I Dream of Jeannie (1965–1970): Season 4, Episode 11 - Dr. Bellows Goes Sane - full transcript
Doctor Bellows assembles a complete dossier on Tony to prove his case against Tony for General Peterson.
[♪]
[TONY CHUCKLING]
Dr. Bellows say what
he wanted to see me about?
No, just that it was important.
[SIGHS]
Dr. Bellows?
He isn't here.
Maybe he left a note.
Hey.
"A Clinical Report
on Major Anthony Nelson."
Hey, Roger, it's about me.
Maybe that's what he wanted
to see you about.
"A factual dossier
on every unexplained incident
"in which Major Nelson
has been involved
for the last three years."
This is dynamite.
Boy, if this thing is submitted,
I'm finished.
We gotta get rid of it.
We'll burn it,
we'll burn the office.
Jeannie!
You called, master?
Oh, yeah.
You see these papers?
Get rid of them, will ya?
BELLOWS: Thanks, sergeant.
At once, master.
No, wait, wait, wait.
[GASPS]
Uh, thank you, sergeant.
Oh, uh, Major Healey.
Where's Major Nelson?
Major Nelson.
Oh, he, uh...
He had to go to the phone.
I want to discuss
this report with him.
Now, master?
No, not now.
You can't while
Dr. Bellows is there.
Oh, you forget how clever I am.
Shh.
[WIND GUSTING] What's going on?
There is a bit
of a breeze, I'll, uh...
I'll close the window.
Major, the window is closed.
Oh, well, then, uh,
I'll open it.
[MAGIC BOINGS]
What a shame, sir.
The, uh...
The reports have been blown
all over the base.
Don't worry about it.
With Major Nelson involved,
I thought something
like this might happen,
so I took the precaution
of making up a few more copies.
Nice work, Jeannie.
Thank you, master.
I just dropped one off
with General Peterson.
Carry on, major.
[♪]
[♪]
[♪]
I take it you're aware
of the contents of this report,
Tony, now,
what do you make of it?
I... I don't think it's fair
to condemn a man
before a fair hearing.
No one is condemning anybody,
Tony.
It's perfectly understandable,
after all the pressure
we've been under.
Sir, I respectfully submit
that Dr. Bellows is not always...
I know.
I know how you must
feel about him,
after working with him
all these years.
There's no doubt in my mind.
Bellows is cracked up.
Sir, I'm entitled
to a formal hearing...
Dr. Bellows is cracked up?
Of course.
Whom did you think I meant?
Yeah, you... You mean you don't
believe this report, sir?
Tony, any man who writes
a report like this
has got to be a candidate
for a padded cell.
Look right here where it says,
"Animals, appearing
and disappearing."
Bellows swears that
on three separate occasions
he saw an elephant, a giraffe
and a grizzly bear
in your living room.
[LAUGHING]
Yeah. Grizzly bear.
Well, we simply cannot afford
to have our astronauts
under the care of a man
who sees grizzly bears.
No, no, sir.
As of now, Bellows is
no longer your doctor.
[CHUCKLING] Yeah.
What?
Oh, master, what happened?
Dr. Bellows is losing his job
because of me.
Oh, well, can he not get
another job?
The world is getting crazier
every minute.
Psychiatrists are in demand.
Jeannie, I got an idea.
Why don't you blink Dr. Bellows
up a beautiful office
in Beverly Hills
with a lot of rich patients.
I'll do it right away.
Yeah, you can throw in
the Nobel Prize in medicine.
Nobel Prize in medicine.
Wait a minute, Jeannie.
Just let me handle this.
Hello.
I don't want you
to blink anybody anywhere.
Hello?
Oh, uh, yes, Dr. Corbett.
Yes, sir, I'm on my way now.
Who is Dr. Corbett?
He's the new psychiatrist
that's taking Dr. Bellows' job.
[♪]
Dr. Corbett?
Dr. Corbett?
[MAKING TICKING NOISES]
Uh, Dr. Corbett,
I'm Major Nelson.
Shh, I haven't finished
rewinding yet.
And there we are.
Ha, ha.
Whoo, the old mainspring
is just going like new.
Okay, major. Strip.
I beg your pardon?
I said strip.
Take off your clothes.
Going to give you
a physical examination.
Going to give you a complete
physical examination.
That'll be today.
Now, tomorrow, we're gonna start
with your
psychological inventory.
And by this time next week,
there isn't one thing
about you that I won't know.
Well, uh, you've already seen
my medical report...
Aha.
Gonna resist me, are ya?
Well, no, it's not a question
of resistance...
Well, it won't do you any good
because I have my methods.
Come over here.
Over here, major.
You see that?
Yes, sir.
Oh, yes, hypnotherapy.
That's right.
And if that doesn't work, ahem,
sodium pentothal.
Narco-therapy.
By the time
I'm through with you,
there is nothing
that you won't tell me.
No.
Well, how about
the old matchstick
under the fingernail trick?
What did you say, major?
Ahem. It's good.
It's good.
[JEANNIE GASPS]
Master.
Hey, what happened?
Oh, you look terrible.
I am in perfect
physical condition.
Hey, what's Corbett like,
anyway?
Oh, he's a monster.
He put me through every
physical test known to science.
Well, that doesn't
make him a monster.
Yeah, he's gonna pump me
full of truth serum
and find out all about Jeannie.
He's a monster.
Yeah.
Smite him, Jeannie.
At once.
Now, wait, wait.
Don't... Don't smite anybody.
Wait a minute.
At least, don't smite anybody
unless we can
do it scientifically.
Yeah, yeah, that's it,
scientifically,
by getting Dr. Bellows
his job back.
It's too late, the ax falls
in General Peterson's office
tomorrow at noon.
All right,
that's all we need to know.
Jeannie, Roger,
from now on we're gonna be
members of the underground.
Underground?
I do not understand, master.
Well, if Dr. Corbett's gonna
play Helmut von Gestapo
with a truth serum,
we're gonna be members
of the French Freedom Fighters.
Oh, master, that will be fun.
[♪]
[LAUGHS]
Jeannie, what are you doing?
Oh, now we will look the part.
Vive la France.
There we are, master.
Now the pipe will leak.
But I still do not understand
what we are doing.
Oh, it's simple.
We're gonna prove
that Dr. Bellows
is perfectly sane.
Oh, by making
a heating pipe leak.
How very clever, master.
[LAUGHS]
How does that prove
that Dr. Bellows is sane?
Well, in his report,
he said that he saw it snow
in Cocoa Beach in July.
Well, tomorrow, he's having
a meeting in this very room
with General Peterson, at noon.
You're gonna make it snow.
Oh.
And then General Peterson
will think that he is crazy too.
[CHUCKLING] No, no, not at all.
I'm gonna come up with
a perfectly logical explanation.
The heating pipe leaks,
causing warm air to escape
which rises to the ceiling.
The air conditioner
condenses it into snow.
Oh, master, you are brilliant.
No, just desperate.
Clean up this mess and we'll
get out of here, all right?
Yes, master.
[GIGGLES]
[SIGHS]
[♪]
All right, Jeannie.
Remember,
when Dr. Bellows goes in,
wait one minute
and then let her rip.
Yes, master.
One minute.
All right, let's go.
M-master,
I do not have a watch.
I wonder if it matters
if it is on Arabian time.
I'm not looking forward
to this, Corbett.
Dr. Bellows has been
with this program for years.
But it can't be helped.
The man is a dingbat.
Watch yourself, doctor,
he's also my friend.
But you read the report,
general.
He's a menace and the sooner you
get him out of here, the better.
I suppose you're right.
Maybe we'll go to his office.
It'll make it seem less
like he's being called
on the carpet and fired.
No, general, it would be
so much better psychologically
if you were to order him
to your office...
We'll go to his office.
General Peterson?
[HUMMING]
Major.
Sir.
General, uh, weren't you
supposed to have your meeting
in your office at noon?
We've decided to have it
in Dr. Bellows' office instead.
[♪]
Dr. Bellows?
He's probably waiting
in your office, sir.
Oh.
It must have stopped.
It's snowing.
Major Nelson has done it again.
Jeannie.
We are right on schedule,
master.
It is snowing inside.
Well, turn it off in there
and turn it on
in Dr. Bellows' office.
We made a mistake.
Oh, we did?
Yes.
Oh, yes, master.
Right away.
Major Nelson.
Major Nelson.
I know you're
around here somewhere.
Dr. Bellows.
Oh, uh, General Peterson.
Quick, it's snowing
in your office.
Snowing in my office.
You don't have to believe me.
Just look.
But it was snowing.
I swear it.
Major Nelson is behind this.
He did it once before.
It's in my report.
It's on page a hundred and...
There, there, doctor.
Now you just relax.
Everything is going
to be all right.
General, I assure you,
I was sitting in that chair...
All right, all right.
It suddenly snowed.
I assure you it was snowing.
I was sitting in your office.
Dr. Corbett, I saw it,
I felt it...
Oh, Major Nelson.
Tell 'em, you made it snow.
Tell them.
Um, well, as a matter of fact,
it could happen...
Shh, shh, don't upset him.
Where are you taking him, sir?
I'm going to take him
and get him
some nice warm snow boots.
[♪]
Poor Dr. Bellows.
Poor me, I got Corbett
to deal with.
Oh, do not worry, master.
I will help you.
Yeah, me too.
We've just got to stay calm.
Yeah, well, Roger,
we can stay calm,
but just realize that after
Corbett's finished with me,
he's gonna start on you.
Me? Oh, me?!
We got work to do.
Gotta make plans.
How can you be calm
at a time like this?
Jeannie, blink him to Australia.
Shall I, master?
No.
I've got a plan, Roger.
I like mine better.
Australia, Jeannie.
Relax, Roger, relax.
You're gonna be his secretary.
Oh, no, master.
I could not work for a man
who is your enemy.
You're not gonna work for him,
you're gonna work against him.
Oh, well, I like that better.
Oh, I'm sure she'll be fine,
major, fine, fine, fine.
As long as she can type
and file, take shorthand.
Can you, sergeant?
Shorthand?
Oh, heh, oh, yes.
All right, then thank you
for recommending her, major.
My pleasure, sir.
And don't forget
we have an appointment
at, uh, 4:00
with the, uh, hypno-disk.
Four o'clock,
I wouldn't forget that, sir.
Uh, goodbye, sir.
All right, sergeant,
take a letter.
[♪]
I-I can't seem
to find my glasses.
[GIGGLES]
They're on your nose, doctor.
Oh, they're on my...
Oh, good, good.
Heh, heh.
Good luck, Dr. Corbett.
Have you got your steno pad?
Oh, no, but I will get it.
Uh, now then, this letter goes
to the director
of Medical Services.
Do you not wish to know
how I got my notepad and pencil
without getting up
from my chair?
Sergeant, how you do your job
is of no concern to me,
only that you do it properly.
Now, this letter goes
to the director
of Medical Services.
Mmm.
Dear director
of Medical Services...
[BOTH LAUGHING]
You mean, his glasses
just popped in on his nose?
When she gets through with him,
he'll wish he'd never
set foot at NASA.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
Ah, therefore in my case,
I felt that the standard
office furniture would not do.
Yours truly, Farley Corbett.
Uh, sergeant,
do you have the time?
My watch seems to have stopped.
Oh, I am sorry, doctor,
I do not have a watch.
Well, then, find a clock.
[BELLS TOLLING]
Never mind,
there's a clock outside.
[BUZZES]
Yes?
CORBETT:
Sergeant?
Yes, doctor.
Get me Sergeant Krober
immediately.
Yes, doctor.
What am I doing here?
I sent for you.
All right, I want you
to take this over
to the base pharmacy,
have it filled and take it over
to the resident at the hospital.
Have him give it
to Dr. Bellows as directed.
Well, sergeant,
what are you waiting for?
I figured as long as I came in
without coming through the door,
I could leave the same way.
Out.
Uh, yes, general,
I got the call.
Uh, yes, sir.
I'll have the report in
by Monday morning. Right.
Oh.
May I call you back, sir?
Thank you.
Yes, yes, few minutes.
Master, I have done everything
you said and he has not paid
the slightest bit
of attention to me.
All right. We'll have
to move on to Phase 2.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
If Corbett is
that far out of it,
he may be easier to live with
than Dr. Bellows, huh?
Roger, if Corbett hypnotizes me
or pumps me full of truth serum,
he'll find out
all about Jeannie.
No, no, it's time to move up
to heavy artillery.
Yes, master.
Well, that ought to fix him.
Jeannie, would you please
get rid of this.
Oh, but, master, you said
you wanted heavy artillery,
this is the finest ever made.
No, no.
Now, I want a bear.
A bear?
Up in Dr. Corbett's office.
You mean, a bear, a grizzly bear
with grizzly teeth and hair?
I hope you know
what you're doing.
So do I.
A bear?
A bear.
[GROWLS]
[♪]
[GROWLS]
[MAKING TICKING NOISES]
Well, major, are you ready
for our session?
Are you ready to tell me
your innermost secrets?
I thought I heard a noise
in the closet.
Oh, did you?
I didn't hear anything.
I know your
delaying tactics now, major.
No, no, no, it sounded
like a bear.
A bear?
Yes.
You can tell me
all about it under hypnosis.
Here we go now, major.
Watch the hypno-disk.
[♪]
[GROWLS]
CORBETT:
You're getting sleepy.
You're getting very sleepy.
Sleepy.
Your lids are very heavy.
Are you sleepy, major?
Sleepy, sleepy.
Uh-huh.
Yeah, yeah.
[LAUGHS]
I'll tell you what, uh...
[GROWLS]
Okay?
Can I get back to you later?
Something's come up.
Y-you probably
don't recognize me,
but I'm Roger Healey.
Dr. Corbett's next door.
It's a very easy mistake,
it's just two doors away.
Ha, ha. Uh...
Smoke? Smoke, Mr. Bear?
Smokey the Bear.
[GROWLS]
Now you are in a deep,
hypnotic trance.
[SNAPS FINGERS]
You will answer
with complete truthfulness
any question that I put to you.
Question to me.
I hear a bear.
Oh, yes, that's the noise
you heard before.
You think it's a bear?
Yes, a bear. A big bear.
A big black bear.
Mm-hm.
Major, when you were
a little boy,
did you ever go hunting
with your father?
Hunting.
Yes, with my dad.
Hunting.
Hunting bear.
Where are you now, major?
I'm in the big piny woods,
with Dad.
[♪] That feels wonderful.
[GROWLS] But I really must go.
[GROWLS]
Just make yourself at home.
Use the phone.
Make a long-distance call.
[GROWLING]
Show me the bear.
There's the bear.
Wait a minute, major.
We're not getting anywhere
with this.
You're getting sleepy.
You don't see a...
Very sleepy. Your eyelids
are getting heavy.
Very heavy.
You are getting very sleepy.
Now, wait a minute, major,
what's going on?
TONY:
Just look over there.
Now when I say three,
I want you to go to sleep.
Three.
[MUTTERING]
Sleep. Sleep.
Roger, the bear, the bear.
The bear's in my office.
In your...?
How did he get in there?
How'd he get in there?
He just walked in there.
We gotta get him out of there
before Peterson sees
or we're dead.
You get him out of there.
Have you seen this bear?
This is not a small bear.
The other way.
Other way, this is the way.
[♪]
Let's see now, where were we?
Oh, yeah, we're in
the piny woods hunting a bear.
[GROWLS]
Very remarkable.
Your illusion is so strong,
I almost think I hear him.
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
What...?
What are you doing, major?
I, oh...
Put me down.
All right, act out your fantasy
if you must, major.
Easy does it, now.
I thought you said
he was in your office.
Don't you think I know a bear
when I see one?
We gotta find him.
You gotta find him.
You find him.
Shh, be quiet.
Don't tell me to be quiet...
[GROWLS]
[MUMBLING]
...you're hallucinating...
Oh! Oh, dear.
Jeannie.
Oh, master, I'm sorry.
Don't worry about a thing.
I put Dr. Corbett to sleep
with his own hypno-disk.
Watch out, watch out.
Yeah, I'm watching out.
Good heavens, a bear.
[GROWLS]
A bear?!
Shall I do something?
No, Jeannie, stay away from him.
Sir, maybe you better stay...
Major, where did
that bear come from
and what's he doing
with Dr. Corbett?
Oh, yeah, Dr. Corbett...
Yeah, the bear...
General Peterson, is that you?
Don't pay any attention
to this, sir.
It's just Major Nelson
acting out
his childhood fantasies.
What did he say?
Dr. Corbett thinks
the bear is me, sir.
That doesn't explain
who the bear thinks he is.
Oh, major, you're heavy.
Um, sir, frankly,
I think Dr. Corbett's
a little strange.
A little strange?
That's putting it charitably
to say the least.
Now, how are we gonna get him
away from the bear?
How do we get him
away from the bear?
Uh, oh. This young lady
is the bear's keeper.
All right, major,
I'll leave it in your hands.
You're reassigned
to Dr. Bellows.
And get that bear out of here.
[GROWLS] Aah!
Right now.
[LAUGHS]
You've done it again, master.
Yeah, I think I've pretty
well done it again.
[BEAR GROWLING]
Good heavens, there's a bear?
Jeannie, will you
get rid of it, please?
Oh.
Huh?
Dr. Corbett, what are you
doing on the floor?
What's going on here?
The bear, it was sitting on me,
and when he got up,
I fell on the floor.
The bear.
Mm-hm.
Really?
Yes.
Oh, doctor, why don't you just
sit down here on the couch
for a moment.
Now, uh, as you were saying.
The bear.
The big black bear.
Mama bear or papa bear?
I don't know,
it was a big hairy bear.
[♪]
[TONY CHUCKLING]
Dr. Bellows say what
he wanted to see me about?
No, just that it was important.
[SIGHS]
Dr. Bellows?
He isn't here.
Maybe he left a note.
Hey.
"A Clinical Report
on Major Anthony Nelson."
Hey, Roger, it's about me.
Maybe that's what he wanted
to see you about.
"A factual dossier
on every unexplained incident
"in which Major Nelson
has been involved
for the last three years."
This is dynamite.
Boy, if this thing is submitted,
I'm finished.
We gotta get rid of it.
We'll burn it,
we'll burn the office.
Jeannie!
You called, master?
Oh, yeah.
You see these papers?
Get rid of them, will ya?
BELLOWS: Thanks, sergeant.
At once, master.
No, wait, wait, wait.
[GASPS]
Uh, thank you, sergeant.
Oh, uh, Major Healey.
Where's Major Nelson?
Major Nelson.
Oh, he, uh...
He had to go to the phone.
I want to discuss
this report with him.
Now, master?
No, not now.
You can't while
Dr. Bellows is there.
Oh, you forget how clever I am.
Shh.
[WIND GUSTING] What's going on?
There is a bit
of a breeze, I'll, uh...
I'll close the window.
Major, the window is closed.
Oh, well, then, uh,
I'll open it.
[MAGIC BOINGS]
What a shame, sir.
The, uh...
The reports have been blown
all over the base.
Don't worry about it.
With Major Nelson involved,
I thought something
like this might happen,
so I took the precaution
of making up a few more copies.
Nice work, Jeannie.
Thank you, master.
I just dropped one off
with General Peterson.
Carry on, major.
[♪]
[♪]
[♪]
I take it you're aware
of the contents of this report,
Tony, now,
what do you make of it?
I... I don't think it's fair
to condemn a man
before a fair hearing.
No one is condemning anybody,
Tony.
It's perfectly understandable,
after all the pressure
we've been under.
Sir, I respectfully submit
that Dr. Bellows is not always...
I know.
I know how you must
feel about him,
after working with him
all these years.
There's no doubt in my mind.
Bellows is cracked up.
Sir, I'm entitled
to a formal hearing...
Dr. Bellows is cracked up?
Of course.
Whom did you think I meant?
Yeah, you... You mean you don't
believe this report, sir?
Tony, any man who writes
a report like this
has got to be a candidate
for a padded cell.
Look right here where it says,
"Animals, appearing
and disappearing."
Bellows swears that
on three separate occasions
he saw an elephant, a giraffe
and a grizzly bear
in your living room.
[LAUGHING]
Yeah. Grizzly bear.
Well, we simply cannot afford
to have our astronauts
under the care of a man
who sees grizzly bears.
No, no, sir.
As of now, Bellows is
no longer your doctor.
[CHUCKLING] Yeah.
What?
Oh, master, what happened?
Dr. Bellows is losing his job
because of me.
Oh, well, can he not get
another job?
The world is getting crazier
every minute.
Psychiatrists are in demand.
Jeannie, I got an idea.
Why don't you blink Dr. Bellows
up a beautiful office
in Beverly Hills
with a lot of rich patients.
I'll do it right away.
Yeah, you can throw in
the Nobel Prize in medicine.
Nobel Prize in medicine.
Wait a minute, Jeannie.
Just let me handle this.
Hello.
I don't want you
to blink anybody anywhere.
Hello?
Oh, uh, yes, Dr. Corbett.
Yes, sir, I'm on my way now.
Who is Dr. Corbett?
He's the new psychiatrist
that's taking Dr. Bellows' job.
[♪]
Dr. Corbett?
Dr. Corbett?
[MAKING TICKING NOISES]
Uh, Dr. Corbett,
I'm Major Nelson.
Shh, I haven't finished
rewinding yet.
And there we are.
Ha, ha.
Whoo, the old mainspring
is just going like new.
Okay, major. Strip.
I beg your pardon?
I said strip.
Take off your clothes.
Going to give you
a physical examination.
Going to give you a complete
physical examination.
That'll be today.
Now, tomorrow, we're gonna start
with your
psychological inventory.
And by this time next week,
there isn't one thing
about you that I won't know.
Well, uh, you've already seen
my medical report...
Aha.
Gonna resist me, are ya?
Well, no, it's not a question
of resistance...
Well, it won't do you any good
because I have my methods.
Come over here.
Over here, major.
You see that?
Yes, sir.
Oh, yes, hypnotherapy.
That's right.
And if that doesn't work, ahem,
sodium pentothal.
Narco-therapy.
By the time
I'm through with you,
there is nothing
that you won't tell me.
No.
Well, how about
the old matchstick
under the fingernail trick?
What did you say, major?
Ahem. It's good.
It's good.
[JEANNIE GASPS]
Master.
Hey, what happened?
Oh, you look terrible.
I am in perfect
physical condition.
Hey, what's Corbett like,
anyway?
Oh, he's a monster.
He put me through every
physical test known to science.
Well, that doesn't
make him a monster.
Yeah, he's gonna pump me
full of truth serum
and find out all about Jeannie.
He's a monster.
Yeah.
Smite him, Jeannie.
At once.
Now, wait, wait.
Don't... Don't smite anybody.
Wait a minute.
At least, don't smite anybody
unless we can
do it scientifically.
Yeah, yeah, that's it,
scientifically,
by getting Dr. Bellows
his job back.
It's too late, the ax falls
in General Peterson's office
tomorrow at noon.
All right,
that's all we need to know.
Jeannie, Roger,
from now on we're gonna be
members of the underground.
Underground?
I do not understand, master.
Well, if Dr. Corbett's gonna
play Helmut von Gestapo
with a truth serum,
we're gonna be members
of the French Freedom Fighters.
Oh, master, that will be fun.
[♪]
[LAUGHS]
Jeannie, what are you doing?
Oh, now we will look the part.
Vive la France.
There we are, master.
Now the pipe will leak.
But I still do not understand
what we are doing.
Oh, it's simple.
We're gonna prove
that Dr. Bellows
is perfectly sane.
Oh, by making
a heating pipe leak.
How very clever, master.
[LAUGHS]
How does that prove
that Dr. Bellows is sane?
Well, in his report,
he said that he saw it snow
in Cocoa Beach in July.
Well, tomorrow, he's having
a meeting in this very room
with General Peterson, at noon.
You're gonna make it snow.
Oh.
And then General Peterson
will think that he is crazy too.
[CHUCKLING] No, no, not at all.
I'm gonna come up with
a perfectly logical explanation.
The heating pipe leaks,
causing warm air to escape
which rises to the ceiling.
The air conditioner
condenses it into snow.
Oh, master, you are brilliant.
No, just desperate.
Clean up this mess and we'll
get out of here, all right?
Yes, master.
[GIGGLES]
[SIGHS]
[♪]
All right, Jeannie.
Remember,
when Dr. Bellows goes in,
wait one minute
and then let her rip.
Yes, master.
One minute.
All right, let's go.
M-master,
I do not have a watch.
I wonder if it matters
if it is on Arabian time.
I'm not looking forward
to this, Corbett.
Dr. Bellows has been
with this program for years.
But it can't be helped.
The man is a dingbat.
Watch yourself, doctor,
he's also my friend.
But you read the report,
general.
He's a menace and the sooner you
get him out of here, the better.
I suppose you're right.
Maybe we'll go to his office.
It'll make it seem less
like he's being called
on the carpet and fired.
No, general, it would be
so much better psychologically
if you were to order him
to your office...
We'll go to his office.
General Peterson?
[HUMMING]
Major.
Sir.
General, uh, weren't you
supposed to have your meeting
in your office at noon?
We've decided to have it
in Dr. Bellows' office instead.
[♪]
Dr. Bellows?
He's probably waiting
in your office, sir.
Oh.
It must have stopped.
It's snowing.
Major Nelson has done it again.
Jeannie.
We are right on schedule,
master.
It is snowing inside.
Well, turn it off in there
and turn it on
in Dr. Bellows' office.
We made a mistake.
Oh, we did?
Yes.
Oh, yes, master.
Right away.
Major Nelson.
Major Nelson.
I know you're
around here somewhere.
Dr. Bellows.
Oh, uh, General Peterson.
Quick, it's snowing
in your office.
Snowing in my office.
You don't have to believe me.
Just look.
But it was snowing.
I swear it.
Major Nelson is behind this.
He did it once before.
It's in my report.
It's on page a hundred and...
There, there, doctor.
Now you just relax.
Everything is going
to be all right.
General, I assure you,
I was sitting in that chair...
All right, all right.
It suddenly snowed.
I assure you it was snowing.
I was sitting in your office.
Dr. Corbett, I saw it,
I felt it...
Oh, Major Nelson.
Tell 'em, you made it snow.
Tell them.
Um, well, as a matter of fact,
it could happen...
Shh, shh, don't upset him.
Where are you taking him, sir?
I'm going to take him
and get him
some nice warm snow boots.
[♪]
Poor Dr. Bellows.
Poor me, I got Corbett
to deal with.
Oh, do not worry, master.
I will help you.
Yeah, me too.
We've just got to stay calm.
Yeah, well, Roger,
we can stay calm,
but just realize that after
Corbett's finished with me,
he's gonna start on you.
Me? Oh, me?!
We got work to do.
Gotta make plans.
How can you be calm
at a time like this?
Jeannie, blink him to Australia.
Shall I, master?
No.
I've got a plan, Roger.
I like mine better.
Australia, Jeannie.
Relax, Roger, relax.
You're gonna be his secretary.
Oh, no, master.
I could not work for a man
who is your enemy.
You're not gonna work for him,
you're gonna work against him.
Oh, well, I like that better.
Oh, I'm sure she'll be fine,
major, fine, fine, fine.
As long as she can type
and file, take shorthand.
Can you, sergeant?
Shorthand?
Oh, heh, oh, yes.
All right, then thank you
for recommending her, major.
My pleasure, sir.
And don't forget
we have an appointment
at, uh, 4:00
with the, uh, hypno-disk.
Four o'clock,
I wouldn't forget that, sir.
Uh, goodbye, sir.
All right, sergeant,
take a letter.
[♪]
I-I can't seem
to find my glasses.
[GIGGLES]
They're on your nose, doctor.
Oh, they're on my...
Oh, good, good.
Heh, heh.
Good luck, Dr. Corbett.
Have you got your steno pad?
Oh, no, but I will get it.
Uh, now then, this letter goes
to the director
of Medical Services.
Do you not wish to know
how I got my notepad and pencil
without getting up
from my chair?
Sergeant, how you do your job
is of no concern to me,
only that you do it properly.
Now, this letter goes
to the director
of Medical Services.
Mmm.
Dear director
of Medical Services...
[BOTH LAUGHING]
You mean, his glasses
just popped in on his nose?
When she gets through with him,
he'll wish he'd never
set foot at NASA.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
Ah, therefore in my case,
I felt that the standard
office furniture would not do.
Yours truly, Farley Corbett.
Uh, sergeant,
do you have the time?
My watch seems to have stopped.
Oh, I am sorry, doctor,
I do not have a watch.
Well, then, find a clock.
[BELLS TOLLING]
Never mind,
there's a clock outside.
[BUZZES]
Yes?
CORBETT:
Sergeant?
Yes, doctor.
Get me Sergeant Krober
immediately.
Yes, doctor.
What am I doing here?
I sent for you.
All right, I want you
to take this over
to the base pharmacy,
have it filled and take it over
to the resident at the hospital.
Have him give it
to Dr. Bellows as directed.
Well, sergeant,
what are you waiting for?
I figured as long as I came in
without coming through the door,
I could leave the same way.
Out.
Uh, yes, general,
I got the call.
Uh, yes, sir.
I'll have the report in
by Monday morning. Right.
Oh.
May I call you back, sir?
Thank you.
Yes, yes, few minutes.
Master, I have done everything
you said and he has not paid
the slightest bit
of attention to me.
All right. We'll have
to move on to Phase 2.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
If Corbett is
that far out of it,
he may be easier to live with
than Dr. Bellows, huh?
Roger, if Corbett hypnotizes me
or pumps me full of truth serum,
he'll find out
all about Jeannie.
No, no, it's time to move up
to heavy artillery.
Yes, master.
Well, that ought to fix him.
Jeannie, would you please
get rid of this.
Oh, but, master, you said
you wanted heavy artillery,
this is the finest ever made.
No, no.
Now, I want a bear.
A bear?
Up in Dr. Corbett's office.
You mean, a bear, a grizzly bear
with grizzly teeth and hair?
I hope you know
what you're doing.
So do I.
A bear?
A bear.
[GROWLS]
[♪]
[GROWLS]
[MAKING TICKING NOISES]
Well, major, are you ready
for our session?
Are you ready to tell me
your innermost secrets?
I thought I heard a noise
in the closet.
Oh, did you?
I didn't hear anything.
I know your
delaying tactics now, major.
No, no, no, it sounded
like a bear.
A bear?
Yes.
You can tell me
all about it under hypnosis.
Here we go now, major.
Watch the hypno-disk.
[♪]
[GROWLS]
CORBETT:
You're getting sleepy.
You're getting very sleepy.
Sleepy.
Your lids are very heavy.
Are you sleepy, major?
Sleepy, sleepy.
Uh-huh.
Yeah, yeah.
[LAUGHS]
I'll tell you what, uh...
[GROWLS]
Okay?
Can I get back to you later?
Something's come up.
Y-you probably
don't recognize me,
but I'm Roger Healey.
Dr. Corbett's next door.
It's a very easy mistake,
it's just two doors away.
Ha, ha. Uh...
Smoke? Smoke, Mr. Bear?
Smokey the Bear.
[GROWLS]
Now you are in a deep,
hypnotic trance.
[SNAPS FINGERS]
You will answer
with complete truthfulness
any question that I put to you.
Question to me.
I hear a bear.
Oh, yes, that's the noise
you heard before.
You think it's a bear?
Yes, a bear. A big bear.
A big black bear.
Mm-hm.
Major, when you were
a little boy,
did you ever go hunting
with your father?
Hunting.
Yes, with my dad.
Hunting.
Hunting bear.
Where are you now, major?
I'm in the big piny woods,
with Dad.
[♪] That feels wonderful.
[GROWLS] But I really must go.
[GROWLS]
Just make yourself at home.
Use the phone.
Make a long-distance call.
[GROWLING]
Show me the bear.
There's the bear.
Wait a minute, major.
We're not getting anywhere
with this.
You're getting sleepy.
You don't see a...
Very sleepy. Your eyelids
are getting heavy.
Very heavy.
You are getting very sleepy.
Now, wait a minute, major,
what's going on?
TONY:
Just look over there.
Now when I say three,
I want you to go to sleep.
Three.
[MUTTERING]
Sleep. Sleep.
Roger, the bear, the bear.
The bear's in my office.
In your...?
How did he get in there?
How'd he get in there?
He just walked in there.
We gotta get him out of there
before Peterson sees
or we're dead.
You get him out of there.
Have you seen this bear?
This is not a small bear.
The other way.
Other way, this is the way.
[♪]
Let's see now, where were we?
Oh, yeah, we're in
the piny woods hunting a bear.
[GROWLS]
Very remarkable.
Your illusion is so strong,
I almost think I hear him.
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
What...?
What are you doing, major?
I, oh...
Put me down.
All right, act out your fantasy
if you must, major.
Easy does it, now.
I thought you said
he was in your office.
Don't you think I know a bear
when I see one?
We gotta find him.
You gotta find him.
You find him.
Shh, be quiet.
Don't tell me to be quiet...
[GROWLS]
[MUMBLING]
...you're hallucinating...
Oh! Oh, dear.
Jeannie.
Oh, master, I'm sorry.
Don't worry about a thing.
I put Dr. Corbett to sleep
with his own hypno-disk.
Watch out, watch out.
Yeah, I'm watching out.
Good heavens, a bear.
[GROWLS]
A bear?!
Shall I do something?
No, Jeannie, stay away from him.
Sir, maybe you better stay...
Major, where did
that bear come from
and what's he doing
with Dr. Corbett?
Oh, yeah, Dr. Corbett...
Yeah, the bear...
General Peterson, is that you?
Don't pay any attention
to this, sir.
It's just Major Nelson
acting out
his childhood fantasies.
What did he say?
Dr. Corbett thinks
the bear is me, sir.
That doesn't explain
who the bear thinks he is.
Oh, major, you're heavy.
Um, sir, frankly,
I think Dr. Corbett's
a little strange.
A little strange?
That's putting it charitably
to say the least.
Now, how are we gonna get him
away from the bear?
How do we get him
away from the bear?
Uh, oh. This young lady
is the bear's keeper.
All right, major,
I'll leave it in your hands.
You're reassigned
to Dr. Bellows.
And get that bear out of here.
[GROWLS] Aah!
Right now.
[LAUGHS]
You've done it again, master.
Yeah, I think I've pretty
well done it again.
[BEAR GROWLING]
Good heavens, there's a bear?
Jeannie, will you
get rid of it, please?
Oh.
Huh?
Dr. Corbett, what are you
doing on the floor?
What's going on here?
The bear, it was sitting on me,
and when he got up,
I fell on the floor.
The bear.
Mm-hm.
Really?
Yes.
Oh, doctor, why don't you just
sit down here on the couch
for a moment.
Now, uh, as you were saying.
The bear.
The big black bear.
Mama bear or papa bear?
I don't know,
it was a big hairy bear.
[♪]