I Dream of Jeannie (1965–1970): Season 3, Episode 13 - My Son, the Genie - full transcript

[♪]

[CLEARS THROAT]

[SIGHS]

Good morning, master.

Oh, hi, Jeannie.

[GIGGLING] There you are.

Well, thank you.

Well, you've been
a busy little bee, haven't you?

Well, you do not want
to be late.

Well, what's my hurry?

I haven't even
had breakfast yet.



Oh, there you are.

You have a good day
at the office, master.

Yeah, I have
the distinct feeling

you're trying to get rid of me.

Uh, is that true?
[LAUGHS]

Of course not, master. Oh.

Goodbye.
Oh, no, not...

Hi, Jeannie.
Gee, I'd love a glass of that.

Goodbye, Major Healey.

Jeannie.

You don't find that kind
of hospitality anymore.

Yeah.
Please go.

No, I'm not leaving here

until I find out
what this is all about.



Neither am I.

Well, we are going to have
a visitor.

[LAUGHING]
Your mother is coming.

No.

It is worse than that.

His mother.

No, another genie is coming.

Another what?

Well, eh, I...

I have been ordered
to have her here,

and I-it is a new genie,

and every new genie
must spend one day

with an old genie.
And...

I am the old genie
that the new genie

is going to spend the day with.

Well, what's wrong with that?

What's wrong with that?

What if she is younger
and more beautiful than I am

after I have spent the best
years of my life

with my master?

Younger and more beautiful?

What if she falls in love
with me?

Oh, just think, my own personal
young and beautiful genie.

[MAGIC WHIRRING] Yeah...

What is that?
What is that, huh?

She is coming.

Beginners always try to make
a grand entrance.

Oh? Well, you tell her to go
right back where she came from.

I'm not gonna have her
in this house.

I cannot.
Oh, yes, you can.

[CRASH]

[LAUGHING]

[♪]

[♪]

[♪]

They did not tell me
it would be a man.

My name is Harold.

There's been some kind
of mistake.

You have to go back
to where you came from.

Oh, great and noble master,
I am here to serve your every...

Oh, oh, not him.

Him.
Oh.

Oh, great and noble master,

I am here to serve your
every desire... Harold.

Har... Would you get off
my coffee table?

Look, I... I've already got
my own genie,

so you're just gonna have
to run along.

[THUNDER CRASHING]

What was that?

Dad.

[SCOFFS] Dad?

Yeah,
he's a little overprotective.

You are his son?

His number-one son.

[INHALES] Uh, whose son?

Haji.
He is the son of Haji.

You mean, uh, the head, Haji?
You mean...? Uh, would...?

Would you get off
my coffee table, please?

You mean the number-one...?
The...? The...? The top Haji?

I am afraid so, master.

[CHUCKLES]
Well, it is only for one day.

Sure, relax. I mean, what...?
What can happen?

Well, I'm not wild
about finding out.

Uh...

Uh, uh, Harold,
wh-whatever your name is.

I... I... I'm sorry
to do this to you.

But why don't you just run along
to where you went...?

[THUNDER CRASHING]

Why don't you make yourself
comfortable?

Sit down here.

Would you like a nice,
uh, uh, glass of orange juice?

Thank you, master.
Right.

Nice kid.

Oh.

Well, kind of messy around here.

Oh, I'll fix that.
That's what I am here for.

Oh, yeah?

Great, great.

Oh, great.

Thank you, master.

Harold, the...
The fire goes at the bottom.

Fire. Oh, I'm sorry.
Fire, yeah.

Hey, Jeannie,
would you do something?

Yes, master.

[BLOWING]

[LAUGHING] Oh, I don't mean that.
I mean, make it disappear.

Oh, I cannot, master.

Why not?

Oh, Haji would not permit it.

I-I'm sure he would rather
Harold do it himself.

Well, Haji's house
is not on fire.

I am your master,
and I'm ordering you to do it.

Would you do it, please?

He will be angry.

Well, let him.
I don't care.

Let him be angry.

[THUNDER CRASHES]
[SCREAMS]

Oh, I wish Dad would relax.

[PANTING]

Can you get rid of him, huh?

[THUNDER CRASHES]

I must apologize.
Mother isn't like this at all.

Uh, master, you and Major Healey
go on to the office.

And... and Harold and I will have
everything cleaned up

by the time you come back.

Well, the... That's not
a bad idea. Well...

You... You take care
of everything, all right?

Bye, Harold. It's been
a pleasure meeting you.

Roger, come on.

I will drive you to the office.

No, don't bother.

Yeah, we'd like to get there.

Yeah, he didn't mean it.
He didn't... He's a nice guy.

He sure is a nice master.

Yes, he is.

I wish he were mine.

[DOOR CLOSES]

I don't know where
she picks up these people.

Every time I turn around...

Ready when you are, master.

[♪]

Congratulations, major.
I heard the news.

Very wonderful.
Well, thank you.

Hey, nice going, Tony.
Okay, thanks.

What's that all about?
I don't know.

Maybe they heard about Harold.

Oh, funny.
That's very funny.

Good morning, gentlemen. Good morning.
How are you?

Good morning.
Come in.

Come on in.

Here we are.

Sit down, gentlemen. Sit down.
Make yourselves at home.

Oh, uh, have a cigar?
Cigar?

Some coffee?
No, thank you.

Oh, I should let General Walton
tell you about this,

but he's tied up for the moment.

You will act properly surprised,
won't you?

Oh, certainly, sir.
Uh, about what?

Well, I don't have to tell you

that your orbital flight
the other day

was a spectacular success.

Oh, I'm very pleased
it came off so well, sir.

Weren't you
a little disappointed

that the president didn't call?

Well, I guess these things
are getting to be

kind of routine now.

Well, you guessed wrong, major.

The president is going
to do something

that he's never done before.

He's going up into orbit?

He wants to congratulate you
in person.

Oh, you mean I'll be going
to Washington?

No, the president
is coming down here.

Really? Hey, that is great news.

And that's not all.

When the president found out...

[PHONE RINGS]

Excuse me.

Yes?

Dr. Bellows here.

Oh, yes, major.

Well, he's right here now.

I... I was just filling him in.

Right now?

Very well, I'll tell him.

Yes.

Right, thank you.

That was Major Devore.

They want to take a few pictures
of you at the display room.

Well, I'll go along and beat off
the autograph hounds, huh.

Let's go, gentlemen.

Uh, I'll leave this here,
I think.

[♪]

Thank you, sir.
Thank you, sir.

Uh, now, Major Dev...

Just about four months, you see.

Roger and I both came
in the project

about five years ago.

Gentlemen, would you kindly...?

Gentlemen,
would you kindly move, please?

Now I can take one of the group.

Just let me get
the picture first.

Now, watch it.
Now smile.

Give me that smile.
Here we go.

Good.

Oh, I think he got my bad side.

Uh, major, can I take one
of you alone?

Oh, excuse me.
Just give me a second.

No, not you, sir.
Major Nelson.

Oh, that major.
Yes.

Nice going, master.
You're very popular.

What are you doing here?

I just wanted to ask you
a couple of questions.

Not, you. Not you.
I'm sorry. Go ahead.

I... I understand that
the president's coming down here

to see you, Major Nelson.
George Washington.

[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY] Could we
continue this over here, please?

Uh, yes, now...
Yes, major...

Get.
Now, about the president

coming down here to see you...

Oh, the president. Oh, master!
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

I wonder if we could continue
this some other time.

I have a touch of space fatigue.

Master.
Master.

Did...? Did they just
call you master?

Yeah, it's a little nickname
they have for me here at NASA.

Yes, I understand, major, but...

May I have one more take
before you leave?

Uh, well, uh, uh, is it really
necessary? I... I...

You do understand.
[MAGIC BOINGS]

Could we do it another time?

All right, here we go.

Watch the birdie.

[JEANNIE SCREAMS]

Hey, wait a minute. Wait.

Come on, will ya?
Get up.

I certainly hope the press
doesn't make too much

of that mess
with the photographer.

I'm sure they won't, sir.

I can't understand what
happened. The photographer...

Uh, sir, would you tell us more
about the president coming?

Oh, uh, yes.

Well, now, the, uh...
The president felt that, uh,

he wanted to do
something personal.

You know, something without
a lot of ceremony.

So he's coming to your house
for dinner.

The president's coming
to my house for dinner?

A Mr. Pinter,
from the White House,

will go to your house with you
and go over everything.

As a matter of fact,
he's waiting for you right now

at General Walton's office.

Uh, now...? Right now?

Yes, that's the big surprise.

The president is having dinner
at your house tonight.

Tonight?
But he... Tonight?

But he can't do that tonight.
Yes.

Well, I must say,

I didn't expect you to be
that nervous.

Well, I'm sorry. He...

He can't come tonight.
Why not?

Because it's the cook's
night out.

The president
will have to come tomorrow.

All there is to it.

Major, we mustn't keep
Mr. Pinter waiting.

Yeah, we mustn't be...

Keep Mr. Pinter waiting.

Wait a minute.

Listen, you get over to the house.
Huh?

Get over to the house and tell
Jeannie to get rid of Harold.

I don't care how.
He can't be there

when the president gets there.
Right.

Major?

Sorry, sir.
I'll clean it for you later.

[♪]

Jeannie?

Harold?

Jea...?

Jeannie?

Harold?

Jeannie!

[MIDDLE EASTERN MUSIC PLAYING]

Wow! What...?
What's going on anyway?

This is to entertain
the president.

Yeah, I know, the president.
Millard Fillmore.

Mil...?
Millard Fillmore?

Oh, you've gotta get
all of this outta here.

Get most of this out of here.

Wait a minute.
Oh, wait a minute.

You gotta get rid of everything.

Get rid of this all.
Oh, no, I don't smoke.

I've got a headache.
You've gotta do something...

Are you all right, Major Healey?
I'm not sure.

Oh, Jeannie, the president
of the United States is coming.

You've gotta get rid of Harold
and all of this.

JEANNIE: Well, I do not
know what I can do.

Well, why don't you send them
over to my place?

Ooh.

Oh, what am I saying?

[CAR APPROACHING]

[BRAKES SCREECH]

They're here.
They're here.

Get rid of this mess.
Get rid of everything.

Get rid of the mess!

Don't worry,
I'll take care of it.

That is my job.
I'll take care of it.

No, I'll take care of it.
I think it'd be better...

No, no, no,
I will take care of it!

I will take care of it!

Somebody take care of it.

There's a fine, little French
restaurant down the street.

I'm sure the president
would enjoy that, sir.

There's nothing to worry about.

We'll put security guards
at both ends of the street.

Well, what's not really
the problem, you see.

[MIDDLE EASTERN MUSIC PLAYING]

I wanna do it!
I wanna do it!

It's my job!
It's my job!

I want to do I...!

We'd better let him
have a go at it.

I want...

All right.
But now, concentrate, Harold.

[MUSIC'S TEMPO INCREASES]

That sounds like it's coming

from the inside
of your house, major.

Uh, what sounds like it's coming
from the inside of my house?

That music.
Oh, yes.

Well, I often keep the radio on
to frighten burglars away.

Uh, why don't you open
the door, major?

[CHUCKLING] I'm afraid...

Of burglars?

Yes. Oh, yes. Um, I...

Uh, sometimes I bring home
classified material, and I...

Oh, nonsense, major.
Open the door. Op...

I bring some papers home,
you know...

Open the door, major.

Yes, sir.

[KNOB CLICKING]

Hey, what is that?

[GASPS]

Uh, oh, you found it.

Well, that's...

Major.
Yes?

What are we waiting for?

[SIGHS]

A miracle.

[CHUCKLES] Well, how would
you like to see the grounds?

I've done quite a bit
of gardening recently.

I've been experimenting
with begonia.

Uh, the grafting of begonias...

I certainly hope
the president likes a man

with a sense of humor,
right, Mr. Pinter?

[LAUGHS]

[SHARPLY]
Dr. Bellows.

Major.
Yes? Oh.

Yes, of course.

Uh, I'll just, uh...

Concentrate, Harold.

Harold, try harder.

You can do it.
Come on.

Try.
[INHALES]

[ALL SCREAMING]

What was that?

Uh, probably
a rock 'n' roll station.

How would the president feel
about a Mexican meal?

There's a wonderful little
restaurant about...

And how would the major feel
about going inside,

if you don't mind?

Yes, sir.

Just the key.

[SIGHS]

I'll get that.
I'm terribly sorry.

All right.

I'll look over here.

Try again, Harold.

Yeah, Harold.

Okay.

Good.
Not bad, huh?

And now for the belly dancer.

Yeah, for the belly dancer.
Wait! Whoa! Not yet.

What am I saying?
Go ahead.

Okay.

Oh, good. Good, good.
[SIGHS]

Now get rid of yourself.

I'm not leaving.
Oh, we will hide.

How would that be, Harold?

Yeah, yeah, hide. Good idea.
In the closet.

I don't wanna hide.
I wanna see my master.

[THUNDER CRASHES]

I mean you shouldn't, heh.
Jeannie, think of something.

I have, heh.
We will stay here, Harold,

but we will disguise ourselves.

How would that be?
Oh, goody-goody.

[GIGGLES]

Major, may we please go in?

Well, I'm looking for the key,
sir. I... I...

You just had the door open.

TONY: Well, it was here somewhere.
I... I know it's around here.

Oh, just a minute, sir.

Hello, Major Healey.
[MACHINE WHIRRING]

Oh, Mr. Pinter,
this is, uh, Major Healey.

What's that noise?

Uh, oh, uh, uh, well,
that's the cleaning crew, sir.

You know, the, uh,
cleaning crew?

I hired a couple
to clean the house.

Wasn't that a good idea, Tony?

Oh, yeah.

[♪]

Well, everything looks fine.

Uh, everything looks
like it's about done.

We haven't finished yet.

Yes, you have.
Daddy wouldn't like that.

His father says he should always
finish anything he starts.

His father really doesn't have
anything to do with it, does he?

I think he does.

Here, I'll clean that.
No, I'll clean it.

I'll clean it.
No, I'll do it.

Gentlemen, we haven't
too much time.

May we proceed, please?

Of course, Mr. Pinter.

Now, as a general rule,
the White House prefers

to waive as much protocol
as possible

in affairs of this nature.

I would say a general feeling
of informality should prevail.

Uh, what would the president
prefer for dinner?

Rack of lamb.

President's gonna have
dinner here?

That's right, Harold.
Goodbye.

Goodbye? I'm gonna
cook dinner for him.

My first day on the job.
Won't my father would be proud?

No... I thought he was
the cleaning man.

He's a jack-of-all-trades.

TONY:
Hey! Harold?

Oh, well, I never...
What?

Don't worry. I'll fix it.

Please, don't worry.

I'm terribly sorry about this.

They're new on the job.

Well, I should think
you might be.

Look at this!

TONY:
I, uh...

There you are.
Good as new.

Harold, perhaps we should
go clean the kitchen.

Yeah, right.

I apologize,
Mr. Pinter.

Where did you find
that cleaning man?

Where did you find
that cleaning man?

Where...? Where...? Where...?

Where'd we get the cleaning man?

Well, maybe you'd like
to go back

and change your clothes
at your hotel.

I'd rather get this over with
as soon as possible.

Now, the president
will enter first.

He will be followed
by General Walton.

There's a very nice
rack-of-lamb house

right on the edge of town.

President's probably tired
of eating home-cooked...

The president was very specific.

He will dine here tonight.

Now, may I inspect the kitchen?

Tell me the truth.

Do you think
I made a good impression?

Harold, why do you not try
another line of work?

This was my dad's idea.

I wanted to be a chariot driver.

Harold, do not stir the salad.

Toss it.

TONY: Uh, sir, uh, there's
no really... Reason to go...

Roger, where did you get
those people anyway, huh?

I don't understand
why you should ever...

The president prefers Roquefort.

I'm terribly sorry about the...

TONY:
I... Uh, sir, please, uh...

Can't I even mash the potatoes?

Now, remember our deal.

You will not do anything
all evening,

and I will have a chariot race
with you tomorrow.

I can't wait.

The last race I had
was with Ben-Hur.

Who won?

It's not who won.

It's how you play the game.

Hi, uh, h...?
How's everything coming, huh?

Oh, wonderfully, master.

There, the potatoes
are finished.

The dessert is made.

I will now just finish
the garlic bread.

And I will put the lamb in just
before the president arrives.

Zachary Taylor.

What about him?

Oh, you will not have
to worry about Harold.

Oh, all right.

Now, I'm gonna go
and take a shower

and change clothes, huh?

I wish I could stay and watch.

Watch your tongue.
Yes, master.

[THUNDER CRASHES]

It was just an expression.

Just think,
the president here for dinner.

Even your father
will be impressed by that.

Except I have nothing
to do with it.

I mean, you're supposed to be
training me.

I tell you what,

you can get the lamb
out of the freezer.

Big deal.

Where is it?

It is right here on top.

I will go set the table.

It's not here.

Jeannie!
It...

She must have left it
at the market. Jeannie!

[♪]

What do I need her for?

Dad will be real proud of me.

Yeah, lamb.

[SHEEP BLEATING]

JEANNIE:
Master!

Huh?

[SHEEP BLEATING]

Harold, do something.

Oh, I did.
I'm afraid to do any more.

I'll get 'em out one by one.

[SHRIEKS] Oh, no.

N-n...! N-n-n-n...!
No! No!

Master!

JEANNIE:
Master!

What is it?

Jeannie?

JEANNIE:
Master!

Jeannie?

Jeannie?
[BLEATS]

[SHEEP BLEATING]

[MUTTERING]

Aagh!

Jeannie.

Jeannie, what have you done?

What...?
Jeannie, what have you done?

[DOORBELL RINGS]

It's him. The president
of the United States

is right outside my door.
You know that?

Master, does he like sheep?

Would you please
get rid of these?

I cannot. Harold did it.

Well, Harold,
would you get rid of 'em?

If the president liked fish,
this never would have happened.

Master, master, they are gone.

Huh? Oh.

Oh, sorry.
Thanks, Jeannie.

Oh, it was not I.
Well, thanks, Harold.

I'm sor...
It was not I.

Yeah?
Well, thanks, Dad.

Well, I-I'm over.
My finished...

My career is gone.

Oh, wait, master,
you are not dressed.

I will fix it.
No, no, I will fix it.

[ANGRILY] Somebody do something.

Out, out. Go on.

[GROANS]

Good evening, Mr. President.

It's certainly an honor to...

[♪]

Good night, Mr. President.

It was a delicious dinner,
major.

I'm glad you could make it.

Good night.
Good night.

[CHUCKLING] What can I say?

[CHUCKLES SLYLY]
[CHUCKLES]

Yeah.
Yeah.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Good night, major.

Frankly, I couldn't have been
more surprised.

Well, I'm glad you had
a good time, sir.

"Good"...

doesn't describe it.

Good night, major.
[MUMBLES INDISTINCTLY]

[♪]

[SIGHS]

[CHUCKLES]

Oh, boy.

It was a lovely party, master.

[CHUCKLES]

You were here?
Oh, yes.

And I saw everything,
and you were wonderful.

You should be the president.

[BOTH LAUGH]

I was great... Har...?
Where's Harold?

Oh, he has gone.

For good?
Oh, for good.

Are you sure?
I am sure, master.

[BOTH LAUGH]

All right, let's celebrate.

I'll open a bottle
of champagne and...

[CRASH]

[COUGHING]

You forgot to mark
my report card.

[♪]

[♪]