I Dream of Jeannie (1965–1970): Season 3, Episode 4 - My Turned-On Master - full transcript

Jeannie gives Tony her powers for 24 hours.

[♪]

[INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER]

MAN [ON TV]: The capsule has just
come into view of our cameras.

And it looks as if it will
land right on target.

Well, we can all breathe
a sigh of relief now

because everything seems
to be A-okay here

as astronauts Tony Nelson
and Roger Healey chalk up

another successful
U.S. space mission.

This one went off
without a hitch

from start to finish.

Later we'll be seeing
actual films



of Major Nelson's walk in space.

[INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER]

MAN [ON TV]: There goes the
capsule into the water now.

Less than two miles from
the recovery ship's position.

Helicopters are on their way
to pick them up.

And in just a few minutes,
we will give you

your first look
at the returning astronauts.

Mmm! I cannot wait!

[GIGGLES]

Unfasten your seat belts,
ladies and gentlemen.

We're home.

On our next flight,
let's ask for a stewardess.

Welcome home, master.

Jeannie, what are you doing?



If you do not know,
I must be doing it wrong.

You've gotta get outta here!

They're gonna open up
the capsule.

Not for a minute.
Look.

TONY: Will you, Jeannie...?
Cut it out, will you?

MAN [ON TV]: The helicopters
are approaching the capsule.

And soon now the divers
will be lowered into the water.

[♪]

ROGER: Hey, look at that.
That's us.

Oh, I missed you so much,
master.

Well, I missed you too.

Let's talk about it
some other time.

Will you go home now?

[POUNDING ON CAPSULE]

They're here.

Everything all right in there?

Oh, yes, everything is lovely!

Man, they've been up too long.

[♪]

[♪]

[♪]

[♪]

Master, what time are
we supposed to be

at the press banquet tonight?

Well, the dinner
starts at 7, but...

Uh, we're not gonna
be there, Jeannie.

You're not going.
No, uh-uh.

One blink from you

and they'd put me back up
in space permanently.

But, master...
Master, please.

What if I promise
from this moment on

not to use any of my power?

Ahem.
You'd forget.

Oh, no, I would not.

I put my, uh, briefcase
around here someplace. I...

Please, master,
I would not forget.

You see.
Huh?

[GASPS] I forgot.

Oh, but I would not
this evening.

I would be very careful...
No, I'm sorry, Jeannie.

It just wouldn't work out.
Honestly.

Uh, you and I will have dinner
together tomorrow night.

Just the two of us, okay?

Very well, master.
I'll see you later.

[♪]

Wait, master!

[CHUCKLING] Jeannie, I'm late.

Master, I have a wonderful idea.
Yeah?

What if I transferred
my power for 24 hours?

Then you would not have
to worry about me tonight.

Transferred your power?
Uh, could you do that?

Oh, of course.
Yeah?

I will show you.

[MAGIC BOINGS]

There. It is done.

Are you sure?

Oh, yes, master.
I will prove it to you.

I will try to blink you to work.
Okay.

Well, I'm still here.

[LAUGHS] Okay, young lady.

You...
You got a deal.

You got a deal.
Oh, thank you, master!

I can't tell you
how relieved I am

not to have to worry
about you tonight.

Aw.
See you then.

Wait until my master finds out

who I have transferred
my power to.

[SQUEALS]

Mmm.

[MOTOR SPUTTERS]

[SIGHS]

Having a little trouble, Pedro?

Heh. No, Señor Nelson.

I'm having a lot of trouble.

This mower, she no good no more.

Yeah, well, keep trying.
It'll start.

[MOTOR STARTS]

You're right!

Yeah, well,
from the sound of it,

it's more powerful than my car.

[CHUCKLING] Yeah.

[♪]

[SCREAMS]

Help! Help! Stop!

Stop!

[WOMEN SCREAM]

Uh, well, hang on
just a second. Let me see.

It's, uh, Colonel Cochran.

He has a couple of aunts
in from Denver,

and they wanna meet
some real live astronauts.

Wants to have lunch with us
in the commissary.

No, thanks.

Um, I'm sorry, sir,

uh, I don't think
we can make it today.

Yeah... Well, we're really up
to our ears in paperwork.

Yeah.

What happened?

[CHUCKLING] I don't know.

It's the craziest thing
I've ever see...

No, oh, not...
Not you, colonel.

[CHUCKLING] No.

Uh, I'm sorry we can't come.

Roger and I send our apologies.

Yes, sir.

G-goodbye.

Oh, Major Nelson,
here are the reports on...

You're up to your ears
in papers.

You noticed that too, sir.

Major, why are you up
to your ears in papers?

Well, uh, do, uh...?

We, uh...

ROGER: We're cleaning
out the files, sir.

The window was open, and it blew
all the papers all over.

Yeah, that's right.

We're 40 feet below
ground level.

There are no windows here.

The air conditioner...
Uh, no, actually, what...

Uh, please.

What do you suppose
really happened?

Jeannie, that's what happened.

Let's get outta here.

You told me that she gave up
her power for 24 hours.

Yeah, but she lied.

And just for that,
I'm not gonna take her tonight.

She's gonna be pretty upset.
She's gonna be upset?

Look at this mess.

Aw, don't worry,
I'll help you with it.

Thanks, Roge, you're a brick.

Roger?

Roger, is this you?
Roge?

Speak to me, will ya?

Major Nelson.
Yes?

Who are you talking to?

Uh, oh, no... No one, sir.
No one. Nothing.

Um...

You were talking to this brick.

That'd be ridiculous, sir.
Oh, would it?

It's just a normal, everyday,
run-of-the-mill brick. It's...

What happened to Major Healey?

Major who?
Oh, Major Healey.

Oh, yeah,
he was around here some... I...

I'll see you both in my office
in 10 minutes.

Dr. Bellows?
Uh, yes?

May I have my brick?

Oh, yes.

Here we are.
[YELLS]

There's no need
to get so excited.

After all, it's only a brick,
major, you said so yourself.

Uh, yes, sir.
Yes, sir.

But I need it as a paperweight
for all the paper

because of the wind
and the window.

[CHUCKLING] You know.

No, I don't know.

But I will, major.
I will.

[♪]

All right, Jeannie,
now that is enough.

I want Roger back
in his original form.

You sure are cute, Roge.

Jeannie, I want him back the way
he was a few minutes ago.

[YAWNING]

Oh, hi, Tony, what happened?

You were a baby.

I mean recently.

Well, Jeannie turned you
into a brick.

A what?

Would you get down, please?
I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Yeah...
Turned me into a brick?

That's right.
And I've had it, man.

Look at this place.
Will you just look at it?

I've had it!
Right up to...

Well, we've done that.

Jeannie, I want this place
cleaned up.

Well, one thing about Jeannie,

she doesn't do things halfway,
does she?

I don't know
what's gotten into her.

Uh... Jeannie, I want
this equipment back right now.

Ow!

Boy, she is playful today,
isn't she?

Jeannie, would you please
go home and stop this?

You know, this is not
like her, Roger.

She was really...
Had her heart set on...

On going to that dinner
tonight. Jeannie!

Or maybe you scared her
into going home.

Huh? Oh...

[DIALING PHONE]

[♪]

[RINGING]

[DEEP VOICE]
Major Nelson's residence.

Uh, Jeannie?
[NORMAL VOICE] Oh, master,

I am so glad that you called.

I did not want to disturb you
at work, and I...

You wouldn't wanna disturb me
at work?

What have you been doing?

Well, I have been cooking.

And, you know, I have discovered
that without my power

I am a terrible cook.

Jeannie, look...

I have ruined three cakes.

Tsk. I am sorry, master.

You made me a promise, Jeannie.

I know.

Wait until you see the dress
I am going to wear tonight.

Hmm. I am afraid I had
to buy it at a department store.

Well, you can just take it back

because you're not
going tonight.

But you promised that you would
take me with you tonight.

Yeah, on condition that
you wouldn't use your magic,

remember?
I remember, and I have not...

Place has been
a disaster area all morning.

Now, no more tricks,
you understand?

[LINE CLICKS] Master?

Master? Master!

Ooh!

Disaster area? Oh!

You were... You were kinda rough
on her, weren't you?

Sometimes you have to be, Roge.

That's the only way
she'll understand.

Yeah. Boy, imagine her
turning me into a brick. Whew.

[CHUCKLING] Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, it's...
It's amazing,

a girl have
all that wonderful power

and have absolutely no idea
how to use it constructively.

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

[♪]

Run out of gas, will ya!?

It is out of gas!

[YELLS]

Look out!

I could solve the problems
of the whole world.

What?

Oh, I was just thinking
out loud.

If I had Jeannie's power,

I could solve the problems
of the whole world.

There's probably nothing
I couldn't do.

Yeah, a chateau
with a swimming pool

and a lot of beautiful girls
in bikinis sitting around it.

That's not exactly
what I had in mind.

You stick to your dreams,
and I'll stick to mine.

It's gonna be a scorcher today,
you know that?

I wish it would rain.

Ah, not a chance,
the weatherman says it...

It's raining.

It couldn't be raining.
The sun's out.

It's probably one of those freak
tropical storms, huh?

Yeah.
BELLOWS: Major Nelson.

Oh, hi, doctor.

We were just on our way
over to see you.

What?
It's raining on you.

Yes, sir.

Well, yes,
it's raining on everybody.

Well, I...

Well, almost everybody.

This is extraordinary.

BELLOWS:
All right, gentlemen.

Now, I just want you
to say anything

that comes into your mind.

I'd like to get outta here.

I beg your pardon.
Well, you said,

say the first thing
that came to my mind.

No one's going anywhere

until I get
a satisfactory explanation.

Uh, well, there's really nothing
to explain, sir. We...

Uh, this morning,
I found you literally

up to your ears in paper.

Oh, yes, well, I, uh...
We explained that.

Roger said the wind, remember?

Major, there was no wind.

He's got you there.
Thanks, Roge.

A few minutes later,
I walked into your office

and you were holding
a conversation with a brick.

Oh, I can explain that, sir.
That was me.

Roger.
That was I?

Lie down.

Uh, sir, I was just
speaking out loud.

I was trying to work out
one of my problems.

Oh, and now we're getting
somewhere.

What, uh, is your problem,
Major Nelson?

Ahem.
The inversion temperature

at which silver iodide
becomes effective, sir.

I beg your pardon.

Uh, we're trying to create
artificial rain,

and we seed the air
with silver iodide.

Yeah, and it worked too, didn't it?
Yeah.

You mean you're able
to make it rain only on you?

Well, I was starting small,
but in time I was hoping that...

Oh, never mind, never mind.

That'll be all today, gentlemen.

Well, doc, thanks
for the use of the couch.

Yeah. Thanks.

Oh, and, Major Nelson.

Yes, sir?

I just want you to know
that you're not deceiving me.

Oh, I don't wish
to deceive you, sir.

You'd be surprised
how much better you'd feel

if you'd unburden yourself.

Well, believe me, doctor, I...

I wish I could unload
my problem on you.

[MAGIC BOINGS]

But I don't know what it is.

Uh, will that be all, sir?

That'll be all for now.

Thank you, sir.

Jeannie.
Oh, master,

I tried to call you back...

What's the matter
with you anyway?

Who? What is the matter
with me?

Yeah, you genies are all alike.

Promises, promises, promises.

When it comes to delivery,
nothing, absolutely nothing.

What are you talking about?

Today, today. All these tricks
you've been...

You've been driving me crazy
with these tricks...

Let's finish up the dictation
over here, miss.

Hi, George.

But I have done nothing.

I... I told you
I transferred my power.

Oh, sure, you did.
Sure, you did.

You transferred your power.
To you.

To me.

To me?!

You transferred
your power to me?

Yes, master.

Y-you mean I did it?

You did what, master?

Everything.

Uh... Tons of paper
in the room and...

And changing Roger into a brick.

[GIGGLES]
[LAUGHS]

Now, uh, Jeannie,
you should have told me.

I could have gotten somebody
in terrible trouble.

But everything
is all right now, master?

Yeah, everything's just great.

Help!

There are no limits
to this power, are there?

Oh, no, master,
but you must be very careful

of what you say.

[CHUCKLING]
Yeah, now you tell me.

What are you going to do?

I don't really know.

I'm going to have to give it
some thought, Jeannie.

I could, uh...

I could stop a war.

Flood the Sahara.

Wipe out the common cold.

I really don't know
where to begin.

May I give you some advice,
master?

Well, that's very kind
of you but...

with a power like mine,

I don't really need
your advice, Jeannie.

I could put an Apollo capsule
on the moon.

Master.
Hmm?

Please be careful.
It is not as easy as it seems.

It...
What do you mean?

Well, your world
is very complicated.

If you stop one war,

you're liable
to start 10 others.

And if you flood the Sahara,
you may empty an ocean.

Oh, believe me, master,
it would be much better

if you would start
with something smaller.

I think you'd better run along,
Jeannie.

Let me handle this.
After all, it's man's work.

When I was doing it,
it was woman's work.

Yeah... Ahem.
Just go on home,

that's a good girl.

Mm-mm. I... I...
I do not want to leave you.

[CLEARS THROAT]
Well, let's put it this way:

I'm not asking you to go home,

I'm telling you, or better yet,

I wish you to go home.

You're still here.

What...? What's wrong?
Yes.

I do not know, master.

But you gave me the power,
didn't you?

Oh, yes, master.

You did not give it
to someone else, did you?

Well, how could I have?

I didn't even know I had it.

I remember five minutes ago,
I said to Dr. Bellows,

I wish I could unload
my problems on you.

[♪]

Oh, master.

Oh, Dr. Bellows.

Has the painter arrived yet?

Oh, good.

How do you like the new color?

Oh, it looks wonderful.

I was absolutely right
about the green.

The green?

I thought we agreed the house
was going to be yellow?

No, dear,
it's going to be green.

Amanda, we discussed this,
and I told the painter

we were going to use yellow.

I want the house painted yellow.

AMANDA:
Now... Now don't be unreasonable.

Darling, it has to be green.

It matches my new green outfit.

So no matter
how I feel about it,

the house is now being
painted green.

Oh!

Darling, I didn't know you felt
so strongly about this.

I'm sorry, dear, he's...

He's practically finished
painting it green.

I mean, I don't see how
we could possibly stop him.

Amanda, I don't care
what it costs.

I will not live
in a green house.

I want the house yellow.

Alfred, you're being childish.

Now, darling, remember,
you're a psychiatrist.

I mean you're supposed to set
an example for people.

Amanda, you're unleashing
my hostilities.

All right, darling,
let's say we compromise.

Very well.
Green and yellow.

[AMANDA SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

What time will
I see you tonight, dear?

All right, bye. Bye.

[♪]

[KNOCKING ON DOOR] Come in.

Dr. Bellows.
Yes?

Is everything all right, sir?

Well, of course
everything is all right,

why wouldn't it be all right?

Uh, nothing's happening, huh?

Happening?

N-nothing strange
or anything like that?

I don't know
what you're talking about.

[CHUCKLING] Well...

Good. Good.
Then I...

These are all in order,
Dr. Bellows.

Oh, uh, thank you, Major Healey.

Now if there's nothing else,
gentlemen, I, uh...

I'd like to get on
and finish my speech

for the press conference
tonight.

Oh, uh, I'm introducing you.

Oh, I really don't think
you ought to go to that, sir.

Not go? Well, anything
could happen.

You know...
Don't be ridiculous, major.

Why, I... I wouldn't miss
this night for anything.

You're going to have to be very
careful of what you say, sir.

Well, I know what I'm going
to say, major.

"Ladies and gentlemen,

"I make my small contribution
to the space program

"behind a desk.

"But like everyone else,
in my heart

I wish I could trade places
with Major Anthony Nelson."

Hmm. What...?
What happened?

We changed places.

You were standing over here.

No, I just moved a little, sir.

Moved a little?

You were standing...
Why don't you run along?

Uh, doctor, I really don't think
you ought to go, sir.

But I saw...
I'm going.

And I'm going to make
my speech tonight.

Now let's just say
that this is the table...

Well, it's the speakers' table
where we'll be sitting tonight.

Ladies and gentlemen...

If you say so, sir.

If you say so?
Look at that.

Uh, he's trying to get us

to imagine
the surrounding, Roger.

Yeah, I can see it
as plain as day.

Oh, uh, I'm not feeling
very well.

Of course you're not, sir,

you've been
under a terrific strain.

Yes.

It is a banquet table, I...
I can feel it.

I can smell the food.

I've never had
an experience like this.

Well, you're
a psychiatrist, sir,

you know how powerful
the subconscious can be.

You could get rid of the table
if you wanted to.

I could?

TONY: All you have to do is say
I wish the table was gone.

I wish the table would go away.

And I wish my desk was back.

And I wish my desk was back.

It's back!

Excuse me.

Boy, have I got
a powerful subconscious.

It was never gone, sir.
It was all in your mind.

All in my mind.

Yes, sir.

You wish I had your problem.

I wish you had my problem.

[MAGIC BOINGS]

Will somebody please tell me
what's going on!?

Nothing's going on.
Everything's fine.

ROGER: Yeah.
TONY: Dr. Bellows

is the happiest man
in the world.

[LAUGHING]

[♪]

[♪]

You about ready, Jeannie?

Tsk. Oh, I am sorry, master,
but I am having a terrible time

with my hair.

I simply do not how to use
these silly things.

Well, don't worry about it,
your hair will be beautiful.

Oh, you did that very well,
master.

Thank you.

Now I only have one problem.
I... I can't wait until tomorrow.

I can give you
your power back to you.

Well, I told you
it was not easy.

Yeah. Well...

I won't have the problem
of not letting any magic loose

all over the place.

[CHUCKLES] That is very simple.
Simply do not talk.

Well, it's not as simple
as all that.

I mean, it's a press dinner,

they're gonna be asking
a lot of questions.

I wish I could
get through the evening

without uttering a single word.

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

[LAUGHS]

I think you've solved
your problem, master.

[GIGGLES]

Well, blink.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Testing, one, two, three, four.

[BOTH LAUGH]

I just have to be careful.

Don't worry about a thing,

I won't make any mistakes.
Yes, master.

Let's go.

[SIGHS]

Hey! Hey, Pedro!

Stop, stop.

Say, you shouldn't work so late,
you're gonna ruin your health.

Working?
It's the lawn mower.

Well, I wouldn't worry
about that,

that motor's gonna run
for years.

Well, let's go to the banquet.

Yes, master.

[♪]