I Love Lucy (1951–1957): Season 3, Episode 22 - Ricky's Hawaiian Vacation - full transcript

(I Love Lucy theme music plays)

MAN (on TV): And now, Mrs. Weston,

here's a picture of the new house our
sponsor is giving you

to take the place of your house that
burned down.

You didn't expect that, did you?

Now, don't cry, Mrs. Weston.

There's nothing to cry about.

I have so much fun every day

giving people things that they need.

We're giving you this new house for
the one that burned down

when it caught fire from the candles
on the birthday cake



of your little son, George.

And a whole new set of furniture.

Isn't that wonderful?

And a whole new wardrobe for the
entire family.

And you have Mrs. Cleo Morgan to
thank for this

because she was such a good sport and
a good neighbor.

Well, we'll see you tomorrow, folks,

with another Good Neighbor program.

Hi.

Oh, hi.

This is such an entertaining program.

Oh, it looked like a million laughs.

No, it really is.

They do so many wonderful things for
people.



I'm just mad about that program.

Look how much mail you got today.

Oh, thanks.

Gee, here's one for Ricky postmarked
"Honolulu."

Honolulu?

Yeah. Didn't you know?

Why, Lucy, you know I never look at
your mail.

Oh. I wonder where it's from.

Mr. Jensen of the Royal Hawaiian.

Uh... it says so on the back flap.

I wonder who he is.

Hey, the flap's open a little bit.

Maybe I can get it open some more.

Nope, it's stuck tight.

Can you see anything?

No, this envelope is so thick.

Boy, they make them thick.
Yeah.

Hey, wait a minute.

It looks exciting, doesn't it?

Look at all those things.

Too bad we couldn't get the flap
open.

Yeah. Well, maybe we could.

You never can tell...
Ah!

Cut it out, will you?

Eh, good morning, Ricky.

Oh!

Good morning.

Oh, hi, Ricky.

We were just trying to find out

if this letter was really for you.

The name's kind of blurred.

Yeah, yeah, it's for you.

Yeah, Ricky Ricardo.

Yeah.

That's me.

Mm...

Oh...

Oh...

Uh, I'm late for rehearsal.

I'll eat down at the club.
Good-bye.

But, Ricky...

Yeah?

What about the letter?

Oh, it wasn't important.

Wasn't important?

No, it's just business, honey.

Some millionaire, he wants me to take
the band

down to Hawaii with some entertainers

and play a dance.

He says it wasn't important.

My goodness, that's exciting.

I've never been to Hawaii.

Neither have I.

Oh, Ricky, we have to figure out some
way

so that we can take Fred and Ethel
along with us, too.

"Too"?

Yeah, "too," as in "besides me."

Aw, now, Ricky, you wouldn't go to
Hawaii without me.

Honey, we're only going for one
night.

We're coming right back.

I don't care.

A short trip is better than no trip
at all.

Besides, you said you needed some
entertainers.

We could be the entertainers.

What are you going to call
yourselves--

"The Deadweight Trio"?

Well, thanks a lot.

Now, wait a minute, Ethel, don't get
mad.

This is no time to antagonize him.

Now, listen, give me just one good
reason

why we can't all go to Hawaii.

Because I can't afford it, honey.

I'm not making any money on this job.

I'm losing money.

I'm just taking it for the publicity
value.

Now, good-bye.

Oh, Ricky...

Well, that's that.

Oh, no, it isn't.

I'm not giving up so easy.

Huh?

Oh, for once, I'm glad to see that
gleam in your eye.

What do you have in mind?

Well, first, we've got to prove

that we're good enough to take along.

Yeah?
But how?

How?

Yeah, now, let me see...

LUCY: Ricky, is that you?

Yeah.

Presenting a night in Hawaii!

(tropical dance music playing)

King Kamehameha

The conqueror of the islands

Became a famous hero one day

He bought a native army

And he pushed it over the poly

And crowned himself king of
Hawaii-ee-aa

And when the fray was over, he took
the islands over

And this is what he had to say

Aa-ee-ooky-laa-ee-wahie

Aa-ee-ooky-laa-ee-wahie

Aa-waa-Hawaii-ee-aa

And on his throne, he sat alone

Waiting for a big luau

The royal maidens stared

Were gathered there

To greet him with the grand
halakay-ow-oh

Oh, King Kamehameha

The conqueror of the islands

Became a famous hero one day

He bought a native army

And he pushed it over the poly

And right, oh, up, ee-oo-ee-aa

(screeching melody)

(off-key high note)

Now, now, listen to me, girls.

Would-Would you listen a minute?

Just a minute.
You haven't seen anything yet.

(music plays)

(rhythmic chanting)

Away, ay!

Away, ay!

Away, ay!

Away, ay! Ay!

(rhythmic chanting)

Ay!

(rhythmic chanting)

Ay!

(rhythmic chanting)

Hey!

(rhythmic chanting)

You liked it?

Very good!

You liked it, huh?

Oh, I think you were wonderful!

He liked it!
He liked it!

Oh, you were just great!

Yeah.
Thank you.

Gee, it's too bad I can't take you
with me.

But you said you liked it.

Yeah!

I did, honey.

I think you were just great.

Well, then, why can't we go?

Well, honey, if there's one thing

that they don't need in Hawaii,

it's Hawaiian dancers.

Ew...

Now, the troupe that I'm taking down
there

is made up of Latin American
entertainers.

Ay, ay, ay, ay...
La cucaracha...

Ay, ay, ay, ay...
La cucaracha...

Just a minute!

Just a minute, everybody.

Now, I'm sorry,

but Mr. Jensen already told me who he
wants

and I already hired them.

Oh, now, Ricky...

Now, Ricky, I don't see why you...

No, no, no, save your breath. Save
your breath.

Of course, this is only a hunch on my
part,

but I don't believe he wants to take
us with him.

It's not that, Fred.

It's just that I can't.

Why not?

Well, honey, I can't afford it.

I'm losing money on the job.

I-I just can't do it.

There's nothing I can do about it.

And so, as the sun sinks slowly

into the waters of the blue Pacific,

we give up the only chance we had to
go to Hawaii.

Hi.
Hi.

What are you doing?

Ethel, I have just had the greatest
idea of my career.

You know that show

where they do all kinds of crazy
stunts

to help their needy friends?

You mean that show you were looking
at the other day,

the Freddie Fillmore show?

Be a Good Neighbor.

Listen to this: "Dear Freddie
Fillmore,

"I have been watching your show Be a
Good Neighbor

"for a long time, and I think it is
wonderful what you do

"for all the people who appear on
your show.

"I want to tell you about a neighbor
of mine.

"She is the sweetest, the dearest,

"the most understanding person I ever
knew,

"and she is completely unselfish.

"She's always thinking of other
people before herself.

Now, this person is terribly poor..."

Now, wait a minute.

You have to say something like that.

Uh, now

"this person is terribly poor,

"and she can't afford any luxuries
for herself,

"but it's always been the dream of
her life

"to go to the Hawaiian islands.

"So...

"I'm wondering if I couldn't appear

"on Be a Good Neighbor

"in order that this unselfish,
generous,

"sweet neighbor may realize her
dream--

"a trip to Honolulu.

Sincerely yours, Ethel Mertz."

Why, you mean thing.

Now, just a minute...

Why, I was practically back in that
Hawaiian costume.

What a fine friend you turned out to
be.

Now, Ethel, the minute I won that
trip,

I was going to ask them to let me
take Fred and Ethel Mertz with me.

Oh, sure.

I was, and if I couldn't take you
with me,

I was going to send you a postcard.

Oh, never mind.

Oh, now, Ethel, come on, what do you
say?

This is what I say.

Ethel Mertz!

You just tore up my ticket to
Honolulu.

Well, according to that letter,

you're so sweet and thoughtful,

it won't make any difference.

Oh, Ethel!

Well, that's one of the worst things
you've ever done to me.

What do you mean, done to you?

There I was thinking all the time

that maybe you...
What have I done to you?

Hey, what's going on here?

She's forging my name.

That's what's going on here.
What?

All I did was write that show Be a
Good Neighbor

and have Ethel ask them if I could go
to Honolulu.

Well, now, that doesn't seem so bad,
Ethel.

Oh, no? Did you ever see that show?

Do you know what kind of stunts you
have to do?

I'd get a pie in my face.

She'd get an all-expense cruise.

She'd be over there sitting on the
beach

and I'd be home combing meringue out
of my hair.

So, you'd be a little uncomfortable
for a while.

I'd do it for her.

Yeah, she'd do it for you.

Well, then let her.

Okay, I will.

Well, that's swell.

Watch out for a trick.

Please, Ethel, you hurt my feelings.

Yeah. Ethel, I'm surprised at you.

Now, look, I'll write a letter to
Freddie Fillmore

and I'll tell him that there's a
lovely couple

who live across the hall from me who
are very poor

but they're so good and kind to
everyone

that I think he should give them a
trip to Honolulu...

Aw...
Aw...

with their teenage daughter.

What?!

Now what's wrong with that?

I told you to watch out for a trick.

I'm not going to Honolulu as Lucy's
mother.

That's what's wrong with that.

Oh, listen, if it'll get us to
Honolulu,

I'll go as her mother.

Oh...
Oh, Ethel, if you're going to be
silly

how about me going as your mother?

Well, that's more like it.

All right.

I'll tell Freddie Fillmore

that I know a lovely couple who are
very poor

but they've taken care of their dear,
old gray-haired mother

all their life.

Dear Freddie Fillmore...

Come on, Ethel.

I'm ready.

Come on.

LUCY: Ethel, Fred!

What's the matter?
Where's Ethel?

Here I am.
What's the matter?

Freddie Fillmore just called me.

Honolulu!
Oh, we're in!

Honolulu!

Wait, wait, wait.
Before you start packing,

I think there's something you ought
to know.

What?
He's coming over to see me,

but he wants to interview the
poverty-stricken couple

and their gray-haired mother.

Oh, no.
Oh, yes.

I knew it was too good to be true.

Well, wait a minute now.

We've been in worse jams than this.

Yes, thanks to you.

Well, just give me time to think,
will you?

I'll get us out.

(knocking)

Yep.

Mrs. Mertz?
Yep.

I'm Freddie Fillmore of the Be a Good
Neighbor program.

Why, land's sakes, you are, aren't
ye?

Well, what a surprise to open the
door

and find you standing there.

Freddie Fillmore!

Pa! We got company!

Come on out!

Pa, this here's Freddie Fillmore.

Freddie Fillmore?

Gosh, Mr. Fillmore,

we watch your show all the time.

You do?

Yeah, that is unless there are too
many people

standing in front of the appliance
store.

Well, we have a big surprise for you.

Your good neighbor, Lucy Ricardo,

has written us a letter all about
you.

Aw, Mrs. Ricardo-- now, that woman is
a darling woman.

She wants us to send you to Honolulu.

Honolulu?!
Honolulu?!

Oh, land sakes, we've been wanting to
go there

all our lives.
Yeah.

And you know who's going with you?

Yeah, shall I go get her?

Get who?

Eh... uh...
whoever's going with us.

Well, it's your mother, but how did
you know?

Oh, uh, well, anybody that knows Pa
and me

knows that we've unselfishly taken
care

of our dear old mother all of her
life, That's right.

That's right.
and wherever we go, she goes.

Oh, that's what Mrs. Ricardo said.

May I meet your mother?

Oh, sure.

Ma?

Yep.

Come on out here.

We got company.

FRED: Come in, mother.

Want me?

This here feller is Freddie Fillmore.

How's that?

This is Freddie Fillmore.

Well, danged if it ain't.

Uh, Ma watches your show

through the appliance store window,
too.

You do?

Yeah, yeah.
I go down early,

lie on the pavement and save three
places.

Well, that's wonderful.

One for me, and two for my unselfish
children

that have been taking care of me

for nigh on 52 years now.
Oh, now, Mother...

Well, honey, I appreciate...

Well, we wouldn't have had it any
other way.

You know that, Mother.

I want to tell you something.
What?

Mr. Fillmore wants us to go on his
show.

No.

Yes. That Mrs. Ricardo

wrote him a letter all about us.

Oh, she is a darling woman and
beautiful too.

Hey, you know something?
What?

He may give us a trip to Honolulu.

FRED: Yeah!

No!
Yes!

No!
Yes!

Honey-lulu!

Well, land a-goshen.

If that don't put a crick in the pump
handle.

Wasn't that nice of Mrs. Ricardo?

Oh, it certainly was.

Well, I swan.
If she was home

I'd hustle right over there and thank
her.

Oh, she isn't home?

No, no, she's out of town.

She'll be home tomorrowy.

Although, I might be out of town.

Oh, that's a shame.

Yeah, well, I go a lot.

You see, I wanted to have you on the
show this week.

However, if she isn't here so I can
talk to you,

I'm afraid I'll have to postpone it
till some later time.

Oh?

Hark! I think I hear her now.

I didn't hear anything.

Oh, I did.

Oh, so did I.

Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep.

Yeah, it's her.
Hey, Mrs. Ricardo,

when you get your hat and coat off,

could you come over for a minute?

Yeah, I'll be right over.

Oh, yeah, she said she'll be right
over.

Well, good.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I got
something on the stove.

She's old, but she's spry.

She's a nice old thing.

FRED: Yes, she is.

Whose mother is she?

Mine.
Mine.

Well, is she your mother, Ethel?

I thought she was mine.

She's been with us so long, I'd
forgotten.

Oh, there she is.

Oh, Mrs. Ricardo!

I want you to know this here's
Freddie Fillmore.

How do you do, Mr. Fillmore?

How do you do?
It's so nice to know you.

Oh, Mrs. Ricardo, he told us all
about that letter

you wrote about us,

and I want to thank you, good
neighbor.

Well...
Thank you, good neighbor.

You're welcome, kindly couple.

Mother's out in the kitchen.

She'd like to thank you, too.

Oh, well, I'll go out and see mother
right now.

Oh, no, no, you wait right here.

I'll go get her.

Well, that's funny.

She isn't out there.

Eh... uh...
are you sure?

I looked all around.

Now where's Mrs. Ricardo?

Oh, uh... oh, she had something on
the stove, too.

Really?
Yeah.

Yeah, we eat a lot around here.

Say, Mr. Fillmore, we sure do enjoy

that show of yourn.
Yes, we do.

You know the one I especially liked?
What?

You know where that little feller
came

and said he wanted to get a puppy dog

for his little friend Oh, yeah.

Burned up!

Had to throw it in the incinerator.

Burned to a crisp.

Oh, that's a shame.

Now, look, I'd like to have you all
on the show tomorrow.

However, I must have you all in here
at the same time

so I can tell you what I want you to
do.

Oh. Well, I'll go get Mrs. Ricardo.

My, she is spry, isn't she?

Spry as a cricket.

Well, look, in the meantime,

I have some papers here that I want
you to sign.

Oh?
Oh, signing papers, huh?

Yeah, just a little legal formality

that we have to go through

with everyone who appears on our
show.

Well, we don't mind doing that.

You want to see me, Mr. Fillmore?

Uh, ye...

Oh, yes, yes.
Now, uh...

Well, now where's mother?

Eh... where's mother?

Well, she wasn't feeling well,

so she's lying down in my apartment.

Oh. Well, that's too bad.

Well, when she gets up,

will you please have her sign this?
Yes.

And I want to see the rest of you
down at the station

the first thing tomorrow morning.

Oh, don't worry, we'll be there.

Please sign that.

"...because they are so good and
kind,

"I think Mr. And Mrs. Mertz and their
dear, old mother

should have a trip to Honolulu."

Signed "Hopefully yours, Lucy
Ricardo."

There. Isn't that a nice letter?

(audience applauding)

We're so sorry that mother Mertz

was too ill to come to the studio
tonight.

Oh, well, she had a real bad spell,

but she'll feel better.
She'll feel better soon.

Oh, well, I'm glad to hear that.

Now, Mr. and Mrs. Mertz,

I want you to go right over there

and sit down in those two chairs

on the opposite side of the stage, if
you will.

All right.

Okay.

FILLMORE: Right over there.

Sit right down in them.

Right there.

Now, lean back, relax.

Those are reclining chairs.

There, aren't you comfortable?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, fine.

Now, we're going to see if Mrs.
Ricardo

can win this trip to Honolulu for
you.

And, Mrs. Ricardo, we have a real
surprise for you.

Oh?
We have a friend of yours here today.

A friend of mine?

Yes. You see, when we told him

about Mr. and Mrs. Mertz and their
dear old mother,

he insisted on coming down here and
helping you out.

Oh.
Wasn't that nice?

Send him out here, boys.

LUCY: Ricky!

FILLMORE: That's right-- your
husband,

bandleader Ricky Ricardo.

Oh...

(applause)

Um... are you sure he's going to help
me?

Of course, dear.
Oh.

Oh, as a matter of face, he's going
to do most of the work.

Now, here's what I want you to do.

Mrs. Ricardo, I want you to get right
up there in that circle

where you can get your hand on that
cord.

And Mr. Ricardo, right up here, if
you will.

Yes, sir.

There we are.

Now, what I want you to do

is think of a song with something
physical

in it, like, uh...
Well, uh, rain.

I get the blues when it rains

And the blues I can't lose...

I know the song.
You don't have to sing it.

You know it.

Oh, that's such a beautiful suit.

We wouldn't want anything to happen
to that.

Boys, I think we'd better give him a
slicker, huh?

Now, wait just a minute...

Oh, now, you're willing to do this
for your neighbors,

aren't you?
RICKY: For the neighbors?

Well, sure you are.

Now, wait just a minute.

I don't know.

Oh, of course you will.

There we are.
All right.

Now I think we're all set.

Mrs. Ricardo, every time he says the
word "rain..."

Yeah?

you pull that cord.

Oh, okay.

You got the idea?

Yeah, I got it.
All set.

Mrs. Ricardo, you know what to do.

I sure do.
Okay!

All right, go ahead and sing.

I get the blues when it rains...

Yeah, boy...!

All of the...

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

What's he got the slicker on for?

Well, I was afraid some of that rain

might splash and get on him.

Well, thanks a lot.

Oh, and there's one other thing

I forgot to tell you, Mrs. Ricardo.

If you step outside of that circle

at any time during the stunt

your friends don't get the trip to
Honolulu.

Well, isn't it over?

Over? We haven't even started yet.

Well, what was all that rain stuff?

(laughter)

Oh, that's just a little test.

Oh.

Oh, uh, Ricky, here's what I want you
to do.

I have a list of words here--

things, oh, like leaves, feathers,
stuff like that.

Now, I want you to see how many songs

you can think of that contain those
words,

and every time you sing one of those
songs,

you push your friends just a little
closer to Honolulu.

And if within the two-minute time
limit,

you can think of enough songs

and Mrs. Ricardo doesn't step outside
of that circle,

then the Mertzes get the trip to
Honolulu, you understand?

Yeah, I got it.

Okay, now you've got exactly two
minutes.

Okay.
Go!

All right.

Um...

I'm putting all my eggs

In one basket...

They're in Detroit.

Uh...

How deep is the ocean...

Chicago.

I'm in love with you...

Oh, no, not that! Not that!

Honey...

Oh, no!

(bell rings)

Denver!

Say you love me...

No, not again! Not again!

Honey...

Oh, no...

(bell rings)

West Denver!

Just around the corner

There's a rainbow in the sky

So let's have another cup of
coffee...

(bell rings)

San Francisco, and you have five
seconds to go!

Hurry up!

Five seconds, huh?

Let's have another piece of...

Um... um...

Come on!

Come on, come on!
(bell rings)

Sorry. Time's up.

You've lost.

Pie, you idiot!

ANNOUNCER: I Love Lucy is a Desilu
production.

Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz

will be back next week at this same
time.