I Love Lucy (1951–1957): Season 4, Episode 17 - Don Juan and the Starlets - full transcript

The studio makes Ricky do movie publicity with four starlets, leaving Lucy alone.

("I love Lucy" theme song playing)

(doorbell buzzing)

Oh, hello.

Here are the extra towels you wanted,
Mrs. Ricardo.

Thank you very much.

Lucy?

Yeah?

Lucy!

What?

Come here.

Guess who's down by the pool.



Who?

Robert Taylor.

No kidding.

Yes. Maybe we can see him

from up here. Come over.

Where is he?

There he is!
Where?

See that great big green-
and-white-striped umbrella?

Yeah.

Well, you see those feet sticking out

from under that umbrella?
Yeah.

Those are Robert Taylor's feet!

Robert Taylor's feet!

Yeah, and the rest of him's even
better.



No kidding!

Well, get your bathing suit

and meet me down by the pool.

Okay. Oh! Oh, I can't.

Ricky just called and-and he's, uh,

he's on his way here from the studio
with a photographer.

We're going to take some pictures.

"We"? Are you going to be in them?

Well, I didn't get all the details.

But what other reason would they have
for taking them here?

It's probably one of those fan
magazine deals, you know,

where they play up the domestic
angle:

"Lucy and Ricky Ricardo At Home."

Oh, that'll be wonderful.

Yeah.

Ethel.

Oh, for goodness sake, now,

you could have gone into the wading
pool

until Mommy got there.

I want you to rub this oil on me

so I can get a suntan.

Oh, Fred, you'll never get a suntan.

Your skin's just like mine.

It's too fair.

Well, it says right here

if I use it, I'll be a golden brown.

You will-- a golden brown blister.

Well, I'm going to give it a try.

Now let's go.

Okay.

I want to get one more look at Robert
Taylor.

He's gone.

He has?

Oh, darn it!

Now, let's go.

We're wasting that good sun.

Oh, there's no hurry.

Yes, there is.

(doorbell buzzing)

They're here already?

Does Ricky Ricardo live here?

Uh, yes.

Yes, he does.

Well, I'm Dolores Donlon.

The studio told me to come over here

to have some pictures taken with
Ricky.

Oh. Well, won't you come in?

Thank you.

Uh, I'm Mrs. Ricardo

and this is Mr. And Mrs. Mertz.

How do you do?

How do you do?

Oh, well, come on.

We're wasting that good sun.

There's no hurry.

Oh, won't you sit down?

Thank you.

(doorbell buzzing)

Hello.

Hello.

Is this the Ricardo apartment?

Yes.

Well, the studio said

to come up and have some pictures
taken.

Oh, hi, Dolores.

Hi, Maggie.

Did they call you for this, too?

Yeah, but I don't know much about it.

Me either.

The studio just said to go over

and have my picture taken with Ricky
Ricardo,

whoever he is.

Oh, haven't you met him?

He's a handsome Latin with an accent.

He's the end.

Really?

The living end.

Uh... pardon me.

I'm a little confused.

What kind of pictures are they
taking?

Oh, are you from the studio, too,
honey?

No, I'm Mrs. End.

I-I, I mean, I'm Mrs. Ricardo.

Oh. Well, how do you do?

I'm Maggie Magennis.

Oh, well, how do you do?

This is Mr. And Mrs. Mertz.

Hello!

How do you do? It's been nice knowing
you.

We're going down to the pool.

What for?

I thought you said you wanted to get
some sun.

With my fair skin?

(doorbell buzzing)

Oh, this is Ricky, I hope.

Hello...

Yeah, yeah, come on in.

Hi, Dolores and Maggie!

How are you?

Good to see you.

Why are there so many of them?

Who cares?

Come on.

We're going down to the pool.
Wait!

Wait!
We'll see you later, Lucy.

Come in, Ross.

Oh, hi.
Hi, honey.

Ross Elliott, this is my wife Lucy.

How do you do?

Glad to meet you, Mrs. Ricardo.

Thank you.

Oh, hello, girls.

WOMEN: Hi, Ross. How are you?

What are those?

Oh, well, they're going to be in the
Don Juan picture with me.

Oh?

Yeah, they play the four women

that are in love with me in the
picture.

Oh, that's very exciting.

ROSS: Ricky, come on over and meet
the girls.

Okay. Excuse me, honey.

Girls, this is Ricky Ricardo.

Hello, Dolores.
I met you before.

Hello, girls. Hi.

Okay, kids, let's get started.

Now, Ricky, for the first shot, take
this script

and sit in that chair with the girls
all around you, huh?

Okay.

Now, we'll see how that looks.

Okay.

Okay, kids.

That's good.
Now, one...

Mrs. Ricardo, if you stand there,

you're gonna be in the picture.

Oh.

It's not that we wouldn't like to use
you in some of the shots,

but it just wouldn't fit in with our
publicity campaign.

Oh, well, I-I thought you, uh, would
want

to play up the domestic angle.

You know, how happily married Ricky
is.

Well, we-we would ordinarily, you
see,

but Don Juan is all about love.

It's got nothing to do with marriage.

Oh.

Okay, kids, let's get this now.

Ready? One, two and...

Good.

Okay, now I think we'll have some
cheesecake.

Everybody, over to the couch.

Ricky, you go get your guitar, huh?

Okay.

ROSS: All right, kids.

Two on one side and two on the other.

Yeah, that's gonna be fine.

Now let's all cross our legs to the
right, huh?

That's good. Now leave space a little
for Ricky.

RICKY: Where do you want me, Ross?

Right in the middle, Ricky,
serenading the girls, huh?

Everybody look at Ricky and smile.

Now hold it.

One... two...

Mrs. Ricardo...

Well, you said everybody.

Well, I meant all the girls.

Oh.

Lucy...

well, I misunderstood him.
That's all.

Okay, all right.

One, two and... good.

Now, for the next shot, let's have
everybody

back of the couch, huh?

Uh, well, if you don't need me, I
have a few things

I could be doing in the bedroom.

All right, Mrs. Ricardo, if we need
you, we'll call you.

Thank you.

All right now, Ricky,

you stretch out on the couch, looking
up at the girls.

Girls, I want just the heads showing.

Okay.
Everybody down.

That's right.

Now, just the chin sticking up.

Just your chin.
Now, there.

Now, let's see how that's going to
look.

Now, don't move, Beverly.

Now, I want you two to move over to
the right

and you three to...

Three?!

Mrs. Ricardo.

Lucy, what are you doing back there?

I lost my earring.

Where?

In the bedroom.

What are you doing looking out here
for it?

Because the light's better out here.

ROSS: Okay, kids, let's get this
shot, huh?

One, two...

Good. Okay, now I think we'll move
down to the pool.

Kids, change into your suits in the
cabana.

Ricky, get into some trunks and a
robe, huh?

Okay.

All right, fine.

Oh, it's nice to have met you, Mrs.
Ricardo.

I'll see you again sometime.

ETHEL: Lucy?

Yeah.

Are you watching that spectacle from
up here?

Isn't it revolting?

Will you please tell me

what is so exciting about taking
pictures

of four starlets in bikini bathing
suits?

I don't know,

but I could see Fred's eyes bugged
out clear up here.

Phew!

Boy, I'm glad that's over.

I never realized that taking pictures
was such hard work.

Oh, you poor little thing.

I'll bet your arms are all calloused

from having them around those
starlets.

Honey, you know I had nothing to do
with this.

Don't get mad.

Mad? Me mad?

(chuckling): Why? Why should I be
mad?

On the contrary,

I'm glad, very glad.

Why, when those girls walked in here
today,

it was the happiest day of my life.

Now, Lucy...

And when they didn't want me

in the pictures, I wanted to jump for
joy.

Lucy...

And my goodness!

When you all put on those bathing
suits

and trooped down to the pool,

I just felt as if my fondest dreams
had come true.

Now, honey...

And you thought I was mad.

Why, I wasn't mad.

I was happy. Happy!

H-a-p-p-y, happy!

Boy.

Now, look, honey, I-I know that
you're a little upset, but...

A little upset.

You think I'm a little upset.

Now, just a minute.

Ricky, let her go.

I want to see what she'll do for an
encore.

Now, look, honey, I-I know

that this is hard for you to put up
with,

but, uh, it's part of the publicity
campaign

for the picture, and I got to go
along with it.

Yeah, well, I don't got to go along
with it.

Yes, you do.

You are my wife, and this is part of
my career right now.

Now, there'll probably be a lot more
pictures like that,

but I'm sure that if you think the
whole thing over calmly,

you won't be childish enough to let
it bother you.

Any bets?

You keep out of this.

Here. Here's something to make you
happy.

Ross gave me some tickets to go to a
big premiere tonight,

and we're going to get all dressed up
and go.

We are?

Yes, sir.

I'm taking the prettiest girl in
Hollywood to the premiere.

Aw... honey.

Oh, I love movies with a happy
ending.

Gee, Ethel, just think:

My first Hollywood premiere.

Where is it, honey?

Grauman's Chinese Theatre?

He didn't tell me.
Look on the tickets and see.

Just one ticket here.

You sure?

I'm positive.

Oh, well, then it must be good for
two people--

you know, one person and a guest.

Of course, dear.

That's why it says, "Admit one."

Oh.

Well, I almost got to a Hollywood
premiere.

Now, honey, there's just been a
mistake, that's all.

You bet there's just been a mistake,

and I made it 15 years ago when
Marion Strong asked me

to go on a blind date with a Cuban
drummer and I said yes.

(doorbell buzzing)

Oh, hello, Ross. Come in.

Say, Ricky, I just realized

I only gave you one ticket for
tonight.

See?

Oh. Well...

I can't send you to a premiere all by
yourself.

No, that's right.

You certainly can't.

Here you are.

One, two, three, four.

Four?

Four?

Yeah, for the four girls.

Now, look, Ricky, when they interview
you in the lobby,

mention Don Juan as many times as you
can...

Now, now, look, Ross, Ross,

I wanted to take Lucy to the premiere
tonight.

Now, Ricky, I know how you feel,

but I've got this thing all set up.

There'll be plenty of other premieres

she can go to later on.

You understand, don't you, Mrs.
Ricardo?

Oh, sure, I understand.

Oh, you're a real doll.

Now, look, Ricky, there's a party at
the Mocambo

after the show-- you and the four
girls, okay?

Yeah.

I'll see you at the studio in the
morning, huh?

Yeah, well, yeah...

I know.

I'm your wife, and I have to go along
with it.

It's part of your career.

It's for publicity

and I'm not supposed to let it bother
me.

I shouldn't be childish

and I should take it with a smile.

Lucy...

I'm smiling.

I don't like you when you're smiling
that way.

Don't press your luck.
I'm smiling.

Oh, honey, you shouldn't have waited
up for me.

Come on. Let's go to bed.

Come on, honey.

I got an early call at the studio
tomorrow.

(mumbling)

Lucy, have I got a clean tux shirt?

Honey, I got to go to the studio in
my tux, and I want...

Aah...

Ten o'clock!

Give me MGM Studio, please.

(slamming down phone)

Hello. Is Ricky Ricardo working there
today?

Well, would you find him, please?

I-I'll hold on.

Oh, you're up. Good.

Say, Ethel wants to know if we're
still going

to Knott's Berry Farm today.

The only knots you'll see today

will be on Ricky's head!

Huh?

He didn't come home all night!

Oh, you must be mistaken.

Go see for yourself.

His bed hasn't been slept in.

Oh.

Well, of course it hasn't.

What do you mean?

Well, that's another reason I had for
coming over.

First I wanted to ask you

about going to Knott's Berry Farm

and then I wanted to tell you that

Ricky spent the night over at our
place.

He did?

Yeah.

Why?

Why?

Well, he... Why?

Hello?

Yes?

Oh. Oh, well, thank you.

He's on his way home from the studio.

Yeah, that's it. He got an early call
from the studio,

and he didn't want to disturb you.

Really?

Yeah. Well, I'll see you later.

I just thought of something I have to
tell Ethel.

Hi.

Come on, Ethel. Let's go and eat
breakfast.

We just had breakfast.

Well, let's go and have another one.
I'm starving.

What's the matter with you?

Ethel, Ethel, did anyone sleep on
your couch last night?

Yeah. Why?

Are you sure?

Sure, I'm sure.

Well, I'll be darned.

How did you know I slept on the couch
last night?

Aha!

"Aha" what?

I sleep on the couch lots of nights.

Fred snores like a buzz saw.

Well, at least you know where your
buzz saw was last night.

What are you talking about?

Ricky didn't come home at all.

He didn't!

Oh, now, let's not jump to
conclusions.

There must be some logical...

Oh, you keep out of this, you, you
husband, you!

Well, I'm lost.

What are you talking about?

Oh, Fred's trying to cover up for
Ricky

by telling me that he slept on your
couch last night.

Oh, honestly, Fred.

Well, I just thought that there might
be a...

Hi, everybody.
Hi, honey.

Oh!

Have you no shame?

Huh?

Look at him, out all night,

parading around at 10:00 in the
morning in his tuxedo!

What happened?

You'll never get out of this one.

Just turn around and head back for
Cuba.

I'd like to know what's going on.

So would I.

Where were you last night?

Yes. Where were you last night, you
cad?

Yeah. I'd kind of like to know
myself.

What's the matter with all of you?

You know where I was last night.

I went to the premiere

and then I want to the party at
Mocambo's.

And then?

And then?

And then I came home.

Ha!

Now look, I-I-I...
You mind telling me

what-what you're talking about?

I was right on that couch all night

and you did not come home.

You crazy or something?
Of course I came home.

I'll tell you exactly what happened.

I came home. It was 2:30 in the
morning.

You were asleep on the couch.

I tried to woke you, wake you up, but
you wouldn't budge.

So, I-I figured I'd better let you
sleep there, it was late.

So I covered you up, I gave you a
kiss.

I went in the bedroom, I went to
sleep.

I had an early call this morning and
I got up.

I-I-I... You were still asleep, so I
went to work

and I finished my work, I came home.

That's all there is to it.

Oh, come now.

You can do better than that.

She's right.

You can do better than that.

I suppose you always wear your tuxedo

in the studio in the morning?

Well, th-they wanted me to wear the
tuxedo.

They-they were taking some pictures

supposed to be in a nightclub.

Oh, glib, isn't he?

Check with Ross Elliott.

All right, I will.

Oh, oh, wait a minute.

He dropped me here on the way to the
airport.

He's on his way to San Francisco
right now.

How very convenient.

Now, wait a minute.

Now, th-th-th-this, this is
ridiculous.

I'm telling you, I was home last
night!

All right. All right.

If you had to put your tuxedo on
again this morning,

that means that I'll find the shirt
you wore last night

in the clothes hamper, right?

Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay.

Wait a minute.

I had to wear the same shirt.

All the other tuxedo shirts were in
the laundry.

Oh, now, isn't that too bad?

Now, look. This is ridiculous now.

I'm telling you all that I was home
last night.

And you slept in your bed.

Yes.

Then your bed would be unmade.

Yes.

Did you made that bed?

No, I did not "made" that bed.

Has the maid been here?

No, the maid has not been here.

See? Wastepaper basket's full

ashtrays haven't been emptied.

Go ahead.
It's your turn.

Wait, wait, wait.

I'm waiting.

There's something.

There's got to be something.

I know. I got it!

My carnation-- I threw it in the
wastebasket in the bedroom. Ha!

I know I put it in here!

What happened to it?

The phantom maid strikes again.

Oh, now. Come on, now.

Look, I'm telling you,

I'm telling you that I came home last
night.

I came home, it was 2:30 in the
morning.

You were asleep in the couch. I
could...

That's it.

You were asleep in the couch, right?

Yes.

All right. If I wasn't home,

how do I know that you were asleep on
the couch?

Yeah.

Because I just told you.

I told you when you came in

that I was asleep on that couch all
night.

Yeah.

Oh.

Nice try, though.

Oh, I beg your pardon.

I thought I could finish up in here.

I mean, I thought I could do the
room.

Now, look, honey.

You got to listen to me.

I... Finish up in here?

Maid!

Maid?

Maid! Maid, please come here!

Come here, please.

Come here, please.

Come right in here.

Now, look, you just said you wanted
to finish up in here.

Were you here before?

Oh, no. No, I wasn't in here, sir.

It's against the rules for the maid

to enter the room when the guest is
in.

Oh, and please don't tell the manager
I did!

Oh!

You're wonderful.

I love you dearly.

Oh, oh, gee, I wish all the guests
were as nice as this.

Well, I wish all the maids were as
nice as you are.

You're a very nice lady, and I'm
gonna give you

the biggest box of candy you ever
got. I love you.

(blowing kiss)

Ricky,

I'm sorry I thought what I thought.

Can you forgive me?

Listen, for a minute, I was beginning
to wonder

whether I was home last night.

(guffawing)

Let's go, Ethel.

The lovebirds are at it again.

(Lucy laughing)

Oh, look. Here's a program from the
premiere last night.

Yeah.

Yeah, I brought it home last night

so Lucy could see...

How about that?

What?

My alibi.

Oh, no! Was it here all the time?

All night long.

(all laughing)

("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)

ANNOUNCER: The publicity man was Ross
Elliott,

the maid was Iva Shepard and the
starlets were

Dolores Donlon, Maggie Magennis,

Shirley Tegge and Beverly Thompson.

I Love Lucy is a Desilu Production.

Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz

will be back next week at this same
time.