I Dream of Jeannie (1965–1970): Season 5, Episode 20 - Jeannie, the Recording Secretary - full transcript
To win a best husband contest, Jeannie blinks Tony back from his training in a very sleepy state.
[♪]
Master. A-are you sure
I look all right?
Of course.
You look wonderful.
Now, will you stop worrying.
Well, what if they
do not like me?
What if I say something wrong?
Darling, it's, um, the...
The Officers' Wives Association,
not the Spanish Inquisition.
Now, all you have to do
is smile.
Be polite. Uh,
talk about ordinary,
everyday things.
And, in short, just...
Just be yourself.
Be myself. Be...
Right.
Yes, darling.
Be myself.
What am I saying?
Uh, Jeannie.
You wouldn't want to
completely be yourself.
I mean, you couldn't
do that, could you?
Ooh!
Now... Now... Now, look.
Uh, just relax. Don't
get all upset about...
Oh. Hello, Major Nelson.
Hello, Jeannie. Hello.
Oh. I love that outfit.
That's just darling. Oh.
Thank you. Heh.
M-M-M-Mrs. Bellows, are...?
Are you sure
I should go to the executive
council meeting?
Oh, yes, I'm
very sure. Heh.
Please excuse me. I am in
a terrible rush. See you later.
Nice seeing you,
Mrs. Bellows.
Now, you see, she loves
what you were wearing.
Eh... There's nothing to
worry about, Jeannie.
But I mean, if there was,
I would be nervous, wouldn't I?
And I'm not. I'm...
cool, nonchalant, um...
Uh, I don't have a care
in the world.
And you shouldn't have
a care in the world either.
You are right, darling.
I am being so silly.
Yeah.
Goodbye.
Bye.
[GIGGLES]
[NERVOUSLY] I'm not nervous!
I'm not nervous.
No, of course.
[♪]
[♪]
[♪]
[♪]
[GASPS]
It is exactly the same outfit.
Oh, dear.
[DOOR CLOSES]
[SIGHS]
Ah, yes.
Hm, hm.
That is better.
Well, I... I'm afraid
I'm a little nervous, sir.
It's Jeannie's first meeting at
the Officers' Wives Association.
I don't see why
that should worry you.
I'm sure she'll do fine.
Why, hello, Jeannie.
Beautiful.
Oh, thank you.
Pink's your color.
Jeannie, what's with the dress?
Why did you change?
Oh, well, I could not
help it, master.
Another woman had on
exactly the same thing.
Yeah...
Well, she would hate me.
Darling...
Hate me.
Uh, Mrs. Bellows
saw you.
She even commented
on your outfit.
You can't...
Oh, I know. But master, I...
No buts. Sweetheart,
please change right now.
While no one's around.
Go ahead, change. Change.
Of course. Come on, come on.
Why did I not think of that
in the first place?
Please.
Instantly. Instantly, master.
Instantly.
Mm-hm.
WOMAN: Oh, well, no,
I like it that way.
[WOMEN
CHATTERING]
Mrs. Endicott. All the way
from Washington.
What a surprise.
A pleasant one I hope,
Mrs. Bellows.
AMANDA:
Yes.
I'm... I'm sorry,
darling.
Oh, do not worry, master.
I-it is all fixed.
BELLOWS: Oh, Major Nelson.
I forgot to mention...
Oh, no, it's not...
Go, go.
What?
Go. Go. Go! Go.
I beg your pardon.
I was telling Jeannie
to go, sir.
She's gonna be late for
an appointment. A meeting.
You were saying?
Oh, yes.
The, uh... Uh, simulator
schedule for the XT-4.
It's been changed.
Yes?
Uh, you and Major Healey
are gonna be in it
instead of, uh, Captain Billings
and Commander Lawrence.
Oh, good, sir. We'll be
looking forward to it.
Major, I'm going this way.
Well, why don't you go this way?
You seen Jeannie's dress?
Boy, blue's her color.
Uh, Major Healy,
would you mind...?
Blue?
I will now accept nominations
for the office of
recording secretary.
Oh. Well, I wanna nominate
Jeannie Nelson,
Major Nelson's wife
and our newest member.
Oh, no. No, please.
Uh, Mrs. Bellows,
I am not qualified.
WOMAN:
I second the nomination.
It's very simple, darling.
It's nothing to it.
Uh, yes, and I move
the nominations be closed.
It's been moved and
seconded that nominations
for the office of recording
secretary are closed.
All in favor?
ALL: Aye.
Congratulations, Jeannie.
You're our new
recording secretary.
[LAUGHS] You can start now.
Uh... Mrs. Bellows.
Hm?
What does a recording
secretary do?
Oh, it's very simple, Jeannie.
You just, uh, take the minutes.
Oh. Heh.
But I do not even have a watch.
[ALL LAUGHING]
[ALL CHATTERING]
Here, I'll show you.
Take this book.
And then you open to the date
of the meeting,
you see? And...
My suit!
[GASPS]
Good heavens.
[♪]
Uh, Mrs. Nelson, I know
this is going to sound silly,
but...
what am I wearing?
A pink dress.
Is, uh...?
Is something the matter?
Yes.
I don't own a pink dress.
Oh. Pink or blue. I mean,
what's the difference?
I mean, anyway, what do
you want from me?
How did I know she was gonna
blink another dress?
How did I know?
All right, Roger. Forget it.
She was inside before
Dr. Bellows
could make anything
out of it anyhow.
You know what Dr. Bellows
is gonna have me do?
What?
Take a bunch of tests
for colorblindness.
[LAUGHS]
Yeah.
So there it is, ladies.
A decision from
the National Wives' Association.
In recognition of the special
demands placed upon our men
by the military, the first
annual Good Husband Award.
Hm. That's a good idea.
Now, you are all
on your honor as officers' wives
to keep this contest
absolutely secret.
Oh, well, of co...
Absolutely se...
ENDICOTT:
Uh, during the week,
a panel, uh, selected by me,
uh, will investigate
and interview
each husband and wife
thoroughly.
The officer who is most helpful
around the house,
most sympathetic,
most understanding,
will win...
two weeks in Hawaii.
ALL:
Oh!
With his wife, of course.
[LAUGHTER]
All expenses paid.
Oh. That's marvelous. Marvelous.
Sympathetic and understanding.
Oh. Anthony will win easily.
Hm.
He has so much to be
understanding about.
[♪]
Jeannie. Darling,
I'm home.
[MAGIC BOINGS]
Aloha, master.
Oh.
I bought you a present.
Do you like it?
Mm. Oh.
[CHUCKLING] Yes, that's great.
Is a Hawaiian lei the new style
for Cocoa Beach this season?
No, no. But you never know
when it might come in handy.
Uh, darling, something
came up at the office
I have to talk to you about.
Oh, nice.
Come into the living room and...
And sit down and talk to me,
my darling, kind, sympathetic
and understanding husband.
Well, I'm afraid you're gonna
have to be the one
to understand, sweetheart.
Oh. We shall both understand
each other.
I'm gonna be away all week.
I do not understand.
[LAUGHS]
There's been a change in the...
In the simulator schedule.
Uh, Roger and I are gonna
be working on the XT-4,
and we start tomorrow.
Oh, master, not this week.
Why? Is there something
special about this week?
Oh, no. No, no. No,
nothing special.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Are you, uh,
telling me everything?
What happened at the Officers'
Wives Association meeting?
Oh, well, they...
They...
voted me recording
secretary, and...
[CHUCKLING] You're kidding.
Hey, uh, Jeannie,
that's wonderful.
That's never happened to you
before. You're a success.
Oh, my darling Anthony,
you are so kind
and understanding.
Mm-hm.
And it is all wasted on me.
Yeah. Right.
[♪]
Uh, it's time, colonel.
Oh, uh, thanks, Art.
XT-4, XT-4.
Uh, this is
Dr. Bellows.
Do you read?
Loud and clear,
Dr. Bellows.
Good day's work, gentlemen.
It's time to take your pills
and go to sleep.
Uh, Dr. Bellows,
I know you're...
I know you're duplicating
mission conditions exactly,
but do you think, uh,
instead of these pills,
we can de...? Out of the
question, Major Healey.
You're sealed in there until
simulated, uh, splashdown
at, uh, one week
from today. Sorry.
Uh, Dr. Bellows,
about those pills, sir.
The last time we took them,
they didn't work too well.
Well, you needn't worry about
that. They've been strengthened.
Once you take them,
there's nothing in the world
that can wake you up
for eight hours.
Uh, Dr. Bellows. Uh, are you
going to monitor our dreams?
Well, of course.
Don't pay any attention to mine.
They have nothing to do
with our mission. Heh.
[CHUCKLES]
Well... here goes.
[♪]
[DOORBELL RINGS] Mm.
[GASPS]
Mrs. Nelson.
Oh.
We are sorry to surprise you,
but, uh, we are dropping in
on all our good-husband
candidates
this way.
Well. Y-y... Yes.
This is a surprise.
Well, Mrs. Endicott doesn't
want to catch husbands
on good behavior.
Uh, may we come in?
Oh, well. Yes,
of course. Come in.
Oh, isn't this pretty.
Oh, Jeannie,
may we see Major Nelson?
We'll... We all just came in
for a few minutes.
Well... Well, he... He is
not here right now.
Really?
At 8:00
in the evening?
Well, perhaps it's a bad time.
We'll come back, uh,
tomorrow night.
Oh. He will not be here
tomorrow night either.
Oh.
Well, you poor girl.
Well... that seems to let
Major Nelson out.
Oh, w-well,
you do not understand.
You see, he is on a...
Aren't you being a little harsh?
Perhaps Major Nelson
had to work late.
Then he should get
a good-officer award.
We're here to consider him
for a good husband...
which he clearly is not.
Uh, you have
my sympathy, my dear.
I'm sorry, Jeannie.
Well, that is not fair.
Anthony is too a good husband.
[DOOR OPENS] Wait!
Um... If, uh...
If you still wish
to see Anthony,
uh, you may see him now.
But Jeannie, you said
he wasn't here.
Oh, well.
He... He is
not here.
He, uh... He is
in the, uh...
kitchen.
[♪]
Yes, of course.
WILSON:
Oh. Some kind of evening.
Uh, if, uh... If...
If... If you will all
just wait one moment,
I will bring him
out to you. Hm.
Heh.
Master. I am sorry
about this, but...
[SNORING] Anthony?
Anthony, what is the matter?
[GASPS]
Anthony, wake up.
Wake up.
[GASPS] Oh, dear.
[LOUD GASP]
Oh, dear.
My blink does not even
wake him up.
ENDICOTT: Uh, don't make
him come out, Mrs. Nelson.
We'll come in there.
Oh!
Uh, n-no.
You must excuse the intrusion,
Major Nelson, but...
Uh, M-M-Ma...
Major Nelson?
[SNORING]
He's asleep.
Mm-hm. Yes, he is.
I don't understand.
Asleep over the dishes?
Well, yes.
Y-you see, when he came home
this evening,
he was so tired,
that I suggested
that he have his dinner
and go right to bed.
But he is so kind
and considerate, heh,
that he insisted
on doing the dishes.
Poor dear.
Extraordinary.
ROSS: Well, that is
indeed a good husband.
Oh, yes.
He is quite wonderful.
I'm sorry, Mrs. Nelson.
We'll, uh, come back
tomorrow night,
when your husband
is not so tired.
Oh, well, he will probably be
tired tomorrow night too. Heh.
As a matter of fact, I...
I think he will be tired, oh,
the rest of the week.
Well... sorry to
hear that.
A good husband is not only
helpful and considerate,
he is also alert and attentive.
Good night.
Good night, Jeannie.
Good night, Jeannie.
[♪]
Alert and attentive.
Oh, dear. That will be
more difficult.
[DOOR CLOSES]
Oh.
[SNORING]
Oh, husband, darling.
You were wonderful. Mwah.
Hm.
[SIGHS]
Good morning, Art.
Are they up yet?
Good morning, colonel.
Just about to wake them, sir.
[MACHINES PULSING]
XT-4, this is CAPCOM.
Do you read?
XT-4, this is CAPCOM.
Do you read?
[GROGGILY] Yeah, I read you
loud and clear, CAPCOM.
[YAWNING]
Where...? Where are we?
We have you over Bermuda,
having just
completed 12th orbit.
All systems are still go.
[GROANS]
[SIGHS]
Where'd you get the apron?
I... I wasn't issued an apron.
Hm?
The apron.
BELLOWS:
XT-4. Good morning, gentlemen.
This is
Dr. Bellows.
What did Major Healey say
about an apron?
Apron? Uh, no, sir.
He said we were
bearing on Cape One.
How do you both feel
after your sleep?
Yeah, fine, sir.
Except the, uh...
Uh, fine, fine. Uh, except
we seem to have, uh...
chapped hands.
[LAUGHS]
Chapped hands?
That'll be a new one
on the biomedical section.
[SINGING IN FOREIGN DIALECT]
Yes. Hm. Yes.
[SNORING]
Ah, yes. Heh.
Darling? Da...?
Oh. Oh!
Oh. Darling, uh...
Oh, not again.
[SNORING]
Oh, darling, please wake up.
Please. Wake up.
They will be here any minute,
and you must be
alert and attentive.
Please.
[SNORING]
Oh!
[SCOFFS] Oh.
[GROANS] Perhaps
we can compromise.
[♪]
Yes.
Uh.
Uh-huh.
Well, perhaps they will not
notice you were asleep.
Oh, darling master.
I am sorry to do this to you,
but... after all,
you are the best
husband at NASA,
and you deserve
to win the prize.
[SNORING]
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Oh.
[EXHALES]
Well...
[PATS ON BACK]
Here we go.
Yes. Come in, please.
The door is open.
Well, good evening.
Hi, Jeannie.
Gee, I do hope your husband's
feeling better tonight.
Oh, yes.
Anthony is feeling much better.
Are you not, darling?
[ROBOTIC VOICE] Thank you
for your concern, darling.
I am feeling in the pink.
Would you ladies
like to sit down
and make yourselves comfortable?
ALL:
Oh, thank you.
[ALL CHUCKLE]
Uh, we, uh...
We just want to ask you
a few questions.
Uh, for a report that
the National Wives' Association
is preparing.
Oh, well, A-Anthony is just
helping me twine some yarn.
He is so helpful with little
tasks around the house.
Would you like some coffee?
ROSS: Well, only if
you have it made.
Oh, yes. Anthony
made it himself.
He is so helpful.
Uh... Uh, darling,
would you please...?
Yes!
Heh. Oh.
Take this.
[ALL CHATTERING]
[DOOR SLAMS]
I didn't think there were
husbands like that
left in the world. I...
Oh, well, Anthony is
something special.
[GASPS]
[CHUCKLES]
[ALL GIGGLING]
[SPEAKS
INDISTINCTLY]
Please try the cookies.
I baked them myself.
That is going too far.
Uh, Major Nelson, however
do you find the time for...
[LAUGHS]
All of this?
Excuse me.
I forgot something.
Coffee...
Is your husband...
[DOOR SLAMS]
Uh, always so, uh,
stiff and formal?
[ALL LAUGHING]
I mean, uh, boys will be boys,
but I think a good husband
should be...
uh, gentle and intimate.
Gentle? Intimate?
Here you are, gorgeous.
Because you're so beautiful.
What?
Huh.
[SCREAMS]
Oh, I... I am ve...
I am so sorry.
I thought you were Jeannie.
I mean, he thought...
He thought you were me.
What is going on around here?
JEANNIE: Oh, you... You
must excuse Anthony.
I sometimes do these
mad, impulsive things
just to brighten
an otherwise dull evening.
[LAUGHS]
[ALL LAUGH]
Well, now, everybody be calm.
Everybody be calm.
Uh... Uh... Uh, we have to
get back to the questions.
Oh, yes.
Jeannie, I-I...
I think
Mrs. Endicott
would like to ask Tony
some questions in private.
Um, why don't we all
go into the kitchen.
Private? No. No, no, no.
I do not think that is
a good idea. No.
Yes, let's go in the kitchen.
No. I-I really
do not think it...
ROSS: Oh, no. That's
a marvelous idea.
[SNORING]
I want...
[GASPS SILENTLY]
BELLOWS:
XT-4. XT-4.
This is Dr. Bellows.
CAPCOM, this is XT-4.
Retros on.
And firing.
I just want to
congratulate you men
on a very successful mission.
Thank you, sir.
Thank you, sir.
Except for some
unexplained blackouts
on Major Nelson's
dream-monitoring device
on Monday and Wednesday,
the mission was flawless.
We're glad you're pleased, sir.
The bird handles like a dream.
Oh, by the way.
We won't hold you
for debriefing today.
After splashdown,
you'll be home in an hour.
Yeah. But not to
my home.
An hour. That's
great, sir.
He won hands down.
Nobody else was even close.
You're gonna love Hawaii.
Uh, where is the major?
I think we ought to
congratulate him in person.
Well, a-a-a-as a matter
of fact, he, uh...
He does spend Saturdays
with you, doesn't he?
Oh, yes, of course.
Of course he did.
Uh... Uh, ladies.
Why do you not go
into the living room
and make yourselves comfortable.
Oh, thank you, Jeannie.
I shall, uh...
call Anthony.
Yes.
[♪]
Oh, he will not mind
one more time.
I hope.
Oh, well.
[RADAR BEEPS]
Yeah. Well, that does it.
Tony? Oh, Tony,
come on.
You... You can't
leave now.
We're almost through.
Tony.
[WHISPERING]
What am I doing here?
I'm supposed to be
in that simulator.
I have wonderful news.
Shh! Be quiet.
You are going to spend
two weeks in Hawaii.
If you don't get me back
in that simulator,
I'm gonna spend two years
in Leavenworth. Now...
Oh, Mrs. Bellows. How
nice to see you. Well...
Oh, yes. Oh, yes, please,
do... Do come in.
We... We were just
waiting for Anthony.
Oh, well, you're gonna
have a long wait.
I just spoke to Alfred, and
he's still in the simulator.
As a matter of fact, he's been
in the simulator all week.
I don't know how he could
possibly have been interviewed.
Oh, well, I'll just go
hang up my coat.
Oh, no.
No, no, no.
Why do you not keep it.
I-I believe it is
a little chilly in here.
Chilly?
Oh, it is.
Oh, well. Well, fine.
Love that suit on you.
Oh, just lovely.
I want to know who bought it.
JEANNIE: Are we not lucky Mrs.
Bellows is able to come.
[WHISPERS]
Jeannie. Jeannie.
[WOMAN'S VOICE] Mrs.
Nelson? Ha-ha. Hi.
I did the ironing
and the washing,
and I finished upstairs,
and I want to talk to you
about my check.
[WHISPERS] Get me out of here.
[LAUGHS]
Get me out of here.
Now, please.
Heh.
[♪]
Congratulations, Major Healey.
It was a marvelous mission.
Well, uh...
everything was fine
until the end, sir.
But, uh...
well, there's something
I gotta tell you, sir.
You see, Tony...
He's wearing a...
Uh, Major Nelson, congrat...
Tony.
Major Nelson.
What...?
[♪]
Now, Major Nelson,
don't try to deny
that you came out of the XT-4
wearing a woman's coat
and high-heeled shoes,
because I saw you.
Besides, the evidence
is right there.
I'm not trying to deny it, sir.
I'm simply trying to explain it.
Well, that's exactly what
I am waiting for.
[TAPPING DESK]
He's waiting, Tony.
Thanks, Roge.
[WOMEN CHATTERING]
Oh! There you are,
you adorable man.
[ALL CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]
Oh. Where did all
these women come from?
Madam, would you mind explaining
to me just exactly who you are?
I am Mrs.
Admiral Endicott.
And I am here to
present Major Nelson
the first annual
Good Husband Award.
Oh!
Is it not wonderful,
husband? Mm.
I don't know how you had
time to interview him.
He's been in
a simulator all week.
[LAUGHS] Oh!
I'll be interested in that myself.
Huh?
Simulator?
Why, that's ridiculous.
We spent two delightful
evenings together.
That's absolutely right.
We were there too.
I've never seen ladies
in my life, sir.
I told you.
How could he ever be...?
[ALL CHATTER INDISTINCTLY]
Ladies,
please come out here a minute.
This all...
Wait a minute.
The apron. The dream machine.
Mm-hm.
It's all beginning to make
hideous sense to me.
Oh. Are you not pleased,
husband, darling?
Huh? And the prize is
two weeks in Hawaii.
Mwah.
Two we...?
Major Nelson. Excuse me, Jeannie.
In Hawaii?
Some of these women insist
that you were at your house
last Monday and Tuesday night.
Now, what do you say to that?
What do I say to that? I'll tell
you what I say to that, sir.
Dr. Bellows. How would you like
a two-weeks' vacation in Hawaii,
all expenses paid.
BELLOWS: Pardon?
TONY: They're confused.
They gave me the prize,
but I don't deserve it.
I want you and Mrs. Bellows
to have the prize.
Out of the question.
You won the prize.
I selected you.
Well, in that case, I can do
anything I want to with it.
[LAUGHS] I'll tell you
the other stuff later.
Well, it certainly is, major.
It certainly is. It is
very generous of you.
[ALL CHATTERING]
I don't know.
[WHISPERING] Jeannie. Blink
out those women's clothes.
All of 'em?
Oh.
All of 'em.
All the women's
clothes right now.
Oh, Amanda, I agree...
[ALL CHATTERING]
[♪]
[SCREAMS]
[BOTH GASP]
[SCREAMS] How did you...?
[WOMEN SCREAMING, YELLING]
Oh.
[TALKING
INDISTINCTLY]
What's the matter
with you, darling?
You said...
Quick, kiss me.
Hm? Mm.
[LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY]
[♪]
Master. A-are you sure
I look all right?
Of course.
You look wonderful.
Now, will you stop worrying.
Well, what if they
do not like me?
What if I say something wrong?
Darling, it's, um, the...
The Officers' Wives Association,
not the Spanish Inquisition.
Now, all you have to do
is smile.
Be polite. Uh,
talk about ordinary,
everyday things.
And, in short, just...
Just be yourself.
Be myself. Be...
Right.
Yes, darling.
Be myself.
What am I saying?
Uh, Jeannie.
You wouldn't want to
completely be yourself.
I mean, you couldn't
do that, could you?
Ooh!
Now... Now... Now, look.
Uh, just relax. Don't
get all upset about...
Oh. Hello, Major Nelson.
Hello, Jeannie. Hello.
Oh. I love that outfit.
That's just darling. Oh.
Thank you. Heh.
M-M-M-Mrs. Bellows, are...?
Are you sure
I should go to the executive
council meeting?
Oh, yes, I'm
very sure. Heh.
Please excuse me. I am in
a terrible rush. See you later.
Nice seeing you,
Mrs. Bellows.
Now, you see, she loves
what you were wearing.
Eh... There's nothing to
worry about, Jeannie.
But I mean, if there was,
I would be nervous, wouldn't I?
And I'm not. I'm...
cool, nonchalant, um...
Uh, I don't have a care
in the world.
And you shouldn't have
a care in the world either.
You are right, darling.
I am being so silly.
Yeah.
Goodbye.
Bye.
[GIGGLES]
[NERVOUSLY] I'm not nervous!
I'm not nervous.
No, of course.
[♪]
[♪]
[♪]
[♪]
[GASPS]
It is exactly the same outfit.
Oh, dear.
[DOOR CLOSES]
[SIGHS]
Ah, yes.
Hm, hm.
That is better.
Well, I... I'm afraid
I'm a little nervous, sir.
It's Jeannie's first meeting at
the Officers' Wives Association.
I don't see why
that should worry you.
I'm sure she'll do fine.
Why, hello, Jeannie.
Beautiful.
Oh, thank you.
Pink's your color.
Jeannie, what's with the dress?
Why did you change?
Oh, well, I could not
help it, master.
Another woman had on
exactly the same thing.
Yeah...
Well, she would hate me.
Darling...
Hate me.
Uh, Mrs. Bellows
saw you.
She even commented
on your outfit.
You can't...
Oh, I know. But master, I...
No buts. Sweetheart,
please change right now.
While no one's around.
Go ahead, change. Change.
Of course. Come on, come on.
Why did I not think of that
in the first place?
Please.
Instantly. Instantly, master.
Instantly.
Mm-hm.
WOMAN: Oh, well, no,
I like it that way.
[WOMEN
CHATTERING]
Mrs. Endicott. All the way
from Washington.
What a surprise.
A pleasant one I hope,
Mrs. Bellows.
AMANDA:
Yes.
I'm... I'm sorry,
darling.
Oh, do not worry, master.
I-it is all fixed.
BELLOWS: Oh, Major Nelson.
I forgot to mention...
Oh, no, it's not...
Go, go.
What?
Go. Go. Go! Go.
I beg your pardon.
I was telling Jeannie
to go, sir.
She's gonna be late for
an appointment. A meeting.
You were saying?
Oh, yes.
The, uh... Uh, simulator
schedule for the XT-4.
It's been changed.
Yes?
Uh, you and Major Healey
are gonna be in it
instead of, uh, Captain Billings
and Commander Lawrence.
Oh, good, sir. We'll be
looking forward to it.
Major, I'm going this way.
Well, why don't you go this way?
You seen Jeannie's dress?
Boy, blue's her color.
Uh, Major Healy,
would you mind...?
Blue?
I will now accept nominations
for the office of
recording secretary.
Oh. Well, I wanna nominate
Jeannie Nelson,
Major Nelson's wife
and our newest member.
Oh, no. No, please.
Uh, Mrs. Bellows,
I am not qualified.
WOMAN:
I second the nomination.
It's very simple, darling.
It's nothing to it.
Uh, yes, and I move
the nominations be closed.
It's been moved and
seconded that nominations
for the office of recording
secretary are closed.
All in favor?
ALL: Aye.
Congratulations, Jeannie.
You're our new
recording secretary.
[LAUGHS] You can start now.
Uh... Mrs. Bellows.
Hm?
What does a recording
secretary do?
Oh, it's very simple, Jeannie.
You just, uh, take the minutes.
Oh. Heh.
But I do not even have a watch.
[ALL LAUGHING]
[ALL CHATTERING]
Here, I'll show you.
Take this book.
And then you open to the date
of the meeting,
you see? And...
My suit!
[GASPS]
Good heavens.
[♪]
Uh, Mrs. Nelson, I know
this is going to sound silly,
but...
what am I wearing?
A pink dress.
Is, uh...?
Is something the matter?
Yes.
I don't own a pink dress.
Oh. Pink or blue. I mean,
what's the difference?
I mean, anyway, what do
you want from me?
How did I know she was gonna
blink another dress?
How did I know?
All right, Roger. Forget it.
She was inside before
Dr. Bellows
could make anything
out of it anyhow.
You know what Dr. Bellows
is gonna have me do?
What?
Take a bunch of tests
for colorblindness.
[LAUGHS]
Yeah.
So there it is, ladies.
A decision from
the National Wives' Association.
In recognition of the special
demands placed upon our men
by the military, the first
annual Good Husband Award.
Hm. That's a good idea.
Now, you are all
on your honor as officers' wives
to keep this contest
absolutely secret.
Oh, well, of co...
Absolutely se...
ENDICOTT:
Uh, during the week,
a panel, uh, selected by me,
uh, will investigate
and interview
each husband and wife
thoroughly.
The officer who is most helpful
around the house,
most sympathetic,
most understanding,
will win...
two weeks in Hawaii.
ALL:
Oh!
With his wife, of course.
[LAUGHTER]
All expenses paid.
Oh. That's marvelous. Marvelous.
Sympathetic and understanding.
Oh. Anthony will win easily.
Hm.
He has so much to be
understanding about.
[♪]
Jeannie. Darling,
I'm home.
[MAGIC BOINGS]
Aloha, master.
Oh.
I bought you a present.
Do you like it?
Mm. Oh.
[CHUCKLING] Yes, that's great.
Is a Hawaiian lei the new style
for Cocoa Beach this season?
No, no. But you never know
when it might come in handy.
Uh, darling, something
came up at the office
I have to talk to you about.
Oh, nice.
Come into the living room and...
And sit down and talk to me,
my darling, kind, sympathetic
and understanding husband.
Well, I'm afraid you're gonna
have to be the one
to understand, sweetheart.
Oh. We shall both understand
each other.
I'm gonna be away all week.
I do not understand.
[LAUGHS]
There's been a change in the...
In the simulator schedule.
Uh, Roger and I are gonna
be working on the XT-4,
and we start tomorrow.
Oh, master, not this week.
Why? Is there something
special about this week?
Oh, no. No, no. No,
nothing special.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Are you, uh,
telling me everything?
What happened at the Officers'
Wives Association meeting?
Oh, well, they...
They...
voted me recording
secretary, and...
[CHUCKLING] You're kidding.
Hey, uh, Jeannie,
that's wonderful.
That's never happened to you
before. You're a success.
Oh, my darling Anthony,
you are so kind
and understanding.
Mm-hm.
And it is all wasted on me.
Yeah. Right.
[♪]
Uh, it's time, colonel.
Oh, uh, thanks, Art.
XT-4, XT-4.
Uh, this is
Dr. Bellows.
Do you read?
Loud and clear,
Dr. Bellows.
Good day's work, gentlemen.
It's time to take your pills
and go to sleep.
Uh, Dr. Bellows,
I know you're...
I know you're duplicating
mission conditions exactly,
but do you think, uh,
instead of these pills,
we can de...? Out of the
question, Major Healey.
You're sealed in there until
simulated, uh, splashdown
at, uh, one week
from today. Sorry.
Uh, Dr. Bellows,
about those pills, sir.
The last time we took them,
they didn't work too well.
Well, you needn't worry about
that. They've been strengthened.
Once you take them,
there's nothing in the world
that can wake you up
for eight hours.
Uh, Dr. Bellows. Uh, are you
going to monitor our dreams?
Well, of course.
Don't pay any attention to mine.
They have nothing to do
with our mission. Heh.
[CHUCKLES]
Well... here goes.
[♪]
[DOORBELL RINGS] Mm.
[GASPS]
Mrs. Nelson.
Oh.
We are sorry to surprise you,
but, uh, we are dropping in
on all our good-husband
candidates
this way.
Well. Y-y... Yes.
This is a surprise.
Well, Mrs. Endicott doesn't
want to catch husbands
on good behavior.
Uh, may we come in?
Oh, well. Yes,
of course. Come in.
Oh, isn't this pretty.
Oh, Jeannie,
may we see Major Nelson?
We'll... We all just came in
for a few minutes.
Well... Well, he... He is
not here right now.
Really?
At 8:00
in the evening?
Well, perhaps it's a bad time.
We'll come back, uh,
tomorrow night.
Oh. He will not be here
tomorrow night either.
Oh.
Well, you poor girl.
Well... that seems to let
Major Nelson out.
Oh, w-well,
you do not understand.
You see, he is on a...
Aren't you being a little harsh?
Perhaps Major Nelson
had to work late.
Then he should get
a good-officer award.
We're here to consider him
for a good husband...
which he clearly is not.
Uh, you have
my sympathy, my dear.
I'm sorry, Jeannie.
Well, that is not fair.
Anthony is too a good husband.
[DOOR OPENS] Wait!
Um... If, uh...
If you still wish
to see Anthony,
uh, you may see him now.
But Jeannie, you said
he wasn't here.
Oh, well.
He... He is
not here.
He, uh... He is
in the, uh...
kitchen.
[♪]
Yes, of course.
WILSON:
Oh. Some kind of evening.
Uh, if, uh... If...
If... If you will all
just wait one moment,
I will bring him
out to you. Hm.
Heh.
Master. I am sorry
about this, but...
[SNORING] Anthony?
Anthony, what is the matter?
[GASPS]
Anthony, wake up.
Wake up.
[GASPS] Oh, dear.
[LOUD GASP]
Oh, dear.
My blink does not even
wake him up.
ENDICOTT: Uh, don't make
him come out, Mrs. Nelson.
We'll come in there.
Oh!
Uh, n-no.
You must excuse the intrusion,
Major Nelson, but...
Uh, M-M-Ma...
Major Nelson?
[SNORING]
He's asleep.
Mm-hm. Yes, he is.
I don't understand.
Asleep over the dishes?
Well, yes.
Y-you see, when he came home
this evening,
he was so tired,
that I suggested
that he have his dinner
and go right to bed.
But he is so kind
and considerate, heh,
that he insisted
on doing the dishes.
Poor dear.
Extraordinary.
ROSS: Well, that is
indeed a good husband.
Oh, yes.
He is quite wonderful.
I'm sorry, Mrs. Nelson.
We'll, uh, come back
tomorrow night,
when your husband
is not so tired.
Oh, well, he will probably be
tired tomorrow night too. Heh.
As a matter of fact, I...
I think he will be tired, oh,
the rest of the week.
Well... sorry to
hear that.
A good husband is not only
helpful and considerate,
he is also alert and attentive.
Good night.
Good night, Jeannie.
Good night, Jeannie.
[♪]
Alert and attentive.
Oh, dear. That will be
more difficult.
[DOOR CLOSES]
Oh.
[SNORING]
Oh, husband, darling.
You were wonderful. Mwah.
Hm.
[SIGHS]
Good morning, Art.
Are they up yet?
Good morning, colonel.
Just about to wake them, sir.
[MACHINES PULSING]
XT-4, this is CAPCOM.
Do you read?
XT-4, this is CAPCOM.
Do you read?
[GROGGILY] Yeah, I read you
loud and clear, CAPCOM.
[YAWNING]
Where...? Where are we?
We have you over Bermuda,
having just
completed 12th orbit.
All systems are still go.
[GROANS]
[SIGHS]
Where'd you get the apron?
I... I wasn't issued an apron.
Hm?
The apron.
BELLOWS:
XT-4. Good morning, gentlemen.
This is
Dr. Bellows.
What did Major Healey say
about an apron?
Apron? Uh, no, sir.
He said we were
bearing on Cape One.
How do you both feel
after your sleep?
Yeah, fine, sir.
Except the, uh...
Uh, fine, fine. Uh, except
we seem to have, uh...
chapped hands.
[LAUGHS]
Chapped hands?
That'll be a new one
on the biomedical section.
[SINGING IN FOREIGN DIALECT]
Yes. Hm. Yes.
[SNORING]
Ah, yes. Heh.
Darling? Da...?
Oh. Oh!
Oh. Darling, uh...
Oh, not again.
[SNORING]
Oh, darling, please wake up.
Please. Wake up.
They will be here any minute,
and you must be
alert and attentive.
Please.
[SNORING]
Oh!
[SCOFFS] Oh.
[GROANS] Perhaps
we can compromise.
[♪]
Yes.
Uh.
Uh-huh.
Well, perhaps they will not
notice you were asleep.
Oh, darling master.
I am sorry to do this to you,
but... after all,
you are the best
husband at NASA,
and you deserve
to win the prize.
[SNORING]
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Oh.
[EXHALES]
Well...
[PATS ON BACK]
Here we go.
Yes. Come in, please.
The door is open.
Well, good evening.
Hi, Jeannie.
Gee, I do hope your husband's
feeling better tonight.
Oh, yes.
Anthony is feeling much better.
Are you not, darling?
[ROBOTIC VOICE] Thank you
for your concern, darling.
I am feeling in the pink.
Would you ladies
like to sit down
and make yourselves comfortable?
ALL:
Oh, thank you.
[ALL CHUCKLE]
Uh, we, uh...
We just want to ask you
a few questions.
Uh, for a report that
the National Wives' Association
is preparing.
Oh, well, A-Anthony is just
helping me twine some yarn.
He is so helpful with little
tasks around the house.
Would you like some coffee?
ROSS: Well, only if
you have it made.
Oh, yes. Anthony
made it himself.
He is so helpful.
Uh... Uh, darling,
would you please...?
Yes!
Heh. Oh.
Take this.
[ALL CHATTERING]
[DOOR SLAMS]
I didn't think there were
husbands like that
left in the world. I...
Oh, well, Anthony is
something special.
[GASPS]
[CHUCKLES]
[ALL GIGGLING]
[SPEAKS
INDISTINCTLY]
Please try the cookies.
I baked them myself.
That is going too far.
Uh, Major Nelson, however
do you find the time for...
[LAUGHS]
All of this?
Excuse me.
I forgot something.
Coffee...
Is your husband...
[DOOR SLAMS]
Uh, always so, uh,
stiff and formal?
[ALL LAUGHING]
I mean, uh, boys will be boys,
but I think a good husband
should be...
uh, gentle and intimate.
Gentle? Intimate?
Here you are, gorgeous.
Because you're so beautiful.
What?
Huh.
[SCREAMS]
Oh, I... I am ve...
I am so sorry.
I thought you were Jeannie.
I mean, he thought...
He thought you were me.
What is going on around here?
JEANNIE: Oh, you... You
must excuse Anthony.
I sometimes do these
mad, impulsive things
just to brighten
an otherwise dull evening.
[LAUGHS]
[ALL LAUGH]
Well, now, everybody be calm.
Everybody be calm.
Uh... Uh... Uh, we have to
get back to the questions.
Oh, yes.
Jeannie, I-I...
I think
Mrs. Endicott
would like to ask Tony
some questions in private.
Um, why don't we all
go into the kitchen.
Private? No. No, no, no.
I do not think that is
a good idea. No.
Yes, let's go in the kitchen.
No. I-I really
do not think it...
ROSS: Oh, no. That's
a marvelous idea.
[SNORING]
I want...
[GASPS SILENTLY]
BELLOWS:
XT-4. XT-4.
This is Dr. Bellows.
CAPCOM, this is XT-4.
Retros on.
And firing.
I just want to
congratulate you men
on a very successful mission.
Thank you, sir.
Thank you, sir.
Except for some
unexplained blackouts
on Major Nelson's
dream-monitoring device
on Monday and Wednesday,
the mission was flawless.
We're glad you're pleased, sir.
The bird handles like a dream.
Oh, by the way.
We won't hold you
for debriefing today.
After splashdown,
you'll be home in an hour.
Yeah. But not to
my home.
An hour. That's
great, sir.
He won hands down.
Nobody else was even close.
You're gonna love Hawaii.
Uh, where is the major?
I think we ought to
congratulate him in person.
Well, a-a-a-as a matter
of fact, he, uh...
He does spend Saturdays
with you, doesn't he?
Oh, yes, of course.
Of course he did.
Uh... Uh, ladies.
Why do you not go
into the living room
and make yourselves comfortable.
Oh, thank you, Jeannie.
I shall, uh...
call Anthony.
Yes.
[♪]
Oh, he will not mind
one more time.
I hope.
Oh, well.
[RADAR BEEPS]
Yeah. Well, that does it.
Tony? Oh, Tony,
come on.
You... You can't
leave now.
We're almost through.
Tony.
[WHISPERING]
What am I doing here?
I'm supposed to be
in that simulator.
I have wonderful news.
Shh! Be quiet.
You are going to spend
two weeks in Hawaii.
If you don't get me back
in that simulator,
I'm gonna spend two years
in Leavenworth. Now...
Oh, Mrs. Bellows. How
nice to see you. Well...
Oh, yes. Oh, yes, please,
do... Do come in.
We... We were just
waiting for Anthony.
Oh, well, you're gonna
have a long wait.
I just spoke to Alfred, and
he's still in the simulator.
As a matter of fact, he's been
in the simulator all week.
I don't know how he could
possibly have been interviewed.
Oh, well, I'll just go
hang up my coat.
Oh, no.
No, no, no.
Why do you not keep it.
I-I believe it is
a little chilly in here.
Chilly?
Oh, it is.
Oh, well. Well, fine.
Love that suit on you.
Oh, just lovely.
I want to know who bought it.
JEANNIE: Are we not lucky Mrs.
Bellows is able to come.
[WHISPERS]
Jeannie. Jeannie.
[WOMAN'S VOICE] Mrs.
Nelson? Ha-ha. Hi.
I did the ironing
and the washing,
and I finished upstairs,
and I want to talk to you
about my check.
[WHISPERS] Get me out of here.
[LAUGHS]
Get me out of here.
Now, please.
Heh.
[♪]
Congratulations, Major Healey.
It was a marvelous mission.
Well, uh...
everything was fine
until the end, sir.
But, uh...
well, there's something
I gotta tell you, sir.
You see, Tony...
He's wearing a...
Uh, Major Nelson, congrat...
Tony.
Major Nelson.
What...?
[♪]
Now, Major Nelson,
don't try to deny
that you came out of the XT-4
wearing a woman's coat
and high-heeled shoes,
because I saw you.
Besides, the evidence
is right there.
I'm not trying to deny it, sir.
I'm simply trying to explain it.
Well, that's exactly what
I am waiting for.
[TAPPING DESK]
He's waiting, Tony.
Thanks, Roge.
[WOMEN CHATTERING]
Oh! There you are,
you adorable man.
[ALL CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]
Oh. Where did all
these women come from?
Madam, would you mind explaining
to me just exactly who you are?
I am Mrs.
Admiral Endicott.
And I am here to
present Major Nelson
the first annual
Good Husband Award.
Oh!
Is it not wonderful,
husband? Mm.
I don't know how you had
time to interview him.
He's been in
a simulator all week.
[LAUGHS] Oh!
I'll be interested in that myself.
Huh?
Simulator?
Why, that's ridiculous.
We spent two delightful
evenings together.
That's absolutely right.
We were there too.
I've never seen ladies
in my life, sir.
I told you.
How could he ever be...?
[ALL CHATTER INDISTINCTLY]
Ladies,
please come out here a minute.
This all...
Wait a minute.
The apron. The dream machine.
Mm-hm.
It's all beginning to make
hideous sense to me.
Oh. Are you not pleased,
husband, darling?
Huh? And the prize is
two weeks in Hawaii.
Mwah.
Two we...?
Major Nelson. Excuse me, Jeannie.
In Hawaii?
Some of these women insist
that you were at your house
last Monday and Tuesday night.
Now, what do you say to that?
What do I say to that? I'll tell
you what I say to that, sir.
Dr. Bellows. How would you like
a two-weeks' vacation in Hawaii,
all expenses paid.
BELLOWS: Pardon?
TONY: They're confused.
They gave me the prize,
but I don't deserve it.
I want you and Mrs. Bellows
to have the prize.
Out of the question.
You won the prize.
I selected you.
Well, in that case, I can do
anything I want to with it.
[LAUGHS] I'll tell you
the other stuff later.
Well, it certainly is, major.
It certainly is. It is
very generous of you.
[ALL CHATTERING]
I don't know.
[WHISPERING] Jeannie. Blink
out those women's clothes.
All of 'em?
Oh.
All of 'em.
All the women's
clothes right now.
Oh, Amanda, I agree...
[ALL CHATTERING]
[♪]
[SCREAMS]
[BOTH GASP]
[SCREAMS] How did you...?
[WOMEN SCREAMING, YELLING]
Oh.
[TALKING
INDISTINCTLY]
What's the matter
with you, darling?
You said...
Quick, kiss me.
Hm? Mm.
[LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY]
[♪]