I Dream of Jeannie (1965–1970): Season 4, Episode 3 - Tomorrow Is Not Another Day - full transcript
Tony's morning paper doesn't arrive and when Jeannie asks Roger for the date he gives her the wrong one and she accidentally blinks the next day's paper. Tony and Jeannie are then shocked to read that an astronaut will break his leg, but the report doesn't say which one. They then head off to find Roger thinking that it might be him. However, they get an even bigger shock when they find out that Roger has taken the sports section and is using it to make a killing at the track.
[♪]
[DOORBELL CHIMES]
Good morning, Major Healey.
Good morning, Jeannie.
Would you get the newspaper
for me, please?
Oh, sure.
You're just in time
to join us for breakfast.
Oh, it's not there.
Uh, I'm not hungry, Jeannie.
I'd just like a cup of coffee
and some eggs Florentine.
No morning newspaper.
Oh, my master
will be very annoyed.
Well, that should be easy
for you: A newspaper.
Why don't you just
give it the old blink?
[LAUGHING] Oh, of course.
Why did I not think of that?
Uh, what is today's date,
Major Healey?
Uh, today is the 17th.
Mm, 17th.
Very good.
Nice.
Heh.
[♪]
Hi, Tony.
Hi, Roge.
How are you?
You're not dressed?
We're gonna be late for the...
you-know-what.
Excuse me.
Late for the what?
I'm going to Florence
to get your eggs.
To Florence?
What do you have
to go to Floren...?
What are we supposed
not to talk about?
You know, top secret.
Boom, pow.
[LAUGHS]
Top secret. B...
Oh, oh, oh, yeah.
Boom, pow.
You mean the capsule-seat
ejector test.
Shhhhh!
The capsule-seat
ejector test.
NASA let out the news
to all the newspapers.
It's gonna be, um...
It's gonna be tomorrow, Roger.
The 17th.
Tomorrow?
Yeah.
Tomorrow's the 17th?
That's right.
Oh, that's the last time
I buy a calendar watch
with Roman numerals.
Look, we got t...
We've got today off.
Sit down. Have a little
breakfast, huh?
Oh, with a day off,
who wants to?
Listen, I got things to do.
You know, a little... ahem.
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
Good hunting.
Oh, uh, can I borrow
your sports section?
Sure.
Bye.
[♪]
Where's Major Healey, master?
I have his eggs.
Oh, uh, well, he went hunting.
Well, let's see what
the good news is.
Hey, what's this all about?
Hm? What is that, master?
Take a look at the headline.
JEANNIE: "Astronaut
breaks leg in accident."
Yeah.
Well, who broke his leg?
NASA is withholding the name
of the injured astronaut.
Why should they say
such a thing?
They even goofed up on the date.
It's not the...
It's not the 17th.
Today's the 16th.
[COUGHING]
Are you all right?
Jeannie, what's the matter?
[GASPS]
The 16th?
Oh, master, then it will happen.
Well, not to me,
it's not gonna happen.
I don't intend to break my leg
just to make some
phony headline come true.
Oh, but, master,
it is not phony.
It is real.
You are reading
tomorrow's paper.
[♪]
[♪]
[♪]
[COUGHING]
Oh, master, are you all right?
This is tomorrow's paper?
Eh, Jeannie, is this
another one of your tricks?
Oh, no.
No, master, I promise.
I promise.
It was just that this morning
there was no morning newspaper,
and I asked Major Healey
for the date, and...
And he looked at that cockeyed
calendar watch of his,
and told you it was the 17th.
Tomorrow.
Ah, ha, ha, no.
How about that?
Wait, wait, wait. I know.
I will change
tomorrow's newspaper
back to today's.
Wai... Jeannie, that's not
gonna change the facts.
If it's gonna happen,
it's gonna happen.
Ooh, well perhaps.
But I will not let it
happen to you.
Oh...
[LAUGHS]
Hey, Jeannie,
what are you doing?
I'm going to protect you.
Oh, I-I appreciate
what you're doing very much,
but you're forgetting one thing.
What?
Well, the newspaper didn't tell
which astronaut was injured.
It might well be Roger Healey.
Oh, you are right, master.
Poor Major Healey.
You stop that.
He's your friend
as much as mine.
We... You gotta
protect him, Jeannie.
Now let's go.
[SIGHS]
Don't you think it might
be a little conspicuous
if I try to find him
in this, huh?
Perhaps you are right, master.
I will think of something else.
Okay.
Ooh! Oh, no!
Are you all right?
Yeah. I'm okay.
Oh, dear me.
Look, uh, I gotta get dressed.
What?
To save time.
Oh, thanks. Come on.
[GROANS]
Do not run.
What?
Your leg. Your leg.
Yeah, oh, uh,
Roger will probably go
to the base to pick up his mail.
We'll go there first.
I know.
Huh?
Nothing.
Oh.
[MAGIC BOINGS]
[♪]
[GRUNTS]
Is he not beautiful?
No.
He will protect you.
Yeah... oh.
Jeannie, what...?
Well, he's much safer
than a car.
[SCOFFS]
I don't have a license
to drive a camel.
[♪]
Well, Dr. Bellows,
these fitness reports
on Majors Nelson and Healey
are impressive.
Very impressive.
I think you'll find they're both
in top physical condition.
Excellent.
Then I'll get over there now
and, uh,
help them check out that
new cockpit harness equipment.
I'm afraid they're not here,
commander.
I insisted that they stay away
from the base today
to, uh, relax.
Oh, of course. That 24-hour
period before flight time can...
Can be a bind.
Well, you should know,
commander.
Heh. You've been up there
enough times yourself.
What the...?
ROSS: Doctor Bellows?
Are you all right?
Uh, yes, sir.
Except I just saw Major Nelson
arriving in an armored truck.
Oh.
You what?
Incredible, isn't it?
Yes.
Yes.
Mm, it's very incredible.
Uh, Dr. Bellows,
I think when I come back
I would like to look
at your fitness report.
[♪]
The paper.
You wait here.
I'll run in and find Roger.
Oh, please do not run, master.
You may trip.
What if I do?
I hope I trip over Roger.
Don't run!
[♪]
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
M-Major Nelson.
Ah. Good morning, commander.
Ah, I'm in kind of a hurry.
I didn't see you.
You're in a hurry?
Yes. Hope you'll excuse me.
It's kind of urgent.
Excuse me.
Yes, I'll, uh... I'll...
I'll see you tomorrow
at the test.
[♪]
Come in.
Oh, Major Nelson.
Sir, uh, I'm looking for Healey.
It's an emergency.
Emergency?
Is Major Healey in
some kind of trouble?
Well, not yet,
but I, well... I...
The accident
could happen to him.
Of course, the accident
could happen to me.
Accident?
What accident?
I don't know.
It hasn't happened yet.
It hasn't happened yet.
Yes.
Of course.
Well, I'd feel terrible
if I didn't have a chance
to warn him, sir.
Uh, so you'll excuse me.
I-I've gotta go look for him.
Just a minute, major.
Why don't you just lie down
here on the couch?
Huh?
Hm?
Oh, I really would
like to lie down, sir,
but I just don't have time.
It'll only take a minute or two.
I'll just take
your newspaper, huh?
Not my paper.
Calm down, major.
I was only trying to make you
feel more comfortable.
[LAUGHS] Yes, of course, sir.
Believe me, I'd be much more
uncomfortable without this.
Oh?
You feel a sense of security
in holding onto a newspaper,
do you?
No.
Well, uh, with this
particular paper, yes.
[LAUGHS]
How do you feel about magazines?
[LAUGHING] Oh, very good.
Very good.
Uh, doesn't grab you, huh?
Never mind.
Now, tell me, major...
um, you evidently feel that
something's going to happen
to you or Major Healey,
and you feel you can
predict it in advance.
Is that correct?
[BELL RINGS]
Psst, master,
what is taking so long?
Shut up.
I beg your pardon?
Yes. Yes, I think I can.
No one can predict
the future, major.
Um, sir, could we discuss this
at another time?
I really have to talk
to Major Healey.
Uh, Roger's in kind of a...
Major Healey
is perfectly all right.
It's you I'm worried about.
Now, you're just gonna stay
on this couch until you learn
there's no such thing
as clairvoyance.
Premonitions are only
for the ignorant
and the superstitious.
Yes, sir.
Uh... Uh, what would you say,
sir,
if I told you that
I had a premonition
that if you sat on that chair,
it would collapse?
Heh.
It would only prove my point.
It's, uh...
It's brand new chair.
It's, uh, solid oak.
Incredible.
TONY:
Yes.
I'm sorry about this, sir, I-I...
It was just a little...
Eh!
Perhaps if you would, uh,
like to investigate it more,
I could get involved with it.
And, uh, if I had more time,
I could tell you more.
[WHISPERS] Excuse me.
But...
it was a brand new chair.
Hi, Marty.
Look out!
[CRASHING]
Major Nelson!
[SIGHS]
Major.
Hold on, hold on.
I'll, uh... Get an ambulance!
Just move that jeep.
Major, go now!
[MOTOR REVVING]
Are you sure
you're all right, major?
Yes, I'm fine, sir.
Look.
[CLANGING]
I guess I'll be able to take
you for the rest of your tour
around NASA headquarters.
[LAUGHING]
[GRUNTS]
Jeannie, what did you do
to my leg?
Feels like iron.
[LAUGHING] Oh.
Not iron, master.
It is stainless steel.
[♪]
My leg. Oh, my poor leg.
Ow! Ow.
Oh, oh.
Oh, that's enough, Sam.
Oh, the cramp's gone.
I'll get your shoulder here.
Oh.
Oh, yeah, that feels good, Sam.
Oh, yeah.
Major Healey.
Yeah.
I was wondering if you
sometime play the horses.
Oh, I dabble a bit in it,
but nothing serious. Why?
There's a good
hunch bet running today.
Yeah?
Flying Capsule.
Ah.
20-to-1 shot.
Uh, 20-1 and...
Ah! Ooh!
Oh, that's good, Sam.
Oh, that's good.
All right, I'm gonna
jump in the shower.
But look, I got the sports
section in my locker.
I'll, uh, check it out.
Flying Capsule?
That's right.
Yeah, thanks, Sam.
Whoo!
Hot in there.
His housekeeper said
they went to the health club.
Oh, that is good, master.
He should be safe
in a health club.
Oh, yeah? Did you ever try
to pick up a bar of soap
on a slippery
shower-room floor?
[GROANS]
What did he say,
Flying Capsule, huh?
Flying Capsule, let me see.
Flying Capsule.
Eh, must be scratched.
Let me see...
Well, I'll be.
Flying Capsule pays 53.20.
53.20.
Major, find out which race
my hunch is in?
Yeah, I found out,
all right. Hah.
It's in the sixth race, only...
Only yesterday.
Yesterday?
Yeah.
[LAUGHS]
Major, I don't know where
you're getting your information.
That horse didn't run yesterday.
Are you kidding?
There are the results.
Right there.
Look, today's paper.
That says the 17th.
Today's the 16th.
Somebody's putting you on,
major.
Gotta watch it.
Ha, ha. Better watch it.
Uh-oh.
Uh-oh, I gave Jeannie
the wrong date.
Oh, is Tony gonna be mad at me.
Tomorrow's paper.
Tomorrow's paper!
Hi, guys.
Hi.
Tomorrow's paper.
I got tomorrow's paper.
Gotta get there
before the first race.
Oh, am I gonna win.
I'm a winner! Oh, am I.
[♪]
[♪]
Big trouble.
Roger's at the racetrack.
Why are we in trouble, master?
Is a racetrack dangerous?
It is for Roger.
He took the sports section
with him.
Oh. I do not understand.
Roger took the sports section
from the newspaper this morning.
It carries
the racetrack results.
He knows the...
All the winners in advance.
Oh, is that not nice.
He will be able to win
much easier that way.
Yeah, but it's wrong.
It's, uh...
It's like stealing.
What did I do with that key!?
Oh, here.
Oh, I can't let him do it.
Well, we must not forget
about Major Healey
breaking his leg, master.
If anybody finds out
what he's doing,
he'll break his neck.
ANNOUNCER [OVER LOUDSPEAKER]:
And there they go.
Out of the gate,
it's number five, Diane Kaydon.
Number three, Heat Coil.
On the outside, Kissing Cloud
and Blundering Gal.
Down the front stretch
it's number five,
Diane Kaydon by a head.
Heat Coil coming up fast.
Kissing Cloud
and Blundering Gal.
At the first turn...
$300.
300, 310, 20.
$400.
I've got $400.
$400. Could be rich.
Could... be rich.
Who have I got
in the fourth race?
Fourth race, fourth race,
fourth race.
Say, you're having a pretty
good day today, huh, buddy?
Yeah, I would have done better,
but I was late
for the first race.
Yeah, you must have
quite a system.
Who do you like in the fourth?
Fourth race?
Let me see, uh...
Oh, no, you don't.
These are mine.
All mine.
What's the matter with you?
It's only a newspaper.
Yeah, but it's my newspaper.
You can't see it.
[MUTTERING]
What do you think, Al?
[CLICKS TONGUE]
Ah, forget him.
He's just a lucky kook.
Well, who do you like
in the fourth?
I don't know.
Do you see him, huh?
No, master.
Oh, there are so many people.
Yeah, well, I wish I had
a pair of field glasses.
Here, master.
Try this.
What on earth is that?
Oh, good.
[ANNOUNCER TALKING
OVER SPEAKERS]
Do you see him?
Well, I can't tell yet.
There.
Wait a minute.
ANNOUNCER: The horses are
approaching the gate.
There he is. There he is.
Oh!
Come on, let's go.
Let's go.
Oh, I'm terribly sorry.
Would you
hang onto that, please?
Uh, could you please hurry?
I've gotta make my bet
on the next race.
[WHISTLING]
Six, three, six.
Sixth race.
Some kook.
That's four in a row.
You're right.
I don't know what his system is,
but it's good enough for me.
[♪]
First win in 20 tries.
Roger. Roger.
Oh, hi, Jeannie. Hi, Tony.
What are you doing here?
What are you doing here?
[LAUGHING] Oh, I was j...
Just passing through.
Major Healey,
this morning you did not
give me the correct date.
I didn't.
No.
Oh, I mean, I know I didn't.
I mean, I know now
that I didn't,
but I didn't know then that I...
Roger, you only saw
part of tomorrow's newspaper.
Shh!
Take a look at this headline:
[SIGHS]
"Astronaut breaks leg
in accident."
That's probably a misprint.
Probably a typographical
error, right?
Wrong, Major Healey.
I'm afraid anything it says
will happen.
Well, I don't believe it.
You won all your bets,
didn't you?
I believe it.
Let's get outta here.
Wait a minute.
If I'm gonna break my leg
I'm going to need extra dollars
for crutches, nurses, and a...
And a specialist.
Roger, you aren't gonna
go on with this, are you?
That's cheating.
Where's your sense of fair play?
Where was theirs
the last time I was here?
Major Healey,
I have always thought of you
as an honest man.
Right. Right.
Just one more bet.
Too late.
I've got it up here.
Hmph.
A-After you.
Thank you.
Everything on number three,
Flying Capsule.
All on number three,
Flying Capsule.
Roger.
Oh.
Hi, Jeannie. Hi...
Hi, Tony.
You, uh...? You still here, huh?
You ought to be ashamed.
I am ashamed.
But rich.
ANNOUNCER:
And there they go.
Out of the starting gate...
Well, I guess I'll go
and cash these in. Ha-ha.
Well, the race just started.
Well, why wait till
the last minute?
On second thought, I'll go
and watch my money finish.
[CLEARS THROAT]
[SIGHS]
How do you get
into these things?
What do you mean,
"How do I get in... "?
What are you talking about,
"How do I get into... "?
Did you see...?
Come on.
ANNOUNCER: Approaching the
first turn, it's Action Gal,
Hayburner and number three,
Flying Capsule,
coming up fast on the inside.
In through the back stretch,
it's number two,
Action Gal, by a length,
number three,
Flying Capsule, a head,
Hayburner and Brilliant Pass.
[CROWD YELLING
INDISTINCTLY]
Around the far turn
it's number three,
Flying Capsule by a head,
number two, Action Gal,
Hayburner and Brilliant Pass.
Into the home stretch
it's number three a length
and number two.
It's number three
by two lengths.
Come on, number three.
Number three!
And the winner is number three,
Flying...
No, no, correction.
Number eight.
The winner is number eight,
George Says.
Number eight?
Number eight.
Number eight?
The newspaper said three.
What happened?
Oh, well, perhaps it was
a typographical error
on my part.
And you call yourself
a newspaper woman.
[LAUGHS]
Thanks a lot, pal.
Wait a minute, Jeannie,
what about the other people
who bet on three?
It's not fair for them.
Oh.
You are right, master.
I did not think of that.
Yeah.
[MAGIC BOINGS]
Come on. We got other things
to think about.
You got other things.
I lost $50,000.
No, I'm talking about
the broken leg.
You talk about a broken leg...
ANNOUNCER:
Correction. Correction.
Do not destroy your tickets.
In the sixth race,
the winner is number three.
Number three, Flying Capsule.
My tickets.
My tickets.
[♪]
[ALL YELLING INDISTINCTLY]
Roger.
Roger.
Roger!
Roger!
[ROGER YELLING]
Here, hold this.
I lost. I lost.
I had my ticket.
I lost the race.
Hey, I lost my coat!
ROGER:
Ah...
Thanks, Gary.
Thanks, fellas.
Thank you.
I wonder if a broken leg
hurts much.
Tony?
Yeah?
I'd like to say, I...
I hope it's me instead of you.
Thanks, Roge.
But I can't.
I hope it's you instead of me.
Thanks, Roge.
Master?
Oh!
Oh, please let me
help you, master.
Yeah, why don't you
let her help?
Get out of here. Get out right now.
Oh, but...
Roger, even if she could help,
it wouldn't be right.
What I mean is, if...
If there's a defect
in the ejection seat,
we've gotta find out
what it is, right?
Oh.
A broken leg isn't too much
to suffer for the project.
Thank you, gentlemen.
[GASPS]
[WHISPERS] Thanks.
Ah! Hot, hot, hot.
Oh, ooh, ooh.
What in the world
is going on here?
Uh, good luck, Roge.
Yeah, break a leg.
What'd you say?
Oh, "break a leg."
That's show biz talk
for "good luck." Ha, ha. Ha.
Oh, It's funny that you
should mention that.
As you know, Commander Ross
was specifically selected
to head this new project.
Yes, we look forward
to working with him.
He slipped on the gantry ladder
and, uh...
And broke his leg.
Yes. It just...
How did you know?
Yeah, how did you know?
Well...
One of your premonitions?
Yes, that was it.
Remarkable.
[LAUGHING] Yeah.
Oh, uh, Major Nelson,
would you, uh, step over here
for a minute, please?
You see, uh, Amanda just
called me and told me
that, uh, a friend of hers
called her and said
that there's a... A horse
running tomorrow
at the racetrack.
At the racetrack?
Yes.
Uh, she didn't
tell me what race.
Oh, yes, she did.
In the fifth race.
[♪]
[LAUGHS]
Boy, am I exhausted.
Poor, rich, poor.
Oh, I will fix you both
a nice hot lunch,
and that will revive you.
Oh, by the way, Jeannie,
the paper come this morning?
Oh, it did not come
again today, master.
Why don't you just blink one up?
Let me see, the day is the 19th.
Nineteenth.
Ooh, uh, wait a minute. Hold it.
No, nice try, Roger.
Today is the 18th.
So I made a mistake.
Haven't you ever made a mistake?
[LAUGHS]
Here you are. The 18th.
Thank you.
Let me see that.
[SIGHS]
It's the 18th, all right.
But it's next year's paper.
Give me that.
Here, give it to me.
Just give let me have
the stock market reports.
[BOTH SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
[♪]
[♪]
[DOORBELL CHIMES]
Good morning, Major Healey.
Good morning, Jeannie.
Would you get the newspaper
for me, please?
Oh, sure.
You're just in time
to join us for breakfast.
Oh, it's not there.
Uh, I'm not hungry, Jeannie.
I'd just like a cup of coffee
and some eggs Florentine.
No morning newspaper.
Oh, my master
will be very annoyed.
Well, that should be easy
for you: A newspaper.
Why don't you just
give it the old blink?
[LAUGHING] Oh, of course.
Why did I not think of that?
Uh, what is today's date,
Major Healey?
Uh, today is the 17th.
Mm, 17th.
Very good.
Nice.
Heh.
[♪]
Hi, Tony.
Hi, Roge.
How are you?
You're not dressed?
We're gonna be late for the...
you-know-what.
Excuse me.
Late for the what?
I'm going to Florence
to get your eggs.
To Florence?
What do you have
to go to Floren...?
What are we supposed
not to talk about?
You know, top secret.
Boom, pow.
[LAUGHS]
Top secret. B...
Oh, oh, oh, yeah.
Boom, pow.
You mean the capsule-seat
ejector test.
Shhhhh!
The capsule-seat
ejector test.
NASA let out the news
to all the newspapers.
It's gonna be, um...
It's gonna be tomorrow, Roger.
The 17th.
Tomorrow?
Yeah.
Tomorrow's the 17th?
That's right.
Oh, that's the last time
I buy a calendar watch
with Roman numerals.
Look, we got t...
We've got today off.
Sit down. Have a little
breakfast, huh?
Oh, with a day off,
who wants to?
Listen, I got things to do.
You know, a little... ahem.
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
Good hunting.
Oh, uh, can I borrow
your sports section?
Sure.
Bye.
[♪]
Where's Major Healey, master?
I have his eggs.
Oh, uh, well, he went hunting.
Well, let's see what
the good news is.
Hey, what's this all about?
Hm? What is that, master?
Take a look at the headline.
JEANNIE: "Astronaut
breaks leg in accident."
Yeah.
Well, who broke his leg?
NASA is withholding the name
of the injured astronaut.
Why should they say
such a thing?
They even goofed up on the date.
It's not the...
It's not the 17th.
Today's the 16th.
[COUGHING]
Are you all right?
Jeannie, what's the matter?
[GASPS]
The 16th?
Oh, master, then it will happen.
Well, not to me,
it's not gonna happen.
I don't intend to break my leg
just to make some
phony headline come true.
Oh, but, master,
it is not phony.
It is real.
You are reading
tomorrow's paper.
[♪]
[♪]
[♪]
[COUGHING]
Oh, master, are you all right?
This is tomorrow's paper?
Eh, Jeannie, is this
another one of your tricks?
Oh, no.
No, master, I promise.
I promise.
It was just that this morning
there was no morning newspaper,
and I asked Major Healey
for the date, and...
And he looked at that cockeyed
calendar watch of his,
and told you it was the 17th.
Tomorrow.
Ah, ha, ha, no.
How about that?
Wait, wait, wait. I know.
I will change
tomorrow's newspaper
back to today's.
Wai... Jeannie, that's not
gonna change the facts.
If it's gonna happen,
it's gonna happen.
Ooh, well perhaps.
But I will not let it
happen to you.
Oh...
[LAUGHS]
Hey, Jeannie,
what are you doing?
I'm going to protect you.
Oh, I-I appreciate
what you're doing very much,
but you're forgetting one thing.
What?
Well, the newspaper didn't tell
which astronaut was injured.
It might well be Roger Healey.
Oh, you are right, master.
Poor Major Healey.
You stop that.
He's your friend
as much as mine.
We... You gotta
protect him, Jeannie.
Now let's go.
[SIGHS]
Don't you think it might
be a little conspicuous
if I try to find him
in this, huh?
Perhaps you are right, master.
I will think of something else.
Okay.
Ooh! Oh, no!
Are you all right?
Yeah. I'm okay.
Oh, dear me.
Look, uh, I gotta get dressed.
What?
To save time.
Oh, thanks. Come on.
[GROANS]
Do not run.
What?
Your leg. Your leg.
Yeah, oh, uh,
Roger will probably go
to the base to pick up his mail.
We'll go there first.
I know.
Huh?
Nothing.
Oh.
[MAGIC BOINGS]
[♪]
[GRUNTS]
Is he not beautiful?
No.
He will protect you.
Yeah... oh.
Jeannie, what...?
Well, he's much safer
than a car.
[SCOFFS]
I don't have a license
to drive a camel.
[♪]
Well, Dr. Bellows,
these fitness reports
on Majors Nelson and Healey
are impressive.
Very impressive.
I think you'll find they're both
in top physical condition.
Excellent.
Then I'll get over there now
and, uh,
help them check out that
new cockpit harness equipment.
I'm afraid they're not here,
commander.
I insisted that they stay away
from the base today
to, uh, relax.
Oh, of course. That 24-hour
period before flight time can...
Can be a bind.
Well, you should know,
commander.
Heh. You've been up there
enough times yourself.
What the...?
ROSS: Doctor Bellows?
Are you all right?
Uh, yes, sir.
Except I just saw Major Nelson
arriving in an armored truck.
Oh.
You what?
Incredible, isn't it?
Yes.
Yes.
Mm, it's very incredible.
Uh, Dr. Bellows,
I think when I come back
I would like to look
at your fitness report.
[♪]
The paper.
You wait here.
I'll run in and find Roger.
Oh, please do not run, master.
You may trip.
What if I do?
I hope I trip over Roger.
Don't run!
[♪]
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
M-Major Nelson.
Ah. Good morning, commander.
Ah, I'm in kind of a hurry.
I didn't see you.
You're in a hurry?
Yes. Hope you'll excuse me.
It's kind of urgent.
Excuse me.
Yes, I'll, uh... I'll...
I'll see you tomorrow
at the test.
[♪]
Come in.
Oh, Major Nelson.
Sir, uh, I'm looking for Healey.
It's an emergency.
Emergency?
Is Major Healey in
some kind of trouble?
Well, not yet,
but I, well... I...
The accident
could happen to him.
Of course, the accident
could happen to me.
Accident?
What accident?
I don't know.
It hasn't happened yet.
It hasn't happened yet.
Yes.
Of course.
Well, I'd feel terrible
if I didn't have a chance
to warn him, sir.
Uh, so you'll excuse me.
I-I've gotta go look for him.
Just a minute, major.
Why don't you just lie down
here on the couch?
Huh?
Hm?
Oh, I really would
like to lie down, sir,
but I just don't have time.
It'll only take a minute or two.
I'll just take
your newspaper, huh?
Not my paper.
Calm down, major.
I was only trying to make you
feel more comfortable.
[LAUGHS] Yes, of course, sir.
Believe me, I'd be much more
uncomfortable without this.
Oh?
You feel a sense of security
in holding onto a newspaper,
do you?
No.
Well, uh, with this
particular paper, yes.
[LAUGHS]
How do you feel about magazines?
[LAUGHING] Oh, very good.
Very good.
Uh, doesn't grab you, huh?
Never mind.
Now, tell me, major...
um, you evidently feel that
something's going to happen
to you or Major Healey,
and you feel you can
predict it in advance.
Is that correct?
[BELL RINGS]
Psst, master,
what is taking so long?
Shut up.
I beg your pardon?
Yes. Yes, I think I can.
No one can predict
the future, major.
Um, sir, could we discuss this
at another time?
I really have to talk
to Major Healey.
Uh, Roger's in kind of a...
Major Healey
is perfectly all right.
It's you I'm worried about.
Now, you're just gonna stay
on this couch until you learn
there's no such thing
as clairvoyance.
Premonitions are only
for the ignorant
and the superstitious.
Yes, sir.
Uh... Uh, what would you say,
sir,
if I told you that
I had a premonition
that if you sat on that chair,
it would collapse?
Heh.
It would only prove my point.
It's, uh...
It's brand new chair.
It's, uh, solid oak.
Incredible.
TONY:
Yes.
I'm sorry about this, sir, I-I...
It was just a little...
Eh!
Perhaps if you would, uh,
like to investigate it more,
I could get involved with it.
And, uh, if I had more time,
I could tell you more.
[WHISPERS] Excuse me.
But...
it was a brand new chair.
Hi, Marty.
Look out!
[CRASHING]
Major Nelson!
[SIGHS]
Major.
Hold on, hold on.
I'll, uh... Get an ambulance!
Just move that jeep.
Major, go now!
[MOTOR REVVING]
Are you sure
you're all right, major?
Yes, I'm fine, sir.
Look.
[CLANGING]
I guess I'll be able to take
you for the rest of your tour
around NASA headquarters.
[LAUGHING]
[GRUNTS]
Jeannie, what did you do
to my leg?
Feels like iron.
[LAUGHING] Oh.
Not iron, master.
It is stainless steel.
[♪]
My leg. Oh, my poor leg.
Ow! Ow.
Oh, oh.
Oh, that's enough, Sam.
Oh, the cramp's gone.
I'll get your shoulder here.
Oh.
Oh, yeah, that feels good, Sam.
Oh, yeah.
Major Healey.
Yeah.
I was wondering if you
sometime play the horses.
Oh, I dabble a bit in it,
but nothing serious. Why?
There's a good
hunch bet running today.
Yeah?
Flying Capsule.
Ah.
20-to-1 shot.
Uh, 20-1 and...
Ah! Ooh!
Oh, that's good, Sam.
Oh, that's good.
All right, I'm gonna
jump in the shower.
But look, I got the sports
section in my locker.
I'll, uh, check it out.
Flying Capsule?
That's right.
Yeah, thanks, Sam.
Whoo!
Hot in there.
His housekeeper said
they went to the health club.
Oh, that is good, master.
He should be safe
in a health club.
Oh, yeah? Did you ever try
to pick up a bar of soap
on a slippery
shower-room floor?
[GROANS]
What did he say,
Flying Capsule, huh?
Flying Capsule, let me see.
Flying Capsule.
Eh, must be scratched.
Let me see...
Well, I'll be.
Flying Capsule pays 53.20.
53.20.
Major, find out which race
my hunch is in?
Yeah, I found out,
all right. Hah.
It's in the sixth race, only...
Only yesterday.
Yesterday?
Yeah.
[LAUGHS]
Major, I don't know where
you're getting your information.
That horse didn't run yesterday.
Are you kidding?
There are the results.
Right there.
Look, today's paper.
That says the 17th.
Today's the 16th.
Somebody's putting you on,
major.
Gotta watch it.
Ha, ha. Better watch it.
Uh-oh.
Uh-oh, I gave Jeannie
the wrong date.
Oh, is Tony gonna be mad at me.
Tomorrow's paper.
Tomorrow's paper!
Hi, guys.
Hi.
Tomorrow's paper.
I got tomorrow's paper.
Gotta get there
before the first race.
Oh, am I gonna win.
I'm a winner! Oh, am I.
[♪]
[♪]
Big trouble.
Roger's at the racetrack.
Why are we in trouble, master?
Is a racetrack dangerous?
It is for Roger.
He took the sports section
with him.
Oh. I do not understand.
Roger took the sports section
from the newspaper this morning.
It carries
the racetrack results.
He knows the...
All the winners in advance.
Oh, is that not nice.
He will be able to win
much easier that way.
Yeah, but it's wrong.
It's, uh...
It's like stealing.
What did I do with that key!?
Oh, here.
Oh, I can't let him do it.
Well, we must not forget
about Major Healey
breaking his leg, master.
If anybody finds out
what he's doing,
he'll break his neck.
ANNOUNCER [OVER LOUDSPEAKER]:
And there they go.
Out of the gate,
it's number five, Diane Kaydon.
Number three, Heat Coil.
On the outside, Kissing Cloud
and Blundering Gal.
Down the front stretch
it's number five,
Diane Kaydon by a head.
Heat Coil coming up fast.
Kissing Cloud
and Blundering Gal.
At the first turn...
$300.
300, 310, 20.
$400.
I've got $400.
$400. Could be rich.
Could... be rich.
Who have I got
in the fourth race?
Fourth race, fourth race,
fourth race.
Say, you're having a pretty
good day today, huh, buddy?
Yeah, I would have done better,
but I was late
for the first race.
Yeah, you must have
quite a system.
Who do you like in the fourth?
Fourth race?
Let me see, uh...
Oh, no, you don't.
These are mine.
All mine.
What's the matter with you?
It's only a newspaper.
Yeah, but it's my newspaper.
You can't see it.
[MUTTERING]
What do you think, Al?
[CLICKS TONGUE]
Ah, forget him.
He's just a lucky kook.
Well, who do you like
in the fourth?
I don't know.
Do you see him, huh?
No, master.
Oh, there are so many people.
Yeah, well, I wish I had
a pair of field glasses.
Here, master.
Try this.
What on earth is that?
Oh, good.
[ANNOUNCER TALKING
OVER SPEAKERS]
Do you see him?
Well, I can't tell yet.
There.
Wait a minute.
ANNOUNCER: The horses are
approaching the gate.
There he is. There he is.
Oh!
Come on, let's go.
Let's go.
Oh, I'm terribly sorry.
Would you
hang onto that, please?
Uh, could you please hurry?
I've gotta make my bet
on the next race.
[WHISTLING]
Six, three, six.
Sixth race.
Some kook.
That's four in a row.
You're right.
I don't know what his system is,
but it's good enough for me.
[♪]
First win in 20 tries.
Roger. Roger.
Oh, hi, Jeannie. Hi, Tony.
What are you doing here?
What are you doing here?
[LAUGHING] Oh, I was j...
Just passing through.
Major Healey,
this morning you did not
give me the correct date.
I didn't.
No.
Oh, I mean, I know I didn't.
I mean, I know now
that I didn't,
but I didn't know then that I...
Roger, you only saw
part of tomorrow's newspaper.
Shh!
Take a look at this headline:
[SIGHS]
"Astronaut breaks leg
in accident."
That's probably a misprint.
Probably a typographical
error, right?
Wrong, Major Healey.
I'm afraid anything it says
will happen.
Well, I don't believe it.
You won all your bets,
didn't you?
I believe it.
Let's get outta here.
Wait a minute.
If I'm gonna break my leg
I'm going to need extra dollars
for crutches, nurses, and a...
And a specialist.
Roger, you aren't gonna
go on with this, are you?
That's cheating.
Where's your sense of fair play?
Where was theirs
the last time I was here?
Major Healey,
I have always thought of you
as an honest man.
Right. Right.
Just one more bet.
Too late.
I've got it up here.
Hmph.
A-After you.
Thank you.
Everything on number three,
Flying Capsule.
All on number three,
Flying Capsule.
Roger.
Oh.
Hi, Jeannie. Hi...
Hi, Tony.
You, uh...? You still here, huh?
You ought to be ashamed.
I am ashamed.
But rich.
ANNOUNCER:
And there they go.
Out of the starting gate...
Well, I guess I'll go
and cash these in. Ha-ha.
Well, the race just started.
Well, why wait till
the last minute?
On second thought, I'll go
and watch my money finish.
[CLEARS THROAT]
[SIGHS]
How do you get
into these things?
What do you mean,
"How do I get in... "?
What are you talking about,
"How do I get into... "?
Did you see...?
Come on.
ANNOUNCER: Approaching the
first turn, it's Action Gal,
Hayburner and number three,
Flying Capsule,
coming up fast on the inside.
In through the back stretch,
it's number two,
Action Gal, by a length,
number three,
Flying Capsule, a head,
Hayburner and Brilliant Pass.
[CROWD YELLING
INDISTINCTLY]
Around the far turn
it's number three,
Flying Capsule by a head,
number two, Action Gal,
Hayburner and Brilliant Pass.
Into the home stretch
it's number three a length
and number two.
It's number three
by two lengths.
Come on, number three.
Number three!
And the winner is number three,
Flying...
No, no, correction.
Number eight.
The winner is number eight,
George Says.
Number eight?
Number eight.
Number eight?
The newspaper said three.
What happened?
Oh, well, perhaps it was
a typographical error
on my part.
And you call yourself
a newspaper woman.
[LAUGHS]
Thanks a lot, pal.
Wait a minute, Jeannie,
what about the other people
who bet on three?
It's not fair for them.
Oh.
You are right, master.
I did not think of that.
Yeah.
[MAGIC BOINGS]
Come on. We got other things
to think about.
You got other things.
I lost $50,000.
No, I'm talking about
the broken leg.
You talk about a broken leg...
ANNOUNCER:
Correction. Correction.
Do not destroy your tickets.
In the sixth race,
the winner is number three.
Number three, Flying Capsule.
My tickets.
My tickets.
[♪]
[ALL YELLING INDISTINCTLY]
Roger.
Roger.
Roger!
Roger!
[ROGER YELLING]
Here, hold this.
I lost. I lost.
I had my ticket.
I lost the race.
Hey, I lost my coat!
ROGER:
Ah...
Thanks, Gary.
Thanks, fellas.
Thank you.
I wonder if a broken leg
hurts much.
Tony?
Yeah?
I'd like to say, I...
I hope it's me instead of you.
Thanks, Roge.
But I can't.
I hope it's you instead of me.
Thanks, Roge.
Master?
Oh!
Oh, please let me
help you, master.
Yeah, why don't you
let her help?
Get out of here. Get out right now.
Oh, but...
Roger, even if she could help,
it wouldn't be right.
What I mean is, if...
If there's a defect
in the ejection seat,
we've gotta find out
what it is, right?
Oh.
A broken leg isn't too much
to suffer for the project.
Thank you, gentlemen.
[GASPS]
[WHISPERS] Thanks.
Ah! Hot, hot, hot.
Oh, ooh, ooh.
What in the world
is going on here?
Uh, good luck, Roge.
Yeah, break a leg.
What'd you say?
Oh, "break a leg."
That's show biz talk
for "good luck." Ha, ha. Ha.
Oh, It's funny that you
should mention that.
As you know, Commander Ross
was specifically selected
to head this new project.
Yes, we look forward
to working with him.
He slipped on the gantry ladder
and, uh...
And broke his leg.
Yes. It just...
How did you know?
Yeah, how did you know?
Well...
One of your premonitions?
Yes, that was it.
Remarkable.
[LAUGHING] Yeah.
Oh, uh, Major Nelson,
would you, uh, step over here
for a minute, please?
You see, uh, Amanda just
called me and told me
that, uh, a friend of hers
called her and said
that there's a... A horse
running tomorrow
at the racetrack.
At the racetrack?
Yes.
Uh, she didn't
tell me what race.
Oh, yes, she did.
In the fifth race.
[♪]
[LAUGHS]
Boy, am I exhausted.
Poor, rich, poor.
Oh, I will fix you both
a nice hot lunch,
and that will revive you.
Oh, by the way, Jeannie,
the paper come this morning?
Oh, it did not come
again today, master.
Why don't you just blink one up?
Let me see, the day is the 19th.
Nineteenth.
Ooh, uh, wait a minute. Hold it.
No, nice try, Roger.
Today is the 18th.
So I made a mistake.
Haven't you ever made a mistake?
[LAUGHS]
Here you are. The 18th.
Thank you.
Let me see that.
[SIGHS]
It's the 18th, all right.
But it's next year's paper.
Give me that.
Here, give it to me.
Just give let me have
the stock market reports.
[BOTH SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
[♪]
[♪]