I Dream of Jeannie (1965–1970): Season 4, Episode 5 - The Used Car Salesman - full transcript
Instead of taking Tony's car to a repair shop, it ends up on a used car lot.
[CAR SPUTTERS]
Oh, the battery's dead.
Jeannie.
Jeannie.
Say, Jea...
Oh, uh, hi.
Uh, would you blink
into another outfit
and give me a hand out here?
Oh, yes, master.
Right away.
Does that mean
I am going with you?
No, for the last time,
you can't go.
Now, hurry up.
I'm gonna be late.
How often does my very own
master go on television?
Shh!
And with my hair like this,
no one would know who I am.
No! No, Jeannie. That's my final
word on the subject. No.
Look, I'm... I'm a little late.
If you could just help me, huh?
Would you, uh,
turn on the ignition?
I can fix it.
No, no, no.
Uh, the last time you fixed it
I found a camel under here.
Now, just turn on
the ignition, huh?
Which is the ignition?
It's the one, uh, with the key.
[ENGINE STARTS]
Good.
Good. Thanks, Jeannie.
Put your foot on the brake,
will you?
Put your foot on the brake!
Put your...
Jeannie!
No! No!
Not on the gas!
Hey! Hey!
Hey, Harry. How are you?
[TIRES SQUEAL DISTANTLY]
[CRASH]
[JEANNIE SCREAMS]
[NERVOUS LAUGH]
They do not make automobiles
the way they used to.
[♪]
[♪]
[♪]
Look at it! Look at it!
I am sorry, master.
It was an accident.
I've got to get to the studio.
I gotta get to the studio!
Yes, master.
We can't hang around here.
Oh!
Where are we, anyway?
The TV studio.
Oh, thanks, Jeannie.
Well, now that we are here,
shall we go in?
Oh, uh, Major Nelson.
Uh, Amanda.
Yes, darling.
You're my cousin from Kansas.
You're only gonna be
in Cocoa Beach for a day.
And you'll never him again,
got it?
Yes.
Howdy, now, Dr. Bellows.
Just in time
for your rehearsal, major.
I'd like you to meet...
I am his cousin, Jeannie,
from Kansas
who will only be in Cocoa Beach
for one day
so you will never see me again.
Oh.
AMANDA:
This is my cousin, Homer Banks.
He's from out of town too.
Put it there, captain.
Yeah. Major.
Captain, major.
What difference does it make?
We're all on the same team, huh?
Miss, you are as pretty
as a picture.
I'm in siding.
Aluminum siding.
[LAUGHS] Oh, yes.
[CHUCKLES]
AMANDA: Oh, yes.
He's very successful.
As a matter of fact,
he has everything...
except a wife.
And I'm working on that.
Major Nelson,
you and your party
come right on in.
Come along, major.
Uh, but sir...
Oh, no, no. Your public's
waiting. Come along.
Ah, ah, ah.
We don't have to go in yet,
Jeannie.
Why don't us, um, cousins
stay out here for a little while
and chew the fat, huh?
Thank you very much, Mr. Banks...
Oh, Homer, please.
Oh, Homer Please, I, uh,
I would like to go in
and see my master... Um... Um...
Um, my cousin rehearse.
Oh, but there's nothing
to watch.
Besides, you'll see it all
a little later.
Come on. Let me buy you
a cup of coffee.
Oh, well, but Mr. Banks, I...
Homer.
Oh, Mr. Homer,
I do not want any coffee.
Why, sure, you do.
There's nothing like
a hot cup of coffee
to break the ice.
Cream and sugar.
Mr. Homer, please let go
of my hand.
Jeannie, I'm a man of action.
When I find something I like
I never let go, hm?
Hm!
[MAGIC CHIME]
Ooh!
Oh, my hand is stuck.
Jeannie, help me.
Oh, yes, Mr. Homer.
I will send out
some paper towels
so that you may
clean up the mess.
I think she likes me.
[♪]
Excuse me.
Where did you come from?
Oh, uh, Kansas.
I'm cousin Jeannie.
Well, howdy, howdy,
cousin Jeannie. I'm Carl Tucker.
Owner and general manager
of Carl Tucker Cars,
the largest transportation
center in Cocoa Beach.
What can I do for you?
Oh, well, uh, how much
will it cost to fix this car?
Oh, you really like this car,
do you, little lady?
You've got a real eye.
She's one of a kind.
Now, actually, we don't own her.
But we might be able
to persuade the owner
to part with her.
Oh, but Mr. Tucker...
The, uh, damage isn't too bad.
Superficial, really.
Now, by the time
our service department
gets finished with it,
you won't recognize it.
Now, I might be able
to let you have it for, say, uh,
1699.
But Mr...
Sixteen-hundred.
You do not understand.
I am the one
who wrecked the car.
Oh.
Well, in that case, as I say,
the damage may look superficial,
but there are probably
internal injuries.
Internal injuries?
Oh, yes.
The block looks like
it's cracked.
The axle is shot.
Upholstery pretty well beat.
Yes.
And we got the bumpers
bent up pretty good too.
New tires.
New tires?
Uh, windshield.
No windshield.
But how...?
How much will it cost?
Ooh, could run as high as,
say, uh, $500.
Five hundred dollars?
Oh, that is terrible.
You know, miss,
I shouldn't be saying this,
but I like you.
And I want to see you
get a fair shake.
If I were you,
I'd get rid of her.
It's a junk heap.
But who would want
to buy a junk heap?
Four hundred dollars.
As she stands.
And I'll be losing money.
Uh, I do not understand.
You were going to sell the car
to me for $1699.
Look, miss, I want you
to understand something.
Carl Tucker
may not be a rich man,
he may not be a handsome man,
but he's an honest man.
And when I say something
about a car,
you can believe it.
My word is my bond.
Now, I want you
to promise me something.
If you ever catch me
saying anything
about any car on this lot
that isn't true,
you show me,
and I'll be the first one
in the world to admit it.
Promise?
Oh, I promise, Mr. Tucker.
Four hundred dollars.
Now, let me see.
You would give me $400.
And it would cost $500
to repair it.
That means my master
would save $100.
Oh, I will take it.
Oh, you're a shrewd
businesswoman.
Well, now, you'll be needing
a new car, won't you?
Mm.
I'll tell you what.
Look around the lot.
Take as long as you want.
And when you see one you like,
you call me.
And remember,
if you find anything wrong
with any car on this lot,
you show me up for a faker.
Right?
Right.
Oh, what a nice man.
Ooh, with this $400,
I will be able to buy my master
a new car.
How would he ever get along
without me?
[PEOPLE LAUGHING]
HOMER:
And that's kind of a funny
sighting we men
really get a charge out of.
Yeah, but you know,
I'm real disappointed, captain.
I was looking forward to seeing
that cute little filly again.
That cute little filly
trotted back to Kansas.
Well, I may just have to
trot right back there after her.
She really took my fancy.
Ho-ho!
Shh! Quiet, everyone.
It's starting.
And now, On the Spot,
the program that covers
the country
bringing you interviews
with the people
you would most like to see
on the spot.
On the Spot is brought to you
by Carl Tucker Automobiles,
the largest automotive center
in Cocoa Beach.
Hi, folks. Carl Tucker, here.
Owner and general manager
of Carl Tucker Cars,
the largest transportation
center in Cocoa Beach.
Here we are
in our used car division,
one of three separate facilities
offering you everything limos
to fine transportation cars.
So... So whether you've got $100
or $5000 to spend on a car,
you'll find what you're looking
for at Carl Tucker's.
Come on down and see us,
you hear?
Come here.
Hold the cards a little closer.
I don't want to have to squint.
People think you're dishonest
when you squint.
Say, Mr. Tucker,
Yes.
Who's that chick over there?
She's been here all day long
going through every car
on the lot.
Now, you leave her alone.
That chick's my pigeon.
And let me know when it's time
for the next commercial, huh?
Right.
This looks like my master's car.
Well, miss, I can see
you've got good taste.
You sure picked a beauty.
Oh, but Mr. Tucker,
is this not the car...?
It's a shame to call this used.
Clean as the day
she was produced.
Not a mark on her.
I am sure this is
my master's car.
I happen to know this car was
owned by a retired clergyman.
Yes, this is it!
Wha...? Wha...? Wha...?
What happened?
Mr. Tucker, you asked me
to tell you
if you were wrong, and, well,
this is the car that you bought
from me this morning for $400.
Oh, jeez. We made a deal
this morning fair and square.
If you don't like it,
take your business elsewhere?
Oh, but I...
Mr. Tucker,
time for the next commercial.
What happened?
I don't know.
Mr. Tucker?
Mr. Tucker?
Oh.
I think he is trying
to cheat me.
Now, here is a letter
from Frances Gordon of Chicago
to our astronaut, Major Nelson.
She wants to know how thick
is the dust on the moon?
Uh, well, our surveyor program
has shown us
that it's from a few inches
to a few feet.
However, in, uh, several areas
it's strong enough
to support a landing craft.
HOST:
Thank you, major.
There will be more questions
for On the Spot
in a moment,
after this brief pause
for a word from
Carl Tucker Automobiles.
Hm! You come off
real good, major.
You really do.
TUCKER:
Hi, friends. Carl Tucker again.
Owner and general manager
of Carl Tucker Cars,
the largest transportation
facility in Cocoa Beach.
No matter what
you're looking for,
used car, new car,
pickup truck, camper,
we've got them here
at Carl Tucker.
Mr. Tucker,
you told me to tell you
if what you said about a car
was not true.
That looks like your cousin.
Um, no, it couldn't be.
She's back in Kansas.
What...?
TUCKER: You see, folks?
People just can't wait to shop
and then buy at Carl Tucker.
Beat it, lady
We're... We're on camera.
That is your cousin!
Oh, sorry... Sorry.
Sorry. Oh, I'm sorry.
I just had these pants pressed.
Um... Um... Uh, sir, may I change
the channel on that?
I hope you don't mind...
Leave it alone, major.
Homer's right.
Why did you say she went home?
But you were trying to cheat
all those people
who are watching on television.
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]
Get out of here.
Get out of here.
Get out of here.
That is not right.
Well, because it...
It just looks like her, sir.
It's really not her.
You see, the reception
on this thing is terrible.
Isn't it, Roge? Huh?
ROGER:
That's a good picture.
BELLOWS:
What's wrong with you, major?
The reception's fine.
Oh, here's the problem, sir.
It's right here.
[COUGHS]
Major Nelson, why did you
destroy my television set?
Oh, I'm... I'm terribly sorry
about that, sir. I...
I insist we have it repaired
immediately, right, Roge?
What have you done
to Dr. Bellow's television?
[CHUCKLING]
I... I know a place
that stays open on Sundays, sir.
I'll go there right away.
You broke his set!
Oh, that's darling of them,
isn't it, dear?
You know, they really are
very conscientious.
Amanda, they didn't...
That's a shame.
I'm going down to the used
car lot and find Jeannie.
They really are very sweet...
Amanda, they didn't
take the set.
Do you know how much these
commercials cost me a minute?
Well, I'll tell you.
No I won't.
Every second I yell at you,
it costs me money.
Look, hold her.
Don't let her get away.
Come on. Finish.
Awfully sorry about
the interruption, folks,
Before we return you
to our program,
let me show you
a few of Carl Tucker's finest.
Now, the blue books says
this car should sell for $2532.
Our price at Carl Tucker's...
Unfortunately, this car
has already been sold.
Forget the license number.
But there are many more
cars here,
one that'll really suit you.
Anything you need,
right here at Carl Tucker's.
Okay, take this late-model
station wagon.
This car has...
powered doors.
[LAUGHS]
[CHUCKLES]
A little joke, folks.
Always like to try
and keep them laughing
here at Carl Tucker's.
This isn't happening.
This can't be happening.
Now, this is Carl Tucker...
This is Carl Tucker,
owner and general manager
of Carl Tucker Cars,
returning you to... To...
What's the name
of that stupid program?
On the Spot.
And it is not a stupid program.
My master is on it.
Lady, what do I have to do
to get rid of you?
First, you must promise not
to lie about your cars anymore.
I promise, I promise.
Cross my heart and hope to die.
Good. Now I will take
my master's old car back.
Sixteen-hundred and
ninety-nine dollars.
Mr. Tucker.
All right, all right,
whatever you say.
Take it for nothing.
Just go.
Oh, no, that would not be fair.
You paid me $400 for it,
and I will give you $400 back.
Oh, is that not wonderful?
I did it right.
This... This isn't happening,
so it really doesn't
make any difference,
but lady, you drive the car
from the front seat.
Oh, I know.
But you see, I do not know
how to drive.
Makes sense.
Makes perfect sense.
HOMER:
Jeannie!
Jeannie!
Jeannie!
Jeannie! It's me, Homer!
Turn around, turn around,
turn around!
Turn around! Jeannie!
[POLICE SIREN BLARES]
Good afternoon, officer.
Was I speeding?
Lady, why are you
persecuting me?
Oh, I... I do not understand.
It's because I'm a cop, right?
And you just hate cops, huh?
I mean, everybody
hates cops nowadays.
Oh, no, officer,
I do not hate policemen.
Oh, I have great respect
for them.
That is why I was not
driving the car.
Well, I know it is illegal
to drive without a license.
[TIRES SQUEAL DISTANTLY]
Oh, there's my master.
He will explain everything.
Good day, officer.
How are you?
I can explain everything.
I, uh... This... Uh, show him
your ID, will you, Roge?
Okay.
ID.
Master!
Shh!
Did you notice your car?
It is all fixed.
Yeah, it's wonderful.
Wonderful.
And it did not cost anything.
That is the most wonderful
thing.
Mr. Tucker said that...
I heard what Mr. Tucker said.
Uh, what I'm worried about is
what the policeman's gonna say
about a car driving itself.
Oh, master, you do not
have to worry about him.
All I will do is simply go:
N-no, no.
You can't go around blinking out
policemen to Afghanistan.
It's not... not legal.
Not even nice.
Just follow my lead
and don't do anything.
Oh, master,
I would follow you anywhere.
Here's a picture of my mother.
And, uh, here's a picture
of my father,
and here's a picture
of my mother and my father.
I'm waiting, major.
You remember mom?
We're with R&D.
Research and development.
Top secret.
Q clearance.
Just testing
a little project, here.
Uh-huh. How to destroy the
morale of the police department.
[LAUGHS] Yeah.
You see that car?
Looks like an ordinary
automobile, doesn't it?
It's a highly sophisticated
remote-control space device.
We're testing it out on land
before we take it up there.
And I suppose the girl
is a computer, huh?
Shh! How'd you know?
I... I watch television,
same as the next guy.
Yeah, well, we were trying
to get the bugs out of her
when she ran into you earlier.
She's a very complicated
piece of machinery.
Ain't that the truth.
You mean you believe him?
Of course I do.
I mean, uh, the way I see it,
either I believe him
or I'm some kind of a fruitcake.
[PANTING] I thought
I'd never catch you.
Jeannie... Oh, Jeannie,
I've gotta talk to you.
Jeannie?
Who's Jeannie?
This young lady is Jeannie.
And she's the major's cousin
from Kansas.
But officer, I've explained
the situation to you...
I know, I know, I know.
You told me that the car was
a remote-control space vehicle
and that the girl
was a computer.
Yes...
But the other fella told me
that she was your cousin,
Jeannie, from Kansas.
Now, I ask you, major,
if you was me,
which one would you believe?
It's all right, everybody.
I just called cousin Alfred.
He's on his way.
Oh, great.
Cousin Alfred?
What's he, another computer?
No, he's an Air Force
psychiatrist.
Good, because one of us
is gonna need him.
Now, Jeannie... Jeannie,
don't you worry.
After we're married
we'll look back at this
and we'll smile, hm?
Ow! Ooh! Oh! Ooh!
I am sorry.
Won't you sit down?
HOMER: Don't you see that
knocked right off that desk?
It really hurt me.
It did... Right here.
It smarts.
Officer, you forced me
into a situation
I was hoping to avoid.
Oh, what's that?
Roger.
Yes?
Jeannie's got to go.
Yes, sir.
Jeannie's got to go.
Stand back, please.
[GIGGLES]
Yes, since you saw her,
the security of the project
was hopelessly compromised.
I had to press
the destruct button.
Jeannie?
I didn't know genies
had springs.
Look at me when I talk to you.
What's going on, here?
Officer, why have these people
been arrested?
Everything's taken care of, sir.
Not quite.
Colonel, are you really
a psychiatrist?
I am.
Good.
Could you spare me
about an hour?
You see, I...
I think I need help.
Homer, did you find Jeannie?
[WHIMPERING]
I'd rather not talk about it.
[♪]
[♪]
[CHUCKLING] Oh, master.
Oh, Jeannie, stop apologizing.
It's all right.
It's all over.
But master, I caused you
so much trouble.
Forget it.
On second thought, remember it
so you won't do it again.
Oh, yes.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
No.
Yeah...? Oh!
Yes?
Major.
Uh, I'm Carl Tucker,
owner and general manager
of Carl Tucker Cars,
the largest transportation
center in Cocoa Beach.
Are we alone?
TONY: Oh, yes. Yes.
TUCKER: Good.
Uh, you see,
through an oversight,
we sold you your car
for $400 yesterday afternoon.
Yeah, exactly what you paid
for it.
But we put an awful lot
of work on it.
Uh, my service manager
tells me $500.
TONY:
Five hundred dollars?
Yes.
Are you sure we're alone?
Yeah... Oh, yeah. Sure.
TUCKER:
Replace front fender: $129.
Windshield: $92.
Motor mounts: $76...
[MAGIC CHIME]
[METAL GRINDING] What was that?
Well, it sounds like an engine
falling onto the ground.
My car.
Well, look, uh, about this $500,
uh, I... I'm not sure I can...
Forget the bill.
It's not happening.
It's not happening.
It didn't happen yesterday.
It's not happening now.
Forget the bill.
Good day, major.
Well, I... I can mail you
a check.
I don't even want cash.
It's not happening.
It's not happening...
[LAUGHS]
[♪]
Oh, the battery's dead.
Jeannie.
Jeannie.
Say, Jea...
Oh, uh, hi.
Uh, would you blink
into another outfit
and give me a hand out here?
Oh, yes, master.
Right away.
Does that mean
I am going with you?
No, for the last time,
you can't go.
Now, hurry up.
I'm gonna be late.
How often does my very own
master go on television?
Shh!
And with my hair like this,
no one would know who I am.
No! No, Jeannie. That's my final
word on the subject. No.
Look, I'm... I'm a little late.
If you could just help me, huh?
Would you, uh,
turn on the ignition?
I can fix it.
No, no, no.
Uh, the last time you fixed it
I found a camel under here.
Now, just turn on
the ignition, huh?
Which is the ignition?
It's the one, uh, with the key.
[ENGINE STARTS]
Good.
Good. Thanks, Jeannie.
Put your foot on the brake,
will you?
Put your foot on the brake!
Put your...
Jeannie!
No! No!
Not on the gas!
Hey! Hey!
Hey, Harry. How are you?
[TIRES SQUEAL DISTANTLY]
[CRASH]
[JEANNIE SCREAMS]
[NERVOUS LAUGH]
They do not make automobiles
the way they used to.
[♪]
[♪]
[♪]
Look at it! Look at it!
I am sorry, master.
It was an accident.
I've got to get to the studio.
I gotta get to the studio!
Yes, master.
We can't hang around here.
Oh!
Where are we, anyway?
The TV studio.
Oh, thanks, Jeannie.
Well, now that we are here,
shall we go in?
Oh, uh, Major Nelson.
Uh, Amanda.
Yes, darling.
You're my cousin from Kansas.
You're only gonna be
in Cocoa Beach for a day.
And you'll never him again,
got it?
Yes.
Howdy, now, Dr. Bellows.
Just in time
for your rehearsal, major.
I'd like you to meet...
I am his cousin, Jeannie,
from Kansas
who will only be in Cocoa Beach
for one day
so you will never see me again.
Oh.
AMANDA:
This is my cousin, Homer Banks.
He's from out of town too.
Put it there, captain.
Yeah. Major.
Captain, major.
What difference does it make?
We're all on the same team, huh?
Miss, you are as pretty
as a picture.
I'm in siding.
Aluminum siding.
[LAUGHS] Oh, yes.
[CHUCKLES]
AMANDA: Oh, yes.
He's very successful.
As a matter of fact,
he has everything...
except a wife.
And I'm working on that.
Major Nelson,
you and your party
come right on in.
Come along, major.
Uh, but sir...
Oh, no, no. Your public's
waiting. Come along.
Ah, ah, ah.
We don't have to go in yet,
Jeannie.
Why don't us, um, cousins
stay out here for a little while
and chew the fat, huh?
Thank you very much, Mr. Banks...
Oh, Homer, please.
Oh, Homer Please, I, uh,
I would like to go in
and see my master... Um... Um...
Um, my cousin rehearse.
Oh, but there's nothing
to watch.
Besides, you'll see it all
a little later.
Come on. Let me buy you
a cup of coffee.
Oh, well, but Mr. Banks, I...
Homer.
Oh, Mr. Homer,
I do not want any coffee.
Why, sure, you do.
There's nothing like
a hot cup of coffee
to break the ice.
Cream and sugar.
Mr. Homer, please let go
of my hand.
Jeannie, I'm a man of action.
When I find something I like
I never let go, hm?
Hm!
[MAGIC CHIME]
Ooh!
Oh, my hand is stuck.
Jeannie, help me.
Oh, yes, Mr. Homer.
I will send out
some paper towels
so that you may
clean up the mess.
I think she likes me.
[♪]
Excuse me.
Where did you come from?
Oh, uh, Kansas.
I'm cousin Jeannie.
Well, howdy, howdy,
cousin Jeannie. I'm Carl Tucker.
Owner and general manager
of Carl Tucker Cars,
the largest transportation
center in Cocoa Beach.
What can I do for you?
Oh, well, uh, how much
will it cost to fix this car?
Oh, you really like this car,
do you, little lady?
You've got a real eye.
She's one of a kind.
Now, actually, we don't own her.
But we might be able
to persuade the owner
to part with her.
Oh, but Mr. Tucker...
The, uh, damage isn't too bad.
Superficial, really.
Now, by the time
our service department
gets finished with it,
you won't recognize it.
Now, I might be able
to let you have it for, say, uh,
1699.
But Mr...
Sixteen-hundred.
You do not understand.
I am the one
who wrecked the car.
Oh.
Well, in that case, as I say,
the damage may look superficial,
but there are probably
internal injuries.
Internal injuries?
Oh, yes.
The block looks like
it's cracked.
The axle is shot.
Upholstery pretty well beat.
Yes.
And we got the bumpers
bent up pretty good too.
New tires.
New tires?
Uh, windshield.
No windshield.
But how...?
How much will it cost?
Ooh, could run as high as,
say, uh, $500.
Five hundred dollars?
Oh, that is terrible.
You know, miss,
I shouldn't be saying this,
but I like you.
And I want to see you
get a fair shake.
If I were you,
I'd get rid of her.
It's a junk heap.
But who would want
to buy a junk heap?
Four hundred dollars.
As she stands.
And I'll be losing money.
Uh, I do not understand.
You were going to sell the car
to me for $1699.
Look, miss, I want you
to understand something.
Carl Tucker
may not be a rich man,
he may not be a handsome man,
but he's an honest man.
And when I say something
about a car,
you can believe it.
My word is my bond.
Now, I want you
to promise me something.
If you ever catch me
saying anything
about any car on this lot
that isn't true,
you show me,
and I'll be the first one
in the world to admit it.
Promise?
Oh, I promise, Mr. Tucker.
Four hundred dollars.
Now, let me see.
You would give me $400.
And it would cost $500
to repair it.
That means my master
would save $100.
Oh, I will take it.
Oh, you're a shrewd
businesswoman.
Well, now, you'll be needing
a new car, won't you?
Mm.
I'll tell you what.
Look around the lot.
Take as long as you want.
And when you see one you like,
you call me.
And remember,
if you find anything wrong
with any car on this lot,
you show me up for a faker.
Right?
Right.
Oh, what a nice man.
Ooh, with this $400,
I will be able to buy my master
a new car.
How would he ever get along
without me?
[PEOPLE LAUGHING]
HOMER:
And that's kind of a funny
sighting we men
really get a charge out of.
Yeah, but you know,
I'm real disappointed, captain.
I was looking forward to seeing
that cute little filly again.
That cute little filly
trotted back to Kansas.
Well, I may just have to
trot right back there after her.
She really took my fancy.
Ho-ho!
Shh! Quiet, everyone.
It's starting.
And now, On the Spot,
the program that covers
the country
bringing you interviews
with the people
you would most like to see
on the spot.
On the Spot is brought to you
by Carl Tucker Automobiles,
the largest automotive center
in Cocoa Beach.
Hi, folks. Carl Tucker, here.
Owner and general manager
of Carl Tucker Cars,
the largest transportation
center in Cocoa Beach.
Here we are
in our used car division,
one of three separate facilities
offering you everything limos
to fine transportation cars.
So... So whether you've got $100
or $5000 to spend on a car,
you'll find what you're looking
for at Carl Tucker's.
Come on down and see us,
you hear?
Come here.
Hold the cards a little closer.
I don't want to have to squint.
People think you're dishonest
when you squint.
Say, Mr. Tucker,
Yes.
Who's that chick over there?
She's been here all day long
going through every car
on the lot.
Now, you leave her alone.
That chick's my pigeon.
And let me know when it's time
for the next commercial, huh?
Right.
This looks like my master's car.
Well, miss, I can see
you've got good taste.
You sure picked a beauty.
Oh, but Mr. Tucker,
is this not the car...?
It's a shame to call this used.
Clean as the day
she was produced.
Not a mark on her.
I am sure this is
my master's car.
I happen to know this car was
owned by a retired clergyman.
Yes, this is it!
Wha...? Wha...? Wha...?
What happened?
Mr. Tucker, you asked me
to tell you
if you were wrong, and, well,
this is the car that you bought
from me this morning for $400.
Oh, jeez. We made a deal
this morning fair and square.
If you don't like it,
take your business elsewhere?
Oh, but I...
Mr. Tucker,
time for the next commercial.
What happened?
I don't know.
Mr. Tucker?
Mr. Tucker?
Oh.
I think he is trying
to cheat me.
Now, here is a letter
from Frances Gordon of Chicago
to our astronaut, Major Nelson.
She wants to know how thick
is the dust on the moon?
Uh, well, our surveyor program
has shown us
that it's from a few inches
to a few feet.
However, in, uh, several areas
it's strong enough
to support a landing craft.
HOST:
Thank you, major.
There will be more questions
for On the Spot
in a moment,
after this brief pause
for a word from
Carl Tucker Automobiles.
Hm! You come off
real good, major.
You really do.
TUCKER:
Hi, friends. Carl Tucker again.
Owner and general manager
of Carl Tucker Cars,
the largest transportation
facility in Cocoa Beach.
No matter what
you're looking for,
used car, new car,
pickup truck, camper,
we've got them here
at Carl Tucker.
Mr. Tucker,
you told me to tell you
if what you said about a car
was not true.
That looks like your cousin.
Um, no, it couldn't be.
She's back in Kansas.
What...?
TUCKER: You see, folks?
People just can't wait to shop
and then buy at Carl Tucker.
Beat it, lady
We're... We're on camera.
That is your cousin!
Oh, sorry... Sorry.
Sorry. Oh, I'm sorry.
I just had these pants pressed.
Um... Um... Uh, sir, may I change
the channel on that?
I hope you don't mind...
Leave it alone, major.
Homer's right.
Why did you say she went home?
But you were trying to cheat
all those people
who are watching on television.
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]
Get out of here.
Get out of here.
Get out of here.
That is not right.
Well, because it...
It just looks like her, sir.
It's really not her.
You see, the reception
on this thing is terrible.
Isn't it, Roge? Huh?
ROGER:
That's a good picture.
BELLOWS:
What's wrong with you, major?
The reception's fine.
Oh, here's the problem, sir.
It's right here.
[COUGHS]
Major Nelson, why did you
destroy my television set?
Oh, I'm... I'm terribly sorry
about that, sir. I...
I insist we have it repaired
immediately, right, Roge?
What have you done
to Dr. Bellow's television?
[CHUCKLING]
I... I know a place
that stays open on Sundays, sir.
I'll go there right away.
You broke his set!
Oh, that's darling of them,
isn't it, dear?
You know, they really are
very conscientious.
Amanda, they didn't...
That's a shame.
I'm going down to the used
car lot and find Jeannie.
They really are very sweet...
Amanda, they didn't
take the set.
Do you know how much these
commercials cost me a minute?
Well, I'll tell you.
No I won't.
Every second I yell at you,
it costs me money.
Look, hold her.
Don't let her get away.
Come on. Finish.
Awfully sorry about
the interruption, folks,
Before we return you
to our program,
let me show you
a few of Carl Tucker's finest.
Now, the blue books says
this car should sell for $2532.
Our price at Carl Tucker's...
Unfortunately, this car
has already been sold.
Forget the license number.
But there are many more
cars here,
one that'll really suit you.
Anything you need,
right here at Carl Tucker's.
Okay, take this late-model
station wagon.
This car has...
powered doors.
[LAUGHS]
[CHUCKLES]
A little joke, folks.
Always like to try
and keep them laughing
here at Carl Tucker's.
This isn't happening.
This can't be happening.
Now, this is Carl Tucker...
This is Carl Tucker,
owner and general manager
of Carl Tucker Cars,
returning you to... To...
What's the name
of that stupid program?
On the Spot.
And it is not a stupid program.
My master is on it.
Lady, what do I have to do
to get rid of you?
First, you must promise not
to lie about your cars anymore.
I promise, I promise.
Cross my heart and hope to die.
Good. Now I will take
my master's old car back.
Sixteen-hundred and
ninety-nine dollars.
Mr. Tucker.
All right, all right,
whatever you say.
Take it for nothing.
Just go.
Oh, no, that would not be fair.
You paid me $400 for it,
and I will give you $400 back.
Oh, is that not wonderful?
I did it right.
This... This isn't happening,
so it really doesn't
make any difference,
but lady, you drive the car
from the front seat.
Oh, I know.
But you see, I do not know
how to drive.
Makes sense.
Makes perfect sense.
HOMER:
Jeannie!
Jeannie!
Jeannie!
Jeannie! It's me, Homer!
Turn around, turn around,
turn around!
Turn around! Jeannie!
[POLICE SIREN BLARES]
Good afternoon, officer.
Was I speeding?
Lady, why are you
persecuting me?
Oh, I... I do not understand.
It's because I'm a cop, right?
And you just hate cops, huh?
I mean, everybody
hates cops nowadays.
Oh, no, officer,
I do not hate policemen.
Oh, I have great respect
for them.
That is why I was not
driving the car.
Well, I know it is illegal
to drive without a license.
[TIRES SQUEAL DISTANTLY]
Oh, there's my master.
He will explain everything.
Good day, officer.
How are you?
I can explain everything.
I, uh... This... Uh, show him
your ID, will you, Roge?
Okay.
ID.
Master!
Shh!
Did you notice your car?
It is all fixed.
Yeah, it's wonderful.
Wonderful.
And it did not cost anything.
That is the most wonderful
thing.
Mr. Tucker said that...
I heard what Mr. Tucker said.
Uh, what I'm worried about is
what the policeman's gonna say
about a car driving itself.
Oh, master, you do not
have to worry about him.
All I will do is simply go:
N-no, no.
You can't go around blinking out
policemen to Afghanistan.
It's not... not legal.
Not even nice.
Just follow my lead
and don't do anything.
Oh, master,
I would follow you anywhere.
Here's a picture of my mother.
And, uh, here's a picture
of my father,
and here's a picture
of my mother and my father.
I'm waiting, major.
You remember mom?
We're with R&D.
Research and development.
Top secret.
Q clearance.
Just testing
a little project, here.
Uh-huh. How to destroy the
morale of the police department.
[LAUGHS] Yeah.
You see that car?
Looks like an ordinary
automobile, doesn't it?
It's a highly sophisticated
remote-control space device.
We're testing it out on land
before we take it up there.
And I suppose the girl
is a computer, huh?
Shh! How'd you know?
I... I watch television,
same as the next guy.
Yeah, well, we were trying
to get the bugs out of her
when she ran into you earlier.
She's a very complicated
piece of machinery.
Ain't that the truth.
You mean you believe him?
Of course I do.
I mean, uh, the way I see it,
either I believe him
or I'm some kind of a fruitcake.
[PANTING] I thought
I'd never catch you.
Jeannie... Oh, Jeannie,
I've gotta talk to you.
Jeannie?
Who's Jeannie?
This young lady is Jeannie.
And she's the major's cousin
from Kansas.
But officer, I've explained
the situation to you...
I know, I know, I know.
You told me that the car was
a remote-control space vehicle
and that the girl
was a computer.
Yes...
But the other fella told me
that she was your cousin,
Jeannie, from Kansas.
Now, I ask you, major,
if you was me,
which one would you believe?
It's all right, everybody.
I just called cousin Alfred.
He's on his way.
Oh, great.
Cousin Alfred?
What's he, another computer?
No, he's an Air Force
psychiatrist.
Good, because one of us
is gonna need him.
Now, Jeannie... Jeannie,
don't you worry.
After we're married
we'll look back at this
and we'll smile, hm?
Ow! Ooh! Oh! Ooh!
I am sorry.
Won't you sit down?
HOMER: Don't you see that
knocked right off that desk?
It really hurt me.
It did... Right here.
It smarts.
Officer, you forced me
into a situation
I was hoping to avoid.
Oh, what's that?
Roger.
Yes?
Jeannie's got to go.
Yes, sir.
Jeannie's got to go.
Stand back, please.
[GIGGLES]
Yes, since you saw her,
the security of the project
was hopelessly compromised.
I had to press
the destruct button.
Jeannie?
I didn't know genies
had springs.
Look at me when I talk to you.
What's going on, here?
Officer, why have these people
been arrested?
Everything's taken care of, sir.
Not quite.
Colonel, are you really
a psychiatrist?
I am.
Good.
Could you spare me
about an hour?
You see, I...
I think I need help.
Homer, did you find Jeannie?
[WHIMPERING]
I'd rather not talk about it.
[♪]
[♪]
[CHUCKLING] Oh, master.
Oh, Jeannie, stop apologizing.
It's all right.
It's all over.
But master, I caused you
so much trouble.
Forget it.
On second thought, remember it
so you won't do it again.
Oh, yes.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
No.
Yeah...? Oh!
Yes?
Major.
Uh, I'm Carl Tucker,
owner and general manager
of Carl Tucker Cars,
the largest transportation
center in Cocoa Beach.
Are we alone?
TONY: Oh, yes. Yes.
TUCKER: Good.
Uh, you see,
through an oversight,
we sold you your car
for $400 yesterday afternoon.
Yeah, exactly what you paid
for it.
But we put an awful lot
of work on it.
Uh, my service manager
tells me $500.
TONY:
Five hundred dollars?
Yes.
Are you sure we're alone?
Yeah... Oh, yeah. Sure.
TUCKER:
Replace front fender: $129.
Windshield: $92.
Motor mounts: $76...
[MAGIC CHIME]
[METAL GRINDING] What was that?
Well, it sounds like an engine
falling onto the ground.
My car.
Well, look, uh, about this $500,
uh, I... I'm not sure I can...
Forget the bill.
It's not happening.
It's not happening.
It didn't happen yesterday.
It's not happening now.
Forget the bill.
Good day, major.
Well, I... I can mail you
a check.
I don't even want cash.
It's not happening.
It's not happening...
[LAUGHS]
[♪]