I Am a Killer (2018–2020): Season 2, Episode 1 - In Her Hands - full transcript

What I know now

is that there were a lot of people
out there that loved Robby.

I loved him, too,
because he was wonderful.

It's not fair that Robby is not here.

He was only 25...

and he had his whole life ahead of him,

but I made the choice.

I took his life...

and there's nothing I can do to undo it.

This is a true story.

I'll start it off like that.



I just wanted to rebel.
I wanted to cause chaos.

I looked over at him.
We'll see who kills who, huh?

I made the choice.

I took his life.

It's something
that I never intended to do,

I wish I didn't do.

I knew I was gonna get out
of that car and murder those two men.

As he kneeled in front of me,

all I remember is pulling the trigger.

I'd killed them both.

I'd stabbed them to death.

- Oh, goodness.
- Doesn't help.

It's difficult to get it
in the right position.

Yeah, it's weird.



My name is Lindsay Haugen.

I grew up in Portland, Oregon.

I enjoyed going to church.

Um, I loved to study the Bible
and I loved to sing.

In high school, I became very rebellious

and I started to do things
that maybe I would have said no to before.

I started smoking marijuana
and hanging out with a different crowd.

Around 15,

I started to run away from home.

I spent the rest of the time
in Portland, on the streets,

living with a very rough crowd,
and I went straight from

trying marijuana a couple of times, to...

taking methamphetamines,
um, with a needle.

And from there, it became...

heroin, and I realized
that I was addicted.

And I was probably 16.

One day,
I decided to take a pregnancy test,

and it turned out
I'd been pregnant for three months

and I had just turned 17.

I changed... I changed right then.

I stopped using drugs,

and I wanted to be a parent.

I wanted to do well,
and I wanted to take care of my son.

I loved basic training.
I loved the uniform.

I loved being able to do
more push-ups than the boys,

and it was probably
some of the best times of my life.

I met this man in the end of 2013.

He was in the Army as well.

Almost immediately,

he was mean to me when he drank whiskey.

He would lose his mind over things
that didn't even matter,

or weren't real,
that he would make up in his head.

He told me he didn't like my work

because there were
too many attractive men there.

And... I tried to tell him I'm used to it.
This is what I've always worked around,

and it doesn't affect me.
I don't even notice them.

But it didn't matter. It made him crazy.

He hit me while I was driving
a couple of times,

just trying to get me to say
what he wanted me to say.

He just wanted to hear me tell him
that I was not being faithful.

I remember nights of him
throwing me on the floor

and spitting chewed-up food on me,

pouring beer on my head...

Um...

raping me...

in all sorts of ways

and calling me dirty,
calling me names that I wouldn't repeat.

And it got worse.

I remember one time he...

He spit on me...

while I was in the bathroom.

And so, I stood up...

I knew he blocked the only way out.

And so, I lifted my arm to swing at him,
and he grabbed my hand.

And then he grabbed my other hand,
and he crushed them.

I screamed...

until he started mocking my screams.

And so, I stopped screaming,
and I looked him in the eye,

and I felt my hand break.

And...

he put me in a choke-hold.

I said, "If you're gonna do this,
please don't let me wake up,

because I can't do this anymore."

And so, he held me in that choke-hold,

and made me look at myself in the mirror
and said, "Watch yourself die."

And it went dark.

I found myself at home
with no one to talk to but my dog,

drinking... drinking a lot.

I would wake up and I would drink.

I would drink until I went to sleep
and I would wake up and drink again.

It felt crazy.

So, when I met Robby, I had just
gotten out of a tough relationship,

and he had just gotten out of rehab
in June of that year.

But I didn't know that.

What I knew was
that there was this beautiful smile

sitting in a big pile of empty beer cans
on the floor,

with no shirt on and dreadlocks.

And...

just very carefree.

He leaned back on his hands,

and he just went, "Hi," and...

there was just
kind of this instant connection.

Robby embraced
what he called a traveler lifestyle...

but he really lived it a lot harder
than a lot of people did.

He would hop freight trains

and ride to wherever they were going,

hitchhike, whatever it was,

just traveling, never really staying
in one place for a long time.

And I said,
"I'll give you a place to stay.

You don't have to do anything.
Just be here when I get home."

And he said, "I just can't stay
in one place any longer. I need to go."

I said, "Okay, I'll come with you."

There were times when we'd be on the road.
I'd be singing to him.

He'd just look at me and say,
"I just love you."

And I just adored him.

He was my best friend.

And there were times
when I would expect him

to treat me poorly, or to accuse me
of something, or to think badly of me...

and he just wouldn't.

And... I treasured it.

I loved it so much.

But there was a time
when we were driving...

Um, I think we were in Montana
at that point, and...

I was looking at the scenery,
just enjoying it,

thinking, "Man, this is awesome,
look around us," and...

he looks at me,
and he holds my hand, and he says...

"I wish I could just be happy with you,

but I'm not.

And it's not you."

And it just crushed me.

He kept telling me he wanted to see
what the next life was like.

He was hurting.

He'd always be talking or motioning

as though he was shooting himself
in the head.

Talking about how he wanted to die,
about how tired he was.

And I just kept trying
to bring him back from that.

"Robby, you're better than that.
Robby, you have so much to live for."

I took it personally,

like I wasn't enough for him
to be happy with.

One day, he looked at me,
and again, he said, "Lindsay, I'm tired.

I don't wanna do this anymore.

I just wanna die."

So, I said...

"I know of a way to do it that won't hurt.

You'll just go unconscious,
and then you just won't wake up."

He looked at me,
his eyes sparkled,

and he said, "You would do that for me?"

And I said, "Robby, I love you.
I would do anything for you."

And he said, "Okay."

And that floored me,
and I broke down, and I cried so hard.

And so, he said, "No, no, no, no."

He hated to see me sad.
He hated to see me cry.

And so he held me and he said,

"No. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it.
Don't be sad. Please don't be sad."

He just held me
and we slept that night.

And the next morning,
I woke up, and I said,

"I'm sorry I couldn't do that last night.

I didn't expect you to be so ready."

And he said...

"I couldn't have expected you
to do that for me."

And there, again, my heart broke.

I expected him to say,

"No, we were just drunk,
I didn't mean it," or...

you know, "I'm glad you didn't, because,
you know, today is nice," or something.

But, no, he said,

"I couldn't have expected that from you."

And so I just felt
like I'd let him down again.

When we got to Billings,
we sat in the parking lot at Walmart.

We had wine to drink, enjoyed the sun.

And we got back in the truck,

and he motioned again...

that he was shooting himself in the head.

And I...

I... I just felt like I was
letting him down again, like I just...

I thought we were having a nice day,

but now here he is again,
just wanting to die.

And I asked,
"Is that really what you want?"

And he said, "Yes."

And I said, "Are you sure?"

And he said, "Yes."

So I said, "Okay."

And I sat on the center console,
and I said, "Come here."

And he came to me.

And I put...

my arms around his neck,

and then, he just bowed his head.

When I started,
I didn't feel like I could really do it.

I squeezed,
and I could tell it wasn't hard enough.

And so,

I put my other arm behind his neck

and squeezed until he was unconscious.

And...

...he shook.

I thought maybe he was waking up.

I thought
maybe he was gonna stop me.

But then he stopped. He stopped shaking.

And I knew I had to go.

And so, I buckled him in... and...

I went to drive out of the parking lot,

and I realized
I had no idea where I was.

And I...

I looked...

I looked to Robby
because he always knew where to go.

And...

And I said, "Baby, where do I go?"

And he looked like he was sleeping.

And I started to think about...

how I could get him back.

And I pulled into traffic

and crossed lanes
and got into a parking lot.

I unbuckled his seat belt,
and I put him on the center console...

...and I started doing CPR.

And I breathed into him,
and I could hear...

...like air was going in,
like something was happening,

and I begged him, "Robby, please,
wake up, please, wake up!"

And then, I heard a knock on the window.

And somebody said, "Excuse me."

There was a police officer.

I just told him, "I killed him.

Please bring him back."

This is a good time.

There's Robby.

My name is Dori Greeson,

and I was born
and raised in Tampa, Florida.

I love this one.

Robby was my son.

I met my first husband, Bob Mast...

when I was 24.

We had our first son, Benjamin,

and then, we had our second son,
Robby, in 1990.

Robby was fun.

He was outgoing.

Of course, I loved him very much.
And he was so precious.

Well, my name is Gene,
and I actually became...

a part of this family in May of 1996.

I got to be...

I'd been Robby's stepfather about, uh...

I guess, 12 years or so
before they left home.

And I thought we had a good 12 years.

I didn't know when I'd see him
again. I had no idea where he was going.

And Gene and I were standing on the road,
and I just collapsed...

in Gene's arms, because I thought,
"Where's he going? What's he gonna do?"

It was a year and, uh, 24 days

before we heard from him.

The reason we didn't hear
from him very often

was because he knew that his lifestyle

would be painful to us,

especially if he called us
when he was drinking.

We'd be able to tell.
And he knew that would make us sad.

There was just so much we didn't know.

In May, he checked himself
into a alcohol rehab.

Got to talk to his supervisors.

Everybody said he was doing so well.

And so, we thought we would hear
when he got out.

We never heard from him again.

Next thing we heard was, you know,
four months later, he was dead.

It was September the 17th.

When the phone rang,

she just told me that Robby was dead,
just like that.

I was... Of course, I was shocked.
I couldn't believe it. What?

I just yelled and yelled.

I yelled for Robby, "Robby, Robby!
Come back! Robby, come back!"

As if he could hear me, and he would
come back. Just, "Robby, come back."

And when I learned he had been murdered,
I was... I was upset

that somebody...

would... would kill Robby.

You know? Because he was a nice guy.
He was a good guy.

He was just a hurting guy.
I thought maybe someone just killed him

because they didn't think he was
worth anything. And I hated that.

Then I read about it,
and I saw that it was this woman.

And the paper said she was his girlfriend,
and I was like,

"No, no, no. Who is this woman?
And why would she kill Robby?"

It's not every day that,
here in Billings, we have...

a female accused
of such a horrendous crime.

And not only that,
but one that would use their own hands

to commit that crime.

My name's Steve Hallam. I've been
with the Billings Police Department

here in Montana for roughly 14 years.

When I had
Lindsay step into the interview room,

obviously, I kind of had an idea
of how Robby lost his life.

And it was just to figure out
what happened and why it happened.

And when did he start asking you
to end his life for him?

- Probably about a week ago.
- How'd that conversation come up?

We drank a lot of wine, and we were drunk,
and he... he was just like, you know...

"I'm not happy here. I'm really not.
I just wanna die. I just wanna go away."

And I was like, "Well, look...

...I am a big, strong girl,

and I can take you out, and it won't hurt.

I promise you.

Um...

And if that's what you really want,

I love you,
and I want to give that to you."

Very rarely, if ever,
have I ever heard up until this case

somebody asking somebody else
to kill them.

I've been doing this job for a long time.
If somebody wants to end their life,

there are plenty of other ways to do it.

So, let's go back to, uh, this morning.

What were you guys talking about

when laying on the ground
in the parking lot

- behind your Tahoe at Walmart?
- Nothing at all.

We were talking about getting more booze.

- Yeah? Just shooting the shit?
- Yeah.

No, just hanging out and making sure...

According to Lindsay's testimony
up to this point in time,

they're intoxicated
and talking about how good things are.

And now, a couple minutes later,
we're inside the Tahoe.

Now, all of a sudden, she's saying
that Robby's telling her he's not happy.

He wants to die,
and he wants her to kill him.

It just, again, didn't make sense.

Show me what you did.

I put him in a rear naked choke
like this...

Okay.

Until he, like,
he started seizing a little bit.

And then, he passed out.
And I was like, "All right."

And then, once he was out,

I got in front of him
and grabbed his nose and mouth

- and, like, kept his chin shut.
- Okay.

And, like, he foamed at the mouth
a little bit.

Like, I kept thinking he was dead,
and I let him go,

and he'd fucking seize some more.

I'm like, "Robby, you really
fucking want me to do this?

Because I don't want to."

And he just kept putting my hand back.

And I'm like, "Okay, they're apart."

That, right there, is an absolute lie.

If you listen to the video real carefully,
she states that he kept grabbing her hand

and putting the hand back on his mouth.

Well, if you're unconscious,

you're not going to have that ability
to grab somebody

and put their hand back on your mouth.

There's no way that could have happened.

Every act that she's committing on him now
is at her own hand. That's it. Period.

What were you planning on doing
with, uh, Robby's body?

Um...

I was having a hard time with that.
I mean, like, you know,

I was having a hard time
with the whole fucking thing.

But I was just figuring I'd find

a scarcely populated area
and fucking dump him. I mean...

So, after she took the life from Robby,

she was going to find a place
to bury him, drop him off.

And it seems like a total inconvenience,
from her, based on her testimony.

And then,
she's gonna go back to Washington

and act like she never even knew Robby.

So, that goes to show you
just how much she loved Robby.

She didn't love Robby.

If she would have loved Robby,
she would have never done this act.

Even if he begged you to do that,
why did you do that?

We're at the point where the interview
has turned from an interview

into an interrogation.

I was pretty stunned and shocked
what came out of her mouth next.

Lindsay, here's the deal. I've been doing
this shit for a while, okay?

I buy how it happened.

I buy you guys were traveling.

I don't buy that he was unhappy,
and he begged you to take his life.

No, that's absolutely what happened.
That's absolutely what happened.

But yes, um...

I don't, I don't...

I just wanted to kill somebody
with my bare hands, honestly.

Well, then that makes more sense to me.

That right there was stunning. Shocking.

I've never had anybody say that to me
in an interview room before.

So, you just wanted to know
what it felt like to kill somebody

with your bare hands?

- Kind of, but no.
- Okay.

It was also that he asked.

Hang on. One thing at a time, my dear.

- You're making me out to be the bad guy.
- No, I'm not.

- I'm not a bad guy.
- Have I ever called you bad?

- No.
- Are you in handcuffs right now?

- No.
- Do I have, like, five guys next to me

'cause I'm scared shitless of you?

- You should be.
- Huh?

Just kidding.

- No.
- You know what I'm saying?

- I know.
- All right. So, you just came out

and you told me
you just kinda wanted to feel

what it would feel like to kill somebody
with your bare hands.

What is... What made you think like that?

Was it past experiences or what?

Well, my last fiancé,

he broke my hand like this.

And... and then he got...
You know what I mean?

Just like I did to Robby,
and fucking choked me out.

I remember waking up on the floor
and it was like I was under water,

but I wasn't, and I knew he was, like,
he was smothering me, and, uh...

I guess I just wanted to do that back,

but not to someone so sweet like Robby.

He just...
He just wanted it to happen, so I...

I saw my opportunity, I guess.

Okay.

"I saw the opportunity."

That's the whole case there.

Perfect opportunity. He can't fight back.

We're in an unknown location.
Nobody knows us.

I'm ready and willing. Let's get it done.

Let's... I want to take somebody's life.

From her own words. You can't contest

this video and what Lindsay says
in her own words.

I think Lindsay tries to paint a picture
of herself to kind of minimize

who she really truly is.

She is a deliberate homicidal killer.

Let's see what we got here.
So, there is a seven o'clock call,

- which is nine o'clock.
- Does it say 7:00? Where?

- Yeah, here, at 7:00.
- Got it.

Nine o'clock our time.

- Oh, 'cause we're gonna do two.
- We'll do two calls in a row.

Dori and I have been
ministering in prisons

for at least 14 years,
and most of them that we have met

are not the same person they were
before they went to prison.

So, we have compassion

for those people who have lost
their freedom due to their own stupidity

and own bad choices.

Let's be quiet,
because she could come on.

- Hi.
- Hi, guys.

Hi. Oh, you did good.

- So, did you have...
- Okay.

Did you leave early?

No, we all left at the same time,
but there was somebody on the phone,

- so, I had to take a walk.
- Good.

- So, you didn't miss anything?
- No.

I'm going to have to write you up
though, Lindsay, you were 50 seconds late.

- Oh, man.
- You need to work on that.

- I was doing so good.
- Yeah, you're doing so good. I know.

Well, actually,

honestly, Friday, when Dori had
a hard time getting on the computer,

I was, like, 30 seconds late.

- And I didn't know.
- You were? You're admitting that now, huh?

Yeah.

Tell us about it.

- How was your weekend?
- It was amazing.

As the newest girl in choir,
I'm really enjoying it.

I was able to forgive Lindsay

- because I know I am forgiven by God.
- We asked the volunteer

if it was okay if we sang a song together.

To hang on to things

can bring so much resentment inside of us
that it can destroy us.

How about you singing it for us now?

Can you do that?

- Oh, okay.
- It's been a while since I've heard it.

♪ How many times ♪

♪ Have I felt the shame ♪

♪ To see my wrongs again call my name ♪

♪ If you take the time to listen ♪

♪ You hear the same ♪

♪ Your sins are forgiven ♪

♪ And you are whole ♪

♪ Not guilty ♪

Amen.

Thank you, Lindsay.
We love hearing you sing,

and let's say our goodbyes.

We love you. Bye.

Call us anytime. Bye.

I think it's important
to get the message out

about forgiveness,
both receiving it and giving it.

In the beginning,
I think our forgiveness was real.

I think what we didn't have
and what you see now

is we didn't have a love for Lindsay.

I mean, how could you, you know?
As I've said in my first letter,

I usually begin my letters
with "Dear Lindsay,"

but I certainly do not consider you dear,

given what you've done.

But then, it wasn't long in the letters
going back and forth

that I could say, "Dear Lindsay."

I did not expect this to go this far.
I just...

And I felt, you know, okay,

this precious human being is sorry.

She's got to pay for this in prison.

But the letters just kept going until now.

I wish you all could have
been there when Dori met Lindsay.

We were in a room, a visiting park.
They cleared it all out just for us.

So, Lindsay walks in.
We hear her steps coming down the hall.

The door opens.

She walks in. Walking towards Dori.
Dori walking to her.

And Lindsay says,

"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

And Dori says,

"I forgive you.
Lindsay, I forgive you. I love you."

And they hugged.

- Oh, thank you so much.
- You're welcome.

It was just precious,

and Dori knew then
her forgiveness was real,

her love was real.

Of course, I got to say,
Lindsay has brought me a lot of joy

in how she's responded.

♪ You're my friend ♪

♪ And you are my brother even though... ♪

The person who took my son's life...

♪ You are a king... ♪

Her just saying, you know, "I'm so sorry,"

and receiving our forgiveness.

She's been an example
of how I need to be with my savior,

the one who's forgiven me.

♪ ...desire and I long ♪

♪ To worship thee... ♪

This right here...

So, you spent Friday afternoon
in Missoula with, uh, Robby, Robert Mast,

and the girl he was with, Lindsay.

She was pretty intense.
They both definitely had been drinking.

Like, she was really, really about him.

It was like, "Oh, I'm in love with Robby.

I really care about him.
I really like him."

But they hadn't really known each other
that long.

You know somebody for four weeks,

and now, he just out of the blue says,
"You know what?

I've known you for four weeks.
You seem like a great gal.

I don't want to live anymore.
Would you mind killing me?"

Doesn't... No way.
It did not happen like that.

He was talking about his ex a lot,
Kate, who's a mutual friend of ours,

and that seemed to really piss her off.
They were together for years,

and had something really strong,
even though they spent time apart.

That's kind of what he was saying,
that he missed Kate.

You know? It was apparent.
He kept talking about her.

And, uh, Lindsay seemed
pretty annoyed with that.

Why do you think Robby was
with this Lindsay girl?

Um...

I don't know. She had a vehicle.
It's a ride.

They were talking about
going up to the northeast.

I know that's the area Kate was in, too.

Maybe he kind of had ulterior motives,
and maybe she was figuring that out.

That jealousy deep inside her,
knowing that...

she loved Robby way more
than Robby loved her,

if he even did at all.

And he was using her
to get back to the love of his life, Kate.

I think that was kind of fuel on a fire.

And it was a perfect storm
up there in the Walmart parking lot

in Billings, Montana.

When others would say to me,

"I would never be able to forgive someone
who killed my child,"

I felt they were saying it
like I was betraying him.

And I do understand, uh, people who have

a hard time forgiving or even those
who haven't forgiven Lindsay.

We are confident as we could be
about anything in life

that what Robby would want us to do

is to forgive Lindsay.

You know, I know there are some
who doubt whether Lindsay

is being totally honest,

and I don't have any problem
accepting Lindsay's story.

The bottom line is, let's say that it was
premeditated with malice and so forth.

I still believe our place is
to forgive her.

She should have taken him to a hospital,

and he should have gotten
the help he needed.

I know it. Gene knows it. She knows it.

She's expressed that to us.

But I don't make any excuses
for what she did.

I just know

that redemption is real.

We believe that who Lindsay is becoming,

the life that Lindsay is living

helps to give Robby's life purpose.

And in saying that, I guess you'd say
helps to give Robby's death purpose.

People hear the story,
and they think that Dori is maybe damaging

her son's memory
or disrespecting his memory

by being friends with me.

I understand
where they're coming from.

I know it's a hard thing to grasp.

But I can't help think
that Robby would have wanted it this way.

I guess my relationship with Dori and Gene
could be seen as beneficial to my parole,

but... that is not something
that I'm concerned with.

Do I hope I get out someday?
Yeah, absolutely.

But I believe that God has me here
for a reason.

And if he...

wants me to stay here for all 60 years,
then I'll stay here.

I don't know that Robby felt
as strongly as I did

about me, as I felt about him.

I had barely met him.

We talked a lot, and we were very close,

but I didn't even know...

what his mom was like
or that he had a stepdad.

When I first started hanging out
with Robby,

he was talking about going
to the beet harvest

and getting back with Kate.

And we met some of Robby's friends
along the way in Missoula,

just a few days before his murder,

and they all spoke very fondly of Kate.

It was something that made me jealous.

It made me feel very hurt
and very insignificant.

And, um...

it was something that Robby
and I actually had a fight about.

And so, we did have that talk.
We did have that fight.

It doesn't surprise me at all that people
think he was still going to meet Kate,

because that was probably
the last anyone heard of him.

But he expressed
that he wanted to stay with me,

and I believed him.

I still believe that he meant it.

So, just listen to it?

I buy how it happened.

I buy you guys were traveling.

I don't buy that he was unhappy,
and he begged you to take his life.

No, that's absolutely what happened.

That's absolutely what happened.
But yes, um...

I just wanted to kill somebody
with my bare hands, honestly.

Well, that makes more sense to me.

I haven't heard that clip in a long time.
I'm shocked by it.

Um, I'm embarrassed.

I'm ashamed.

And I'm sorry that my attitude
was so flippant.

It's appalling.

I said I just wanted to know
what it felt like

to kill someone with my bare hands,
because...

I was getting called a liar again.

And in the relationship before Robby,

I was being called a liar all the time
when I was being honest.

And I found that the easiest way

to stop being called a liar

is to tell the person calling me a liar
what it was that they wanted to hear.

For anyone who thinks that
that was something that I had...

looked for or planned for

or wanted to do...

I don't know that there's
anything I can do to change your mind,

but it's not true.

I've never wanted to kill anybody.

Once you've killed somebody,
you can't just feel normal.

I'm afraid to give somebody a hug.

You know, people look at my hands
like... Are they dirty?

Is there something wrong with them?
I kind of feel like they are sometimes.

The only way, I think,
that I can really show how sorry I am

is to live a different life

and be the best person I can be

for Robby and for all the people
that I hurt by taking him.

If I can make a difference,
if I can do something good with my life,

it's like Robby's living on through me,
like Robby's life still has meaning.

That might...

never be enough, but it's all I can give.

And that's what I intend to do,
and that's what I do every day.