I Dream of Jeannie (1965–1970): Season 4, Episode 20 - The Case of the Porcelain Puppy - full transcript
When Jeannie learns a new spell to turn things to porcelain, Jeannie accidentally turns her dog Djinn-Djinn to porcelain.
[♪]
Jeannie, where...?
Where's my hat?
Hm?
Oh, it is in the dining room,
master, with your briefcase.
Oh. Whoops.
Hey, what are you reading?
Oh, it... It is called
The Genie Journal, master.
[LAUGHING] The Genie Journal?
It is a special magazine
written just for genies.
It has recipes
and new techniques,
where to eat in Beirut,
that sort of thing.
Well, I've never seen it
around here before.
Oh, well, Mother sent this one.
You see, it has a large section
on how to find a new master.
Yeah, she was always known
for her subtlety.
Uh, look, I'll be home
around 6:00 tonight,
so you don't have to do
any fancy cooking.
So I'll...
Oh, uh, no, I don't want
a big breakfast.
I'll just settle
on some fruit, Jeannie.
Oh...
Oh!
Uh, what's going on, here?
This fruit was fresh yesterday.
I just bought it.
Master, I am so sorry.
You see, there's a new recipe
in The Genie Journal
that tells how to turn
organic material
into porcelain.
And I was, uh...
I was trying it out.
[LAUGHS] Yeah, well,
I've bitten
into wax fruit before
but this is ridiculous.
Oh, I'm sorry, master.
Here's a fresh apple.
Oh, thanks.
Do me a favor, will you?
Warn me before you try out
any new recipes on me.
Oh, yes, master.
I'll see you tonight.
Have a nice day, master.
[DOOR OPENS]
[♪]
Hello, Dr. Bellows.
Oh, hello, major.
Where's Major Nelson?
He'll be right along, sir.
About Saturday night. Could you
get somebody to replace me?
Oh, that's out of the question.
Roger. Sir.
Oh, uh, good morning, major.
Have you got that report?
Oh, yes, sir.
Right here.
Something the matter, major?
Oh, no, no. Fine, fine.
[SNICKERS]
[♪]
[♪]
Tony, where...? Where...?
Where did you buy your hat?
Major Nelson, this is pottery.
Yeah, porcelain, actually, sir.
A porcelain hat?
Oh, Tony, you should know
better than that.
Regulations say a hat
should be made of wool or twill.
BELLOWS:
That'll do, major.
Well, Major Nelson?
Well, sir?
Well?
Well? Oh, yes. Uh, well, uh, the
explanation is very simple, sir.
Simple?
Yes, very simple.
How simple?
Hm? Oh, well, I've taken up
pottery, sir.
Very relaxing.
You really ought to try it.
All right.
I'll accept that.
It's no more ridiculous than
some of your other explanations.
However, in the future
I'd appreciate very much
if you'd confine
your potting to pots.
Of course, sir.
Now, if you'll
give me your report,
I'll leave you
to clean up that mess.
Uh, well, there are a few things
I'd like to add to it...
I'm sorry, major, but Washington
expects that report immediately.
I understand, uh,
it's in your briefcase.
Yes, that's correct, sir.
Well?
[CLEARS THROAT]
Would you mind, uh,
stepping back, please?
Would you, Roger, step back?
Here's the report, sir.
Your report is in pottery.
Porcelain.
Uh, like the Babylonians, sir.
If you remember,
some of their records
lasted for thousands of years
on porcelain,
or crockery, or pottery, or...
Yes. Thank you.
[CHUCKLES]
[WHIMPERS]
Boy, turning your briefcase
into pottery?
Man, that's dumb.
That's dumb. That's dumb.
What do you want me
to turn it into?
It's not dumb. Jeannie was just
trying out a spell
she read in a genie magazine.
Yeah, but porcelain?
How about gold?
Yeah, well, who would want
a gold briefcase?
Yeah, who would want
a gold briefcase? Who...?
A gold briefcase?
Yeah, you're right.
How about a gold suitcase?
Wait a minute, how about
a gold steam iron?
How about a steam...?
Come on.
Jeannie, I'm home.
JEANNIE:
Do not come in yet, master.
Yeah, she's probably fixing
your frozen porcelain dinner.
Oh...
Frozen porcelain dinner.
You get it?
Just a little...
Jeannie?
Jeannie!
[DOG BARKS]
He's back.
What's back?
Djinn Djinn, the invisible dog.
It's the invisible dog.
He's back.
[DOG GROWLING]
Ah! My shoe!
[TONY GRUNTS]
[GROWLING]
[BOTH STUTTERING
INDISTINCTLY]
Djinn Djinn! Djinn Djinn!
Stop it immediately.
Get it away, get it away.
Stop it, Djinn Djinn!
Ooh... Ah...!
Master, you should get it.
You shouldn't have come in
with your uniform on.
You know how uniforms upset him.
What am I supposed to do?
Do a striptease on the porch?
[SCREAMS] Well, of course not.
I was gonna blink you both
out of uniform.
Oh, oh, puppy.
[TONY SCREAMING]
Poor baby. Come on.
[SCREAMING] Come on.
[DJINN DJINN GROWLING]
Just stop him!
Wait a minute!
Would you two mind arguing
about it after you blinked?
Oh, of course.
Yeah...
Jeannie, where's the dog?
Where's the dog?
Oh!
[DJINN DJINN WHIMPERS]
Oh, darling little Djinn Djinn.
Pet him so that he will know
that you are happy to see him.
I don't want to pet him.
I'm not happy to see him.
[BARKS] Ah!
I'm delighted to see him.
Me too. I'm happy... Happy.
Oh, I'm happy.
How long is the little fella
gonna be staying with us?
Oh, not very long, master.
But you must remember to stay
out of uniform while he is here.
Yeah, we can both wear
our summer porcelains. Ha-ha-ha.
Coffee's almost ready, dear.
Thanks.
What in the world is that?
Well, oddly enough, it's one
of Major Nelson's reports.
For some unknown reason,
he did it on pottery.
Just like the Rosetta Stone.
Hm.
Here, let me see it.
Oh, Amanda, please.
I have to mail that
to Washington.
Oh, that reminds me. I must put
that in a box marked "fragile."
Oh, this is very interesting.
But it's... It's not really
like pottery.
It's more like fine oriental
porcelain.
Oh, Amanda, don't be ridiculous.
He says he just took it up
as a new hobby.
Well, then, he's a genius.
Remember last year when I took
that Art Appreciation course?
Well, Dr. Farber, he showed us
some fine oriental porcelain.
And darling, this is exactly
the same quality.
Oh, Amanda, what are you doing?
I'm calling Major Nelson.
Well, what for?
What for?
Because I want to see
the rest of his work
that's what for.
What...? Oh, fine, four,
yes, five...
[DJINN DJINN GROWLING]
[LAUGHING]
Come on, Djinn Djinn.
Sic him! Sic him, Djinn Djinn!
Get him, get him, get him!
[DJINN DJINN BARKS]
[GRUNTS]
[LAUGHS]
[ALL GROAN]
Come on, Djinn Djinn.
Get him, Djinn Djinn. Get him.
Come on, Djinn Djinn.
[SCREAMS]
[LAUGHS]
What's the idea
of the invisible bit?
I didn't even have
my uniform on.
Oh, well, master,
sometimes he disappears
when he gets excited.
[RINGS]
Hello? Yeah, he's right here.
It's kind of unnerving to...
Oh, hello Mrs. Bellows.
No, no, this is Major Healey.
How are you?
Oh, fine. Fine, thanks.
Oh, no, just come over any time.
No problem at all. Right.
Goodbye.
Uh, Roger, who is it?
Oh, that's the Bellows'.
Mrs. Bellows wants to come over
and see the rest of your pots.
What do you mean
she's coming here?
Well, you told Bellows you were
taking up pottery as a hobby.
I couldn't very well tell him
Jeannie made all that crockery.
That shouldn't be too hard. Just
show him Jeannie's crockery.
TONY:
That's a good idea.
Jeannie, uh, get to the garage
and turn it into a workshop.
Uh, put in a potter's wheel
and spread some crockery around.
Instantly, master.
TONY:
Wait a minute, I'm not finished.
Uh, don't make the crockery
too good.
You know, make it kind of
amateurish-looking, okay?
What are you waiting for?
Are you finished yet?
Yes, I am.
Oh.
Wait a min...! The dog!
The dog! The dog!
Quick! Djinn Djinn!
Djinn Djinn?
Djinn Djinn, Djinn Djinn,
[DJINN DJINN BARKS]
Oh, there he is.
Oh, come on, Djinn Djinn.
Come on, baby.
[DJINN DJINN WHIMPERS]
Ooh, there we go.
[GROWLS] Oh, look out.
Give him... Give him
his towel.
All right. Take the towel.
Give him the towel.
Take the towel.
Yes, take all the towels.
Now?
Now.
Oh, boy.
[CHUCKLES] Yeah.
Thank goodness your head
isn't porcelain.
Oh, well.
There you are, Djinn Djinn.
Now, let us see.
[SIGHS] There.
[CLUCKS TONGUE]
I am ashamed
to do such shoddy work.
But that is what
my master wants.
That is what he wants...
Oh!
[DJINN DJINN BARKS]
Djinn Djinn, no, no, no,
you naughty dog.
Now. Now, go on.
Go on.
I am doing important work
for my master.
Go on.
[BARKS]
[SIGHS]
All right, now. Let me see.
[SIGHS]
Ooh.
Ugly. Hm.
Let me see, now.
Here.
Whoo! Terrible.
Oh, dear.
I do not want Mrs. Bellows
to think
my master is a complete amateur.
I will do something
just a little special.
[GIGGLES]
Let's see if I can remember
the recipe.
Right eye. Left eye.
Both eyes... twice.
[CHUCKLES]
Oh! Oh, my goodness.
My poor little Djinn Djinn.
What did I do?
It did not work.
Do not worry. Do not worry.
The Genie Journal.
There must be an antidote.
Okay, let me see.
Let us see.
What does it say?
Oh, dear.
Oh, here it is. Yes.
Let's see. Hm.
"Homemaking ideas,
new spells for old porc..."
Oh, dear.
Well, there's no recipe
for turning things back.
Do not worry, Djinn Djinn.
I will go home to...
To Baghdad and ask Mama.
Or... Or Haji, or...
Someone.
Oh, thank you, major.
Uh, did you make these too?
Oh, no, no, no.
I only took up pottery because
Dr. Bellows said that, uh,
doing something with your hands
would be relaxing.
Well, there's no need
to go to extremes, major.
In the future,
I'd like your reports
to be on plain,
Government Issue paper.
Oh, Alfred, don't be such
a fuddy-duddy.
It... It's perfectly obvious
that Major Nelson is an artiste.
Oh, major, may I see
the rest of your things?
I'm really very excited
about all this.
I don't want you
to be disappointed.
My stuff's pretty crude.
Oh, major,
you're much too modest.
Uh, the crockery is ready.
Huh?
Oh, good. Uh, right this way,
please.
Amanda.
Thank you, dear.
I'm really very excited
about this.
I know.
Now, if you...
If you see anything you like,
just tell me and I'll make you
a present of it.
Thank you very much, major.
Well, it's all very nice.
It's just, uh...
it's not quite
what I'd expected.
Yeah, well, I tried to keep
the crude approach, you know?
Like... Like this one. It's
a kind of a simplistic form.
I think you've succeeded, major.
Uh, Amanda,
have you seen enough?
Yes, I have, darling.
Thank you very much, major.
It's, uh, all been very
interesting.
Oh, all right.
Oh, uh, Major Nelson,
I like this very much.
May I see it?
Yes, well, this is
the crude form I've been...
What is that?
No, darling, come look
at this beautiful little dog.
Huh?
Oh, yeah.
Well, that... That's just
a little dog I whipped up.
It's been a... A pleasure
having you here.
And I... I'm sure...
Oh, this is exactly
what I was looking for, major.
Darling, look at this.
Isn't that exquisite?
Where did that come from?
I don't know.
It was there when I got here.
What do you mean?
I told Jeannie to keep it crude.
Pull this thing off.
What are you doing with this
on your hand?
Just pull it.
Look at the detail, Alfred.
The intricate craftsmanship.
It's so lifelike.
Major?
Yes?
Major, you know,
you said if I... If I really
found something that I like
that I could have it?
Yes.
Well, I like this.
Huh?
Uh, well... Uh, now...
Dr. Bellows.
Wait a minute, wait a minute!
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
It fits your hand.
I'll take this, huh?
Roger...
Jeannie?
Jeannie?
TONY:
Jeannie?
Jeannie?
Excuse me, Roger.
Jeannie, come on out.
Jeannie... Jeannie?
Jeannie, come on out, please.
We gotta find that dog.
What are you worrying about?
Mrs. Bellows will probably
put it on her knickknack shelf
and that'll be that.
Yeah!
And in a matter of hours,
I'll be the master potter
of the space agency.
I'd sure like to have the
concession on all this stuff.
I know what. Uh, tomorrow
we'll go to Mrs. Bellows' house
and we'll smash it.
What?
Smash it!
Boy, you sure don't take pride
in your work.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Oh, excuse me, doctor.
I think that's them.
Oh, hello, Mrs. Bellows.
Hello, Major Nelson.
Major Healey, won't you
come in, please?
There's someone
I want you to meet.
Right this way. Please.
Major... majors, rather,
I would like you to meet, uh,
Dr. Farber.
This is Major Nelson
and Major Healey.
He is an authority
on fine oriental porcelain.
How do you do, sir?
Is this the one?
He's the one.
I want to ask you
about the porcelain dog.
TONY:
Oh, that little dog, sir?
Oh, just something I whipped up.
Yeah, it's pretty.
Heavy too.
Pretty heavy.
BOTH:
Ooh!
Good heavens!
What are you doing?
Oh, just clumsy.
I'll hold it, sir.
Please be careful.
Yes.
You're holding
one of the most
valuable porcelains
in the entire world.
What, this is valuable?
Mm.
Oh, now, I'm afraid not, sir.
Uh, I... It's the first effort
of a rank amateur.
All right, major.
You can drop it now.
Huh?
I said you can drop it.
Well, if that's
what you want, Mrs. Bellows...
What is the matter with you two?
Well, she told him to drop it.
Not the dog.
The pretense.
Major, you did not
make this dog.
I didn't?
Not unless
you're Lum Chung Sing,
the finest maker of porcelain
in the 15th century.
And this is his masterpiece.
The Peking Dog.
The finest example
of the potted art.
Uh, no, sir. I...
I made that dog.
Not in a thousand years
could this be duplicated.
I made the dog, didn't I, Roger?
Didn't you see me make it, huh?
What about that tablet
with the report on it?
I suppose that
was 15th century too.
Doctor, I must admit
I am a bit confused.
I'm afraid I made the dog, sir.
Anybody can make a mistake.
Uh, that's not worth
the time it takes to smash it.
Major! Major, please!
It's worth more than a quarter
of a million dollars.
A quarter of a million dollars?
This?
Oh, come on...
Oh!
[♪]
No!
[SCREAMS]
Oh, oh, oh!
Mrs. Bellows, please,
let me have it.
It's for a museum.
No, no, no. No museum.
No, he gave it to me.
Wait, wait...
Oh, please, don't break it.
No!
Oh!
[LAUGHS]
That's it. Yeah.
What's going on, here?
[ALL ARGUE INDISTINCTLY]
???
What's going on, here?
[ALL ARGUE INDISTINCTLY]
What's the matter with you?
I'll take care of this.
Do you mind?
I'm keeping the dog until
this thing is straightened out
and I'm putting it
in a safe place.
In the NASA vault.
[ALL ARGUE INDISTINCTLY]
I never ask any favor before.
I'm asking. Just let me be...
I've never been near a quarter
of a million dollars before.
Oh, Roger, will you get off
your knees? You're embarrassing.
Somebody's gotta be here
in case Jeannie comes back.
I left a note for her at home
telling her to meet me here.
What am I supposed to tell her?
Tell her to smash that dog.
Oh, no, don't smash it.
I'm sorry, Roger.
It's the only way out, Roge.
Wait a minute.
What if she doesn't come back?
Then I'll smash it.
Oh, don't smash it.
This is my career.
I'm in the space program.
I'm an astronaut. I can't.
With a quarter-million we can
buy our own space program.
Boy, isn't anybody
dishonest anymore?
You put a pottery dog
in my vault?
Porcelain.
For safekeeping, sir.
You see,
there's a pottery expert
who insists that Major Nelson
didn't make it.
But that it is, in fact,
a rare oriental porcelain.
Oh, you're beginning
not to make sense again, doctor.
Oh, it'll clear up, general,
uh, just as soon
as Dr. Farber arrives.
Uh, he's the expert.
He says that he's uh,
bringing proof positive
that the dog belongs
in a museum.
What would Tony be doing
with a museum piece?
I don't know, sir.
Uh, but there's one thing
that supports Major Nelson.
Uh, the dog bears a striking
resemblance
to that nasty little brute
who got loose in here
several months ago.
Uh, Major Nelson says
that he did the statue
from memory.
You mean that hound
that nearly destroyed the place?
And he's in my safe?
In pottery, sir.
You said porcelain.
Oh, yes. Of course.
Oh, but he's perfectly harmless.
I hope so, doctor.
Oh, I hope so.
Yeah, a quarter
of a million dollars.
That's a lot of money.
Oh, that's 500,000
50-cent pieces.
That's a million quarters.
Twenty-five million dimes.
Boy, I wonder what that is
in trading stamps.
Major Healey? Have...?
Have you seen Djinn Djinn?
Oh, he's in General Peterson's
safe.
What is my dog doing in a safe?
You don't mean the dog.
You mean the statue of a dog.
Well, that is no statue,
Major Healey.
That is Djinn Djinn.
You see, I made a mistake
and turned him into porcelain
and I have been in Baghdad
getting the antidote.
Why did they think it was from
the 15th century, then?
Oh, well, that is easy.
You see, when Djinn Djinn
was a puppy,
a Chinese artist named
Lum Chung Sing
did him in pottery, and I must
say it turned out rather well.
Oh, you'd better go
and tell Tony.
Oh...
No! No.
No, I'll... I'll tell Tony.
Oh, well.
Seven trillion trading stamps?
There it is, general.
The Peking Dog.
That picture was taken
at the Imperial Museum in 1922.
What do you say to that, Tony?
Oh, well,
that's impossible, sir.
Uh, that statue was modeled
after that little dog I had
a couple of months ago.
I suppose you remember.
I certainly do.
I still got the scars.
Yes, well, if you just
open the safe, sir,
you'll see a remarkable
resemblance.
All right, Tony.
I hope the dog is all right.
Oh, don't be ridiculous, Amanda.
What could happen to the dog?
Tony, I gotta talk to you.
Huh? No... No, he's opening
the safe now.
That's what I want
to talk to you about.
Well, we'll soon see, won't we?
Now, let me see
if I can remember.
Uh, two blinks, left eye.
One blink, right eye.
Twenty-seven...
Ah, sir, please!
Don't open... Not now... Not now...
Don't open it now.
What's the matter with you,
Tony? You wanted me to open it.
Not now. Just not now.
Not the time.
Oh, he knows that I'm right.
No, no, he's not right...
All right, general,
feast your eyes on that.
[GROWLING]
Ouch!
He bit me!
A pottery dog bit you?
He's not a pottery dog.
He's...
He's gone!
Ha! Gone, that's what he is.
Gone. Oh, God!
It's that brute!
Run for your lives!
[GROWLS, BARKS] He's a killer!
[ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
Oh, now he's got my sleeve.
Get off!
Roger, get him.
Get him? Get him? Get him?
He's got me.
General, what's happening
to him?
Don't panic. Don't panic.
[CACKLES]
Come on... Ooh!
[ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
I don't understand!
I don't see anything!
Oh, he's eating his pants of!
[SCREAMS]
[SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY]
Oh, calm down.
General, general, it's all
right, sir. Don't panic.
[PETERSON SCREAMS]
Call the Air Police!
Call the dog catcher!
Call the Marines!
We need reinforcements!
[ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
[SCREAMS]
Doctor, you put that brute
in my safe.
What kind of a mad fiend
are you?
General Peterson, I tell you
it was pottery.
No, it wasn't
It was alive. I saw it.
Alfred?
Take me home.
Oh, hello.
I believe I have the explanation
for you, Dr. Bellows.
I doubt it.
I doubt it.
I'm afraid it was all my fault.
You can say that again.
You see,
little Djinn Djinn here,
I brought him to visit with his
good friend, Major Nelson.
But I'm afraid the naughty
little boy got away from me.
[LAUGHS]
And he jumped through
your window.
Madam, please, take him away.
It was a pottery dog.
I tell you I put a pottery dog
in that safe.
This was not done
by a pottery dog.
Then where's that statue?
A pottery dog, you say?
Well, very mysterious.
Oh, my goodness.
Naughty Djinn Djinn.
He must have gotten you all
so upset
you didn't notice the little
statue had fallen out.
There it is.
[CLUCKS TONGUE]
FARBER:
The Peking Dog.
It's broken beyond all repair.
Oh.
Gone forever.
Oh, I wouldn't say that, honey.
[♪]
Jeannie, where...?
Where's my hat?
Hm?
Oh, it is in the dining room,
master, with your briefcase.
Oh. Whoops.
Hey, what are you reading?
Oh, it... It is called
The Genie Journal, master.
[LAUGHING] The Genie Journal?
It is a special magazine
written just for genies.
It has recipes
and new techniques,
where to eat in Beirut,
that sort of thing.
Well, I've never seen it
around here before.
Oh, well, Mother sent this one.
You see, it has a large section
on how to find a new master.
Yeah, she was always known
for her subtlety.
Uh, look, I'll be home
around 6:00 tonight,
so you don't have to do
any fancy cooking.
So I'll...
Oh, uh, no, I don't want
a big breakfast.
I'll just settle
on some fruit, Jeannie.
Oh...
Oh!
Uh, what's going on, here?
This fruit was fresh yesterday.
I just bought it.
Master, I am so sorry.
You see, there's a new recipe
in The Genie Journal
that tells how to turn
organic material
into porcelain.
And I was, uh...
I was trying it out.
[LAUGHS] Yeah, well,
I've bitten
into wax fruit before
but this is ridiculous.
Oh, I'm sorry, master.
Here's a fresh apple.
Oh, thanks.
Do me a favor, will you?
Warn me before you try out
any new recipes on me.
Oh, yes, master.
I'll see you tonight.
Have a nice day, master.
[DOOR OPENS]
[♪]
Hello, Dr. Bellows.
Oh, hello, major.
Where's Major Nelson?
He'll be right along, sir.
About Saturday night. Could you
get somebody to replace me?
Oh, that's out of the question.
Roger. Sir.
Oh, uh, good morning, major.
Have you got that report?
Oh, yes, sir.
Right here.
Something the matter, major?
Oh, no, no. Fine, fine.
[SNICKERS]
[♪]
[♪]
Tony, where...? Where...?
Where did you buy your hat?
Major Nelson, this is pottery.
Yeah, porcelain, actually, sir.
A porcelain hat?
Oh, Tony, you should know
better than that.
Regulations say a hat
should be made of wool or twill.
BELLOWS:
That'll do, major.
Well, Major Nelson?
Well, sir?
Well?
Well? Oh, yes. Uh, well, uh, the
explanation is very simple, sir.
Simple?
Yes, very simple.
How simple?
Hm? Oh, well, I've taken up
pottery, sir.
Very relaxing.
You really ought to try it.
All right.
I'll accept that.
It's no more ridiculous than
some of your other explanations.
However, in the future
I'd appreciate very much
if you'd confine
your potting to pots.
Of course, sir.
Now, if you'll
give me your report,
I'll leave you
to clean up that mess.
Uh, well, there are a few things
I'd like to add to it...
I'm sorry, major, but Washington
expects that report immediately.
I understand, uh,
it's in your briefcase.
Yes, that's correct, sir.
Well?
[CLEARS THROAT]
Would you mind, uh,
stepping back, please?
Would you, Roger, step back?
Here's the report, sir.
Your report is in pottery.
Porcelain.
Uh, like the Babylonians, sir.
If you remember,
some of their records
lasted for thousands of years
on porcelain,
or crockery, or pottery, or...
Yes. Thank you.
[CHUCKLES]
[WHIMPERS]
Boy, turning your briefcase
into pottery?
Man, that's dumb.
That's dumb. That's dumb.
What do you want me
to turn it into?
It's not dumb. Jeannie was just
trying out a spell
she read in a genie magazine.
Yeah, but porcelain?
How about gold?
Yeah, well, who would want
a gold briefcase?
Yeah, who would want
a gold briefcase? Who...?
A gold briefcase?
Yeah, you're right.
How about a gold suitcase?
Wait a minute, how about
a gold steam iron?
How about a steam...?
Come on.
Jeannie, I'm home.
JEANNIE:
Do not come in yet, master.
Yeah, she's probably fixing
your frozen porcelain dinner.
Oh...
Frozen porcelain dinner.
You get it?
Just a little...
Jeannie?
Jeannie!
[DOG BARKS]
He's back.
What's back?
Djinn Djinn, the invisible dog.
It's the invisible dog.
He's back.
[DOG GROWLING]
Ah! My shoe!
[TONY GRUNTS]
[GROWLING]
[BOTH STUTTERING
INDISTINCTLY]
Djinn Djinn! Djinn Djinn!
Stop it immediately.
Get it away, get it away.
Stop it, Djinn Djinn!
Ooh... Ah...!
Master, you should get it.
You shouldn't have come in
with your uniform on.
You know how uniforms upset him.
What am I supposed to do?
Do a striptease on the porch?
[SCREAMS] Well, of course not.
I was gonna blink you both
out of uniform.
Oh, oh, puppy.
[TONY SCREAMING]
Poor baby. Come on.
[SCREAMING] Come on.
[DJINN DJINN GROWLING]
Just stop him!
Wait a minute!
Would you two mind arguing
about it after you blinked?
Oh, of course.
Yeah...
Jeannie, where's the dog?
Where's the dog?
Oh!
[DJINN DJINN WHIMPERS]
Oh, darling little Djinn Djinn.
Pet him so that he will know
that you are happy to see him.
I don't want to pet him.
I'm not happy to see him.
[BARKS] Ah!
I'm delighted to see him.
Me too. I'm happy... Happy.
Oh, I'm happy.
How long is the little fella
gonna be staying with us?
Oh, not very long, master.
But you must remember to stay
out of uniform while he is here.
Yeah, we can both wear
our summer porcelains. Ha-ha-ha.
Coffee's almost ready, dear.
Thanks.
What in the world is that?
Well, oddly enough, it's one
of Major Nelson's reports.
For some unknown reason,
he did it on pottery.
Just like the Rosetta Stone.
Hm.
Here, let me see it.
Oh, Amanda, please.
I have to mail that
to Washington.
Oh, that reminds me. I must put
that in a box marked "fragile."
Oh, this is very interesting.
But it's... It's not really
like pottery.
It's more like fine oriental
porcelain.
Oh, Amanda, don't be ridiculous.
He says he just took it up
as a new hobby.
Well, then, he's a genius.
Remember last year when I took
that Art Appreciation course?
Well, Dr. Farber, he showed us
some fine oriental porcelain.
And darling, this is exactly
the same quality.
Oh, Amanda, what are you doing?
I'm calling Major Nelson.
Well, what for?
What for?
Because I want to see
the rest of his work
that's what for.
What...? Oh, fine, four,
yes, five...
[DJINN DJINN GROWLING]
[LAUGHING]
Come on, Djinn Djinn.
Sic him! Sic him, Djinn Djinn!
Get him, get him, get him!
[DJINN DJINN BARKS]
[GRUNTS]
[LAUGHS]
[ALL GROAN]
Come on, Djinn Djinn.
Get him, Djinn Djinn. Get him.
Come on, Djinn Djinn.
[SCREAMS]
[LAUGHS]
What's the idea
of the invisible bit?
I didn't even have
my uniform on.
Oh, well, master,
sometimes he disappears
when he gets excited.
[RINGS]
Hello? Yeah, he's right here.
It's kind of unnerving to...
Oh, hello Mrs. Bellows.
No, no, this is Major Healey.
How are you?
Oh, fine. Fine, thanks.
Oh, no, just come over any time.
No problem at all. Right.
Goodbye.
Uh, Roger, who is it?
Oh, that's the Bellows'.
Mrs. Bellows wants to come over
and see the rest of your pots.
What do you mean
she's coming here?
Well, you told Bellows you were
taking up pottery as a hobby.
I couldn't very well tell him
Jeannie made all that crockery.
That shouldn't be too hard. Just
show him Jeannie's crockery.
TONY:
That's a good idea.
Jeannie, uh, get to the garage
and turn it into a workshop.
Uh, put in a potter's wheel
and spread some crockery around.
Instantly, master.
TONY:
Wait a minute, I'm not finished.
Uh, don't make the crockery
too good.
You know, make it kind of
amateurish-looking, okay?
What are you waiting for?
Are you finished yet?
Yes, I am.
Oh.
Wait a min...! The dog!
The dog! The dog!
Quick! Djinn Djinn!
Djinn Djinn?
Djinn Djinn, Djinn Djinn,
[DJINN DJINN BARKS]
Oh, there he is.
Oh, come on, Djinn Djinn.
Come on, baby.
[DJINN DJINN WHIMPERS]
Ooh, there we go.
[GROWLS] Oh, look out.
Give him... Give him
his towel.
All right. Take the towel.
Give him the towel.
Take the towel.
Yes, take all the towels.
Now?
Now.
Oh, boy.
[CHUCKLES] Yeah.
Thank goodness your head
isn't porcelain.
Oh, well.
There you are, Djinn Djinn.
Now, let us see.
[SIGHS] There.
[CLUCKS TONGUE]
I am ashamed
to do such shoddy work.
But that is what
my master wants.
That is what he wants...
Oh!
[DJINN DJINN BARKS]
Djinn Djinn, no, no, no,
you naughty dog.
Now. Now, go on.
Go on.
I am doing important work
for my master.
Go on.
[BARKS]
[SIGHS]
All right, now. Let me see.
[SIGHS]
Ooh.
Ugly. Hm.
Let me see, now.
Here.
Whoo! Terrible.
Oh, dear.
I do not want Mrs. Bellows
to think
my master is a complete amateur.
I will do something
just a little special.
[GIGGLES]
Let's see if I can remember
the recipe.
Right eye. Left eye.
Both eyes... twice.
[CHUCKLES]
Oh! Oh, my goodness.
My poor little Djinn Djinn.
What did I do?
It did not work.
Do not worry. Do not worry.
The Genie Journal.
There must be an antidote.
Okay, let me see.
Let us see.
What does it say?
Oh, dear.
Oh, here it is. Yes.
Let's see. Hm.
"Homemaking ideas,
new spells for old porc..."
Oh, dear.
Well, there's no recipe
for turning things back.
Do not worry, Djinn Djinn.
I will go home to...
To Baghdad and ask Mama.
Or... Or Haji, or...
Someone.
Oh, thank you, major.
Uh, did you make these too?
Oh, no, no, no.
I only took up pottery because
Dr. Bellows said that, uh,
doing something with your hands
would be relaxing.
Well, there's no need
to go to extremes, major.
In the future,
I'd like your reports
to be on plain,
Government Issue paper.
Oh, Alfred, don't be such
a fuddy-duddy.
It... It's perfectly obvious
that Major Nelson is an artiste.
Oh, major, may I see
the rest of your things?
I'm really very excited
about all this.
I don't want you
to be disappointed.
My stuff's pretty crude.
Oh, major,
you're much too modest.
Uh, the crockery is ready.
Huh?
Oh, good. Uh, right this way,
please.
Amanda.
Thank you, dear.
I'm really very excited
about this.
I know.
Now, if you...
If you see anything you like,
just tell me and I'll make you
a present of it.
Thank you very much, major.
Well, it's all very nice.
It's just, uh...
it's not quite
what I'd expected.
Yeah, well, I tried to keep
the crude approach, you know?
Like... Like this one. It's
a kind of a simplistic form.
I think you've succeeded, major.
Uh, Amanda,
have you seen enough?
Yes, I have, darling.
Thank you very much, major.
It's, uh, all been very
interesting.
Oh, all right.
Oh, uh, Major Nelson,
I like this very much.
May I see it?
Yes, well, this is
the crude form I've been...
What is that?
No, darling, come look
at this beautiful little dog.
Huh?
Oh, yeah.
Well, that... That's just
a little dog I whipped up.
It's been a... A pleasure
having you here.
And I... I'm sure...
Oh, this is exactly
what I was looking for, major.
Darling, look at this.
Isn't that exquisite?
Where did that come from?
I don't know.
It was there when I got here.
What do you mean?
I told Jeannie to keep it crude.
Pull this thing off.
What are you doing with this
on your hand?
Just pull it.
Look at the detail, Alfred.
The intricate craftsmanship.
It's so lifelike.
Major?
Yes?
Major, you know,
you said if I... If I really
found something that I like
that I could have it?
Yes.
Well, I like this.
Huh?
Uh, well... Uh, now...
Dr. Bellows.
Wait a minute, wait a minute!
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
It fits your hand.
I'll take this, huh?
Roger...
Jeannie?
Jeannie?
TONY:
Jeannie?
Jeannie?
Excuse me, Roger.
Jeannie, come on out.
Jeannie... Jeannie?
Jeannie, come on out, please.
We gotta find that dog.
What are you worrying about?
Mrs. Bellows will probably
put it on her knickknack shelf
and that'll be that.
Yeah!
And in a matter of hours,
I'll be the master potter
of the space agency.
I'd sure like to have the
concession on all this stuff.
I know what. Uh, tomorrow
we'll go to Mrs. Bellows' house
and we'll smash it.
What?
Smash it!
Boy, you sure don't take pride
in your work.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Oh, excuse me, doctor.
I think that's them.
Oh, hello, Mrs. Bellows.
Hello, Major Nelson.
Major Healey, won't you
come in, please?
There's someone
I want you to meet.
Right this way. Please.
Major... majors, rather,
I would like you to meet, uh,
Dr. Farber.
This is Major Nelson
and Major Healey.
He is an authority
on fine oriental porcelain.
How do you do, sir?
Is this the one?
He's the one.
I want to ask you
about the porcelain dog.
TONY:
Oh, that little dog, sir?
Oh, just something I whipped up.
Yeah, it's pretty.
Heavy too.
Pretty heavy.
BOTH:
Ooh!
Good heavens!
What are you doing?
Oh, just clumsy.
I'll hold it, sir.
Please be careful.
Yes.
You're holding
one of the most
valuable porcelains
in the entire world.
What, this is valuable?
Mm.
Oh, now, I'm afraid not, sir.
Uh, I... It's the first effort
of a rank amateur.
All right, major.
You can drop it now.
Huh?
I said you can drop it.
Well, if that's
what you want, Mrs. Bellows...
What is the matter with you two?
Well, she told him to drop it.
Not the dog.
The pretense.
Major, you did not
make this dog.
I didn't?
Not unless
you're Lum Chung Sing,
the finest maker of porcelain
in the 15th century.
And this is his masterpiece.
The Peking Dog.
The finest example
of the potted art.
Uh, no, sir. I...
I made that dog.
Not in a thousand years
could this be duplicated.
I made the dog, didn't I, Roger?
Didn't you see me make it, huh?
What about that tablet
with the report on it?
I suppose that
was 15th century too.
Doctor, I must admit
I am a bit confused.
I'm afraid I made the dog, sir.
Anybody can make a mistake.
Uh, that's not worth
the time it takes to smash it.
Major! Major, please!
It's worth more than a quarter
of a million dollars.
A quarter of a million dollars?
This?
Oh, come on...
Oh!
[♪]
No!
[SCREAMS]
Oh, oh, oh!
Mrs. Bellows, please,
let me have it.
It's for a museum.
No, no, no. No museum.
No, he gave it to me.
Wait, wait...
Oh, please, don't break it.
No!
Oh!
[LAUGHS]
That's it. Yeah.
What's going on, here?
[ALL ARGUE INDISTINCTLY]
???
What's going on, here?
[ALL ARGUE INDISTINCTLY]
What's the matter with you?
I'll take care of this.
Do you mind?
I'm keeping the dog until
this thing is straightened out
and I'm putting it
in a safe place.
In the NASA vault.
[ALL ARGUE INDISTINCTLY]
I never ask any favor before.
I'm asking. Just let me be...
I've never been near a quarter
of a million dollars before.
Oh, Roger, will you get off
your knees? You're embarrassing.
Somebody's gotta be here
in case Jeannie comes back.
I left a note for her at home
telling her to meet me here.
What am I supposed to tell her?
Tell her to smash that dog.
Oh, no, don't smash it.
I'm sorry, Roger.
It's the only way out, Roge.
Wait a minute.
What if she doesn't come back?
Then I'll smash it.
Oh, don't smash it.
This is my career.
I'm in the space program.
I'm an astronaut. I can't.
With a quarter-million we can
buy our own space program.
Boy, isn't anybody
dishonest anymore?
You put a pottery dog
in my vault?
Porcelain.
For safekeeping, sir.
You see,
there's a pottery expert
who insists that Major Nelson
didn't make it.
But that it is, in fact,
a rare oriental porcelain.
Oh, you're beginning
not to make sense again, doctor.
Oh, it'll clear up, general,
uh, just as soon
as Dr. Farber arrives.
Uh, he's the expert.
He says that he's uh,
bringing proof positive
that the dog belongs
in a museum.
What would Tony be doing
with a museum piece?
I don't know, sir.
Uh, but there's one thing
that supports Major Nelson.
Uh, the dog bears a striking
resemblance
to that nasty little brute
who got loose in here
several months ago.
Uh, Major Nelson says
that he did the statue
from memory.
You mean that hound
that nearly destroyed the place?
And he's in my safe?
In pottery, sir.
You said porcelain.
Oh, yes. Of course.
Oh, but he's perfectly harmless.
I hope so, doctor.
Oh, I hope so.
Yeah, a quarter
of a million dollars.
That's a lot of money.
Oh, that's 500,000
50-cent pieces.
That's a million quarters.
Twenty-five million dimes.
Boy, I wonder what that is
in trading stamps.
Major Healey? Have...?
Have you seen Djinn Djinn?
Oh, he's in General Peterson's
safe.
What is my dog doing in a safe?
You don't mean the dog.
You mean the statue of a dog.
Well, that is no statue,
Major Healey.
That is Djinn Djinn.
You see, I made a mistake
and turned him into porcelain
and I have been in Baghdad
getting the antidote.
Why did they think it was from
the 15th century, then?
Oh, well, that is easy.
You see, when Djinn Djinn
was a puppy,
a Chinese artist named
Lum Chung Sing
did him in pottery, and I must
say it turned out rather well.
Oh, you'd better go
and tell Tony.
Oh...
No! No.
No, I'll... I'll tell Tony.
Oh, well.
Seven trillion trading stamps?
There it is, general.
The Peking Dog.
That picture was taken
at the Imperial Museum in 1922.
What do you say to that, Tony?
Oh, well,
that's impossible, sir.
Uh, that statue was modeled
after that little dog I had
a couple of months ago.
I suppose you remember.
I certainly do.
I still got the scars.
Yes, well, if you just
open the safe, sir,
you'll see a remarkable
resemblance.
All right, Tony.
I hope the dog is all right.
Oh, don't be ridiculous, Amanda.
What could happen to the dog?
Tony, I gotta talk to you.
Huh? No... No, he's opening
the safe now.
That's what I want
to talk to you about.
Well, we'll soon see, won't we?
Now, let me see
if I can remember.
Uh, two blinks, left eye.
One blink, right eye.
Twenty-seven...
Ah, sir, please!
Don't open... Not now... Not now...
Don't open it now.
What's the matter with you,
Tony? You wanted me to open it.
Not now. Just not now.
Not the time.
Oh, he knows that I'm right.
No, no, he's not right...
All right, general,
feast your eyes on that.
[GROWLING]
Ouch!
He bit me!
A pottery dog bit you?
He's not a pottery dog.
He's...
He's gone!
Ha! Gone, that's what he is.
Gone. Oh, God!
It's that brute!
Run for your lives!
[GROWLS, BARKS] He's a killer!
[ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
Oh, now he's got my sleeve.
Get off!
Roger, get him.
Get him? Get him? Get him?
He's got me.
General, what's happening
to him?
Don't panic. Don't panic.
[CACKLES]
Come on... Ooh!
[ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
I don't understand!
I don't see anything!
Oh, he's eating his pants of!
[SCREAMS]
[SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY]
Oh, calm down.
General, general, it's all
right, sir. Don't panic.
[PETERSON SCREAMS]
Call the Air Police!
Call the dog catcher!
Call the Marines!
We need reinforcements!
[ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
[SCREAMS]
Doctor, you put that brute
in my safe.
What kind of a mad fiend
are you?
General Peterson, I tell you
it was pottery.
No, it wasn't
It was alive. I saw it.
Alfred?
Take me home.
Oh, hello.
I believe I have the explanation
for you, Dr. Bellows.
I doubt it.
I doubt it.
I'm afraid it was all my fault.
You can say that again.
You see,
little Djinn Djinn here,
I brought him to visit with his
good friend, Major Nelson.
But I'm afraid the naughty
little boy got away from me.
[LAUGHS]
And he jumped through
your window.
Madam, please, take him away.
It was a pottery dog.
I tell you I put a pottery dog
in that safe.
This was not done
by a pottery dog.
Then where's that statue?
A pottery dog, you say?
Well, very mysterious.
Oh, my goodness.
Naughty Djinn Djinn.
He must have gotten you all
so upset
you didn't notice the little
statue had fallen out.
There it is.
[CLUCKS TONGUE]
FARBER:
The Peking Dog.
It's broken beyond all repair.
Oh.
Gone forever.
Oh, I wouldn't say that, honey.
[♪]