I Dream of Jeannie (1965–1970): Season 4, Episode 21 - Jeannie for the Defense - full transcript
Tony gets caught in a speed trap and then becomes victim of a hit-and-run scam in a small town where Roger and he go fishing. Jeannie comes to the rescue.
[♪]
[SIREN BLARES]
Can I see your license, please.
What's the problem, officer?
No problem,
except you were going 30 miles
an hour in a 20-mile zone.
Twenty-mile zone?
We didn't see any sign.
It's right on that
"Welcome to Clarkston" sign,
plain as the nose on your face.
Where is the
"Welcome to Clarkston" sign?
Right behind that big oak tree.
The fine will be $25.
Wouldn't it be easier
to just put up a toll gate?
Couldn't do that, son.
That wouldn't be legal.
You can just mail it in,
or you can hang around here
for a week
if you want to plead not guilty.
No, thanks. No, thanks.
Any place I can get
some gas around here?
Yeah, I guess old Ev's open.
Ninety-five cents
a gallon for gas.
Ninety-five cents
a gallon?
But he gives trading stamps.
Trading stamps?
Shut up, Roger.
Thank you, officer.
[♪]
Sorry.
Who tapped us, Thelma?
Strangers, Edgar.
We're in luck.
[GROANING]
[SCREAMS]
You maniacs!
You hot rodders!
Just look what you've done
to my husband.
Lady, I barely touched the car.
What happened, Thelma?
It was them.
They just came barreling
right into us.
Barreling into you?
Wait a minute,
that's an out-and-out lie.
Cool it, Roge,
let's get out of this burg.
Hold on, son.
I don't know how you do things
in the big city,
but in Clarkston,
we don't hit and run.
You're under arrest.
[♪]
Master?
Master?
[RINGS]
Major Nelson's office.
Hello, this is Dr. Bellows.
May I speak
to Major Nelson, please.
Who is this?
This is...
This is Sergeant Wiggins.
Do you know where
Major Nelson is, please?
That's what I want to know.
Didn't you say you were
in his office?
Yes, but he is not here.
Do you know where he is?
He went on a fishing trip
with Major Healey,
but they should've
been back yesterday.
Have him call me
as soon as you hear from him.
Yes, sir.
And you have him call me
as soon as you hear from him.
Sergeant...
is Major Nelson in the habit
of reporting to you?
No, sir.
But I would like him to be.
Peculiar.
[♪]
Officer, this is a frame-up.
That man wasn't hurt.
Well, we'll let
the judge decide that.
Wait a minute, I demand
a writ of habeas corpus.
Cool it, Roge.
You're gonna make it worse.
Don't worry,
I can handle these hicks.
And furthermore,
[SPEAKING LATIN]
All right now,
what's that supposed to mean?
It means all of Gaul
is divided into three parts.
He took
high-school Latin.
Now, you watch it, boy.
We don't cotton no foreigners
around these parts.
Inside.
Not you.
He was driving the car.
Wait a minute, he's my buddy.
Where he goes, I go.
Suit yourself.
I thought you wanted to go
where he goes.
I just did, and I hated it.
I'll probably be able to
handle things out here better.
I'll call Jeannie.
I don't want Jeannie.
I want some justice.
Officer,
I believe I have a right
to be brought up
in front of a judge.
All right,
now just hold on, son.
You can't go hitting and running
at 8:00 in the morning,
and expect folks to be
standing around waiting on you.
Soon as Elroy gets up
and gets hisself some breakfast,
why, we'll take you up
before him.
Now you...
Don't you leave town.
You're a material witness.
Why don't you
let me call Jeannie?
She'll get you out with a blink.
No, Jeannie will just
make things worse, Roger.
I'll be out of here, like that,
as soon as I see the judge
and tell him what happened.
Especially after he takes a look
at that phony victim.
[GROANING]
That's impossible.
There is nothing wrong
with that man.
Order in the court.
Now...
In the case of
Crawford v. Nelson,
trial is set for 10 a.m.
tomorrow morning.
Bail will be $100.
Court is adjourned.
You had your breakfast yet, Sam?
Yep, but I'll stop and
jaw with you a bit, Elroy.
Your honor, I don't have $100.
I've got $29.95.
Well, I guess you'll have to
enjoy our hospitality
until tomorrow.
How about my watch, here.
It must be worth at least $100.
It tells the date, the time,
and the rela...
Relative humidity.
Real pretty.
About the only thing
it don't tell is the time.
It must have been broken
in the accident.
Roger!
Take him away, Joe.
By the way, son. You're allowed
one phone call. Local.
Thank you, sir, thank you.
Who would I want to call
in this town?
You could call me,
I'll be at the hotel.
I'd love to hear from you.
Don't help me anymore,
I don't need your help!
I don't need your help!
Wait a minute...
[♪]
Thank you, thank you.
Oh, boy.
[SLURRING] Hi, pal. I didn't...
I didn't know I had company.
Hey, do you play checkers?
Yeah, I play checkers.
I knew it.
I knew it.
Everybody plays checkers.
Doesn't anybody drink anymore?
[♪]
Hello, Dr. Bellows?
Major Healey?
Where have you
and Major Nelson been?
In jail?
For a speeding ticket?
Major Healey,
unlike outer space,
there are speed limits
on the ground
which even astronauts
are to obey.
In all my years of driving,
I have never received a ticket.
And that is because I am
cautious and defensive
behind the wheel.
Not one ticket, major,
in over 20 years.
An insurance fraud, eh?
All right.
Tell me where you are and
I'll be out there for the trial.
Clarkston?
Where is that?
Never mind,
I'll find it on the map.
See you at a quarter
to 10:00, sir.
Right, sir.
We'll be waiting for you.
Major Healey,
where is my master?
I'll be through in a minute,
ma'am.
No, sir. Just a woman waiting
outside looking for her master.
Yes, sir. In court.
See you in court.
Yes, sir, goodbye.
What are you doing here?
Where is my master,
Major Healey?
I know he is in trouble.
I must know where he is.
I'll tell you anything
you want, but that outfit...
This is a small town,
the people can be stuffy.
In fact, I'm feeling
a little stuffy myself.
I understand.
Something for a small town.
Even in that outfit Clarkston
isn't ready for you.
We better get out of here.
Darling, we can't go on
meeting this way.
[♪]
Oh, master, forgive me
for not getting here sooner.
What are you doing here?
What are you do...?
Don't tell me, I know.
Bigmouth Roger.
Do not be angry
with Major Healey, master.
He did not wish to tell me,
but I threatened to turn him
into a toad.
If he was any kind of friend
he'd be sitting on a lily pad
keeping his mouth shut.
TONY: I want you to go home.
Right now, immediately.
JEANNIE: No, master, I will
not go home without you.
It makes me cry to see you
in a dirty old jail cell.
They'll never believe this
at AA.
Jeannie...
Go home,
and take everything with you.
Welcome home, master.
Well, you said everything.
Yeah, I didn't mean me.
Or him.
I hope this hallucination
has a liquor cabinet.
Jeannie, you get us back
in that cell right now.
But you're innocent.
I know it.
Yes, I know it too,
but I got to prove it in court.
Now get us
back there right away.
Nothing in there but
a one room apartment.
Poor man.
Jeannie!
I'm doing it.
One thing at a time.
Jeannie...
For heaven's sakes, Jeannie!
Master, just because you have
to be in jail for one day
does not mean
you cannot be comfortable.
Yeah, quit bugging her.
Just relax.
Jeannie, I want you to get
everything out of here,
except him and me.
Everything, everything.
I am not appreciated.
Boy, she sure takes you
at your word, doesn't she?
Jeannie, the bars.
The bars, put back the bars!
That's what this country needs,
more bars.
Jeannie.
Would you let me in, please.
Sorry, pal,
I already got a roommate.
Mr. Cashman,
this whole thing is a fraud.
You've got to get Tony out.
Tony, Tony.
This is your lawyer.
He is going to get you...
Out?
Let me in, let me in.
You city fellas sure do things
different, don't you?
Norman, I demand my rights.
Would you ask the sheriff
to stop putting me
in here with drunks.
He's no drunk, Tommy.
That would be easy.
No, he's a
hit-and-run driver.
I'll be lucky to get him off
with five years.
This court will come to order.
Sit down.
We're going
to take up the matter
of the People v. Nelson.
Is the prosecution ready?
Ready, Your Honor.
Is the defense ready?
I protest, Your Honor.
This trial was scheduled
for 10:00.
Why are we starting
an hour earlier?
I'm sorry about that, son,
but you see,
Sam over there has to go
crawdad fishing at 3.
But my lawyer and my material
witness aren't here yet, sir.
Joe...
Joe!
Go get Norman out of bed.
I can't help your witness, son
but don't fret about Norman.
He never was one
for getting places on time.
What about Dr. Bellows?
He'll never make it now.
Oh, yeah.
Jeannie, come here.
Go find Dr. Bellows,
speed him up.
Yes, master. At once.
No!
Not that way.
Don't blink,
just walk out normally.
Oh, yes, master.
Anything you say.
About time, Norman.
I'm sorry, Elroy.
Mildred's got a bug
and I had to take the kids
to school.
I haven't even
had breakfast yet.
Hi, Sam.
Morning, Norm.
Morning, Thelma
Suffering catfish, Edgar.
Is this what that
city slicker did to you?
Your Honor, I object.
You can't object yet.
Trial ain't even started yet.
But he's supposed
to be my lawyer.
Fella's right, Norman.
ELROY: You can't go around
showing partiality, you know.
Sorry, Elroy,
I mean, Your Honor.
It's just that I had no idea.
Well, just go on over
to your client.
Do I have to?
'Fraid so.
Disgrace.
Just disgrace.
Mr. Cashman, you're supposed
to be defending me.
Relax, I'm always at my best
when I got
a really hopeless case.
ELROY:
Is the defense prepared?
What's your plan of action?
You'll see.
I got a couple of real slick
legal maneuvers up my sleeve.
Good, good.
Watch this.
Your Honor, we plead guilty
and throw ourselves
on the mercy of the court.
Now wait a minute!
That's a slick maneuver,
all right.
[♪]
Now I want to be sure
I understand you, young fella.
You want to dismiss Norman here?
Yes, sir. I don't feel he has
my best interests at heart.
Okay, Norman, you're relieved.
You can go home
and have your breakfast now.
Thanks, Elroy.
Frankly, pal,
I think you did right.
I never could beat Sam,
over there.
Not since I married
his sister, anyway.
Well, good luck, Edgar.
Thelma.
See you home for dinner, Sam.
Mildred's making a pot roast.
Well, son, that leaves you
without a lawyer.
If it please the court,
I'd like to represent myself.
Yes.
Now, one more disturbance like
that and I'll clear the court.
Sam, let's get on with this.
Call your first witness.
[WEEPING]
What about Dr. Bellows?
He is coming, Master.
I did just what you said.
Good, good.
What'd I say?
You asked Jeannie
to speed him up.
And that is exactly what I did.
Okay, now, Thelma, you tell us
what you saw in your own words.
I'll try, Sam.
Just take your time, Thelma.
Thank you, Elroy.
That man there...
Call me Tony.
Sorry, Elroy. Excuse me, Sam.
Go on, Thelma.
You making fun in my court, son?
No, Your Honor,
I just felt left out.
You go on with
your testifying, Thelma.
Well, Edgar and I were sitting
in the front seat of the car...
[BLUBBERING]
I see, yes.
If he sees, I'm going blind.
[♪]
Okay now, Burt, you...
You tell us what you saw.
I seen exactly what Thelma did.
There you are, Elroy,
a corroborating witness.
No further questions.
TONY:
Well, I have some.
What exactly did you see?
Like I said, I seen
what Thelma seen.
I didn't understand one word
of what Thelma saw.
You better start
paying attention, son.
You're on trial here, you know.
Your honor, I insist...
Look, I gotta go, Elroy.
Ain't nobody watching
the highway.
You're excused, Burt.
Is that bad?
Ha!
[♪]
[HORN HONKS]
Now, Major Healey...
we drove into
the gasoline station...
We drove into this
gasoline station...
And there was
already a car there.
And there was another car
already there.
Major Healey, would you wait
until I phrase my question?
I will wait until
you phrase the question.
Thank you.
Would you say
I struck his car very hard
with my car?
I'm sorry,
I don't understand that.
Would you say that I struck
his car very hard with my car?
You struck his car
very hard with your car.
How hard did we strike his car?
We hit it?
He was driving.
All right.
How hard would you say
I struck his car?
Oh, oh...
Just barely.
Good, good,
now we're getting somewhere.
Then that poor devil over there
starts screaming and crying
and yelling,
and then you said,
"Let's get out of this burg."
Your Honor, I object.
You can't object.
He's your own witness.
I'm beginning to wonder.
If it please the court,
may I treat Major Healy
as a hostile witness?
Go right ahead, son.
Thank you, Your Honor.
No further questions.
You idiot!
Excuse me,
if you'll excuse me, sir.
How was I?
Where is Dr. Bellows?
I do not know, master.
Shall I...
No, no.
Your Honor,
may I request a recess
until my medical witness
arrives.
Request denied.
In that case, Your Honor,
I'll have to change
my plea to guilty.
There's only one person
in this courtroom
who could prove my innocence,
and it's that man.
TONY: And he seems very conveniently
prevented from testifying.
[MAGIC BOINGS]
[♪]
Edgar! Oh, honey!
Edgar...
Are you all right?
Did you break anything?
No, I'm fine, thanks.
[LAUGHING]
Your Honor, the defense rests.
Elroy, I swear I knew nothing
about this sneaky little
business here,
and I intend to bring charges
against Edgar here
for attempted fraud.
Oh, knock it off, Sam.
We can't win them all.
Case dismissed.
You just couldn't wait,
could you?
You just had to be
a wheelchair hot rodder...
Something tells me he's really
gonna need that wheelchair
when she gets through with him.
It's really gonna be great
to breathe free air again.
Free? I still have
to pay my hotel bill.
Let us go home, master.
I have prepared
a great victory celebration.
No, no, Jeannie.
No celebrations.
I've had enough...
Major Nelson.
I don't know how to explain
to you what happened.
I was driving along
when all of a sudden
the car went berserk.
Sure it did, colonel.
That car just up
and took off by itself.
But that's exactly
what happened.
[♪]
[♪]
[SIREN BLARES]
Can I see your license, please.
What's the problem, officer?
No problem,
except you were going 30 miles
an hour in a 20-mile zone.
Twenty-mile zone?
We didn't see any sign.
It's right on that
"Welcome to Clarkston" sign,
plain as the nose on your face.
Where is the
"Welcome to Clarkston" sign?
Right behind that big oak tree.
The fine will be $25.
Wouldn't it be easier
to just put up a toll gate?
Couldn't do that, son.
That wouldn't be legal.
You can just mail it in,
or you can hang around here
for a week
if you want to plead not guilty.
No, thanks. No, thanks.
Any place I can get
some gas around here?
Yeah, I guess old Ev's open.
Ninety-five cents
a gallon for gas.
Ninety-five cents
a gallon?
But he gives trading stamps.
Trading stamps?
Shut up, Roger.
Thank you, officer.
[♪]
Sorry.
Who tapped us, Thelma?
Strangers, Edgar.
We're in luck.
[GROANING]
[SCREAMS]
You maniacs!
You hot rodders!
Just look what you've done
to my husband.
Lady, I barely touched the car.
What happened, Thelma?
It was them.
They just came barreling
right into us.
Barreling into you?
Wait a minute,
that's an out-and-out lie.
Cool it, Roge,
let's get out of this burg.
Hold on, son.
I don't know how you do things
in the big city,
but in Clarkston,
we don't hit and run.
You're under arrest.
[♪]
Master?
Master?
[RINGS]
Major Nelson's office.
Hello, this is Dr. Bellows.
May I speak
to Major Nelson, please.
Who is this?
This is...
This is Sergeant Wiggins.
Do you know where
Major Nelson is, please?
That's what I want to know.
Didn't you say you were
in his office?
Yes, but he is not here.
Do you know where he is?
He went on a fishing trip
with Major Healey,
but they should've
been back yesterday.
Have him call me
as soon as you hear from him.
Yes, sir.
And you have him call me
as soon as you hear from him.
Sergeant...
is Major Nelson in the habit
of reporting to you?
No, sir.
But I would like him to be.
Peculiar.
[♪]
Officer, this is a frame-up.
That man wasn't hurt.
Well, we'll let
the judge decide that.
Wait a minute, I demand
a writ of habeas corpus.
Cool it, Roge.
You're gonna make it worse.
Don't worry,
I can handle these hicks.
And furthermore,
[SPEAKING LATIN]
All right now,
what's that supposed to mean?
It means all of Gaul
is divided into three parts.
He took
high-school Latin.
Now, you watch it, boy.
We don't cotton no foreigners
around these parts.
Inside.
Not you.
He was driving the car.
Wait a minute, he's my buddy.
Where he goes, I go.
Suit yourself.
I thought you wanted to go
where he goes.
I just did, and I hated it.
I'll probably be able to
handle things out here better.
I'll call Jeannie.
I don't want Jeannie.
I want some justice.
Officer,
I believe I have a right
to be brought up
in front of a judge.
All right,
now just hold on, son.
You can't go hitting and running
at 8:00 in the morning,
and expect folks to be
standing around waiting on you.
Soon as Elroy gets up
and gets hisself some breakfast,
why, we'll take you up
before him.
Now you...
Don't you leave town.
You're a material witness.
Why don't you
let me call Jeannie?
She'll get you out with a blink.
No, Jeannie will just
make things worse, Roger.
I'll be out of here, like that,
as soon as I see the judge
and tell him what happened.
Especially after he takes a look
at that phony victim.
[GROANING]
That's impossible.
There is nothing wrong
with that man.
Order in the court.
Now...
In the case of
Crawford v. Nelson,
trial is set for 10 a.m.
tomorrow morning.
Bail will be $100.
Court is adjourned.
You had your breakfast yet, Sam?
Yep, but I'll stop and
jaw with you a bit, Elroy.
Your honor, I don't have $100.
I've got $29.95.
Well, I guess you'll have to
enjoy our hospitality
until tomorrow.
How about my watch, here.
It must be worth at least $100.
It tells the date, the time,
and the rela...
Relative humidity.
Real pretty.
About the only thing
it don't tell is the time.
It must have been broken
in the accident.
Roger!
Take him away, Joe.
By the way, son. You're allowed
one phone call. Local.
Thank you, sir, thank you.
Who would I want to call
in this town?
You could call me,
I'll be at the hotel.
I'd love to hear from you.
Don't help me anymore,
I don't need your help!
I don't need your help!
Wait a minute...
[♪]
Thank you, thank you.
Oh, boy.
[SLURRING] Hi, pal. I didn't...
I didn't know I had company.
Hey, do you play checkers?
Yeah, I play checkers.
I knew it.
I knew it.
Everybody plays checkers.
Doesn't anybody drink anymore?
[♪]
Hello, Dr. Bellows?
Major Healey?
Where have you
and Major Nelson been?
In jail?
For a speeding ticket?
Major Healey,
unlike outer space,
there are speed limits
on the ground
which even astronauts
are to obey.
In all my years of driving,
I have never received a ticket.
And that is because I am
cautious and defensive
behind the wheel.
Not one ticket, major,
in over 20 years.
An insurance fraud, eh?
All right.
Tell me where you are and
I'll be out there for the trial.
Clarkston?
Where is that?
Never mind,
I'll find it on the map.
See you at a quarter
to 10:00, sir.
Right, sir.
We'll be waiting for you.
Major Healey,
where is my master?
I'll be through in a minute,
ma'am.
No, sir. Just a woman waiting
outside looking for her master.
Yes, sir. In court.
See you in court.
Yes, sir, goodbye.
What are you doing here?
Where is my master,
Major Healey?
I know he is in trouble.
I must know where he is.
I'll tell you anything
you want, but that outfit...
This is a small town,
the people can be stuffy.
In fact, I'm feeling
a little stuffy myself.
I understand.
Something for a small town.
Even in that outfit Clarkston
isn't ready for you.
We better get out of here.
Darling, we can't go on
meeting this way.
[♪]
Oh, master, forgive me
for not getting here sooner.
What are you doing here?
What are you do...?
Don't tell me, I know.
Bigmouth Roger.
Do not be angry
with Major Healey, master.
He did not wish to tell me,
but I threatened to turn him
into a toad.
If he was any kind of friend
he'd be sitting on a lily pad
keeping his mouth shut.
TONY: I want you to go home.
Right now, immediately.
JEANNIE: No, master, I will
not go home without you.
It makes me cry to see you
in a dirty old jail cell.
They'll never believe this
at AA.
Jeannie...
Go home,
and take everything with you.
Welcome home, master.
Well, you said everything.
Yeah, I didn't mean me.
Or him.
I hope this hallucination
has a liquor cabinet.
Jeannie, you get us back
in that cell right now.
But you're innocent.
I know it.
Yes, I know it too,
but I got to prove it in court.
Now get us
back there right away.
Nothing in there but
a one room apartment.
Poor man.
Jeannie!
I'm doing it.
One thing at a time.
Jeannie...
For heaven's sakes, Jeannie!
Master, just because you have
to be in jail for one day
does not mean
you cannot be comfortable.
Yeah, quit bugging her.
Just relax.
Jeannie, I want you to get
everything out of here,
except him and me.
Everything, everything.
I am not appreciated.
Boy, she sure takes you
at your word, doesn't she?
Jeannie, the bars.
The bars, put back the bars!
That's what this country needs,
more bars.
Jeannie.
Would you let me in, please.
Sorry, pal,
I already got a roommate.
Mr. Cashman,
this whole thing is a fraud.
You've got to get Tony out.
Tony, Tony.
This is your lawyer.
He is going to get you...
Out?
Let me in, let me in.
You city fellas sure do things
different, don't you?
Norman, I demand my rights.
Would you ask the sheriff
to stop putting me
in here with drunks.
He's no drunk, Tommy.
That would be easy.
No, he's a
hit-and-run driver.
I'll be lucky to get him off
with five years.
This court will come to order.
Sit down.
We're going
to take up the matter
of the People v. Nelson.
Is the prosecution ready?
Ready, Your Honor.
Is the defense ready?
I protest, Your Honor.
This trial was scheduled
for 10:00.
Why are we starting
an hour earlier?
I'm sorry about that, son,
but you see,
Sam over there has to go
crawdad fishing at 3.
But my lawyer and my material
witness aren't here yet, sir.
Joe...
Joe!
Go get Norman out of bed.
I can't help your witness, son
but don't fret about Norman.
He never was one
for getting places on time.
What about Dr. Bellows?
He'll never make it now.
Oh, yeah.
Jeannie, come here.
Go find Dr. Bellows,
speed him up.
Yes, master. At once.
No!
Not that way.
Don't blink,
just walk out normally.
Oh, yes, master.
Anything you say.
About time, Norman.
I'm sorry, Elroy.
Mildred's got a bug
and I had to take the kids
to school.
I haven't even
had breakfast yet.
Hi, Sam.
Morning, Norm.
Morning, Thelma
Suffering catfish, Edgar.
Is this what that
city slicker did to you?
Your Honor, I object.
You can't object yet.
Trial ain't even started yet.
But he's supposed
to be my lawyer.
Fella's right, Norman.
ELROY: You can't go around
showing partiality, you know.
Sorry, Elroy,
I mean, Your Honor.
It's just that I had no idea.
Well, just go on over
to your client.
Do I have to?
'Fraid so.
Disgrace.
Just disgrace.
Mr. Cashman, you're supposed
to be defending me.
Relax, I'm always at my best
when I got
a really hopeless case.
ELROY:
Is the defense prepared?
What's your plan of action?
You'll see.
I got a couple of real slick
legal maneuvers up my sleeve.
Good, good.
Watch this.
Your Honor, we plead guilty
and throw ourselves
on the mercy of the court.
Now wait a minute!
That's a slick maneuver,
all right.
[♪]
Now I want to be sure
I understand you, young fella.
You want to dismiss Norman here?
Yes, sir. I don't feel he has
my best interests at heart.
Okay, Norman, you're relieved.
You can go home
and have your breakfast now.
Thanks, Elroy.
Frankly, pal,
I think you did right.
I never could beat Sam,
over there.
Not since I married
his sister, anyway.
Well, good luck, Edgar.
Thelma.
See you home for dinner, Sam.
Mildred's making a pot roast.
Well, son, that leaves you
without a lawyer.
If it please the court,
I'd like to represent myself.
Yes.
Now, one more disturbance like
that and I'll clear the court.
Sam, let's get on with this.
Call your first witness.
[WEEPING]
What about Dr. Bellows?
He is coming, Master.
I did just what you said.
Good, good.
What'd I say?
You asked Jeannie
to speed him up.
And that is exactly what I did.
Okay, now, Thelma, you tell us
what you saw in your own words.
I'll try, Sam.
Just take your time, Thelma.
Thank you, Elroy.
That man there...
Call me Tony.
Sorry, Elroy. Excuse me, Sam.
Go on, Thelma.
You making fun in my court, son?
No, Your Honor,
I just felt left out.
You go on with
your testifying, Thelma.
Well, Edgar and I were sitting
in the front seat of the car...
[BLUBBERING]
I see, yes.
If he sees, I'm going blind.
[♪]
Okay now, Burt, you...
You tell us what you saw.
I seen exactly what Thelma did.
There you are, Elroy,
a corroborating witness.
No further questions.
TONY:
Well, I have some.
What exactly did you see?
Like I said, I seen
what Thelma seen.
I didn't understand one word
of what Thelma saw.
You better start
paying attention, son.
You're on trial here, you know.
Your honor, I insist...
Look, I gotta go, Elroy.
Ain't nobody watching
the highway.
You're excused, Burt.
Is that bad?
Ha!
[♪]
[HORN HONKS]
Now, Major Healey...
we drove into
the gasoline station...
We drove into this
gasoline station...
And there was
already a car there.
And there was another car
already there.
Major Healey, would you wait
until I phrase my question?
I will wait until
you phrase the question.
Thank you.
Would you say
I struck his car very hard
with my car?
I'm sorry,
I don't understand that.
Would you say that I struck
his car very hard with my car?
You struck his car
very hard with your car.
How hard did we strike his car?
We hit it?
He was driving.
All right.
How hard would you say
I struck his car?
Oh, oh...
Just barely.
Good, good,
now we're getting somewhere.
Then that poor devil over there
starts screaming and crying
and yelling,
and then you said,
"Let's get out of this burg."
Your Honor, I object.
You can't object.
He's your own witness.
I'm beginning to wonder.
If it please the court,
may I treat Major Healy
as a hostile witness?
Go right ahead, son.
Thank you, Your Honor.
No further questions.
You idiot!
Excuse me,
if you'll excuse me, sir.
How was I?
Where is Dr. Bellows?
I do not know, master.
Shall I...
No, no.
Your Honor,
may I request a recess
until my medical witness
arrives.
Request denied.
In that case, Your Honor,
I'll have to change
my plea to guilty.
There's only one person
in this courtroom
who could prove my innocence,
and it's that man.
TONY: And he seems very conveniently
prevented from testifying.
[MAGIC BOINGS]
[♪]
Edgar! Oh, honey!
Edgar...
Are you all right?
Did you break anything?
No, I'm fine, thanks.
[LAUGHING]
Your Honor, the defense rests.
Elroy, I swear I knew nothing
about this sneaky little
business here,
and I intend to bring charges
against Edgar here
for attempted fraud.
Oh, knock it off, Sam.
We can't win them all.
Case dismissed.
You just couldn't wait,
could you?
You just had to be
a wheelchair hot rodder...
Something tells me he's really
gonna need that wheelchair
when she gets through with him.
It's really gonna be great
to breathe free air again.
Free? I still have
to pay my hotel bill.
Let us go home, master.
I have prepared
a great victory celebration.
No, no, Jeannie.
No celebrations.
I've had enough...
Major Nelson.
I don't know how to explain
to you what happened.
I was driving along
when all of a sudden
the car went berserk.
Sure it did, colonel.
That car just up
and took off by itself.
But that's exactly
what happened.
[♪]
[♪]