'll read it later.

I'm telling you, I want you to forget
that he's up there.

Forget it?
But Ricky, why should...

But...

Yeah, but...

Hi.

What are you doing?

Trying to hear Cornel Wilde up there.

Oh, any luck?

No. If he's walking around,

he's wearing bunny fur scuffies.

I got another idea cooking, though.

I'll bet you have.

I told Bobby to bring some ice water
up here.

When he gets up here,
Lucy...

I'm going to ask him if he could
possibly

Lucy...
tell me just when

Lucille!
he goes in and out...

What?!

I hate to point this out,

but Ricky told you to just forget

that Cornel Wilde is up there.

Well, for once in my life,

I'm not gonna do what Ricky tells me.

For once in your life!?

You never do what he tells you.

So why spoil a perfect record?

(doorbell buzzing)

Oh, I can't keep up with you.

Here's your ice water.

Won't you bring it in, Bobby?

Would you set it on the coffee table,
please?

Bobby...

Miss Ricardo, I'm pretty busy.

Bobby, I just want to ask a little
favor of you.

The answer is no.

Bobby, all I want to know is when he
goes in or out

so I can take a little peek at him.

He doesn't come in; he doesn't go
out.

He just stays there.

Oh...

Look, please let me go.

I got to take this up to you-know-who
right now.

Why don't you give up, Lucy?

Because I just got to see him.

Well, I'm sorry, Mrs. Ricardo,

but the only person who's allowed in
to see him is me.

Now, he came here for a rest.

And the manager says if there are any
calls from....

that I am to...

Oh, no! Not that!

Let me borrow your outfit, Bobby.

Absolutely not!

Bobby, all I want to do is take the
paper up,

rap on the door.

When he opens the door, I'll hand him
the paper

and I'll take a little look and I'll
slam the door

and he'll never know the difference.

Absolutely impossible.

Bobby... Bobby, I'd hate to have to
tell the manager

that you were the one who blabbed all
over town

that Cornel Wilde was there.

You wouldn't!

Oh, wouldn't I?

(screaming): Bobby told everybody

that Cornel Wilde was in the
penthouse!

Mrs. Ricardo...
Cornel Wilde!

Corn...

Mrs. Ricardo... please!

Gosh!

How can anybody look so pretty on the
outside

and be so sneaky on the inside?

Isn't it awful?

It's like smelling a rose, getting
stung by a bee.

Bobby, let me borrow your outfit.

No, ma'am.

Bobby.
No, Mrs...

Bobby.

Mrs. Ricardo, please!

(singing quietly)

(humming)

Turn around, fire...

Be quick on the draw

Or else one shot, there ain't no
more...

(shower running)

(humming)

(doorbell buzzing)

Come on in! The door's open.

Bellboy.

Come in.

Bobby?

Yes, sir?

Oh, you got the paper?

Yes, sir.

Oh, good.
Well, uh, bring it in.

I want to have something to read in
the bathtub.

Come on, Bobby, let's have it.

What's the matter with you?

I can't reach it from the bathtub.

Bring it in.

(splash)

Hey!

(doorbell buzzing)

Come in!

Mrs. Ricardo?

Yeah, Bobby?

Oh, here's your broom.

Oh. Thanks.

I need it for an extension.

This thing doesn't reach far enough
for me to see him.

Thanks.

Uh, Mrs. Ricardo...

Huh?

Could I ask you something?

Sure.

Why do you hate me?

I don't hate you.

Then why are you trying to get me
fired?

Mr. Wilde doesn't like his newspaper
wet.

I am not trying to get you fired,
Bobby.

It's just that I want to see him.

Well, just keep me out of it.

Whose lunch is that?

Uh, nobody's.

Bobby...

Honestly, honestly, it's a practice
meal.

I'm gonna eat it myself.

(doorbell buzzing)

Come on in.

Mr. Wilde, I brought up your lunch
and a fresh newspaper.

That's good.
This one's so wet,

you can read one page right through
the other.

Yeah, well, I'm sorry about that.

For a minute I thought

President Eisenhower was playing golf
with Little Orphan Annie.

(chuckling)

Uh, where would you like the table
set, sir?

Oh, I guess over here's fine.

All right.

There we are.

Oh, uh, anything else, sir?

Uh, oh, no, thank you.

I'll just sign that now.

Yes, sir.

I put your tip on there too, Bobby.

Oh, thank you, sir. Thank you.

(doorbell buzzing)

Come in.

Uh, Mr. Wilde, you, uh, finished with
your lunch?

Yep. All set, thank you.

Okay. All right.

Ow!

What's the matter, Bobby?

Oh, sometimes the wheels stick

and you sort of get it in the shin.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Sorry, sir, I'm very clumsy today.

Bobby.

Yes, sir.

I seem to be all out of ink.

Do you know where there's any more
around here?

Oh, there should be some in the desk.
Let's see.

There you are, sir.

Oh, thank you very much.

Uh-huh. Anything else?

No, fine. That's all.
Thank you.

Okay, sir.

Now, what's the matter?

Oh...

The wheels seem to be caught on the
furniture.

I'll, I'll fix it, sir.

LUCY: Ouch! That hurt.

Well, I meant it to!

Bobby!

Now, what's going on?

Uh, well... uh, nothing, sir.
Nothing.

I... I'm just talking to myself.

I do it all the time.

My mother worries about me.

Yeah, but I...

I heard two different voices.

Well, there couldn't have been two
voices

when I'm the only one here, see?

Oh, I get it.

Well, I never expected it of you,
Bobby.

What?

Trying to audition.

Well, I guess everybody wants into
show business.

Where did you ever learn
ventriloquism?

Ventriloquism?

Why, I don't know the...

Oh, ventriloquism!

Oh, yeah. Well, I don't do it very
well.

Oh, what I heard sounded darn good.

Sounded just like a voice coming from
under the cart.

Well, that's not too hard.

Do it again.

No, I'd rather not.

Oh, come on.
Go ahead.

LUCY: Yeah. Go ahead, Bobby, do it
again.

Bobby, that's absolutely marvelous.

I didn't even see your lips move.

Well, it takes practice.

Yeah, I've got to go now.

Oh, no, don't go.
Do some more.

No, don't go, Bobby.
Do some more.

Ah, I saw your lips move that time.

Well, I've really got to go now.

Go ahead and go, but leave me here.

Bobby, that's, that's fantastic.

You're the best ventriloquist I've
ever seen.

Thank you.

Warm.

Uh, can I have a sip of your water?

Oh, sure. Go ahead.

LUCY: When Irish eyes are smiling...

Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay...

Well, Bobby, wonderful.

Absolutely wonderful.

Bobby, I'm gonna call my agent and
tell him about you.

Well, I wouldn't want you to go to
too much trouble.

It's no trouble at all.

I'll be doing him a favor.
You're sensational.

BOBBY: Well, if he is interested, he
could call me here

at the, at the hotel.

Okay, I'll have him call you here.

Okay, thank you, sir.

Hey, Bobby.

Yes, sir?

Just do that little voice for me

once more, will you?

Okay.

(clearing throat)

We have to go now.

Say good-bye.

(animated voice): Bye. We have to go
now.

Bobby, it's absolutely incredible.

I-I could have sworn

your voice was coming from behind the
couch.

Yeah.

I can't believe it.

I've got to hand it to you, Bobby.

I'm certainly gonna tell my agent.

Yeah, well, well, thank you, sir.

LUCY: Thank you, sir.

(chuckling)

Oh, wonderful.

Uh, I won't forget to tell him,
Bobby.

No, no, I thank you. I know.

Well, good-bye.

Bye.

(sighing)

(humming)

Lucy?

Lucy?

LUCY (whispering): Ethel?

Ethel, are you down there?

Lucy? Where are you?

I'm up here.

What are you doing up there?!

Shh! I'm locked out on the balcony.

Locked out on the balcony?

Shh! Be quiet.

I'll explain later.

Is Ricky there?

No.

Good. I want you to help me down.

Help you down?

Yeah. I figured a way to lower myself
over the side

and I want you to pull me in when I
go by.

I won't do it.

It's a long ways down there.
You might fall.

Never mind that.

Now, do as I say.

I need some scissors.

Put it on the end of that broom.

What broom?

It's over by the coffee table.

Where are the scissors?

In that desk.

The broom...

Shoot.

I ought to be used to this type
thing.

Here they come.

Okay.

Here I come.

Honey, I'm home.

Hi, Rick!

Oh, hi, Ethel. Where's Lucy?

Uh, I don't know.

Oh, she's probably hanging around the
hotel somewhere.

You can say that again.

Uh, what's new, Rick?

What's the matter with you, Ethel?

Oh, nothing.

If-if Lucy isn't here, I...

I'd like to listen to what's happened
to you

because you've been so nice to me,
Ricky.

I wouldn't even be in California

if it wasn't for you and your career.

That's true. Yeah.

(stammering): Rick, I...

Would you like to know about a new
cake

I've learned how to bake?

You-you take a half a cup of butter
for this cake

and you cream it.

And then...
and then you...

Ethel!

Oh, then you add the frosting!

What's the matter with you, Ethel?

Are you crazy or something?

No, no, no. Well, I got to go now.

I hate to eat and run.

We didn't eat.

Well, some other time.

Where are you going?

Oh, I got to pick up a friend.

(laughing nervously)

(phone ringing)

I'm telling you. Hmm.

Hello.

Oh, hi, Cornel.

Yeah. I thought you were hiding out.

Sure. I'd love to play some gin.

Okay. I'll come up.

Okay.

Oh! Oh, Lucy, you're here!

Oh, thank goodness.
I've been looking

all over the grounds for you.

Are you all right?

(mumbling)

Oh, poor little thing.

What broke your fall?

One of the...

most uncomfortable palm trees in
California.

Well, bless its little heart.

Yeah. Well...

(phone ringing)

(groaning)

Hello?

Hi, honey. This is Ricky.

Oh, hi.

Hey, Ricky?
Just a minute.

You want some cream in your coffee?

No, just black.
All right.

Listen, honey, I'm up in Cornel
Wilde's apartment.

You're what?

I'm up in Cornel Wilde's apartment

and I want you to come up and meet
him.

Are you sure this is Ricky?

Yes, honey.

You see, you were so nice about...
about not bothering him

that I want to give you a reward.

Oh.

Now, you see how well things work out

when you do what I tell you?

Yes, sir.

Well, you want to come up?

Oh, yes. Yes, I... Yes, sir.

Uh, uh... I'll be right up as soon as
I... powder my nose.

Bye.

What happened?

Ricky's with Cornel Wilde and he
wants me to come up.

At last you're gonna get to meet him
face-to-face!

Finally.
You want to come with me?

Can I?

Sure. H-H-Help me g-g-get de-palmed,
will you?

Okay.

Do I look all right?

Oh, you look wonderful.

Hey, what took you so long?

Oh, well, I... I had to...
to change my clothes,

but I'm ready now. Come on.

It's too late now. He's gone.

Gone? Where?

He moved to another hotel.

Why?

I don't know. I guess the news of him
being here leaked out.

We just found evidence of a prowler
in his balcony.

Ew...

ANNOUNCER: Next week, I Love Lucy
will be brought to you by

Lilt Home Permanents.

("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)

The bellboy was played by Bobby
Jellison

and Cornel Wilde portrayed himself.

I Love Lucy is a Desilu Production.

Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz

will be back next week at this same
time.