I Dream of Jeannie (1965–1970): Season 3, Episode 16 - Genie, Genie, Who's Got the Genie?: Part 1 - full transcript
Jeannie gets trapped in a NASA safe that is being sent to the moon.
[♪]
Well, this time tomorrow,
you and Major Healey
will be strolling down
the Via Veneto at Rome.
Hm, yes, sir. I'm
looking forward to it.
I want you and
Major Healey to remember
that this vacation
is strictly for R and R.
Rest and relaxation. [CHUCKLES]
I, uh, don't want you
to be lonely over there.
This is a letter
of introduction.
Oh. Thank you
very much, sir.
It's to my aunt. She's lived
in Italy for 50 years.
Oh.
Uh, she's a lot of fun.
Oh. Good, good, good.
Thanks very much. I'll...
I'll see you in two weeks.
Fine. Bon voyage.
[DOOR OPENS]
[DOOR CLOSES]
I can't believe it.
Two whole weeks
without Major Nelson.
Hm.
[♪]
Ha-ha.
"Caution, do not
close." I see.
Master, darling.
Oh. Hi, Jeannie.
Hm.
I am ready.
What are you doing? I told you
to stay home and wait for me.
Oh, I could not wait, master.
I am so excited.
Two whole weeks in Rome.
Ho-ho. I can hardly wait
to see Michelangelo again.
Yeah. But if anybody
discovers you're here,
both you and I, we're gonna have
to move in with Michelangelo.
Now, you go home and...
And start packing.
Oh. We are all packed.
We... For two weeks in Rome,
you're packed in that?
Well, you said you wanted
to travel light.
So I shrunk everything.
[LAUGHING]
It's kind of cute.
[FOOTSTEPS]
Somebody's coming.
Someone's coming.
Go on, go on. Get out.
Oh!
How is this?
Huh? Where are you?
Down here in the big box.
Huh?
And here.
Take that.
No, I don't mean in there.
I mean, go home.
Ahh!
Oh, I'm sorry, Tony.
Are you okay?
Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine.
Hey, is this the baby
they're sending up to the moon?
Yes.
Well, what are you doing?
What's up?
It's locked.
What do you mean it's locked?
It's locked!
What's wrong?
Jeannie's in there.
Jeannie's in there?
Well, why would they want to
send Jeannie to the moon?
Jeannie's in there?
JEANNIE:
Master?
Master?!
Please let me out of here.
I do not want to go to the moon.
Let me out of here!
[♪]
[♪]
Don't worry, Jeannie. Tony went
to get the combination.
We'll have you out of there
in a minute. Please!
I am not ready
to go to the moon.
Dr. Bellows.
Oh, major.
I thought you'd be
halfway to Rome by now.
I was just on my way, sir.
Oh, by the way, I was wondering
if you could give me
the combination
to the moon safe.
[LAUGHING]
Very funny. I'll
see you in two weeks.
[LAUGHING]
Ah, but could you give me
the combination, sir?
Major, I'm very busy at the
moment. Why do you want it?
Oh. It's nothing
to worry about.
It's just that I accidentally
shut the door.
You what?!
Yeah. And it...
And it locked.
But it's nothing to worry about.
Can you give me the combination?
Nobody knows the combination!
Nobody knows the combination?
Get me General Sullivan.
Sir, what good is a safe if
nobody knows the combination?
Uh, General Sullivan.
Uh... Uh, Dr. Bellows here.
Well, I'm sorry, sir, but, um...
the, uh, safe-closing
ceremony
will have to be cancelled.
It was accidentally locked.
Well, I'm sorry, sir...
Yes, I know it's regrettable,
but she'll have to go
up there just as she is.
Well, she can't go
up there, sir. Not all alone.
Uh, yes, general. I'll make
the necessary calls.
Uh, d-doctor. We've gotta
open that safe, sir.
[SIGHS] It's too late, major.
Too late?
Mm.
Open the blinds.
What?
The blinds.
Oh?
See that rocket?
TONY: Oh, yeah.
Project Cold Storage.
Tomorrow morning at sunrise
that rocket is blasting off
for the moon with
the safe and other...
D-did you say
with the safe, sir?
With the safe...
and other assorted
instruments aboard.
[INTERCOM BUZZES] Oh, uh, bu...
But, Dr. Bellows,
I-is it really almost...?
Hello. Dr. Bellows here.
Oh, uh...
Will you put it on hold, please?
Dr. Bellows,
it's very important.
The payload will be dumped
to test the reaction
to the lunar environment.
But, sir,
I-it's very important...
The safe contains things
that an astronaut will need
to sustain life. So...
if you want
the combination to that safe,
it's really very simple.
All you have to do is be
the first man on the moon.
[♪]
[GRUNTS]
[DOOR OPENS]
Hi.
Did you get the combination?
No, Dr. Bellows
doesn't have it.
What do you mean
he doesn't have it?
He just doesn't have it.
Uh... Uh, Jeannie,
you're gonna have to
get out by yourself.
Oh. It is no use,
master.
If you cannot open this safe,
it is impossible.
I... I am
trapped.
It is just like putting
the cork in my bottle.
That's a combination lock.
This shouldn't be hard to open.
By the time we figure out
the combination,
this safe is gonna be
on its way to the moon.
Uh, J-Jeannie.
I-I want you to turn
yourself to smoke.
Try getting out that way.
Oh. Very well.
But I do not think it will work.
Uh, Jeannie, are you all right?
[COUGHS]
Yes.
But I am still here.
[JEANNIE COUGHING]
I think we're in trouble.
There we are.
Yeah.
Give me the bag.
Yeah.
Sledgehammer.
Sledgehammer.
Oh... Chisel. Chisel, chisel.
Monkey wrench.
Monkey wrench.
And a crowbar.
[SIGHS]
That ought to do it.
I don't know, Tony,
that thing looked strong.
If that doesn't work,
we get a blowtorch.
If that doesn't work...
Yeah?
We're in trouble.
I bet Dr. Bellows would
give us the combination
if he knew
how important this was.
Yeah, how do we tell him?
Well, we could walk up
to him and tell him
that we'd like to
get inside the safe
because there's
a genie in there.
I... I wonder w-where
we can get a blowtorch
this time of night.
Give me that.
[SIGHS]
[RATTLES]
Shh!
Jeannie, are you there?
[COUGHS]
Yes, master.
L-look, don't... Don't
worry about a thing.
In a few minutes, we're
gonna be having dinner
at the Cocoa Beach Yacht Club.
Hurry, master.
When you hear some hammering,
don't be frightened.
It's just us trying to break in.
Oh, I will not be frightened.
I have faith in you.
Hey, wait a minute, Roger.
Maybe this pamphlet has
some construction details
that will tell us
the easiest way to get in.
Here. It says the, uh...
"The moon safe
is completely resistant
to extremes of temperature
and pressure."
Yeah.
"A... " "A unique..."
"A unique
feature of the moon safe
is the explosive device
built into the walls."
You hear that?
Yeah.
"Should anyone dial incorrect
numbers or attempt to break in,
the explosive will be detonated,
destroying the safe
and the contents."
Here goes.
No!
Watch it.
[MUTTERS]
What's the matter?
What's the matter?
You would have blown up
the safe with Jeannie in it.
ROGER: What do you mean?
What is happening, master?
When are you going to
start hammering?
Uh, we're not gonna be able
to break in, Jeannie.
The... The safe
will explode.
[SHRIEKS]
JEANNIE:
What are you going to do?
Then how will you
get me out of here?
That's a good question.
We're gonna have to get
professional advice.
Yeah, professional advice.
Hey, why don't
we get a locksmith?
We'll get a locksmith.
A locksmith.
No, no, a locksmith would
ask too many questions.
Too many questions.
Uh...
A professional safecracker,
that's what we need.
Yeah, a safecracker.
Yeah.
Where are we gonna get
a safecracker?
Um...
I... I read about the police
raiding a bar and grill
that a lot of mobsters
hang out at. Uh...
The...
Pink Horse?
The Pink Horse Bar and Grill.
Yeah. That's where
we're gonna get him.
Uh, Jeannie. Jeannie, now...
Now, don't worry about a thing.
You just make yourself
comfortable.
Uh, Roger and I
are gonna go and get you a...
A professional safecracker.
Oh, be careful, master.
Safecrackers are
dangerous criminals.
Hey, she's right.
The Pink Horse Bar and Grill.
That's where
all the gangsters hang out.
Where do you expect to find
a safecracker, the yellow pages?
Come on.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Give a hand. Give a
hand, Where's...?
Shh!
[CLATTERING]
Shh!
Well, here it is.
Is that you, master?
Did you say something, Joe?
Not me. Come on.
Give me a hand with this.
[BOTH GRUNTING]
You know, I could've sworn
somebody said,
"Is that you, master?"
Sure you did, Mike.
It's probably
a little green moon man
in the safe going home.
Okay. It's good enough here.
All right.
Easy.
Easy.
[GROANS]
There we are.
Oh. Easy now.
Do you know what's kind of crazy?
Mm-hm.
We can't cure a common cold.
But tomorrow morning
this thing's gonna be
on its way to the moon.
[MEN CHATTERING]
[MEN CHATTERING]
What'll it be, gents?
Two beers...
heavy on the foam.
Right.
[IN MOBSTER ACCENT]
We want a little information.
Look. Why don't you guys
just go on to
your costume party?
You could get hurt in here.
Listen. Have you
ever heard of
the Atlantic City bank robbery?
I ain't even heard
of Atlantic City.
I guess you didn't hear
about the robbery then, huh?
Mm. Good foam.
[TONY CLEARS
THROAT]
We're down from Chicago
to do a job.
Do you have a...
can opener?
A can opener?
You know what we mean.
Yeah. And we're willing
to pay for it.
Oh.
Two bucks.
MAN:
Hey. Hey.
Hey!
What's your bag, man?
My bag?
Bag.
Oh. Um...
Well, uh, we're looking for...
What are you? Fuzz?
Fuzz?
Fuzz.
Oh, the police?
No. Do I look like
a policeman?
Well, uh...
You look like you're
from an old TV movie.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Get a club.
Look busy.
Look busy.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Listen...
I give you a hundred dollars
if you help me.
Try to look busy,
try to look busy.
[SIGHS]
Not bad for $2, huh?
What?
Give me that.
Try to look busy, will you?
Yeah, look busy. Yeah.
Look busy.
Professor, I'd like
for you to meet...
Please.
No names.
It's a pleasure to
meet you, professor.
Please.
No handshakes.
Charley, get me a stick.
A what?
Charley!
Here, professor.
Gentlemen. Keep playing,
keep playing, keep playing.
What can I do for you?
Are you a safecracker?
Professor's the best
in the business.
[CHUCKLES]
[CHUCKLES]
Charley here is one of
my most ardent admirers.
[CHUCKLES]
You say it to anybody,
don't you, Charley?
You'd even say it to the FBI.
Wouldn't you, Charley?
[GROANS]
Professor, they ain't no FBI.
They ain't no FBI.
Don't you think I can see that?
TONY:
Professor...
[BALLS CLACKING]
We've got a job for you tonight.
Keep playing, keep playing.
What kind of a job?
It's... It's a safe.
Obviously.
What's in the safe?
Well, it's a...
A jewel.
A rare jewel.
It's the only one of
its kind in the world.
I'll say.
[GROANS]
Where is this jewel?
NASA.
The space agency?!
Shh!
The safe is guaranteed
unopenable.
We have to do the job tonight
because...
the safe is gonna be
moved tomorrow morning.
P-p-professor, we can't
pull a... A job at NASA.
I mean, like Fort Knox,
the place is guarded.
Charley, Charley, Charley.
Major Nelson and Major Healey
both work for NASA.
I'm sure they'll arrange to
find some way to get us in.
How did you know our names?
I'm also a pickpocket.
Well, I'll be...
It's my watch.
Somebody's moved it.
It was right here.
Somebody's moved it.
Hey, what are you guys
trying to pull?
You don't think
they loaded it already?
No, of course not. Here,
look in the back. Take that.
Professor, I told you,
we shouldn't get mixed up
with amateurs.
Relax, Charley. They have got
more to lose than we have.
I know where it is.
It's at the final assembly room.
It's on the tarmac.
Roger. Come on. Let's hurry.
I dropped the flashlight.
I'll get the flashlight.
You take 'em
to the final assembly room.
Get the flashlight.
Sh!
Where's that flashlight?
Dr. Bellows.
Did you lose this flashlight?
Oh. Yes. Yes, sir.
Thank you.
I'm sure you have
a reasonable explanation
why you were crawling
on the floor here
instead of being in Rome
on your vacation?
Where you belong.
[CHUCKLES]
Yes. Yes, I do.
You don't have to tell me.
I don't?
No. I'll tell you.
You will?
Mm.
You couldn't bear to go away
and, um, not see
the launching of the moonshot.
Yeah... Well,
the truth is, sir...
Uh, the truth is,
I should have guessed it.
Uh, do you know your trouble,
Major Nelson?
What's that, sir?
You're overconscientious.
Me?
[CHUCKLES]
But it's not going to go
unrewarded.
Ahem. Oh, well, that's
very kind of you, sir.
You're gonna watch that
launching from the control room.
I'm gonna watch it, sir? Oh...
I insist. I insist.
I... I have a plane...
You're going to
sit right next to me.
Yeah, but, sir...
Ah, yes. No, no, no, no, no.
And after the launching,
I'm gonna put you on the plane...
Sir, it's very
important that I go...
Come along.
Wait, sir.
Master? Where am I?
In the final assembly
room, dum-dum.
Oh. Thank you.
Joe. I'm
hearing it again.
Hearing what?
Voices.
Didn't you hear it?
You mean the one that just said,
"Where am I?"
and then, "Thank you"?
Mm-mm. I didn't
hear a thing.
Right. Neither did I. Oh.
What do you think it was?
Probably some new secret weapon.
Boy, are those Russians
gonna be in for a surprise.
That's it. Let's go.
Now, wait a second,
wait a second.
You don't expect us
to work on that thing
out in the open, do you?
Oh, we have to.
In a few minutes that thing's
gonna be shot to the moon.
Look, you stay here. I'll go
and see if the coast is clear.
Professor, I don't like it.
Look. Even if we're able to get
the jewel out of that safe...
I mean, if it is one of a kind
we'll never be able to push it.
Very shrewd, Charley.
But you missed
the crucial question.
Why would NASA want to shoot
a rare precious stone
to the moon?
Yeah, that's right.
It's a phony.
So what are we
standing here for? Why?
Because whatever is
in that safe...
Major Nelson and Major Healey
are desperate
to get it out.
And people don't get desperate
over something of no value.
Ah.
That's why.
[WHISTLING]
Jeannie. Can you hear me?
It's me, Roge.
Yes, Major Healey.
Two men moved me
last night. Where am I?
The final assembly room. Ready
to be loaded on the moon rocket.
Do not worry.
Well, uh... Uh, where is
Major Nelson?
I don't know.
Will he be on the rocket?
No, just you and
a bunch of equipment.
Well, then, I-I would
like to get out, please.
Don't worry, Jeannie. We got
some experts working on it now.
MAN [ON RADIO]:
Three-forty mark.
Usually we don't use...
MAN:
Uh, status check?
That is, Major Healey
and Major Nelson...
[INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER]
What's the matter
with this thing any...?
What are they loading now?
Let's see. Number 12...
meteorological survey monitor.
Uh, what number
is that moon safe?
Seventeen.
[SNAPS]
I just remembered.
I gotta see somebody.
If you'll excuse me.
Aren't you waiting?
Of course he is.
Oh. Dr. Bellows, I...
Major Nelson put off
his vacation to
watch this launching.
Uh, that's the kind of loyalty
we get from our astronauts,
congressman.
Well, that's very commendable,
major. Very commendable.
Tell me, son, how will you feel
when you see that rocket
lifting off its launch pad?
I'd rather not try to
describe my feelings, sir.
What are you doing, professor?
I'm getting ready
to open your safe.
ROGER: Don't touch...
PROFESSOR: Don't touch it?
Oh. If you dial
the wrong combination,
the whole safe will blow up.
[DOOR CLOSES]
ROGER:
Oh, let's hide. Hide.
[MUMBLING INDISTINCTLY]
Oh.
What happened to the safe?
The safe? What safe?
Y...
The safe, sir.
The safe?
Oh, the safe.
Oh, well, the safe was, uh...
It's over there.
It's way over there.
Oh. Thank you, major.
Way over. Way...
Well, it's not here.
What happened?
There it is.
What?
This. There's the safe.
Oh, that safe. Yeah.
You wanted that safe, yeah.
Well, carry on, men.
[CHUCKLES]
Thank you, major.
Take care of that safe. Bye.
Yeah. Nice work.
All right, pull it up.
Get okay.
Do your best, Mike.
[MEN GRUNTING]
[WHISPERS] Charley.
I've got an idea.
You feeling all right, major?
TONY: Yes. Yes, sir.
You know, I understand
they keep you
on a pretty
short leash out here.
Make you watch your diets,
regulate your sleep,
cut down on your social life.
How do you feel about that?
Oh, it... It's a wonderful
program, sir.
They... They keep us
in tiptop shape.
You don't look too well. Here.
Thank you.
Congressman, hm-hm...
if you look at
the monitor there,
you'll see them
loading the moon safe.
[SPITS]
You all right, major?
[GASPING]
Yeah. Tiptop shape.
[COUGHING]
There it is, congressman.
CONGRESSMAN:
So that's the famous moon safe.
BELLOWS:
Well, there it goes.
They're loading it
into the rocket. Hm.
It'll be going off
any minute now.
You know, it's
remarkable how calm
and collected you all stay.
I'm nervous as a cat.
[CRASH] Major Nelson!
Major Nelson.
I thought you kept
these astronauts
in top physical condition?
Oh, he's fine, congressman,
I assure you.
Sit down, major.
Jeannie?
Jean...? I gotta get her
out of there.
I gotta get her out
of there! Jeannie!
Major Nelson,
where are you going?
Jeannie!
Major! Come back here, major!
Stop them. Gotta stop them.
MAN:
Minus 10, nine,
eight, seven, six...
CONGRESSMAN: That's Nelson!
Five, four...
TONY:
Stop the launch! Stop it!
Stop that launch! Stop...!
[ENGINES ROARING]
Goodbye, Jeannie.
Goodbye.
[♪]
[♪]
Well, this time tomorrow,
you and Major Healey
will be strolling down
the Via Veneto at Rome.
Hm, yes, sir. I'm
looking forward to it.
I want you and
Major Healey to remember
that this vacation
is strictly for R and R.
Rest and relaxation. [CHUCKLES]
I, uh, don't want you
to be lonely over there.
This is a letter
of introduction.
Oh. Thank you
very much, sir.
It's to my aunt. She's lived
in Italy for 50 years.
Oh.
Uh, she's a lot of fun.
Oh. Good, good, good.
Thanks very much. I'll...
I'll see you in two weeks.
Fine. Bon voyage.
[DOOR OPENS]
[DOOR CLOSES]
I can't believe it.
Two whole weeks
without Major Nelson.
Hm.
[♪]
Ha-ha.
"Caution, do not
close." I see.
Master, darling.
Oh. Hi, Jeannie.
Hm.
I am ready.
What are you doing? I told you
to stay home and wait for me.
Oh, I could not wait, master.
I am so excited.
Two whole weeks in Rome.
Ho-ho. I can hardly wait
to see Michelangelo again.
Yeah. But if anybody
discovers you're here,
both you and I, we're gonna have
to move in with Michelangelo.
Now, you go home and...
And start packing.
Oh. We are all packed.
We... For two weeks in Rome,
you're packed in that?
Well, you said you wanted
to travel light.
So I shrunk everything.
[LAUGHING]
It's kind of cute.
[FOOTSTEPS]
Somebody's coming.
Someone's coming.
Go on, go on. Get out.
Oh!
How is this?
Huh? Where are you?
Down here in the big box.
Huh?
And here.
Take that.
No, I don't mean in there.
I mean, go home.
Ahh!
Oh, I'm sorry, Tony.
Are you okay?
Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine.
Hey, is this the baby
they're sending up to the moon?
Yes.
Well, what are you doing?
What's up?
It's locked.
What do you mean it's locked?
It's locked!
What's wrong?
Jeannie's in there.
Jeannie's in there?
Well, why would they want to
send Jeannie to the moon?
Jeannie's in there?
JEANNIE:
Master?
Master?!
Please let me out of here.
I do not want to go to the moon.
Let me out of here!
[♪]
[♪]
Don't worry, Jeannie. Tony went
to get the combination.
We'll have you out of there
in a minute. Please!
I am not ready
to go to the moon.
Dr. Bellows.
Oh, major.
I thought you'd be
halfway to Rome by now.
I was just on my way, sir.
Oh, by the way, I was wondering
if you could give me
the combination
to the moon safe.
[LAUGHING]
Very funny. I'll
see you in two weeks.
[LAUGHING]
Ah, but could you give me
the combination, sir?
Major, I'm very busy at the
moment. Why do you want it?
Oh. It's nothing
to worry about.
It's just that I accidentally
shut the door.
You what?!
Yeah. And it...
And it locked.
But it's nothing to worry about.
Can you give me the combination?
Nobody knows the combination!
Nobody knows the combination?
Get me General Sullivan.
Sir, what good is a safe if
nobody knows the combination?
Uh, General Sullivan.
Uh... Uh, Dr. Bellows here.
Well, I'm sorry, sir, but, um...
the, uh, safe-closing
ceremony
will have to be cancelled.
It was accidentally locked.
Well, I'm sorry, sir...
Yes, I know it's regrettable,
but she'll have to go
up there just as she is.
Well, she can't go
up there, sir. Not all alone.
Uh, yes, general. I'll make
the necessary calls.
Uh, d-doctor. We've gotta
open that safe, sir.
[SIGHS] It's too late, major.
Too late?
Mm.
Open the blinds.
What?
The blinds.
Oh?
See that rocket?
TONY: Oh, yeah.
Project Cold Storage.
Tomorrow morning at sunrise
that rocket is blasting off
for the moon with
the safe and other...
D-did you say
with the safe, sir?
With the safe...
and other assorted
instruments aboard.
[INTERCOM BUZZES] Oh, uh, bu...
But, Dr. Bellows,
I-is it really almost...?
Hello. Dr. Bellows here.
Oh, uh...
Will you put it on hold, please?
Dr. Bellows,
it's very important.
The payload will be dumped
to test the reaction
to the lunar environment.
But, sir,
I-it's very important...
The safe contains things
that an astronaut will need
to sustain life. So...
if you want
the combination to that safe,
it's really very simple.
All you have to do is be
the first man on the moon.
[♪]
[GRUNTS]
[DOOR OPENS]
Hi.
Did you get the combination?
No, Dr. Bellows
doesn't have it.
What do you mean
he doesn't have it?
He just doesn't have it.
Uh... Uh, Jeannie,
you're gonna have to
get out by yourself.
Oh. It is no use,
master.
If you cannot open this safe,
it is impossible.
I... I am
trapped.
It is just like putting
the cork in my bottle.
That's a combination lock.
This shouldn't be hard to open.
By the time we figure out
the combination,
this safe is gonna be
on its way to the moon.
Uh, J-Jeannie.
I-I want you to turn
yourself to smoke.
Try getting out that way.
Oh. Very well.
But I do not think it will work.
Uh, Jeannie, are you all right?
[COUGHS]
Yes.
But I am still here.
[JEANNIE COUGHING]
I think we're in trouble.
There we are.
Yeah.
Give me the bag.
Yeah.
Sledgehammer.
Sledgehammer.
Oh... Chisel. Chisel, chisel.
Monkey wrench.
Monkey wrench.
And a crowbar.
[SIGHS]
That ought to do it.
I don't know, Tony,
that thing looked strong.
If that doesn't work,
we get a blowtorch.
If that doesn't work...
Yeah?
We're in trouble.
I bet Dr. Bellows would
give us the combination
if he knew
how important this was.
Yeah, how do we tell him?
Well, we could walk up
to him and tell him
that we'd like to
get inside the safe
because there's
a genie in there.
I... I wonder w-where
we can get a blowtorch
this time of night.
Give me that.
[SIGHS]
[RATTLES]
Shh!
Jeannie, are you there?
[COUGHS]
Yes, master.
L-look, don't... Don't
worry about a thing.
In a few minutes, we're
gonna be having dinner
at the Cocoa Beach Yacht Club.
Hurry, master.
When you hear some hammering,
don't be frightened.
It's just us trying to break in.
Oh, I will not be frightened.
I have faith in you.
Hey, wait a minute, Roger.
Maybe this pamphlet has
some construction details
that will tell us
the easiest way to get in.
Here. It says the, uh...
"The moon safe
is completely resistant
to extremes of temperature
and pressure."
Yeah.
"A... " "A unique..."
"A unique
feature of the moon safe
is the explosive device
built into the walls."
You hear that?
Yeah.
"Should anyone dial incorrect
numbers or attempt to break in,
the explosive will be detonated,
destroying the safe
and the contents."
Here goes.
No!
Watch it.
[MUTTERS]
What's the matter?
What's the matter?
You would have blown up
the safe with Jeannie in it.
ROGER: What do you mean?
What is happening, master?
When are you going to
start hammering?
Uh, we're not gonna be able
to break in, Jeannie.
The... The safe
will explode.
[SHRIEKS]
JEANNIE:
What are you going to do?
Then how will you
get me out of here?
That's a good question.
We're gonna have to get
professional advice.
Yeah, professional advice.
Hey, why don't
we get a locksmith?
We'll get a locksmith.
A locksmith.
No, no, a locksmith would
ask too many questions.
Too many questions.
Uh...
A professional safecracker,
that's what we need.
Yeah, a safecracker.
Yeah.
Where are we gonna get
a safecracker?
Um...
I... I read about the police
raiding a bar and grill
that a lot of mobsters
hang out at. Uh...
The...
Pink Horse?
The Pink Horse Bar and Grill.
Yeah. That's where
we're gonna get him.
Uh, Jeannie. Jeannie, now...
Now, don't worry about a thing.
You just make yourself
comfortable.
Uh, Roger and I
are gonna go and get you a...
A professional safecracker.
Oh, be careful, master.
Safecrackers are
dangerous criminals.
Hey, she's right.
The Pink Horse Bar and Grill.
That's where
all the gangsters hang out.
Where do you expect to find
a safecracker, the yellow pages?
Come on.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Give a hand. Give a
hand, Where's...?
Shh!
[CLATTERING]
Shh!
Well, here it is.
Is that you, master?
Did you say something, Joe?
Not me. Come on.
Give me a hand with this.
[BOTH GRUNTING]
You know, I could've sworn
somebody said,
"Is that you, master?"
Sure you did, Mike.
It's probably
a little green moon man
in the safe going home.
Okay. It's good enough here.
All right.
Easy.
Easy.
[GROANS]
There we are.
Oh. Easy now.
Do you know what's kind of crazy?
Mm-hm.
We can't cure a common cold.
But tomorrow morning
this thing's gonna be
on its way to the moon.
[MEN CHATTERING]
[MEN CHATTERING]
What'll it be, gents?
Two beers...
heavy on the foam.
Right.
[IN MOBSTER ACCENT]
We want a little information.
Look. Why don't you guys
just go on to
your costume party?
You could get hurt in here.
Listen. Have you
ever heard of
the Atlantic City bank robbery?
I ain't even heard
of Atlantic City.
I guess you didn't hear
about the robbery then, huh?
Mm. Good foam.
[TONY CLEARS
THROAT]
We're down from Chicago
to do a job.
Do you have a...
can opener?
A can opener?
You know what we mean.
Yeah. And we're willing
to pay for it.
Oh.
Two bucks.
MAN:
Hey. Hey.
Hey!
What's your bag, man?
My bag?
Bag.
Oh. Um...
Well, uh, we're looking for...
What are you? Fuzz?
Fuzz?
Fuzz.
Oh, the police?
No. Do I look like
a policeman?
Well, uh...
You look like you're
from an old TV movie.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Get a club.
Look busy.
Look busy.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Listen...
I give you a hundred dollars
if you help me.
Try to look busy,
try to look busy.
[SIGHS]
Not bad for $2, huh?
What?
Give me that.
Try to look busy, will you?
Yeah, look busy. Yeah.
Look busy.
Professor, I'd like
for you to meet...
Please.
No names.
It's a pleasure to
meet you, professor.
Please.
No handshakes.
Charley, get me a stick.
A what?
Charley!
Here, professor.
Gentlemen. Keep playing,
keep playing, keep playing.
What can I do for you?
Are you a safecracker?
Professor's the best
in the business.
[CHUCKLES]
[CHUCKLES]
Charley here is one of
my most ardent admirers.
[CHUCKLES]
You say it to anybody,
don't you, Charley?
You'd even say it to the FBI.
Wouldn't you, Charley?
[GROANS]
Professor, they ain't no FBI.
They ain't no FBI.
Don't you think I can see that?
TONY:
Professor...
[BALLS CLACKING]
We've got a job for you tonight.
Keep playing, keep playing.
What kind of a job?
It's... It's a safe.
Obviously.
What's in the safe?
Well, it's a...
A jewel.
A rare jewel.
It's the only one of
its kind in the world.
I'll say.
[GROANS]
Where is this jewel?
NASA.
The space agency?!
Shh!
The safe is guaranteed
unopenable.
We have to do the job tonight
because...
the safe is gonna be
moved tomorrow morning.
P-p-professor, we can't
pull a... A job at NASA.
I mean, like Fort Knox,
the place is guarded.
Charley, Charley, Charley.
Major Nelson and Major Healey
both work for NASA.
I'm sure they'll arrange to
find some way to get us in.
How did you know our names?
I'm also a pickpocket.
Well, I'll be...
It's my watch.
Somebody's moved it.
It was right here.
Somebody's moved it.
Hey, what are you guys
trying to pull?
You don't think
they loaded it already?
No, of course not. Here,
look in the back. Take that.
Professor, I told you,
we shouldn't get mixed up
with amateurs.
Relax, Charley. They have got
more to lose than we have.
I know where it is.
It's at the final assembly room.
It's on the tarmac.
Roger. Come on. Let's hurry.
I dropped the flashlight.
I'll get the flashlight.
You take 'em
to the final assembly room.
Get the flashlight.
Sh!
Where's that flashlight?
Dr. Bellows.
Did you lose this flashlight?
Oh. Yes. Yes, sir.
Thank you.
I'm sure you have
a reasonable explanation
why you were crawling
on the floor here
instead of being in Rome
on your vacation?
Where you belong.
[CHUCKLES]
Yes. Yes, I do.
You don't have to tell me.
I don't?
No. I'll tell you.
You will?
Mm.
You couldn't bear to go away
and, um, not see
the launching of the moonshot.
Yeah... Well,
the truth is, sir...
Uh, the truth is,
I should have guessed it.
Uh, do you know your trouble,
Major Nelson?
What's that, sir?
You're overconscientious.
Me?
[CHUCKLES]
But it's not going to go
unrewarded.
Ahem. Oh, well, that's
very kind of you, sir.
You're gonna watch that
launching from the control room.
I'm gonna watch it, sir? Oh...
I insist. I insist.
I... I have a plane...
You're going to
sit right next to me.
Yeah, but, sir...
Ah, yes. No, no, no, no, no.
And after the launching,
I'm gonna put you on the plane...
Sir, it's very
important that I go...
Come along.
Wait, sir.
Master? Where am I?
In the final assembly
room, dum-dum.
Oh. Thank you.
Joe. I'm
hearing it again.
Hearing what?
Voices.
Didn't you hear it?
You mean the one that just said,
"Where am I?"
and then, "Thank you"?
Mm-mm. I didn't
hear a thing.
Right. Neither did I. Oh.
What do you think it was?
Probably some new secret weapon.
Boy, are those Russians
gonna be in for a surprise.
That's it. Let's go.
Now, wait a second,
wait a second.
You don't expect us
to work on that thing
out in the open, do you?
Oh, we have to.
In a few minutes that thing's
gonna be shot to the moon.
Look, you stay here. I'll go
and see if the coast is clear.
Professor, I don't like it.
Look. Even if we're able to get
the jewel out of that safe...
I mean, if it is one of a kind
we'll never be able to push it.
Very shrewd, Charley.
But you missed
the crucial question.
Why would NASA want to shoot
a rare precious stone
to the moon?
Yeah, that's right.
It's a phony.
So what are we
standing here for? Why?
Because whatever is
in that safe...
Major Nelson and Major Healey
are desperate
to get it out.
And people don't get desperate
over something of no value.
Ah.
That's why.
[WHISTLING]
Jeannie. Can you hear me?
It's me, Roge.
Yes, Major Healey.
Two men moved me
last night. Where am I?
The final assembly room. Ready
to be loaded on the moon rocket.
Do not worry.
Well, uh... Uh, where is
Major Nelson?
I don't know.
Will he be on the rocket?
No, just you and
a bunch of equipment.
Well, then, I-I would
like to get out, please.
Don't worry, Jeannie. We got
some experts working on it now.
MAN [ON RADIO]:
Three-forty mark.
Usually we don't use...
MAN:
Uh, status check?
That is, Major Healey
and Major Nelson...
[INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER]
What's the matter
with this thing any...?
What are they loading now?
Let's see. Number 12...
meteorological survey monitor.
Uh, what number
is that moon safe?
Seventeen.
[SNAPS]
I just remembered.
I gotta see somebody.
If you'll excuse me.
Aren't you waiting?
Of course he is.
Oh. Dr. Bellows, I...
Major Nelson put off
his vacation to
watch this launching.
Uh, that's the kind of loyalty
we get from our astronauts,
congressman.
Well, that's very commendable,
major. Very commendable.
Tell me, son, how will you feel
when you see that rocket
lifting off its launch pad?
I'd rather not try to
describe my feelings, sir.
What are you doing, professor?
I'm getting ready
to open your safe.
ROGER: Don't touch...
PROFESSOR: Don't touch it?
Oh. If you dial
the wrong combination,
the whole safe will blow up.
[DOOR CLOSES]
ROGER:
Oh, let's hide. Hide.
[MUMBLING INDISTINCTLY]
Oh.
What happened to the safe?
The safe? What safe?
Y...
The safe, sir.
The safe?
Oh, the safe.
Oh, well, the safe was, uh...
It's over there.
It's way over there.
Oh. Thank you, major.
Way over. Way...
Well, it's not here.
What happened?
There it is.
What?
This. There's the safe.
Oh, that safe. Yeah.
You wanted that safe, yeah.
Well, carry on, men.
[CHUCKLES]
Thank you, major.
Take care of that safe. Bye.
Yeah. Nice work.
All right, pull it up.
Get okay.
Do your best, Mike.
[MEN GRUNTING]
[WHISPERS] Charley.
I've got an idea.
You feeling all right, major?
TONY: Yes. Yes, sir.
You know, I understand
they keep you
on a pretty
short leash out here.
Make you watch your diets,
regulate your sleep,
cut down on your social life.
How do you feel about that?
Oh, it... It's a wonderful
program, sir.
They... They keep us
in tiptop shape.
You don't look too well. Here.
Thank you.
Congressman, hm-hm...
if you look at
the monitor there,
you'll see them
loading the moon safe.
[SPITS]
You all right, major?
[GASPING]
Yeah. Tiptop shape.
[COUGHING]
There it is, congressman.
CONGRESSMAN:
So that's the famous moon safe.
BELLOWS:
Well, there it goes.
They're loading it
into the rocket. Hm.
It'll be going off
any minute now.
You know, it's
remarkable how calm
and collected you all stay.
I'm nervous as a cat.
[CRASH] Major Nelson!
Major Nelson.
I thought you kept
these astronauts
in top physical condition?
Oh, he's fine, congressman,
I assure you.
Sit down, major.
Jeannie?
Jean...? I gotta get her
out of there.
I gotta get her out
of there! Jeannie!
Major Nelson,
where are you going?
Jeannie!
Major! Come back here, major!
Stop them. Gotta stop them.
MAN:
Minus 10, nine,
eight, seven, six...
CONGRESSMAN: That's Nelson!
Five, four...
TONY:
Stop the launch! Stop it!
Stop that launch! Stop...!
[ENGINES ROARING]
Goodbye, Jeannie.
Goodbye.
[♪]
[♪]