I Love Lucy (1951–1957): Season 4, Episode 24 - Mr. and Mrs. T.V. Show - full transcript

Phipps Department Store offers Ricky a job as a morning TV show host, but only if it includes Lucy as well.

("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)

Hi.

Hi, honey.
How was the luncheon?

Ethel, it was absolutely fabulous.

Carol and I went to 21 for lunch.

(gasps)
How's the baby?

Oh, he's fine.
He's asleep.

Wait till you hear what happened.

Ricky will just die when he hears.

So what happened?

When we went in, it was so crowded,



we sat with some friends of
Carolyn's,

and who do you think the man turned
out to be?

Who?
Harvey Cromwell.

Harvey Cromwell!

Yes!

Who's he?

Oh, Ethel, don't you know anything?

He's Cromwell, of Cromwell, Thatcher
and Waterbury.

They're just about the biggest
advertising agency

in the country, that's all.

No kidding?

Yes, and while we were having lunch,

Mr. Cromwell just happened to mention
that

his agency was looking for



a new TV personality to build a whole
show around.

So, naturally, I brought up Ricky's
name.

Naturally.

I was very subtle.

Oh, I can imagine-- like a garlic
sandwich.

Now, Ethel, I wasn't.

I have an appointment for Ricky

to see Mr. Cromwell tomorrow morning.

No kidding!

I have.
(gasps)

Gee, Ethel, this will mean a whole
new career for Ricky,

and it'll all be because of me.

Oh, Ricky will help a little.

Oh, of course.
He's very talented,

but you know what they say--

behind every great man there's a
great woman.

Mamie Eisenhower-- we're all back
there.

Well, if it gets dull back there,

you can always start a bridge game.

Oh, Ethel, we're all behind our
husbands,

guiding their destinies.

We're puppeteers behind the scenes,
pulling the strings.

Well, here's Howdy Doody now.

Hi, doll!

Hello, honey!

Wait till you hear what I did today.

It may change our whole life.

What you do?

I went to lunch at 21.

No!

I went to lunch with a certain man.

Well, I hope you two will be very
happy.

All right, if you don't want to hear
it, I won't tell you.

I won't tell you what big agency man
wants to build

a whole TV show around you.

Say, honey, what you do today?

Well, that's better.

You said you had lunch at 21 with a
certain man?

Yes, and he's a big agency man

and he has a sponsor who's looking
for a show.

No kidding?

Yes, and I told him all about you

and I said that you had some
wonderful ideas for shows

and he wants to see you tomorrow
morning.

Why, honey, that's wonderful!

Isn't that great?

Thank you.

Tomorrow morning!
Yeah.

Boy, I'd better have some good ideas
when I go to see him.

Yeah.

Let me see now...
what would be good?

Yeah, what would be good for us?

Yeah, what would be good...?

Us?

Yeah, us, as in we.

We?

Yes, we, as in you and me?

No.

No?

Yes, no-- as in not you.

Aw, now, Ricky, that isn't fair.

I started this whole thing.

It's my chance to go coast to coast.

Now, look, honey, I love this
country.

It's been very good to me.

I wouldn't think of doing a thing
like that

to my fellow citizens.

Well, all right, then.

I think I get the full import of
that.

I don't have to have a brick wall
fall on me.

I can take a hint.

Hint?

Oh, shut up.

You may be interested to know, sir,

that I wouldn't be on your program
now

if you begged me!

Well, that's a very sensible
attitude.

Now, who's this man I'm supposed to
see?

Lucy, what's the name of the man?

Man? What man?

Aw, come now!
You can't do that to me.

You wouldn't ruin my chance.

Why not? You're ruining mine.

Oh, now, Lucy, that's not fair.

I'll thank you if you'd keep out of
this.

Well, I won't let you do it.

Ricky, I'll tell you his name.

Traitor.

Ethel, what's his name?

Well...

Actually, Ethel,

you know, we don't need Ricky.

We could build a show

around you and Fred and me.

Ethel, what's his name?

It's...

Isn't that funny?
I forgot.

Well, it doesn't matter, anyway.

I know those agency guys.

He was just probably talking.

Oh, no, he wasn't.

He has a sponsor and the time all
cleared.

Sure, sure.

Well, he has, and he's a very big
man.

Big man!

He's probably been saving all month

just so he could go to 21 for lunch
once.

Probably an office boy.

Office boy!

That's a fine thing to call Ha...

Oh, no, you don't.

Oh, no, you see what he's trying to
do?

He thinks he's so smart,

trying to trick me into saying Harvey
Cromwell.

Ow!

Harvey Cromwell!

Boy, I'll say he's a big man.

Thank you, honey.

I'll see him first thing in the
morning.

Harvey Cromwell!

I've given the green light on this
project,

so let's get right at it.

Let's take it right over tackle

and remember, the game isn't over
until the last out.

Mr. Cromwell...

Yes, Mr. Taylor?

Mr. Ricardo is here to see you.

Send him in.

Yes, sir.

You may come in now.

Thank you, Mr. Taylor.

Hello, Mr. Cromwell.

Oh, hello, Mr. Ricardo.

It's very kind of you to see me, sir.

It's my pleasure.
Thank you.

Now, we need a show for the Phipps
Department Store,

and our problem is: What kind of a
show?

Well, I...

Uh, sit down, sit down, Taylor.

Let's get as much brain matter

on this as possible.

Sit down, Ricardo.
Thank you.

Well, I had an idea...

I'll take the bull by the horns

before any more water passes under
the bridge.

Everybody think.

Well, I made a pilot...

Shh, Ricardo!

Think!

Now I'm just thinking out loud.

This is right off the top of my head,

but try this on for size.

Now, the sponsor wants to appeal

to the women in the audience, right?

I'll buy that.

So, how about one of those
husband-and-wife TV shows?

No, no.

Oh, it's close, very close.

There's a lot of good stuff there,

but it won't quite wash.

No, no, no, it won't boil the water.

Think!

I've got it!

What?

A Mr. and Mrs. TV show!

You mean a husband-and-wife show?

That's just what you...
Oh, what an idea, H.C.!

Thank you.

But that's your...

Oh, that idea is sheer genius.

Thank you, thank you.

Now, Ricardo, you and your wife

be ready to start rehearsal at a
moment's notice.

Well, Mr. Cromwell, I'm afraid
that...

What's the matter, you're married,
aren't you?

Yes, sir, but, uh, you don't...

A charming wife.
I met her yesterday.

She thinks she's very talented.

Yes, sir, that's just the point...

Now, look, here, Ricardo!

I'm a very busy man.

We've got the train on the track.

Let's not fumble the ball.

It's a husband-and-wife show or
nothing.

Well, if you'd just give me a chance
to explain.

Taylor, find out if Cugat is
available.

(yelling): Ya-ya-ya-yi!

I'll do it.

Good boy!

Now, I can count on you and your
wife?

Yes, sir, you can count on us.

Thank you very much, Mr. Cromwell.

Thank you, Mr. Taylor.

Mr. Ricardo.

And don't worry, sir, we'll, uh...

we'll boil the water

before it passes under the bridge

that the train track is on.

(raspy-voiced): Every star above
knows the one I love

Sweet Sue

It's you...

Hi!

Hello.

Uh... I saw Mr. Cromwell.

Don't you want to know how the
interview went?

No, I'm not particularly interested.

Oh.

Well, um...

you know about that television show.

I've been thinking it over and, uh...

there's something I'd like to ask
you.

Yes?

Well, I thought it might be...

Well, how would you like it if...

Let me put it this way:

It-it... it might be a...

Nothing.

(phone ringing)

Hello.

RICKY: I'd like to speak to Mr.
Taylor, please.

This is Taylor.

Mr. Taylor, this is Ricky Ricardo.

I just can't...

Ricardo! I'm glad you called.

H.C. has taken the bull by the horns

and he's got the train on the track.

Is that good?

"Is that good?"

We're moving, man.

The time's been cleared, the
sponsor's all signed up

and we go on the air day after
tomorrow

at 8:00 a.m.
from your apartment.

Yeah, but listen, uh...

And wait until you hear the title
H.C. has come up with.

"Breakfast with Ricky and Lucy."

Well, that's great, all right, but,
uh...

This is going to be one of the
biggest

television programs to hit town in
years!

Tell your wife to be ready for
rehearsals tomorrow morning.

Well, all right.

(off-key): Every star above

Knows the one I love

Sweet Sue

It's you.

And the moon on high

Knows the reason why

Sweet Sue

It's you.

No one else it seems

Ever shares my dreams

And without you, dear, I don't...

That voice-- where is it coming from?

Huh?

That voice-- where is it coming from?

What station is it on?

That wasn't the radio.

It wasn't?

Well, where is that beautiful voice
coming from?

From this untalented throat.

That was you singing?

Yes.

What are you trying to do?

Nothing. I just don't believe it,
that's all.

Go ahead, sing some more.

What for?

Because I don't believe it.
It was beautiful.

It couldn't have been you singing.

Go ahead, sing some more.

(raspy-voiced): Every star above
knows the one I love

Sweet Sue

It's you.

Wonderful, wonderful!

And the moon on high

Knows the reason why

Sweet Sue

It's you.

Sing it, honey, sing it!

No one else it seems

Ever looks in my dreams

And without you, dear, I don't know
what I'd do.

What grace, what rhythm.

I didn't know you could dance that
way!

Sure!

And in this heart of mine

You live all the time

Sweet Sue

It's you.

Bravo!

Wonderful, wonderful!

Gee, did-did you really like it?

Like it? Honey, the talent, I...

Well, I'll tell you what we got to
do.

There's just one thing that we have
to do.

You have to be on that television
show with me.

Really?
You really mean it?

Yes, I certainly do.

I'm going to go right down to that
Mr. Cromwell's office

and I'm going to tell him.

It's either going to be

a husband-and-wife show or nothing!

What if he says no?

Honey, if he wants me, he'll have to
take both of us.

I'll go tell him right now.

In this heart of mine

Ah, you live all the time

Sweet Sue

It's you.

Okay, everybody, let's have another
rehearsal.

Are you all set, Mrs. Ricardo?

LUCY: All set.

Okay, we'll take it from the top.

Okay.

Phipps Department Store presents

"Breakfast with Ricky and Lucy."

Well, hello there!

I didn't see you come in.

Won't you join us for breakfast?

Lucy!

We have company!

Good morning, darling.

Good morning, sweetheart.

Would you like to say good morning

to our TV viewers?

Oh, whoo-hoo!
Good morning, everyone.

Did you sleep well, dear?

Oh, what a silly question.

I was sleeping on a Phipps Foam
Mattress.

A Phipps Foam Mattress rocks you to
sleep.

Ah...

Is breakfast ready?

Oh, yes, darling.

Thank you.

Waffles!

That's right, dear.

Mmm! It's delicious!

Of course, dear.

I got it from Phipps Fountain and Tea
Room.

Food always tastes better when they
fix it.

I don't know what they do to it.

Oh, girls!

Girls, I just want to tell you
something that happened to me.

It was so exciting yesterday.

I got out of bed feeling rather drab
and dull,

you know, sort of... ugh!

And then I went to Phipps, and I
found

the most adorable pair of shoes and
the dreamiest new dress

and I got the full treatment at
Phipps Beauty Salon.

Well, I just felt like a new woman.

If you'll excuse me,

I'd like to show you what Phipps did
for me.

Would you excuse me?

Excuse me, darling.

Certainly.

And while my lovely wife has gone to
change

to show you what Phipps did for her,

I'd like you to meet our lovable and
wonderful neighbors,

our very good friends, the Mertzes.

Fred and Ethel!

Good morning! Hello!

Good morning!

Hello out there in TV land.

And what have you two early birds
been up to?

We've been shopping.

Mm-hmm.

You have been shopping?

Yeah.

Where?

(tone plays on pitch pipe)

Oh... when we go on shopping trips

Where else would we go but Phipps?

From the top floor to the bottom

If it's bargains, Phipps has got them

Down at Phipps, your credit's great

Ask today for a Phipps-a-plate

First on your list of shopping tips

Put...

(off-key): P-P-P

P-h-i-p-p-s, Phipps.

P-P-P...

TAYLOR: Okay, that's great.

Did you like it?

Did I sound all right?

Oh, you sounded marvelous.

Well, I think that'll be enough
rehearsing for today.

Oh, aren't we going to do the rest of
it?

Oh, no. I don't want you to go stale.

Oh.
Mr. Cromwell likes it

to look unrehearsed, like you just
did.

Oh. Yeah.

Well, uh... look, I'm due down at the
club,

so I'll see you all later.

All right, darling.
Bye, honey.

Bye, dear.
Oh, uh, everybody back here

at 8:00 in the morning

and we'll have a dress rehearsal
before we go on the air.

Okay.
We'll be here.

Wasn't that fun?

Honey, I love the way you sounded.

Your harmony was great.
Thanks. Bye.

See you later, honey.

Bye, sweetheart,

Mr. Taylor, was the show really all
right?

Is it really gonna be good?

It looks great.

In my opinion, we're gonna have a
hit.

Oh, good.

Mr. Cromwell certainly had a good
idea here.

Mr. Cromwell?

This was Ricky's idea.

No, it was Mr. Cromwell's idea.

Are you sure?

Well, I was there when he thought of
it.

Really?

Yes.

As a matter of fact,

your husband didn't go for the idea.

But Mr. Cromwell said it would be

a Mr. And Mrs. Show or nothing.

Oh, he said that, did he?

Mm-hmm. Oh, well, we're all packed
up.

Is it all right if we leave

the equipment set up till tomorrow?

Mm-hmm.

Fine, thank you.
See you in the morning.

Oh, and...
don't be nervous.

You're going to be sensational.

Thank you.

Bye.

Bye.

(door shuts)

Oh!

(exasperated sigh)

It...

Oh, is Mr. Taylor gone?

I wanted to ask him if he thought
this dress

would look all right on television.

What do you think?

It's just perfect.

You'll look like a test pattern.

Well! What happened to you?

I'll tell you what happened to me.

Mr. Taylor just informed me

that doing a Mr. and Mrs. Show was
not Ricky's idea at all!

It wasn't?

No, it was Mr. Cromwell's idea

and Ricky tricked me because Mr.
Cromwell said

it was a Mr. and Mrs. Show or
nothing!

Ohh!

Well! That's the end of this show for
me!

I'm not going to do it.

Oh, now, Lucy, if you don't do it,

then none of us can be on it!

That's too bad.

But this is your big chance!

Are you going to muff it?

You can call me "Little Miss Muff
It"!

Now, Lucy, that doesn't sound like
you at all--

to quit, to walk out!

Gee, if you were planning on

going on the show and lousing it up,

I could understand that,

but I never heard you say

you were gonna quit before or walk
out...

Hey, hey, wait a minute, maybe you
got something there.

Now, Lucy... Lucy, what are you going
to do?

Maybe I won't want to be on the show.

Oh, I won't do anything on the show,

but I can give him a good scare at
dress rehearsal,

and then he can apologize to me
before I do the show.

TAYLOR: All right, everybody in their
places for dress rehearsal.

Okay.
Go right there.

Go behind the door there.
That's right.

RICKY: Dress rehearsal now.

Make it a real good one, eh?

Okay.

(whispering): It looks like we're
going to get away with it.

They really think this is only a
dress rehearsal.

Sure. I told you I was going to fool
them.

I set every clock in the house back
one hour,

Even the Mertzes clocks set back one
hour.

Oh, that's great.

They'll be so much more relaxed

if they don't know they're on the
air.

Sure.
Ooh, we're almost ready.

Good luck, Ricky.

Thank you.

Now listen, everybody,

I want to start our dress rehearsal
in just ten seconds.

You ready?
Yes.

I want you to go through the whole
thing from start to finish

without stopping, just like we were
on the air.

Don't stop for anything no matter
what happens.

No matter what happens?

No matter what happens.

Okay, here we go.

Phipps Department Store presents

"Breakfast with Ricky and Lucy."

Well, hello there!

I didn't see you come in.

Won't you join us for breakfast?

Lucy!

We have company!

Good morning, sweetheart.

Good morning, darling.

Wouldn't you like to say good morning

to our TV audience?

Ooh, whoo-hoo, good morning,
everyone!

How did you sleep, dear?

Well, I'm not one to complain,

but I had a miserable night.

I was trying to sleep on a Phipps
Foam Mattress.

But dear, a Phipps Foam Mattress

rocks you to sleep.

You mean a Phipps Foam Mattress

is like sleeping on rocks.

(nervous chuckle)

Funny!

Always kidding!

Is breakfast ready, dear?

Yes, dear.

Waffles!

That's right, darling.

(clinks)

Oh, oh, oh, I know--

you made this one, eh?

No, I didn't, dear.

I had it sent over

from Phipps Fountain and Tea Room.

Food always tastes different

when they fix it.

I don't know what they do to it.

Oh, girls...

Girls, I want to tell you something
that happened to me.

I got out of bed yesterday, feeling
real blah.

Feel like a real slob.

And then I went to Phipps

and, boy, what they did to me.

If you'll excuse me, I'd like to show
you what Phipps did for me.

Excuse me?

Will you excuse me, dear?

Gladly.

And while my lovely and wonderful
wife

is going to change

to show you what Phipps did for her,

we'd like you to meet our wonderful
and lovable neighbors,

our very good friends, the Mertzes.

Fred and Ethel!

Good morning! Hello!

RICKY: Good morning.
Come in.

Good morning!

Hello, out there in TV land.

And what have you two early birds
been up to?

We've been shopping.
Mm-hmm.

You have been shopping?

Yeah!

Where?

Oh, when we go on shopping trips

Where else would we go but Phipps?

From the top floor to the bottom

If it's bargains, Phipps has got them

Down at Phipps, your credit's great

Ask today for a Phipps-a-plate

First thing on your list of shopping
tips

Put...

Phipps are a great big bunch of gyps.

TAYLOR: Hold it, hold it, everybody!

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

Oh, boy, you should have seen your
face!

(laughing)

You think it's pretty funny, eh?

Oh, yes, I do.

And for your information,

I found out why you were so grand

and let me be on your program.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Did they cut us off?

Not until after she came out in that
getup.

What are you talking about?
Who cut who off?

What are you talking about?

What happened?
Who cut who off?

For your information,

we just told you that this was a
dress rehearsal.

What you just did was the show.

Eww!

("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)

ANNOUNCER: I Love Lucy is a Desilu
Production.

Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz

will be back next week at this same
time.