I Love Lucy (1951–1957): Season 1, Episode 24 - The Gossip - full transcript
The boys and girls bet each other breakfast in bed for a month that they can't stop gossiping.
No!
Really, Marge?
Well, confidentially, I've
suspected that right along.
I have, I have.
You know what
I've always thought
about Betty and Jack.
Yeah, well, I've always said
if there was ever
anything in the world...
Lucy, Lucy, for goodness
sakes, get off the phone.
Pardon me, Marge.
Did you say something. Ricky?
Yes, I said, "Lucy, for goodness
sakes, get off the phone."
Oh.
Hello, Marge, bad connection.
Where were we?
Oh, yeah, Betty.
Yeah, uh-huh...
She didn't!
She didn't!
She didn't!
She couldn't!
Maybe that's why she didn't.
Oh, keep quiet.
No, not you, Marge.
Well, honey, I never would
have thought that of Betty.
Oh, good-bye, Marge.
I'm surprised the phone
hasn't grown to your ear.
Oh...
Lucy, why did you stop?
Don't tell me you got
tired of taking Betty apart?
Who got tired?
Marge had to hang up.
Betty just walked in.
Gee, I wonder what
they're saying about me.
Lucy, I want to speak
to you about goss'ping.
"Gossping"?
Yes, I think that gossiping
is vicious and petty
and I think a gossip is the
lowest form of human life.
Oh, so do I.
You don't seem
to get my message.
I was talking about you.
Me gossip?
What do you call what you
were doing on the phone?
Well, it wasn't gossiping.
I prefer to think of it
as a mutual exchange
of vital information.
Ay...
Anyway, she was gossiping.
I was just listening.
Lucy, you remember
the old saying
"Birds of a feather
smell the same"?
You mean, "A rose by any
other name flocks together."
Yeah.
Well, anyway, I
was just listening.
It isn't gossip unless I
tell it to someone else.
Well, that shouldn't
take very long.
Are you implying that I
can't keep my mouth shut?
Yeah.
Well, you'll find out.
Nobody's going to get
this information from me.
My lips are sealed.
Uh, Fred and Ethel
are coming up tonight.
I don't care, my
lips are sealed.
This I got to see.
You will.
Let them in, I'll be right back.
All right.
Hi, Ricky. Hi.
I'm sorry we're late.
I was fixing my hair.
Hey, Rick, is your
phone out of order?
I've been trying to get
you for an hour and a half.
Yeah, well, I know.
Lucy's been on the phone
for an hour and a
half talking to Marge.
Oh.
She's been getting
all the details
in some nice, juicy gossip.
Really?
Who was it? When did it
happen? Who did what?
Oh, come on, Ethel,
reel in your antenna.
Quiet.
Come on, Ricky, give out.
Uh-uh.
Well, Lucy will tell me.
I don't know about that.
She said she
wouldn't say a word.
She said her lips are sealed.
Huh?
Oh, boy, I'll say
they're sealed.
Hey, I kind of like that.
How come you never
went in for one of those?
Oh, shut up.
Lucy, Ricky says you know
a nice piece of juicy gossip.
Well, tell me.
Oh, darn it!
This is liable to
be real good, Fred.
Would you care to join
me in a ringside seat.
Thank you.
Oh, this is maddening.
Who's it about, Lucy?
Madge?
Uh... Blanche?
Um...
Dorothy?
Um...
Luanne?
Uh, Betty?
It's about Betty?
Um...
Uh, Betty and who?
Betty and Fred?
No...
Betty and Ricky?
Oh!
Betty and her husband, Jack!
Oh, Betty and her
husband Jack, yeah!
Um...
what happened?
They had a fight?
What did they... what
did they fight about?
A vase?
A woman?
Another woman?
Betty and her husband,
Jack, had a fight
about another woman? Oh...
Lucy, you promised
you wasn't going
to say anything
to Ethel about it.
You're breaking your promise.
I don't care if you're
not saying anything.
You're still gossiping.
Don't stop her now.
I haven't found
out what happened.
How did Betty find out
about Jack and the other woman?
Who are you?
A man?
Her husband, Jack!
Yeah, her husband, Jack...
and Betty.
No, no...
the other woman!
Jack and the other woman!
Were out dancing?
And drinking?
And kissing?
Oh!
How'd Betty find out about it?
Now, they were dancing...
Yeah, Jack and the
other woman are dancing...
and Betty came in the club...
and saw them!
So she separated them.
Ooh!
Oh!
Oh!
And Jack, Jack, yeah, yeah...
tried to get them to stop
fighting, huh? Yeah...
And they both beat up on him?
Oh!
Now they're all fighting...
all three of them
are fighting...
and somebody came in.
Uh, the manager?
Uh, the bouncer?
Oh!
The doorman.
Uh, uh, uh...
a-a policeman!
A policeman.
He put the girls
in the black Maria?
Oh!
Ooh, he threw in Jack!
Oh, what a juicy
piece of gossip.
What a performance.
Bravo!
Bravo!
Thank you, thank you.
Isn't it amazing what
women go through
to tell each other some dirt?
Fantastic!
Listen, so we gossip
a little... so do men.
Men gossip?
Yes, men gossip.
Well, now...
Now, wait a minute, Fred.
In all fairness, some
men gossip a little.
Who does?
Well, uh, take Marco, my
piano player, for instance.
It was only yesterday
that I caught him
talking to the drummer
about Joe, the trombone
player and what a wolf he is.
Joe, a wolf?
Is he?
I don't see how
he can blow a note
with those fangs of his.
No kidding?
Well, listen, this week
is Nancy, the harpist.
Last week was one
of the girls in the trio.
The week before that,
it was the hat-check girl.
No!
Yeah.
Thank you, Hedda and Lolly.
Now, wait a minute.
The point is, we can
take it or leave it alone.
With you women,
it's your life's blood.
Well, you two aren't
exactly anemic.
I'll bet you that we can
keep from gossiping
longer than you men can.
Oh, that's a hot one!
Girls, you've made
yourself a bet.
Okay, what's the bet?
Well, let's make it
something interesting, now.
I know!
The losers will
serve the winners
breakfast in bed for
a month. How's that?
Okay, you've got
yourself a deal.
All right!
Oh, hiya, Fred.
Oh, hi, Rick.
Wait a second, I'll
walk home with you.
Ah, I'm glad I saw you.
Just coffee.
How are things
in the gossip front?
Well, this is the
third day, isn't it?
Yeah, I haven't heard a
peep of gossip out of Lucy.
Not a peep out
of my biddy either.
Thank you.
You know, I have a plan
but I think it's
a little sneaky.
Good, let's hear it.
Well, I thought maybe
we could cook up
some sensational
hunk of gossip, see...
Uh-huh?
And then we tell it to our wives
and leave them alone and
wait for them to explode.
Well, there will be
an explosion, all right
except for one thing.
What's that?
If we tell them, then
we'll be gossiping.
Oh, yeah, I
didn't think of that.
It was a nice try,
though... good try.
Listen.
Huh?
Supposing that, accidentally, we
mumbled something in our sleep
and our wives overheard it.
We couldn't be accused
of gossiping then, could we?
Well, no...
but what with...
oh, you mean we-we pretend
that we're talking in our sleep?
You got me.
Ricky, you're a Cuban genius.
Thank you.
Now, let's see...
who will we make
up the story about?
Well, what about...
wait a minute, now.
What about the Foster
woman, the blonde in 3-B?
They're both jealous
of her looks anyway.
Yeah, Grace Foster.
Yeah.
That's good, that's good.
Grace Foster and who?
The milkman.
The milkman?
Yes.
That little, bitty guy?
Yeah.
He's so bashful.
That makes it all the juicier.
Grace Foster.
Grace Foster.
Grace Foster!
Huh? What's the matter?
What's the matter, Ricky?
Oh, you must have
had a nightmare.
Sleep well, little husband.
Grace Foster.
Grace Foster?
What about Grace Foster?
What are you dreaming about?
Why are you smiling like that?
What about Grace Foster?
Grace Foster is running away.
Grace Foster is
running away with...
Don't stop now.
Go on.
Grace Foster is running
away with the milkman.
The milkman?
Uh-huh.
Go on, go on.
Grace Foster y el lechero
se van a salir juntos...
In English, in English!
Grace Foster is running
away with the milkman
and her husband
doesn't suspect anything.
Go on.
That is all.
Ooh, Ethel will die
when she hears this.
I can't keep it to
myself another minute.
I'll call her right now.
Gee, it's pretty late.
I wonder what time it is.
4:00.
Well, she might still be up.
I can't tell her
without losing that bet.
It would be gossip.
Darn it!
That's right, sleep, you big ox.
What? What?
What happened?
What? What happened?
You must have
been dreaming, dear.
Oh... oh.
Good night, dear.
Good night.
I'm a real stinker, all right.
Ricky!
Ricky!
Hello, Fred.
How did it go last night?
Wonderful.
She swallowed the whole story.
How did it go with Ethel?
Well, if she'd have
flapped her ears anymore,
she would have taken off
and circled the room.
Listen, we're a
cinch to win the bet.
How do you know?
Well, Lucy just announced
that she's going
to go downstairs
and borrow a cup
of flour from Ethel.
Well, let's not
waste any more time.
Where are we going?
We'll go down to the basement
and listen through
the furnace pipe.
Good idea.
Come on!
Ricky, I'm going downstairs now.
Ricky?
Oh. Oh.
I just came up to
borrow a cup of sugar.
I was just coming down
to borrow a cup of flour.
Well, come on in, sit down.
Okay.
How about a cup of coffee?
Uh, no, thanks.
Um...
How have you been?
Oh, I've been fine, fine.
I feel wonderful.
How have you been?
Great, great, never felt better.
Well, let's drink
to our good health.
What's new?
Um, uh... uh...
Nothing.
What's new with you?
Nothing.
Dull, aren't we?
Yeah.
Well, I might as well go home.
How about your sugar?
Sugar?
Oh, never mind.
I really didn't need
any flour either.
Well, so long.
Bye.
Drop up later, Ethel.
I got a pudding in the oven.
Pudding?
What kind?
Grace Foster... I
mean, brown Betty!
You know, then!
Yes, do you? Yes!
Ricky, are you in there?
What did you hear?
I heard that Grace
is getting ready
to run away with the milkman!
They're going to Mexico
and get a quick divorce
and they're settling
in Steubenville.
Steubenville?! Yeah.
He's got a new milk route.
Oh.
Well, if you ask me, I think
her husband is well rid of her.
I think so, too.
I think so, too.
Ethel Mertz!
What's that? What's that?
You ought to be
ashamed of yourself.
Who's that?
This is your conscience.
You have been gossiping.
Ethel, you've got the loudest
conscience I ever heard.
Lucy Ricardo!
This is your conscience.
You've been goss'ping, too.
Oh, fine, my conscience
has an accent.
Ricky Ricardo, where are you?!
Fred and I are down
in the basement.
We listened to the whole thing
through the furnace pipe.
Looks like you've
lost the bet, girls.
Oh!
Keep them talking.
Um, uh, what are you
doing down there now?
We knew you'd blab that
phony Grace Foster story
to each other.
Phony?
Yes, we dreamt it up
and told it to you
last night in our sleep.
There! Maybe a little
soot will teach them
not to be so smart next time.
How do you like that?
They deliberately tricked us.
What a couple of fools we are.
Now we got to
give those two bums
breakfast in bed for a month.
What a revolting thought.
Wait a minute!
If they weren't asleep,
they were awake.
Well, that's a
monumental conclusion.
No, no, I mean if
they were awake
when they told us that story,
they were gossiping.
Yeah!
How about that?
Suddenly the breakfast
is on the other foot.
Well, if it isn't the
coal-dust twins.
Very funny.
All right, girls, we won
the bet fair and square.
Didn't we, Fred?
That we did.
Now, let's see...
tomorrow morning I would
like some orange juice
two eggs basted, ham,
toast, jam and coffee.
I'll have the same, sweetie.
Well, that's just wonderful
except for tomorrow morning,
you'll be serving it to us.
She is so right.
What do you mean?
I mean you weren't
really talking in your sleep
so you were gossiping first!
Now, wait a minute,
girls, wait a minute.
You have misconstrued
the entire point
of the situation.
Now, you see, if
the story were true
then we would
have been gossiping
but the story was not true...
We made it up.
The whole thing was "friction"
so we were not gossiping.
Now, you girls believed
that the story was true
so you were gossiping.
Now, that's the whole thing.
Oh, that is the silliest way
of trying to crawl
out of a bet...
What do you mean, "friction"?
Wait a minute!
Good morning, Your Majesty.
Good morning.
That's nice.
You're a very good wife.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
Ricky, don't start
till I get there!
Fred, what are
you doing up here?
Well, I thought we ought to
share our moment of triumph.
May I?
Be my guest.
Where are you, Ethel?
Coming, master.
This is the life,
isn't it, Fred?
We're living like kings.
Why did you ever agree
that they won the bet?
Well, Ethel, it
would be different
if that story about Grace Foster
and the milkman
was true, but it wasn't.
That's right.
Absolutely.
Help! Help! Save me! Help!
What's this? Who's that?
Save me! He's after
me, he's after me!
Who's after you?
Oh, all my milk will turn sour.
He's after me! Who's
after you? Who's after you?
Who's that?
Mr. Foster, Mr. Foster!
Mr. Foster?!
Where can I hide?
In there. Oh...
All right, where is that...?
Oh, help hide him, Lucy.
What's going on here?
Just watch me get my
hands on that little shrimp!
That's all I want
to do is find him!
What do you mean
breaking in here?
What's going on
here, Mr. Foster?
I'll teach that
cow juice peddler
to flirt with my wife.
Come on out, you
cottage cheese Casanova!
What you doing
there, you little shrimp...
Mr. Foster, now, now nothing
can be settled with a gun.
No?
You'll just go to jail.
Wow.
Now, you don't want
to go to jail, do you?
No.
Now... now, this is something
that should be settled
between you and
your wife, Grace.
Yeah, I guess shooting
him wouldn't solve anything.
It certainly wouldn't.
I suppose maybe I
ought to give Grace
a chance to explain.
That's right.
Yeah.
But let me tell you one thing.
From now on, we
drink goat's milk.
So there's no truth to
the story, hey, fellas?
Yeah, how about that, boys?
Oh, no, you don't.
I'll have honeydew melon
filled with strawberries
eggs Benedict and hot chocolate.
I'll have the same, Fatso.
Eso es lo que quiere
comer para el desayuno...
Un pedazo de honeydew
melon, Benedict eggs
filled with strawberry
y chocolate caliente...
Oh, I forgot all about you.
You're safe now.
What a break
he chose this
apartment to hide in.
Would you hand me
my purse there please?
Oh.
Thank you.
Now, here's five dollars for you
and please give this
five dollars to Mr. Foster
and tell him I said,
"thank you very much."
You both gave
wonderful performances.
Aw, think nothing
of it, Mrs. Ricardo.
Oh, with my compliments.
Oh, thank you.
It was a pleasure.
Any time.
Bye-bye.
The part of the milkman
was played by Bobby Jellison.
Mr. Foster was
played by Dick Reeves.
I Love Lucy is a
Desilu production.
Really, Marge?
Well, confidentially, I've
suspected that right along.
I have, I have.
You know what
I've always thought
about Betty and Jack.
Yeah, well, I've always said
if there was ever
anything in the world...
Lucy, Lucy, for goodness
sakes, get off the phone.
Pardon me, Marge.
Did you say something. Ricky?
Yes, I said, "Lucy, for goodness
sakes, get off the phone."
Oh.
Hello, Marge, bad connection.
Where were we?
Oh, yeah, Betty.
Yeah, uh-huh...
She didn't!
She didn't!
She didn't!
She couldn't!
Maybe that's why she didn't.
Oh, keep quiet.
No, not you, Marge.
Well, honey, I never would
have thought that of Betty.
Oh, good-bye, Marge.
I'm surprised the phone
hasn't grown to your ear.
Oh...
Lucy, why did you stop?
Don't tell me you got
tired of taking Betty apart?
Who got tired?
Marge had to hang up.
Betty just walked in.
Gee, I wonder what
they're saying about me.
Lucy, I want to speak
to you about goss'ping.
"Gossping"?
Yes, I think that gossiping
is vicious and petty
and I think a gossip is the
lowest form of human life.
Oh, so do I.
You don't seem
to get my message.
I was talking about you.
Me gossip?
What do you call what you
were doing on the phone?
Well, it wasn't gossiping.
I prefer to think of it
as a mutual exchange
of vital information.
Ay...
Anyway, she was gossiping.
I was just listening.
Lucy, you remember
the old saying
"Birds of a feather
smell the same"?
You mean, "A rose by any
other name flocks together."
Yeah.
Well, anyway, I
was just listening.
It isn't gossip unless I
tell it to someone else.
Well, that shouldn't
take very long.
Are you implying that I
can't keep my mouth shut?
Yeah.
Well, you'll find out.
Nobody's going to get
this information from me.
My lips are sealed.
Uh, Fred and Ethel
are coming up tonight.
I don't care, my
lips are sealed.
This I got to see.
You will.
Let them in, I'll be right back.
All right.
Hi, Ricky. Hi.
I'm sorry we're late.
I was fixing my hair.
Hey, Rick, is your
phone out of order?
I've been trying to get
you for an hour and a half.
Yeah, well, I know.
Lucy's been on the phone
for an hour and a
half talking to Marge.
Oh.
She's been getting
all the details
in some nice, juicy gossip.
Really?
Who was it? When did it
happen? Who did what?
Oh, come on, Ethel,
reel in your antenna.
Quiet.
Come on, Ricky, give out.
Uh-uh.
Well, Lucy will tell me.
I don't know about that.
She said she
wouldn't say a word.
She said her lips are sealed.
Huh?
Oh, boy, I'll say
they're sealed.
Hey, I kind of like that.
How come you never
went in for one of those?
Oh, shut up.
Lucy, Ricky says you know
a nice piece of juicy gossip.
Well, tell me.
Oh, darn it!
This is liable to
be real good, Fred.
Would you care to join
me in a ringside seat.
Thank you.
Oh, this is maddening.
Who's it about, Lucy?
Madge?
Uh... Blanche?
Um...
Dorothy?
Um...
Luanne?
Uh, Betty?
It's about Betty?
Um...
Uh, Betty and who?
Betty and Fred?
No...
Betty and Ricky?
Oh!
Betty and her husband, Jack!
Oh, Betty and her
husband Jack, yeah!
Um...
what happened?
They had a fight?
What did they... what
did they fight about?
A vase?
A woman?
Another woman?
Betty and her husband,
Jack, had a fight
about another woman? Oh...
Lucy, you promised
you wasn't going
to say anything
to Ethel about it.
You're breaking your promise.
I don't care if you're
not saying anything.
You're still gossiping.
Don't stop her now.
I haven't found
out what happened.
How did Betty find out
about Jack and the other woman?
Who are you?
A man?
Her husband, Jack!
Yeah, her husband, Jack...
and Betty.
No, no...
the other woman!
Jack and the other woman!
Were out dancing?
And drinking?
And kissing?
Oh!
How'd Betty find out about it?
Now, they were dancing...
Yeah, Jack and the
other woman are dancing...
and Betty came in the club...
and saw them!
So she separated them.
Ooh!
Oh!
Oh!
And Jack, Jack, yeah, yeah...
tried to get them to stop
fighting, huh? Yeah...
And they both beat up on him?
Oh!
Now they're all fighting...
all three of them
are fighting...
and somebody came in.
Uh, the manager?
Uh, the bouncer?
Oh!
The doorman.
Uh, uh, uh...
a-a policeman!
A policeman.
He put the girls
in the black Maria?
Oh!
Ooh, he threw in Jack!
Oh, what a juicy
piece of gossip.
What a performance.
Bravo!
Bravo!
Thank you, thank you.
Isn't it amazing what
women go through
to tell each other some dirt?
Fantastic!
Listen, so we gossip
a little... so do men.
Men gossip?
Yes, men gossip.
Well, now...
Now, wait a minute, Fred.
In all fairness, some
men gossip a little.
Who does?
Well, uh, take Marco, my
piano player, for instance.
It was only yesterday
that I caught him
talking to the drummer
about Joe, the trombone
player and what a wolf he is.
Joe, a wolf?
Is he?
I don't see how
he can blow a note
with those fangs of his.
No kidding?
Well, listen, this week
is Nancy, the harpist.
Last week was one
of the girls in the trio.
The week before that,
it was the hat-check girl.
No!
Yeah.
Thank you, Hedda and Lolly.
Now, wait a minute.
The point is, we can
take it or leave it alone.
With you women,
it's your life's blood.
Well, you two aren't
exactly anemic.
I'll bet you that we can
keep from gossiping
longer than you men can.
Oh, that's a hot one!
Girls, you've made
yourself a bet.
Okay, what's the bet?
Well, let's make it
something interesting, now.
I know!
The losers will
serve the winners
breakfast in bed for
a month. How's that?
Okay, you've got
yourself a deal.
All right!
Oh, hiya, Fred.
Oh, hi, Rick.
Wait a second, I'll
walk home with you.
Ah, I'm glad I saw you.
Just coffee.
How are things
in the gossip front?
Well, this is the
third day, isn't it?
Yeah, I haven't heard a
peep of gossip out of Lucy.
Not a peep out
of my biddy either.
Thank you.
You know, I have a plan
but I think it's
a little sneaky.
Good, let's hear it.
Well, I thought maybe
we could cook up
some sensational
hunk of gossip, see...
Uh-huh?
And then we tell it to our wives
and leave them alone and
wait for them to explode.
Well, there will be
an explosion, all right
except for one thing.
What's that?
If we tell them, then
we'll be gossiping.
Oh, yeah, I
didn't think of that.
It was a nice try,
though... good try.
Listen.
Huh?
Supposing that, accidentally, we
mumbled something in our sleep
and our wives overheard it.
We couldn't be accused
of gossiping then, could we?
Well, no...
but what with...
oh, you mean we-we pretend
that we're talking in our sleep?
You got me.
Ricky, you're a Cuban genius.
Thank you.
Now, let's see...
who will we make
up the story about?
Well, what about...
wait a minute, now.
What about the Foster
woman, the blonde in 3-B?
They're both jealous
of her looks anyway.
Yeah, Grace Foster.
Yeah.
That's good, that's good.
Grace Foster and who?
The milkman.
The milkman?
Yes.
That little, bitty guy?
Yeah.
He's so bashful.
That makes it all the juicier.
Grace Foster.
Grace Foster.
Grace Foster!
Huh? What's the matter?
What's the matter, Ricky?
Oh, you must have
had a nightmare.
Sleep well, little husband.
Grace Foster.
Grace Foster?
What about Grace Foster?
What are you dreaming about?
Why are you smiling like that?
What about Grace Foster?
Grace Foster is running away.
Grace Foster is
running away with...
Don't stop now.
Go on.
Grace Foster is running
away with the milkman.
The milkman?
Uh-huh.
Go on, go on.
Grace Foster y el lechero
se van a salir juntos...
In English, in English!
Grace Foster is running
away with the milkman
and her husband
doesn't suspect anything.
Go on.
That is all.
Ooh, Ethel will die
when she hears this.
I can't keep it to
myself another minute.
I'll call her right now.
Gee, it's pretty late.
I wonder what time it is.
4:00.
Well, she might still be up.
I can't tell her
without losing that bet.
It would be gossip.
Darn it!
That's right, sleep, you big ox.
What? What?
What happened?
What? What happened?
You must have
been dreaming, dear.
Oh... oh.
Good night, dear.
Good night.
I'm a real stinker, all right.
Ricky!
Ricky!
Hello, Fred.
How did it go last night?
Wonderful.
She swallowed the whole story.
How did it go with Ethel?
Well, if she'd have
flapped her ears anymore,
she would have taken off
and circled the room.
Listen, we're a
cinch to win the bet.
How do you know?
Well, Lucy just announced
that she's going
to go downstairs
and borrow a cup
of flour from Ethel.
Well, let's not
waste any more time.
Where are we going?
We'll go down to the basement
and listen through
the furnace pipe.
Good idea.
Come on!
Ricky, I'm going downstairs now.
Ricky?
Oh. Oh.
I just came up to
borrow a cup of sugar.
I was just coming down
to borrow a cup of flour.
Well, come on in, sit down.
Okay.
How about a cup of coffee?
Uh, no, thanks.
Um...
How have you been?
Oh, I've been fine, fine.
I feel wonderful.
How have you been?
Great, great, never felt better.
Well, let's drink
to our good health.
What's new?
Um, uh... uh...
Nothing.
What's new with you?
Nothing.
Dull, aren't we?
Yeah.
Well, I might as well go home.
How about your sugar?
Sugar?
Oh, never mind.
I really didn't need
any flour either.
Well, so long.
Bye.
Drop up later, Ethel.
I got a pudding in the oven.
Pudding?
What kind?
Grace Foster... I
mean, brown Betty!
You know, then!
Yes, do you? Yes!
Ricky, are you in there?
What did you hear?
I heard that Grace
is getting ready
to run away with the milkman!
They're going to Mexico
and get a quick divorce
and they're settling
in Steubenville.
Steubenville?! Yeah.
He's got a new milk route.
Oh.
Well, if you ask me, I think
her husband is well rid of her.
I think so, too.
I think so, too.
Ethel Mertz!
What's that? What's that?
You ought to be
ashamed of yourself.
Who's that?
This is your conscience.
You have been gossiping.
Ethel, you've got the loudest
conscience I ever heard.
Lucy Ricardo!
This is your conscience.
You've been goss'ping, too.
Oh, fine, my conscience
has an accent.
Ricky Ricardo, where are you?!
Fred and I are down
in the basement.
We listened to the whole thing
through the furnace pipe.
Looks like you've
lost the bet, girls.
Oh!
Keep them talking.
Um, uh, what are you
doing down there now?
We knew you'd blab that
phony Grace Foster story
to each other.
Phony?
Yes, we dreamt it up
and told it to you
last night in our sleep.
There! Maybe a little
soot will teach them
not to be so smart next time.
How do you like that?
They deliberately tricked us.
What a couple of fools we are.
Now we got to
give those two bums
breakfast in bed for a month.
What a revolting thought.
Wait a minute!
If they weren't asleep,
they were awake.
Well, that's a
monumental conclusion.
No, no, I mean if
they were awake
when they told us that story,
they were gossiping.
Yeah!
How about that?
Suddenly the breakfast
is on the other foot.
Well, if it isn't the
coal-dust twins.
Very funny.
All right, girls, we won
the bet fair and square.
Didn't we, Fred?
That we did.
Now, let's see...
tomorrow morning I would
like some orange juice
two eggs basted, ham,
toast, jam and coffee.
I'll have the same, sweetie.
Well, that's just wonderful
except for tomorrow morning,
you'll be serving it to us.
She is so right.
What do you mean?
I mean you weren't
really talking in your sleep
so you were gossiping first!
Now, wait a minute,
girls, wait a minute.
You have misconstrued
the entire point
of the situation.
Now, you see, if
the story were true
then we would
have been gossiping
but the story was not true...
We made it up.
The whole thing was "friction"
so we were not gossiping.
Now, you girls believed
that the story was true
so you were gossiping.
Now, that's the whole thing.
Oh, that is the silliest way
of trying to crawl
out of a bet...
What do you mean, "friction"?
Wait a minute!
Good morning, Your Majesty.
Good morning.
That's nice.
You're a very good wife.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
Ricky, don't start
till I get there!
Fred, what are
you doing up here?
Well, I thought we ought to
share our moment of triumph.
May I?
Be my guest.
Where are you, Ethel?
Coming, master.
This is the life,
isn't it, Fred?
We're living like kings.
Why did you ever agree
that they won the bet?
Well, Ethel, it
would be different
if that story about Grace Foster
and the milkman
was true, but it wasn't.
That's right.
Absolutely.
Help! Help! Save me! Help!
What's this? Who's that?
Save me! He's after
me, he's after me!
Who's after you?
Oh, all my milk will turn sour.
He's after me! Who's
after you? Who's after you?
Who's that?
Mr. Foster, Mr. Foster!
Mr. Foster?!
Where can I hide?
In there. Oh...
All right, where is that...?
Oh, help hide him, Lucy.
What's going on here?
Just watch me get my
hands on that little shrimp!
That's all I want
to do is find him!
What do you mean
breaking in here?
What's going on
here, Mr. Foster?
I'll teach that
cow juice peddler
to flirt with my wife.
Come on out, you
cottage cheese Casanova!
What you doing
there, you little shrimp...
Mr. Foster, now, now nothing
can be settled with a gun.
No?
You'll just go to jail.
Wow.
Now, you don't want
to go to jail, do you?
No.
Now... now, this is something
that should be settled
between you and
your wife, Grace.
Yeah, I guess shooting
him wouldn't solve anything.
It certainly wouldn't.
I suppose maybe I
ought to give Grace
a chance to explain.
That's right.
Yeah.
But let me tell you one thing.
From now on, we
drink goat's milk.
So there's no truth to
the story, hey, fellas?
Yeah, how about that, boys?
Oh, no, you don't.
I'll have honeydew melon
filled with strawberries
eggs Benedict and hot chocolate.
I'll have the same, Fatso.
Eso es lo que quiere
comer para el desayuno...
Un pedazo de honeydew
melon, Benedict eggs
filled with strawberry
y chocolate caliente...
Oh, I forgot all about you.
You're safe now.
What a break
he chose this
apartment to hide in.
Would you hand me
my purse there please?
Oh.
Thank you.
Now, here's five dollars for you
and please give this
five dollars to Mr. Foster
and tell him I said,
"thank you very much."
You both gave
wonderful performances.
Aw, think nothing
of it, Mrs. Ricardo.
Oh, with my compliments.
Oh, thank you.
It was a pleasure.
Any time.
Bye-bye.
The part of the milkman
was played by Bobby Jellison.
Mr. Foster was
played by Dick Reeves.
I Love Lucy is a
Desilu production.