I Dream of Jeannie (1965–1970): Season 5, Episode 8 - See You in C-U-B-A - full transcript
After blinking Tony away from a mission, she returns him to his plane which she lands in Cuba instead of Puerto Rico.
[♪]
Well, there it is, Major Nelson.
Our first fully automated
flight plan.
And the newly modified T-38
ready for takeoff.
Congratulations, major.
Oh, thank you, sir.
Uh...
You don't seem
very happy, major.
It's an honor to be selected
to check out this new equipment.
Oh. Yeah,
I know that, sir.
But there's not much
for me to do.
I mean, look at the flight plan.
Uh, the T-38
takes off by itself,
finds a course of 067
at 50,000 feet by itself,
lands in Puerto Rico by itself,
and then repeats the whole
process in reverse.
I feel more like
a babysitter than a pilot.
[ALL CHUCKLE]
I know it's a long way
from flying
a P-40
by the seat of your pants.
Hm-hm.
But even though the controls
are completely computerized,
you have to be there
in case of, uh, malfunction.
Yes, the chances of which
are statistically negligible.
But I'm with you, major.
This is progress, I suppose. Mm.
Well, happy babysitting.
We'll see you at
your house this afternoon.
All right, sir.
See you later.
[♪]
Nelson to Mission Control.
Ready when you are.
This is Nelson to
Mission Control...
Jeannie, what are you doing?
Please, do not worry, master.
I did not blink here.
Hm. I walked.
I... Yeah.
[STAMMERS]
I know that...
That's all right for you,
but what about for me?
You, I blinked.
[LAUGHS UNCOMFORTABLY]
Yes, I know that.
Jeannie, I'm supposed to be
out in that airplane
that's getting ready
to take off.
Jeannie, it's leaving
without me.
Correction, master.
Huh?
It has left without you.
[♪]
[♪]
[♪]
[♪]
Jeannie, put me
back there right now.
Master, how can
that plane be flying
without someone inside it?
Heh. It's fully automatic.
Now, come on. Right now!
What's the matter with...?
Huh. It's
a fine thing.
If things keep up like this,
it soon will be no fun
to be a genie anymore.
Now, master. This will
only take a few minutes.
[CLAPS HANDS] Uh...
W-wait a minute, Jeannie.
I'm not supposed to be here.
I'm supposed to be
up there on that airplane.
About your tennis lesson,
Mrs. Bellows, uh,
I'm not gonna
be able to make it.
[LAUGHS]
Uh, oh, I... I know that's
not funny, Mrs. Bellows.
Uh... Oh, I'm...
Oh, I have to monitor
Tony's Puerto Rican flight.
Yeah. Ye... Yes,
Mrs. Bellows.
Yeah, well, some other time.
Bye.
Now, where were we
with the ears, huh?
Uh-uh-uh. You promised to
teach me to play tennis.
Oh, well, tennis,
that's a very simple game.
Just put the racket
in that hand.
Now, here we have
a nice forehand,
and here we have
a nice backhand.
Then we have a nice
both hands, like that.
On the court, tiger.
Yeah.
I'll change and meet you.
Yeah, change and meet me.
Well, uh, don't...
Don't change too much.
[♪]
[EXHALES]
Well, that's 1-love
for her, but...
a set is
six games. Mm.
Oh. Now, master,
if your airplane
is fully automatic,
surely you can spare
a few minutes to help me
with a few decisions
about our party this afternoon.
Now, I thought
we would serve out here
on the patio,
buffet-style.
Uh. Uh, master...
Master?
Yeah.
You are not listening.
I'm not listening.
For the last 10 minutes,
I've been ordering you to
blink me to that airplane,
and you've been
going on about a party
and canapés and a buffet.
Ah... Look. Uh, here.
The... The plane is programmed
to follow this, uh,
flight plan exactly.
I gotta be up there
in case of a malfunction.
Don't you understand?
Oh.
Why did you not say so?
Oh, my goodness.
[LAUGHS]
There.
Now your airplane
will not malfunction.
Hm.
Oh, well, thank you.
I'm sure the NASA computer
will be very grateful
to you, Jeannie.
[GIGGLES]
[LAUGHS]
Now...
Good, I'm finally
getting through to her.
Do you think we should
serve fresh shrimp or...
Wait a minute.
Or mixed hors d'oeuvres.
Now, of course, smoked
oysters would be nice.
Yeah. Jeannie. Don't you...?
Don't you understand?
I've gotta be up
on that airplane when it lands.
Oh, hi, Jeannie.
Tony, do you have
an extra tennis racket?
Oh, how was Puerto Rico?
I haven't even been there yet.
What did they do,
abort the flight?
No. They didn't
abort. She did!
Don't you understand,
I've got to be up...
Shh. I hear
the phone.
What?
[RINGS]
Hello.
Oh, hello,
Mrs. Bellows.
Oh, well, dear,
I-I... I wish
I could, but you see,
I'm making arrangements
for our party and...
Oh.
Oh, just a moment.
Master, do you think
I have time to go shopping
with Mrs. Bellows?
I'm not even
supposed to be here!
If that's Mrs. Bellows,
neither am I. Uh...
Heh. Well,
Mrs. Bellows.
Well, I-I would love to,
but only for one hour.
Fine.
Thank you.
Bye-bye. Hm.
Huh. We are going
to Quilty's
and the beauty parlor.
Yeah, and I'm going
to play tennis.
And I'm going
straight to the stockade
unless you blink me
up to that plane.
First, you have not told me
whether you approve
of fresh shrimp...
I approve!
I approve! Now!
You needn't shout.
[EXASPERATED LAUGH] I'm not shouting.
I'm just...
I'm just trying to sit here
and get you to blink me
up to that airplane.
That's all.
[HUFFS] My.
I do not know why my master
gets so impatient with me.
[♪]
Well, Jeannie,
I'm simply trying to...
This doesn't look like
Ramey Air Force Base.
MAN:
Buenos días, señor.
Welcome to La Havana.
[LAUGHS]
[♪]
[EXHALES]
Take too long?
Mm-mm.
Roge. I think
we've had
enough tennis for today.
But if you want,
we can do something...
more relaxing.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, those are
the 18 little words
I've been waiting to hear.
BELLOWS:
Oh, Major Healey.
Oh. Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Yes, sir?
Uh... Uh, major?
I thought you'd want to know.
Major Nelson's plane is missing.
Oh, I think you've got
that wrong, sir.
Major Nelson is missing.
But that's what I said.
The T-38 veered
off course
halfway to Puerto Rico.
The general's ordered
search planes into the area.
Oh, no.
Yes, we'll all be keeping watch
in the radar shack.
Uh, excuse me.
Yes, sir.
I'm ready, Roge.
Yeah, well, uh, Tina,
you're... You're a very
beautiful girl.
Mm-hm.
And you're gorgeous and...
Uh, your...
Your backhand needs work.
Uh, you'll never
get to Forest Hills
unless you practice.
Practice, practice.
Forest Hills?
But my apartment's
in Daytona Beach.
[♪]
It's totally washable.
[SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]
Quilty's. I know
she said Quilty's.
Eh, tennis equipment, sir?
Right over there.
Oh, no, I was looking
for a little blond girl
about so high.
Oh. Ooh, yeah.
She's in the dressing room.
Oh, thank you, sir.
[♪]
Jeannie.
I think I found
something I like.
Oh. Cute.
Do you like it?
Did you find anything?
Oh, uh, no.
I, uh... I am
not ready yet.
Oh. Okay.
I think we have one racket left
in that size.
Look, it's on the mannequin.
Really does need the red scarf.
Hm.
Oh!
Oh. That's
a dangerous way
to display foils.
Hm.
[♪]
Listen. Listen.
I want you to go
and tell Fidel this.
Firstly, that I am
José Santiago
Gregorio Crispin Martin Smith.
No, no-no-no-no.
Smith.
S-M-I-T-H.
That I have captured
an American major
with his airplane.
He came voluntarily.
No, no, no.
I do not drink.
But I'm telling you,
he came by himself.
Hello? Hello?
[GROANS]
I...
They do not believe me.
They say nobody ever
comes to Cuba voluntarily.
[CHUCKLES]
Uh, say, why don't we try again.
Ahorita mismo.
You know, I really think
that I'm gonna take this coat,
because it looks like
it'll be easy to keep clean.
Oh yes, I agree...
You think so? Yeah.
Mm-hm.
Jeannie, I've
got to talk to you.
[SCREAMS]
Oh-ho. Major Healey.
[CHUCKLES] Oh, my goodness.
Do you think my master
will like this one? Hm?
Jeannie, I've gotta talk to you.
Tony's lost.
Oh, no.
I blinked him back
to his airplane.
Oh, dear, but I do wish
he could see this.
No, I mean... I mean, Tony
and the airplane are lost.
They got search planes out.
You gotta blink him back.
Are you sure?
Sure I'm sure.
Dr. Bellows told me.
Oh. Good!
That means I can kill
two peacocks with one ruby.
I, José, have captured him.
He's right beside me.
Really. Why do
the clumsiest people
end up in a sporting
goods store?
Excuse me.
You see.
My master's not lost.
AMANDA: Jeannie? Hm?
Jeannie, what was that
awful noise?
[GRUNTS]
Major Nelson?
[♪]
Gonzales!
[SPEAKING SPANISH]
He... He must be here!
Find him.
My whole career depends on it.
Major.
Oh, major.
Amigo?
It is no use for you
trying to escape.
Jeannie, what is
your fiancé doing here?
He is supposed to be
on a mission.
Well, Mrs. Bellows,
it is a little difficult
to explain.
Hm.
You see, he... He...!
He is not here.
Now, Jeannie, I just
saw him right over there.
Oh, well, how could he be?
He is on a mission.
Heh.
But I know what I saw.
I adore this coat.
Let me help you with it.
Oh, I guess it is impossible.
He is on a mission.
Yes. He's on a mission.
[EXHALES]
Tony. Tony.
Tony?
[EXHALES]
[EXHALES]
Roger!
[GASPS]
Get Jeannie over here.
She's with
Mrs. Bellows.
I don't care if she's
with J. Edgar Hoover.
Get her over here.
Right, right, right.
Oh, wrong. Wrong.
It's kind of cute.
Think?
Oh, it is adorable.
Try this one.
Hm? Oh. Yeah.
Kind of funny though,
with all the colors. Oh...
Hello, master darling. [GASPS]
Do not worry.
I did not tell
Mrs. Bellows
that you were here.
Oh. Thanks a million.
Know what you've done?
You sent me and a very valuable
military airplane to Havana.
Oh yes, master.
Havana, Puerto Rico.
[GASPS] Havana is in Cuba.
Oh.
Well, she only missed
by a couple hundred miles.
Which one do you like, Jean?
Jeannie?
[MURMURING]
All right, master.
Tell me what you wish me to do.
Amanda.
We're not here.
Master, wait. You did not
tell me what to do? I...
Jeannie?
Who are you talking to?
Oh, n-n... No one,
Mrs. Bellows.
I was just, uh...
[STAMMERS]
I was just thinking of
buying a diving suit.
Jeannie, that dummy
had a head on it.
And the head looked exactly...
That was Major Nelson
in there, wasn't it?
Oh, no, no, no, no.
No, Mrs. Bellows.
He is on
a mission. Ha.
Mrs. Bellows, why
do you not try some...
Now, I could've sworn
now and before...
A riding outfit with a faceplate
and a snorkel?
Aha!
[INDISTINCT SPEAKING]
Will you...?
Oh.
Madam, this is
a sporting goods store,
not a gymnasium.
Oh, shut up.
There he goes!
Ha-ha!
Now I've got you.
[SHRIEKS]
Oh!
[SCREAMS]
Madam!
Mm... Mm... What?
Will you kindly
make your purchases and leave?
Don't you understand?
I'm not doing this.
Who is?
Pancho Gonzales?
Oh.
Master. Quickly,
what do you wish me to do? Shh.
Jeannie, blink us out of here.
Wait a minute, Roger.
She'll blink us back to Cuba.
Yes, master.
Back to Cuba.
No. No, I...
[SIGHS]
There. He did it.
[WHINES]
Madam, that is a dummy.
Oh... no.
You're the dummy!
Oh.
Where are we?
Havana.
Havana, Puerto Rico?
Ha. Havana, Cuba.
Oh, I thought Jeannie
made another mistake.
JOSE:
You fools. You let him go.
And I could have been a hero
of our fabulosas republic.
We gotta hide. Yeah, hide. Hide.
Get out. Get out. Get out.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Roger, there are two of us.
[MUMBLING]
Oh, I am a hero.
Compañero, you have come back.
I knew you wouldn't desert me.
Come. Fidel will
welcome you with open arms.
[SPEAKING SPANISH]
Uh... Uh...
[SPEAKS SPANISH]
Don't worry, Tony.
I got you into this.
Jeannie will get you out of it.
Now, if I could just
get myself out of it.
[♪]
[BEEPING]
Negative, sir.
Mm.
No luck so far, sir.
And we've checked out
every seagull.
What the...?
Alfred?
Hello, Amanda, Jeannie.
Uh... Uh, girls,
I, um...
I suppose you've heard, uh...
Major Nelson is lost
somewhere in the Caribbean.
Major Nelson is lost somewhere
in Quilty's department store.
Amanda.
Jokes at a time like this?
Alfred, I'm not joking.
I saw him, dear.
He was wearing a faceplate,
with a snorkel in his mouth.
Uh, uh...
E-excuse me.
Uh, Jeannie, uh,
odd how some people
react under stress.
I'm glad to see you
bearing up though, dear.
Mm-hm. Oh, and by
the way, Jeannie,
in view of the circumstances,
you will naturally be canceling
your party this afternoon.
Oh, no, general.
My Anthony will be at the party.
I am sure of it.
I'm sure of it too.
I mean, how far is it
from Quilty's to his house?
[QUIETLY] Amanda, please.
We all hope and pray
that you're right, Jeannie.
Oh, you're a brave girl.
A brave girl.
[♪]
Well, cousin...
just like I promise.
An American major
with his captured airplane.
Another airplane?
[GASPS]
May my aunt grow a mustache
for having married your father.
Á¡Estúpido!
Sit down, please.
Anthony Nelson, Major,
Air Force, 10610908.
[SCOFFS, CHUCKLES]
What, uh...?
What was all that?
Name, rank and serial number.
By the articles
of the Geneva Convention,
that's all a prisoner's
required to give.
You are not a prisoner.
You are a pain in the neck.
Major...
we are a small country.
A very...
poor country.
We cannot afford
all these people
bringing their planes
to our airport.
Do you know what it costs
in doughnuts alone?
[MOUTHS]
What? In doughnuts?
Cousin.
This is not an airliner.
It's a military plane.
And it's already on the ground.
Á¡Silencio!
[COUGHS]
Major.
You don't want to
work in the cane fields...
for 12 hours a day.
You don't want to stand
under the hot sun
and listen to Fidel
give five-hour
speeches.
But, cousin.
That is treason.
So it's treason! Oh.
Maybe Fidel will deport me.
Well, if you feel that way,
why don't you let me go?
Exactly what
I was about to suggest.
Go home, major.
Take your airplane
and go home, Yankee.
Go home!
[IN HISPANIC ACCENT]:
Where is he?
Where is he taking
imperialist spy?
At last, I'm going
to be rewarded.
Are you from Fidel?
Of course I am from Fidel.
He talks funny.
[SCOFFS] Roger...
This man. This man, he must
go to prison immediately
so Fidel can interrogate
him himself.
Cut it out. They're gonna...
Don't worry about it.
I'm not gonna let them take you.
Quiet, capitalist puerco!
That's Spanish
for "pig."
I am sorry, major.
I thought you were just
another one of those
gringos locos.
Heh.
Ah. I must take this man
to prison immediately.
To prison, to prison.
Just a minute.
Wait a minute.
He is my prisoner!
I take him to prison.
Come along.
You talk funny.
[♪]
[♪]
[PEOPLE CHATTERING]
Here.
Hello. Heh.
I am sorry this
took so long to prepare.
Have a shrimp.
No. Thank you.
Uh... Uh, no, thank you.
Uh...
No.
Thank you.
Oh.
Would you prefer
a smoked oyster?
Uh...
Uh, Jeannie...
I don't know how to say this,
but we've just received word.
Major Nelson...
didn't make it.
Oh. I know.
It is a shame that
he is a little late.
But now that everything
is ready,
I am sure he will be here.
J-Jeannie, you...
You don't understand.
He hasn't been
found. He's...
He's still somewhere
in the Caribbean.
Oh, yes. He has been found.
Excuse me, please.
Poor thing.
I guess she just
can't accept it.
Come to think of it,
neither can I.
[♪]
Hurry up, Tony.
I bribed the guard
to look the other way.
And I only had enough
money for one look.
Roger, get in here.
Wait a minute.
Wait, wait.
Supposed to be helping you out.
Shh!
Hey, not a bad cell.
Sink, stove, refrigerator.
Nice place.
But you really must.
You... You...
You have to.
Uh... Uh, Jeannie.
Mm-hm?
You must accept the truth.
Uh, Major Nelson is gone.
TONY:
Hello, everybody.
Hi!
SCHAEFFER: Major Nelson.
Where did you come from?
Hello, darling.
Major Nelson.
I knew it.
I knew it!
I-I'm sorry to give you all
such a scare,
but I got mixed up in one of
those tropical storms
and blown way off-course.
Well, never mind that.
Just so long as you're back
safe and sound.
How did the T-38 handle
in the squall, major?
Uh, wonderful. Uh, really
sweet plane, sir. The...
The T-38.
Yeah, excuse me.
Uh, darling, I'm awfully sorry.
I hope I didn't worry you.
Mm.
Where's the airplane?
Not at all, darling.
Where's the airplane?
Oh, do not worry.
I blinked it here.
Yeah? Good, good.
Mm-hm.
In the house?
Oh, of course not, darling.
An airplane does not
belong in the house.
[LAUGHS] Good thinking.
I was worried.
Ah, you all go ahead and...
And start the party.
I'll... I'll get
changed. Be right back.
Okay?
[♪]
[♪]
Well, there it is, Major Nelson.
Our first fully automated
flight plan.
And the newly modified T-38
ready for takeoff.
Congratulations, major.
Oh, thank you, sir.
Uh...
You don't seem
very happy, major.
It's an honor to be selected
to check out this new equipment.
Oh. Yeah,
I know that, sir.
But there's not much
for me to do.
I mean, look at the flight plan.
Uh, the T-38
takes off by itself,
finds a course of 067
at 50,000 feet by itself,
lands in Puerto Rico by itself,
and then repeats the whole
process in reverse.
I feel more like
a babysitter than a pilot.
[ALL CHUCKLE]
I know it's a long way
from flying
a P-40
by the seat of your pants.
Hm-hm.
But even though the controls
are completely computerized,
you have to be there
in case of, uh, malfunction.
Yes, the chances of which
are statistically negligible.
But I'm with you, major.
This is progress, I suppose. Mm.
Well, happy babysitting.
We'll see you at
your house this afternoon.
All right, sir.
See you later.
[♪]
Nelson to Mission Control.
Ready when you are.
This is Nelson to
Mission Control...
Jeannie, what are you doing?
Please, do not worry, master.
I did not blink here.
Hm. I walked.
I... Yeah.
[STAMMERS]
I know that...
That's all right for you,
but what about for me?
You, I blinked.
[LAUGHS UNCOMFORTABLY]
Yes, I know that.
Jeannie, I'm supposed to be
out in that airplane
that's getting ready
to take off.
Jeannie, it's leaving
without me.
Correction, master.
Huh?
It has left without you.
[♪]
[♪]
[♪]
[♪]
Jeannie, put me
back there right now.
Master, how can
that plane be flying
without someone inside it?
Heh. It's fully automatic.
Now, come on. Right now!
What's the matter with...?
Huh. It's
a fine thing.
If things keep up like this,
it soon will be no fun
to be a genie anymore.
Now, master. This will
only take a few minutes.
[CLAPS HANDS] Uh...
W-wait a minute, Jeannie.
I'm not supposed to be here.
I'm supposed to be
up there on that airplane.
About your tennis lesson,
Mrs. Bellows, uh,
I'm not gonna
be able to make it.
[LAUGHS]
Uh, oh, I... I know that's
not funny, Mrs. Bellows.
Uh... Oh, I'm...
Oh, I have to monitor
Tony's Puerto Rican flight.
Yeah. Ye... Yes,
Mrs. Bellows.
Yeah, well, some other time.
Bye.
Now, where were we
with the ears, huh?
Uh-uh-uh. You promised to
teach me to play tennis.
Oh, well, tennis,
that's a very simple game.
Just put the racket
in that hand.
Now, here we have
a nice forehand,
and here we have
a nice backhand.
Then we have a nice
both hands, like that.
On the court, tiger.
Yeah.
I'll change and meet you.
Yeah, change and meet me.
Well, uh, don't...
Don't change too much.
[♪]
[EXHALES]
Well, that's 1-love
for her, but...
a set is
six games. Mm.
Oh. Now, master,
if your airplane
is fully automatic,
surely you can spare
a few minutes to help me
with a few decisions
about our party this afternoon.
Now, I thought
we would serve out here
on the patio,
buffet-style.
Uh. Uh, master...
Master?
Yeah.
You are not listening.
I'm not listening.
For the last 10 minutes,
I've been ordering you to
blink me to that airplane,
and you've been
going on about a party
and canapés and a buffet.
Ah... Look. Uh, here.
The... The plane is programmed
to follow this, uh,
flight plan exactly.
I gotta be up there
in case of a malfunction.
Don't you understand?
Oh.
Why did you not say so?
Oh, my goodness.
[LAUGHS]
There.
Now your airplane
will not malfunction.
Hm.
Oh, well, thank you.
I'm sure the NASA computer
will be very grateful
to you, Jeannie.
[GIGGLES]
[LAUGHS]
Now...
Good, I'm finally
getting through to her.
Do you think we should
serve fresh shrimp or...
Wait a minute.
Or mixed hors d'oeuvres.
Now, of course, smoked
oysters would be nice.
Yeah. Jeannie. Don't you...?
Don't you understand?
I've gotta be up
on that airplane when it lands.
Oh, hi, Jeannie.
Tony, do you have
an extra tennis racket?
Oh, how was Puerto Rico?
I haven't even been there yet.
What did they do,
abort the flight?
No. They didn't
abort. She did!
Don't you understand,
I've got to be up...
Shh. I hear
the phone.
What?
[RINGS]
Hello.
Oh, hello,
Mrs. Bellows.
Oh, well, dear,
I-I... I wish
I could, but you see,
I'm making arrangements
for our party and...
Oh.
Oh, just a moment.
Master, do you think
I have time to go shopping
with Mrs. Bellows?
I'm not even
supposed to be here!
If that's Mrs. Bellows,
neither am I. Uh...
Heh. Well,
Mrs. Bellows.
Well, I-I would love to,
but only for one hour.
Fine.
Thank you.
Bye-bye. Hm.
Huh. We are going
to Quilty's
and the beauty parlor.
Yeah, and I'm going
to play tennis.
And I'm going
straight to the stockade
unless you blink me
up to that plane.
First, you have not told me
whether you approve
of fresh shrimp...
I approve!
I approve! Now!
You needn't shout.
[EXASPERATED LAUGH] I'm not shouting.
I'm just...
I'm just trying to sit here
and get you to blink me
up to that airplane.
That's all.
[HUFFS] My.
I do not know why my master
gets so impatient with me.
[♪]
Well, Jeannie,
I'm simply trying to...
This doesn't look like
Ramey Air Force Base.
MAN:
Buenos días, señor.
Welcome to La Havana.
[LAUGHS]
[♪]
[EXHALES]
Take too long?
Mm-mm.
Roge. I think
we've had
enough tennis for today.
But if you want,
we can do something...
more relaxing.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, those are
the 18 little words
I've been waiting to hear.
BELLOWS:
Oh, Major Healey.
Oh. Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Yes, sir?
Uh... Uh, major?
I thought you'd want to know.
Major Nelson's plane is missing.
Oh, I think you've got
that wrong, sir.
Major Nelson is missing.
But that's what I said.
The T-38 veered
off course
halfway to Puerto Rico.
The general's ordered
search planes into the area.
Oh, no.
Yes, we'll all be keeping watch
in the radar shack.
Uh, excuse me.
Yes, sir.
I'm ready, Roge.
Yeah, well, uh, Tina,
you're... You're a very
beautiful girl.
Mm-hm.
And you're gorgeous and...
Uh, your...
Your backhand needs work.
Uh, you'll never
get to Forest Hills
unless you practice.
Practice, practice.
Forest Hills?
But my apartment's
in Daytona Beach.
[♪]
It's totally washable.
[SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]
Quilty's. I know
she said Quilty's.
Eh, tennis equipment, sir?
Right over there.
Oh, no, I was looking
for a little blond girl
about so high.
Oh. Ooh, yeah.
She's in the dressing room.
Oh, thank you, sir.
[♪]
Jeannie.
I think I found
something I like.
Oh. Cute.
Do you like it?
Did you find anything?
Oh, uh, no.
I, uh... I am
not ready yet.
Oh. Okay.
I think we have one racket left
in that size.
Look, it's on the mannequin.
Really does need the red scarf.
Hm.
Oh!
Oh. That's
a dangerous way
to display foils.
Hm.
[♪]
Listen. Listen.
I want you to go
and tell Fidel this.
Firstly, that I am
José Santiago
Gregorio Crispin Martin Smith.
No, no-no-no-no.
Smith.
S-M-I-T-H.
That I have captured
an American major
with his airplane.
He came voluntarily.
No, no, no.
I do not drink.
But I'm telling you,
he came by himself.
Hello? Hello?
[GROANS]
I...
They do not believe me.
They say nobody ever
comes to Cuba voluntarily.
[CHUCKLES]
Uh, say, why don't we try again.
Ahorita mismo.
You know, I really think
that I'm gonna take this coat,
because it looks like
it'll be easy to keep clean.
Oh yes, I agree...
You think so? Yeah.
Mm-hm.
Jeannie, I've
got to talk to you.
[SCREAMS]
Oh-ho. Major Healey.
[CHUCKLES] Oh, my goodness.
Do you think my master
will like this one? Hm?
Jeannie, I've gotta talk to you.
Tony's lost.
Oh, no.
I blinked him back
to his airplane.
Oh, dear, but I do wish
he could see this.
No, I mean... I mean, Tony
and the airplane are lost.
They got search planes out.
You gotta blink him back.
Are you sure?
Sure I'm sure.
Dr. Bellows told me.
Oh. Good!
That means I can kill
two peacocks with one ruby.
I, José, have captured him.
He's right beside me.
Really. Why do
the clumsiest people
end up in a sporting
goods store?
Excuse me.
You see.
My master's not lost.
AMANDA: Jeannie? Hm?
Jeannie, what was that
awful noise?
[GRUNTS]
Major Nelson?
[♪]
Gonzales!
[SPEAKING SPANISH]
He... He must be here!
Find him.
My whole career depends on it.
Major.
Oh, major.
Amigo?
It is no use for you
trying to escape.
Jeannie, what is
your fiancé doing here?
He is supposed to be
on a mission.
Well, Mrs. Bellows,
it is a little difficult
to explain.
Hm.
You see, he... He...!
He is not here.
Now, Jeannie, I just
saw him right over there.
Oh, well, how could he be?
He is on a mission.
Heh.
But I know what I saw.
I adore this coat.
Let me help you with it.
Oh, I guess it is impossible.
He is on a mission.
Yes. He's on a mission.
[EXHALES]
Tony. Tony.
Tony?
[EXHALES]
[EXHALES]
Roger!
[GASPS]
Get Jeannie over here.
She's with
Mrs. Bellows.
I don't care if she's
with J. Edgar Hoover.
Get her over here.
Right, right, right.
Oh, wrong. Wrong.
It's kind of cute.
Think?
Oh, it is adorable.
Try this one.
Hm? Oh. Yeah.
Kind of funny though,
with all the colors. Oh...
Hello, master darling. [GASPS]
Do not worry.
I did not tell
Mrs. Bellows
that you were here.
Oh. Thanks a million.
Know what you've done?
You sent me and a very valuable
military airplane to Havana.
Oh yes, master.
Havana, Puerto Rico.
[GASPS] Havana is in Cuba.
Oh.
Well, she only missed
by a couple hundred miles.
Which one do you like, Jean?
Jeannie?
[MURMURING]
All right, master.
Tell me what you wish me to do.
Amanda.
We're not here.
Master, wait. You did not
tell me what to do? I...
Jeannie?
Who are you talking to?
Oh, n-n... No one,
Mrs. Bellows.
I was just, uh...
[STAMMERS]
I was just thinking of
buying a diving suit.
Jeannie, that dummy
had a head on it.
And the head looked exactly...
That was Major Nelson
in there, wasn't it?
Oh, no, no, no, no.
No, Mrs. Bellows.
He is on
a mission. Ha.
Mrs. Bellows, why
do you not try some...
Now, I could've sworn
now and before...
A riding outfit with a faceplate
and a snorkel?
Aha!
[INDISTINCT SPEAKING]
Will you...?
Oh.
Madam, this is
a sporting goods store,
not a gymnasium.
Oh, shut up.
There he goes!
Ha-ha!
Now I've got you.
[SHRIEKS]
Oh!
[SCREAMS]
Madam!
Mm... Mm... What?
Will you kindly
make your purchases and leave?
Don't you understand?
I'm not doing this.
Who is?
Pancho Gonzales?
Oh.
Master. Quickly,
what do you wish me to do? Shh.
Jeannie, blink us out of here.
Wait a minute, Roger.
She'll blink us back to Cuba.
Yes, master.
Back to Cuba.
No. No, I...
[SIGHS]
There. He did it.
[WHINES]
Madam, that is a dummy.
Oh... no.
You're the dummy!
Oh.
Where are we?
Havana.
Havana, Puerto Rico?
Ha. Havana, Cuba.
Oh, I thought Jeannie
made another mistake.
JOSE:
You fools. You let him go.
And I could have been a hero
of our fabulosas republic.
We gotta hide. Yeah, hide. Hide.
Get out. Get out. Get out.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Roger, there are two of us.
[MUMBLING]
Oh, I am a hero.
Compañero, you have come back.
I knew you wouldn't desert me.
Come. Fidel will
welcome you with open arms.
[SPEAKING SPANISH]
Uh... Uh...
[SPEAKS SPANISH]
Don't worry, Tony.
I got you into this.
Jeannie will get you out of it.
Now, if I could just
get myself out of it.
[♪]
[BEEPING]
Negative, sir.
Mm.
No luck so far, sir.
And we've checked out
every seagull.
What the...?
Alfred?
Hello, Amanda, Jeannie.
Uh... Uh, girls,
I, um...
I suppose you've heard, uh...
Major Nelson is lost
somewhere in the Caribbean.
Major Nelson is lost somewhere
in Quilty's department store.
Amanda.
Jokes at a time like this?
Alfred, I'm not joking.
I saw him, dear.
He was wearing a faceplate,
with a snorkel in his mouth.
Uh, uh...
E-excuse me.
Uh, Jeannie, uh,
odd how some people
react under stress.
I'm glad to see you
bearing up though, dear.
Mm-hm. Oh, and by
the way, Jeannie,
in view of the circumstances,
you will naturally be canceling
your party this afternoon.
Oh, no, general.
My Anthony will be at the party.
I am sure of it.
I'm sure of it too.
I mean, how far is it
from Quilty's to his house?
[QUIETLY] Amanda, please.
We all hope and pray
that you're right, Jeannie.
Oh, you're a brave girl.
A brave girl.
[♪]
Well, cousin...
just like I promise.
An American major
with his captured airplane.
Another airplane?
[GASPS]
May my aunt grow a mustache
for having married your father.
Á¡Estúpido!
Sit down, please.
Anthony Nelson, Major,
Air Force, 10610908.
[SCOFFS, CHUCKLES]
What, uh...?
What was all that?
Name, rank and serial number.
By the articles
of the Geneva Convention,
that's all a prisoner's
required to give.
You are not a prisoner.
You are a pain in the neck.
Major...
we are a small country.
A very...
poor country.
We cannot afford
all these people
bringing their planes
to our airport.
Do you know what it costs
in doughnuts alone?
[MOUTHS]
What? In doughnuts?
Cousin.
This is not an airliner.
It's a military plane.
And it's already on the ground.
Á¡Silencio!
[COUGHS]
Major.
You don't want to
work in the cane fields...
for 12 hours a day.
You don't want to stand
under the hot sun
and listen to Fidel
give five-hour
speeches.
But, cousin.
That is treason.
So it's treason! Oh.
Maybe Fidel will deport me.
Well, if you feel that way,
why don't you let me go?
Exactly what
I was about to suggest.
Go home, major.
Take your airplane
and go home, Yankee.
Go home!
[IN HISPANIC ACCENT]:
Where is he?
Where is he taking
imperialist spy?
At last, I'm going
to be rewarded.
Are you from Fidel?
Of course I am from Fidel.
He talks funny.
[SCOFFS] Roger...
This man. This man, he must
go to prison immediately
so Fidel can interrogate
him himself.
Cut it out. They're gonna...
Don't worry about it.
I'm not gonna let them take you.
Quiet, capitalist puerco!
That's Spanish
for "pig."
I am sorry, major.
I thought you were just
another one of those
gringos locos.
Heh.
Ah. I must take this man
to prison immediately.
To prison, to prison.
Just a minute.
Wait a minute.
He is my prisoner!
I take him to prison.
Come along.
You talk funny.
[♪]
[♪]
[PEOPLE CHATTERING]
Here.
Hello. Heh.
I am sorry this
took so long to prepare.
Have a shrimp.
No. Thank you.
Uh... Uh, no, thank you.
Uh...
No.
Thank you.
Oh.
Would you prefer
a smoked oyster?
Uh...
Uh, Jeannie...
I don't know how to say this,
but we've just received word.
Major Nelson...
didn't make it.
Oh. I know.
It is a shame that
he is a little late.
But now that everything
is ready,
I am sure he will be here.
J-Jeannie, you...
You don't understand.
He hasn't been
found. He's...
He's still somewhere
in the Caribbean.
Oh, yes. He has been found.
Excuse me, please.
Poor thing.
I guess she just
can't accept it.
Come to think of it,
neither can I.
[♪]
Hurry up, Tony.
I bribed the guard
to look the other way.
And I only had enough
money for one look.
Roger, get in here.
Wait a minute.
Wait, wait.
Supposed to be helping you out.
Shh!
Hey, not a bad cell.
Sink, stove, refrigerator.
Nice place.
But you really must.
You... You...
You have to.
Uh... Uh, Jeannie.
Mm-hm?
You must accept the truth.
Uh, Major Nelson is gone.
TONY:
Hello, everybody.
Hi!
SCHAEFFER: Major Nelson.
Where did you come from?
Hello, darling.
Major Nelson.
I knew it.
I knew it!
I-I'm sorry to give you all
such a scare,
but I got mixed up in one of
those tropical storms
and blown way off-course.
Well, never mind that.
Just so long as you're back
safe and sound.
How did the T-38 handle
in the squall, major?
Uh, wonderful. Uh, really
sweet plane, sir. The...
The T-38.
Yeah, excuse me.
Uh, darling, I'm awfully sorry.
I hope I didn't worry you.
Mm.
Where's the airplane?
Not at all, darling.
Where's the airplane?
Oh, do not worry.
I blinked it here.
Yeah? Good, good.
Mm-hm.
In the house?
Oh, of course not, darling.
An airplane does not
belong in the house.
[LAUGHS] Good thinking.
I was worried.
Ah, you all go ahead and...
And start the party.
I'll... I'll get
changed. Be right back.
Okay?
[♪]
[♪]