I Dream of Jeannie (1965–1970): Season 5, Episode 5 - Jeannie's Beauty Cream - full transcript
Jeannie goes out with Mrs. Bellows and when she marvels at how lovely Jeannie is, Jeannie tells her it's because of a cream she uses. She conjures some of it up and gives it to Mrs. Bellows. She uses it and it completely changes her appearance, she doesn't know it and goes to the base to see her husband. She runs into Healy who's taken with her. When Nelson sees the name on her id, he wonders if Jeannie did something. He calls her to come over but Mrs. Bellows tries to see her husband but he doesn't recognize her. Nelson tries to keep her away till Jeannie comes and fixes the whole thing. But when Mrs. Bellows he has to kiss her to keep her quiet but a General who's suppose to approve him for a new position catches them together and so does Jeannie who runs away.
[♪]
Congratulations, Major Nelson.
I just got the word.
Washington has approved
your nomination
as the senior officer
on the Lunar Landing Project.
Oh, yes, yes.
Thank you very much, sir.
Of course it won't be official
until General Whetherby
approves you.
Uh, General Whetherby, sir?
Yes, Pentagon liaison.
He's arriving today.
Ah.
Oh, but don't worry.
The job is yours.
Unless of course
you foul things up
by doing something weird.
Heh. Weird? Me, sir?
[CHUCKLES]
Please, Major Nelson.
Weird is the mildest word
I can think of
to describe some of the things
you've done.
Although I must admit that, uh,
things have been pretty quiet
since you got engaged.
Well, getting engaged
does quiet a man down, sir.
Well, in your case,
it was long overdue.
Mmm.
Oh, that reminds me, uh,
your charming fiancée
is having lunch
with Amanda today.
Oh. Uh, Jeannie's having
l-lunch with Amanda, sir?
Where?
Where would that be, sir?
At our house.
What's the matter with you,
major?
You look positively gray.
You know, I want to really get
to know you.
Well, how nice.
Yes.
Oh! Oh,
this Florida sunshine.
Honestly, it is just turning
my skin to leather.
Really?
Oh, yes.
I've tried everything,
and nothing seems to work.
What do you use?
Oh, just regular genie cream.
Genie cream?
No, I've never tried that.
Hello, Helen.
Well, I-it is
a special formula.
Oh.
Perhaps I have some
here with me.
I think you will find
this will help.
And you may keep it.
Oh, thank you, Je...
Oh, I'm going
to try it right away.
Oh, once in the morning
is all you need.
Bye-bye.
Bye-bye, Jeannie.
Tha... Oh, for goodness...
[♪]
Mmm.
Mmm. Feels better already.
Mmm.
Now, about that gift.
[♪]
[♪]
[♪]
Well, general,
Major Nelson's not a kid.
He, um, thinks creatively,
but he's very mature.
He is, huh?
Um...
You'll, uh, see
when you meet him.
Old for his age, wise and tough.
Married man, is he?
Engaged.
A tough, wise, old, engaged man.
Huh? Oh, no, no,
I wasn't worried.
I was just wondering
what Mrs. Bellows meant
when she said...
Oh, oh, I see. You gave her
a little jar of face cream, huh?
Well, that's sweet.
Okay, darling. I'll...
I'll talk to you later. Bye.
[♪]
[WHISTLES]
Hello, major.
Hello.
Miss.
Oh, oh, make my wildest
dreams come true.
Tell me you're looking for me.
Oh, Major Healey.
You know my name.
You're looking for me.
You're beautiful. I mean,
you really are beautiful.
Oh, well, thank you.
If you're not
doing anything tonight,
maybe we could get married.
Oh, Major Healey, you're a bit
strange most of the time,
but today!
Strange? It's fate.
A beautiful girl comes
walking down...
Major Healey.
You're the most... Wait.
Oh! Oh, miss.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Tony, I just met a girl.
You can't...
I just met the girl
and I'm in love with her.
Again?
Oh, not again.
This girl makes Raquel Welch
look like...
Everett Dirksen?
Yeah. How'd you know?
You used that last week.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
No, no, I mean,
this girl is beautiful.
She's a little young for me.
Yeah. Well, aren't they all?
What's her name?
Oh, her name.
Well, she's luscious,
she's beautiful, she's young.
Her name is, uh, Amanda Bellows?
Uh, Roger, really.
This is serious.
I... I got to finish this report.
No, I mean it.
I saw this girl in the hallway,
and she dropped this badge.
Are you sure?
I'm sure.
I've never been wrong
about women.
What do you think it means?
It means we better find
the girl of your dreams.
I think we've got
an impostor here.
No. This girl's too pretty.
She can't be an impostor.
Was she out this...?
Out this way.
Which way'd she go?
ROGER: Down there.
[♪]
Tony.
[SNAPS FINGERS]
Yeah. Is that her?
Yeah. Don't worry about it.
It was my goof.
I'll do the interrogation.
No, no, no.
Excuse me, miss.
My name's Anthony Nelson.
I, uh... I understand
you were wearing this.
Would you tell me
where you got it?
Very funny, Major Nelson.
Now would someone
let me in on the joke?
Whoever she's working for
knows how to pick 'em.
She sure sounds
like Mrs. Bellows.
I am Mrs. Bellows!
Roger, I have a sick feeling.
Me too. I think the girl
I'm in love with is a spy.
Huh?
Don't worry, darling.
I'll get you the best lawyers.
I'll stick by you to the end.
Major Nelson, get him off me!
Roger, take
your hands off of her.
Uh, could you tell me where you
were about an hour ago?
Well, having lunch with
your fiancée. You know that.
You called right after she left.
Di... Uh...
Did she give you anything?
Well, yes.
A jar of face cream. Why?
Roger, take your hands
off Mrs. Bellows.
What would I want
with Mrs. Bellows?
I'm in love with her.
Oh!
Roger, this is Mrs. Bellows.
I'm sorry, Mrs. Bellows.
This is... Jeannie gave her
some face cream. You understand?
Face cream!
Face cream?
Oh, I'm not sure, but I...
I think I'm heartbroken.
Excuse me.
[AMANDA YELLING]
I'm sorry about this,
Mrs. Bellows.
Not half as sorry
as you're going to be
when my husband hears
about this!
Jeannie, listen to me.
I don't have time
to answer questions.
You get over here just
as soon as you can.
Ah!
BELLOWS: Nelson!
Here.
AMANDA: Oh, Alfred!
Help!
Major Healey,
were you leaning on that door?
No, sir.
I was just leaving.
[POUNDING ON DOOR]
What's going on here?
Major Nelson.
Ah!
No. Ah. Mmm.
I can explain all this, sir.
Somehow.
That's the mature, stable,
engaged man you recommended?
Stand aside.
[AMANDA GRUNTING]
[TONY YELLS]
I knew something weird
would happen.
I'm beginning to wonder about
your maturity, doctor.
Hold on. Uh, general.
I just wanted
to tell you that...
Good afternoon,
Dr. Bellows.
Oh, uh, I wouldn't come in here
if I were you.
Why not?
Oh, hi, Jeannie.
Oh, hello. Heh.
Oh, what is in the closet,
Major Healey?
Oh, I...
I can't watch this.
Dr. Bellows, I can explain.
Dr. Bellows... Oh!
[GIGGLES]
Oh!
[SCREAMS]
No! It's not...
Oh, Anthony! How could you?
See, I can explain this.
I can explain this. I can expl...
Wait, Jeannie!
Oh, Mrs. Bellows,
I'm so sorry.
Oh.
Darling, oh, I love you.
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Mrs. Bellows, wait a second!
Is it something I said?
Mrs. Bellows?
TONY: Jeannie. Jeannie! Stop!
This whole thing was
your fault anyway.
My fault?
Yes.
Oh! Oh, master...
Now... Now... Now...
Shh! Don't.
Oh, oh, pardon me, sir.
You donated to the Serviceman's
Pension Plan?
No... No, I haven't.
Jeannie, look, look.
Don't blink, don't blink!
Oh, I can't help it, sir.
See, I have this astigmatism.
You have no reason to be mad.
Where are you?
Oh, I'm not mad. I'm not.
Sometimes my enthusiasm
gets in the way
and make people think
it's anger.
And it's really not anger
at all.
[MUTTERING]
But, general,
you don't understand.
That was not
the Major Nelson I know.
And you call that...
That cloakroom Casanova mature?
Well, he is.
I mean, he was.
But you must understand.
I would never recommend a man
capable of that kind
of behavior.
[SOBBING]
Oh. Oh, Alfred. Oh!
Oh, you wouldn't, huh?
Oh! Young woman, if
you don't mind...
Well, what's the matter?
Aren't you even going to ask me
what I was doing in that closet?
Well, it was quite evident,
uh, Miss, uh...
Oh, now you're going
to pretend you don't know me.
Well, I'm sorry, miss, but I...
I really don't.
Oh.
I hope I wake up soon.
I... I... I hate this dream!
[SOBBING]
I suppose you're going
to tell me
you've never seen that, uh,
busy young beauty before.
That's exactly what
I'm going to say.
But, uh, it seems I...
I've heard that voice before.
She sounds exactly like my wife.
Oh, yes.
That's always the way it is.
They run away from their wives
and then they find another one
exactly the same.
Me?
Shame on you... Bellows.
Good heavens.
[♪]
[CHUCKLING] You old goat.
I didn't know you had it in you.
But jumping cannonballs,
man, not in public!
But...
I checked the parking lot.
Mrs. Bellows must've gone home.
Okay. Uh, get over
to the house
and keep her from looking
in mirrors
until Jeannie
straightens this out.
Right, right.
And, Roger.
Yeah?
[STAMMERING]
Remember, try to find the cream.
Right. Yeah?
Roger.
Try to remember
it's Mrs. Bellows.
Roger!
Yeah...
Oh, hello, Dr. Bellows.
Uh, I want to explain about
what... What went on back there.
You see, one of the secretaries
got, uh, a cinder
in her, um, contact lens,
and I-I was trying to...
Save it for later, Major Nelson.
Four o'clock, my house.
General Whetherby will be there.
And make it believable,
will you?
Yeah.
[SIGHS]
But you don't want to hear
about the secretary, then?
Uh, w-with...
With a cinder in her...
This has been
a very strange day.
[GRUNTS]
[♪]
[♪]
You and Amanda Bellows?
No.
You and Amanda Bellows.
You gave her that genie cream
and you made her look like a...
A glamorous jet-set debutante.
Oh, dear.
Oh, dear.
Well, I-it is true.
Genie cream will change
a person's appearance
if they wish it.
Would you turn Mrs. Bellows
back the way she was?
Oh, yes, master.
Oh, heh, well, I-I cannot.
Well, y-you see, the spell
is not on Mrs. Bellows.
It is in the cream.
Well, then change the cream.
I know. I know, master!
I will blink an antidote.
Heh-heh. Here it is, master.
Thank you.
I hope it works.
Yeah. I hope so too.
Now, the next thing
I want you to do...
Is stay in my bottle
so that I will not get you
into anymore trouble.
Absolutely right.
Will you let me out of here?
Yes, master.
[♪]
[SIGHS]
Hm.
It will work.
[♪]
[SNIFFLES]
[SOBBING]
[SCREAMS] Oh!
You.
What are you doing here?
Alfred, what's wrong?
Young woman,
you have me confused
with someone else.
I hate to say this,
but I think one of us
needs a psychiatrist fast.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
But, Alfred, what are you doing?
Hiding you from my wife.
But I am your wife.
You'll never convince her
of that.
[SIGHS]
Oh, hi, Dr. Bellows.
Uh, Major Healey,
what can I do for you?
Oh, uh, uh...
Oh, nothing special, sir.
Uh, uh, oh, I was, uh...
I was wondering if you'd like
to buy a ticket for the, uh, oh,
for the Astronaut's, uh,
Relief, uh, uh, Fund Ball.
No, Major Healey,
I don't want any tickets.
Now would you kindly leave?
AMANDA:
Alfred, let me out of here.
There's someone at your closet.
Do you want to get that, sir?
AMANDA:
Alfred, I am your wife!
[AMANDA YELLING
INDISTINCTLY]
[DOOR OPENS]
Oh. Dr. Bellows,
I'm shocked.
It's a mistake, major.
I'm getting out of here.
You're crazy.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Wait a minute.
I'll take care of it. This way.
To the bedroom.
No! Oh, no!
No, no, no, no, no, wait.
You take care of her.
I'll go and see
if the coast is clear. Oh.
The coast is clear?
In my bedroom?
[GLASS SHATTERING]
You're all mad.
And I know what's happened.
It's germ warfare.
They've destroyed your minds.
The coast is clear.
[♪]
Major Healey,
what was that crash?
Oh, uh, uh, s-sonic boom, sir.
Terrible problem.
Oh. Uh, why are we
taking you in here?
I want her out of here,
out of my life.
Oh, Alfred.
Yes, sir. We all do.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
You get that, sir.
I'll keep her out of sight.
Thank you very much,
Major Healey.
I won't forget this.
Major Healey. Ooh!
Get your hands... Ooh!
Oh, oh! Oh! Not in there!
There are mirrors in there.
Oh, hello, Dr. Bellows.
Uh, Major Nelson,
you're a bit early.
[GLASS SHATTERING]
What is he doing in there?
Uh, who would that be, sir?
Uh, Major Healey.
It sounds like
he's breaking mirrors.
I'll check on it.
Oh, no, no. Wait. Wait.
[GLASS SHATTERING]
Oh...
He'll never believe me.
No one will ever believe me.
[AMANDA YELPS]
Oh. Hello, Mrs. Bellows.
It's gonna be all right
in a couple of minutes.
You stay away from me. You're
as crazy as the rest of 'em.
Huh? Oh, excuse me.
[GLASS SHATTERING]
TONY:
Roger!
He knows it's me.
He knows who I am.
I had to break them all.
She started to look into them.
Maybe this is the one, huh?
All right, hang on to it.
Here's the antidote. Shh.
[SOFTLY] Here's the antidote.
All we have to do is get it
on Mrs. Bellows' face.
Okay? Now, here, take that.
And don't mix 'em up.
ROGER:
I won't.
Mrs. Bellows!
[♪]
ROGER:
Whoa, oh, oh.
Everything's gonna be just fine.
BELLOWS: Major Nelson!
Uh, get that cream on her face.
Hmm?
Oh, hello, sir.
Oh, uh, Major Nelson,
General Whetherby is due here
any minute.
I want that woman
out of here before he comes.
Roger's taking care
of that right now, sir.
But how? There's no
outside door in the bedroom.
Uh, that's... That's right.
No, that's right. There...
Oh, no, wait.
Oh, forget about the general.
What if Amanda should come home?
Well, I think there's
little danger of that, sir.
Oh. Uh, uh, m-m-m-m...
Major. Ooh.
Funny place to hang your jacket.
Yeah.
Oh!
[GLASS SHATTERING]
[SCREAMS]
[♪]
Wait, Mrs. Bellows.
Wait a minute.
I wanna talk, Mrs. Bellows.
Maniac!
No, Mrs. Bellows.
Mrs. Bellows, wait!
I don't wanna hurt you.
I just want to smear
a little cream on your face.
In all my years
in the Air Force,
I've faced many dangers,
and I've never flinched.
But if my wife found
that other woman...
Oh, no. No.
[DOORBELL RINGING]
Oh. You better pull
yourself together, sir.
Yes.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
ROGER: Mrs. Bellows.
Mrs. Bellows.
Miss...
Uh, Mrs. Bellows?
She... She won't come out.
Uh, uh, this is Major Nelson.
Please, let me in.
I... I can explain everything.
[MOUTHING WORDS]
Oh, uh, come in, general.
Come in, come in.
Oh, uh, Major Nelson's
very anxious to explain
what happened at the base.
Good. Where is he?
Oh, he's right over here.
[♪]
Oh, uh, he's not here... yet.
From the look of things,
doctor, neither are you.
I want you to know
what a great service
you've done for your country.
I have?
Yes.
About what?
Yeah, 'bout what?
Well, there are
certain conditions in space
that affect perception.
Uh, for instance, we had to know
what would happen
to an astronaut
if he suddenly became
unrecognizable
to his fellow crewmates.
But why me?
Yeah, why her?
A very good question, Roger.
Thank you.
We needed someone who was
unaware that the experiment
was being conducted.
Oh, now, Major Nel...
And also someone who was bright,
uh, intelligent, perceptive...
And beautiful.
And, of course, beautiful.
Oh...
Well...
I'm glad
that I was some service.
But why didn't Alfred
say something?!
Uh, top secret.
He's been instructed not
to breathe a word of this. Ever.
Shall we conclude
with the experiment?
Roger.
The cream. Oh, yeah.
Oh, the cream.
Uh... Oh, I think
it was the gray one.
No.
No, wait a minute.
I think it was the...
The red.
Which one is it, Roge?
I'm not sure.
But, major, is the experiment
still going on?
[WHIMPERS]
Oh, general, it's very important
to us here at NASA
that Major Nelson head
this project.
You feel that strongly
about him, do you?
Oh, yes, sir, I do.
Well, he better show up soon.
Because, besides explaining what
he was doing in that closet,
I'm going to wanna know
why he's so late.
Major Healey,
what are you doing?
I know it's here someplace.
And while you're
explaining that,
you can tell me why you've
been breaking all my mirrors.
Huh?
Oh, ooh!
Oh, oh, oh!
Whoops, whoops.
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
Good idea, Roge.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Roger! Would you come over here?
Yeah. What?
We're gonna have
to use all of 'em.
Get the other jar.
Right!
Mrs. Bellows,
I wonder if you would
assist us in the latter part
of our experiment.
This is called
a tactile sensory exploration.
[CHUCKLES]
Oh. I...
Now, let's try this.
Oh! Ooh!
Notice any difference in her?
No. She just looks
a little greasier.
Huh?
Greasier.
Get another one, another one.
Yeah, another one.
Oh. Oh, no.
[WHINING]
Do you notice anything? Huh?!
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
It worked!
It worked, Tony.
We did it. We did it!
Tony, we did it. Oh, it worked.
Tony. Tony. Tony.
Mrs. Bellows.
TONY: Uh, there you are, Mrs.
Bellows.
Uh, you've been more
than helpful.
Our experiment in tactile
sensory exploration is over.
Not quite.
Oh!
That is tactile sensory revenge.
Mrs. Bellows. Oh...
Well, you've gotta admit
you had it coming.
Huh? Oh, thanks. Thanks.
Let me get a towel.
Oh...
ROGER:
You okay?
Roge, I was just thinking.
If I was 10 years younger,
I could handle this.
But Jeannie's making
an old man out of me.
Now, about General Whetherby...
[♪]
Roge?
Roge, why are you looking
at me like that?
[♪]
Roger, hurry, I can't find it.
Jeannie, forget what he said
about staying home.
Just get here.
In the Bellows' bathroom.
That's right.
The bathroom.
Tsk. Oh.
Alfred, would you mind please
telling me what is going on
with the mirrors in this house?
I don't know, dear.
Major Healey seems to have a...
A thing about them.
Tell me, did you see anything
strange in the bedroom?
No. Just Major Nelson
and Major Healey.
Oh, but it's all right, dear,
because I know
how to keep a secret.
Bedroom?
Major Nelson in the bedroom?
I thought you told me
he wasn't here yet.
Uh, well, he's not, sir.
I mean, uh, not here.
Uh, I mean, uh...
[LAUGHING]
Jeannie, will you please
control yourself
and blink another jar
of the antidote.
[LAUGHING] Oh.
I'm sorry, master.
[LAUGHS]
I'm so sorry,
but you look so funny.
[LAUGHS] Jeannie, please!
[KNOCKING ON DOOR] Oh.
Major Nelson,
this is General Whetherby!
Will you come out here, please?!
Jeannie, please.
[LAUGHING]
Major Nelson, I'll give you
exactly five seconds
to get out here.
I'm a busy man!
TONY:
Calling me, sir?
Major Nelson, you get ou...
You were in there.
You... You said...
Uh, you said.
I s... I said?
Oh, I have said
all I am going to say
on this or any subject
for at least 24 hours.
TONY:
Oh, General Whetherby,
I'd like you to meet my fiancée.
This is Jeannie.
Whetherby's the one
that found me trying to get
the cinder out
of the secretary's eye.
Oh, I am so happy
to meet you, general.
Isn't it funny how the simplest
things can become misunderstood?
[LAUGHING] Yes.
Yes. Yes. I, uh...
Well, Major Nelson, I have
a feeling that I've be...
I've been very wrong about you.
Nobody with a fiancée as lovely
and as charming as yours
could possibly have done
what I saw you doing.
It's a perfectly
natural mistake, sir.
Come in and sit down,
Major Nelson.
I want to hear your ideas
on the Lunar Landing Project.
Heh-heh-heh. Don't worry, sir.
She'll forgive you.
[♪]
Amanda?
Amanda. What have I done?
[♪]
Congratulations, Major Nelson.
I just got the word.
Washington has approved
your nomination
as the senior officer
on the Lunar Landing Project.
Oh, yes, yes.
Thank you very much, sir.
Of course it won't be official
until General Whetherby
approves you.
Uh, General Whetherby, sir?
Yes, Pentagon liaison.
He's arriving today.
Ah.
Oh, but don't worry.
The job is yours.
Unless of course
you foul things up
by doing something weird.
Heh. Weird? Me, sir?
[CHUCKLES]
Please, Major Nelson.
Weird is the mildest word
I can think of
to describe some of the things
you've done.
Although I must admit that, uh,
things have been pretty quiet
since you got engaged.
Well, getting engaged
does quiet a man down, sir.
Well, in your case,
it was long overdue.
Mmm.
Oh, that reminds me, uh,
your charming fiancée
is having lunch
with Amanda today.
Oh. Uh, Jeannie's having
l-lunch with Amanda, sir?
Where?
Where would that be, sir?
At our house.
What's the matter with you,
major?
You look positively gray.
You know, I want to really get
to know you.
Well, how nice.
Yes.
Oh! Oh,
this Florida sunshine.
Honestly, it is just turning
my skin to leather.
Really?
Oh, yes.
I've tried everything,
and nothing seems to work.
What do you use?
Oh, just regular genie cream.
Genie cream?
No, I've never tried that.
Hello, Helen.
Well, I-it is
a special formula.
Oh.
Perhaps I have some
here with me.
I think you will find
this will help.
And you may keep it.
Oh, thank you, Je...
Oh, I'm going
to try it right away.
Oh, once in the morning
is all you need.
Bye-bye.
Bye-bye, Jeannie.
Tha... Oh, for goodness...
[♪]
Mmm.
Mmm. Feels better already.
Mmm.
Now, about that gift.
[♪]
[♪]
[♪]
Well, general,
Major Nelson's not a kid.
He, um, thinks creatively,
but he's very mature.
He is, huh?
Um...
You'll, uh, see
when you meet him.
Old for his age, wise and tough.
Married man, is he?
Engaged.
A tough, wise, old, engaged man.
Huh? Oh, no, no,
I wasn't worried.
I was just wondering
what Mrs. Bellows meant
when she said...
Oh, oh, I see. You gave her
a little jar of face cream, huh?
Well, that's sweet.
Okay, darling. I'll...
I'll talk to you later. Bye.
[♪]
[WHISTLES]
Hello, major.
Hello.
Miss.
Oh, oh, make my wildest
dreams come true.
Tell me you're looking for me.
Oh, Major Healey.
You know my name.
You're looking for me.
You're beautiful. I mean,
you really are beautiful.
Oh, well, thank you.
If you're not
doing anything tonight,
maybe we could get married.
Oh, Major Healey, you're a bit
strange most of the time,
but today!
Strange? It's fate.
A beautiful girl comes
walking down...
Major Healey.
You're the most... Wait.
Oh! Oh, miss.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Tony, I just met a girl.
You can't...
I just met the girl
and I'm in love with her.
Again?
Oh, not again.
This girl makes Raquel Welch
look like...
Everett Dirksen?
Yeah. How'd you know?
You used that last week.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
No, no, I mean,
this girl is beautiful.
She's a little young for me.
Yeah. Well, aren't they all?
What's her name?
Oh, her name.
Well, she's luscious,
she's beautiful, she's young.
Her name is, uh, Amanda Bellows?
Uh, Roger, really.
This is serious.
I... I got to finish this report.
No, I mean it.
I saw this girl in the hallway,
and she dropped this badge.
Are you sure?
I'm sure.
I've never been wrong
about women.
What do you think it means?
It means we better find
the girl of your dreams.
I think we've got
an impostor here.
No. This girl's too pretty.
She can't be an impostor.
Was she out this...?
Out this way.
Which way'd she go?
ROGER: Down there.
[♪]
Tony.
[SNAPS FINGERS]
Yeah. Is that her?
Yeah. Don't worry about it.
It was my goof.
I'll do the interrogation.
No, no, no.
Excuse me, miss.
My name's Anthony Nelson.
I, uh... I understand
you were wearing this.
Would you tell me
where you got it?
Very funny, Major Nelson.
Now would someone
let me in on the joke?
Whoever she's working for
knows how to pick 'em.
She sure sounds
like Mrs. Bellows.
I am Mrs. Bellows!
Roger, I have a sick feeling.
Me too. I think the girl
I'm in love with is a spy.
Huh?
Don't worry, darling.
I'll get you the best lawyers.
I'll stick by you to the end.
Major Nelson, get him off me!
Roger, take
your hands off of her.
Uh, could you tell me where you
were about an hour ago?
Well, having lunch with
your fiancée. You know that.
You called right after she left.
Di... Uh...
Did she give you anything?
Well, yes.
A jar of face cream. Why?
Roger, take your hands
off Mrs. Bellows.
What would I want
with Mrs. Bellows?
I'm in love with her.
Oh!
Roger, this is Mrs. Bellows.
I'm sorry, Mrs. Bellows.
This is... Jeannie gave her
some face cream. You understand?
Face cream!
Face cream?
Oh, I'm not sure, but I...
I think I'm heartbroken.
Excuse me.
[AMANDA YELLING]
I'm sorry about this,
Mrs. Bellows.
Not half as sorry
as you're going to be
when my husband hears
about this!
Jeannie, listen to me.
I don't have time
to answer questions.
You get over here just
as soon as you can.
Ah!
BELLOWS: Nelson!
Here.
AMANDA: Oh, Alfred!
Help!
Major Healey,
were you leaning on that door?
No, sir.
I was just leaving.
[POUNDING ON DOOR]
What's going on here?
Major Nelson.
Ah!
No. Ah. Mmm.
I can explain all this, sir.
Somehow.
That's the mature, stable,
engaged man you recommended?
Stand aside.
[AMANDA GRUNTING]
[TONY YELLS]
I knew something weird
would happen.
I'm beginning to wonder about
your maturity, doctor.
Hold on. Uh, general.
I just wanted
to tell you that...
Good afternoon,
Dr. Bellows.
Oh, uh, I wouldn't come in here
if I were you.
Why not?
Oh, hi, Jeannie.
Oh, hello. Heh.
Oh, what is in the closet,
Major Healey?
Oh, I...
I can't watch this.
Dr. Bellows, I can explain.
Dr. Bellows... Oh!
[GIGGLES]
Oh!
[SCREAMS]
No! It's not...
Oh, Anthony! How could you?
See, I can explain this.
I can explain this. I can expl...
Wait, Jeannie!
Oh, Mrs. Bellows,
I'm so sorry.
Oh.
Darling, oh, I love you.
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Mrs. Bellows, wait a second!
Is it something I said?
Mrs. Bellows?
TONY: Jeannie. Jeannie! Stop!
This whole thing was
your fault anyway.
My fault?
Yes.
Oh! Oh, master...
Now... Now... Now...
Shh! Don't.
Oh, oh, pardon me, sir.
You donated to the Serviceman's
Pension Plan?
No... No, I haven't.
Jeannie, look, look.
Don't blink, don't blink!
Oh, I can't help it, sir.
See, I have this astigmatism.
You have no reason to be mad.
Where are you?
Oh, I'm not mad. I'm not.
Sometimes my enthusiasm
gets in the way
and make people think
it's anger.
And it's really not anger
at all.
[MUTTERING]
But, general,
you don't understand.
That was not
the Major Nelson I know.
And you call that...
That cloakroom Casanova mature?
Well, he is.
I mean, he was.
But you must understand.
I would never recommend a man
capable of that kind
of behavior.
[SOBBING]
Oh. Oh, Alfred. Oh!
Oh, you wouldn't, huh?
Oh! Young woman, if
you don't mind...
Well, what's the matter?
Aren't you even going to ask me
what I was doing in that closet?
Well, it was quite evident,
uh, Miss, uh...
Oh, now you're going
to pretend you don't know me.
Well, I'm sorry, miss, but I...
I really don't.
Oh.
I hope I wake up soon.
I... I... I hate this dream!
[SOBBING]
I suppose you're going
to tell me
you've never seen that, uh,
busy young beauty before.
That's exactly what
I'm going to say.
But, uh, it seems I...
I've heard that voice before.
She sounds exactly like my wife.
Oh, yes.
That's always the way it is.
They run away from their wives
and then they find another one
exactly the same.
Me?
Shame on you... Bellows.
Good heavens.
[♪]
[CHUCKLING] You old goat.
I didn't know you had it in you.
But jumping cannonballs,
man, not in public!
But...
I checked the parking lot.
Mrs. Bellows must've gone home.
Okay. Uh, get over
to the house
and keep her from looking
in mirrors
until Jeannie
straightens this out.
Right, right.
And, Roger.
Yeah?
[STAMMERING]
Remember, try to find the cream.
Right. Yeah?
Roger.
Try to remember
it's Mrs. Bellows.
Roger!
Yeah...
Oh, hello, Dr. Bellows.
Uh, I want to explain about
what... What went on back there.
You see, one of the secretaries
got, uh, a cinder
in her, um, contact lens,
and I-I was trying to...
Save it for later, Major Nelson.
Four o'clock, my house.
General Whetherby will be there.
And make it believable,
will you?
Yeah.
[SIGHS]
But you don't want to hear
about the secretary, then?
Uh, w-with...
With a cinder in her...
This has been
a very strange day.
[GRUNTS]
[♪]
[♪]
You and Amanda Bellows?
No.
You and Amanda Bellows.
You gave her that genie cream
and you made her look like a...
A glamorous jet-set debutante.
Oh, dear.
Oh, dear.
Well, I-it is true.
Genie cream will change
a person's appearance
if they wish it.
Would you turn Mrs. Bellows
back the way she was?
Oh, yes, master.
Oh, heh, well, I-I cannot.
Well, y-you see, the spell
is not on Mrs. Bellows.
It is in the cream.
Well, then change the cream.
I know. I know, master!
I will blink an antidote.
Heh-heh. Here it is, master.
Thank you.
I hope it works.
Yeah. I hope so too.
Now, the next thing
I want you to do...
Is stay in my bottle
so that I will not get you
into anymore trouble.
Absolutely right.
Will you let me out of here?
Yes, master.
[♪]
[SIGHS]
Hm.
It will work.
[♪]
[SNIFFLES]
[SOBBING]
[SCREAMS] Oh!
You.
What are you doing here?
Alfred, what's wrong?
Young woman,
you have me confused
with someone else.
I hate to say this,
but I think one of us
needs a psychiatrist fast.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
But, Alfred, what are you doing?
Hiding you from my wife.
But I am your wife.
You'll never convince her
of that.
[SIGHS]
Oh, hi, Dr. Bellows.
Uh, Major Healey,
what can I do for you?
Oh, uh, uh...
Oh, nothing special, sir.
Uh, uh, oh, I was, uh...
I was wondering if you'd like
to buy a ticket for the, uh, oh,
for the Astronaut's, uh,
Relief, uh, uh, Fund Ball.
No, Major Healey,
I don't want any tickets.
Now would you kindly leave?
AMANDA:
Alfred, let me out of here.
There's someone at your closet.
Do you want to get that, sir?
AMANDA:
Alfred, I am your wife!
[AMANDA YELLING
INDISTINCTLY]
[DOOR OPENS]
Oh. Dr. Bellows,
I'm shocked.
It's a mistake, major.
I'm getting out of here.
You're crazy.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Wait a minute.
I'll take care of it. This way.
To the bedroom.
No! Oh, no!
No, no, no, no, no, wait.
You take care of her.
I'll go and see
if the coast is clear. Oh.
The coast is clear?
In my bedroom?
[GLASS SHATTERING]
You're all mad.
And I know what's happened.
It's germ warfare.
They've destroyed your minds.
The coast is clear.
[♪]
Major Healey,
what was that crash?
Oh, uh, uh, s-sonic boom, sir.
Terrible problem.
Oh. Uh, why are we
taking you in here?
I want her out of here,
out of my life.
Oh, Alfred.
Yes, sir. We all do.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
You get that, sir.
I'll keep her out of sight.
Thank you very much,
Major Healey.
I won't forget this.
Major Healey. Ooh!
Get your hands... Ooh!
Oh, oh! Oh! Not in there!
There are mirrors in there.
Oh, hello, Dr. Bellows.
Uh, Major Nelson,
you're a bit early.
[GLASS SHATTERING]
What is he doing in there?
Uh, who would that be, sir?
Uh, Major Healey.
It sounds like
he's breaking mirrors.
I'll check on it.
Oh, no, no. Wait. Wait.
[GLASS SHATTERING]
Oh...
He'll never believe me.
No one will ever believe me.
[AMANDA YELPS]
Oh. Hello, Mrs. Bellows.
It's gonna be all right
in a couple of minutes.
You stay away from me. You're
as crazy as the rest of 'em.
Huh? Oh, excuse me.
[GLASS SHATTERING]
TONY:
Roger!
He knows it's me.
He knows who I am.
I had to break them all.
She started to look into them.
Maybe this is the one, huh?
All right, hang on to it.
Here's the antidote. Shh.
[SOFTLY] Here's the antidote.
All we have to do is get it
on Mrs. Bellows' face.
Okay? Now, here, take that.
And don't mix 'em up.
ROGER:
I won't.
Mrs. Bellows!
[♪]
ROGER:
Whoa, oh, oh.
Everything's gonna be just fine.
BELLOWS: Major Nelson!
Uh, get that cream on her face.
Hmm?
Oh, hello, sir.
Oh, uh, Major Nelson,
General Whetherby is due here
any minute.
I want that woman
out of here before he comes.
Roger's taking care
of that right now, sir.
But how? There's no
outside door in the bedroom.
Uh, that's... That's right.
No, that's right. There...
Oh, no, wait.
Oh, forget about the general.
What if Amanda should come home?
Well, I think there's
little danger of that, sir.
Oh. Uh, uh, m-m-m-m...
Major. Ooh.
Funny place to hang your jacket.
Yeah.
Oh!
[GLASS SHATTERING]
[SCREAMS]
[♪]
Wait, Mrs. Bellows.
Wait a minute.
I wanna talk, Mrs. Bellows.
Maniac!
No, Mrs. Bellows.
Mrs. Bellows, wait!
I don't wanna hurt you.
I just want to smear
a little cream on your face.
In all my years
in the Air Force,
I've faced many dangers,
and I've never flinched.
But if my wife found
that other woman...
Oh, no. No.
[DOORBELL RINGING]
Oh. You better pull
yourself together, sir.
Yes.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
ROGER: Mrs. Bellows.
Mrs. Bellows.
Miss...
Uh, Mrs. Bellows?
She... She won't come out.
Uh, uh, this is Major Nelson.
Please, let me in.
I... I can explain everything.
[MOUTHING WORDS]
Oh, uh, come in, general.
Come in, come in.
Oh, uh, Major Nelson's
very anxious to explain
what happened at the base.
Good. Where is he?
Oh, he's right over here.
[♪]
Oh, uh, he's not here... yet.
From the look of things,
doctor, neither are you.
I want you to know
what a great service
you've done for your country.
I have?
Yes.
About what?
Yeah, 'bout what?
Well, there are
certain conditions in space
that affect perception.
Uh, for instance, we had to know
what would happen
to an astronaut
if he suddenly became
unrecognizable
to his fellow crewmates.
But why me?
Yeah, why her?
A very good question, Roger.
Thank you.
We needed someone who was
unaware that the experiment
was being conducted.
Oh, now, Major Nel...
And also someone who was bright,
uh, intelligent, perceptive...
And beautiful.
And, of course, beautiful.
Oh...
Well...
I'm glad
that I was some service.
But why didn't Alfred
say something?!
Uh, top secret.
He's been instructed not
to breathe a word of this. Ever.
Shall we conclude
with the experiment?
Roger.
The cream. Oh, yeah.
Oh, the cream.
Uh... Oh, I think
it was the gray one.
No.
No, wait a minute.
I think it was the...
The red.
Which one is it, Roge?
I'm not sure.
But, major, is the experiment
still going on?
[WHIMPERS]
Oh, general, it's very important
to us here at NASA
that Major Nelson head
this project.
You feel that strongly
about him, do you?
Oh, yes, sir, I do.
Well, he better show up soon.
Because, besides explaining what
he was doing in that closet,
I'm going to wanna know
why he's so late.
Major Healey,
what are you doing?
I know it's here someplace.
And while you're
explaining that,
you can tell me why you've
been breaking all my mirrors.
Huh?
Oh, ooh!
Oh, oh, oh!
Whoops, whoops.
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
Good idea, Roge.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Roger! Would you come over here?
Yeah. What?
We're gonna have
to use all of 'em.
Get the other jar.
Right!
Mrs. Bellows,
I wonder if you would
assist us in the latter part
of our experiment.
This is called
a tactile sensory exploration.
[CHUCKLES]
Oh. I...
Now, let's try this.
Oh! Ooh!
Notice any difference in her?
No. She just looks
a little greasier.
Huh?
Greasier.
Get another one, another one.
Yeah, another one.
Oh. Oh, no.
[WHINING]
Do you notice anything? Huh?!
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
It worked!
It worked, Tony.
We did it. We did it!
Tony, we did it. Oh, it worked.
Tony. Tony. Tony.
Mrs. Bellows.
TONY: Uh, there you are, Mrs.
Bellows.
Uh, you've been more
than helpful.
Our experiment in tactile
sensory exploration is over.
Not quite.
Oh!
That is tactile sensory revenge.
Mrs. Bellows. Oh...
Well, you've gotta admit
you had it coming.
Huh? Oh, thanks. Thanks.
Let me get a towel.
Oh...
ROGER:
You okay?
Roge, I was just thinking.
If I was 10 years younger,
I could handle this.
But Jeannie's making
an old man out of me.
Now, about General Whetherby...
[♪]
Roge?
Roge, why are you looking
at me like that?
[♪]
Roger, hurry, I can't find it.
Jeannie, forget what he said
about staying home.
Just get here.
In the Bellows' bathroom.
That's right.
The bathroom.
Tsk. Oh.
Alfred, would you mind please
telling me what is going on
with the mirrors in this house?
I don't know, dear.
Major Healey seems to have a...
A thing about them.
Tell me, did you see anything
strange in the bedroom?
No. Just Major Nelson
and Major Healey.
Oh, but it's all right, dear,
because I know
how to keep a secret.
Bedroom?
Major Nelson in the bedroom?
I thought you told me
he wasn't here yet.
Uh, well, he's not, sir.
I mean, uh, not here.
Uh, I mean, uh...
[LAUGHING]
Jeannie, will you please
control yourself
and blink another jar
of the antidote.
[LAUGHING] Oh.
I'm sorry, master.
[LAUGHS]
I'm so sorry,
but you look so funny.
[LAUGHS] Jeannie, please!
[KNOCKING ON DOOR] Oh.
Major Nelson,
this is General Whetherby!
Will you come out here, please?!
Jeannie, please.
[LAUGHING]
Major Nelson, I'll give you
exactly five seconds
to get out here.
I'm a busy man!
TONY:
Calling me, sir?
Major Nelson, you get ou...
You were in there.
You... You said...
Uh, you said.
I s... I said?
Oh, I have said
all I am going to say
on this or any subject
for at least 24 hours.
TONY:
Oh, General Whetherby,
I'd like you to meet my fiancée.
This is Jeannie.
Whetherby's the one
that found me trying to get
the cinder out
of the secretary's eye.
Oh, I am so happy
to meet you, general.
Isn't it funny how the simplest
things can become misunderstood?
[LAUGHING] Yes.
Yes. Yes. I, uh...
Well, Major Nelson, I have
a feeling that I've be...
I've been very wrong about you.
Nobody with a fiancée as lovely
and as charming as yours
could possibly have done
what I saw you doing.
It's a perfectly
natural mistake, sir.
Come in and sit down,
Major Nelson.
I want to hear your ideas
on the Lunar Landing Project.
Heh-heh-heh. Don't worry, sir.
She'll forgive you.
[♪]
Amanda?
Amanda. What have I done?
[♪]