I Dream of Jeannie (1965–1970): Season 5, Episode 12 - My Sister, the Home Wrecker - full transcript

[♪]

[SHRIEKS] No.

She did it.

That naive simpleton
of a sister of mine

married him!

Ooh!

[♪]

He's mine!

I wanted him!

And I'll get him!

[OBJECTS SHATTERING]



Oh. I'll make them
sorry that

they ever set eyes
on one another.

I'll...

Tsk. I'll break it up.

[CHUCKLES]

[♪]

[♪]

[♪]

Oh, master, that is wonderful.

Oh, yes. Then you may
come back tonight?

Oh, I shall wait for you.

Yes.

[KISSES]

Oh, he is coming home!
He is coming home!



He is coming home!

[♪]

[DOOR CLOSES]

Hi. Hey, aren't you
ready yet?

We've got to be at
the Bellows' at 9:00.

Oh, no, Major Healey.
I am not going.

My master may return
tonight! Ooh! Ha-ha!

Wait a minute.
Don't you want to

meet "Jet Stream" Jellico?

Who?
Uh, Biff Jellico.

One of our new astronauts.
The party's in his honor.

He's a real hotshot.
Oh, no, Major Healey.

My master is enough
of a hotshot for me.

ROGER: Well, you're
really a one-man's woman.

Well, uh, I'll give 'em
your apologies.

Oh, let me see.

Oh, what shall I wear
for my master's homecoming?

[DOOR CLOSES]
Oh. I know.

[♪]

[SIGHS]

One-man woman.
Hm-hm.

Sister, dear, I think
your reputation's

about to be changed.

You are not only going to meet

this Biff "Jet Stream" Jellico.

You're going to
fall in love with him.

[CHUCKLES MISCHIEVOUSLY]

Thank you very much.
I'm glad you're enjoying it.

Uh, excuse me.

Oh, uh, listen, girls,
you've got to have one.

Oh, Biff, it's
wonderful having you here.

Oh, well, thank you, doctor.
This is a wonderful party.

Lovely. Sweetheart,
will you

take care of the back, please?

Oh, there's a run on the
cheese ones. They're marvelous.

[PEOPLE CHATTERING]

[ROGER SIGHS]

Oh, look, honey, I know you're
crazy about me and all that,

but just for tonight, try to
keep your paws off me, okay?

This is an official party.

Mwah.

Anything you say, darling.

Anything I say.

Oh, well. Major Healey,
good evening.

Where's Jeannie?
Oh.

Good evening.
Yeah, well, uh,

she decided to wait for Tony.

I'd like you
to meet Tina. Heh.

Uh, your date, major?
Yeah.

Well, if she's like
the other women here,

she's probably heading
for Major Jellico.

I don't know what it is,
but there's, um...

There's something about him.

Uh, he must have
an awful lot of, uh,

animal magnetism.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

Even Amanda is twitterpated.

Oh, I didn't know Amanda
was a twitterpated, sir.

Well, what made you come back
to the Air Force

and give up auto racing?

I mean, especially after
you just won the Grand Prix.

Uh, well, you see,
Mrs. Bellows,

it's because rockets
are faster than racing cars.

Rockets are faster.
[ALL LAUGHING]

Rockets are faster than...
Hi. Hi, everybody.

I'd like you to meet my, uh...
My girl. This is Tina.

She, uh... She, uh...

She just can't
tear away from me.

She loves to... Loves to come
to these parties.

We've been going together
a long time. A long time.

She's a little man-shy though
too. You have to forgive her.

Excuse me. I just thought...

Well, if you'll
excuse me, ladies,

I'll get a breath of air.

AMANDA: Breath of air.
Isn't that adorable?

Oh, uh, Tina?
Would you like a drink?

Would you like to dance?
Maybe you'd like to, huh?

Are you...? Would you, uh...?
TINA: Roger.

Yeah. He's, uh...
He's out on the patio.

Thank you.
You're my girl.

Can't tear herself away from me.

Oh, hi, fellas.
You don't, uh...

Your dates...?

[♪]

[PEOPLE
CHATTERING]

Whoops. Oh, darling.
Don't get a little careless.

You'll blow the whole thing.

Mm. There.

That's better.

Hm.

[SIGHS] Hello.

Well... hello.

Why didn't I meet you inside?

I just got here.

I'm, uh, Biff Jellico.

How do you do?
I'm Jeannie.

Well. The party's
getting better.

Well, thank you.

May I have a, um, cigarette?

Oh, sure.

Hey. You're beautiful.

Yes.
[LAUGHS]

Oh. Thanks again.

Mm, light, please.

[♪]

Phew.

Ah!

Oh. Oh, master.

Oh, welcome home.

Mm. I'm glad you
didn't go to the Bellows'.

Oh, I did not want to go
without you.

Not even to meet Biff Jellico?

Oh, what is a Biff Jellico,
anyway?

[♪]

Salami rolls.
I can make 'em...

Oh, that's broken
again, sweetheart.

You'll have to fix...

[GASPS]

Look.

It's Jellico.

[GASPS]

And Jeannie.

Our Jeannie?
Yeah.

[GASPS]

Amanda.
Uh, uh, major.

[♪]

Now, this ought to complete
the briefing, Biff.

Anything I can do to help you,
you just let me know.

Thanks, Tony.
I'll take you up on that.

Oh, um, how did the reception go
at the Bellows' last night?

Heh. A-one, extra special,
terrific.

I met the girl.

My wandering days are over.

Yeah? No kidding?

Take it from an old married man,
there's nothing like it.

You gotta bring her over
to meet my wife some night.

I would love to.
See you, Tony.

Okay. Good luck.

Hi, Roger.
What's the matter?

You lose something?

Yeah, I was, uh...

I was just gonna call my girl,
and I lost her number. You...

Oh, you remember her.

That... That little silver blond
at the party. About so high.

Oh. Yeah.
Crazy about me.

Boy, she gets all shook up
when I don't call.

Madly in love with me.
She's... Just chases me around.

You mean, this one?

Yeah.

Yeah, that's...
That's her.

As a matter of fact,
you can have the whole book.

I won't be needing it.

Wait a minute.
You're...

You're giving me
your whole black book?

That's right.
Good luck, Roger.

Wait. Biff?
Yeah.

Oh, Biff, there's a l-lot
of names in here. Yeah.

Well, anything I can
do for you, why, just, uh...

Well, there is.
Uh, I'd like to buy

some roses for a lady.

Uh, where's the best place?

Oh, the, uh, Cocoa Beach Florist
is at 5th and Vine.

Just tell 'em it's, uh...
Just tell 'em Roger sent you.

Thanks, Roger.
Thanks, Biff.

Oh, thank you, Biff.

Look at the A's.
They go on forever.

Hello, Major Healey.

Oh, hi, Jeannie.

Hm.
[WHISTLES]

Betty, Bernice, Beulah, Bertha,

Brunhilda?

Five stars and a cluster.

Five stars and a cluster.

Oh, hi, Jeannie.
Ah... J...

[QUIETLY] No. What am I saying?
That's not Jeannie.

A girl with
five stars. Oh.

"Married."

I'm sorry, sir. I really don't
know what you're getting at.

Well, I'm not getting at
anything particular, major.

That is, uh, I just think
that you should realize

that young wives get lonely.

Um, especially when their
husbands are away so often.

Yes, sir. I'll keep that
in mind. Thank you.

I hope you will.
Oh, and major, uh,

it would help if you were
especially attentive.

You know, uh, be interested
where she goes, what she does.

And, um... Oh, try to
bring her little things

like, uh, candy
and flowers, you know.

Well, Jeannie's not
really interested

in that kind of thing,

but I'll keep it in mind, sir.

All women are interested, major.

You remember that.

[♪]

Blind.

Absolutely blind.

Now, there's an idea.

Imagine. Not being interested.

I never heard... Oh, Stella.

Uh, yes. I'd like you to do
a little favor for me.

Yeah, would you call
the Cocoa Beach Flower Shop?

Fine. Um, I want...

Well, I want you to send...

some long-stemmed red roses

to Mrs. Jeannie Nelson.

That's right.
Oh, and sign the card...

"Love, Anthony."

Fine. Now, make it

very, very particular, will you?

Jeannie, I'm home.

Uh, Roger's here. He's gonna be
staying for dinner.

Yeah. Dinner and
a telephone.

Oh.

Hello, master, darling.
Hello, Major Healey.

Hello, darling.
How are you?

[CHUCKLES]
[GIGGLES]

Look at those pretty roses.

Yeah. Those are
beautiful.

I was just talking to somebody
about roses today. Roses, roses.

Are they not beautiful?
My master sent them to me.

That was very sweet of you,
darling. Thank you.

Well, that's all right,
but I didn't send 'em.

Uh-oh.

The flower shop
said that you did.

Well, that's funny.

You know, master, I had
the most peculiar conversation

with Amanda Bellows today.

Yeah?
Mm.

Oh, uh, Jeannie, I've... I've
got to talk to you a minute.

Well, certainly, Major Healey.

Uh, in the kitchen.
I do all my serious talking

in the kitchen.
Heh-heh. Charming.

Heh. If you're gonna ask her
to blink something, forget it.

Oh. It's not
for me, old buddy.

It's for you.

[♪]

Jeannie. Um, I've got to
talk to you.

You've got to break
this thing up.

It's gonna bring you
nothing but unhappiness.

Oh, Major Healey,
what are you talking about?

Oh, you know what
I'm talking about.

I know he's handsome
and irresistible.

You gotta think about Tony.

What is the matter with
my master? Is he not well?

No, but he will be
if he finds out,

and he's gonna find out if you
keep on with that crazy lie.

What a bad lie. And those roses.
He knows he didn't send those.

Oh, Major Healey...
[DOORBELL RINGS]

Oh, excuse me. Excuse me.
I must answer the doorbell.

Oh, no, forget about the door.
You've got thousands of years

to fool around.

You can't fool around now.

But I know that, Major Healey.
A nice... Nice genie like you.

Oh, hello, Mrs. Bellows,
Dr. Bellows.

Major Nelson.
Hello, you poor,

poor dear man.

Uh, major, we were in
the neighborhood and...

Yeah. Would you like
to stay for dinner, sir?

Oh, no, thank you, major.
We're just on our way.

Alfred, now... Of course
we can stay for dinner, major.

Thank you asking us.

I mean, that is, if you, uh,
think Jeannie can manage.

Oh, yeah, Jeannie can make it.

Uh... Uh...
Hey, Jeannie!

The Bellows are gonna be
staying for dinner.

Amanda, we shouldn't have come.

Nonsense, Alfred.
Now, listen to me.

I tried to speak to her this
morning. I really tried, dear.

But she just played dumb.

But it's none of our business.

Alfred, how can you
say such a thing?

Major Nelson happens to be
one of your finest officers,

not to mention
a very good friend.

Now, how can we just idly sit by
and let him be deceived

by that blond hussy?

But what if we made a mistake?

After all, we only saw them
once. It was very dark.

Alfred, you know what you saw
just as well as I did.

Oh, no. I'm not
leaving this house

until I have it out
with Jeannie.

[GROANS]

Amanda.

Oh, hi.
Oh. Dr. and Mrs. Bellows,

I am delighted that
you can stay for dinner.

Jeannie, I'd like to
speak with you, please.

Oh, certainly,
Mrs. Bellows.

Um... in the kitchen?

Yes, I'd like to see

what you've got cooking.
All right.

Excuse me.

Sorry.

Uh, sure.

Excuse me.
[SIGHS]

Well, there seems to be
a lot of conferencing

going on in the kitchen.
Yeah.

[BOTH LAUGH] Uh...

You all like a drink?

Oh, fine, major. Fine. My usual.
Yeah. Fine, fine.

Usual. Yeah, the usual.
What beautiful roses.

Oh, uh, s-sir. Don't, uh...
Don't mention the roses.

Tony didn't send the roses.

I know that.

You mean, you're in on it too?

Doesn't anybody
play it straight anymore?

Yes, I'm in on it.

Major Nelson seems to be
the only one who isn't.

Yeah. Oh, boy.
Hm.

TONY:
Here you are!

Oh. Thank you.
Here you are, sir.

[DOORBELL RINGS]
Oh, I'll get it. Roge.

Here, help yourself.
Oh. I got it.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

Oh, hi, Biff.

Oh, Tony. You live here?

I'm beginning to wonder.
Come on in.

Well. That's weird.

I-I... I was supposed to
meet somebody,

and I had this address.

Major Healey!

What do you think you're doing?

I'm sorry, sir.
I'm sorry, sir.

Boy, he moves
right in, doesn't he?

Who moves right in?
Biff.

What colossal gall.

Like a little more soda, sir?

Oh, major.

JEANNIE: Anthony, who's there?
Uh, Jeannie.

Anthony.

Biff, this is my wife, Jeannie.

[♪]

Oh! Oh, I am sorry.

Are you all right?

Oh, yes.
Heh.

Now, this is going to be
an interesting evening.

You all right, darling?
Yeah. Well...

it... It is very nice
to meet you.

Uh, can you stay for dinner?

Uh...
Uh, no.

Um, I'd better get going.

Wrong address.

But you just got here.
I will put another plate on.

Do not worry. It is
no trouble at all.

Will you look at her?

Cool as a cucumber.

You know, she denied everything
in the kitchen. Everything.

She said she didn't even know

what I was talking about.

[MUTTERS]

Uh...
Yeah.

And you can take
this back. See this?

I wouldn't date
Brunhilda if she had

five stars after her name.

There you are.
Oh. Roses, huh?

That figures.

TONY:
Say... Uh, why don't you use

the phone and find out
what went wrong, huh?

No, I think I know
what went wrong.

I'm sorry to bother you folks.

Yeah. B...

[SCOFFS]

I... I...

[♪]

Jeannie, what's
the matter with you?

You're not supposed to pop in
and out when people are here.

Oh, do not be such
an old fuddy-duddy.

Fuddy-d... Wha...?

She's gone buggy
along with everybody else.

Hey, I want to talk to you.

Oh, well. I am
very popular tonight.

Everybody wishes to talk
to me. In the kitchen.

Yeah.

Well, it looks like

it's gonna be a fun evening
with the Nelsons.

It does. Uh, do you think
he found out something?

Oh, he looked pretty mad.
Mm.

Boy, when he gets mad...
Uh, really mad. Oh.

[♪]

[SIGHS]

SISTER:
Darling...

over here.

Oh, it was torture, sweetheart,

seeing you in there, and
not being able to hug you

and kiss you and...

Why didn't you tell me
you were Major Nelson's wife?

Well, I was afraid that
it might make a difference.

You bet your life
it makes a difference.

We'll never see
each other again.

Hm. That's what
you think, darling.

No.

We love each other.

That's all that matters.

Yes, darling. Yes. I thought
you'd see it my way.

Are you gonna deny
you called me a fuddy-duddy?

Master, I have been
in this kitchen three times.

Once with Major Healey,
once with Mrs. Bellows,

and now with you.

And I-I fail to understand what
any of you are talking about.

All right, uh, forget it.

Just don't go popping in and out

in front of my guests, huh?

But I...

Shh!

Oh. Alfred,
she's shameless,

And in her own house too.

But I distinctly saw her go

into the kitchen
with Major Nelson.

Well, there
she is. Tsk.

Oh. Oh.

Heh. Darling.

What are we gonna do?

Well, you're simply
going to have to tell him.

You're right.
We have to tell him.

It's better that way.
Clean, honest.

Right, right, darling.
All that stuff.

[GIGGLES]

Now you go around the front,
and I'll meet you inside.

Now, darling, don't you worry.

Soon we won't have to hide
our love in the shadows.

No, dear. No, no, no.

[CHUCKLES]

Nincompoop.

I don't know what
they all see in him.

For the last time, master,

I did not call you
a fuddy-duddy,

and I did not pop out.

Jeannie, I saw you.

Well...

you do not see me anymore.

Now, will you stop that?

Oh.
Oh!

Oh, I'm sorry. I...

She's not here.

No, she isn't, is she?

Would you like some, uh,
hors d'oeuvres, sir?

M... Mrs. Bellows, have you
seen Jeannie by any...?

Uh, no! No,
I haven't, major.

I thought she was with you.
Uh, no.

Roger, would you give me
a hand looking for Jeannie?

She popped out on me.

Jeannie!
Oh, Jeannie.

Jeannie!
Jeannie?

Jeannie.
Jeannie, Jeannie.

Now, major, really.

You don't honestly expect to
find her in a drawer, do you?

Yeah. Drawer,
that's very silly.

Well, of course it's silly.
That's why I said it.

She's probably
in the pencil box. She's...

Uh, excuse me.
Mrs. Bellows.

Dr. Bellows.

Uh... Amanda.
What?

You were right. Uh, Jeannie
wasn't in the kitchen.

Oh, well, thank you
for telling me, dear.

You'll be very happy to know

that she's not in
the pencil box either.

Uh, Jeannie, if you're up there,

will you please
come down? I'm sorry.

[DOORBELL RINGS] Oh, uh...

Oh, hi, Biff.
I thought you'd gone.

Uh, Tony... Uh...
I mean, Major Nelson.

I want to talk to you.

Can't it wait just a second?
I got to talk to my wife.

Well, that's what I want to
talk to you about. You see,

Jeannie and I...
No, no, no, no, no.

Don't say it.

Hey. Why, uh... You all have been
acting cockeyed all e...

Would somebody please tell me
what's going on around here?

Psst. Master,
I am sorry too.

[SIGHS]

[WHISPERS] Come down.

ROGER: It's okay,
Tony, I got her!

What are you so mad about?

He's the one that should be mad.

Let go of me, you idiot!

You'll spoil everything.

[WHISPERS] Get out!

Jeannie, for heaven's sake...
What's going on here?

Yeah, what's going on?

W... I wish...

Anthony!
Yes?

Yeah.

I am leaving you.

Honey, what are you saying?

I'm afraid that's true, Nelson.

We didn't plan it that way,

we didn't mean it
to happen, but...

that's the way it is.

Wh... You can't
leave me. I love you.

Hey. Hey, hey.
Let her go.

You stay out of this,
you bounder!

Say that you... Say
you didn't mean that.

No, Anthony.
I am leaving you,

and that is final.

Okay. Get in there.
Go on.

[SCREAMS]

That's a closet you just put her in.
Shh. Shh.

That's where disobedient
wives go, Mrs. Bellows.

Be quiet in there!
[POUNDING]

Don't you think
that's a little rough?

Rough? It's
positively medieval.

I can see now why
she's leaving you.

[LAUGHS]

Now, see here, Nelson.
I felt bad about this before,

but not anymore.
You're some kind of monster.

Now, get out of the way.
Jeannie!

SISTER:
Let me out!

BELLOWS: Oh, great heavens!
He's going to pieces!

BIFF: Oh. I can't stand
to see a grown man cry.

[WHISPERS] I've got it, Jeannie.

Oh, yes, master.
And it is brilliant.

[BANGING ON DOOR]

Nelson, I'm warning you.

[LOUD BANGING]

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Roger, get the door.
Yeah.

Not this door, you idiot.

That door.

Hi.

Hi, Biff, honey.
Where you been?

[♪]

[♪]

Jeannie?
[BANGING ON DOOR]

But you're in there.

Jeannie? Oh, no, no.
My name's Janine.

Gee, it's a nice place you got here.
Uh, but...

Oh, I guess you mean
the girl that lives here.

Yeah, well, sometimes
we do look an awful lot alike.

As long as I'm wearing
my wig. Heh-heh.

Wig?
Yeah, and my girdle.

Oh, boy.

They sure do the job,
don't they, honey?

Huh.
Gee, Biff,

I waited and waited
for you, and then...

Then I noticed the car
was parked at the curb

in front of this house,
and I thought,

"Oh, he got
the wrong address."

Uh, you mean, you're the girl
I met the other night?

Yeah. Under the tree
at the Bellows'? Heh.

I crashed your party
'cause I heard

that, uh, there'd be a lot
of eligible males there.

[GIGGLES]

And I found one.

Uh, well...
Well, I... I just remembered

I have an important engagement
back at the, uh, base,

don't I, Dr. Bellows? Uh...

Uh, we'll make it
some other time.

Uh, sorry, Tony.
Sorry, everybody.

Hey! Wait a minute!

You said you loved me.

[♪]

Oh, boy.

But I really don't
understand, you see,

because I saw them kissing
outside your window.

Oh, good heavens, Amanda.

You're probably
seeing things again.

Alfred, are you gonna
stand there and tell me

that I didn't hear Jeannie tell
him that she was leaving him?

Now, what about that?
Yeah, what about that?

Oh, yeah. She said that,
all right.

Uh, but I'm... I'm a little
embarrassed to tell you.

Oh, why don't you try?

Well, you know how young wives
are about unexpected guests

coming for dinner. Well,
Roger came, and then you came.

She got a little upset,
that's all.

Oh, for heaven sakes.
I knew we shouldn't have come.

Oh, I'm terrible sorry,
Major Nelson.

AMANDA:
Wait a minute, major.

You mean, for that,
you locked her in the closet?

I didn't. This is
her favorite place to be

when she's mad at me.

Oh, Amanda. Please...
Ha-ha. Figure that one out.

Well, I'm leaving.
Yes. Don't worry, Alfred.

And when I get home,
I'm going in the closet.

[DOOR OPENS,
CLOSES]

This jazz about the closet being
Jeannie's favorite place

to hide when she's mad is
all right for Dr. Bellows,

but don't you think
we should let her out?

I can't. It's, uh...
Jeannie's sister.

[BANGING ON DOOR]

And I know exactly
what to do with her.

[CRASHING]

Oh. Master.

Oh. Dear.

[BANGING ON
BOX DOOR]

There. Now we will be able
to put her someplace

where she cannot cause
any more trouble.

[SPUTTERS] Oh. You mean,
your sister's in there?

Yeah. That is
right.

Oh, that's
terrific. Heh.

So are my uniforms.

Oh, boy.

[♪]

[♪]