I Love Lucy (1951–1957): Season 1, Episode 25 - Pioneer Women - full transcript

The girls revolt over housework and want modern conveniences. The boys bet that they can survive longer than the girls without using anything invented after 1900, including electricity.

Hi, Lucy.

Hi. Hi, Ricky is in
the living room, Fred.

Thank you.

Hi, girl. Hi.

Did you tell Ricky yet?

Uh-huh.

Oh, I can hardly wait.

Imagine us being members
of the Society Matrons League.

Mm, I don't see how
you got up nerve enough

to send in the application.

Why not? It's just another club.



Just another club?

They're the cream of society.

Well, we'll fit in perfectly.

"How do you do, Mrs. Mertz?

It's so good to
see you, my dear."

"How do you do?"

"Eh, how do you do?"

Oh, dear.

What's the matter?

Do you suppose
when we're introduced

to those society-type husbands,

they'll try to kiss our hands?

Well, if they kiss mine,
they'll get dishpan lips.

Boy, I don't know how
many dishes I've washed



since we've been married.

I don't either.

Let's see... 20 dishes a
meal, three meals a day,

306... I'm going
to figure this out.

20 dishes a meal,

three meals a day...
365 days a year...

uh, four, five...
two, three, four.

We've been
married for ten years.

219,000 dishes!

No kidding?

How about that!

Come on, Mrs. Mertz.

Where are we going?

We're going to revolt.

We are going in there and demand

that our husbands buy
us electric dishwashers.

I'm with you.

Don't you ever throw
anything but deuces?

Ricky?

Fred?

We're revolting.

No more than usual.

We didn't mean that.

Now, listen, Ricky, I
just figured this out.

Since you and I
have been married,

I have washed 219,000 dishes.

No!

You can imagine
how many I've washed.

Yeah, must be
up in the millions!

Lucy!

Well, I was just
trying to make a point.

Oh.

Would you mind telling us

what this is all leading up to?

Gladly.

There's a wonderful
invention on the market

that makes it impossible

for about-to-be
society matrons like us

to get rough, red
hands in dishwater,

and we think it would be

a wonderful,
wonderful investment.

Well, so do I.

You do!?

Certainly. Hey!

They want us to buy
them some rubber gloves.

I had reference to an
automatic dishwasher.

Well, forget it, honey.

Why?

I can't afford it.

I can't even afford
rubber gloves.

Oh, well, nice try, Lucy.

Oh!

Isn't it amazing

how spoiled modern women are?

Spoiled?

Yes, spoiled.

You got to do a little work

and you think it's terrible.

A little work!

Why, honey, this
is the electric age.

All you have to
do is flip a swish.

We flip a "swish."

Listen, your
grandmothers didn't have

any of these modern
electrical conveniences,

and they not only
washed the dishes,

but they swept the floor,
they churned the butter,

they baked the bread,
they did the laundry,

and they made their own clothes.

Sure. Where are
those women today?

Dead.

You know what I mean.

I'd like to see you
girls run the house,

without any of these
modern conveniences.

Well, what about you guys?

Yeah. You couldn't
get along with them

any better than we could.

Aw, honey, we're
men, we're rugged.

Yeah!

They're rugged.

Why don't you put your
money where your big mouth is.

Meaning what?

Meaning that we'll just try

living without any
modern conveniences,

and we'll see who
yells "uncle" first...

The men or the women.

Okay. Okay.

Okay, what do you want to bet?

How about $10?

What's the matter with $20?

Well, what's the
matter with $30?

What's the matter with $50?

What was the matter with $10?

Okay, 50 bucks!

What are the rules?

Well...

I know.

We'll pick a year, like 1900

and we won't use

anything that was
invented after that.

Good. 1900.

Uh, did they use electric lights

before then, Fred?

Don't look at me... ask Ethel.

Now, listen, you old...

Never mind, never mind.

1900. That's a good date.

Okay, tomorrow we all go back

to the Gay Nineties.

23 Skidoo!

Morning, Lucy.

Hi, Ethel.

What's all this?

I've been shopping
in a junk store.

Say, those lamps
are a good idea.

I was going to use candles.

How's Ricky?

Has he run into any snags yet?

Well, not really.

He got very upset
when he found out

he couldn't use
his electric razor.

So did Fred.

And what a fuss he made.

I don't see anything so tough

about shaving with
a sharp-edged razor

and cold water, do you?

No.

Fred just refused
to shave at all.

No kidding.

What's that?

Oh, look at this.

A bathtub!

Lucy, you're not
going to make Ricky

take a bath in that?

Why not?

We want to win
the bet, don't we?

Yeah.

Lucy!

Lucy!

Yeah, yeah?

Lucy, I want...

Oh. Good morning, Ethel.

Hi.

Look at all this junk.

Is breakfast ready?

Well, I was just
about to fix it, dear.

What'll you have?

Coffee, toast, a transfusion?

Never mind that.

Is breakfast ready?

I'll fix it for you right now.

Hey, you can't use the
electric stove, you know.

Oh, yes, I can.

Lucy! Lucy, you...!

You can't light that.

This is the way my
grandmother cooked.

This stove is
not built that way.

It won't work.

It'll set the house on fire.

All right, do you
want to eat cold food?

Well, I guess we'll
have to compromise.

You can use the
stove, but nothing else.

Thank you.

Where's my coffee?

Coming up, sire.

My grandmother was Swedish.

Howdy, neighbors.

Hi, Fred. Hello, Fred.

I thought I'd find
you up here, Ethel.

We are out of butter.

Oh, dear... I'll run down
to the store and get some.

Ethel, if you're
going out for butter,

will you get me a
loaf of bread, please?

Sure.

Now, just a minute,
my pretty maid.

My grandmother
churned her own butter.

Yeah!

Churned?

Yeah.

That's right.

And my grandmother
baked her own bread.

Baked? Like I bake a cake?

I hope not.

Bake bread.

Churn butter.

Yeah.

Well, you'd like
to call off the bet?

No! No!

You churn a little
extra butter for me

and I'll bake a little
extra bread for you.

Hi, Ethel, how's
the butter churner?

Oh, I've been churning

for two hours.

Well, you deserve a rest.

Put that thing down.

I can't!

Pry me loose, will ya?

My hands are beginning
to grow to this thing.

Are you kidding?

I can't get them off.

Well, maybe you can pull
it right out that way, huh?

Pull! Well, relax now, relax.

I can't! Pull!

Oh!

You poor kid!

Oh, gosh!

How much butter did you make?

None.

You've been
churning for two hours

and you didn't make any butter?

Our grandmothers
must have had arms

like Gorgeous George.

How long does it take
milk to turn into butter?

Ethel, you have to start
with cream to make butter.

Anybody knows that.

My goodness!

Oh, cream!

Certainly.

Oh. How you coming
with the bread?

Well, it-it's very interesting.

You see, you mix
everything together,

you put the yeast
in, you mix it all up

and you knead it, knead it.

This it what you call
"kneading" it, see?

Yeah.

And then you let it
set, and it rises, see?

And then you take it out,
and you knead it again.

And you let it set,
and it rises some more.

Then you put it in the
oven, and you bake it.

Well, that sounds simple.

Sure. I had to go
to three, four stores

before I could get
enough yeast, though.

Why? How much did you need?

13 cakes.

13 cakes?

That seems like an awful lot.

Well, here's the
recipe right here.

Let me see.

Lucy.

What?

Three cakes.

Oh, really?

Oh, well, they're small.

It won't make much difference.

Well, now you have
to put it in a bowl.

Mm-hmm.

There.

"Now set in warm place to rise."

Yeah, and I'm going to put it

right down here by the oven.

Okay.

Oh! Now, let's get back
to the butter department.

All right.

Gosh!

Ethel, help me.

Oh.

Can you lift it?

Gee, I must have
hurt this some way.

What do you mean?

It's all swollen.

I told you that was
too much yeast.

Well, I just won't have
to bake again so soon.

Now I have to knead it again.

Yeah.

And then I have
to let it set again.

Yeah.

There now.

Oh. You want to get
me a bigger bowl?

Here?

Yeah.

How's this, Lucy?

Okay... ooh!

You think that's enough?

Yeah.

Oh!

Sorry, honey, I'm sorry.

There.

Now I let that
set and that rises.

You'd better help me.

Yeah, I thought so.

There. Back to the butter.

See, I told you that
cream would do the trick.

Imagine... all that butter

and it only cost me $23.75.

Ethel!

Oh, Lucy!

Oh, oh, my...

Ethel! I've got it.

That's awful heavy.

Let me help.

Oh! Oh, oh!

Oh! Oh...

Get this out of here.

You want some help?

Ow! Look, wait a minute.

Let me turn the bowl. Oh!

I think this has
grown to the bowl.

Here, put the bowl over there.

My goodness!

Well, it's a happy,
little loaf, isn't it?

I have to knead this.

All right.

I'll hold the board.

Whoa!

Oh!

Ethel! Ethel!

Whoa! Hang on now!

Oh, Ethel, help me
put it on the board!

Put it up on the board!

I'm sorry, Ethel.

Get that pan over there.

A pan?

Yeah.

How's this?

All right.

Oh, wait a minute
there's a yeast bit there.

I got it, I got it.

Where? There it is, over there.

All right, ready?

Ready.

Whew!

Now I have to...

I have to shape it into a loaf.

Yeah?

Open the oven.

Oh, open the oven.

There.

You ready?

Come on, now, yeah.

Look out.

Oh! Oh!

There.

Now, let's see.

The oven's all preheated,

like it says,

and in a couple of hours,

we'll have some nice
homemade bread.

And butter.

Yeah. What's so tough

about this pioneering business?

Let's play canasta.

Okay.

Don't you look at my hand, now.

Oh, telegram.

Thank you.

Oh, Ethel, it's from the
Society Matrons League!

We're in, we're in!

No kidding.

Look at this!

Let me see, let me see.

"You are invited to a tea

"Friday afternoon at the Waldorf

to be scrutinized..."

Scrutinized?

That's what it says.

"Before your final acceptance

into the Society
Matrons League." Yippee!

Oh, isn't that
wonderful?! Oh, yes.

Now, we have to look
real sharp on Friday.

We have to go to
the beauty parlor

and we have to get the works:

a-a shampoo, a fingerwave,
a manicure, a pedicure,

a permanent... Oh,
wait a minute, Lucy.

What? If we go to a
modern beauty parlor,

we'll lose that
bet with the boys.

Oh, gosh.

Oh, it looks like it'll cost us

50 bucks apiece to
be Society Matrons.

Now, wait a minute,
wait a minute.

There must be some way.

I know, Ethel, our clothes.

What do you mean?

Well, if we... if we were
really living in 1900,

we'd be wearing
bustles and corsets

and the fellows would be wearing

high-button shoes
and celluloid collars

and those skimpy
suits all the time.

You mean, on the
street and down to work?

All the time, and you know
they'd never agree to that,

and we'd win the
bet. You're right.

Hey, do you smell bread?

Maybe it's done.

How did the oven door get open?

Ethel! Ethel, help!

Oh, Ethel!

Oh, Ethel!

Ethel, I'm stuck!

Ethel, get me out!

Oh, Ethel!

Hurry up! Hurry up!

Oh! Watch out for my leg!

Watch out for my leg!

Ethel, watch out,
it'll drop in my lap!

Hi, Ethel.

How do I look?

Oh, you look wonderful!

How do I look?

Like a doll.

Like an old-fashioned doll.

Fred's in the bathtub.

I hid all of his clothes

and left the old-fashioned ones.

Oh, good girl.

That's what I'm
going to do to Ricky.

Gee, I hope this works, Lucy.

It will, but if it doesn't, I
just had another thought.

What?

Well, you know,

I never mentioned
transportation to Ricky,

so I'm going to watch
out the window tonight.

And if he comes home

in a cab, a bus or a subway,

we win the bet.

Ah, that's wonderful.

We're in.

I'll see you later.

Okay.

Oh, no!

♪ Ridi pagliaccio ♪

Oh, don't be so happy.

Ah, honey, I love living
in the turn of the century.

I love a hot bath, too.

Here are your clothes.

What, my clothes!?

Those old-fashioned-
looking things?

Yeah. You thought it was
fine that I was wearing them.

Now wait a minute,
honey, it's different with you.

You stay in the house all day.

I got to go out on the street
and be seen by people.

Sorry!

Now Lucy, you can't be serious

about me wearing these clothes.

I got to go out on the street.

I got to...

Oh, no, no, no, no, no!
Lucy, look out, look out!

Hi, kiddo.

I am the chicken inspector.

And it's my day to crow.

With a little razzmatazz.

What's with him?

He likes those clothes.

What do I care what
kind of clothes I wear

just to fix the plumbing?

Besides, these
remind me of the days

when I was a gay, young blade.

♪ While strolling through
the park one day ♪

♪ In the merry,
merry month of May ♪

♪ I was taken by surprise ♪

♪ By a pair of roguish eyes ♪

♪ While strolling through
the park one day ♪

♪ In May. ♪

Very good, old man.

Thank you, sir.

You know, Lucy, you
gave me a great idea.

I'm going to put a
Gay Nineties number

down at the club.

Now just a minute, Ricky.

You know you have to wear
those clothes all the time,

not just down at the club.

I know, honey.

Be a wonderful advertisement

for the show!

Oh! Oh, fine.

Hey, Rick, doesn't
Ethel look cute?

But what are you wearing
that bustle for, honey?

You don't need it.

Pay no attention to him.

You leave it on.

I'm not wearing a bustle.

Eww!

Uh, is this the
Ricardo residence?

Yes, I'm Mrs. Ricardo.

Good. I'm Mrs. Pettibone.
This is Mrs. Pomerantz.

We're the surprise
investigating committee

for the Society Matrons League.

Oh... oh!

Uh, oh, won't you
come in, please?

Oh!

Uh, oh, this is Mr. and Mrs...

I mean, Mr. and Mrs. Mertz.

Hiya!

Uh, uh, and this is my
husband, Mr. uh... uh...

Ricardo... Ricardo.

Mr. Ricardo.

Won't you sit down, please?

Um...

we pop in like this unexpectedly

so as to investigate

how our prospective
members really live.

Oh.

We want to make
sure they're not bringing

their best foot
forward just for us.

Uh, do you dress
like this normally?

Well, I...

Oh, it's not an every, uh...

Not as a...

Er, uh...

Oh, I see.

Uh, do you mind
if we look around?

Uh, no, of course not.

Help yourselves.

Uh, where's the kitchen, please?

The kitchen?

Thank you.

What are we going to do?

I don't know, what can we do?

Ricky, Ricky, you can think
of something, can't you?

Sure.

What?

You want to call off the bet?

No. No!

All right, honey, all right.

I know how much
this means to you.

I got an idea.

What?

I'll tell them that
we're putting on

an act together for our club,

and they caught us right
in the middle of rehearsal.

Oh, honey, That's wonderful.

Thank you.

Quite interesting.

Quaint, to say the least.

Uh, ladies, uh, I know
what you must think.

You do?

Uh, yes, you see, you
chose the wrong time

for your investigation.

I mean, that is to see
the way that we really live.

You see, eh, we're putting
an act together for my club,

and you caught us right
in the middle of rehearsal.

You put on shows?

Yes.

Why?

Why not?

I mean, uh, do you
do this for a living?

Oh, no, no.

We just developed a bad habit.

We like to eat.

Show people.

Uh, Matilda, we've been
allowing show people

to join for several seasons now.

Oh, yes, it happened
three years ago

when we needed money.

Um, well, we're willing
to make allowances.

We'll look you over

at the Friday
afternoon tea, ladies.

Good afternoon, gentlemen.

Uh, just a minute, just
a minute, just a minute.

What do you mean,
"make allowances"?

What's wrong with show people?

Well, you must admit

that most of them
are a little, uh, uh...

My dear Mrs. Ricardo,

please don't misunderstand me.

The Society Matrons
League as a body

does not disapprove
of show people as such.

Well, perhaps

we have something
against the League.

When you get back to
your blue-blooded sisters

would you tell them
that the Ricardo/Mertz

investigating committee
looked you over,

and we have no desire to join

your phony baloney club!

Yeah, tell them that.

Go ahead, tell them that.

Well!

Well, I guess we'd better leave!

Good afternoon.

So long, kids.

Oh, Lucy, you were wonderful!

Ha, ha, baby,

I love you. You told
those bats. Yeah.

Oh, Lucy, you
said all the things

I was trying to
think of and couldn't.

Ah, sweetheart,
I'm so proud of you.

I'm going to give you the
$50 and call off the bet.

Oh, Ricky, that's wonderful!

Listen, honey, I'm starved.

Let's go out to
dinner, eh? Good.

We got plenty
of food right here.

Well, where? Wha...?

Right here.

♪ Homemade bread with
home-churned butter. ♪

Dive in, everybody.

The last one in the middle

is a rotten egg!

Mrs. Pettebone was
played by Florence Bates.

Mrs. Pomerantz was
played by Ruth Perrott.

"I Love Lucy" is a
Desilu production.