I Love Lucy (1951–1957): Season 1, Episode 21 - New Neighbors - full transcript
Lucy thinks the new neighbors are plotting a murder.
Gee, two vanloads of furniture.
What can they do
with so much junk?
Mm. Where'd they ever
get that sofa? Isn't that a...?
Are you still hanging
out that window?
Now, come on, honey...
I want my breakfast.
There's some coffee over there.
I'll make you some
soft-boiled chairs in a minute.
What? I mean, eggs.
Look at those
chairs, will you, Ethel?
Ugh.
Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay.
Hi, Rick.
Hello, Fred.
Ethel up here?
Oh, there she is.
The nosy twins.
They've been hanging
out that window
for an hour, snooping.
You'd think they'd never seen
anyone move into an apartment before.
Do you want some
coffee? No, thanks.
Ethel, look at
those china lamps.
He shouldn't try to
balance that lamp
on that table like that.
Oh, honey, now, those moving
men know what they're doing.
They never drop any...
Oh... Oh...
Well, I guess one
lamp's better than none.
Ethel, come out of that window.
Suppose the new
tenant should see you.
There's nobody down
there but the moving men.
They won't be satisfied
until they see every last bit
of those people's,
uh, paraphernalia.
Par...
Que no va a estar conforme
hasta que no ven
el ultimo trasto
de los nuevos vecinos.
Oh, paraphernalia.
You understand Spanish?
No.
Now, come out of
there, both of you.
Come on! You've
done enough snooping.
We're not snooping.
I'm surprised they're
not using binoculars.
Oh, I forgot I had them.
Say, that must be the
new tenant coming up now.
Isn't he handsome?
"Handsome"?
How can you call him handsome
with those bugged-out
eyes and long hairy legs?
Huh?
Hey, you got a fly on the lens.
Oh!
Ooh, say, he is handsome.
Let me see through those things.
Ethel!
Curiosity killed
the cat, eh, Fred?
Yeah, but we'll never
get a break like that.
Now, why can't they
wait until tomorrow
to see what those
people look like?
I don't know.
It doesn't make
any difference to me
what they look like.
Me, neither.
Hey, who was that?
Do you suppose
that could be his wife?
Look at that
gorgeous blond hair.
Ethel Mertz!
How do you dare
let a woman like that
that has a figure like that,
come into this building?
That's the biggest
mista... Just a minute.
Hey, fellas! Give me that,
will you? Nothing doing.
Fred, give me that thing!
Fellas, watch it, will you?
Gee, I'm sure glad
men aren't nosy.
Yeah.
Wow, wow.
All right, fellas,
break it up, will you?
We were here first.
Get your own window.
Ah... they gone inside.
That's all, girls.
Yeah, the show is over. Here.
Well, something tells me
I'm going to be
doing a lot of repairing
in that apartment.
Ah...
You need a helper?
Have you got a card?
I'll join.
Okay, Ethel, what's the
dirt on the new tenants?
Where are they from?
I don't know.
What business is he in?
I don't know.
Do they have any children?
I don't know.
What's the matter with
you? Your radar bent?
No, they rented the
apartment through an agent.
All I know is their
name is O'Brien
she's a blonde, and
they've got one broken lamp.
Well, what are we waiting for?
Let's go down and call
on them. Okay, let's go.
Now, now, wait a minute, Ethel.
Give them a
chance to get settled.
Yeah, I guess he's right.
No sense rushing things.
Okay, let's go.
Lucy, come on!
Well, I'm trying to, but there's
a very strong current here.
Ricky, let go. Come here, Lucy.
You're not going
to go downstairs.
Why not?
Because there's nothing
downstairs that concerns you.
You'll have to give me
a better reason than that.
You just go in the kitchen
and fix my breakfast.
Oh... we'll go
down later, Ethel.
His majesty is hungry.
Okay, there's plenty of time.
His majesty has
another proclamation.
I don't want you to
go down there at all.
"At all" as in "never"?
Right.
Now, repeat after me:
I, Lucy Ricardo,
promise never to set foot
in the O'Brien apartment.
Oh, really.
Come on.
I, Lucy Ricardo, promise
never to set foot...
Wait a minute, wait a
minute, wait a minute.
Uh-huh.
Now.
I, Lucy Ricardo,
promise never to set foot
in the O'Brien
apartment... okay?
Okay.
Okay.
Information.
Do you have a telephone number
for O'Brien, 623
East 68th Street?
They just moved in today.
One moment, please.
Fred, are you going to be long?
I want to use the phone.
No, no, I'll just be a minute.
I thought I'd call downstairs
and see if there's anything
they wanted me to do...
Are you calling the O'Briens?
They'll call you if they
want anything done.
You're never too
busy to do anything
when there's a blonde around.
Are you calling them?
How can you think
a thing like that?
Oh, hello, Mr. Thompson?
How's the plumbing
holding up down there?
Well, good.
No, no, no, not at all, thanks.
Help yourself.
The number for the O'Briens
is Murray Hill 5-9-5-7-0.
Stick 'em up.
Tom, you scared me to death.
Hiya, baby.
Hi. Put this on the
mantel for me, will you?
Forget about unpacking.
We've got a script to learn.
But, Tom, this place... Look, honey,
this television show goes on Friday night.
We don't even
know our lines yet.
Well, I know mine.
All right, smarty.
I'll help you with yours.
Good. Now, let's see.
I think I know that
first scene, baby.
Let's start with the second one.
All right.
Now, where are we?
Are you sure this
is the right place?
I am positive.
They live in this
building on an upper floor.
Good.
Let me go over the
plan with you once more.
We do away with them both...
Dispose of the bodies
and assume their identities.
We become them, yes?
Exactly.
It is dangerous
but it is our only chance
to stay in this country
so we can blow up the capital.
Shh!
You know, that's
pretty corny dialogue.
Yeah, even for television.
Well, it's a living.
Let's see, where were we?
You know, my little chicken,
this job will not be easy.
They're clever and
physically strong.
"Physically strong"...
"Physically strong"... Yeah, I
thought you knew your part, baby.
That's the first
one I've missed.
It's, "Especially..."
Especially the red-haired one.
Did you notice those
big bulging muscles
those-those popping eyes,
and-and that horrible,
ugly, leering face?
I will take care of
that one, silently,
with a knife in the back.
You will handle the other.
I will, on one condition...
That you take me out to lunch.
Huh?
It's 3:00 and I'm starved. Ah.
I haven't had anything
to eat since breakfast.
All right.
Come on, let's go down to the
drugstore and have a sandwich.
We can finish rehearsing
when we get back.
Okay, baby.
I will take care of
that one, silently,
with a knife in the back.
Hey...
Oh.
Wait.
Good, they have not seen us.
The coast is clear.
Darling, you're such a fool.
You know, baby, I think
we're going to like this place.
Mrs. O'Brien?
Mrs. O'Brien, it's
me, the landlady.
Is there anything I
can help you with?
Mrs. O'Brien?
Ew.
Hi, Ethel.
Lucy.
What about your promise?
Well, I promised Ricky
I wouldn't set foot
in this apartment,
but that doesn't mean I
can't stay out here in the hall
and give a long-distance snoop.
Aren't they home? No.
I had to wait all morning
and half the afternoon
for them to leave.
What'd you find?
Well...
Lucy, what period is this?
19th-century provincial?
Looks like 20th-century ugly.
What else is there?
These lamps.
Now that I see
these lamps up close
it's too bad they didn't
drop both of them.
Where are they?
Here.
Oh...
Gosh, this is the
most frustrating thing
that ever happened to me.
Wait, I'll bring
one over to you.
No, listen... Just
because I promised Ricky
that I wouldn't set
foot in this apartment
doesn't mean I
can't set knees in.
So long as I keep
my feet off the floor
I'm an honest woman, right?
He'd better see his dentist.
Oh, fine thing... She
removed all the price tags.
Hey, look at this.
What is that?
Early Pullman.
Lucy!
Ricky's home.
Lucy!
He's coming down
here. What'll I do?
Hide someplace.
I'll get rid of him.
But where?
In the closet.
Oh, hi, Ethel.
I have a perfect
right to be here.
Who said you didn't?
Well, uh...
I just came up to see
if everything was all right,
and everything's all right.
Well, let's go.
You seen Lucy?
Lucy who?
Lucy Ricardo, my wife.
Oh, that Lucy.
Yeah, that Lucy.
No, I haven't seen her.
Let's go.
Are you sure this
is the right place?
I am positive.
They live in this building
on an upper floor.
Good.
Let me go over the
plan with you once more.
We do away with them both...
Dispose of the bodies
and assume their identities.
We become them, yes?
Exactly.
It is dangerous,
but it is our only chance
to stay in this country
so we can blow up the capital.
Shh!
You know, my little chicken,
this job will not be easy.
They are clever
and physically strong.
Especially the red-haired one.
Did you notice...
did you notice those
big bulging muscles,
those-those popping eyes
and that horrible,
ugly, leering face?
I will take care of
that one, silently,
with a knife in the back.
You will handle the other.
Do not worry.
In a dark alley,
a loop of silver wire
around the neck...
One tug... poof!
Wait...
I do not know if
you actually realize
the importance of this mission.
What a great honor
it is for you and I
to have been
chosen to perform it.
It is a crowning glory.
It makes us the
most trusted agents
in our nation's service.
I am overwhelmed with pride.
Darling...
when this assignment is over
and we return to
our native homeland,
I will tell you something
that I have wanted to say
to you for a long, long time.
Tell me now.
No, there is no time
for personal emotion.
We have a job to do.
That is all that counts.
Tell me now.
No.
I think I can guess.
What do you think it is?
Tell me.
No, guess.
Kiss me.
Ah, you guessed.
Enough of this.
We are on a sacred mission.
We cannot be weak.
You are right
but I'll remember this
until we can be weak again.
Now, my little chicken,
are all our
preparations in order?
Now, my little chicken...
Now, my little chicken,
are all our preparations in...
Now, my little chicken, are
all our preparations in order?
You have the knife?
Yes.
The silver wire?
Yes.
The map?
Yes.
The explosives?
Yes.
The two-way
wrist television set?
Yes.
Good.
I cannot...
I cannot think as a patriot.
My blood is pounding in my ears.
As a woman, I beg of you...
be weak again.
The roar of my blood
is loud and deep.
What a tragedy my
life has been up to now.
I see for the first time
that to love is to live.
Hey, not bad, eh?
That's gin.
Aw, Ricky.
That's all.
Oh, no, let's play one
more hand, Ricky, huh?
All right.
Oh, there you are, Ethel.
Have you got the pass key?
I want to check the heat
in Miss Lewis's apartment.
Lucy, what are you doing?
They're after us. Help me.
Well, what happened?
What are you talking about?
Who's after who?
The O'Briens, Ethel.
You're nurturing two vipers
in your brownstone bosom.
What?
Lucy... have you been
snooping downstairs?
Yes, I've been snooping
and it's a good
thing I did, too.
Those people are
foreign enemy agents.
They're going to rub us out
and they're not going
to use an eraser either.
Lucy, you mean to tell me
that you went downstairs
after you promised me not to?
Yes, I've been a bad girl and
you can spank me tomorrow
if there's anything
left to spank!
Well, didn't you
hear what I said?
What's the matter with you?
Our lives are in danger!
Now, look, honey
why would those people
want to give us a rubdown?
Rub us out!
I heard them.
They're going to kill us
and assume our identities.
Why?
So they can blow up the capital.
"Blow up the capital."
Yes! Now, look, honey...
Now, wait a minute.
Maybe we'd better
pay attention to Lucy.
After all, she was
in their apartment.
Yeah, and I'm going
to call the police.
I got to get them over here.
We got to save the country.
Now, now, look, honey,
calm down, will you?
Let's talk this thing over.
Now, wait a minute. A lot
of talking you're going to do
with a silver wire
wrapped around your neck.
Silver wire?
Yeah!
Aw, honey, you'd
better lie down.
Come on, now. I
don't want to lie down!
If I go, I want to be...
go standing up fighting.
I think it's time to turn on
the furnace. Good luck, Rick.
And you go with him, Ricky.
I'll try to settle
her down. All right.
Ricky, you're not going to
leave me at a time like this!
When you come
back, I might be gone!
Well, if you go, leave me a note
and tell me where I
can find my clean socks.
Ricky!
Why won't anybody believe me?
Oh... I'm telling you I heard.
Oh, come on, now,
honey. I heard it! I heard it!
Calm down. I know what I heard!
Now, Lucy, are you
sure you heard right?
Cross my heart
and hope to... Oh!
Oh, dear.
Well, I'm not going to
sit here like a sitting duck.
I'm going to call the police.
Operator, give me the police.
32nd Precinct. Sergeant
Morton speaking.
Help!
Name, please.
Mrs. Ricky Ricardo.
Send a squad of
men over right away.
Send two squads,
the whole force.
Address?
623 East 68th Street, and hurry.
Now, Mrs. Ricardo, what
seems to be your trouble?
Well... some people
that moved in downstairs
are plotting to kill us.
Do you know these people?
No.
Then, how do you know
they're going to kill you?
I heard them.
I-I just happened to be hiding
in their closet at the time.
I see.
And why do you suppose
they want to kill you?
So they can
assume our identities
and blow up the capital.
This is serious.
You're darn right it is!
These people are agents
of some foreign government.
What's their names?
O'Brien.
Lady, have you been
nipping on the cooking sherry?
Oh, please, you've
got to believe me.
I'm, I'm living on
borrowed time.
It was only by a
very clever ruse
that I managed to escape
from their apartment
right under their eyes.
And how did you manage that?
I pretended to be a chair.
I don't think the police
can help you, madam.
Why don't you
call an upholsterer?
Oh, Officer,
please, I'm serious.
My life is at stake.
What'll I do?
Just relax.
Take it easy...
and in time, you may grow
up to be a nice big sofa!
But, Officer...
Oh, Officer! Oh,
come on, now, Lucy.
Aw, nobody will believe
me. Come on, honey
don't you think a good,
hot bath and a nice rest
I keep telling you what's
happening will help you relax?
But nobody will believe
me! But, after all, Lucy...
To arms! To arms!
To arms! To arms!
What happened?
Lucy's right! Lucy's right!
We listened through
the furnace pipe.
See? FRED: Yeah!
Yeah, th-they are
planning to kill us
and blow up the capital!
Yeah, well, now,
maybe you'll believe me
when I tell you something.
I'm going to call
the police right away!
I just did. They don't
care a darn about it.
Well, they're not going
to get us without a fight.
I'm going to get my rifle!
Yeah, and I got two
shotguns downstairs
and I'll get them, too.
All right, bring both of them.
Lock the doors and shut
all the windows! Yeah.
Lock the doors and
shut all the windows.
10:00 in the living
room and all's well!
10:00 in the
bedroom and all's well!
10:00 in the
hallway and all's well!
10:00 in the
kitchen and all's well!
Kitchen sentry, report
to the living room.
Yes, sir.
Ethel, are you eating on duty?
No, sir.
What's that in your hand?
Um...
Well, I'm not very
good with a gun
and I thought if anybody
sneaked in through the back door
I'd beat them to death.
Well, I hope they get here
before you eat your club away.
Hup, two, three, four.
Hup, two, three, four.
Fred, what are you doing
away from your post?
I'm hungry and I request
transfer to the kitchen.
What do you want?
I'm lonesome in
there all by myself.
What's that? I hear something.
I do, too.
Be calm. Be calm.
Be steady. Take it easy.
Don't get excited.
Now, don't shoot till you see
the whites of their eyes. Okay.
Take it easy. Okay. Okay.
Hello?
No, this isn't the city dump.
You got the wrong number.
Very clever ruse of theirs
to find out if
we're home or not.
Right. Hey, hey.
Go around. Come here.
What's the matter?
Someone's at the door.
Okay. Be careful. Be steady.
Be calm. Get ready.
Just don't be
trigger-happy now. Oh?
Don't shoot till it's
absolutely necessary. All right.
Okay. Okay. All right?
Good morning, folks.
Good morning.
Well, I finally got this
thing straightened out.
What? You did? You have?
Great. Yeah.
The O'Briens are actors.
What you heard was a
play they were rehearsing.
Eww!
You can go now.
Mr. Mertz.
Yeah?
The O'Briens told me to tell you
they're moving out
of your apartment.
Aw... fine.
This is all your fault, Lucy.
Yes, and you'll pay that
rent till we get another tenant.
And one of your
trigger-happy sentinels
shot a hole in
the hot-water pipe.
Your whole apartment is flooded.
And she'll pay for that, too!
Oh, come on, Fred,
we'd better hurry home.
Uh, you must be the
famous, uh, Ricky Ricardo.
Oh, you heard about me, eh?
In the paper... this morning.
Oh, in the paper.
Front page.
"Orchestra Leader...
Jailed in Shooting Spree."
Cuando la lleve a la casa
le voy a cortar la
cabeza en dos pedazos.
Come on, sweetheart. Come on.
Come on, sweetheart.
Let's go home.
Come on, lady, you can
go out in the world now.
Nobody's going to kill you.
Come on, sweetheart. Come on.
Come on, sweetheart.
Lock the door, Officer.
I like it better in here.
The part of Mrs. O'Brien
was played by K. T. Stevens.
The part of Mr. O'Brien
was played by Hayden Rorke.
The part of the policeman
was played by Allen Jenkins.
I Love Lucy is a
Desilu production.
What can they do
with so much junk?
Mm. Where'd they ever
get that sofa? Isn't that a...?
Are you still hanging
out that window?
Now, come on, honey...
I want my breakfast.
There's some coffee over there.
I'll make you some
soft-boiled chairs in a minute.
What? I mean, eggs.
Look at those
chairs, will you, Ethel?
Ugh.
Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay.
Hi, Rick.
Hello, Fred.
Ethel up here?
Oh, there she is.
The nosy twins.
They've been hanging
out that window
for an hour, snooping.
You'd think they'd never seen
anyone move into an apartment before.
Do you want some
coffee? No, thanks.
Ethel, look at
those china lamps.
He shouldn't try to
balance that lamp
on that table like that.
Oh, honey, now, those moving
men know what they're doing.
They never drop any...
Oh... Oh...
Well, I guess one
lamp's better than none.
Ethel, come out of that window.
Suppose the new
tenant should see you.
There's nobody down
there but the moving men.
They won't be satisfied
until they see every last bit
of those people's,
uh, paraphernalia.
Par...
Que no va a estar conforme
hasta que no ven
el ultimo trasto
de los nuevos vecinos.
Oh, paraphernalia.
You understand Spanish?
No.
Now, come out of
there, both of you.
Come on! You've
done enough snooping.
We're not snooping.
I'm surprised they're
not using binoculars.
Oh, I forgot I had them.
Say, that must be the
new tenant coming up now.
Isn't he handsome?
"Handsome"?
How can you call him handsome
with those bugged-out
eyes and long hairy legs?
Huh?
Hey, you got a fly on the lens.
Oh!
Ooh, say, he is handsome.
Let me see through those things.
Ethel!
Curiosity killed
the cat, eh, Fred?
Yeah, but we'll never
get a break like that.
Now, why can't they
wait until tomorrow
to see what those
people look like?
I don't know.
It doesn't make
any difference to me
what they look like.
Me, neither.
Hey, who was that?
Do you suppose
that could be his wife?
Look at that
gorgeous blond hair.
Ethel Mertz!
How do you dare
let a woman like that
that has a figure like that,
come into this building?
That's the biggest
mista... Just a minute.
Hey, fellas! Give me that,
will you? Nothing doing.
Fred, give me that thing!
Fellas, watch it, will you?
Gee, I'm sure glad
men aren't nosy.
Yeah.
Wow, wow.
All right, fellas,
break it up, will you?
We were here first.
Get your own window.
Ah... they gone inside.
That's all, girls.
Yeah, the show is over. Here.
Well, something tells me
I'm going to be
doing a lot of repairing
in that apartment.
Ah...
You need a helper?
Have you got a card?
I'll join.
Okay, Ethel, what's the
dirt on the new tenants?
Where are they from?
I don't know.
What business is he in?
I don't know.
Do they have any children?
I don't know.
What's the matter with
you? Your radar bent?
No, they rented the
apartment through an agent.
All I know is their
name is O'Brien
she's a blonde, and
they've got one broken lamp.
Well, what are we waiting for?
Let's go down and call
on them. Okay, let's go.
Now, now, wait a minute, Ethel.
Give them a
chance to get settled.
Yeah, I guess he's right.
No sense rushing things.
Okay, let's go.
Lucy, come on!
Well, I'm trying to, but there's
a very strong current here.
Ricky, let go. Come here, Lucy.
You're not going
to go downstairs.
Why not?
Because there's nothing
downstairs that concerns you.
You'll have to give me
a better reason than that.
You just go in the kitchen
and fix my breakfast.
Oh... we'll go
down later, Ethel.
His majesty is hungry.
Okay, there's plenty of time.
His majesty has
another proclamation.
I don't want you to
go down there at all.
"At all" as in "never"?
Right.
Now, repeat after me:
I, Lucy Ricardo,
promise never to set foot
in the O'Brien apartment.
Oh, really.
Come on.
I, Lucy Ricardo, promise
never to set foot...
Wait a minute, wait a
minute, wait a minute.
Uh-huh.
Now.
I, Lucy Ricardo,
promise never to set foot
in the O'Brien
apartment... okay?
Okay.
Okay.
Information.
Do you have a telephone number
for O'Brien, 623
East 68th Street?
They just moved in today.
One moment, please.
Fred, are you going to be long?
I want to use the phone.
No, no, I'll just be a minute.
I thought I'd call downstairs
and see if there's anything
they wanted me to do...
Are you calling the O'Briens?
They'll call you if they
want anything done.
You're never too
busy to do anything
when there's a blonde around.
Are you calling them?
How can you think
a thing like that?
Oh, hello, Mr. Thompson?
How's the plumbing
holding up down there?
Well, good.
No, no, no, not at all, thanks.
Help yourself.
The number for the O'Briens
is Murray Hill 5-9-5-7-0.
Stick 'em up.
Tom, you scared me to death.
Hiya, baby.
Hi. Put this on the
mantel for me, will you?
Forget about unpacking.
We've got a script to learn.
But, Tom, this place... Look, honey,
this television show goes on Friday night.
We don't even
know our lines yet.
Well, I know mine.
All right, smarty.
I'll help you with yours.
Good. Now, let's see.
I think I know that
first scene, baby.
Let's start with the second one.
All right.
Now, where are we?
Are you sure this
is the right place?
I am positive.
They live in this
building on an upper floor.
Good.
Let me go over the
plan with you once more.
We do away with them both...
Dispose of the bodies
and assume their identities.
We become them, yes?
Exactly.
It is dangerous
but it is our only chance
to stay in this country
so we can blow up the capital.
Shh!
You know, that's
pretty corny dialogue.
Yeah, even for television.
Well, it's a living.
Let's see, where were we?
You know, my little chicken,
this job will not be easy.
They're clever and
physically strong.
"Physically strong"...
"Physically strong"... Yeah, I
thought you knew your part, baby.
That's the first
one I've missed.
It's, "Especially..."
Especially the red-haired one.
Did you notice those
big bulging muscles
those-those popping eyes,
and-and that horrible,
ugly, leering face?
I will take care of
that one, silently,
with a knife in the back.
You will handle the other.
I will, on one condition...
That you take me out to lunch.
Huh?
It's 3:00 and I'm starved. Ah.
I haven't had anything
to eat since breakfast.
All right.
Come on, let's go down to the
drugstore and have a sandwich.
We can finish rehearsing
when we get back.
Okay, baby.
I will take care of
that one, silently,
with a knife in the back.
Hey...
Oh.
Wait.
Good, they have not seen us.
The coast is clear.
Darling, you're such a fool.
You know, baby, I think
we're going to like this place.
Mrs. O'Brien?
Mrs. O'Brien, it's
me, the landlady.
Is there anything I
can help you with?
Mrs. O'Brien?
Ew.
Hi, Ethel.
Lucy.
What about your promise?
Well, I promised Ricky
I wouldn't set foot
in this apartment,
but that doesn't mean I
can't stay out here in the hall
and give a long-distance snoop.
Aren't they home? No.
I had to wait all morning
and half the afternoon
for them to leave.
What'd you find?
Well...
Lucy, what period is this?
19th-century provincial?
Looks like 20th-century ugly.
What else is there?
These lamps.
Now that I see
these lamps up close
it's too bad they didn't
drop both of them.
Where are they?
Here.
Oh...
Gosh, this is the
most frustrating thing
that ever happened to me.
Wait, I'll bring
one over to you.
No, listen... Just
because I promised Ricky
that I wouldn't set
foot in this apartment
doesn't mean I
can't set knees in.
So long as I keep
my feet off the floor
I'm an honest woman, right?
He'd better see his dentist.
Oh, fine thing... She
removed all the price tags.
Hey, look at this.
What is that?
Early Pullman.
Lucy!
Ricky's home.
Lucy!
He's coming down
here. What'll I do?
Hide someplace.
I'll get rid of him.
But where?
In the closet.
Oh, hi, Ethel.
I have a perfect
right to be here.
Who said you didn't?
Well, uh...
I just came up to see
if everything was all right,
and everything's all right.
Well, let's go.
You seen Lucy?
Lucy who?
Lucy Ricardo, my wife.
Oh, that Lucy.
Yeah, that Lucy.
No, I haven't seen her.
Let's go.
Are you sure this
is the right place?
I am positive.
They live in this building
on an upper floor.
Good.
Let me go over the
plan with you once more.
We do away with them both...
Dispose of the bodies
and assume their identities.
We become them, yes?
Exactly.
It is dangerous,
but it is our only chance
to stay in this country
so we can blow up the capital.
Shh!
You know, my little chicken,
this job will not be easy.
They are clever
and physically strong.
Especially the red-haired one.
Did you notice...
did you notice those
big bulging muscles,
those-those popping eyes
and that horrible,
ugly, leering face?
I will take care of
that one, silently,
with a knife in the back.
You will handle the other.
Do not worry.
In a dark alley,
a loop of silver wire
around the neck...
One tug... poof!
Wait...
I do not know if
you actually realize
the importance of this mission.
What a great honor
it is for you and I
to have been
chosen to perform it.
It is a crowning glory.
It makes us the
most trusted agents
in our nation's service.
I am overwhelmed with pride.
Darling...
when this assignment is over
and we return to
our native homeland,
I will tell you something
that I have wanted to say
to you for a long, long time.
Tell me now.
No, there is no time
for personal emotion.
We have a job to do.
That is all that counts.
Tell me now.
No.
I think I can guess.
What do you think it is?
Tell me.
No, guess.
Kiss me.
Ah, you guessed.
Enough of this.
We are on a sacred mission.
We cannot be weak.
You are right
but I'll remember this
until we can be weak again.
Now, my little chicken,
are all our
preparations in order?
Now, my little chicken...
Now, my little chicken,
are all our preparations in...
Now, my little chicken, are
all our preparations in order?
You have the knife?
Yes.
The silver wire?
Yes.
The map?
Yes.
The explosives?
Yes.
The two-way
wrist television set?
Yes.
Good.
I cannot...
I cannot think as a patriot.
My blood is pounding in my ears.
As a woman, I beg of you...
be weak again.
The roar of my blood
is loud and deep.
What a tragedy my
life has been up to now.
I see for the first time
that to love is to live.
Hey, not bad, eh?
That's gin.
Aw, Ricky.
That's all.
Oh, no, let's play one
more hand, Ricky, huh?
All right.
Oh, there you are, Ethel.
Have you got the pass key?
I want to check the heat
in Miss Lewis's apartment.
Lucy, what are you doing?
They're after us. Help me.
Well, what happened?
What are you talking about?
Who's after who?
The O'Briens, Ethel.
You're nurturing two vipers
in your brownstone bosom.
What?
Lucy... have you been
snooping downstairs?
Yes, I've been snooping
and it's a good
thing I did, too.
Those people are
foreign enemy agents.
They're going to rub us out
and they're not going
to use an eraser either.
Lucy, you mean to tell me
that you went downstairs
after you promised me not to?
Yes, I've been a bad girl and
you can spank me tomorrow
if there's anything
left to spank!
Well, didn't you
hear what I said?
What's the matter with you?
Our lives are in danger!
Now, look, honey
why would those people
want to give us a rubdown?
Rub us out!
I heard them.
They're going to kill us
and assume our identities.
Why?
So they can blow up the capital.
"Blow up the capital."
Yes! Now, look, honey...
Now, wait a minute.
Maybe we'd better
pay attention to Lucy.
After all, she was
in their apartment.
Yeah, and I'm going
to call the police.
I got to get them over here.
We got to save the country.
Now, now, look, honey,
calm down, will you?
Let's talk this thing over.
Now, wait a minute. A lot
of talking you're going to do
with a silver wire
wrapped around your neck.
Silver wire?
Yeah!
Aw, honey, you'd
better lie down.
Come on, now. I
don't want to lie down!
If I go, I want to be...
go standing up fighting.
I think it's time to turn on
the furnace. Good luck, Rick.
And you go with him, Ricky.
I'll try to settle
her down. All right.
Ricky, you're not going to
leave me at a time like this!
When you come
back, I might be gone!
Well, if you go, leave me a note
and tell me where I
can find my clean socks.
Ricky!
Why won't anybody believe me?
Oh... I'm telling you I heard.
Oh, come on, now,
honey. I heard it! I heard it!
Calm down. I know what I heard!
Now, Lucy, are you
sure you heard right?
Cross my heart
and hope to... Oh!
Oh, dear.
Well, I'm not going to
sit here like a sitting duck.
I'm going to call the police.
Operator, give me the police.
32nd Precinct. Sergeant
Morton speaking.
Help!
Name, please.
Mrs. Ricky Ricardo.
Send a squad of
men over right away.
Send two squads,
the whole force.
Address?
623 East 68th Street, and hurry.
Now, Mrs. Ricardo, what
seems to be your trouble?
Well... some people
that moved in downstairs
are plotting to kill us.
Do you know these people?
No.
Then, how do you know
they're going to kill you?
I heard them.
I-I just happened to be hiding
in their closet at the time.
I see.
And why do you suppose
they want to kill you?
So they can
assume our identities
and blow up the capital.
This is serious.
You're darn right it is!
These people are agents
of some foreign government.
What's their names?
O'Brien.
Lady, have you been
nipping on the cooking sherry?
Oh, please, you've
got to believe me.
I'm, I'm living on
borrowed time.
It was only by a
very clever ruse
that I managed to escape
from their apartment
right under their eyes.
And how did you manage that?
I pretended to be a chair.
I don't think the police
can help you, madam.
Why don't you
call an upholsterer?
Oh, Officer,
please, I'm serious.
My life is at stake.
What'll I do?
Just relax.
Take it easy...
and in time, you may grow
up to be a nice big sofa!
But, Officer...
Oh, Officer! Oh,
come on, now, Lucy.
Aw, nobody will believe
me. Come on, honey
don't you think a good,
hot bath and a nice rest
I keep telling you what's
happening will help you relax?
But nobody will believe
me! But, after all, Lucy...
To arms! To arms!
To arms! To arms!
What happened?
Lucy's right! Lucy's right!
We listened through
the furnace pipe.
See? FRED: Yeah!
Yeah, th-they are
planning to kill us
and blow up the capital!
Yeah, well, now,
maybe you'll believe me
when I tell you something.
I'm going to call
the police right away!
I just did. They don't
care a darn about it.
Well, they're not going
to get us without a fight.
I'm going to get my rifle!
Yeah, and I got two
shotguns downstairs
and I'll get them, too.
All right, bring both of them.
Lock the doors and shut
all the windows! Yeah.
Lock the doors and
shut all the windows.
10:00 in the living
room and all's well!
10:00 in the
bedroom and all's well!
10:00 in the
hallway and all's well!
10:00 in the
kitchen and all's well!
Kitchen sentry, report
to the living room.
Yes, sir.
Ethel, are you eating on duty?
No, sir.
What's that in your hand?
Um...
Well, I'm not very
good with a gun
and I thought if anybody
sneaked in through the back door
I'd beat them to death.
Well, I hope they get here
before you eat your club away.
Hup, two, three, four.
Hup, two, three, four.
Fred, what are you doing
away from your post?
I'm hungry and I request
transfer to the kitchen.
What do you want?
I'm lonesome in
there all by myself.
What's that? I hear something.
I do, too.
Be calm. Be calm.
Be steady. Take it easy.
Don't get excited.
Now, don't shoot till you see
the whites of their eyes. Okay.
Take it easy. Okay. Okay.
Hello?
No, this isn't the city dump.
You got the wrong number.
Very clever ruse of theirs
to find out if
we're home or not.
Right. Hey, hey.
Go around. Come here.
What's the matter?
Someone's at the door.
Okay. Be careful. Be steady.
Be calm. Get ready.
Just don't be
trigger-happy now. Oh?
Don't shoot till it's
absolutely necessary. All right.
Okay. Okay. All right?
Good morning, folks.
Good morning.
Well, I finally got this
thing straightened out.
What? You did? You have?
Great. Yeah.
The O'Briens are actors.
What you heard was a
play they were rehearsing.
Eww!
You can go now.
Mr. Mertz.
Yeah?
The O'Briens told me to tell you
they're moving out
of your apartment.
Aw... fine.
This is all your fault, Lucy.
Yes, and you'll pay that
rent till we get another tenant.
And one of your
trigger-happy sentinels
shot a hole in
the hot-water pipe.
Your whole apartment is flooded.
And she'll pay for that, too!
Oh, come on, Fred,
we'd better hurry home.
Uh, you must be the
famous, uh, Ricky Ricardo.
Oh, you heard about me, eh?
In the paper... this morning.
Oh, in the paper.
Front page.
"Orchestra Leader...
Jailed in Shooting Spree."
Cuando la lleve a la casa
le voy a cortar la
cabeza en dos pedazos.
Come on, sweetheart. Come on.
Come on, sweetheart.
Let's go home.
Come on, lady, you can
go out in the world now.
Nobody's going to kill you.
Come on, sweetheart. Come on.
Come on, sweetheart.
Lock the door, Officer.
I like it better in here.
The part of Mrs. O'Brien
was played by K. T. Stevens.
The part of Mr. O'Brien
was played by Hayden Rorke.
The part of the policeman
was played by Allen Jenkins.
I Love Lucy is a
Desilu production.