I Am a Killer (2018–2020): Season 1, Episode 1 - Means to an End - full transcript

[man] I accept full responsibility
for the way my life turned out and stuff.

People always saying-- talking about
how unfair the world is and stuff,

ain't nobody ever said
that life was meant to be fair.

People just got to accept that, man.
You know?

There ain't no sense
in just being bitter about it, you know?

That's life.

I'm James Robertson, I'm 54.

I've been in prison for 37 years.

You know, I finished my original time
way back in the, like, late '80s.

I've got a bunch of other time, uh...

I don't even really know
how much time. [laughs]



About a hundred years, I guess.

I got to the point where I said,
"Fuck this shit. I'm going on death row."

[man 1]
And I walked up, I fired one shot.

And as I got closer,
I fired one more shot.

[man 2] She was shot through the cheek
and it stopped in her jaw.

[man 3] I drove him around behind a desk
and I stabbed him approximately 25 times.

[man 4] I couldn't believe it.

I just thought I can't believe
I just killed somebody.

[man 5]
I don't feel bad about it. [laughs]

[man 6] I started stabbing him,
stabbing the guy on the couch.

[James] I had a pretty good childhood.

I, uh, spent my first, like, 12 years
on the east side of Orlando.

It had kind of a...

It's kind of a... [stammers]



back then,
it had kind of a semi-rural feel to it

even though it was, like,
right outside of town.

[faint barking]

[James] As far as I'm concerned,
I think we were, like,

what you would call lower-middle-class.

Uh, I've lived in neighborhoods
that were all white,

I've lived in neighborhoods
that were mixed.

I went to schools that were all white,

I went to schools
that were 90-percent black.

I've-- I've been, um,
just all over, really, you know?

I didn't go to school a lot of times.
When I was in junior high,

I used to skip school all the time.

I used to love doing that.

And I loved hanging out on the streets,
I loved using drugs,

partying with friends.

Smoked a lot of pot.

I did other things, you know.
Acid, uh, PCP, uh...

using Quaaludes and valiums and cocaine.
Stuff like that.

I started getting locked up
when I was 12, I think.

I had been stealing mostly.
I mean, kids' stuff like bicycles

and stuff like that, you know.

I was 16. I was hanging out on the streets

and I would like, uh, see some place
that looked like I could break into it

or something, you know.
Get some money for the dope. There was some little business
across the street from my house.

[faint siren wailing]

I had already broke into there
and stole the stereo. You know, I took it to the dope man,
you know, got some dope.

And I went back in there
to steal, uh, some speakers.

[faint alarm blaring]

[James] And some security guards
caught me.

And, uh, I got into
a little wrestling match with them,

and I thought I had a knife in my sock.

I tried to get the knife out and stab 'em
so I could run off

but I couldn't get to it.
They were both on top of me.

[James mutters]

[chuckles]

That's-- that's what I came to prison for.
[laughs]

[James] Originally,
I had a 10-year sentence.

Then I, uh-- something happened.

Uh, I was at Cross City
Correctional Institution,

some guy got killed.

I didn't kill him,
but some other guys killed him,

and I got 15 years for that.

Tried to escape one time.
I went to outside court,

and I kicked a guard.
I tried to take his gun from him.

And then that's, you know,
kinda at that point,

I'd kinda-- kinda had a bad attitude.

And I caught a lot of time.
I used to-- stabbing dudes and stuff.

I was in a position where I was getting
into fights all the time

and I had a riot and all this stuff,
you know.

All this bullshit, you know,
so they made a big deal out of that, like,

"Oh, man, that's terrible.
You was in a riot."

And all this kind of stuff.
What the fuck you expect?

You know?

That's the stuff you expect,

you should expect that to happen
in prison, man. It's prison.

You know, you got a lot of bad guys
in here and of course,

inmates are gonna get into stuff
like that. You know what I mean?

But they'll say that I'm the troublemaker.
I'm the guy that's the bad guy.

[indistinct chattering]

[James] I got put on some kind of, like,
long-term maximum-security status

where you're locked in a cell
all the time.

They took everything from me.

My TV, my property.

Man, that shit's--
man, that shit's torture, man.

You're locked in a cell all day.

I mean, you might get to come out
a couple times a week for, like,

two hours or something like that.
They'll put you in a little dog cage.

[dripping]

[James] You just lose all motivation, man.

I mean, you--
you ain't getting no sun, really.

[rattling]

[James] I got to live in humiliation
every damn day.

The guards humiliate you
all the damn time, they treat you like shit, you know.

Like they think you're a bug
or something, you know.

Uh, it's crazy because the motherfuckers
that they like are the bugs.

Every time you go to the CM board,
first thing they tell you,

something that you did back
in the 1980s or the '90s or something.

"Oh, you got a bad history."

Well, I say, "What's that got to do?"
They say, "That's your record.

That's why it's called a record."

They would use that as an excuse
to keep me on CM.

Now, they're not treating
all those inmates like that.

Some of those inmates, they'll get DRs
and they'll let them out on the compound.

You know what I mean?

I mean, you just sit in that cell
all damn day, man.

That's inhumane. I mean, that's crazy.

They just put somebody in a cell, man,
and take all of his privileges from him

for years and years and years,

and I'm seeing all these other guys
get off of CM.

I knew that they was gonna use any excuse
that they could to keep me on CM.

Any excuse.

Finally, I-I got mad and I said,
"I'm gonna go ahead and kill somebody."

It was premeditated.
I wanted to get on death row.

So I said, "Well, I'll just go ahead
and kill my cellmate."

I pretty felt pretty confident I could...
I could overpower him.

He was a child molester.

And I didn't really want to have
a child molester in my cell.

Believe me, it was premeditated.
All the way.

I waited until the guard's made his round.

I knew I had about a 25-minute window
of opportunity.

I got behind him, I nudged him,
you know, I woke him up.

I had some socks tied up.

I said, "You gonna let me tie you up
or am I gonna kill you?"

And he just said-- he said, "Neither."

So I started struggling around with him.

Eventually, I overpowered him
and strangled him.

It was like, it took about...

I don't know. About six minutes,
five or six minutes. Four minutes, maybe.

I don't feel bad about it.

[laughs]

You think that's something, don't you?

I just got to the point where I said,
"Fuck this shit. I'm going on death row."

Man, fuck that CM shit.

I'm tired of living in humiliation
every day. Fuck that.

[chuckles] You looking at me like,
you think, "Man, that guy crazy, man."

[laughs]

[woman] I met James several years ago

when I was making rounds
in the confinement units.

I noticed him
because he had a very angry face.

You could tell immediately
that this guy was like

a pressure cooker waiting to blow.

He did not talk to his peers,

he didn't talk to the staff,
he didn't talk to anyone.

[Anne] But his quietness was something
that was daunting to me.

And his look in his eyes.

He did not look at you,
he looked through you.

My name is Anne Otwell,

and I've been at Charlotte Correctional
since '92.

I'm a staff nurse there,

and at the time, uh, I was working
in the medical department,

uh, taking care of close management
and open population.

[Anne] In close management,
we deal with a lot of frustration,

a lot of anger,
a lot of attempted suicides

because of the fact
that they are isolated.

They don't have the amount of phone calls,

they don't have the amount of visits
that general population has,

they don't have the freedom.

After a while, some inmates,
it just gets to them.

They sleep most of the day.

But if you go by close management
at night, they're up all night

and they're fighting with--
amongst one another.

One room and the other,
you can hear them all night long.

So, close management brings
a whole different flavor to the pot.

From the moment that James entered prison,

he did not like the rules
and regulations of the penal system.

He didn't like the rules and regulations
of close management.

He did, however, want death row.

And their rules and regulations
are very, very, very simple,

and he could handle that.

[Anne] Death row and--

there's a big difference between death row
and close management.

It would be like going from the slums
to Beverly Hills.

They have their own TV, they have
their own bedspread if they want to,

the food is quite different.
They have their own nurse.

[inmates clamoring]

[Anne] They have their own exercise area,
and, uh, it's quiet.

Death row, you can hear a pin drop.

And surprisingly enough,

they have this camaraderie
with one another,

that they're all there together.

And so, death row for them
is a safe haven.

[people cheering]

[Anne] But the other thing is,
in their mind's eye,

they know they're not
gonna be executed tomorrow.

They know that they're gonna be there
for maybe 25 years. So they know that they're not gonna be
going any place but the row.

[indistinct chattering]

They have come home.

And that's how the majority
of them look at it.

They love death row.

[bangs]

Some people say
that James killed Frank Hart

just to get better living conditions.

My feeling is an inmate
that is like James is very narcissistic,

and I think he wanted to be on death row,
um, to show everybody that he made it.

It's just like going to medical school
when you graduate.

To-- In his mind, he made death row.

And whether it be
because he could have TV or better food,

he made it
because of his narcissistic thinking

that he wanted to make something
of his life

that everybody would remember.

Uh, my name's Robert Lynch.

I did four years in a one-man cell.
Close Management 1,

so I'm pretty familiar
with close management.

I've been in several prisons with, uh,
James Robertson. "Chicken Head." Um...

Uh, I'm pretty sure that we started off
together in the late '80s

at Sumter Correctional.

I know him pretty well.
I know him pretty good.

I-- I can't imagine
why he would say I'm a friend.

I think he's a piece of shit.

I don't hang out with him.
He's not my drinking buddy.

He's not-- I mean, he's not--

I don't know why.
[stammers] I don't, I--

I don't know why he would say
that he's my--

I'm his friend or he's my friend. I mean, I've messed up,
I've come to prison,

but if I give you my word, it's good.

I'm not gonna pick on somebody
that's defenseless.

That's not his outlook.

His outlook is...

if he thinks
that he can do something to you and get by with it, he'll do it.

If he thinks
he can't get away with it, he won't.

You know, and for me
that's-- that's a coward.

[Robert] Chicken Head's problem
is his knife, his violence.

If he has a problem,
he goes and gets his knife,

when he could probably
just beat somebody up.

You don't wanna just kill somebody
to be killing them.

That's his first thought,

is he'll go and get his knife
about small little minute things.

I think James got deeper problems.
I don't think prison was his problem.

I think his-- he had his problems
when he got here. And it just rolled over.

I mean, if you wanna get off CM,
and you want off CM,

all you have to do
is do what you're supposed to.

That's all they want you to do.

They're not asking--
they don't ask you to do anything grand.

They don't want you to do
anything special. All that--

When you go on CM, all you have to do
is what you're supposed to do,

for a certain period of time.

And they'll say,
"Get back out there in population."

So, him saying that, oh, me talking
about what I've done in '80s and '90s

is, is bringing up this
or causing me to do this,

that's a cop-out, which is...

doesn't surprise me with him.

You can come here and get better,
and you can come here and get worse.

It's up to you, really. What you choose.

You can choose to come here
and stay forever if you want.

All you got to do is pick up a knife
and start poking holes in people.

Kill one of them
and you're never getting out.

Chicken Head is never going to change.

He's always gonna be a threat.

He will always be a threat to security.

He'll always be a threat
to the people around him,

he'll always be a threat to himself.

If he's done with living and he's,
and he's tired of living,

get up on the top bunk
in that two-man cell.

Dive off! Dive off, swan-dive.

If you're really tired, dive off.
[chuckles] You know what I mean?

Get your razor-blade, one time. It's over.

That's what people do when they're tired
of living. He's still alive.

He ain't tired of living.

When James first came to me,
told me that's what he wanted,

he wanted the death penalty,
I had asked myself, "Can this be done?"

Can someone actually plead
to the death penalty?

I never had anything like that
happen before.

My name is Mark De Sisto.

I'm the attorney for James Robertson
who is present to my left.

He's the defendant in this matter.
This is case number 09812F.

[Mark] "I have instructed
and continue to instruct my attorney,

Mark C. De Sisto, Esq.,

to seek the charge to be amended
to First Degree Murder by indictment

and further to seek the penalty of death."

[Mark] I was actually Mr. Robertson's
fifth attorney.

He had four previous attorneys.

His last attorney removed himself
because they, uh, developed some animosity

over the issue of pleading
to a death penalty.

All his attorneys I spoke to said
he was a level-headed guy,

they could get along with him.

He wasn't disruptive or violent
or anything in their dealings with him.

They just said that he was set
on getting the death penalty

and they--
he just would not listen to them

and that wasn't on the table at the time.

The first meeting I had with Mr. Robertson
lasted approximately 15, 20 seconds.

He was in lockup at the courthouse,

And I introduced myself,
told him I'd be on his case, asked him if it was true he was seeking
the death penalty in his case.

He said, "Yes." And I told him
I'd be in touch with him soon. It was a short meeting.
I didn't know how to take him,

I didn't know what to expect
when I first met him.

But he seemed happy, I guess is the word,
that I was getting on the case.

I was aware that Mr. Robertson spent quite
a bit of time in, uh, close management.

The closest other clients
I've ever had to anybody

with a, uh, large amount of time
was eight to nine months.

I've never heard of anybody
besides Mr. Robertson

that I've represented that's spent nearly
their entire life in close management.

I would imagine it would destroy the mind.

I mean, uh, it's got to affect your psyche
in some way.

I-- I don't see it ever helping
an individual.

[barking]

Of course a lot of people questioned me
right at the beginning,

wondering why my client would want to,
uh, have the death penalty imposed

and whether or not
I thought he was sane or not.

Prior to me being assigned, uh,
the main defense

that was explored from the fourth attorney
that was assigned on the case

was the defense of insanity.

And in legal jargon, uh,
insanity is where you have to determine

whether or not the defendant understands
the difference between right and wrong

when he commits the crime.

[Mark] The State of Florida determines
the sanity of the defendant

by having two doctors look
at the individual.

Both the psychologist and psychiatrist
did agree that Mr. Robertson was sane

at the time he committed this crime,

and the judge adopted that finding
of the doctors.

[indistinct chattering]

[kitchenware clangs]

[Mike] Everybody has a story to tell.

Everybody does things right,
everybody does things wrong.

The pre-sentence investigation
is digging into James Robertson

as a person and not as an inmate.

This is going to be read by everyone
involved in this case

and I am outlining what they don't know
about this inmate

and that is his socio-economic background.

Who are his parents?
Where did he go to school?

How much education did he have? Um...

Drug and alcohol abuse, uh,
psychological counseling.

That's what the PSI is trying to do
through that person's cooperation.

"Give me your story."

[dishes clink]

[Mike] So I actually interviewed
James Robertson,

was very truthful with him,
let him know who I was,

why I was at the jail to interview him.

And I, I felt that he was cooperative.
He, he didn't act nasty,

um, he didn't give me, um,
any reason to feel uncomfortable.

And an hour,
an hour and a half, we talked.

Violence is a part of James Robertson

because violence was a part
of his upbringing.

Problem with his mother and father.

He explained that he got hit
with switches,

parents' divorce, remarried,
divorced, alcohol, yes.

It was there,
it was brewing, it was bubbling.

And of course that leads you

to this prior record.

And it's a long prior record.

There's a pattern of violence
with James Robertson that starts slowly.

He's 12 years old, first offense
is nothing more than shoplifting.

Kid stuff, all right?

But then it increases to burglary.

And then, even though he's sent
to a boys' school, he's ungovernable.

All right? He's just an impossible person
to deal with. Truancy, fighting.

The pattern, it's, it's growing.

And it followed him right up until the day
he stood up in front of that judge

in Orange County, Florida,
and got ten years consecutive.

And the interesting thing about this
was that when he was charged,

he wasn't even 17 for another 15 days.

And so I wonder,
could the court have gone a different way,

because in juvenile court
it's about rehabilitation.

In adult court, it's not always.
It's a lot about punishment.

And this was his punishment.

[indistinct chattering]

But he compounded it, he didn't conform,

he went about another crime spree
in prison.

I mean, 79 disciplinary reports
speaks for itself.

But then you have aggravated battery
with a deadly weapon, one count.

He's got introducing a weapon
into the facility.

Unarmed assault, attempted assault,
participating in riots.

I mean, it was a full circle
of just about everything you can do wrong.

[computer beeping]

[Mike] Here's a man in the worst possible
confinement, close management.

A horrible existence, inside the wall,
and it doesn't slow him down.

It feeds the fire,
it gives him a new drive.

I truly believe that some inmates
are not cured with close management.

They become hardened,
worse, aggressive, dangerous.

And I believe James Robertson
was that kind of a person,

because of all the time he spent
in close management, he became worse.

He became more aggressive,
calculating, cruel.

And I truly believe that inmate Hart,
his cellmate in 2008,

was a means to his end.

The recommendation portion
of the pre-sentence investigation,

the last stop.

After gathering everything,
after analyzing everything,

if found guilty,

the recommendation would be
for the death penalty.

Did I make this recommendation
to reward James Robertson?

No, I didn't.

I'm not rewarding this person.

It was a heinous cruel act.

The aggravating circumstances
well outweighed

the mitigating circumstances
and it called for the death penalty.

[spoon clinks]

[Mark] I asked Mr. Robertson
right at the beginning,

"Why would you want to have
the death penalty?

What's your reasoning behind that?"

He said, "I'm getting older.

I look at the guy in the cell across
from me, he's going blind, he's 65,

he gets pushed around more,
he gets messed with more

by other people, guards,
be they inmates, whoever.

And I don't want that kind of life.
I don't want that for me as I get older.

I used to be able to do the violence

but now I'll be the one
that's getting the violence done to me.

And I just don't wanna put up with that."

That's why he wants the death penalty.

He just doesn't wanna get old
and be preyed upon.

Does Robertson deserve sympathy?
Yeah, I think he probably does.

I mean, obviously, he was the individual

that committed the crime
that put him in prison,

but again, prior to going to prison,
he was a young man,

he was still a kid in my eyes,
at 17 years old.

He had no parenting.

My understanding, his parents
were alcoholic and substance abusers.

He had no guidance.

When you start adding all those things up

and looking at everything
he's been through,

especially being
in close management, yeah,

I probably think he deserves
some sympathy.

I don't see him as this evil person
that, uh, must be killed,

that's his choice, I know.

But I don't see him as this person
that has no redeeming value whatsoever.

I will go to his execution.

That's a 100 percent, uh, thing
I've wanted to do from the very beginning.

I'm thinking I'll probably be the only
friendly face he'll recognize there.

I don't want him to be put to death,

not knowing that someone was there
on his side up until the end.

So I plan on being in that same room
and, uh, I keep close tabs on it,

and whenever it's ordered, I'll be there.

My name's Darrell Moshor,
uh, I live in Greenville, Tennessee,

I'm married and I've got three children. Uh, James Robertson is my cousin.

Uh, his mother and my mother are sisters.

I moved to Tennessee from Florida
August of 2006.

Wasn't until I moved here
that I've seen my first snowfall. [wind whistling]

[Darrell] James' family, his mother
and father, for whatever reason,

you know, they just forgot about him.

His two brothers haven't contacted him
in over 25 years.

You know, they just didn't put any effort
into helping him,

you know, um, financially,

or, you know, just in letters alone,
makes a big difference being in there.

You know, there was no support whatsoever.

I'm the only one in contact with him now.

I got in touch with James probably...

I-- it was either 2013, 2014.

I'd like to, you know,
give credit to God for that

because he put it on my heart
to, uh, contact him.

I knew he was in prison,
I didn't know he was on death row.

Yeah, I just wrote him a letter,
it was probably half a page long

and, uh, soon after,
I mean, he wrote me back.

So we've been in contact, probably,
for about four years now.

[sizzling]

Did you have fun today?

[Darrell] When we first came
into his life, he goes,

"I hope you're a part of my life forever."

He goes, "But you'll probably be like
everybody else,

come into my life for a month or two
and then leave," you know.

And then I remember getting a letter
from him, like, a year or so later,

he goes, "I'm comfortable now,
I know you're not gonna leave me."

I think the cards stood out the most.

These are all from James.

Uh, this is a card that he wrote, uh,
to my wife, Naomi, calls her sis.

He goes, "I wanna show my appreciation
for what a wonderful job you do

raising three adorable children.

For the sacrifices you make

as well as being a loving,
nurturing mother."

You know, before, he would just say
in closing, "See ya, Jimmy."

Then it started going into,
"Love you, bro."

And then it was like, "Love you, Darrell."
Now it's like, "May God bless you"

or "May God keep His light shining on you"
and you know, and "Love you guys a lot."

[Darrell murmurs]

It's almost like his hardened heart
has been softened.

I think that the love that we show him,
that he's never had before,

it's just changed his whole life. [Darrell] Since we've made contact
with James

something that he's said quite
a few times, "I've never had a family,

never had anybody to love,
nobody loved me."

You know, "I've never lived,
I've only existed."

You know. Wow, the guy's never had a job.

He's never really been with a woman,
you know.

Never got to experience having kids
and, you know, never been married,

and just all the things
that we do in life, in this world,

he's in a different world.

Do I think it's been a wasted life?

Yeah, I think it's been a wasted life.

I think it all just began
from when he was a toddler.

There's parents,

mothers and fathers out there
that love their kids to death,

and that wasn't the case
with his mom and dad.

He had a hard life growing up

and then, of course,
straight to prison when he was 16 or 17.

You know, it's not like he was born
a monster or evil.

The guy's just never been loved.

I'm not sure when James
is gonna be executed.

That's up to the State of Florida.

I talked to him about...

[sighs] ...getting off of death row,
you know.

So he can have more time with us.

But I was being selfish by asking him that
because he'd rather be executed

than live another 40 years in prison.

I will definitely be there.

Absolutely. He needs somebody there.

I've thought about that.

You know. I don't wanna be there
but I know he wants me there.

He told me I didn't have to be there
but I know he'd like me there.

And I think it's important.

[James] I can't even express into words
how good it feels

to have somebody
that cares about you like that.

You know what I mean?

It's a good feeling.

It makes me feel a lot better, you know?

It makes me wanna stay out of trouble
because I don't wanna get in trouble.

I don't wanna lose my privilege to be able
to go out there and see 'em and all that.

So it's, uh, it's like a carrot
on a stick.

Sure, it's sad to see 'em go, you know?

I accept full responsibility for,
for, you know,

having to spend the rest of my life
in prison.

I accept full responsibility for that.
You know what I mean?

I'm not gonna get angry, you know.

Bitter or something like that.
I used to be like that, real bitter.

I was bitter when I was always blaming
everybody else for my, you know,

for the way my life turned out and stuff.

But I stopped doing that.

And as a matter of principle,

I gotta-- I got to face the music.
I got to man up.

I don't like hearing other people whine
or talk about blaming the world

and everything for all their problems.

Life ain't always fair.

People always saying, talking about
how unfair the world is and stuff,

ain't nobody ever said
that life was meant to be fair,

ain't nobody up, up on no cloud
wearing a robe and cane, you know, saying, "I'm gonna make everything fair."
They, they ain't like that, man. You know?

People just got to accept that, man.
You know?

You're always trying to make
the world better,

a better place, you know.

But, you know, ain't nothing perfect.

I just wish that these guards, man,

that they would make a system
that's more humane, man.

Let the inmates all go out
into the population.

[stammers] I'd be a lot more sane
right now

if I hadn't been locked in a cell
for all them years.

[fluttering]

I'm ready, man. I'm ready to go.
You know, I stopped my appeal, you know.

And I'm, I'm ready to go, man.
I've been ready, you know?

You know, you asked me last time
when you was up here... [mutters]

"What you gonna-- what are you gonna feel
two years from now?"

Man, I've been ready, man, you know?

It's over, man, you know.
I've done did all my time. I'm-- [scoffs]

It's like getting a transfer
or something, man. It's over with now.

[laughs]

Feel like I'm cheating them, huh?

You know,
but there's a long-ass list, man.

There's a hundred and something inmates
or something, uh, death row guys

that are waiting,
so I don't know how, how long--

It might be a long time.

Could be quick, I don't know.

I already know how they do it,
the whole procedure and everything.

They come up,
they put you in some kind of...

[shackles clicking]

Like a cast thing that they wrap
around you to keep your arms from moving

because they think you might
start struggling or something,

which I wouldn't do, you know.

But that's just... I don't know.

Maybe they just do it to sensationalize
the whole event, you know.

To make it "Wow, they're strapping 'em up
like Hannibal Lecter or... [laughs]

Yeah, whatever. I don't know. But, uh...

You know, I'm okay with it. All they do
is shoot a damn needle. I'm--

You know, I'd much rather have
a needle stuck in me

than be electrocuted, you know.

But I could, I could go either way.
Because, you know, you--

All that shit you read about
in the newspapers

about how inhumane, uh,
they put you to death,

that's a bunch of bullshit.

I mean, come on, man. They shoot
somebody with some damn chemical

that knocks you out and puts you to sleep,
you don't know what the hell.

You ain't feeling nothing.

[producer] One last question,

if you have any sort of very brief message
you wanna convey

or a way that you wanna be remembered,
what would you say?

Uh...

Somebody that always speaks the truth.