I Love Lucy (1951–1957): Season 3, Episode 12 - Ricky's Old Girlfriend - full transcript
The Ricardos and Mertzes take a marriage quiz. One question involves past romances, and Ricky makes up a story about an old girlfriend from Cuba, Carlotta Romero. When a real Cuban ...
("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)
More coffee, Fred?
No, thanks.
Ethel?
Uh-uh.
How about you, dear?
No, no.
I got enough.
Have another piece of cake, Fred.
Nope.
Ricky?
Uh-uh.
Oh, gee, this is the first time
I've had to relax all day.
What'll we do tonight?
Oh, I don't know.
What's on television?
Fight night!
Oh, no, you don't.
Just sit down.
(groans) Sit down.
I've looked at so many fights on
television,
I've got cauliflower eyes.
Come on, now, we're four grown
people.
Let's entertain ourselves.
Okay. Okay.
Um...
Oh, come now.
Surely we can think of something
to entertain ourselves.
(trilling)
Oh, stop that.
(laughing)
How about playing some cards?
No, we can't.
Little Ricky ate the queen of spades.
Oh...
Besides, I'd like to think
of something a little more
intellectual.
I know, we'll take a quiz.
A quiz?
Yeah, it's all about husbands and
wives.
Oh, no.
You know what those are, Fred.
(falsetto): "How to rate your
marriage, or is your spouse a louse?"
Don't laugh at him, Ethel.
Now, here it is.
It's called...
Well, doesn't matter what it's
called.
Now, I'll keep score.
Now, just a minute.
Let us in on it.
What is it called?
"How to rate your marriage, or is
your spouse a louse?"
You read it, you louse!
No, I'm sorry, but I didn't read it.
Go ahead.
Oh, let's see now, I'll keep score,
and at the end, we'll add them all up
and see if each of us is married to
our perfect mate.
For this, I need a quiz?
All right, now, first question.
Uh, Do you tell your troubles
to your married partner?
Ethel?
Yes.
Yes.
Fred?
Well, I try to spare her all I can.
Oh, for heaven's sake.
Put down "yes" for the king of the
bellyachers.
And "yes" for Ricky, and "yes" for
Lucy.
Now, wait a minute.
Don't put down "yes" for me.
You have no idea of all the problems
I have.
I don't tell you my troubles.
Oh, I'm sorry, dear.
I thought all those troubles you
brought home were yours.
"No" for Ricky.
Now, next question.
"Do you tell your husband or wife
how much you pay for your clothes?"
Ethel?
Well?
It's been so long since I bought any,
I forgot.
Put down "yes."
Fred?
Yeah.
Ricky?
Of course.
Now, next question.
Have you told your husband...?
Wait a minute.
What's the matter?
The quiz mistress neglected
to ask herself the last question.
Oh, I did?
Yeah.
The question was:
Do you tell your husband
how much you pay for your clothes?
That's right. Now, the next
question...
Uh-uh-uh.
All right, one "no" for Lucy.
Uh-huh.
Now, the next question.
Have you told your husband or wife
all about your past romances?
Well, if I told Fred... Ricky?
Me? It's Ethel's turn first.
Yeah, well, I thought
I'd break the monotony by asking you
first.
Besides, I can't wait to hear your
answers.
Have you told me all about your past
romances?
Well, now, let me see.
Uh...
Well?
Wait a minute.
Eh, yeah, I told you everything, yep.
"Yes" for Ricky.
Well, if I told Fred...
Now, for me.
Let's see. Have I told you about my
old romances?
I told you about going with the
captain
of the football team, didn't I?
Yes, a hundred times.
Then there was that lifeguard who was
so crazy about me.
Yes, you bared your soul to me about
him, too.
Yes, well, besides those, there were
just a few
big flaming romances that I've had.
Let's see. Billy, Maury, Jess and
Jerry,
Bob and Bennett and George and
Phil...
Martin and Danny, Argyle and Bud
and Wilbur and Noble and Carl
Frank and Henry-- that was in high
school--
Uh, then in junior college, there was
Johnny and Kenny...
Okay, okay, okay.
Well, I was only trying to be honest
and make sure
I had told you about everybody, dear.
I sensed that.
Well, now I can put down "yes" with a
very clear conscience.
(clears throat)
Now, uh, Ethel?
Well, if I told Fred all about...
Hey, uh, have I ever told you about
Carlota Romero?
Who?
Carlota Romero.
No. Who's she?
Oh, I didn't tell you about her, huh?
No. Oh.
Just a girl I used to go with in
Cuba.
Oh.
Now, I told you I can keep my "yes"
answer
and be honest about it.
Yeah.
Ethel?
Well...
Why haven't you told me about her
before?
Oh, I don't know.
No particular reason.
It just slipped my mind.
Oh.
Was it a big romance?
Well, you know...
just... one of those thins.
Just one of those "thins".
Well, come on, Ethel.
What are you waiting for?
I've forgotten the question.
The question is: Have you told your
husband or...?
Just one of those what "thins"?
Come on, now, Lucy, it's my turn.
There's just no point in going on
with this quiz.
It's very obvious that one of us
has so many secrets from his mate,
he couldn't possibly be happily
married.
I am, too.
Well, I'm not.
Oh, honey, you're getting upset over
nothing.
If it was nothing,
why didn't you tell me about it
before?
Well, because there is no Carlota
Romero.
I just made it up.
Ha!
Would you join me in your apartment,
Ethel?
Oh, honey, you're being silly.
I'm not speaking to you.
Oh, now, Lucy, he's trying to get
even
because you mentioned all those boys'
names.
FRED: Wow! She's really burned.
I think you'd have been better off
telling her about that dame.
I did, I told her the truth.
I told her I made it up.
There's no Carlota Romero.
Well, Lucy doesn't believe you,
so what are you going to do about
her?
Oh, gee, I don't know.
I didn't expect her to get that mad.
I was just teasing her.
You know, we've been married for 12
years,
and I still can't figure her out.
I bet sometimes you wish you had made
her up.
Well, she'll get over it.
Yeah, Ethel will look after her.
Come on, let's, let's look at the
fights.
Okay. Maybe it's time for the main
event.
Here we go, honey.
Eat a great big breakfast.
Aw, come on.
Eat a great big breakfast.
Aw, come on, honey, come on.
Come on.
What's the matter, boy?
Hi.
(bawling)
Hello, son.
What's the matter?
What are you crying about?
Don't answer him, Ricky.
I don't want you associating with a
man of his reputation.
Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay.
Now, listen, honey.
In fact, Neither of us are going to
talk to him
until he explains his lurid past.
Hi, Rick.
Oh, hi, Fred.
Boy, you're the sly one.
What are you talking about?
You know what I'm talking about.
I just saw the morning paper.
Look, I got enough troubles
without playing games.
What's up?
You remember that, uh, gal you made
up, uh, Carlota Romero?
Yeah.
Well, you did a pretty good job.
She's appearing in town this week.
What?!
"What?"
Right here in the paper.
Look at that.
RICKY: "Carlota Romero, Cuban singing
star
"opened her first American engagement
at the Opal Room."
Oh, no!
Not bad.
(whistles)
I'll say this for you,
when you make them up, you don't do
badly.
You know, I must have seen her name
in Variety or Billboard,
and it got stuck in my mind.
Yeah, well, when Lucy sees that
picture,
she'll knock it loose.
Ay-ay-ay. Now, look.
Fred, ta-ta-ta-take this paper home
with you, huh?
I've already got a copy.
I know, you got a copy, but take it
home with you.
I don't want Lucy won't see it.
I'm still trying to convince her that
I made it up.
Oh, well, all right.
Ee...
Oh, what a tangled web we weave.
Huh?
That's an old saying.
"Oh, what a tangled web we weave
when first we practice to deceive."
What does that mean?
Well, it means that, uh...
Well, I'll have it translated in
Spanish
and bring it back to you.
Hi, Lucy.
Hi, girl.
Well, you're in a better mood than I
expected you to be.
Oh, you mean about what happened last
night?
Well...
I'll give Ricky a bad time for a
while,
but I believed him when he said
he made up that Carlota Romero
business.
Well, how did he explain this
morning's paper?
Why, what about it?
Uh-oh.
What about it?
Um, nothing, nothing.
Come on, Ethel, what's in the paper
you don't want me to see?
Uh, uh, well, uh,
I didn't want to be the one to tell
you,
but, uh...
But what?
Uh, Daddy Warbucks has left Little
Orphan Annie again.
Oh, Ethel, let me see that paper.
It's on the back page.
"Carlota Romero, Cuban singing star,
"opens her first American engagement
at the Opal Room."
Oh, now...
Now, Lucy, pull yourself together.
It says in the paper, she's never
been in America,
so Ricky couldn't have seen her for
15 years.
Well, she's here now.
I'll bet they're planning to stir up
those old embers again.
Be kind of hard to stir embers into a
flame after 15 years.
She doesn't look like her pilot light
would ever go out.
Oh, let me see that.
Oh, forget it.
You got nothing to worry about.
She couldn't take Ricky away from
you.
Why, you're twice as pretty as she
is.
You really think so?
Certainly, and you got twice as good
a figure.
I have?
Mmm-hmmm.
Oh, I wish I could stand and carry
myself the way you do.
It's absolutely regal.
Frankly, I can't understand
why you were never chosen Miss
America.
Oh, thank you, Ethel.
Well, I... I guess I don't have
anything to worry about.
(groans)
(soft, sweet background music plays)
(gentle background music ends)
(dramatic music building slowly)
(music crescendos and ends abruptly)
(soft, sweet melody plays)
(sweet melody continuing)
(doorbell buzzes)
(sweet melody ends)
(dramatic music plays)
(music stops abruptly)
(dramatic music resumes)
(music building)
(music crescendos then stops
abruptly)
(dramatic music resumes and building)
(music crescendos, then stops)
(whimsical music begins)
(music ends)
(dramatic music resumes)
(music stops)
(whimsical music starts)
(music stops)
(dramatic music plays)
(music stops)
(whimsical music resumes)
(music ends)
(slow dramatic music plays)
(dramatic music segues to somber
melody)
(somber music continuing)
(music crescendos)
(music ends abruptly)
(somber music resumes)
(somber music fades)
(whimsical melody plays and stops
abruptly)
(somber music resumes)
(dramatic harp music building)
(music ends)
(lilting melody playing)
(lilting melody fades)
(somber music begins)
(coins jingling)
(harp plays)
(music ends)
(lilting melody plays)
(lilting music stops)
(dramatic music plays)
(coin clinks)
(somber music plays)
(spits)
(harp plays)
(music building)
(dramatic music ends)
(musical fanfare plays)
(fanfare stops)
(yelling)
What's the matter?
What's the matter?
What's the matter?
What happened?
What's the matter?
What's the matter?
What's the matter?
What's the matter?
Lucy, what's the matter?
That's... that's for running off with
that castanet-clacker,
you big Cuban heel!
Are you crazy or something?!
Lucy!
Lucy!
Lucy!
Lucy, what's the matter with you?
What's the matter?
I dreamed you left me for Carlota
Romero.
Oh, for goodness' sakes.
That's the craziest thing I ever
heard in my whole life.
I'm not so sure.
She's right here in town, as if you
didn't know.
Now, listen to me, I made that name
up.
Or at least I-I-I-I thought I made
the name up.
I must have read it someplace or
something without noticing
because this morning when, when Fred
came over and...
and here was this girl's picture in
the paper and then,
and here I-I didn't even know this
girl
and-and here I made the same name up.
Isn't that a funny coincidence, huh?
(weak chuckle)
No?
Who are you trying to kid?
Look, if...
You big two-timing button-giver!
Button-giver?
What does that mean?
Never mind. You going to tell me the
truth or aren't you?
Now, look, honey, if you don't
believe me,
why don't you call her up and ask
her?
I'll just do that.
Okay.
Okay!
O-kay.
Huh, gee.
And don't do that no more!
Hi.
Oh, hi, dear.
What's going on?
Company tonight.
Oh? Who?
Ethel and Fred and Jerry and Carlota.
Who?
Carlota. Carlota Romero.
You remember her.
Why did you ask her over for?
Because I wanted to see you two
together.
Jerry called her up and set the whole
thing up for me.
Fine agent I got.
Mira, que tiene de mal la mujer aqui
en la casaa
que ni la conozco.
And if you're going to mumble,
please have the decency to mumble in
English.
(doorbell buzzes)
Here she is.
Hi.
Oh, it's only the Mertzes.
Well, thanks.
You know, that's getting to be our
first name:
"Mr. And Mrs.
Only-The-Mertzes."
I'm sorry, dear, won't you come in
and sit down?
Hi, Rick.
Hi, Ethel.
Oh, food.
Hiya, Fred.
Hi.
Now, Fred, leave those alone!
They're for company.
Well, what am I?
Don't answer that.
(doorbell buzzes)
Hi.
Oh, it's only Jerry.
Well!
Everybody's got the same first name
these days.
Thanks, Lucy.
Hi, Ethel, Fred.
Hi, Jerry.
Jerry, how are you?
Hi, Jerry.
Where's Carlota?
Oh, she told me on the telephone,
she had to go on an interview and
she'd meet me up here.
Good, the sooner, the better.
Oh, yeah, and Ricky, she said can
hardly
wait to see you again.
That's nice.
What?
Aha!
Now, Lucy, it isn't true.
Never mind!
Now, Jerry, what are you talking
about?
I never saw this girl before in my
whole life.
Well, sure you did.
She told me on the phone she worked
with you
in a nightclub in Havana, oh, about
15 or 16 years ago.
She was part of a singing act.
They called themselves the Five
Romero Sisters.
Oh, for goodness' sakes.
Which one of them?
Well, now, how should I know?
Anyway, she was very surprised to
hear
that you remembered her, see?
And, oh, she said be sure and don't
to expect her
to look exactly like she did in the
picture in the paper
because that was taken, oh, about 17
years ago.
(doorbell buzzes)
There she is now.
Ricky, I'm Carlota!
Hey, wait a minute, I'm not Ricky.
Ricky!
Nope.
Ricky!
Yes, hello, Carlota.
How are you?
Glad to see you.
This is Mr. and Mrs. Mertz.
Oh, hello, Carlota.
This is my agent, Jerry.
How you doing?
Well, it's nice to see you.
What have you been doing since I last
saw you?
Putting on weight mostly.
(laughing)
Well, you look fine.
Was that Carlota?
Yes.
Where is she?
Oh, Lucy, I'd like you to meet
someone.
LUCY: Oh.
This is Carlota Romero.
Oh, how do you...?
Carlota Romer...
Well, am I glad to see you!
Hello, Lucy.
Oh, my, you will never know.
I am so glad to see you.
Come over here and sit down.
This is quite a welcome.
I'm surprised that Ricky would even
remember me.
Well, my dear, he will never forget
you.
That's nice.
I guess I look a little different
than you expected, don't I?
Well, uh, yes, yes.
I didn't expect anyone so pretty and
charming
and so full of...
well, so full of...
Uh...
Well, so full.
Tell, me, Carlota,
how long are you going to be in town?
We must...
(clock chiming softly)
(screaming)
(all laughing)
Oh, look!
Ethel!
Fred!
Fred!
Merry Christmas!
(all laughing)
Merry, Christmas, Fred.
We're all Santa Clauses.
Yeah.
How about that?
Let's put our presents under the
tree.
Okay, okay, here we go.
Oh, that's nice.
Whew!
(giggling)
(chortling)
Hey, Santa,
you put on a little weight, didn't
you?
How about you?
Yeah.
How about you, Ethel?
Fred, where did you ever find such a
big pillow?
Huh, what, why don't you answer me?
I'm not wearing a pillow.
(others laughing)
Come on, let's open all our presents.
All right.
Okay.
No, no, let's sing first.
OTHERS: Sing?
Well, yeah, everything is so
wonderful
and spending Christmas with our good
friends
and I just feel like serenading the
world.
Okay. I know a wonderful Cuban
melody.
It's called "Cascabeles".
Well, let's hear it.
Sing it.
All right.
Cascabeles cascabeles, cantan todo el
dia
Cascabeles, cascabeles, trajen
allegria...
Hey, that's "Jingle Bells"!
"Jingle Bells"?
Sure.
Well, how about that?
You Americans steal all our good
songs.
Ha, ha! Hey, let's all sing it, huh,
Santa Clauses?
All right.
All right.
Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle
all the way
Oh, what fun it is to ride in a
one-horse open sleigh
Hey! Jingle bells, jingle bells,
jingle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to ride in a
one-horse open sleigh
Dashing through the snow
In a one-horse open sleigh
O'er the fields we go
Laughing all the way
Bells on bobtail ring
Making spirits bright
What fun it is to ride and sing a
sleighing song tonight
Oh! Jingle bells, jingle bells,
jingle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to ride in a
one-horse open sleigh
Hey! Jingle bells, jingle bells,
jingle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to ride in a
one-horse open sleigh, hey!
(chortling)
(gasps and groans)
(harp plays)
(music)
ALL: Merry Christmas, everybody.
("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)
ANNOUNCER: I Love Lucy is a Desilu
production.
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz
will be back next week at this same
time.
ANNOUNCER 2: This is the CBS
Television Network.
More coffee, Fred?
No, thanks.
Ethel?
Uh-uh.
How about you, dear?
No, no.
I got enough.
Have another piece of cake, Fred.
Nope.
Ricky?
Uh-uh.
Oh, gee, this is the first time
I've had to relax all day.
What'll we do tonight?
Oh, I don't know.
What's on television?
Fight night!
Oh, no, you don't.
Just sit down.
(groans) Sit down.
I've looked at so many fights on
television,
I've got cauliflower eyes.
Come on, now, we're four grown
people.
Let's entertain ourselves.
Okay. Okay.
Um...
Oh, come now.
Surely we can think of something
to entertain ourselves.
(trilling)
Oh, stop that.
(laughing)
How about playing some cards?
No, we can't.
Little Ricky ate the queen of spades.
Oh...
Besides, I'd like to think
of something a little more
intellectual.
I know, we'll take a quiz.
A quiz?
Yeah, it's all about husbands and
wives.
Oh, no.
You know what those are, Fred.
(falsetto): "How to rate your
marriage, or is your spouse a louse?"
Don't laugh at him, Ethel.
Now, here it is.
It's called...
Well, doesn't matter what it's
called.
Now, I'll keep score.
Now, just a minute.
Let us in on it.
What is it called?
"How to rate your marriage, or is
your spouse a louse?"
You read it, you louse!
No, I'm sorry, but I didn't read it.
Go ahead.
Oh, let's see now, I'll keep score,
and at the end, we'll add them all up
and see if each of us is married to
our perfect mate.
For this, I need a quiz?
All right, now, first question.
Uh, Do you tell your troubles
to your married partner?
Ethel?
Yes.
Yes.
Fred?
Well, I try to spare her all I can.
Oh, for heaven's sake.
Put down "yes" for the king of the
bellyachers.
And "yes" for Ricky, and "yes" for
Lucy.
Now, wait a minute.
Don't put down "yes" for me.
You have no idea of all the problems
I have.
I don't tell you my troubles.
Oh, I'm sorry, dear.
I thought all those troubles you
brought home were yours.
"No" for Ricky.
Now, next question.
"Do you tell your husband or wife
how much you pay for your clothes?"
Ethel?
Well?
It's been so long since I bought any,
I forgot.
Put down "yes."
Fred?
Yeah.
Ricky?
Of course.
Now, next question.
Have you told your husband...?
Wait a minute.
What's the matter?
The quiz mistress neglected
to ask herself the last question.
Oh, I did?
Yeah.
The question was:
Do you tell your husband
how much you pay for your clothes?
That's right. Now, the next
question...
Uh-uh-uh.
All right, one "no" for Lucy.
Uh-huh.
Now, the next question.
Have you told your husband or wife
all about your past romances?
Well, if I told Fred... Ricky?
Me? It's Ethel's turn first.
Yeah, well, I thought
I'd break the monotony by asking you
first.
Besides, I can't wait to hear your
answers.
Have you told me all about your past
romances?
Well, now, let me see.
Uh...
Well?
Wait a minute.
Eh, yeah, I told you everything, yep.
"Yes" for Ricky.
Well, if I told Fred...
Now, for me.
Let's see. Have I told you about my
old romances?
I told you about going with the
captain
of the football team, didn't I?
Yes, a hundred times.
Then there was that lifeguard who was
so crazy about me.
Yes, you bared your soul to me about
him, too.
Yes, well, besides those, there were
just a few
big flaming romances that I've had.
Let's see. Billy, Maury, Jess and
Jerry,
Bob and Bennett and George and
Phil...
Martin and Danny, Argyle and Bud
and Wilbur and Noble and Carl
Frank and Henry-- that was in high
school--
Uh, then in junior college, there was
Johnny and Kenny...
Okay, okay, okay.
Well, I was only trying to be honest
and make sure
I had told you about everybody, dear.
I sensed that.
Well, now I can put down "yes" with a
very clear conscience.
(clears throat)
Now, uh, Ethel?
Well, if I told Fred all about...
Hey, uh, have I ever told you about
Carlota Romero?
Who?
Carlota Romero.
No. Who's she?
Oh, I didn't tell you about her, huh?
No. Oh.
Just a girl I used to go with in
Cuba.
Oh.
Now, I told you I can keep my "yes"
answer
and be honest about it.
Yeah.
Ethel?
Well...
Why haven't you told me about her
before?
Oh, I don't know.
No particular reason.
It just slipped my mind.
Oh.
Was it a big romance?
Well, you know...
just... one of those thins.
Just one of those "thins".
Well, come on, Ethel.
What are you waiting for?
I've forgotten the question.
The question is: Have you told your
husband or...?
Just one of those what "thins"?
Come on, now, Lucy, it's my turn.
There's just no point in going on
with this quiz.
It's very obvious that one of us
has so many secrets from his mate,
he couldn't possibly be happily
married.
I am, too.
Well, I'm not.
Oh, honey, you're getting upset over
nothing.
If it was nothing,
why didn't you tell me about it
before?
Well, because there is no Carlota
Romero.
I just made it up.
Ha!
Would you join me in your apartment,
Ethel?
Oh, honey, you're being silly.
I'm not speaking to you.
Oh, now, Lucy, he's trying to get
even
because you mentioned all those boys'
names.
FRED: Wow! She's really burned.
I think you'd have been better off
telling her about that dame.
I did, I told her the truth.
I told her I made it up.
There's no Carlota Romero.
Well, Lucy doesn't believe you,
so what are you going to do about
her?
Oh, gee, I don't know.
I didn't expect her to get that mad.
I was just teasing her.
You know, we've been married for 12
years,
and I still can't figure her out.
I bet sometimes you wish you had made
her up.
Well, she'll get over it.
Yeah, Ethel will look after her.
Come on, let's, let's look at the
fights.
Okay. Maybe it's time for the main
event.
Here we go, honey.
Eat a great big breakfast.
Aw, come on.
Eat a great big breakfast.
Aw, come on, honey, come on.
Come on.
What's the matter, boy?
Hi.
(bawling)
Hello, son.
What's the matter?
What are you crying about?
Don't answer him, Ricky.
I don't want you associating with a
man of his reputation.
Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay.
Now, listen, honey.
In fact, Neither of us are going to
talk to him
until he explains his lurid past.
Hi, Rick.
Oh, hi, Fred.
Boy, you're the sly one.
What are you talking about?
You know what I'm talking about.
I just saw the morning paper.
Look, I got enough troubles
without playing games.
What's up?
You remember that, uh, gal you made
up, uh, Carlota Romero?
Yeah.
Well, you did a pretty good job.
She's appearing in town this week.
What?!
"What?"
Right here in the paper.
Look at that.
RICKY: "Carlota Romero, Cuban singing
star
"opened her first American engagement
at the Opal Room."
Oh, no!
Not bad.
(whistles)
I'll say this for you,
when you make them up, you don't do
badly.
You know, I must have seen her name
in Variety or Billboard,
and it got stuck in my mind.
Yeah, well, when Lucy sees that
picture,
she'll knock it loose.
Ay-ay-ay. Now, look.
Fred, ta-ta-ta-take this paper home
with you, huh?
I've already got a copy.
I know, you got a copy, but take it
home with you.
I don't want Lucy won't see it.
I'm still trying to convince her that
I made it up.
Oh, well, all right.
Ee...
Oh, what a tangled web we weave.
Huh?
That's an old saying.
"Oh, what a tangled web we weave
when first we practice to deceive."
What does that mean?
Well, it means that, uh...
Well, I'll have it translated in
Spanish
and bring it back to you.
Hi, Lucy.
Hi, girl.
Well, you're in a better mood than I
expected you to be.
Oh, you mean about what happened last
night?
Well...
I'll give Ricky a bad time for a
while,
but I believed him when he said
he made up that Carlota Romero
business.
Well, how did he explain this
morning's paper?
Why, what about it?
Uh-oh.
What about it?
Um, nothing, nothing.
Come on, Ethel, what's in the paper
you don't want me to see?
Uh, uh, well, uh,
I didn't want to be the one to tell
you,
but, uh...
But what?
Uh, Daddy Warbucks has left Little
Orphan Annie again.
Oh, Ethel, let me see that paper.
It's on the back page.
"Carlota Romero, Cuban singing star,
"opens her first American engagement
at the Opal Room."
Oh, now...
Now, Lucy, pull yourself together.
It says in the paper, she's never
been in America,
so Ricky couldn't have seen her for
15 years.
Well, she's here now.
I'll bet they're planning to stir up
those old embers again.
Be kind of hard to stir embers into a
flame after 15 years.
She doesn't look like her pilot light
would ever go out.
Oh, let me see that.
Oh, forget it.
You got nothing to worry about.
She couldn't take Ricky away from
you.
Why, you're twice as pretty as she
is.
You really think so?
Certainly, and you got twice as good
a figure.
I have?
Mmm-hmmm.
Oh, I wish I could stand and carry
myself the way you do.
It's absolutely regal.
Frankly, I can't understand
why you were never chosen Miss
America.
Oh, thank you, Ethel.
Well, I... I guess I don't have
anything to worry about.
(groans)
(soft, sweet background music plays)
(gentle background music ends)
(dramatic music building slowly)
(music crescendos and ends abruptly)
(soft, sweet melody plays)
(sweet melody continuing)
(doorbell buzzes)
(sweet melody ends)
(dramatic music plays)
(music stops abruptly)
(dramatic music resumes)
(music building)
(music crescendos then stops
abruptly)
(dramatic music resumes and building)
(music crescendos, then stops)
(whimsical music begins)
(music ends)
(dramatic music resumes)
(music stops)
(whimsical music starts)
(music stops)
(dramatic music plays)
(music stops)
(whimsical music resumes)
(music ends)
(slow dramatic music plays)
(dramatic music segues to somber
melody)
(somber music continuing)
(music crescendos)
(music ends abruptly)
(somber music resumes)
(somber music fades)
(whimsical melody plays and stops
abruptly)
(somber music resumes)
(dramatic harp music building)
(music ends)
(lilting melody playing)
(lilting melody fades)
(somber music begins)
(coins jingling)
(harp plays)
(music ends)
(lilting melody plays)
(lilting music stops)
(dramatic music plays)
(coin clinks)
(somber music plays)
(spits)
(harp plays)
(music building)
(dramatic music ends)
(musical fanfare plays)
(fanfare stops)
(yelling)
What's the matter?
What's the matter?
What's the matter?
What happened?
What's the matter?
What's the matter?
What's the matter?
What's the matter?
Lucy, what's the matter?
That's... that's for running off with
that castanet-clacker,
you big Cuban heel!
Are you crazy or something?!
Lucy!
Lucy!
Lucy!
Lucy, what's the matter with you?
What's the matter?
I dreamed you left me for Carlota
Romero.
Oh, for goodness' sakes.
That's the craziest thing I ever
heard in my whole life.
I'm not so sure.
She's right here in town, as if you
didn't know.
Now, listen to me, I made that name
up.
Or at least I-I-I-I thought I made
the name up.
I must have read it someplace or
something without noticing
because this morning when, when Fred
came over and...
and here was this girl's picture in
the paper and then,
and here I-I didn't even know this
girl
and-and here I made the same name up.
Isn't that a funny coincidence, huh?
(weak chuckle)
No?
Who are you trying to kid?
Look, if...
You big two-timing button-giver!
Button-giver?
What does that mean?
Never mind. You going to tell me the
truth or aren't you?
Now, look, honey, if you don't
believe me,
why don't you call her up and ask
her?
I'll just do that.
Okay.
Okay!
O-kay.
Huh, gee.
And don't do that no more!
Hi.
Oh, hi, dear.
What's going on?
Company tonight.
Oh? Who?
Ethel and Fred and Jerry and Carlota.
Who?
Carlota. Carlota Romero.
You remember her.
Why did you ask her over for?
Because I wanted to see you two
together.
Jerry called her up and set the whole
thing up for me.
Fine agent I got.
Mira, que tiene de mal la mujer aqui
en la casaa
que ni la conozco.
And if you're going to mumble,
please have the decency to mumble in
English.
(doorbell buzzes)
Here she is.
Hi.
Oh, it's only the Mertzes.
Well, thanks.
You know, that's getting to be our
first name:
"Mr. And Mrs.
Only-The-Mertzes."
I'm sorry, dear, won't you come in
and sit down?
Hi, Rick.
Hi, Ethel.
Oh, food.
Hiya, Fred.
Hi.
Now, Fred, leave those alone!
They're for company.
Well, what am I?
Don't answer that.
(doorbell buzzes)
Hi.
Oh, it's only Jerry.
Well!
Everybody's got the same first name
these days.
Thanks, Lucy.
Hi, Ethel, Fred.
Hi, Jerry.
Jerry, how are you?
Hi, Jerry.
Where's Carlota?
Oh, she told me on the telephone,
she had to go on an interview and
she'd meet me up here.
Good, the sooner, the better.
Oh, yeah, and Ricky, she said can
hardly
wait to see you again.
That's nice.
What?
Aha!
Now, Lucy, it isn't true.
Never mind!
Now, Jerry, what are you talking
about?
I never saw this girl before in my
whole life.
Well, sure you did.
She told me on the phone she worked
with you
in a nightclub in Havana, oh, about
15 or 16 years ago.
She was part of a singing act.
They called themselves the Five
Romero Sisters.
Oh, for goodness' sakes.
Which one of them?
Well, now, how should I know?
Anyway, she was very surprised to
hear
that you remembered her, see?
And, oh, she said be sure and don't
to expect her
to look exactly like she did in the
picture in the paper
because that was taken, oh, about 17
years ago.
(doorbell buzzes)
There she is now.
Ricky, I'm Carlota!
Hey, wait a minute, I'm not Ricky.
Ricky!
Nope.
Ricky!
Yes, hello, Carlota.
How are you?
Glad to see you.
This is Mr. and Mrs. Mertz.
Oh, hello, Carlota.
This is my agent, Jerry.
How you doing?
Well, it's nice to see you.
What have you been doing since I last
saw you?
Putting on weight mostly.
(laughing)
Well, you look fine.
Was that Carlota?
Yes.
Where is she?
Oh, Lucy, I'd like you to meet
someone.
LUCY: Oh.
This is Carlota Romero.
Oh, how do you...?
Carlota Romer...
Well, am I glad to see you!
Hello, Lucy.
Oh, my, you will never know.
I am so glad to see you.
Come over here and sit down.
This is quite a welcome.
I'm surprised that Ricky would even
remember me.
Well, my dear, he will never forget
you.
That's nice.
I guess I look a little different
than you expected, don't I?
Well, uh, yes, yes.
I didn't expect anyone so pretty and
charming
and so full of...
well, so full of...
Uh...
Well, so full.
Tell, me, Carlota,
how long are you going to be in town?
We must...
(clock chiming softly)
(screaming)
(all laughing)
Oh, look!
Ethel!
Fred!
Fred!
Merry Christmas!
(all laughing)
Merry, Christmas, Fred.
We're all Santa Clauses.
Yeah.
How about that?
Let's put our presents under the
tree.
Okay, okay, here we go.
Oh, that's nice.
Whew!
(giggling)
(chortling)
Hey, Santa,
you put on a little weight, didn't
you?
How about you?
Yeah.
How about you, Ethel?
Fred, where did you ever find such a
big pillow?
Huh, what, why don't you answer me?
I'm not wearing a pillow.
(others laughing)
Come on, let's open all our presents.
All right.
Okay.
No, no, let's sing first.
OTHERS: Sing?
Well, yeah, everything is so
wonderful
and spending Christmas with our good
friends
and I just feel like serenading the
world.
Okay. I know a wonderful Cuban
melody.
It's called "Cascabeles".
Well, let's hear it.
Sing it.
All right.
Cascabeles cascabeles, cantan todo el
dia
Cascabeles, cascabeles, trajen
allegria...
Hey, that's "Jingle Bells"!
"Jingle Bells"?
Sure.
Well, how about that?
You Americans steal all our good
songs.
Ha, ha! Hey, let's all sing it, huh,
Santa Clauses?
All right.
All right.
Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle
all the way
Oh, what fun it is to ride in a
one-horse open sleigh
Hey! Jingle bells, jingle bells,
jingle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to ride in a
one-horse open sleigh
Dashing through the snow
In a one-horse open sleigh
O'er the fields we go
Laughing all the way
Bells on bobtail ring
Making spirits bright
What fun it is to ride and sing a
sleighing song tonight
Oh! Jingle bells, jingle bells,
jingle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to ride in a
one-horse open sleigh
Hey! Jingle bells, jingle bells,
jingle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to ride in a
one-horse open sleigh, hey!
(chortling)
(gasps and groans)
(harp plays)
(music)
ALL: Merry Christmas, everybody.
("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)
ANNOUNCER: I Love Lucy is a Desilu
production.
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz
will be back next week at this same
time.
ANNOUNCER 2: This is the CBS
Television Network.