I Dream of Jeannie (1965–1970): Season 3, Episode 12 - Jeannie and the Great Bank Robbery - full transcript
Tony tells Jeannie to go help someone else and she unknowingly helps some crooks rob a bank.
[♪]
BELLOWS:
No, major. For the 10th time,
the answer is no.
I-I really don't think
it's a terribly good idea, sir.
I honestly believe
I could accomplish
a lot more work at the office.
Oh, uh, nonsense.
Phone ringing constantly,
people running in
and out with questions.
This report is important,
and I want you to have a place
completely free of distractions.
Yes, sir.
Oh.
There's that report
I was looking for.
Now, this should
come in very handy.
Besides, General Burger
wants the report
by the end of the week.
And that means
we're all under the gun.
Yes, sir.
Well, uh, I see.
If we could take three days,
18 hours a day,
we might be able to finish.
Not might, major. Must.
Now, uh...
Uh, just think of yourself
as being chained
to a worktable.
Sir?
Well, that always helped me.
Oh, all right.
Well, uh, good luck.
Thanks.
Oh, uh...
[CHUCKLES]
Oh, uh...
And, uh, remember:
No distractions.
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
Do not worry, master.
[GASPS]
I heard Dr. Bellows.
But with my help,
you will be finished with
your report in five minutes.
[SIGHS] Then we can
go to the beach.
There's a lovely beach
in Jamaica
with a white sand, and
blue water and little fishes.
Yeah. No, no, no.
Jeannie, this kind of work
is not in your line.
You do not want my help?
Mm. No. No.
And the sooner I get
started, the sooner...
Here, would you hold that?
The sooner I'll finish.
Tsk.
Yes, master.
But at least I can
help you get started.
Yeah.
Jeannie?
Jeannie, what are you...?
There.
Oh.
[GROANS]
There. Now you are
ready to work, master.
I will go make you
some fresh Turkish coffee.
[CHUCKLES]
Oh. Thank you.
Oh, I forgot, the report
has to be, uh...
Well...
[CHUCKLES]
You are plunging in, aren't you?
Yes, well, I...
didn't wanna waste
any time, sir. I...
Can I help you?
[♪]
[♪]
Major Nelson, when I said
chained to your worktable,
it was just a figure of speech.
[CHUCKLES] Yeah. Well. I
just got carried away, sir.
Well, it may not be a bad idea.
Huh?
Oh, uh, nothing.
Uh, what I came back
to tell you was
that Gen. Burger wants
the report in triplicate.
In triplicate?
Yes.
Yes.
Well, good luck.
Thank you.
Heh-heh. Chain
on your leg.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
[DOOR OPENS,
CLOSES]
[GROANS]
Here's your coffee, master.
Yeah.
Thank you... Jeannie,
would you just
remove the chain, please?
Oh, but master,
Dr. Bellows said...
Well, I just don't think
it's fair
for you to do everything for me.
Oh. But that is a genie's job,
to help her master.
Please
take this off. Please?
Oh, yes, master.
Now... what else
would you
like me to do for you, master?
Oh. I don't know.
Why don't you go take a walk?
Or, uh... Here.
Read a book.
That's a pretty interesting
technical book.
Uh, anything. Just... Just
as long as you leave me alone.
I... Why don't you go help
somebody else, huh?
Someone else? Who?
Yeah.
Well, I don't know.
I know.
Someone without a genie.
Yeah. Oh, it would be great fun.
I will find a stranger
and solve his problem.
All right.
Oh, thank you, master.
Yeah, good.
Good, good.
You go find a stranger
and help him.
Find a stranger?
No, Jeannie, you wouldn't
do that.
Jeannie? Jeannie?
Jeannie?!
No, no, baby.
You didn't do your part.
Mommy throws the stick...
and you bring it back.
Mommy threw it.
But you didn't bring it here.
I wish you could tell Mommy
where the stick is.
In the bushes, stupid.
That's no way to talk to Mommy.
You talked to Mommy.
But you can't talk.
Can you?
No.
I know...
[GASPS]
You did it again.
You're a talking dog.
And you're a raving maniac.
[GASPS]
I suppose you think
that's funny.
Trying ventriloquism
on a defenseless dog.
Oh, no, you are wrong.
Your dog did talk.
I ought to report you
to the Humane Society.
Yeah.
Oh, well. I will
do better next time.
Oh. I will
get it.
No, no, Milton.
For that kind of a job,
we need help.
Girard, all of our contacts
are either occupied or
they are up the river.
We cannot find help.
Someone is asking for help.
Oh, I would be most happy
to help you.
Beat it, sister.
You do not want my help?
Now, why would you
wanna help us?
Because all of your friends
are up the river.
Let's get rid of her, Milton.
Just a moment, Girard.
Do you happen to own a car,
angel pie?
N-no. But I-I can get one.
Girard, our prayers
have been answered.
If you can get that
little car and meet us
at the corner of 12th and Main
say, about an hour,
you will restore
our faith in humankind.
Oh, thank you, sir.
[CLAPS]
[TONY MUTTERING]
And the cube root
of 20,600 is...
Twenty-seven-point-
forty-one.
Twenty-seven-point f...
Where have you been?
In the park.
Did you miss me, master?
Well, I was worried about you,
if that's what you mean.
You must not worry
about me, master.
You have work to do.
[PHONE RINGS]
Yeah.
Yeah, hello.
I met two of the nicest men.
Uh, y-yes,
Dr. Bellows.
Well, it's... It's
coming along fine.
Uh, I-it... I've been at it
since you've left.
They need a car.
Yeah.
Well, right now, sir,
it's impossible to say.
Yeah, I've just made
a dent in it.
I think maybe they want to
take me for a ride.
May I borrow yours?
Huh?
Mm-hm.
Yeah.
Well, uh, I-I'm into
the second section, sir.
[SQUEALS] Right.
Ha.
Well, there's not much I can
do about it until I get the f...
Uh. Uh, be careful.
No. No. Not...
Not you, sir.
No. It's just a friend of mine
borrowing my car.
Yeah.
Borrowing my car?
She can't even drive
a magic carpet.
Wait a minute! Hey!
Magic carpet?
[TIRES SCREECHING]
But I do not understand.
If the money is yours,
why do you not
take it out of the bank?
My father,
Mr. Walsingham,
happens to be the president
of that very bank
where I want you
to make the withdrawal.
Will he not give you the money?
No. And you know
why not?
Because I wanna donate it
to the Transylvanian
Orphans Society.
His father wouldn't give
them orphans a dime. Nah.
Oh, that is terrible.
I will be honored to help you.
I knew you would.
[CHUCKLES]
But how do I get the money?
Oh.
Just hand this note
to the teller.
When he reads that,
he'll give you everything
he's got.
Oh, how lovely. Ha.
I will be right back.
Milton?
Huh?
Drive me to the police station.
I wanna give myself up.
Oh, what are you talking
about? It's perfect.
Milton. Any dame
who's stupid enough
to believe that story,
has got to land us in the clink.
Come on, let's go.
[♪]
Excuse me.
Uh, can you tell me
where may I buy some money?
Thank you.
Thank you.
Good afternoon.
May I help you?
Oh, yes, please.
Oh, I think we...
Is there something
you do not understand?
Oh. How lovely.
[CHUCKLES]
Oh, thank you.
You will be happy
to know this money
is going to a very good cause.
Bye-bye.
Stop, thief!
Thief? Thief.
Mr. Walsingham. Thief!
[ALARM RINGING]
Where? Where?
Thief!
Where?
Huh.
Huh. Oh... Oh, God.
Oh, God. God.
Oh, my goodness. Where?
Don't... Don't just
stand here.
Come on.
We've been robbed!
Stop, thief.
Mr. Walsingham.
[♪]
[SIREN WAILING]
[GRUNTS]
Mr. Walsingham.
Hold it a second.
There. Now I've helped
more people.
Oh, my master
will be so pleased.
Oh, thank you.
Excuse me.
The most terrible
thing happened.
Someone tried to rob
your father's bank.
[YELLS INDISTINCTLY]
Right here. They... Over there.
Stop, thief!
Oh, look, he got away again.
[ENGINE STARTS]
[TALKS INDISTINCTLY]
[MUFFLED SHOUTING]
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
Yes. Yes, come in!
Oh, uh, good evening,
Major Nelson.
Sorry to barge in
on you like this.
Uh... Uh, this is
Inspector Conway.
How do you do, sir?
How do you do?
Mm. Heh.
Still hard at work, I see.
Oh, yes, sir.
An order's an order.
I haven't moved from this spot
since this afternoon.
Not even to take a little ride,
say about 2:30?
A ride? Mm, no.
This headline
mean anything to you?
Uh... "Daring Daylight
Bank Holdup,
Glamorous Blond Gets $4000."
No, no. Why? Should it?
It might.
Considering that your car
has been identified
as the getaway vehicle.
What, my car?
Well, that's impossible.
This afternoon, you said
that someone borrowed you car.
Yeah, that's... That's right.
Yes, um...
Yes, I did say that.
Who borrowed it?
[CLEARS THROAT]
Uh... Well, I don't remember.
See? He doesn't remember.
You don't remember?
Look, inspector,
I think it's obvious
what happened.
Well, tell me, what happened?
What do you mean?
What happened?
Oh. Yeah... Well, uh...
this-this person borrowed my car,
and, uh...
it was stolen
by the bank robber.
Now, that's reasonable,
isn't it?
Uh-huh. That's reasonable, isn't it?
Uh-huh.
Except that his car is parked
in front of his house.
Yeah... What?
Yeah, there... It's out there
all right, yeah.
Nice of the thief to
bring it back, wasn't it?
Yeah. No,
I mean, uh, well...
I'll have to ask you to come
down to the station with me.
Can't it wait until
the morning, inspector?
Major Nelson is working on
a top priority report for NASA.
All right.
But I'll be back.
Oh, thank you. Thank you, sir.
Uh...
[DOOR OPENS]
[DOOR CLOSES]
Tell me you're not involved.
Tell me you're not
involved in any way.
Is that an order, sir?
Yes.
I'm not involved in any way.
I believe you.
And remember.
Don't let me down.
[DOOR OPENS]
[DOOR CLOSES]
[GROANING]
Do not worry, master.
[GASPS]
I will give myself up.
Jeannie.
And when they ask me
if I know you,
I will not tell them.
Even if they torture me...
Jeannie.
I will not tell them that
you are my master. Jeannie.
And then they will
put me in jail.
And you will come to see me
on visiting days.
In Baghdad, visiting days
were Tuesdays and Thursdays.
I wonder... Would you
please just cut it out?
You will not come to visit me?
How could you rob a bank?
Oh, it was easy.
I did it with
a little piece of paper.
[LAUGHING]
Well, I did not know I was
doing it. My friends tricked me.
Your friends?
What kind of friends?
The ones you told me
to meet in the park.
I...? The... The ones I told you
to meet in the park?
I was trying to help them.
I only did it
because you were busy...
All right. I know.
It's all my fault.
Now y-you listen to me,
young lady.
By tomorrow morning, I want you
to get that money back
to the bank,
and the robbers to
the police, understand?
Yes, master.
[CHUCKLES]
Are you not glad you have me
to straighten things out
for you?
[CHUCKLING] Yeah.
Yeah, I sure am.
Jeannie... I'm going.
You better get back to
where... Jeannie?
Jeannie.
[SIGHS]
Oh. I can't
believe it.
Master?
Oh!
Do you want me to give the bank
money to the... To the police,
and the bank robbers to the
bank, or the other way around?
The other way around.
Yes, master.
Immediately. [CHUCKLES] Right.
[SIGHS]
[RUSTLING PAPER]
[MOUTHS WORDS]
Master?
Mm?
Which shall I do first?
Get the bank robbers
to the police, and the bank...
Here, I've written it out
for you.
Oh. Ha-ha.
That's clever.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
I only wanted to do it right.
Go!
You know...
Why me?
Why me?
One for you...
and one for me.
And one for you.
One for me.
And one for you.
One for me.
And one for you.
And one for me.
I gotta hand it to you, Milton.
That was one sweet plan.
And one sweet little pigeon.
Don't you forget that.
[CHUCKLES]
Oh, boy, money.
One, two, three, four.
Milton.
The pigeon just flew in.
Please get your things ready.
My master has instructed me
to take you to the police.
The police?!
Why, ma'am,
what on earth for?
Because you tricked me.
Thank you.
[GROANS]
[CRASH]
Now, I'm going to take
this money back to the bank.
To the bank? Of course.
That's where it came from.
Oh, but ma'am,
the bank is closed.
Oh, that does not matter.
I can get in. You can?
And now, we are...
Uh, we are...
I am going to take you
to the police. Mm-hm.
No, Girard.
Are you ready?
The lady is right.
Holy smokes.
She's contagious.
We have committed
a crime, Girard.
We must pay our debt to society.
Dear lady...
are you sure you can
get inside that bank?
Well, of course.
Dear lady.
Dear sweet lady.
I have only one regret.
That I cannot put that money
back into the bank
with my own hands.
Then I wouldn't have this
terrible burden of guilt.
Do you really mean that?
I swear it on
my little wife's hand.
But you're not mar...
[STICK HITS SHOE]
All right.
We will... We will go to
the bank first,
and then go to the police.
I will never forget this.
Neither will I.
The car still outside, lady?
No, but I can get it.
Well, then, dear lady,
you just get it,
and meet us at the bank
in half an hour.
Very well.
Oh. My master is
going to be so pleased.
[GIGGLES]
Her master's
gonna be so pleased?
You should've let me bop her.
Dumbbell.
The papers don't know
anything about us.
They only know about that lady.
If we can get inside that bank,
we can wipe it out.
[CHUCKLES]
Uhh.
That's mine!
No, sir. No, sir.
You must have misunderstood me.
No. I... I didn't say
magic carpet.
No, no. I don't
think s...
[EXASPERATED GRUNT]
Master, we are going to put
the bank money back in the bank.
Yeah, uh... Oh, boy,
are you in trouble.
Uh... No, uh...
I'm waiting for that material
from the lab, sir.
Uh, yeah. Just a moment.
We are going to need
your car again.
Would you just be quiet?
[LAUGHS]
No, not you, sir.
No, I was just, uh...
Yeah.
Uh, right.
Right you are, sir.
I-I'll... I'll get that
as soon as I can. Good...
What? Uh... Hey... Hey!
Wait a minute!
[PHONE RINGING]
Oh. Oh.
What did she say? We're gonna
put the money back in the bank.
We're gonna put the money
back in the bank.
[PHONE CONTINUES
RINGING]
That's the car.
Where is she?
I tell you, she's
setting us up, Milton.
I don't like it.
It's a trap.
You may be right.
Let's decamp.
Yoo-hoo!
I am over here.
Shh! Silence,
my little pumpkin.
We don't wanna wake up
the children.
They might be sleeping.
Oh. Of course.
You brought the money.
I knew you would.
Well, we gave
a solemn oath, lady.
Well, shall we go in?
But what about the alarm system?
Oh, do not worry about that.
I have taken care of everything.
Milton. Let's offer
her a partnership.
Inspector, that's ridiculous.
He swore that
he wasn't involved.
His car is at the bank?
At 2 a.m.?
Well, he's undoubtedly
just making a deposit.
A night deposit.
12th and Main.
I'll be right down.
[GROANS]
Oh.
I wish she wouldn't do
these things.
Master?
[GASPS]
What is it?
What are you doing here?
What am I doing here?
What are you doing here?
Oh, we are putting
the money back in the vault.
We?
You mean you opened
the vault for those guys?
Well, of course, master.
You told me,
"Bank money to the bank."
I know what I told you.
Just don't do anything anymore,
would you, please?
Yes, master.
Turn on the lights, will you?
But you told me
not to do anything...
I know. Just turn on
the lights.
Yes, master.
Girard. Somebody turned
on the lights. Huh?
Girard!
Huh?
Oh, good.
Now I can see.
Would you mind investigating it?
What?
Investigate.
Oh, sure.
Jeannie, these guys
are dangerous.
If they are dangerous,
you had better let me help you.
No. I'm well-trained
in unarmed combat.
Now, you go over there
and sit down.
Oh, but master...
Go on, go on.
Very well, master.
Go on.
All right, you guys,
come on out of there.
Uh, hi.
Uh...
[CHUCKLING]
Now, uh, I think we can
talk this over, fellas.
Girard.
A-all right, that's enough
of that. I'm not kidding you.
Master?
Yes?
What is it?
[CHUCKLES]
What is this?
What...?
I'm not helping.
What is this?
What is it? I...
[GIRARD GROWLING] [SCREAMS]
Now take it easy, will you?
[YELLS]
[GASPS]
[GIRARD GROWLING] Aah!
[YELLS]
[GASPS]
What is this?
What kind of help...?
Oh, master, you're
doing beautifully.
[GASPS]
[YELLING]
[JEANNIE SHRIEKS]
You are sure you would not
like me to help you, master?
No, Jeannie.
I wanna do it myself.
Oh.
Oof!
[GRUNTS]
[LAUGHING]
Now wait a...
Wait a minute.
I'm gonna open you up
like a can of sardines.
TONY: Oh, no. No, wait... Whoa!
What is...?
Major...
Major Nelson.
What is this all about?
Well, I, uh...
BELLOWS:
You'll find that Major Nelson
has an explanation
for almost everything.
Uh, you can explain it,
can't you?
[GIGGLING] Well...
Uh. I'm afraid I'm gonna have to
tell you the truth, sir.
I know what you're
going to tell me.
When you learned that your car
had been used
for the bank robbery,
you tracked down
the bank robbers
and captured them
single-handedly.
Right, major?
I couldn't have explained it
better myself, sir.
Get these people out of here.
GIRARD: Oh, yeah.
CONWAY: All right, major.
[♪]
I really don't
understand you, Major Nelson.
In fact, I never have.
We've been through some
baffling experiences before,
but this...
This is incredible.
Would you mind telling me
what you're doing in armor?
Never mind.
All I can say
is that I've never been
so relieved in my life.
Thank you.
Congratula...
I...
[SIGHS]
Oh.
He's done it to me again.
[♪]
BELLOWS:
No, major. For the 10th time,
the answer is no.
I-I really don't think
it's a terribly good idea, sir.
I honestly believe
I could accomplish
a lot more work at the office.
Oh, uh, nonsense.
Phone ringing constantly,
people running in
and out with questions.
This report is important,
and I want you to have a place
completely free of distractions.
Yes, sir.
Oh.
There's that report
I was looking for.
Now, this should
come in very handy.
Besides, General Burger
wants the report
by the end of the week.
And that means
we're all under the gun.
Yes, sir.
Well, uh, I see.
If we could take three days,
18 hours a day,
we might be able to finish.
Not might, major. Must.
Now, uh...
Uh, just think of yourself
as being chained
to a worktable.
Sir?
Well, that always helped me.
Oh, all right.
Well, uh, good luck.
Thanks.
Oh, uh...
[CHUCKLES]
Oh, uh...
And, uh, remember:
No distractions.
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
Do not worry, master.
[GASPS]
I heard Dr. Bellows.
But with my help,
you will be finished with
your report in five minutes.
[SIGHS] Then we can
go to the beach.
There's a lovely beach
in Jamaica
with a white sand, and
blue water and little fishes.
Yeah. No, no, no.
Jeannie, this kind of work
is not in your line.
You do not want my help?
Mm. No. No.
And the sooner I get
started, the sooner...
Here, would you hold that?
The sooner I'll finish.
Tsk.
Yes, master.
But at least I can
help you get started.
Yeah.
Jeannie?
Jeannie, what are you...?
There.
Oh.
[GROANS]
There. Now you are
ready to work, master.
I will go make you
some fresh Turkish coffee.
[CHUCKLES]
Oh. Thank you.
Oh, I forgot, the report
has to be, uh...
Well...
[CHUCKLES]
You are plunging in, aren't you?
Yes, well, I...
didn't wanna waste
any time, sir. I...
Can I help you?
[♪]
[♪]
Major Nelson, when I said
chained to your worktable,
it was just a figure of speech.
[CHUCKLES] Yeah. Well. I
just got carried away, sir.
Well, it may not be a bad idea.
Huh?
Oh, uh, nothing.
Uh, what I came back
to tell you was
that Gen. Burger wants
the report in triplicate.
In triplicate?
Yes.
Yes.
Well, good luck.
Thank you.
Heh-heh. Chain
on your leg.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
[DOOR OPENS,
CLOSES]
[GROANS]
Here's your coffee, master.
Yeah.
Thank you... Jeannie,
would you just
remove the chain, please?
Oh, but master,
Dr. Bellows said...
Well, I just don't think
it's fair
for you to do everything for me.
Oh. But that is a genie's job,
to help her master.
Please
take this off. Please?
Oh, yes, master.
Now... what else
would you
like me to do for you, master?
Oh. I don't know.
Why don't you go take a walk?
Or, uh... Here.
Read a book.
That's a pretty interesting
technical book.
Uh, anything. Just... Just
as long as you leave me alone.
I... Why don't you go help
somebody else, huh?
Someone else? Who?
Yeah.
Well, I don't know.
I know.
Someone without a genie.
Yeah. Oh, it would be great fun.
I will find a stranger
and solve his problem.
All right.
Oh, thank you, master.
Yeah, good.
Good, good.
You go find a stranger
and help him.
Find a stranger?
No, Jeannie, you wouldn't
do that.
Jeannie? Jeannie?
Jeannie?!
No, no, baby.
You didn't do your part.
Mommy throws the stick...
and you bring it back.
Mommy threw it.
But you didn't bring it here.
I wish you could tell Mommy
where the stick is.
In the bushes, stupid.
That's no way to talk to Mommy.
You talked to Mommy.
But you can't talk.
Can you?
No.
I know...
[GASPS]
You did it again.
You're a talking dog.
And you're a raving maniac.
[GASPS]
I suppose you think
that's funny.
Trying ventriloquism
on a defenseless dog.
Oh, no, you are wrong.
Your dog did talk.
I ought to report you
to the Humane Society.
Yeah.
Oh, well. I will
do better next time.
Oh. I will
get it.
No, no, Milton.
For that kind of a job,
we need help.
Girard, all of our contacts
are either occupied or
they are up the river.
We cannot find help.
Someone is asking for help.
Oh, I would be most happy
to help you.
Beat it, sister.
You do not want my help?
Now, why would you
wanna help us?
Because all of your friends
are up the river.
Let's get rid of her, Milton.
Just a moment, Girard.
Do you happen to own a car,
angel pie?
N-no. But I-I can get one.
Girard, our prayers
have been answered.
If you can get that
little car and meet us
at the corner of 12th and Main
say, about an hour,
you will restore
our faith in humankind.
Oh, thank you, sir.
[CLAPS]
[TONY MUTTERING]
And the cube root
of 20,600 is...
Twenty-seven-point-
forty-one.
Twenty-seven-point f...
Where have you been?
In the park.
Did you miss me, master?
Well, I was worried about you,
if that's what you mean.
You must not worry
about me, master.
You have work to do.
[PHONE RINGS]
Yeah.
Yeah, hello.
I met two of the nicest men.
Uh, y-yes,
Dr. Bellows.
Well, it's... It's
coming along fine.
Uh, I-it... I've been at it
since you've left.
They need a car.
Yeah.
Well, right now, sir,
it's impossible to say.
Yeah, I've just made
a dent in it.
I think maybe they want to
take me for a ride.
May I borrow yours?
Huh?
Mm-hm.
Yeah.
Well, uh, I-I'm into
the second section, sir.
[SQUEALS] Right.
Ha.
Well, there's not much I can
do about it until I get the f...
Uh. Uh, be careful.
No. No. Not...
Not you, sir.
No. It's just a friend of mine
borrowing my car.
Yeah.
Borrowing my car?
She can't even drive
a magic carpet.
Wait a minute! Hey!
Magic carpet?
[TIRES SCREECHING]
But I do not understand.
If the money is yours,
why do you not
take it out of the bank?
My father,
Mr. Walsingham,
happens to be the president
of that very bank
where I want you
to make the withdrawal.
Will he not give you the money?
No. And you know
why not?
Because I wanna donate it
to the Transylvanian
Orphans Society.
His father wouldn't give
them orphans a dime. Nah.
Oh, that is terrible.
I will be honored to help you.
I knew you would.
[CHUCKLES]
But how do I get the money?
Oh.
Just hand this note
to the teller.
When he reads that,
he'll give you everything
he's got.
Oh, how lovely. Ha.
I will be right back.
Milton?
Huh?
Drive me to the police station.
I wanna give myself up.
Oh, what are you talking
about? It's perfect.
Milton. Any dame
who's stupid enough
to believe that story,
has got to land us in the clink.
Come on, let's go.
[♪]
Excuse me.
Uh, can you tell me
where may I buy some money?
Thank you.
Thank you.
Good afternoon.
May I help you?
Oh, yes, please.
Oh, I think we...
Is there something
you do not understand?
Oh. How lovely.
[CHUCKLES]
Oh, thank you.
You will be happy
to know this money
is going to a very good cause.
Bye-bye.
Stop, thief!
Thief? Thief.
Mr. Walsingham. Thief!
[ALARM RINGING]
Where? Where?
Thief!
Where?
Huh.
Huh. Oh... Oh, God.
Oh, God. God.
Oh, my goodness. Where?
Don't... Don't just
stand here.
Come on.
We've been robbed!
Stop, thief.
Mr. Walsingham.
[♪]
[SIREN WAILING]
[GRUNTS]
Mr. Walsingham.
Hold it a second.
There. Now I've helped
more people.
Oh, my master
will be so pleased.
Oh, thank you.
Excuse me.
The most terrible
thing happened.
Someone tried to rob
your father's bank.
[YELLS INDISTINCTLY]
Right here. They... Over there.
Stop, thief!
Oh, look, he got away again.
[ENGINE STARTS]
[TALKS INDISTINCTLY]
[MUFFLED SHOUTING]
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
Yes. Yes, come in!
Oh, uh, good evening,
Major Nelson.
Sorry to barge in
on you like this.
Uh... Uh, this is
Inspector Conway.
How do you do, sir?
How do you do?
Mm. Heh.
Still hard at work, I see.
Oh, yes, sir.
An order's an order.
I haven't moved from this spot
since this afternoon.
Not even to take a little ride,
say about 2:30?
A ride? Mm, no.
This headline
mean anything to you?
Uh... "Daring Daylight
Bank Holdup,
Glamorous Blond Gets $4000."
No, no. Why? Should it?
It might.
Considering that your car
has been identified
as the getaway vehicle.
What, my car?
Well, that's impossible.
This afternoon, you said
that someone borrowed you car.
Yeah, that's... That's right.
Yes, um...
Yes, I did say that.
Who borrowed it?
[CLEARS THROAT]
Uh... Well, I don't remember.
See? He doesn't remember.
You don't remember?
Look, inspector,
I think it's obvious
what happened.
Well, tell me, what happened?
What do you mean?
What happened?
Oh. Yeah... Well, uh...
this-this person borrowed my car,
and, uh...
it was stolen
by the bank robber.
Now, that's reasonable,
isn't it?
Uh-huh. That's reasonable, isn't it?
Uh-huh.
Except that his car is parked
in front of his house.
Yeah... What?
Yeah, there... It's out there
all right, yeah.
Nice of the thief to
bring it back, wasn't it?
Yeah. No,
I mean, uh, well...
I'll have to ask you to come
down to the station with me.
Can't it wait until
the morning, inspector?
Major Nelson is working on
a top priority report for NASA.
All right.
But I'll be back.
Oh, thank you. Thank you, sir.
Uh...
[DOOR OPENS]
[DOOR CLOSES]
Tell me you're not involved.
Tell me you're not
involved in any way.
Is that an order, sir?
Yes.
I'm not involved in any way.
I believe you.
And remember.
Don't let me down.
[DOOR OPENS]
[DOOR CLOSES]
[GROANING]
Do not worry, master.
[GASPS]
I will give myself up.
Jeannie.
And when they ask me
if I know you,
I will not tell them.
Even if they torture me...
Jeannie.
I will not tell them that
you are my master. Jeannie.
And then they will
put me in jail.
And you will come to see me
on visiting days.
In Baghdad, visiting days
were Tuesdays and Thursdays.
I wonder... Would you
please just cut it out?
You will not come to visit me?
How could you rob a bank?
Oh, it was easy.
I did it with
a little piece of paper.
[LAUGHING]
Well, I did not know I was
doing it. My friends tricked me.
Your friends?
What kind of friends?
The ones you told me
to meet in the park.
I...? The... The ones I told you
to meet in the park?
I was trying to help them.
I only did it
because you were busy...
All right. I know.
It's all my fault.
Now y-you listen to me,
young lady.
By tomorrow morning, I want you
to get that money back
to the bank,
and the robbers to
the police, understand?
Yes, master.
[CHUCKLES]
Are you not glad you have me
to straighten things out
for you?
[CHUCKLING] Yeah.
Yeah, I sure am.
Jeannie... I'm going.
You better get back to
where... Jeannie?
Jeannie.
[SIGHS]
Oh. I can't
believe it.
Master?
Oh!
Do you want me to give the bank
money to the... To the police,
and the bank robbers to the
bank, or the other way around?
The other way around.
Yes, master.
Immediately. [CHUCKLES] Right.
[SIGHS]
[RUSTLING PAPER]
[MOUTHS WORDS]
Master?
Mm?
Which shall I do first?
Get the bank robbers
to the police, and the bank...
Here, I've written it out
for you.
Oh. Ha-ha.
That's clever.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
I only wanted to do it right.
Go!
You know...
Why me?
Why me?
One for you...
and one for me.
And one for you.
One for me.
And one for you.
One for me.
And one for you.
And one for me.
I gotta hand it to you, Milton.
That was one sweet plan.
And one sweet little pigeon.
Don't you forget that.
[CHUCKLES]
Oh, boy, money.
One, two, three, four.
Milton.
The pigeon just flew in.
Please get your things ready.
My master has instructed me
to take you to the police.
The police?!
Why, ma'am,
what on earth for?
Because you tricked me.
Thank you.
[GROANS]
[CRASH]
Now, I'm going to take
this money back to the bank.
To the bank? Of course.
That's where it came from.
Oh, but ma'am,
the bank is closed.
Oh, that does not matter.
I can get in. You can?
And now, we are...
Uh, we are...
I am going to take you
to the police. Mm-hm.
No, Girard.
Are you ready?
The lady is right.
Holy smokes.
She's contagious.
We have committed
a crime, Girard.
We must pay our debt to society.
Dear lady...
are you sure you can
get inside that bank?
Well, of course.
Dear lady.
Dear sweet lady.
I have only one regret.
That I cannot put that money
back into the bank
with my own hands.
Then I wouldn't have this
terrible burden of guilt.
Do you really mean that?
I swear it on
my little wife's hand.
But you're not mar...
[STICK HITS SHOE]
All right.
We will... We will go to
the bank first,
and then go to the police.
I will never forget this.
Neither will I.
The car still outside, lady?
No, but I can get it.
Well, then, dear lady,
you just get it,
and meet us at the bank
in half an hour.
Very well.
Oh. My master is
going to be so pleased.
[GIGGLES]
Her master's
gonna be so pleased?
You should've let me bop her.
Dumbbell.
The papers don't know
anything about us.
They only know about that lady.
If we can get inside that bank,
we can wipe it out.
[CHUCKLES]
Uhh.
That's mine!
No, sir. No, sir.
You must have misunderstood me.
No. I... I didn't say
magic carpet.
No, no. I don't
think s...
[EXASPERATED GRUNT]
Master, we are going to put
the bank money back in the bank.
Yeah, uh... Oh, boy,
are you in trouble.
Uh... No, uh...
I'm waiting for that material
from the lab, sir.
Uh, yeah. Just a moment.
We are going to need
your car again.
Would you just be quiet?
[LAUGHS]
No, not you, sir.
No, I was just, uh...
Yeah.
Uh, right.
Right you are, sir.
I-I'll... I'll get that
as soon as I can. Good...
What? Uh... Hey... Hey!
Wait a minute!
[PHONE RINGING]
Oh. Oh.
What did she say? We're gonna
put the money back in the bank.
We're gonna put the money
back in the bank.
[PHONE CONTINUES
RINGING]
That's the car.
Where is she?
I tell you, she's
setting us up, Milton.
I don't like it.
It's a trap.
You may be right.
Let's decamp.
Yoo-hoo!
I am over here.
Shh! Silence,
my little pumpkin.
We don't wanna wake up
the children.
They might be sleeping.
Oh. Of course.
You brought the money.
I knew you would.
Well, we gave
a solemn oath, lady.
Well, shall we go in?
But what about the alarm system?
Oh, do not worry about that.
I have taken care of everything.
Milton. Let's offer
her a partnership.
Inspector, that's ridiculous.
He swore that
he wasn't involved.
His car is at the bank?
At 2 a.m.?
Well, he's undoubtedly
just making a deposit.
A night deposit.
12th and Main.
I'll be right down.
[GROANS]
Oh.
I wish she wouldn't do
these things.
Master?
[GASPS]
What is it?
What are you doing here?
What am I doing here?
What are you doing here?
Oh, we are putting
the money back in the vault.
We?
You mean you opened
the vault for those guys?
Well, of course, master.
You told me,
"Bank money to the bank."
I know what I told you.
Just don't do anything anymore,
would you, please?
Yes, master.
Turn on the lights, will you?
But you told me
not to do anything...
I know. Just turn on
the lights.
Yes, master.
Girard. Somebody turned
on the lights. Huh?
Girard!
Huh?
Oh, good.
Now I can see.
Would you mind investigating it?
What?
Investigate.
Oh, sure.
Jeannie, these guys
are dangerous.
If they are dangerous,
you had better let me help you.
No. I'm well-trained
in unarmed combat.
Now, you go over there
and sit down.
Oh, but master...
Go on, go on.
Very well, master.
Go on.
All right, you guys,
come on out of there.
Uh, hi.
Uh...
[CHUCKLING]
Now, uh, I think we can
talk this over, fellas.
Girard.
A-all right, that's enough
of that. I'm not kidding you.
Master?
Yes?
What is it?
[CHUCKLES]
What is this?
What...?
I'm not helping.
What is this?
What is it? I...
[GIRARD GROWLING] [SCREAMS]
Now take it easy, will you?
[YELLS]
[GASPS]
[GIRARD GROWLING] Aah!
[YELLS]
[GASPS]
What is this?
What kind of help...?
Oh, master, you're
doing beautifully.
[GASPS]
[YELLING]
[JEANNIE SHRIEKS]
You are sure you would not
like me to help you, master?
No, Jeannie.
I wanna do it myself.
Oh.
Oof!
[GRUNTS]
[LAUGHING]
Now wait a...
Wait a minute.
I'm gonna open you up
like a can of sardines.
TONY: Oh, no. No, wait... Whoa!
What is...?
Major...
Major Nelson.
What is this all about?
Well, I, uh...
BELLOWS:
You'll find that Major Nelson
has an explanation
for almost everything.
Uh, you can explain it,
can't you?
[GIGGLING] Well...
Uh. I'm afraid I'm gonna have to
tell you the truth, sir.
I know what you're
going to tell me.
When you learned that your car
had been used
for the bank robbery,
you tracked down
the bank robbers
and captured them
single-handedly.
Right, major?
I couldn't have explained it
better myself, sir.
Get these people out of here.
GIRARD: Oh, yeah.
CONWAY: All right, major.
[♪]
I really don't
understand you, Major Nelson.
In fact, I never have.
We've been through some
baffling experiences before,
but this...
This is incredible.
Would you mind telling me
what you're doing in armor?
Never mind.
All I can say
is that I've never been
so relieved in my life.
Thank you.
Congratula...
I...
[SIGHS]
Oh.
He's done it to me again.
[♪]