I, Claudius (1976): Season 1, Episode 4 - What Shall We Do About Claudius? - full transcript

(MAN) "Thaw follows frost,
hard on the heels of spring

"treads summer bound to die..."

(CLAUDIUS) Myself when young -
not a pretty sight

"Then back to wintertide again
where nothing stirs.

"But, oh, what?re
the sky-led season mar,

"Moon upon moon rebuilds it
with her..."

Postumus, Agrippa's sole surviving son,
and my best friend.

His mother, Julia was banished
you may remember,

and his two elder brothers
died mysteriously.

"..If the gods in heaven should add
the morrow to the day..."

The golden-haired Apollo
is Germanicus my brother -



already a great soldier.

"..will ever hold.

"When thou descendest once
the shades among,

"the stern assize..."

And if you wait a moment, you will
see a creature of a different kind -

Livilla my sister.

Yes there she is tormenting
Postumus as usual

when her husband is away.

"..Shall friend thee more."

Oh, beautiful. beautiful

Horace, my dear fellow,
such language. Wonderful. Wonderful

Weren't they lovely poems?

Exquisite.
Now, that's what I call poetry.

Ovid! No comparison.
It's better than Ovid.



I don't care what they say!
I've never liked that man.

His poetry's very beautiful.
but it's also very smutty.

A lot of it's downright indecent.

I wouldn't have him in the house.
Thank you.

People say that he has a lovely voice,
but what does he do with it?

Talks a lot of smut, that's what!

Write poetry, yes,
but write about nice things -

things you'd like your children to hear.

I want a copy of the book
when you publish.

- Of course, Caesar.
- I've got a present for you.

- But Caesar...
- It's a little gold statue.

Etruscan, I think. It's solid gold,
but you'll appreciate it properly.

- You go too...
- No, no. Err, Praxis? Where are you?

- Here, Caesar.
- He knows where it is.

Wait till you see it, really.

- You must come again some time.
- Any time.

I was wondering how long it would
take you to knock that over.

How can you be so clumsy?

(LIVIA) Leave it alone,
for heaven's sake.

If you want to clear up,
you can work in the kitchens.

(ANTONIA) Claudius!

Pina, wake up. It's time to go home.

- Time we all went home.
- Are you leaving?

It's two hours after dark already.

Yes, and there's a lot of work
to do tomorrow.

A sleepy head's a foolish one.

What a poet that Horace is, eh?

Livilla, the whole family was here
except your husband. It won't do.

What can I do?
Castor hates family dinners.

I don't understand that. Tiberius,
you must talk to that son of yours.

- He doesn't listen to me.
- Goodnight, Uncle.

Goodnight, my dear.

- Grandfather.
- Goodnight, Germanicus, Pina.

Goodnight, Grandmother.

That's my foot you're treading on.

- Are we going?
- Sorry.

(ANTONIA) Claudius, do come on.

Postumus, I'll come and sea your troops.
How are they shaping up?

- Very well
- Good.

Goodnight. Goodnight, everyone.

- Goodnight, Domitia.
- Goodnight, Grandfather.

Ah, goodnight, Livilla.

You tell that husband of yours...
You know what to tell him.

- Grandmother.
- Goodnight, my dear.

- You looked very lovely tonight.
- Thank you. Goodnight, Uncle.

- Goodnight, G-Grandfather.
- What? Oh, goodnight, Claudius.

What a wonderful evening.

They?re such good children. I think
they liked their little presents.

What are we going to do
about Claudius?

Claudius? In the matter of what?

The games to be held
in his father's honour.

I don't know.
Must we think about it now?

How much longer can we leave it?
Is he to sit in your box or is he not?

- It'll look odd if he doesn't.
- It might look odder if he does.

Do you want to sit
next to a twitching idiot?

Let's think about it tomorrow.
Goodnight, my dear.

Don't worry about Claudius.

I'll have him to dinner a few times
and see how he gets on.

If we could just stop
that twitching.

Caesar, forgive me, but a courier
has just arrived from Germany.

Are you mad? Do you expect me
to read despatches at this time?

But it's urgent, Caesar.
There's been a terrible disaster.

- Send him in.
- Come in, come in.

Is this the way
you present yourself?

Couldn't you have taken a bath?

Forgive me, Caesar.
I would not have presumed...

- Which legion are you with?
- I was with the 19th.

Was? Have you been transferred?

No, Caesar. The 19th legion
does not exist anymore.

Nor does the 17th, nor the 18th.

The army of Quinctilius Varus was
massacred in the Teutoberg Forest.

Nothing stands between the German
tribes and our provinces in Gaul

Massacred?

What are you saying to me?

There is no army
in Across-the-Rhine Germany.

Troops and orderlies...

auxiliaries and general staff...
massacred to a man.

Those who survived the battle
were hunted down and killed.

Where is Varus?

Dead. When he saw that all was lost,
he killed himself.

Three legions?

Three legions, Caesar.
There's nothing left.

Send for Germanicus and Postumus.
Hurry!

Come to the study. Come with us!

They caught us here and here.

We were on a punitive expedition

because a tax collector
had been murdered.

He sent three legions
on a punitive expedition?

Not at first, Caesar, no.

We'd suffered some early defeats,
so he sent back for the rest.

What happened to the loyal Germans?

They betrayed us. They led us
into the forest and vanished.

But weren't you warned?

Many times, Caesar.

Go on.

We'd err... We'd had a mass
of intelligence

warning us that things
were happening in the villages.

Go on.

The commander ignored it, sir.

That stiff-knocked fool! I should
never have appointed him! Go on.

We were advancing along a track.

We didn't even put out
advance guards.

Progress was slow
because we were felling trees

and the tribes had time to gather.
Then it started to rain.

The archers couldn't keep their bows dry
and their shields became soaked.

Our carts got stuck in the mud.

When the Germans attacked,
we were in a hopeless position.

What's happened?

The army east of the Rhine
has bean destroyed. All of it.

Nothing stands between the Germans
and our provinces in Gaul

How did you get out?

Only one officer kept his head -
Cassius Chaerea.

About 120 of us cut our way out
and back to the fort.

- The others are still there.
- All right.

Did the Germans take any prisoners?

Yes. They put them in wicker cages
and burned them alive.

Lady, I can't find Postumus Agrippa.
He's not in his room.

Praxis, did it occur to you
he may have visited his wife's room?

Naturally I tried there.
But he wasn't there either.

I then spoke
to one of the palace guards,

who said he'd seen him going towards
your grand-daughter's apartments.

- Livilla?
- Yes.

Naturally, I didn't enquire further
because...

Because her husband
has not yet returned.

With the men Postumus has bean
training, it's about a legion.

It depends whether the Germans
have seized the Rhine bridges.

They won't have taken them.
They?re barbarians. They?ll go for plunder.

Then we'll have to secure
the bridges.

- I'll start tomorrow.
- I'll raise the rest.

No. Germanicus stays here.
There'll be panic. I'll need him here.

Well. it was here. It was years ago,
but I saw it.

Then it's bean stolen probably.

Ah, here is someone.

There's a book we want to look at.
It's by a Greek called Polemocles.

It's a commentary on Polybius'
Military Tactics. It was here.

I'll see if I can find it.

Why, it's young Claudius, isn't it?

Yes, it is, sir.

You're studious.
What are you reading.

Romantic rubbish, I'll be bound.
That's all the young want.

What is it that you're reading?

It's your own
History of the C-C-Civil Wars.

It's rubbish, all right.

- So you know who I am?
- Yes, sir. Asinius P-P-Pollio.

One of our g-greatest historians.

One of them? What do you mean?

- One of the t-two greatest.
- And who is the other one?

Livy, of course.

Well. there can't be two greatest.

That's shilly-shallying
and an abuse of the Roman tongue.

You must choose. Which one
of us would you rather read?

- Pollio, that's not fair.
- Nonsense. The lad's intelligent.

Speak up, boy. Which of us
would you rather read?

Well. it d-d-depends, sir.

- Intelligent, but cowardly.
- No.

I mean, it depends
on what I'm reading for.

For b-beauty of language
I would read Livy,

and for interpretation of fact
I would read P-P-Pollio.

Now you please neither of us
and that's a mistake!

I wasn't t-trying to please,
just to tell the truth.

He might make an historian
after all

The book isn't here. Perhaps
you meant the Octavian library?

I'm not so old that I don't know
what library I'm in!

Excuse me. The book you want,

it's on the t-t-top shelf,
fourth from the window at the back.

I had it out the other day.

Only the t-t-title
is Dissertation on Tactics

and it's by P-P-Polemocrates,
not Polemocles,

and he was a J-J-Jew, not a Greek.

You'd better be right. I don't take
kindly to that many corrections!

- Have I upset him?
- Yes. It'll do him good.

- Do you like history?
- Yes, sir.

But who the devil are you?
Livy called you Claudius.

I'm T-T-Tiberius Claudius
D-Drusus Nero Germanicus.

Oh, that Claudius!
They told me you were a half-wit.

Well. my f-family's ashamed of me
because I s-s...

stammer, and I'm lame
and my head twitches.

Yes, I've noticed that.
Can't you stop it?

No. The doctors said
I might g-g-grow out of it.

Why were you reading
my History of the Civil Wars?

Oh, I'm gathering material for
a life of my father and grandfather.

Oh, I remember them.

They both believed in the Republic.

I know they did.
That's why they died.

I beg your pardon?

I mean, that's why they were poisoned.

- P-p-p-poisoned!
- Sh! Not so loud.

I won't mention any names,
but I'll tell you this.

You say you're writing
a life of your father?

They won't let you finish it.

Who won't?

Never mind. Look here, Claudius,
I'll give you some good advice.

Do you want to live
a long and useful life?

In that case, exaggerate
your stutter and your limp.

Let your wits wander and play
the fool as much as you like.

Do you understand me?

It's a pleasure to talk to you.
I must find Livy.

P-P-Poisoned?

Taste that.

There's nothing like a piece of food
picked fresh from a tree,

or a field or a stalk.

It's very nice, but you didn't
ask me here to taste figs.

Did you aver think
how fortunate we are?

That we weren't born in a hut
on the banks of the Rhine,

or in a grubby little tent in Syria.

Did you aver think what Rome means?

Do you understand the effort

that has gone into making this
little place master of the world?

Do you understand the dedication
needed to maintain it?

Are you displeased with me,
Grandfather?

Sit down.

Listen, Postumus.

We can't afford to sleep, you know.

Other people think only
of their bread and their circuses,

but we have to provide them.

I hear nothing but complaints
about you.

- What sort of complaint?
- Well. all sorts.

You threw a palace guard
into the fountain.

- He was laughing at Claudius.
- Everyone laughs at Claudius.

Will you throw them all
in the fountain?

And people say you're rude
and bad-tempered.

- Who says?
- Livia complains about you a lot.

What does she say?

Well. she says, for example,
that you're a bit of a rake. Is it true?

The night that the courier brought
news from Germany, I sent for you.

Yes. You weren't in your room.

Your wife complains
you don't sleep with her enough.

- I never wanted that marriage.
- You could sleep with her.

She's the same as any other woman.
It's for us to set an example.

Without proper family life,
where will we find people to carry on?

Why has my inheritance
from my father been withheld?

Oh, that's what's bothering you.

You'll get it when I think
you're mature enough to use it.

- Do I have to sit an examination?
- Don't be cheeky with me.

Now, you listen.
Your father was my greatest friend.

He would have taken over. And that's
what I looked for in his sons.

Both your brothers are dead
and you're all I've left of him.

It's my intention
that you should follow me.

- My step-father may not agree.
- Let me worry about Tiberius.

You made him your adopted son
as well

I did it out of respect for
his mother. She's an amazing woman.

But we just don't get on.
I've never liked him.

- He's not right to succeed me,
whatever Livia thinks.

- I say "succeed",
but we are not kings.

- We have no divine right to rule.

- Still. after all my years
of service to the state,

- I think the Senate
will accept my recommendation.

- But you must earn it. You must
give me confidence in you.

(KNOCKING)

Come.

Grandmother? You sent for me.

How are you?

Grandmother?

Why do you deceive your husband
when he's away?

Deceive? I don't understand.

Why do you allow Postumus Agrippa
into your room at night?

But I don't! Who said such a thing?

Come here.

You're not going to lie to me,
are you?

You're not going to treat me
like a fool?

Do you think that I wouldn't know
what happens under my own roof?

I've had you watched, child,
and Postumus Agrippa...

as I had his mother watched -
your Aunt Julia.

Do you remember her?

She was sent to an island
called Pandataria.

It's a few minutes walk
from end to end.

Well. I shouldn't think
she walks it much anymore.

She's bean on it for seven years.

Oh, God! I didn't mean it.

I didn't mean it!
I won't ever do it again.

Don't send me away.

Please. Please. I won't ever
see him again, I swear it.

(Sobbing)

(Crying)

You were always a naughty little girl,
you know that, don't you?

Your mother never punished you
enough.

You won't tell Augustus, will you?

He'll send me away if you do
and I couldn't bear it!

Well. perhaps
that won't be necessary.

Oh, come on, dry your tears.

There.

That's better.

Such a beautiful girl

I was beautiful too once, you know?

They say you were the most beautiful
woman in the world.

There was one other,
but she was in Egypt.

And, besides, she didn't last
as long as I did.

Now, about Postumus Agrippa.
You're not in love with him, are you?

No.

He pestered you, I suppose,
and you gave in.

- What frail creatures we women are.
- He always wanted me.

And you always enjoyed teasing him.
Yes, you did, I've seen it.

I swear to you I won't do it again.

Yes, well. let's not be in too much
of a hurry to swear anything.

My dear, I must talk to you
like a grown woman now.

Can I talk to you?
Can I open my heart to you?

Oh, yes, Grandmother, yes.

Many years ago,
before you were born,

we all went through
the terrible agony of civil war.

Rome tottered and shook
and nearly fell

I'm afraid that may happen again.

And will it?

I'm sure of one thing.

Only a single hand at the helm
will keep this ship on course.

The question is,
whose hand will it be?

If there is any doubt, the rivalry
will plunge us into civil war again.

- Is there a doubt?
- Not in my mind.

But there is in someone else's.

Augustus.

Yes.

And it's my duty to remove
that doubt.

Through everything I've ever done,
that has been my only object.

And now it must become yours.

How, Grandmother?

You want your husband
to become Emperor of Rome?

Yes.

Then his father must become Emperor
before him.

Tiberius must succeed Augustus
if Castor is to succeed Tiberius.

Only then will the line
become established.

It'll seem easier to accept it
than reject it.

And Postumus?

Bravo, my dear,
you've put your finger on it.

Yes. Postumus.

As always, we come back to Postumus.

Nothing! That's what it amounts to -
he's done nothing!

He holds bridges,
but he doesn't cross them.

He's playing some game of his own!

(KNOCKING)
Come in!

What's your son up to?! Six months,
and all he's got are the bridges!

- He sits on his arse all day!
- What does he say?

He says nothing, that's what.
That's what it amounts to.

Those damned barbarians
have got my eagles!

Quinctilius Varus,
where are my eagles?!

Leave.

He is cautious, naturally.

I sent him to get my eagles back,
not to sit on the Rhine!

He has an army of recruits.
Should he risk another ambush?

If he doesn't risk something
he should have stayed here!

- He's playing some game of his own.
- That's a childish thing to say!

Is it? Why doesn't he get my eagles?

He'll move when he judges
the army ready.

He'll move now! I'll send Postumus
with an army to make sure!

I think that wouldn't be wise.

I make the military decisions,
not you!

There's no need to lose your temper.

I wouldn't dream of advising you
on such matters.

My son would welcome reinforcements.

- I question only sending Postumus.
- Why?

- He's unproved and untried.
- Oh, you always say that!

That's because it's always true.

He's the obvious person to send.
He's been training recruits for months.

Training and leading men
into battle are not the same.

Oh! How will he ever learn
if he never does anything?

His brother was Governor of Syria
at 19.

Gaius was different.

You had confidence in him
and so did the Senate.

Gaius was reliable. He was
a statesman. We all loved him.

- Yes, but Postumus...
- Postumus is unpredictable.

And if you send Postumus,
Tiberius will regard it as a criticism.

Good! That's what it's meant to be.
I'm not inquiring after his health!

There's a history of antagonism
between Postumus and Tiberius.

Tiberius will regard Postumus
more of a spy than a support.

He'll think you don't trust him.

That's ridiculous!

Haven't you said you think
he's playing some game of his own?

If you want to avoid friction
between the commanders,

then I suggest you send Germanicus.

All right, I'll send Germanicus!
But I want my damned eagles back!

What's this?

It's a biography.
The beginning of one, anyway.

- A biography of whom?
- By whom is the point.

It's by my idiot grandson Claudius.
Antonia found it in his study.

You don't expect me to read it?

No. I'm having it destroyed.
It's subversive.

- I told him not to continue it.
- How is it subversive?

He praises his father's only fault -
his attachment to the Republic.

He's harmless enough. You don't
want me to punish him, do you?

No.

But I do want a decision on whether
he'll sit in your box at the Games.

The games are in honour of his father.

If we send Germanicus off,
neither of his sons will be in the box.

He should be there, but at the back.

I hope you don't think
I'm going to pay for these games.

So that's how you feel
about the Games!

No. I just feel like that
about paying for them!

Nobody's asking you to pay!

Yes. As long as that's understood.

Was it aver in doubt?

Antonia and I will pay for the Games,
and Germanicus and Claudius.

Claudius? That's even more reason
why he should be in the box.

It'll be a very expensive seat.

And when is he going to get married?

- This year.
- You said that last year.

Yes, but I put it off.

- Will this girl marry him?
- What's it got to do with her?

They were betrothed six years ago.

To be honest, I feel sorry for her.
What's she like?

I don't know. I haven't
seen her since she was 13

- Does she know what she's getting?
- Do any of us?

Look, you've left these matters
to me for the last 30 years.

Are you going to interfere now?

I was asking a question.
Can't I ask a question anymore?

What's wrong with you?
Why are you so bad tempered?!

It's you that's bad tempered!

Your temper gets worse by the day.
Everybody notices it!

I think you could do with a rest!

A long one!

Quinctilius Varus,
where are my eagles?!

(STATELY MUSIC PLAYS)

(CROWD ROARS)

Claudius, not there!
Those are the Imperial seats.

Sit behind. Here, with Herod.

Your nose is running.

Just look at them all They can't
wait to sea the blood start flowing.

I've n-n-never
seen a swordfight before.

I wish Ger-Germanicus was here.

Look at them!
Stuffing themselves with cakes

when men are preparing to die
for their enjoyment.

Oh, Herod! I hope you're
not going to s-s-spoil it all

My dear Claudius, I'm fascinated.

I never cease to wonder
at these spectacles.

It's origin's r-r-religious.

It's a r-r-religious r-r-rite...
r-r-really.

It's an honour.
We render the spirits of the dead.

By rendering more people dead?
How noble!

Oh, shut up, Herod. You're a J-Jew.
You don't understand these things.

Besides, Mother will hear you
and you'll make her cross.

I've a few words to say to you
before these games begin.

Well. gather round.

Now, these games are being held
in honour of my son, Drusus Nero,

who was worth the lot of you
put together.

It's my intention that these games
shall be remembered

long after you're dead and forgotten
even by your nearest and dearest.

You're all scum and you know it,

but you've a chance here -
some of you -

to prove that you're a bit more
than that.

And for those whom death
doesn't liberate,

there'll be plenty of freedoms
handed out afterwards -

to say nothing of gold plate and coin.

But I want a good show.

I want my money?s worth!

I don't want any
kiss-in-the-ring stuff.

And I don't want my family
watching two grown men

pussyfooting around each other for half an
hour - before one of them aims a real blow.

There's been too much of that in the past.

Don't think you can fool me -
I know every trick in the book,

like the pig's blood in the bladder
to make it look as if you're dead.

There's been too much
of that too lately.

These games are being degraded

by the increasing use
of professional tricks to stay alive,

and I won't have it.

So put on a good show and there'll
be plenty of money for the living

and a decent burial for the dead.

If not, I'll break this guild up...

and I'll send the lot of you
to the mines in Numidia.

That's all I have to say.

(TRUMPET FANFARE)

(CROWD ROARS)

Claudius!

Get him up.
This is not a comedy theatre.

That happened to me once.
Do you remember, Livia?

No, I don't.

- It did. Which games was it at?
- I don't remember.

- Or was it at the races?
- The gladiators are saluting you.

Eh?

Oh.

(STEEL CLANGS)

- Calm down, for heaven's sake.
- I'm t-trying.

One of them's about to die
and they look more relaxed than you do.

Drusus would have loved this.

Yes. I was thinking of him.

I'm sure he's watching, my dear.

Poor Drusus.

I'm sure the fat one's going to win.

How about a little bet, Herod?
I'll take the fat man for 20 gold pieces.

It's against my religion
to bet on the life of a man.

Really? I thought you could bet
on anything.

Caesar, it's true.

The Jews love gambling,
but they fear their god more.

- Which one?
- We have only one, Caesar.

I've never understood that.
It's insufficient.

You could have some of ours.

Believe me, Caesar, the one we have
is hard enough to live with!

(CROWD ROARS)

On second thoughts, I'll take the bet.

- Good man!
- Finish him! Finish him!

- Err...
- It's all right. I'll see him home.

Postumus.

- Where's your husband?
- Out on one of his usual jaunts.

Oh, Livilla.

It was all I could do to stop
touching you at the Games today.

I nearly went mad.

Oh, my poor darling.

Oh! Ow!

Murder! Murder!

- Stop it! Help me!
- Livilla...

Don't! Stop it! Help me!

(SHE SCREAMS)

No, please! Help!

Help!

He tried to rape me! Keep him away!

You bitch! You filthy bitch!

What are you? Some kind of animal?

It's a lie. Can't you sea?
The whole thing's a lie.

Look at her. She's terrified!

- She invited me into her room.
- I didn't!

He climbed up and attacked me!

She'd invite you to her room
with her husband a few doors away? !

- She told me he'd be out.
- You filthy pig!

Stop it! Stop it!

Wait outside.

I suppose this isn't your dagger?

Yes, it's mine, but she could
have got it anytime.

What do you take me for?

You expect me to believe
she falsely accused you of rape?

For what reason? Well. tell me!

- Ask her. Perhaps she knows.
- I'm asking you!

He'll incriminate us all
before he's done.

She hates me
and you're too blind to sea it.

Hates you? What do you mean?

She hated my brothers and my mother.

She hates anyone who might come
between you and her son!

What is going on? What is he saying?

Oh, Grandfather, open your eyes!
Throw off the blinkers!

Everyone around you
has either died or disappeared.

Do you think it was all an accident?

My father Agrippa
and before him, Marcellus.

My brothers Gaius and Lucius,
my mother Julia and now me!

Can't you see?
She's clearing a path for herself!

And her other son, Drusus, whose
memory she honours in those games -

ask her how he died!

There was nothing wrong with him
till she sent her physician to him!

Marcellus? Agrippa?

What is he saying? What is he,
some kind of raving lunatic?

Does he think
that they were all murdered?

Are you insane? Or is just
that you want me to think you are?

Yes! You're very clever.

You think that by pretending to be mad
that I'll be lenient with you.

You think insanity will move me
and I'll put you away somewhere.

You're disgusting!

I'd rather clear vomit
off the street than talk to you.

It's incredible, isn't it?

It's too horrific even to think about.

I have to be mad even to mention it.

What a joke!

What a pathetic joke!

It's not me that's mad, it's her!

Look at her, she's a madwoman!

She'll destroy us all
before she's finished, you included!

I could kill you now.

Spill your guts and give you no more
thought than I would a dead dog.

But that's too easy for you.

You're going to suffer,
like your mother suffers.

Yes. Living out your life
on a rock somewhere

with nothing but birds for company.

It won't be on any map
because they?re all too big for you.

But I'll find one, don't worry,
just your size.

In ten minutes. You'll know
every stone and blade of grass.

And you'll stay there
until you rot!

Guard!

Take him out!
Keep him under arrest!

Are you all right?

- I feel unclean.
- It's him that's unclean, not you.

Tomorrow, you and I will go
the temple and make a sacrifice together.

You'll feel better.

(SHOUTING OUTSIDE)
Go on!

(SHOUTING OUTSIDE)

Sh! They?re searching for me
in the grounds. They?ll find me soon.

- I haven't much time.
- Postumus.

Just listen.

Well?

He slipped the guards.
They?re searching the palace.

He won't get far.

If he runs to the ends of the earth,
he'll find a Roman to give him up.

Oh, take your wife to bed!

And, Castor, be nice to her.
Get in beside her. That's your place.

If you'd bean there more often,
this would not have happened!

And you really think my grandmother
put Livilla up to it?

I'm certain of it.

I'll go. If Livia knows I've been here,
your life won't be worth much.

But I wanted you, above all.
to know the truth, and Germanicus.

I'll tell him.
But, listen, stay alive.

Don't give them any excuse
to k-k-kill you.

I'm sorry I won't be at your wedding.

Don't worry.
It'll be a very small affair.

I embarrass them all far too much.

Good. Go on embarrassing them.

Go on playing the idiot.
It's safer that way.

Somebody else said that to me
a while ago. Asinius P-Pollio.

Then we're not the only ones
who know what's going on.

Goodbye, old friend.

(SHOUTING OUTSIDE)

(SOME TITTERING)

(LIVIA) She grew!

She just kept on growing!

(LAUGHTER ECHOES)