I Love Lucy (1951–1957): Season 4, Episode 20 - The Hedda Hopper Story - full transcript
Lucy appears in Hedda Hopper's gossip column.
("I love Lucy" theme song playing)
Operator, are you sure you're calling
the right number
in New York City?
Murray Hill 5-9-0-9-9.
Well, I don't understand it.
They should answer.
Ay, mira que tienen cosas los
periodicos estos aqui.
What's the matter, dear?
La senora esta, la senora Hedda
Hooper--
nunca me pone el nombre a mi en el
periodico.
Nunca la senora Hedda Hooper
me pone el nombre en el periodico a
mi.
Look, Ricky, I lied to you before we
were married.
I really don't understand Spanish.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Now, what's the matter with Hedda
Hooper?
We've been here five whole weeks,
and she hasn't had my name in the
paper once.
And neither has Louella Parsons.
All they talk about
is Marilyn Monroe, Marilyn Monroe,
Marilyn Monroe.
What has Marilyn Monroe got that I
haven't got?
Well, I'm sorry, dear.
But you'll get your own publicity in
due time.
Yeah, well, I'm gonna get my own
publicity agent.
That's what I'm gonna do.
That's a good idea.
Yeah.
Yes? Oh.
Well, thank you very much, operator.
They don't answer.
I wonder where Mother and Little
Ricky are.
I've been calling the apartment all
morning.
Well, maybe they went to the park.
Well, they wouldn't stay in the park
this long.
You don't think something could have
happened.
Oh, I don't know.
Your mother in the park
with all those squirrels running
around...
Oh... stop it.
Hey, maybe they're on their way out
here.
In her last letter, she said they
were getting ready.
Oh, don't you think she would have
let us know?
You take that back.
What?
What you were thinking when you said,
"Yeah."
Anyway, Mother wouldn't forget to
send a wire.
No. Let's just hope that
she doesn't forget to bring the baby
with her.
Oh, honey.
Morning.
Hi. Come in.
Oh, hi. Oh, I don't care.
I know one thing.
If we don't hear soon, I'm gonna call
Mrs. Trumball.
What's the matter, honey?
I've been calling New York all
morning.
There's no answer in the apartment.
Well, maybe your mother took the baby
to the park.
(doorbell buzzing)
They wouldn't stay
in the park for four hours.
ETHEL: Oh, you're just worrying
'cause you're so far away.
Well, it's cold back there now, you
know.
It's the middle of winter, you don't
stay in the park...
Oh, hi, Bobby. Hi.
Telegram for me?
Well, I don't know
whether it's for you or not.
We've been trying to figure it out
down at the desk.
Now, it's either for you
or we'll have to forward it to Japan.
Why?
Who is it addressed to?
Mrs. Mickey Mikado.
It's from your mother.
What's it say?
"Arriving 9:30 with little Ricky.
Love, mother."
He's little Ricky, and I'm big
Mickey.
Well, at least, she sent us a wire,
told us she's arriving at 9:30.
Hurray for Mother.
A.M. Or P.M.?
She doesn't say.
What day?
She doesn't say.
What airline?
She doesn't say.
Whatever happened to that woman's
brain?
She doesn't say.
Come on, give it to me.
Maybe I can figure it out.
They sent the wire last night,
so they must be arriving at 9:30 this
morning.
I'll call the airport.
National Airport, please.
Gee, maybe they're waiting for us out
there right now.
Uh, flight information.
Oh, why didn't they deliver that
telegram sooner?
Just be thankful you didn't have to
wait
till it came back from Japan marked
"not known at this pagoda."
Oh, Fred.
Hello?
Will you please tell me
if any of the airlines have a flight
due in
at 9:30 this morning?
Well, how about 9:30 tonight?
No, huh?
Well, thank you very...
Wait a minute. Maybe there's a flight
number 930.
Hold it. Okay.
Uh, any of the airlines have a flight
number 930?
Yes?
What time is it due in?
1:55.
Good!
From Bombay?
Bombay?
Well, with your mother, it...
No, no, even she wouldn't go
from New York to Los Angeles by way
of India.
Thank you very much.
Don't say it. You're right, but don't
say it.
What are you going to do now, Rick?
Well, we'll just have to stay here
and wait for her to find us.
Oh, honey, she might never find us.
Yeah.
She's got the baby with her.
(phone ringing)
I'll get it, honey.
Thanks.
(phone ringing)
I'm telling you.
Hello?
This is Lucy.
Oh, it's Mother. Mother!
Mother!
Mother, where are you?
She's here. Good.
LUCY: How's the baby?
Did he, did he,
did he like the plane ride?
Oh. Oh, well, Mom, I'm awful sorry we
didn't meet you,
But we didn't understand your wire.
Tell her to stay right there.
We'll come and get her.
Yeah, Mom, listen, you-you stay right
where you are.
We'll come and get you.
No, now, Mother, please do just as I
say.
Stay where you are. We'll come and
get you as soon as we can.
Okay, dear. Bye.
Come on. Let's all go out to the
airport and get them.
Yeah, come on. I don't want your
mother
running around loose too long.
Come on, let's go.
Here we go.
Well, I still say we should have
waited out at the airport.
I'm sure mother was out there
somewhere.
Well, honey, we were there a whole
hour.
Yeah, and we looked everyplace
but in the wind sock.
Oh, Fred, don't make jokes.
I'm serious.
I'm worried sick.
Well, what are we gonna do, Rick?
I don't know, Fred.
I'm whipped.
Shh! Shh! Shh!
Shh! Shh! Shh!
Keep your voices down.
Mother! Hey!
For heaven's sake.
How are you, dear?
Oh, am I glad to see you.
Well, long time, no see, Mickey.
LUCY: Honey...
what are you, what are you doing
here?
What am I doing here?
Why, you asked me to come out to
California.
Oh... Where's the baby?
I just put him down, but he's got to
sleep, dear.
Oh, honey, we told you to stay there.
What happened?
Oh, well, I got so terribly bored
just sitting there.
Well, look, Mrs. McGillicuddy,
why didn't you stay where you were?
I mean, we've been looking all over
the airport.
Uh, what for?
For you.
(chuckling)
Well, now, Mickey,
that wasn't very bright.
I wasn't at the airport.
Well, where were you when you called?
Down in the lobby.
Down in the lobby?!
Why don't you say...
Why didn't you tell Lucy?
She didn't ask me.
Oh, no!
Ay-ay-ay.
LUCY: Well, am I glad to see you.
Oh! Ricky!
Come here, honey.
Give him to me.
Hello, sweetheart.
We had a wonderful time, didn't we?
(all clamoring)
Look how big he's grown.
You bet he's grown.
Come on, let me have him.
You want him?
There you go.
Oh, doesn't he look wonderful, honey?
Wonderful.
Mother, what time did your plane get
in?
12:30.
When was it due in?
12:30. Didn't you get my wire?
Well, yeah, we got your wire, but it
said 9:30.
Well?
Well?
Please.
Um, uh, Mother, why did you tell us
9:30
if they told you 12:30?
Well, I thought everybody knew
that there were three hours'
difference in time
between here and New York.
Oh, that does it, brother.
Now I've heard everything.
Don't you let him talk like that
about me.
Ricky, now, look, Mother is right.
There is three hours' difference in
time.
Yeah!
Uh...
Come here, darling.
We'll have our nap.
I know you're tired.
ETHEL: We'll show you California when
you get up.
FRED: See you later.
I'll see you later, son.
ETHEL: Bye, honey.
LUCY: You're such a good boy.
Yes, you are.
Yes, you are.
Look, Mrs. Mcgillicuddy.
I would like to explain something to
you.
In the first place, they meant
Pacific Coast time.
And in the second place,
if you wanted to allow for the time,
you should have added three hours.
You did the whole thing backwards.
You should have said, "Arriving at
3:30."
Oh, poo!
Now, look, I'm just trying to explain
to you.
Well, you should have said...
I can't hear a word you're saying.
You see, it's only quarter past 3:00.
So, according to you, I'm not even
here yet. Ha!
(chuckles derisively)
Now, how do you like that?
I'm only trying to get her
straightened out
and all I get is "poo!" and "ha!"
Now just a minute, Ricky.
I think she's right about the time.
Ethel, Ricky is right.
Ethel, how could she be right?
I'm telling you,
If it's 3:30 there...
If you come from New York...
Well, what do you call gain or lose?
You listen to me. Look.
The sun opens in the east, and it
closes in the west.
Oh...
(all talking at once)
There's the Brown Derby right there,
see?
And right over in there is the
Hollywood Bowl.
Oh, oh, isn't this exciting?
And Mother, this afternoon,
we're gonna take you all around
and you will just be amazed.
Every time you walk down the street,
you see movie stars walking right
along.
Really?
Oh, I hope I see some of my
favorites.
Have you seen Ramon Novarro or
Francis X. Bushman?
Well, no, I don't think I've seen
them.
Oh, and I must see the house where
Rudolph Valentino lived.
Oh, I'll never forget him in The
Sheik.
I'm the Sheik of Araby
Your love belongs to me...
Yeah, well, that's very nice, Mother.
You know, they're grooming Ricky
to be another Rudolph Valentino.
Ricky? Ricky who?
Ricky me. That's who.
You?
(mocking laugh)
(cackling)
(cackling)
Oh, dear.
Why, you're not fit
to touch the hem of his bernouse.
What did she say?
What did she say?
Que quiere decir bernouse?
Now, look, cut it out, you two.
We're all here in California
together.
Now, let's be friends.
Well, all right.
I'm sorry, Mother.
Oh, that's all right, Mickey.
Uh, Mother, you haven't told us a
thing about your trip.
Who did you meet on the plane? Anyone
interesting?
Oh, oh, yes, I met some lovely
people.
The lady next to me was just as sweet
as she could be.
Her daughter wants to get into the
movies.
I told her to call you at the studio,
Mickey.
Oh, you did, eh?
And the man across the way,
he owns an amusement park in Red
Bluff, California,
and, oh, if we ever get up there,
little Ricky can ride the
merry-go-round free.
Oh, well, that's nice.
And the woman behind me was, uh,
oh, some kind of a newspaperwoman.
Uh, she said she might like to do a
story on you.
I invited her over to tea tomorrow
afternoon.
Now, look, Mrs. McGillicuddy, I wish
that...
Mother, if you're going sightseeing,
you'd better get your coat on, dear.
All right.
I'm the Sheik of Araby...
(cackling)
Please, honey.
Why do you have to get so mad?
(phone ringing)
Oh...
I'll get it.
Hello?
Oh, come right up, Mr. Pomerantz.
Yes.
Who's that?
My new press agent.
Well, honey, do you have to see him
now?
Yeah, honey, this is business.
I got to see him now.
You go take your Mother out.
Oh, honey...
Okay, I'm ready.
Oh, Mother, you go over
and pick up the baby at the Mertzes'.
I'll be with you in about five
minutes.
Oh, all right, dear.
Good-bye, Mickey.
Good-bye, Mother.
(knock at door)
Hi, Ricky. I'm Charlie Pomerantz.
Oh, hello, hello.
Come in, Mr. Pomerantz.
Oh, now, Ricky, just call me Charlie.
Okay, Charlie.
Now, then, you're looking for someone
to give you
a real good publicity buildup, right?
Well, I need something, boy.
I don't seem to get a thing
in the motion picture columnist.
Is that accent real?
What accent?
Good. Good.
Let me take a look at you.
Yeah, handsome, good build.
Hey, you know, Ricky,
with your looks and talent and my
know-how,
we're going places.
We are?
Dad, I'm going to make you the Cuban
Liberace.
Well, I don't know about that, but,
uh...
I'd like to see my name in a few of
the columns.
Well, let's see, you're doing the
lead in Don Juan.
The studio plans to make you the
great lover type, huh?
Well, I guess that's right.
Yeah, well, that's always a good
angle.
We'll start off by linking your name
with glamour girls.
You'll be seen at restaurants and
nightclubs,
holding hands, dancing, dancing cheek
to cheek.
Hold it.
I am married.
Married?!
Yeah.
Oh, what did you go and do that for?
Well, I'm sorry,
but I've been happily married for 14
years.
Say... that might be an angle in
itself.
No, who would believe it?
No, we got to find something for you,
Rick. Something good.
Well, Charlie, you're the publicity
agent.
You're supposed to dream it up.
Hey, hey, wait, wait a minute.
That pool gives me an idea.
Can you swim?
Now, wait just a minute. I don't want
to dive off that balcony.
This is the third floor.
No, no, no, no.
Listen, this is the bit.
Tomorrow afternoon, the Motion
Picture Mothers Club
is having their annual tea here at
the hotel.
Now Hedda Hopper always covers it.
She's always here.
Well?
They're having it on the terrace down
by the pool.
Now, suppose I arrange for you to
sing at that tea.
Yeah?
And suppose one of the guests
accidentally falls into the pool
and she can't swim?
Yeah?
And suppose you jump in with your
clothes on
and save her life?
Well, you might got something there.
Might got?
It's absolutely inspired.
It's the greatest.
You'll be the lead item
in Hedda's column the very next day.
We'll try it.
(door opening)
Oh, hi, honey.
Oh, hello.
Charlie, this is my wife.
Lucy, Charlie Pomerantz.
Nice to meet you.
How do you do, Mr. Pomerantz?
It's very nice to meet you.
I'm sorry I have to pop off like
this.
Good-bye, dear.
Good-bye, honey.
Now, what we need is a good-looking,
young girl
who could use some publicity.
RICKY: Uh-huh.
Yes?
You wanted a young girl that...
was good-looking?
Well, I'm...
I'm...
I want some publicity.
Oh, no.
No, no, no, you can't save your own
wife.
Nobody would ever believe it.
Yeah.
Wait, wait, wait.
Wait a minute.
Hey, that might be a wonderful
gimmick,
saving your own wife.
Might be just daring enough to make
it.
Oh, I don't know, Charlie.
Oh, come on, Rick, let's give it a
try.
Well, I...
All right.
Good! What do I do?
Oh, it's easy.
All you do is
fall in a pool with your clothes on.
Well, I think I can... What?
Look, Ricky is gonna be singing at
the tea.
He'll jump in and save you.
You will?
Well, all right.
I'd like to do that.
Besides, I told all my friends in New
York
I was going to make a big splash in
Hollywood.
(guffawing)
Oh!
Oh, my. You look lovely, dear.
Thank you, Mother.
You didn't have to get that dressed
up just for my company.
Your what?
My company, dear.
That nice lady I met on the plane.
I told you I invited her to tea this
afternoon.
Oh, Mother. I'm sorry,
but Ricky and I can't be here this
afternoon.
Well! Well, this is a pretty kettle
of fish
and I was only doing it for Mickey's
sake.
Oh, well, I'm sorry, Mother,
but Ricky made plans to sing at a tea
down by the pool this afternoon and
I'm going to...
Well, I... I have to be with him.
I told you yesterday I'd invited her.
Oh, dear.
Well, come on, honey.
We got to get downstairs.
Well, if it isn't Mr. Ingrate!
I wish that just once your Mother
would get my name right.
Mother... Mother, couldn't you tell
the lady
that we're busy and that we'll see
her another day?
I certainly could not.
What's the problem now?
Oh, well, the lady that Mother met on
the plane
is coming to tea this afternoon,
and Mother is upset because we're not
going to be here.
And I only invited her to meet you,
Mickey.
She's in the newspaper business.
What does she do, sell 'em?
Oh, Ricky!
Now, look, Mother, we appreciate your
trying to help,
really we do, but there's just
nothing we can do about this today.
Oh, horsefeathers.
Oh, dear. I'm afraid we hurt her
feelings.
Well, honey, I'm sorry.
Nothing we can do about it. Come on.
Let's go.
Oh...
(band playing Latin music)
They call me Cuban Pete
I'm the king of the rhumba beat
When I play the maracas
I go chick-chicky, boom,
chick-chicky, boom
Yes, sir, I'm Cuban Pete
I'm the craze on my native street
When I start to dance
Everything goes chick-chicky boom ,
chick-chicky, boom
The senoritas, they sing
How they swing with a sombrero is
very nice
So full of spice
And when they're dancing, they bring
A happy ring of a vaquero
Singing a song
All the day long
So, senoritas, please
Take a lesson from Cuban Pete
And I'll teach you to chick-chicky
boom
Chick-chicky boom, chick-chicky boom
Si, senorita, I know
That you will like the
chicky-boom-chick
'Cause it's the dance
Of Latin romance
And Cuban Pete doesn't teach you in a
hurry
Like Arthur Murray
I come from Havana
And there's always manana
So, senorita, please
Take it easy
Do it with ease
And you'll love it when you do the
chick
The chicky-boom
With Cuban Pete.
(applause)
Thanks.
Thank you, thank you.
Thank you, thank you.
Where's Hedda Hooper?
She'll be here.
She'll be here.
Now relax.
You know, Charlie, I'm not sure I'll
recognize Hedda.
I've never seen her in person.
You can't miss her. You just look for
the craziest hat
you ever saw and Hedda will be
underneath it.
(laughing): I've heard that about
her.
Are you sure she's coming?
Oh, now, keep cool.
Just trust old Charlie.
She'll be here. Maybe you'd better
play
another number, huh, Rick?
LUCY: Play the one I like, doll.
Okay.
Yes.
(people chattering)
(muted sax solo)
Hey... hey, there she is!
There's Hedda!
Go! Go! Come on!
Go! Go! Go ahead!
Go! Go-go-go-go!
Oh, no, wait!
Be careful.
Yes, sir.
Thank you.
Better stay away from the edge.
Yeah, I will.
I'm sorry, honey.
I-I-I thought it was her.
It sure looked like her hat.
Well, that's all right,
but, uh, what are we gonna do about
him?
If I jump in, he'll save me before I
hit the water.
I'll take care of him.
Hi! Uh, now, Burt...
Oh, pardon me.
I thought you were Burt Lancaster.
Well, I've seen you someplace.
You are in the movies, aren't you?
No, but I'd sure like to be.
Well, a guy with your build and
looks,
shouldn't have any trouble.
Say, you know, you're just great for
the lead
in Esther Williams' new picture.
I am?
Yeah. You know, you don't happen
to have a picture of yourself handy,
do you?
Yeah, I got some right in my locker.
I kind of figured you would have.
Why don't you go get me one of those
pictures
and I'll show it to some producers
I know out at Metro, huh?
Hey, thanks!
Yeah, pick out a good one.
Okay.
Take your time.
Attaboy.
(chuckling)
You know, sometimes, my brain amazes
even me.
(laughing): You sure got rid of him.
Had to do it.
Listen, are you sure she's coming?
Now, will you please not worry about
it, Rick?
I said she'd be here, she'd be here.
Trust Charlie, will you?
She'll be here.
BOBBY: Telephone for Mr. Ricardo.
Telephone for Mr.....
Here, Bobby.
Come in and take it in the lobby,
sir.
Okay.
Hurry it up, Rick, huh?
Okay.
You know, I just can't understand it.
Hedda has made this function every
year
for the last ten years.
I know she's gonna be here.
Well, she'll be here, Charlie.
Wait a minute.
There she is.
There's her hat!
That's a hat?
I know it's her favorite!
I can't miss it. Now go ahead, go
ahead. Do your stuff.
But Ricky isn't here!
I'll go get him.
Don't you worry about a thing.
But Charlie, Ricky...
He'll be here in time.
Now you just go-go-go-go on!
There we are.
Help! Help!
I'm drowning! Help!
Help! I'm drowning!
Help! Help! Help!
Help, I'm drowning!
Help! Help! I'm drowning!
Help! Help!
Somebody save me!
Help, help!
Help! Somebody save me!
Help! Get away! Can't you see I'm
drowning?
Help! Help, I'm...
Help! Help, I'm drowning!
I'll save you, honey!
Honey, I'll save you!
I'll save you, honey!
(screaming)
Get away from me!
Get off me!
I got her!
Say something to me, honey.
Talk to me.
Hello.
She's all right.
Kids, kids.
It wasn't Hedda after all.
What? What?
It was just an old potted plant.
What?!
Lucy! Mickey! What happened?
Well, we-we had an idea, but it
turned out to be all wet.
Oh, dear. Well, anyway, you're in
time to meet my company.
She's in seeing little Ricky.
Oh!
Mrs. McGillicuddy, what an adorable
child!
He's almost cuter than my
granddaughter.
Oh, thank you, dear.
Uh, Lucy , Mickey,
I'd like you to meet my good friend
Hedda Hopper.
How do you...
(gasping)
Your mother's told me so much about
you two.
You know, I do wish I could stay and
chat,
but I was due at a party downstairs
an hour ago.
Uh... is it raining outside?
No?
And they say I wear crazy hats.
Well, thank you
for everything, Mrs. McGillicuddy.
MRS. McGILLICUDDY: Good-bye, Hedda.
And it's nice meeting you.
Mother, dear
why didn't you tell us it was Hedda
Hooper?
You didn't ask me.
("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)
ANNOUNCER: Mrs. McGillicuddy was
played by Kathryn Card.
Charlie Pomerantz was played by Hy
Averback.
The bellboy was Bobby Jellison.
The lifeguard was John Hart
and Miss Hedda Hopper played herself.
I Love Lucy is a Desilu Production.
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz
will be back next week at this same
time.
Hi. We came back to tell you
something.
Something that's important to all of
us.
It's about the Olympic Games.
They're going to be held next year in
Melbourne, Australia,
and our team must be there to win.
It's up to us, to every American,
who wants to see the Stars and
Stripes
flying above the victor stands,
to see the funds available.
You see, the teams behind the iron
and bamboo curtains
are government-subsidized,
but our team is really our team,
yours and mine.
It's only gonna be there
if we prove that we want it there
with our contributions.
You want to know something?
The Pan-American games in Mexico City
are on right now,
and because we didn't raise enough
money,
we couldn't send the succer team.
Honey, not "sucker," soccer.
All right, all right.
But our team isn't there,
and we can't let this happen in the
Olympics.
Let's show our Olympic team how we
feel about them
and show the world how we feel about
our country.
Send your contributions to
U.S. Olympic Fund, c/o your local
postmaster.
That's U.S. Olympic Fund, c/o your
local postmaster.
Operator, are you sure you're calling
the right number
in New York City?
Murray Hill 5-9-0-9-9.
Well, I don't understand it.
They should answer.
Ay, mira que tienen cosas los
periodicos estos aqui.
What's the matter, dear?
La senora esta, la senora Hedda
Hooper--
nunca me pone el nombre a mi en el
periodico.
Nunca la senora Hedda Hooper
me pone el nombre en el periodico a
mi.
Look, Ricky, I lied to you before we
were married.
I really don't understand Spanish.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Now, what's the matter with Hedda
Hooper?
We've been here five whole weeks,
and she hasn't had my name in the
paper once.
And neither has Louella Parsons.
All they talk about
is Marilyn Monroe, Marilyn Monroe,
Marilyn Monroe.
What has Marilyn Monroe got that I
haven't got?
Well, I'm sorry, dear.
But you'll get your own publicity in
due time.
Yeah, well, I'm gonna get my own
publicity agent.
That's what I'm gonna do.
That's a good idea.
Yeah.
Yes? Oh.
Well, thank you very much, operator.
They don't answer.
I wonder where Mother and Little
Ricky are.
I've been calling the apartment all
morning.
Well, maybe they went to the park.
Well, they wouldn't stay in the park
this long.
You don't think something could have
happened.
Oh, I don't know.
Your mother in the park
with all those squirrels running
around...
Oh... stop it.
Hey, maybe they're on their way out
here.
In her last letter, she said they
were getting ready.
Oh, don't you think she would have
let us know?
You take that back.
What?
What you were thinking when you said,
"Yeah."
Anyway, Mother wouldn't forget to
send a wire.
No. Let's just hope that
she doesn't forget to bring the baby
with her.
Oh, honey.
Morning.
Hi. Come in.
Oh, hi. Oh, I don't care.
I know one thing.
If we don't hear soon, I'm gonna call
Mrs. Trumball.
What's the matter, honey?
I've been calling New York all
morning.
There's no answer in the apartment.
Well, maybe your mother took the baby
to the park.
(doorbell buzzing)
They wouldn't stay
in the park for four hours.
ETHEL: Oh, you're just worrying
'cause you're so far away.
Well, it's cold back there now, you
know.
It's the middle of winter, you don't
stay in the park...
Oh, hi, Bobby. Hi.
Telegram for me?
Well, I don't know
whether it's for you or not.
We've been trying to figure it out
down at the desk.
Now, it's either for you
or we'll have to forward it to Japan.
Why?
Who is it addressed to?
Mrs. Mickey Mikado.
It's from your mother.
What's it say?
"Arriving 9:30 with little Ricky.
Love, mother."
He's little Ricky, and I'm big
Mickey.
Well, at least, she sent us a wire,
told us she's arriving at 9:30.
Hurray for Mother.
A.M. Or P.M.?
She doesn't say.
What day?
She doesn't say.
What airline?
She doesn't say.
Whatever happened to that woman's
brain?
She doesn't say.
Come on, give it to me.
Maybe I can figure it out.
They sent the wire last night,
so they must be arriving at 9:30 this
morning.
I'll call the airport.
National Airport, please.
Gee, maybe they're waiting for us out
there right now.
Uh, flight information.
Oh, why didn't they deliver that
telegram sooner?
Just be thankful you didn't have to
wait
till it came back from Japan marked
"not known at this pagoda."
Oh, Fred.
Hello?
Will you please tell me
if any of the airlines have a flight
due in
at 9:30 this morning?
Well, how about 9:30 tonight?
No, huh?
Well, thank you very...
Wait a minute. Maybe there's a flight
number 930.
Hold it. Okay.
Uh, any of the airlines have a flight
number 930?
Yes?
What time is it due in?
1:55.
Good!
From Bombay?
Bombay?
Well, with your mother, it...
No, no, even she wouldn't go
from New York to Los Angeles by way
of India.
Thank you very much.
Don't say it. You're right, but don't
say it.
What are you going to do now, Rick?
Well, we'll just have to stay here
and wait for her to find us.
Oh, honey, she might never find us.
Yeah.
She's got the baby with her.
(phone ringing)
I'll get it, honey.
Thanks.
(phone ringing)
I'm telling you.
Hello?
This is Lucy.
Oh, it's Mother. Mother!
Mother!
Mother, where are you?
She's here. Good.
LUCY: How's the baby?
Did he, did he,
did he like the plane ride?
Oh. Oh, well, Mom, I'm awful sorry we
didn't meet you,
But we didn't understand your wire.
Tell her to stay right there.
We'll come and get her.
Yeah, Mom, listen, you-you stay right
where you are.
We'll come and get you.
No, now, Mother, please do just as I
say.
Stay where you are. We'll come and
get you as soon as we can.
Okay, dear. Bye.
Come on. Let's all go out to the
airport and get them.
Yeah, come on. I don't want your
mother
running around loose too long.
Come on, let's go.
Here we go.
Well, I still say we should have
waited out at the airport.
I'm sure mother was out there
somewhere.
Well, honey, we were there a whole
hour.
Yeah, and we looked everyplace
but in the wind sock.
Oh, Fred, don't make jokes.
I'm serious.
I'm worried sick.
Well, what are we gonna do, Rick?
I don't know, Fred.
I'm whipped.
Shh! Shh! Shh!
Shh! Shh! Shh!
Keep your voices down.
Mother! Hey!
For heaven's sake.
How are you, dear?
Oh, am I glad to see you.
Well, long time, no see, Mickey.
LUCY: Honey...
what are you, what are you doing
here?
What am I doing here?
Why, you asked me to come out to
California.
Oh... Where's the baby?
I just put him down, but he's got to
sleep, dear.
Oh, honey, we told you to stay there.
What happened?
Oh, well, I got so terribly bored
just sitting there.
Well, look, Mrs. McGillicuddy,
why didn't you stay where you were?
I mean, we've been looking all over
the airport.
Uh, what for?
For you.
(chuckling)
Well, now, Mickey,
that wasn't very bright.
I wasn't at the airport.
Well, where were you when you called?
Down in the lobby.
Down in the lobby?!
Why don't you say...
Why didn't you tell Lucy?
She didn't ask me.
Oh, no!
Ay-ay-ay.
LUCY: Well, am I glad to see you.
Oh! Ricky!
Come here, honey.
Give him to me.
Hello, sweetheart.
We had a wonderful time, didn't we?
(all clamoring)
Look how big he's grown.
You bet he's grown.
Come on, let me have him.
You want him?
There you go.
Oh, doesn't he look wonderful, honey?
Wonderful.
Mother, what time did your plane get
in?
12:30.
When was it due in?
12:30. Didn't you get my wire?
Well, yeah, we got your wire, but it
said 9:30.
Well?
Well?
Please.
Um, uh, Mother, why did you tell us
9:30
if they told you 12:30?
Well, I thought everybody knew
that there were three hours'
difference in time
between here and New York.
Oh, that does it, brother.
Now I've heard everything.
Don't you let him talk like that
about me.
Ricky, now, look, Mother is right.
There is three hours' difference in
time.
Yeah!
Uh...
Come here, darling.
We'll have our nap.
I know you're tired.
ETHEL: We'll show you California when
you get up.
FRED: See you later.
I'll see you later, son.
ETHEL: Bye, honey.
LUCY: You're such a good boy.
Yes, you are.
Yes, you are.
Look, Mrs. Mcgillicuddy.
I would like to explain something to
you.
In the first place, they meant
Pacific Coast time.
And in the second place,
if you wanted to allow for the time,
you should have added three hours.
You did the whole thing backwards.
You should have said, "Arriving at
3:30."
Oh, poo!
Now, look, I'm just trying to explain
to you.
Well, you should have said...
I can't hear a word you're saying.
You see, it's only quarter past 3:00.
So, according to you, I'm not even
here yet. Ha!
(chuckles derisively)
Now, how do you like that?
I'm only trying to get her
straightened out
and all I get is "poo!" and "ha!"
Now just a minute, Ricky.
I think she's right about the time.
Ethel, Ricky is right.
Ethel, how could she be right?
I'm telling you,
If it's 3:30 there...
If you come from New York...
Well, what do you call gain or lose?
You listen to me. Look.
The sun opens in the east, and it
closes in the west.
Oh...
(all talking at once)
There's the Brown Derby right there,
see?
And right over in there is the
Hollywood Bowl.
Oh, oh, isn't this exciting?
And Mother, this afternoon,
we're gonna take you all around
and you will just be amazed.
Every time you walk down the street,
you see movie stars walking right
along.
Really?
Oh, I hope I see some of my
favorites.
Have you seen Ramon Novarro or
Francis X. Bushman?
Well, no, I don't think I've seen
them.
Oh, and I must see the house where
Rudolph Valentino lived.
Oh, I'll never forget him in The
Sheik.
I'm the Sheik of Araby
Your love belongs to me...
Yeah, well, that's very nice, Mother.
You know, they're grooming Ricky
to be another Rudolph Valentino.
Ricky? Ricky who?
Ricky me. That's who.
You?
(mocking laugh)
(cackling)
(cackling)
Oh, dear.
Why, you're not fit
to touch the hem of his bernouse.
What did she say?
What did she say?
Que quiere decir bernouse?
Now, look, cut it out, you two.
We're all here in California
together.
Now, let's be friends.
Well, all right.
I'm sorry, Mother.
Oh, that's all right, Mickey.
Uh, Mother, you haven't told us a
thing about your trip.
Who did you meet on the plane? Anyone
interesting?
Oh, oh, yes, I met some lovely
people.
The lady next to me was just as sweet
as she could be.
Her daughter wants to get into the
movies.
I told her to call you at the studio,
Mickey.
Oh, you did, eh?
And the man across the way,
he owns an amusement park in Red
Bluff, California,
and, oh, if we ever get up there,
little Ricky can ride the
merry-go-round free.
Oh, well, that's nice.
And the woman behind me was, uh,
oh, some kind of a newspaperwoman.
Uh, she said she might like to do a
story on you.
I invited her over to tea tomorrow
afternoon.
Now, look, Mrs. McGillicuddy, I wish
that...
Mother, if you're going sightseeing,
you'd better get your coat on, dear.
All right.
I'm the Sheik of Araby...
(cackling)
Please, honey.
Why do you have to get so mad?
(phone ringing)
Oh...
I'll get it.
Hello?
Oh, come right up, Mr. Pomerantz.
Yes.
Who's that?
My new press agent.
Well, honey, do you have to see him
now?
Yeah, honey, this is business.
I got to see him now.
You go take your Mother out.
Oh, honey...
Okay, I'm ready.
Oh, Mother, you go over
and pick up the baby at the Mertzes'.
I'll be with you in about five
minutes.
Oh, all right, dear.
Good-bye, Mickey.
Good-bye, Mother.
(knock at door)
Hi, Ricky. I'm Charlie Pomerantz.
Oh, hello, hello.
Come in, Mr. Pomerantz.
Oh, now, Ricky, just call me Charlie.
Okay, Charlie.
Now, then, you're looking for someone
to give you
a real good publicity buildup, right?
Well, I need something, boy.
I don't seem to get a thing
in the motion picture columnist.
Is that accent real?
What accent?
Good. Good.
Let me take a look at you.
Yeah, handsome, good build.
Hey, you know, Ricky,
with your looks and talent and my
know-how,
we're going places.
We are?
Dad, I'm going to make you the Cuban
Liberace.
Well, I don't know about that, but,
uh...
I'd like to see my name in a few of
the columns.
Well, let's see, you're doing the
lead in Don Juan.
The studio plans to make you the
great lover type, huh?
Well, I guess that's right.
Yeah, well, that's always a good
angle.
We'll start off by linking your name
with glamour girls.
You'll be seen at restaurants and
nightclubs,
holding hands, dancing, dancing cheek
to cheek.
Hold it.
I am married.
Married?!
Yeah.
Oh, what did you go and do that for?
Well, I'm sorry,
but I've been happily married for 14
years.
Say... that might be an angle in
itself.
No, who would believe it?
No, we got to find something for you,
Rick. Something good.
Well, Charlie, you're the publicity
agent.
You're supposed to dream it up.
Hey, hey, wait, wait a minute.
That pool gives me an idea.
Can you swim?
Now, wait just a minute. I don't want
to dive off that balcony.
This is the third floor.
No, no, no, no.
Listen, this is the bit.
Tomorrow afternoon, the Motion
Picture Mothers Club
is having their annual tea here at
the hotel.
Now Hedda Hopper always covers it.
She's always here.
Well?
They're having it on the terrace down
by the pool.
Now, suppose I arrange for you to
sing at that tea.
Yeah?
And suppose one of the guests
accidentally falls into the pool
and she can't swim?
Yeah?
And suppose you jump in with your
clothes on
and save her life?
Well, you might got something there.
Might got?
It's absolutely inspired.
It's the greatest.
You'll be the lead item
in Hedda's column the very next day.
We'll try it.
(door opening)
Oh, hi, honey.
Oh, hello.
Charlie, this is my wife.
Lucy, Charlie Pomerantz.
Nice to meet you.
How do you do, Mr. Pomerantz?
It's very nice to meet you.
I'm sorry I have to pop off like
this.
Good-bye, dear.
Good-bye, honey.
Now, what we need is a good-looking,
young girl
who could use some publicity.
RICKY: Uh-huh.
Yes?
You wanted a young girl that...
was good-looking?
Well, I'm...
I'm...
I want some publicity.
Oh, no.
No, no, no, you can't save your own
wife.
Nobody would ever believe it.
Yeah.
Wait, wait, wait.
Wait a minute.
Hey, that might be a wonderful
gimmick,
saving your own wife.
Might be just daring enough to make
it.
Oh, I don't know, Charlie.
Oh, come on, Rick, let's give it a
try.
Well, I...
All right.
Good! What do I do?
Oh, it's easy.
All you do is
fall in a pool with your clothes on.
Well, I think I can... What?
Look, Ricky is gonna be singing at
the tea.
He'll jump in and save you.
You will?
Well, all right.
I'd like to do that.
Besides, I told all my friends in New
York
I was going to make a big splash in
Hollywood.
(guffawing)
Oh!
Oh, my. You look lovely, dear.
Thank you, Mother.
You didn't have to get that dressed
up just for my company.
Your what?
My company, dear.
That nice lady I met on the plane.
I told you I invited her to tea this
afternoon.
Oh, Mother. I'm sorry,
but Ricky and I can't be here this
afternoon.
Well! Well, this is a pretty kettle
of fish
and I was only doing it for Mickey's
sake.
Oh, well, I'm sorry, Mother,
but Ricky made plans to sing at a tea
down by the pool this afternoon and
I'm going to...
Well, I... I have to be with him.
I told you yesterday I'd invited her.
Oh, dear.
Well, come on, honey.
We got to get downstairs.
Well, if it isn't Mr. Ingrate!
I wish that just once your Mother
would get my name right.
Mother... Mother, couldn't you tell
the lady
that we're busy and that we'll see
her another day?
I certainly could not.
What's the problem now?
Oh, well, the lady that Mother met on
the plane
is coming to tea this afternoon,
and Mother is upset because we're not
going to be here.
And I only invited her to meet you,
Mickey.
She's in the newspaper business.
What does she do, sell 'em?
Oh, Ricky!
Now, look, Mother, we appreciate your
trying to help,
really we do, but there's just
nothing we can do about this today.
Oh, horsefeathers.
Oh, dear. I'm afraid we hurt her
feelings.
Well, honey, I'm sorry.
Nothing we can do about it. Come on.
Let's go.
Oh...
(band playing Latin music)
They call me Cuban Pete
I'm the king of the rhumba beat
When I play the maracas
I go chick-chicky, boom,
chick-chicky, boom
Yes, sir, I'm Cuban Pete
I'm the craze on my native street
When I start to dance
Everything goes chick-chicky boom ,
chick-chicky, boom
The senoritas, they sing
How they swing with a sombrero is
very nice
So full of spice
And when they're dancing, they bring
A happy ring of a vaquero
Singing a song
All the day long
So, senoritas, please
Take a lesson from Cuban Pete
And I'll teach you to chick-chicky
boom
Chick-chicky boom, chick-chicky boom
Si, senorita, I know
That you will like the
chicky-boom-chick
'Cause it's the dance
Of Latin romance
And Cuban Pete doesn't teach you in a
hurry
Like Arthur Murray
I come from Havana
And there's always manana
So, senorita, please
Take it easy
Do it with ease
And you'll love it when you do the
chick
The chicky-boom
With Cuban Pete.
(applause)
Thanks.
Thank you, thank you.
Thank you, thank you.
Where's Hedda Hooper?
She'll be here.
She'll be here.
Now relax.
You know, Charlie, I'm not sure I'll
recognize Hedda.
I've never seen her in person.
You can't miss her. You just look for
the craziest hat
you ever saw and Hedda will be
underneath it.
(laughing): I've heard that about
her.
Are you sure she's coming?
Oh, now, keep cool.
Just trust old Charlie.
She'll be here. Maybe you'd better
play
another number, huh, Rick?
LUCY: Play the one I like, doll.
Okay.
Yes.
(people chattering)
(muted sax solo)
Hey... hey, there she is!
There's Hedda!
Go! Go! Come on!
Go! Go! Go ahead!
Go! Go-go-go-go!
Oh, no, wait!
Be careful.
Yes, sir.
Thank you.
Better stay away from the edge.
Yeah, I will.
I'm sorry, honey.
I-I-I thought it was her.
It sure looked like her hat.
Well, that's all right,
but, uh, what are we gonna do about
him?
If I jump in, he'll save me before I
hit the water.
I'll take care of him.
Hi! Uh, now, Burt...
Oh, pardon me.
I thought you were Burt Lancaster.
Well, I've seen you someplace.
You are in the movies, aren't you?
No, but I'd sure like to be.
Well, a guy with your build and
looks,
shouldn't have any trouble.
Say, you know, you're just great for
the lead
in Esther Williams' new picture.
I am?
Yeah. You know, you don't happen
to have a picture of yourself handy,
do you?
Yeah, I got some right in my locker.
I kind of figured you would have.
Why don't you go get me one of those
pictures
and I'll show it to some producers
I know out at Metro, huh?
Hey, thanks!
Yeah, pick out a good one.
Okay.
Take your time.
Attaboy.
(chuckling)
You know, sometimes, my brain amazes
even me.
(laughing): You sure got rid of him.
Had to do it.
Listen, are you sure she's coming?
Now, will you please not worry about
it, Rick?
I said she'd be here, she'd be here.
Trust Charlie, will you?
She'll be here.
BOBBY: Telephone for Mr. Ricardo.
Telephone for Mr.....
Here, Bobby.
Come in and take it in the lobby,
sir.
Okay.
Hurry it up, Rick, huh?
Okay.
You know, I just can't understand it.
Hedda has made this function every
year
for the last ten years.
I know she's gonna be here.
Well, she'll be here, Charlie.
Wait a minute.
There she is.
There's her hat!
That's a hat?
I know it's her favorite!
I can't miss it. Now go ahead, go
ahead. Do your stuff.
But Ricky isn't here!
I'll go get him.
Don't you worry about a thing.
But Charlie, Ricky...
He'll be here in time.
Now you just go-go-go-go on!
There we are.
Help! Help!
I'm drowning! Help!
Help! I'm drowning!
Help! Help! Help!
Help, I'm drowning!
Help! Help! I'm drowning!
Help! Help!
Somebody save me!
Help, help!
Help! Somebody save me!
Help! Get away! Can't you see I'm
drowning?
Help! Help, I'm...
Help! Help, I'm drowning!
I'll save you, honey!
Honey, I'll save you!
I'll save you, honey!
(screaming)
Get away from me!
Get off me!
I got her!
Say something to me, honey.
Talk to me.
Hello.
She's all right.
Kids, kids.
It wasn't Hedda after all.
What? What?
It was just an old potted plant.
What?!
Lucy! Mickey! What happened?
Well, we-we had an idea, but it
turned out to be all wet.
Oh, dear. Well, anyway, you're in
time to meet my company.
She's in seeing little Ricky.
Oh!
Mrs. McGillicuddy, what an adorable
child!
He's almost cuter than my
granddaughter.
Oh, thank you, dear.
Uh, Lucy , Mickey,
I'd like you to meet my good friend
Hedda Hopper.
How do you...
(gasping)
Your mother's told me so much about
you two.
You know, I do wish I could stay and
chat,
but I was due at a party downstairs
an hour ago.
Uh... is it raining outside?
No?
And they say I wear crazy hats.
Well, thank you
for everything, Mrs. McGillicuddy.
MRS. McGILLICUDDY: Good-bye, Hedda.
And it's nice meeting you.
Mother, dear
why didn't you tell us it was Hedda
Hooper?
You didn't ask me.
("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)
ANNOUNCER: Mrs. McGillicuddy was
played by Kathryn Card.
Charlie Pomerantz was played by Hy
Averback.
The bellboy was Bobby Jellison.
The lifeguard was John Hart
and Miss Hedda Hopper played herself.
I Love Lucy is a Desilu Production.
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz
will be back next week at this same
time.
Hi. We came back to tell you
something.
Something that's important to all of
us.
It's about the Olympic Games.
They're going to be held next year in
Melbourne, Australia,
and our team must be there to win.
It's up to us, to every American,
who wants to see the Stars and
Stripes
flying above the victor stands,
to see the funds available.
You see, the teams behind the iron
and bamboo curtains
are government-subsidized,
but our team is really our team,
yours and mine.
It's only gonna be there
if we prove that we want it there
with our contributions.
You want to know something?
The Pan-American games in Mexico City
are on right now,
and because we didn't raise enough
money,
we couldn't send the succer team.
Honey, not "sucker," soccer.
All right, all right.
But our team isn't there,
and we can't let this happen in the
Olympics.
Let's show our Olympic team how we
feel about them
and show the world how we feel about
our country.
Send your contributions to
U.S. Olympic Fund, c/o your local
postmaster.
That's U.S. Olympic Fund, c/o your
local postmaster.