I Dream of Jeannie (1965–1970): Season 3, Episode 17 - Genie, Genie, Who's Got the Genie?: Part 2 - full transcript

Jeannie gets trapped in a NASA safe that is being sent to the moon.

[♪]

MAN [OVER SPEAKER]:
Three, two, one, zero.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER
OVER RADIO]

There's gotta be some way
of stopping that thing.

Jeannie! Jeannie!

Beautiful.

Just beautiful.
Oh.

Roger, Jeannie's locked
in the moon safe.

She... She's on her way
to the moon.

Every time I see one
of those things,

I get a lump in my throat.



She was counting on us, Roger,
and we let her down.

Look at that thing move.

Don't you understand?!
Jeannie's gone.

Uh, no, she... No, she isn't.
What a perfect blastoff.

We let her down, Roger.

She's gonna be up there
all alone.

She's gonna be helpless.
She... What'd you say?

You know the moon safe
Jeannie was locked in? Yeah?

Well, it wasn't loaded
in the rocket.

What are you talking about?
I saw it on the tar...

They brought it out.
No, something else. No, no.

Jeannie's right here
in the safe, right here.

I made a switch.

You're kidding!
You did?!



[LAUGHS]
Really? Where is she?

She's in the final
assembly room.

What's gotten into you?
Come on!

Ah, what a beautiful,
beautiful...

Come on!

ROGER:
Wait. Wait a minute.

TONY: Roge...
Just relax.

I know exactly where it is.
Look, there's no prob... Oh.

What are you doing over there?

Tony, relax.

I told you there's no problem.
I left it right over here and...

Oh. Oh, wait a minute.

Oh, it was right here.

The Professor and Charley
were trying to get it open.

The Professor and Charley?
You left Jeannie with them?

They're safecrackers.
They're professional criminals.

But they're working for us.
Why would they wanna steal it?

Those dirty crooks.

That's what crooks do.
They steal things.

Ah. Wait till they open it up
and find Jeannie inside.

Boy, are they in
for a surprise. Whoo.

Not what I'm worried about.
What do you mean?

Well, if they try to force
that safe open or even get

the combination wrong,
it'll explode.

What are we gonna do?

Come on.

[♪]

[♪]

[♪]

What do you think, Professor?

I think I got it figured out.

What do you mean, you think?
Come on, try it.

You... You heard
what the major said.

We turn the numbers
to the right combination,

we get what's in the safe.

CHARLEY:
Right.

We turn the numbers
to the wrong combination,

and we get blown up.

I would give anything
to know what's in there.

Some technical thing
that ain't worth a nickel.

No, I have a feeling
that whatever's in there

is priceless.

CHARLEY: But what good
is it gonna do us

if it's in the safe
and we can't get it open?

What good is it going to do us
if it blows us to pieces?

One wrong number
and "pa-chow!"

You mean you believe that, uh...
"Pa-chow!"

I ain't been to college,
Professor,

but even I know a con job
when I hear one.

Oh?

Come on, give me this thing.

Go ahead, you... You try it.
I will.

[WHISTLING]

Where you going?

I'll wait for you outside.
You wait right here.

Here.

[STAMMERS]

[SIGHS] Here goes.

One wrong number?

That's what the major said.

[LAUGHS]

He was bluffing.
Pfft.

[LAUGHS]

Here goes.

Did you try it yet?

What?

Did you try it yet?

No. But I will, I will.

[GASPS]

Hah...

Professor, Professor.
What's the matter?

Ticktock, ticktock.
What do you mean, ticktock?

Ticktock, ticktock.
Ticktock, ticktock?

[WHIMPERS]

[♪]

There must be some way
to find those crooks.

How about an ad
in the San Quentin Journal?

Hey. We go to the Pink Horse,
that's where we met 'em.

How do we know they're there?
Because that's their hangout.

And besides, it's the only thing
I could think of.

[♪]

BELLOWS: Uh, Major
Nelson, Major Healey.

Yes, sir.

You both must be
terribly excited

about the success
of the moon shot.

I haven't been able
to think of anything else.

Tomorrow, we should have photos
from the surface of the moon.

I can't wait to see them.

Neither can we.

If you'll excuse us, sir,
we have someone to meet.

Yeah, we have this deal
locked up, and it's...

[PHONE RINGING]

Uh... Oh, uh, uh,
Major Nelson, your phone.

Major?

[♪]

Professor, we either open
the safe or we don't,

but this is crazy.

Please, Charley,
use your imagination.

Something's valuable in that, right?
Right.

Well, the major
will pay plenty for them,

whether it's open or not.

Because one thing... Shh.
BELLOWS: Hello?

He's on, here. Hello.

Hello.

Now, you listen to me.
Keep your mouth shut.

We have got your safe.

Safe? What safe?

Who is this?

The moon safe, chum.

And if you ever expect
to see it again,

you'll follow instructions
implicitly.

No, you listen.

This is a government
installation.

Trying to start a joke around
here can get you into trouble.

Look here.
This is no joke.

You do exactly what we say
and follow instructions

or we'll blow the safe up.

Fine, blow it up.

[LINE CLICKS] Excuse me...

I hate practical jokers.

He said,
"Go ahead, blow it up."

I'm getting...

I don't know what
this country's coming to.

I mean, the government's
not willing to pay ransom

for a valuable piece
of property.

That's why taxes are so high.

We've got a white elephant
on our hands.

We can't open the safe,
and nobody else wants it.

Professor, let's get rid of it.

Guess we've got
no other choice, huh?

[SIGHS] I tell you, this is
enough to make a guy turn honest,

you know what I mean?

Oh.

Uh, could you help us, please?

Yes.
What'll it be, gents?

We're here on official
Air Force business.

Uh, if you could give us
some information.

We're looking
for a couple of guys

named the Professor
and, uh, Charley.

Do you happen to know
where they live?

Ah. How should I know?

You don't have to register here
to get a drink.

[LAUGHS]

Don't I know you guys?

Withholding information

from a federal agency
is a crime, you know?

That's Section 102,
Area Code 213...

All right, Roge.
...ZIP code...

I don't know where they live.

They just come in here

every once in a while,
that's all.

Shall we take him in

or you think
he's telling the truth?

I think he's telling the truth.

All right, we'll wait
over here. Come on, Roge.

You gonna wait
till they come in?

That's right.
That's right.

Two black coffees.

They might not be in for days.

Well, make that
four black coffees.

Yeah, but...

So?

[♪]

Ten bucks.

Ten bucks? For a valuable piece
of property like this?

Wha...? Look how heavy it is.
Look.

Oh!

WOMAN: What am I gonna do with
a safe that doesn't even open?

Well, you could use it
for, uh, a paperweight.

Yeah, paperweight.

Nothing but scrap.

Ten bucks.

All right, we'll take it.

What, take it? You give it.

It's gonna cost me that
to have it hauled away.

For heaven's sakes.

[♪]

Good morning. NASA.
Just a moment please.

Uh, get me General Ashley
in Honolulu,

would you, Miss Temple?

I'll take it in my office.

Good morning. NASA.
A moon safe?

Uh, I beg your pardon.
What did you say?

Just a moment, please.

There's someone calling
about a moon safe.

Oh, I warned them.
Plug me in, I'll take it.

On four, sir.

This is Dr. Bellows.

I've got an article here
that's marked, uh, "moon safe."

"Property of NASA"
stenciled on it.

You want it back
or shall I scrap it?

I don't think this is funny.

Well, neither do I.

It's taking up a lot of room.

Uh, miss,
it isn't possible that you...?

Uh, hold on a moment, will you?

Uh, get me Captain Stewart.

Captain Stewart, Dr. Bellows.
On six, sir.

Uh, hello, Captain Stewart.
This is Dr. Bellows.

Listen, you saw the moon safe

being loaded on the rocket,
didn't you?

Uh-huh. I did too.

Uh, no, no, no.
There's nothing wrong.

It's, uh...
I'm just double-checking.

Well, thank you. Goodbye.

Hello, miss.

About that safe...

Scrap it.

Get me General Ashley.

Well, it's the crusher for you.

[QUIETLY] Crusher?

Want another cup
of coffee, Roge?

No, I'm half-Brazilian now.

Hey, waiter.

They're here.
They're here.

Let's get 'em.
No, no, no, play it cool.

I don't want 'em
to make a run for it.

Yeah, play it cool.

You better get outta here.
You're hot.

The fuzz?

More like two escapees
from a nut house.

Over there in the corner.

Hey, come on, uh,
we can make it out the back.

Hold it. I think I see a chance
for us to turn a profit.

Come along, Charley.

They're coming over, Tony.

Now, remember, play it cool.
Yeah. Play it cool.

PROFESSOR: Well, gentlemen,
gentlemen, gentlemen,

how very nice to see you again.

[BOTH LAUGH]

I'm sorry
we missed connections earlier.

Yeah.

All right, where is it?
We gave it to...

We gave it to, uh,
somebody for safekeeping.

How much is it worth to you?

It's worth...
Wait a minute.

Know the penalty for stealing
government property?

Uh-huh. About the same
as the penalty

for someone who is
an accomplice to someone

who steals government property.

Now, wait a minute.
We didn't ask you to steal it,

we just asked you to open it.

Forget it, Roger.
I'll give you everything I got.

Oh, now, you're talking.
How much is that?

Uh, I've got 15 here.

Take it, Professor, take it.

That's five clear profit.

Here's another 5.
That's 20.

Are you trying to insult us?
The price is 20,000.

Here's another 5, that's 25.
That's 25.

Fine, 25,000.
Twenty-five thousand...

Twenty-five thousand?
I don't have that kind of money.

Sorry, we cannot do business,
I'm afraid.

TONY: Yeah, but wait
a minute, Professor.

CHARLEY:
Professor, take the money.

Take the money.
Oh, good thinking.

You know, I'm not very hard
to do business with. Okay, $25.

Oh, hi, Professor, Charley.

Uh, Annie, I would like
to talk to you.

Well, if it's about that safe,
forget it.

I've already sent it
to Harry's Scrap Yard.

BOTH:
Harry's Scrap Yard?

Excuse me, ma'am.
All right, let's go.

Master!

Master, please get me
out of here!

Oh, master, master, please!

Please get me out of here...
Ah!

I will... I will...

I will never be jealous again,
and I will be quiet.

Oh. I promise.
I pro... Ah!

I promise I'll be quiet.

I'll never drive your car.

[SOBBING]

[SCREAMS]

Master!

[♪]

[JEANNIE SCREAMS]

TONY:
Hey! Hey. Uh, sir.

Did anybody bring a safe
in here? A safe about this big?

Uh, yeah, yeah,
we just put it on the belt.

What belt?

Uh, over there.

It goes into the crusher.

The crusher?

The cru... Jeannie! Jeannie!

Jeannie?

Oh, that's a code name
for the safe.

You gotta stop that belt.

[STAMMERS]
Well, you can't from here.

The switch is on the crusher.
Oh, the crusher.

Jeannie! Oh!

Oh.

Did you see it?

No, not yet.
It's gotta be here someplace.

Sorry, fellas, you're too late.

It's already gone through.
Gone through what?

Through the crusher. Would have
come out the other side.

You wanna take a look?

No.

It'll probably look, about,
oh, like a sardine can.

I once put an automobile
through there.

Come out, oh, Fine, sir.

Size of a cigar box.

Why, I've even seen 'em
take a... A...

What's the matter with him?

[♪]

[SOBBING] Mama!

She's gone.

I'll never see her again, Roge.

[♪]

Do you remember how she used
to knock on her bottle

to get you to take the cork off?

[BOTH SIGH]

And that pretty pink smoke
would come out.

Yeah, and there she'd be,
just smiling and happy.

Then she'd say,
"How can I serve you, master?"

And you'd say,
"By getting back in the bottle

and staying there."

She was good, Roge.

Yeah.

I didn't deserve her.

Ah, no... You were rotten.
You were rotten, all right.

You want another one?

Maybe I will have one more.

What do you know?

Hello, space agency?

No. This is Harry's Scrap Yard.

Uh, listen, a couple
of your officers

were over here yesterday
asking about a safe.

Just a moment please.
[INTERCOM BUZZES]

Dr. Bellows, it's someone
about the safe again.

Will you take it, sir?

Your party's on the line, sir.
[INTERCOM BUZZES]

Good morning, Sue.

Good morning, Major Healey.

Thank you, I hope this coffee
is good and black this morning.

I could really use it.

Good morning. NASA.

I'm warning you, mister,

if we get one more prank
phone call about that safe

I'll have our security police,
the CIA and the FBI

on your neck so fast,
you won't know what hit you.

Now, you said
you were gonna scrap it.

Well, scrap it!

[LINE CLICKS]

Well, that's our government.

Yesterday, it was valuable.
Today, it's obsolete.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR] Come in.

Good morning, sir.

Here are the impact photos, sir.

Oh, good, let me see them.

Perfect landing.

There's only one peculiar thing.

Yeah? What's that?

We can't find the moon safe.

What do you mean,
you can't find it?

Probably buried in a dust drift.

No, sir. It's not there.

Miss Temple, the man
who called about that safe.

Did he say where he was?

Yes, sir.

Uh, Harry's Scrap Yard.

What did you say?

Harry's Scrap Yard.

Harry's Scrap Yard?!
Shh. Yes, sir.

This is most urgent,
Miss Temple.

Find the number
and call him back.

Tell him not to touch that safe
until I get there.

Oh, uh, excuse me.

Oh, uh, Stewart,

don't let those photos
out of your sight.

Yes, sir.

So, what about
Harry's Scrap Yard?

I don't know,
he wants me to call.

Who wants you to call them?

Dr. Bellows.
Dr. Bellows?

Miss Temple, did you get him?
I'm looking it up.

Oh, Dr. Bellows,
what about Harry's Scrap Yard?

You won't believe this, Major
Healey. You won't believe it.

But the moon safe,
our moon safe, is

in some place
called Harry's Scrap Yard.

I gotta get there
before they crush it.

Oh! Oh, you have...

Oh. Oh.

Oh...
Major... Major Healey!

That safe is supposed
to be on the moon.

I see no reason to celebrate.
Keep trying, Miss Temple.

Keep trying, Miss Temple.
Oh, wait for me, wait for me.

Colonel? Dr. Bellows.

[♪]

JEANNIE:
Help!

I can even hear her voice.

JEANNIE:
Help!

Jeannie?

Jeannie, is that you?

Master?

Well, where are you?

JEANNIE:
I am in the safe.

Huh? In the safe?

Where?

[GASPS] You're in here.

I can't believe it.
You mean, you weren't crushed?

You...? You're not as big
as a little cigar box?

Oh, master,
please get me out of here.

Don't you worry.
Don't you worry, I will.

Make it soon, please.

Are you certain
that safe is all right?

Yeah, sure. Your girl called me
just in time.

It's right over there.

Jeannie, I never knew
how much you meant to me

until this happened.

I'm never gonna let you
out of my sight again.

Look, I... I brought you
some flowers.

TONY: As soon as I
get you out of here,

I'm gonna take you
out to dinner.

I'm gonna buy you
the best candlelight dinner...

A candlelight dinner?

Uh, well, I...
I can explain, sir. It, uh...

BELLOWS:
Explain?

Being in love with a safe?

They haven't even got
a name for that one.

[♪]

All right, major,
are you sure you understand

why I'm leaving this safe
in your office?

Yes, sir,
because I asked you to.

Mm.

And, um...

why did I agree?

Because you want me to realize

that the safe
is an inanimate object

and it's silly for me to think
I'm in love with it.

Excellent.
I think we're making progress.

Now, just keep repeating
to yourself,

"It's just a safe.
It's just a safe."

[CLEARS THROAT]

It's just a safe.

It's just a safe.
Master?

Shhh!
Ah, ah, ah.

Major, no backsliding.

It's just a safe.
Just... Just a safe.

Jeannie, you've got
to be more careful.

I am sorry, master,

it's just that I hate it
in here.

When are you going
to get me out?

Any second now.

I just sent Roger to find
a Mr. Charles Fries.

Who is Mr. Charles Fries?

Well, he's the guy
who invented this thing.

He's gonna open it for us.

Oh, master, you are brilliant!

Thanks, Jeannie.

ROGER: He's here, Tony.
Ah.

This is Mr. Charles Fries.

Oh, boy, am I glad to see you.
How do you do?

Yeah.
There it is, beautiful.

She's my masterpiece.

ROGER: Could you open it?
We'd like to look inside.

What classic lines.
What artistry of design.

Yeah, well,
if anybody can open this,

you can, is that right?

That's right, major,

and I can't.
What?

Gentlemen, when Charles Fries
designs a safe to stay locked,

it stays locked.

Well, somebody's gotta be able
to open it.

Of course.

If you have the combination,
you can open it.

Well, who has it?

The president...
The president?

Of the United States.

Of the United States?
Of the United States?

[GASPS]

Jeannie? Jeannie?!

[♪]

[♪]