I Love Lucy (1951–1957): Season 4, Episode 14 - Tennessee Bound - full transcript
After getting lost and ending up south in Tennessee, the Ricardos and Mertzes get arrested for speeding and Tennessee Ernie Ford helped them escape, to continue their trip west, to California.
Lucy, I tell you, we're lost.
Shh!
You want to wake them up?
We are not lost.
Well, then, Highway 60's lost.
None of the roads we've been on
for the last hour
are even on the map.
I'll bet we're either
in Canada or Mexico.
Oh, Ethel, stop.
The service station man
will tell us how to get
back on the highway.
Well, where is he?
I don't know.
Howdy, folks. How are ya?
Shh!
I heard you. I heard you.
What? What? What?
Eh, what can I do for you?
Where are we?
What's the matter?
Uh, nothing's the matter, dear.
Everything's fine. We
just stopped for some gas.
Go back to sleep.
Well, this ain't no gas station.
I live here.
You live here?
Yep. For the past seven years,
ever since they
condemned this road.
Oh.
Lucy, where are we?
Uh, uh... where are we?
Uh, where are we, Ethel?
Oh, uh...
I don't know.
I wasn't paying much attention.
Shucks, you're in Tennessee.
Tennessee?
Tennessee?
Tennessee?
Tennessee?
You got a bad echo in that car.
Yeah, well, uh, how do
you get back on Highway 60?
You got here from Highway 60?!
Yeah.
But there ain't no roads.
Hey, you must have
come across that mountain
in them old loggin' ruts.
How'd you do it?
'Tweren't easy.
Tell me, uh, where
is the next city?
Well, uh, you can get
to Nashville from here.
You-you go straight
down here a piece
un-until you get
to that big road
and you stay right on it
and it'll take you right
through Bent Fork.
Mm-hmm.
Bent Fork?
Bent Fork?
Bent Fork?
Bent Fork?
There goes that echo again.
Yeah, well, back over
those old loggin' ruts.
Oh, no, Lucy.
Listen, Ethel,
Bent Fork is Ernie
Ford's hometown.
If we run into him, we'll
never get to California.
Hey, do you folks
know my cousin Ernie?
Oh, yeah, we know him.
He stayed overnight with us
for a couple of weeks once.
Well, don't you like him?
Oh, we love him,
but, uh, we, uh we
don't want to run into him.
He'd make us, uh, move right in.
Well, Cousin Ernie's like that.
Yeah.
Yeah, well, look, uh,
is there any other way
to get back to civilization
without having to go
through Bent Fork?
Well... uh, let's see.
You're here.
You're gonna...
Nope. You can't get there.
Okay, come on, I'll drive.
Let's go.
What do you mean, you'll drive?
We're not taking any chances.
We're gonna go
through Bent Fork,
but as Cousin Ernie would
say, "We're going through
like a bobcat with a
burr under his tail."
Now get!
That's the most ridiculous
thing I ever heard of.
Shh!
We were not speeding at all.
You have no right to arrest us!
Yeah, well, that'll
be up to the sheriff.
Yeah, well, we'll just see
what the sheriff
has to say about this.
It's just our word
against yours, you know?
I got to make up my report.
Yeah, well...
Now, look, honey, I
know these little towns.
Now, the best thing for
us to do is say we're guilty,
pay the fine and
get out of here.
He's right, Lucy.
No! It's a matter of principle!
Never mind that.
There we are.
There's the report.
You see, uh, I'm not, uh,
normally the arresting officer.
He's sick today.
I'm normally the sheriff.
Eww!
I'll handle this.
Now, uh, let's see here.
According to this report,
by the officer
who arrested you...
Oh, that's all, brother.
Now, just a minute, young lady.
This is a court of law and order
and I'm aiming to run it
as honest as is
humanly possible.
Ha!
Now, you're charged
with driving lickety-split
down the main road of
Bent Fork at 40 miles an hour.
Guilty or not guilty?
Guilty.
Not guilty.
That's impossible.
You was in the
same car, wasn't you?
Was your side of the car
going slower than his'n?
No. My side was going
the same speed as his'n.
Was you a-driving?
No.
Well, then hesh up.
I won't hesh up.
Hesh up!
I won't!
I just happened to be looking
at the speedometer at the time
and we were not
going 40 miles an hour!
Oh, is that so?
Well, now, how fast would
you say you were driving?
Well... uh...
Let me help you. 35?
Less.
Thirty-four.
Thirty-three?
Thirty.
Well, you wasn't backing
through town, was you?
No. 30 Sounds about right.
I mean, 30.
That's what it was. 30.
All right. Now I wasn't brung up
to doubt the word of a lady.
If you say it's 30, 30 it is.
Well, that's better.
All right. The charge now reads
going through town
at 30 miles an hour.
That's right.
Well, the speed limit
is 15 miles an hour.
Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay.
The fine will be $50.
$50?! $50?!
You tourists got to learn
not to go boring through here
like you was the governor
with a police escort.
All right. Here.
Don't you pay that. Shh!
Now, looka here, young lady.
Don't you get my dander up.
Well, you've got my dander up!
You have no
right to fine us $50!
That's enough!
If you so much as say "boo",
I'm going to waltz you
right into the pokey.
Here. Come on, let's go.
All right.
Boo.
Are you crazy or something?!
Into the cooler
you go for 24 hours.
Oh, now wait a minute.
You can't mean that.
I certainly do.
Oh, she just does things
like that all the time.
She hasn't got much sense.
Yeah, well...
Come on.
Oh... Ricky!
What do you want me to do?!
Well, call Ernie Ford.
Oh?
Do you know Ernie Ford?
Well, we certainly
do, don't we?!
Oh, yeah.
Good old Cousin Ernie.
He's one of our best friends.
Yeah, yeah. Do you know him?
I should say I do.
Well, how about that?!
He knows Cousin Ernie.
Yeah, fine, fine.
Yes, sir.
That no-account hound dog.
He jilted one of my daughters,
and since you're such
a good friend of his'n,
you can just set in
there for 48 hours!
Come on.
Right in here.
Well, there's just
one thing to do, Ricky.
Go on without me.
Oh, now, honey, don't be silly.
Go ahead. You could send
me a postcard now and then,
and tell me what
Hollywood is like
and Ethel, say hello
to Clark Gable for me.
Maybe on your way
back, you could stop,
and by that time,
I'll be paroled.
Oh, now, honey,
don't feel that way.
We'll think of something,
honey. Don't worry.
Gee, folks! Howdy-do?!
Ernie!
Hey!
Cousin Fred.
Hi, Ernie.
Cousin Ethel.
Cousin Ricky.
Hi, Ernie.
And Cousin Jailbird.
Hi, Ernie. How'd you
know we were here?
Oh, it's the biggest
news in town.
Oh, you're all over town.
Biggest news since the preacher
dropped his uppers in the well.
Ernie, we're in an awful mess.
The sheriff put Lucy in jail
for 48 hours for being sassy.
Yeah, I couldn't help it.
He made me so mad.
Well, he makes everybody mad.
He's about as popular
as a skunk at the picnic.
Well, he doesn't seem
to like you very well.
Listen, have you got any ideas
on how we could
get Lucy out of jail?
Don't you worry, amigo.
Like the United States Murines,
I have come prepared.
Prepared for what, Ernie?
Shh.
Don't cut yourself now.
There.
There.
What do you want
us to do with these?
Saw through them bars.
Oh, that'll never work.
Cousin Fred, it is time
for desperate measures.
You've heard of being up
the creek without a paddle?
We ain't even got a boat.
Yeah, yeah, Ernie's right, Fred.
Come on, let's give it a try.
Yeah, okay.
Oh, geez!
Not yet!
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
I could have swore I
heard a suspicious sound.
Oh?
I never heard
nothing suspicious.
Did you kinfolks?
No. Oh, no.
Everything here is
natural. Not a thing.
Very quiet out here.
Now you see there, Sheriff?
You're, you're a-hearing
things that ain't there again.
Just like you thought
you hear them wedding
bells a-ringing out.
Hesh up, you coward.
Hmm.
Any law against serenading
a cousin in your pokey?
No.
No more than there's
a law against a weasel
breaking his word to
womanhood's fairest flower.
That'll stick in old
sour-jaw's craw
the rest of his living days.
Now, look, here's what
we're gonna do. Come here.
Lucy, you work with her.
I'm going to sing a song
and everybody sing
and make lots of noises.
Yeah, yeah. and you
get down there eventually.
Okay. We have to sing,
too? You sing and sing loud.
Ah, Cousin Lucy, are
there a favorite song
that you'd like for
me to pick and sing?
Uh, uh, how about, uh, "Old
MacDonald Had a Farm"?
Happens to be number
one on my repertory.
Are you ready?
Yeah.
♪ Old MacDonald had a farm ♪
♪ E-i-e-i-o ♪
♪ And on this
farm, he had a pig ♪
♪ E-i-e-i-o ♪
♪ With an oink-oink here
and an oink-oink there ♪
♪ Here an oink, there an
oink, everywhere an oink-oink ♪
♪ Old MacDonald had a farm ♪
♪ E-i-e-i-o ♪
Ernie...
it's much too fast.
Slow it down.
♪ Old MacDonald had a farm ♪
♪ E-i-e-i-o ♪
♪ And on this farm,
he had a duck ♪
♪ E-i-e-i-o ♪
♪ With a quack-quack here
and a quack-quack there ♪
♪ Here a quack, there a quack,
everywhere a quack-quack ♪
♪ Oink-oink here,
oink-oink there ♪
♪ Here an oink, there an
oink, everywhere an oink-oink ♪
♪ Old MacDonald had a farm ♪
♪ E-i-e-i-o. ♪
One more.
One more.
One more.
♪ Old Macdonald had a farm ♪
♪ E-i-e-i-o ♪
♪ And on this farm he had a... ♪
A... saw.
♪ Saw ♪
♪ E-i-e-i-o ♪
♪ With a buzz-buzz here
and a buzz-buzz there ♪
♪ Here a buzz, there a buzz,
everywhere a buzz-buzz ♪
♪ Quack-quack here,
quack-quack there ♪
♪ Here a quack, there a quack,
everywhere a quack-quack ♪
♪ Oink-oink here,
oink-oink there ♪
♪ Here an oink, there an
oink, everywhere an oink-oink ♪
♪ Old MacDonald had a farm ♪
♪ E-i-e-i-o ♪
♪ O... ♪
♪ E-i-e-i-o. ♪
Say, that song
certainly cheered me up.
Ha, ha.
You know, music makes
me feel kindly toward folks.
Oh, good, good.
Folks, not weasels.
Yeah.
You liked, you
liked the song, eh?
Oh, I liked it fine, yeah.
Yeah, well, why don't
you go back in your office
and we'll serenade
you some more, Sheriff.
Yeah.
Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay... ♪
That's awfully nice of you,
but, uh, I feel a little guilty.
I-I was a little, uh, hot-headed
back there a while ago.
I'm sorry. I'm gonna
let the little lady out.
You are?
Yeah.
Out of the way, weasel.
There you are, young lady...
♪ Write me a letter ♪
♪ Send it by mail ♪
♪ Send it in care of ♪
♪ Birmingham Jail ♪
Ernie. ♪ Birming... ♪
Ernie. Huh?
Look, cousin, would you
mind stop singing a minute?
I like your voice
and everything,
but, you know,
I'm kind of upset.
Well, you ain't half
as upset as I am.
You can lay the blame
for this whole mess
right on my front doorstoop.
Aw, Ernie, you
mustn't feel that way.
Well, I do.
Here you drive all the way
down here to Bent Fork to see me
and you was all teeth to
see your old cousin again
and you just come
a-thunderin' into town
like a runaway mule
train, and what happens?
You get yourself arrested.
Now, ain't that the
cotton-pickin' end?
Yeah, that's the
cotton-pickin' end.
Now, look, it's my fault.
I got you into it
and I'm gonna hatch up something
to get you out of it.
♪ Roses love sunshine,
violets love dew... ♪
Ernie? Ernie?
Huh?
Do you have to
cackle while you hatch?
Cousin Fred, I can't help it.
Singing is the way I get
my brain cells to leaping.
I'm a-singin' on the outside,
but I'm a-thinkin'
on the inside.
♪ Angels in heaven, oh... ♪
Ha!
What? What?
I got it, I got it.
In just a few minutes,
you're going to be
breathing the free air
of Bent Fork once again.
Well, what are you gonna do?
Oh, let me tell you something.
I'm a-gonna marry
the sheriff's daughter.
Oh, no.
Oh, Ernie, you'd
do that just for us?
Yeah, well, it won't be so bad.
Teensy's kind of pretty...
Teensy, that's her
name... Oh, she's got skin
like fresh-churned buttermilk.
Well, it doesn't sound so bad.
Well, she's not bad...
Come on, girls.
Teensy, Weensy, come on.
Daddy, yes, Daddy.
You can't do it, boy!
You can't do it!
I won't let you, boy.
I said I's a-gonna do it
and I'm a-gonna do it.
Sheriff! Sheriff!
Sheriff!!
What's the matter?
Hush up!
What's all this caterwaulin'?
Nothing, Sheriff.
Nothing. Just playing a game.
I want to talk to you.
I ain't got nothing
to say to you.
It's about your
daughter's future.
Huh?
Well...
Come on out.
There. Now, what was it
you wanted to talk about, son?
See here. Come on
into my office, Ernie boy.
Hi, Ernie.
Hi.
Is it all over?
Yup.
What happened?
Well, I went in there
and I took Teensy aside,
and I proposed to her.
Oh, Ernie.
And I was that surprised
when she turned me down.
What? She turned you down?
Yeah.
Why?
It was Weensy
and she can't stand
the sight of me.
Oh, well, how did that happen?
Well, I had a hold
of the wrong one.
They're as alike as
two peas in a pod
or two watermelons in a patch.
So, when I seen that I
had a hold of Weensy
I turned her loose,
walked right around her...
Which is no small trip...
And I proposed to Teensy,
and she turned me down.
She said, "I ain't a-gonna
play second fiddle."
Oh. Oh.
Well, what do we do now?
Well, now, here's the
way I've corked the jug.
Now, now, Weensy and
Teensy are just a-dyin'
to get into the movin' pictures
and, huh, they're just
made for the wide screen.
Yeah?
So, I told the sheriff that
you'd just be delighted
to haul them into
Hollerwood with you.
What? Ernie, we can't do that.
Oh, Ernie!
You can't?
Of course not.
That's out of the question.
Oh, and the sheriff's out here,
inviting everybody in the county
for a big farewell
party for the girls.
Oh, Ernie, we couldn't do that.
Ernie, go... go
get him, will you?
Tell him to call it off!
Hey, have you any idea
where the sheriff might be?
Nope.
"Nope."
Ooh-whee!
Ernie, oh, boy, am
I glad to see you.
Did you find him, Ernie, huh?
No, I didn't find him.
I got me a horse,
and I followed him
from farm to farm, and
I never did catch him.
Past hour, I've been
a-ridin' on a solid blister.
You can call me
"tall in the saddle."
Oh, what are we gonna do?
Hey, hey, here
comes the music fellas!
Oh, the music fellas,
they got the whole thing...
Hey, boys, come here, come here.
Here, here. Come here.
Now, you boys stay right there.
We'll be ready
for you in a minute.
Well, there comes the sheriff!
What? Good. Good.
There he comes.
Oh, Sheriff, Sheriff...
He won't... He won't...
Oh, say, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I was so
excited about the party
an-and losing my two daughters
that I plumb forgot
to let you loose.
Yeah, but look, Sheriff, look.
Come here a minute, would you?
I want to speak
Yeah? to you. Look,
I didn't tell Ernie
that I was going to take
the girls to Hollywood.
As a matter of fact...
Well, just a minute there.
I don't blame you a mite, son.
You haven't seen them perform.
You just want to be
sure they got talent, eh?
Yeah, well, now,
look. Girls, come in!
Teensy? Weensy? Come
here. Come out here.
Yes, Papa. Yeah, yeah.
Mr. Ricardo wants
to see you perform.
Oh, sure.
Do that "Ricochet
Romance." All right.
Ernie, you have the
boys fire the first shot.
Would you just
listen for a minute?
Please, please, listen.
A-one, two, three, four.
♪ They warned me
when you kissed me ♪
♪ Your love would ricochet ♪
Aha!
♪ Your lips would find another ♪
♪ And your heart
would go astray ♪
♪ I thought that I
could hold you ♪
♪ With all my many charms ♪
♪ But then one
day you ricocheted ♪
♪ To someone else's arms ♪
♪ And, baby ♪
♪ I don't want a
ricochet romance ♪
♪ I don't want a ricochet love ♪
♪ If you're careless
with your kisses ♪
♪ Find another turtledove ♪
♪ I can't live on
ricochet romance ♪
♪ No, no, not me ♪
♪ If you're gonna
ricochet, baby ♪
♪ I'm gonna set you free. ♪
Ha, ha. Yay.
Fine, dear, fine.
Well, uh, Mr. Ricardo?
Well, uh, yeah, well, um...
Yeah, it's gonna
be a little difficult
to 'splain to you this, Sheriff.
Sheriff, you see, it's got
nothing to do with the girls.
You see, this is the first time
that I'm going out
to Hollywood myself.
I-I don't know
anybody out there.
I don't even know anything
about the place or...
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
What are you trying to get at?
Well, Sheriff, I'm
trying to tell you
that I cannot possibly
take your girls with me.
What?!
I tried to tell you
before, but you...
All right, well, maybe
you'll change your mind,
cooling your heels
for 20 or 30 days.
Into the clink again with you.
Oh... Sheriff...
Get in there.
Papa, we want to
ask you a question.
Come here, Papa.
We want to ask
What? you something.
What? Come here.
Do you think we could
dance with Mr. Ricardo?
Oh.
Ask him. Ask him.
Before I lock you up,
they want to know if you'll,
if you'll dance with them.
I'm in no mood to dance.
Wait a minute. Wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Let me talk to him a minute.
I think I can get him
to change his mind.
Now, you simmer there a minute.
Yeah.
Come here. I want
to tell you something.
You know how to
square-dance don't you?
Yeah. Yeah.
Now, in Tennessee,
we got some calls,
I'll do this, now...
Yeah?
Oh, yeah.
Well, on my calls, you
watch what I do and you...
Uh-huh.
Okay. Now, have you got it?
Oh, sure.
Yeah. Right.
Yeah. Okay.
All right, let's do it.
Sheriff. Yeah?
He said all right.
He'll dance with them
if you'll square-dance
so that he can dance
with both of them at once.
Okay.
Good lucky!
Come on out. Form a square.
All right.
Here we go. Cousin Ricky,
Cousin Lucy, right here.
Cousin Ethel, Cousin Fred,
you get right over there.
All right.
Sheriff, you dance with
Teensy right over there.
Zeke? Zeke?
Yeah, Cousin Ernie?
Come here, come here.
You dance with Weensy.
Come here now, right there.
Music fellas, follow
me, right over here.
Now, right there, right there.
Are yous ready?
Yeah, yeah.
Let's have some music.
♪ All jump up and
never come down ♪
♪ Swing your honey
around and around ♪
♪ Allemande left
with a left allemande ♪
♪ Nod to your honey
and a right-left grand ♪
♪ Hand over hand
and around the lane ♪
♪ The faster you go,
the better you feel ♪
♪ Meet your honey
and meet your maid ♪
♪ There she is,
boys, promenade ♪
♪ Promenade eight
till you get straight ♪
♪ Promenade her home ♪
♪ Now, the first and
third, forward and back ♪
♪ Side couples
forward and back ♪
♪ First and third
right and left through ♪
♪ Side couples right
and left through ♪
♪ First and third
right and left back ♪
♪ Side couples
right and left back ♪
♪ Now, head ladies
chain across ♪
♪ Side ladies do the same ♪
♪ Head ladies chain right back ♪
♪ Side ladies the
same old tack ♪
♪ Now go to the left
with a left allemande ♪
♪ Right to your honey
and a right-left grand ♪
♪ This is the one, keep
your fingers crossed ♪
♪ If it don't work,
we'll all be lost ♪
Hey!
♪ Now, all join hands,
circle and swing ♪
♪ Down the center
and split the ring ♪
♪ Now, ladies go
right, gents go wrong ♪
♪ Join hands and circle 'round ♪
♪ First couple rip and snort ♪
♪ Down the center
and cut it off short... ♪
♪ Here we go on
the heel and toe ♪
♪ Hurry, up, cowboys,
don't be slow ♪
♪ There we go,
they're tied up good ♪
♪ Say hello to Hollywood! ♪
Next week I Love Lucy
will be brought to you
by Proctor & Gamble,
makers of cheer.
Cousin Ernie was
played by Ernie Ford.
The sheriff was Will Wright.
The twins were Rosalyn
and Marilyn Borden
and the gas station
man was Aaron Spelling.
I Love Lucy is a
Desilu Production.
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz
will be back next
week at this same time.
Shh!
You want to wake them up?
We are not lost.
Well, then, Highway 60's lost.
None of the roads we've been on
for the last hour
are even on the map.
I'll bet we're either
in Canada or Mexico.
Oh, Ethel, stop.
The service station man
will tell us how to get
back on the highway.
Well, where is he?
I don't know.
Howdy, folks. How are ya?
Shh!
I heard you. I heard you.
What? What? What?
Eh, what can I do for you?
Where are we?
What's the matter?
Uh, nothing's the matter, dear.
Everything's fine. We
just stopped for some gas.
Go back to sleep.
Well, this ain't no gas station.
I live here.
You live here?
Yep. For the past seven years,
ever since they
condemned this road.
Oh.
Lucy, where are we?
Uh, uh... where are we?
Uh, where are we, Ethel?
Oh, uh...
I don't know.
I wasn't paying much attention.
Shucks, you're in Tennessee.
Tennessee?
Tennessee?
Tennessee?
Tennessee?
You got a bad echo in that car.
Yeah, well, uh, how do
you get back on Highway 60?
You got here from Highway 60?!
Yeah.
But there ain't no roads.
Hey, you must have
come across that mountain
in them old loggin' ruts.
How'd you do it?
'Tweren't easy.
Tell me, uh, where
is the next city?
Well, uh, you can get
to Nashville from here.
You-you go straight
down here a piece
un-until you get
to that big road
and you stay right on it
and it'll take you right
through Bent Fork.
Mm-hmm.
Bent Fork?
Bent Fork?
Bent Fork?
Bent Fork?
There goes that echo again.
Yeah, well, back over
those old loggin' ruts.
Oh, no, Lucy.
Listen, Ethel,
Bent Fork is Ernie
Ford's hometown.
If we run into him, we'll
never get to California.
Hey, do you folks
know my cousin Ernie?
Oh, yeah, we know him.
He stayed overnight with us
for a couple of weeks once.
Well, don't you like him?
Oh, we love him,
but, uh, we, uh we
don't want to run into him.
He'd make us, uh, move right in.
Well, Cousin Ernie's like that.
Yeah.
Yeah, well, look, uh,
is there any other way
to get back to civilization
without having to go
through Bent Fork?
Well... uh, let's see.
You're here.
You're gonna...
Nope. You can't get there.
Okay, come on, I'll drive.
Let's go.
What do you mean, you'll drive?
We're not taking any chances.
We're gonna go
through Bent Fork,
but as Cousin Ernie would
say, "We're going through
like a bobcat with a
burr under his tail."
Now get!
That's the most ridiculous
thing I ever heard of.
Shh!
We were not speeding at all.
You have no right to arrest us!
Yeah, well, that'll
be up to the sheriff.
Yeah, well, we'll just see
what the sheriff
has to say about this.
It's just our word
against yours, you know?
I got to make up my report.
Yeah, well...
Now, look, honey, I
know these little towns.
Now, the best thing for
us to do is say we're guilty,
pay the fine and
get out of here.
He's right, Lucy.
No! It's a matter of principle!
Never mind that.
There we are.
There's the report.
You see, uh, I'm not, uh,
normally the arresting officer.
He's sick today.
I'm normally the sheriff.
Eww!
I'll handle this.
Now, uh, let's see here.
According to this report,
by the officer
who arrested you...
Oh, that's all, brother.
Now, just a minute, young lady.
This is a court of law and order
and I'm aiming to run it
as honest as is
humanly possible.
Ha!
Now, you're charged
with driving lickety-split
down the main road of
Bent Fork at 40 miles an hour.
Guilty or not guilty?
Guilty.
Not guilty.
That's impossible.
You was in the
same car, wasn't you?
Was your side of the car
going slower than his'n?
No. My side was going
the same speed as his'n.
Was you a-driving?
No.
Well, then hesh up.
I won't hesh up.
Hesh up!
I won't!
I just happened to be looking
at the speedometer at the time
and we were not
going 40 miles an hour!
Oh, is that so?
Well, now, how fast would
you say you were driving?
Well... uh...
Let me help you. 35?
Less.
Thirty-four.
Thirty-three?
Thirty.
Well, you wasn't backing
through town, was you?
No. 30 Sounds about right.
I mean, 30.
That's what it was. 30.
All right. Now I wasn't brung up
to doubt the word of a lady.
If you say it's 30, 30 it is.
Well, that's better.
All right. The charge now reads
going through town
at 30 miles an hour.
That's right.
Well, the speed limit
is 15 miles an hour.
Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay.
The fine will be $50.
$50?! $50?!
You tourists got to learn
not to go boring through here
like you was the governor
with a police escort.
All right. Here.
Don't you pay that. Shh!
Now, looka here, young lady.
Don't you get my dander up.
Well, you've got my dander up!
You have no
right to fine us $50!
That's enough!
If you so much as say "boo",
I'm going to waltz you
right into the pokey.
Here. Come on, let's go.
All right.
Boo.
Are you crazy or something?!
Into the cooler
you go for 24 hours.
Oh, now wait a minute.
You can't mean that.
I certainly do.
Oh, she just does things
like that all the time.
She hasn't got much sense.
Yeah, well...
Come on.
Oh... Ricky!
What do you want me to do?!
Well, call Ernie Ford.
Oh?
Do you know Ernie Ford?
Well, we certainly
do, don't we?!
Oh, yeah.
Good old Cousin Ernie.
He's one of our best friends.
Yeah, yeah. Do you know him?
I should say I do.
Well, how about that?!
He knows Cousin Ernie.
Yeah, fine, fine.
Yes, sir.
That no-account hound dog.
He jilted one of my daughters,
and since you're such
a good friend of his'n,
you can just set in
there for 48 hours!
Come on.
Right in here.
Well, there's just
one thing to do, Ricky.
Go on without me.
Oh, now, honey, don't be silly.
Go ahead. You could send
me a postcard now and then,
and tell me what
Hollywood is like
and Ethel, say hello
to Clark Gable for me.
Maybe on your way
back, you could stop,
and by that time,
I'll be paroled.
Oh, now, honey,
don't feel that way.
We'll think of something,
honey. Don't worry.
Gee, folks! Howdy-do?!
Ernie!
Hey!
Cousin Fred.
Hi, Ernie.
Cousin Ethel.
Cousin Ricky.
Hi, Ernie.
And Cousin Jailbird.
Hi, Ernie. How'd you
know we were here?
Oh, it's the biggest
news in town.
Oh, you're all over town.
Biggest news since the preacher
dropped his uppers in the well.
Ernie, we're in an awful mess.
The sheriff put Lucy in jail
for 48 hours for being sassy.
Yeah, I couldn't help it.
He made me so mad.
Well, he makes everybody mad.
He's about as popular
as a skunk at the picnic.
Well, he doesn't seem
to like you very well.
Listen, have you got any ideas
on how we could
get Lucy out of jail?
Don't you worry, amigo.
Like the United States Murines,
I have come prepared.
Prepared for what, Ernie?
Shh.
Don't cut yourself now.
There.
There.
What do you want
us to do with these?
Saw through them bars.
Oh, that'll never work.
Cousin Fred, it is time
for desperate measures.
You've heard of being up
the creek without a paddle?
We ain't even got a boat.
Yeah, yeah, Ernie's right, Fred.
Come on, let's give it a try.
Yeah, okay.
Oh, geez!
Not yet!
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
I could have swore I
heard a suspicious sound.
Oh?
I never heard
nothing suspicious.
Did you kinfolks?
No. Oh, no.
Everything here is
natural. Not a thing.
Very quiet out here.
Now you see there, Sheriff?
You're, you're a-hearing
things that ain't there again.
Just like you thought
you hear them wedding
bells a-ringing out.
Hesh up, you coward.
Hmm.
Any law against serenading
a cousin in your pokey?
No.
No more than there's
a law against a weasel
breaking his word to
womanhood's fairest flower.
That'll stick in old
sour-jaw's craw
the rest of his living days.
Now, look, here's what
we're gonna do. Come here.
Lucy, you work with her.
I'm going to sing a song
and everybody sing
and make lots of noises.
Yeah, yeah. and you
get down there eventually.
Okay. We have to sing,
too? You sing and sing loud.
Ah, Cousin Lucy, are
there a favorite song
that you'd like for
me to pick and sing?
Uh, uh, how about, uh, "Old
MacDonald Had a Farm"?
Happens to be number
one on my repertory.
Are you ready?
Yeah.
♪ Old MacDonald had a farm ♪
♪ E-i-e-i-o ♪
♪ And on this
farm, he had a pig ♪
♪ E-i-e-i-o ♪
♪ With an oink-oink here
and an oink-oink there ♪
♪ Here an oink, there an
oink, everywhere an oink-oink ♪
♪ Old MacDonald had a farm ♪
♪ E-i-e-i-o ♪
Ernie...
it's much too fast.
Slow it down.
♪ Old MacDonald had a farm ♪
♪ E-i-e-i-o ♪
♪ And on this farm,
he had a duck ♪
♪ E-i-e-i-o ♪
♪ With a quack-quack here
and a quack-quack there ♪
♪ Here a quack, there a quack,
everywhere a quack-quack ♪
♪ Oink-oink here,
oink-oink there ♪
♪ Here an oink, there an
oink, everywhere an oink-oink ♪
♪ Old MacDonald had a farm ♪
♪ E-i-e-i-o. ♪
One more.
One more.
One more.
♪ Old Macdonald had a farm ♪
♪ E-i-e-i-o ♪
♪ And on this farm he had a... ♪
A... saw.
♪ Saw ♪
♪ E-i-e-i-o ♪
♪ With a buzz-buzz here
and a buzz-buzz there ♪
♪ Here a buzz, there a buzz,
everywhere a buzz-buzz ♪
♪ Quack-quack here,
quack-quack there ♪
♪ Here a quack, there a quack,
everywhere a quack-quack ♪
♪ Oink-oink here,
oink-oink there ♪
♪ Here an oink, there an
oink, everywhere an oink-oink ♪
♪ Old MacDonald had a farm ♪
♪ E-i-e-i-o ♪
♪ O... ♪
♪ E-i-e-i-o. ♪
Say, that song
certainly cheered me up.
Ha, ha.
You know, music makes
me feel kindly toward folks.
Oh, good, good.
Folks, not weasels.
Yeah.
You liked, you
liked the song, eh?
Oh, I liked it fine, yeah.
Yeah, well, why don't
you go back in your office
and we'll serenade
you some more, Sheriff.
Yeah.
Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay... ♪
That's awfully nice of you,
but, uh, I feel a little guilty.
I-I was a little, uh, hot-headed
back there a while ago.
I'm sorry. I'm gonna
let the little lady out.
You are?
Yeah.
Out of the way, weasel.
There you are, young lady...
♪ Write me a letter ♪
♪ Send it by mail ♪
♪ Send it in care of ♪
♪ Birmingham Jail ♪
Ernie. ♪ Birming... ♪
Ernie. Huh?
Look, cousin, would you
mind stop singing a minute?
I like your voice
and everything,
but, you know,
I'm kind of upset.
Well, you ain't half
as upset as I am.
You can lay the blame
for this whole mess
right on my front doorstoop.
Aw, Ernie, you
mustn't feel that way.
Well, I do.
Here you drive all the way
down here to Bent Fork to see me
and you was all teeth to
see your old cousin again
and you just come
a-thunderin' into town
like a runaway mule
train, and what happens?
You get yourself arrested.
Now, ain't that the
cotton-pickin' end?
Yeah, that's the
cotton-pickin' end.
Now, look, it's my fault.
I got you into it
and I'm gonna hatch up something
to get you out of it.
♪ Roses love sunshine,
violets love dew... ♪
Ernie? Ernie?
Huh?
Do you have to
cackle while you hatch?
Cousin Fred, I can't help it.
Singing is the way I get
my brain cells to leaping.
I'm a-singin' on the outside,
but I'm a-thinkin'
on the inside.
♪ Angels in heaven, oh... ♪
Ha!
What? What?
I got it, I got it.
In just a few minutes,
you're going to be
breathing the free air
of Bent Fork once again.
Well, what are you gonna do?
Oh, let me tell you something.
I'm a-gonna marry
the sheriff's daughter.
Oh, no.
Oh, Ernie, you'd
do that just for us?
Yeah, well, it won't be so bad.
Teensy's kind of pretty...
Teensy, that's her
name... Oh, she's got skin
like fresh-churned buttermilk.
Well, it doesn't sound so bad.
Well, she's not bad...
Come on, girls.
Teensy, Weensy, come on.
Daddy, yes, Daddy.
You can't do it, boy!
You can't do it!
I won't let you, boy.
I said I's a-gonna do it
and I'm a-gonna do it.
Sheriff! Sheriff!
Sheriff!!
What's the matter?
Hush up!
What's all this caterwaulin'?
Nothing, Sheriff.
Nothing. Just playing a game.
I want to talk to you.
I ain't got nothing
to say to you.
It's about your
daughter's future.
Huh?
Well...
Come on out.
There. Now, what was it
you wanted to talk about, son?
See here. Come on
into my office, Ernie boy.
Hi, Ernie.
Hi.
Is it all over?
Yup.
What happened?
Well, I went in there
and I took Teensy aside,
and I proposed to her.
Oh, Ernie.
And I was that surprised
when she turned me down.
What? She turned you down?
Yeah.
Why?
It was Weensy
and she can't stand
the sight of me.
Oh, well, how did that happen?
Well, I had a hold
of the wrong one.
They're as alike as
two peas in a pod
or two watermelons in a patch.
So, when I seen that I
had a hold of Weensy
I turned her loose,
walked right around her...
Which is no small trip...
And I proposed to Teensy,
and she turned me down.
She said, "I ain't a-gonna
play second fiddle."
Oh. Oh.
Well, what do we do now?
Well, now, here's the
way I've corked the jug.
Now, now, Weensy and
Teensy are just a-dyin'
to get into the movin' pictures
and, huh, they're just
made for the wide screen.
Yeah?
So, I told the sheriff that
you'd just be delighted
to haul them into
Hollerwood with you.
What? Ernie, we can't do that.
Oh, Ernie!
You can't?
Of course not.
That's out of the question.
Oh, and the sheriff's out here,
inviting everybody in the county
for a big farewell
party for the girls.
Oh, Ernie, we couldn't do that.
Ernie, go... go
get him, will you?
Tell him to call it off!
Hey, have you any idea
where the sheriff might be?
Nope.
"Nope."
Ooh-whee!
Ernie, oh, boy, am
I glad to see you.
Did you find him, Ernie, huh?
No, I didn't find him.
I got me a horse,
and I followed him
from farm to farm, and
I never did catch him.
Past hour, I've been
a-ridin' on a solid blister.
You can call me
"tall in the saddle."
Oh, what are we gonna do?
Hey, hey, here
comes the music fellas!
Oh, the music fellas,
they got the whole thing...
Hey, boys, come here, come here.
Here, here. Come here.
Now, you boys stay right there.
We'll be ready
for you in a minute.
Well, there comes the sheriff!
What? Good. Good.
There he comes.
Oh, Sheriff, Sheriff...
He won't... He won't...
Oh, say, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I was so
excited about the party
an-and losing my two daughters
that I plumb forgot
to let you loose.
Yeah, but look, Sheriff, look.
Come here a minute, would you?
I want to speak
Yeah? to you. Look,
I didn't tell Ernie
that I was going to take
the girls to Hollywood.
As a matter of fact...
Well, just a minute there.
I don't blame you a mite, son.
You haven't seen them perform.
You just want to be
sure they got talent, eh?
Yeah, well, now,
look. Girls, come in!
Teensy? Weensy? Come
here. Come out here.
Yes, Papa. Yeah, yeah.
Mr. Ricardo wants
to see you perform.
Oh, sure.
Do that "Ricochet
Romance." All right.
Ernie, you have the
boys fire the first shot.
Would you just
listen for a minute?
Please, please, listen.
A-one, two, three, four.
♪ They warned me
when you kissed me ♪
♪ Your love would ricochet ♪
Aha!
♪ Your lips would find another ♪
♪ And your heart
would go astray ♪
♪ I thought that I
could hold you ♪
♪ With all my many charms ♪
♪ But then one
day you ricocheted ♪
♪ To someone else's arms ♪
♪ And, baby ♪
♪ I don't want a
ricochet romance ♪
♪ I don't want a ricochet love ♪
♪ If you're careless
with your kisses ♪
♪ Find another turtledove ♪
♪ I can't live on
ricochet romance ♪
♪ No, no, not me ♪
♪ If you're gonna
ricochet, baby ♪
♪ I'm gonna set you free. ♪
Ha, ha. Yay.
Fine, dear, fine.
Well, uh, Mr. Ricardo?
Well, uh, yeah, well, um...
Yeah, it's gonna
be a little difficult
to 'splain to you this, Sheriff.
Sheriff, you see, it's got
nothing to do with the girls.
You see, this is the first time
that I'm going out
to Hollywood myself.
I-I don't know
anybody out there.
I don't even know anything
about the place or...
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
What are you trying to get at?
Well, Sheriff, I'm
trying to tell you
that I cannot possibly
take your girls with me.
What?!
I tried to tell you
before, but you...
All right, well, maybe
you'll change your mind,
cooling your heels
for 20 or 30 days.
Into the clink again with you.
Oh... Sheriff...
Get in there.
Papa, we want to
ask you a question.
Come here, Papa.
We want to ask
What? you something.
What? Come here.
Do you think we could
dance with Mr. Ricardo?
Oh.
Ask him. Ask him.
Before I lock you up,
they want to know if you'll,
if you'll dance with them.
I'm in no mood to dance.
Wait a minute. Wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Let me talk to him a minute.
I think I can get him
to change his mind.
Now, you simmer there a minute.
Yeah.
Come here. I want
to tell you something.
You know how to
square-dance don't you?
Yeah. Yeah.
Now, in Tennessee,
we got some calls,
I'll do this, now...
Yeah?
Oh, yeah.
Well, on my calls, you
watch what I do and you...
Uh-huh.
Okay. Now, have you got it?
Oh, sure.
Yeah. Right.
Yeah. Okay.
All right, let's do it.
Sheriff. Yeah?
He said all right.
He'll dance with them
if you'll square-dance
so that he can dance
with both of them at once.
Okay.
Good lucky!
Come on out. Form a square.
All right.
Here we go. Cousin Ricky,
Cousin Lucy, right here.
Cousin Ethel, Cousin Fred,
you get right over there.
All right.
Sheriff, you dance with
Teensy right over there.
Zeke? Zeke?
Yeah, Cousin Ernie?
Come here, come here.
You dance with Weensy.
Come here now, right there.
Music fellas, follow
me, right over here.
Now, right there, right there.
Are yous ready?
Yeah, yeah.
Let's have some music.
♪ All jump up and
never come down ♪
♪ Swing your honey
around and around ♪
♪ Allemande left
with a left allemande ♪
♪ Nod to your honey
and a right-left grand ♪
♪ Hand over hand
and around the lane ♪
♪ The faster you go,
the better you feel ♪
♪ Meet your honey
and meet your maid ♪
♪ There she is,
boys, promenade ♪
♪ Promenade eight
till you get straight ♪
♪ Promenade her home ♪
♪ Now, the first and
third, forward and back ♪
♪ Side couples
forward and back ♪
♪ First and third
right and left through ♪
♪ Side couples right
and left through ♪
♪ First and third
right and left back ♪
♪ Side couples
right and left back ♪
♪ Now, head ladies
chain across ♪
♪ Side ladies do the same ♪
♪ Head ladies chain right back ♪
♪ Side ladies the
same old tack ♪
♪ Now go to the left
with a left allemande ♪
♪ Right to your honey
and a right-left grand ♪
♪ This is the one, keep
your fingers crossed ♪
♪ If it don't work,
we'll all be lost ♪
Hey!
♪ Now, all join hands,
circle and swing ♪
♪ Down the center
and split the ring ♪
♪ Now, ladies go
right, gents go wrong ♪
♪ Join hands and circle 'round ♪
♪ First couple rip and snort ♪
♪ Down the center
and cut it off short... ♪
♪ Here we go on
the heel and toe ♪
♪ Hurry, up, cowboys,
don't be slow ♪
♪ There we go,
they're tied up good ♪
♪ Say hello to Hollywood! ♪
Next week I Love Lucy
will be brought to you
by Proctor & Gamble,
makers of cheer.
Cousin Ernie was
played by Ernie Ford.
The sheriff was Will Wright.
The twins were Rosalyn
and Marilyn Borden
and the gas station
man was Aaron Spelling.
I Love Lucy is a
Desilu Production.
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz
will be back next
week at this same time.